#nedbel

APH Estonia Week Day 2: AU Flower Shop, Belgium, mentions of DenEst, hints of NethBel (I headcanon they are not siblings)

Chap 7: Poppies

Clutching the notebook tightly in his hand, Kalev collapsed in a heap in a corner behind the cashier. His soul fell into pieces, splattered on the cold floor. Juliette stepped forward, looked at him in surprise but remained silent. After all the time since his mother's funeral, for the first time, Kalev cried. Not to mention he cried in front of a stranger. He forgot there was a snowstorm tonight so Juliette couldn't go home. But now nothing mattered anymore, the emotions that had been pent up in his heart popped like a balloon inflated with water. Dropping his face on his knees, he sobbed loudly like a baby, cried as he'd never cried before. His chest ached. In front of a person who had stripped off all protective layers like him, Juliette said nothing. She didn’t give any word of comfort or encouragement, just went back and forth to clean the shop as she did every day. After a while she said:

- What would you like for dinner? May I treat you? There's a pretty good restaurant just around the corner. Or do you want to eat dessert? I’ll make one for you. But I don't think it's good to have dessert for dinner.

Kalev didn't answer, his handkerchief soaked up with tears, his hands shaking violently. Did he look pathetic, or did he look scary? Juliette propped the mop against the wall and sat down next to him.

- I'm sorry. – He stammered

- Why?

- I don’t know. Maybe because I’m like this.

- You don't need to apologize for crying.

Pausing for a moment, then Juliette said:

- Look, I really don't know what you should do. I just know things are difficult for you. I don't want to say hollow comforting words. But I can listen to you, as long as it makes you feel better. Just tell me whatever you want and you'll feel better. As long as you permit me to, I can sit here forever just to hear you cry.

Kalev looked down at his hands, which were clutching the notebook so tightly that they were bruised:

- Why did you hire me to work here? - He whispered, noticing that his voice was breaking

She answered without hesitation;

- Because the first time I saw you, I thought your eyes were as lonely and helpless as if you had just been thrown into the bottomless universe.

He looked up at Juliette, her face became blurred with his teary eyes. He hesitated for a moment, then he started talking about his family, about things that happened so quickly that he couldn’t resist and wanted to collapse, about his father who was forced to leave and about how he was left alone in the middle of a mess. He felt lonely but couldn't cry, he had to be strong to continue living, but it only made him more tired. Like a puppet that tried to put on fake smiles for a long time, he ended up falling down to the ground when the curtain fell. He choked on his voice. His words became choppy, mixed with sobs. He couldn’t make any clear and coherent sentences, but Juliette still listened patiently. Outside, the wind was still howling, and the heavy snowflakes kept on falling. He also told her about Matthias, about how he loved him, about the terrible night that had separated them, and about how selfish and cowardly he was because he still didn't dare to send Matthias a proper letter. After talking for a while, he suddenly stopped, raised his head to look at Juliette, hesitantly asked:

- Don't you hate me or at least find it strange that I was in love with a man?

- No, love is always a precious feeling no matter what.

She gently added:

- It's good that in this cruel world, two people still glow in their beautiful love. And…it's good that there's still a chance for them to see each other again, as long as they still love each other.

In the last sentence, her voice seemed to slip…

- I'm sorry for crying and bothering you.

- No, I'm glad I could help you. Moreover, I think those who dare to cry are the bravest ones. They don't need to try to deceive anyone, including themselves, but bravely face their own feelings.

Suddenly, Kalev saw from Juliette's deep emerald eyes, clear tears ran down, her face was slightly contorted with emotion:

- As for me…I’m not brave yet.

But then Juliette shrugged lightly, wiping her tears away with her hand. But Kalev took her hand, pulling it gently towards him. Both of them were startled. “Why do I suddenly hold a lady's hand? This is not appropriate and not something for someone like me” But he decided not to shove Juliette's hand away but to gently lift his fingers up. Now his hand barely touched hers. He said:

- I would be happy if I could do anything to help you feel better. From the moment I first saw you, I also vaguely sensed a hidden sadness in your heart. I care about you and want to help, especially when you’ve already helped me so much. Whatever you want to talk about, I’ll listen.

Juliette nodded slightly and quietly said “Thank you”. After a while, she spoke up:

- Have you ever wondered why I am Belgian but opened my flower shop in Germany? My lover is Dutch. He went to war and hasn't returned since the day the Second World War ended. I have not heard from him either. I'm still waiting with the hope that he will return one day. I want to stay in the closest place to the border of all the three countries so that wherever he is, I can be as close to him as possible.

At this point, Juliette burst into tears. Tears ran down like small streams on her pretty face. Now she was just like he was before, her words jumbled up with emotion and mixed with sobs and shivers from her crying. But he managed to catch all of her words. She once had it all: the unconditional love of her family, someone special to love with all her heart, and living conditions of great comfort and wealth. The war came and brought destruction. It destroyed the house she had been attached to since her childhood, her happy family and her everything. Her father and brothers all joined the army, not only to protect their country but also to protect the people they loved. She also signed up to be a volunteer nurse. The day her family went into the war, they said goodbye to each other with a promise “We will all return together”, many prayers, and many tears. Since the day she became part of the war, she had never escaped the screams of pain from the soldiers, unable to avoid her eyes from the horrible wounds and the disfigured faces showing the fight with pain and death, the smell of blood and the stench rose from the bodies lying at her feet because there wasn’t enough bed, both dead and alive… so much that sometimes she thought she was going to be crazy or trapped forever in a terrible nightmare. It was painful since she knew there was nothing much she could do to ease their pain, many times she even had to choose who would be saved and who would be left to die. She heard many stories and dreams, most of them would never come true. The most painful thing was that she knew all the soldiers were someone's son, brother, lover, or husband. Sometimes Juliette wonders in a panic, what if among those bodies, she found a familiar face of her loved ones? The reality was as cruel and terrible as a horrible painting with chaotic colors of bombs, smoke, fire, and blood, haunting her even in her sleep. She thought she wouldn't be able to bear it… Finally, the war ended, Belgium and its allies gained the victory. But it was a painful victory, everyone shared the great pains of losses and everything was damaged. She returned home with a bleeding heart and a soul crushed by war. Standing in what used to be her house, before her eyes was only a pile of rubble, the beautiful old house left with nothing but a pile of rubble indistinguishable from many other piles of bricks lying around. A once beautiful, busy city now was in ruins like a gray ghost. She had to wander through many cities and towns, only to find her mother in a small village in the countryside. But after all those events, her mother's spirit completely broke down. She just sat in one place all day with empty eyes. All the joys inside her mọther were dead, everything inside her was dead. She just lived like an empty shell that if it ever contained anything, it would only be endless sadness and despair. Neither her father nor her brothers returned. The promise of coming back together now was just a memory, a seemingly small dream yet so far away. She could not earn a living if she had to stay at home to take care of her mother. Besides, her house had been destroyed completely, so she had no other choice but to go to a relative's house in Germany. At first, she thought she could never set foot on the enemy's land, let alone live in it. But in the end, what she kept in her heart was not hatred, only an endless sadness, because she understood, maybe no land or country was to blame for wars. Only a few people were guilty, the rest were just victims. If there was anything to blame, she could only blame the childishness of mankind, after all these years of history, humans still hadn’t become real adults. She had to accept the truth that at some point in the flow of time, bad things would happen as a fact of life. In Germany, she opened a flower shop. Then she talked about the person she loved. Now she would occasionally smile through her tears. This flower shop was arranged to resemble the paintings her lover painted:

- I still remember how my lover loves flowers. How was it possible not to love a man who seemed so cold and blunt but could spend all day in the garden and be heartbroken to see a tulip plucked from a branch? He taught me many things about gardening. He always wished we could open a flower shop. Together we would live in peace for the rest of the days…

He froze, lost in thought and lost in the sadness that was enveloping both him and her.

Once there was war and dictatorship, in the end, there would only be destruction and suffering, no matter which side you were on or whether it was West or East.

After a long time of silence, when her small choked and sobs had faded, Juliette spoke first, staring blankly at a small potted plant:

- I think you should write a letter to your lover. – she paused for a moment – ​​At least the two of you have a chance to meet again. He needs to know how his lover is, needs something to know his waiting is justified. As for your family… I'm so sorry and please, believe me, I understand how great your pain is. I have a hunch your father is fine. As for your mother, you know, even though your mother is gone, those who are still alive must continue to live. It's okay to grieve, it's okay to miss her, but there's no reason to make the life of those who live worse because of the loss. Besides, your mother said she would be very sad to see her loved ones unhappy. I believe she is watching over you and your father.

Juliette touched his hand which was still shaking as if he had a fever.

She intertwined her long thin fingers and squeezed his hand as if to say “just go ahead and cry”

- I don't promise everything will be okay, but I promise no matter how bad things get, I will still be by your side. That's all.

Then she added:

- Do you hate or despise me for crying?

Kalev was surprised by Juliette’s question but he immediately shook his head vigorously. How he could hate someone like her? Not by any stretch of the imagination. 

- No, not at all. After listening to your confide, I'm even more grateful and appreciate your kindness and resilience.

- See? I know you won’t, I’m sure when you see me cry. you have the same feelings as me when I see you cry. So please, don’t hide your feelings. Don't feel ashamed or disappointed in yourself just because you cry or feel depressed at times

He said awkwardly, feeling like every word was stuck in his throat. He felt that there were no words that were enough to express all his gratitude and sympathy.

- Thank you. I'm so sorry about what you and your family had to go through. I’m always here when you need me.

She simply said:

- Thanks for listening. I appreciate you sticking with me.

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

Link to the previous chapters:

Chap 1

Chap 2

Chap 3

Chap 4

Chap 5

Chap 6

This is just my rant (long and maybe nonsense, again. You can ignore it). With the war between Russia and Ukraine, I feel sad for Ukraine but I also feel sad for most of the Russian people. I cried when I watched videos or read the news about Russians protesting against the war, despite being persecuted or Russian soldiers saying that they missed their families, etc. I was touched when I saw how the Ukrainians treated Russian prisoners. Of course, not everyone is innocent, (more specifically those who caused, supported, or participated in this war) but I believe many people on both sides don't want war at all. I also love countries like Russia and China with their legacies, but unfortunately, they choose the expansionist approach and threaten other countries instead of friendship and cooperation. It is even sadder when the countries and people they oppress the most are the ones who are closest to them, which can be considered their brothers and sisters in many ways.

As said in a previous post, with the situation in Ukraine, I felt it was not the right time to make posts about my fantasies about countries, even if they were not related to the current events. But now I have changed my mind. I think it is fine if my works can express my mood and point of view without offending or hurting anyone or using real current events to be its material. Besides, few people read my fanfics, so I consider this as a place where I can pour my heart onto my stories and art and let my imagination run wild. If my writings or rants go a little deeper into controversial issues, I hope they don't hurt anyone.

It’s 2020 and I’m still Hetalia trash, but at least I have a lot of ships to keep the trash spicy and fresh! The character I play is in parenthesis!

PruHun (Prussia)

GerIta (Germany)

Spamano (Romano)

Spabelmano or Sparomabel, however you want to put it (Romano, Belgium)

PortBel (Portugal, Belgium--I’d play either to make this happen)

NedBel (Belgium)

FrUk (England)

AmeBel where the Bel is for Belarus (America)

Ameripan (America)

RusAme (America)

Netherlands 2 - 1 Belgium [24/07/17]