WHAT ARE MY HEALTH/MENTAL ISSUES!!!
So if you been following me for awhile or since I been streaming. I tend to take alot of breaks or disappear for awhile & reappear. The reason being is my history of health, abuse, being forced into a cult at a young age, along with other stuff I am going to go into detail about. Warning some of this might be triggering for some so I recommend you skim through parts that might be triggering to you.
First lets start off where my issues start, my birth mother gave me up for adoption even before I was born, just as she did my older brother & younger sister. Who I only know about them existing chance to the same lawyer doing the adoptions for all three of us. She had our records sealed so we canât know family history, who she is, or who my bother and sister is. I do know from stuff that slipped out from my lawyers wife who used to be my therapist for a time.
According to the pieces my birth mother was an addict & had history of mental illness. The father is an unknown cause she apparently worked the streets too, which has cause me some mental issues of why she even gave a damn to give birth with how screwed up she was & further screwing us without giving us access to family history and health history.
MY ADOPTIVE PARENTS/THE CULT
Were good parents despite their flaws but I donât talk ill of the dead, I will say thou the thing they did that didnât help was. My mother kept alot from my father about who I was cause I came out to her before I did him & it wasnât till she passed away that I came out too him. Plus they both had a history of indoctrination into a Christian cult. Yes you read that right & they do exist.
The church and camps they went too and tried to get me to follow for many years literally had: grooming, feeding on trauma, loyalty test, praise for compliance, manipulative empathy, synchronize anguish, removal of individuality, confusing punishments to break down your defenses, appointed identities, & indoctrination.
It was at the point when they was trying to removal my individuality & I was being abused, too the point I was being beaten & they was telling my parents to put me up for adoption cause I was an agent of the devils trying to destroy the church/cult. My mother stood up and got us all out of there, but my father never really fully committed to it and would always try to seek out other churchs that were similar.
So when I came out trans, poly/pan he didnât take it well and ended up going back to the cult. To only pass away a few months after my mother.
MY MENTAL & HEALTH ISSUES
So most my life I have had to deal with being autistic & only able to learn in a kinesthetic methods (hands on). I was also socially stunted & had an issue with trust cause of my history with the church, along with stuff further in my life where I was abused by others who took advantage of my slowness to understand stuff like others.
I also for many years was lead to believe I had asthma, for me later on in my life to find out I had a tumor sitting on my lungs and only found out cause it became cancerous & grew even larger. Which further stunted my learning cause I wasnât able to go to school for several years & the friends I had got to graduate & go to college by the time I got to return to school.
Iâve never felt like I have belong for all my life & it is hard for me to trust people when small things happen, people tend to over blow it or call it something else. Turn it around to attack me as some have done since I even become a streamer.
Well now along with all of this I have been diagnosed with Alpha-1 antitrypsin deficiency. What is that exactly well here is the medical term.
Alpha-1 antitrypsin deficiency is an inherited disorder that may cause lung disease and liver disease. The signs and symptoms of the condition and the age at which they appear vary among individuals.
People with alpha-1 antitrypsin deficiency usually develop the first signs and symptoms of lung disease between ages 25 and 50. The earliest symptoms are shortness of breath following mild activity, reduced ability to exercise, and wheezing. Other signs and symptoms can include unintentional weight loss, recurring respiratory infections, and fatigue. Affected individuals often develop emphysema, which is a lung disease caused by damage to the small air sacs in the lungs (alveoli). Characteristic features of emphysema include difficulty breathing, a hacking cough, and a barrel-shaped chest. Smoking or exposure to tobacco smoke accelerates the appearance of emphysema symptoms and damage to the lungs.
About 10 percent of infants with alpha-1 antitrypsin deficiency develop liver disease, which often causes yellowing of the skin and whites of the eyes (jaundice). Approximately 15 percent of adults with alpha-1 antitrypsin deficiency develop liver damage (cirrhosis) due to the formation of scar tissue in the liver. Signs of cirrhosis include a swollen abdomen and jaundice. Individuals with alpha-1 antitrypsin deficiency are also at risk of developing a type of liver cancer called hepatocellular carcinoma.
In rare cases, people with alpha-1 antitrypsin deficiency develop a skin condition called panniculitis, which is characterized by hardened skin with painful lumps or patches. Panniculitis varies in severity and can occur at any age.
I am part of that rare case and may even be in the rarer case of it effecting my lungs and liver at the same time. That's why I been in an out of the hospitals for so much lately cause their trying to figure out if it is cause of AAT of one of my other health issues effecting my lungs.
Which has put my HRT & other plans on hold cause at my age it can cause health issues & the want to deal with this first before they finish up my transitioning. I hope this helps you all better understand what I am going through and deal with on a daily bases.