#myrandomshit

I know this is outdated. but i tried to retake the test. the first one was taken long time ago w/ result is ENFP-T and now it changes to INTP-A. Such character development. Or is it deterioration? 

ENFP-T

INTP-A

yoyoyo. welcoming another year of me getting older and closer to death. It doesn’t meant to be dark, it’s reality. While we get older, we also walk closer to death. But we don’t know how long we can walk ‘til there. maybe years or faster.

As always, many things happened and I don’t make time to update.

well well well. Talking about that “many things”. It’s actually what I always said in my prayer. A big example is getting married.

Selama ini kan banyak yg nanya “kapan nikah? udah umurnya jg.” dan berbagai macam bentuk pertanyaan lainnya yg merujuk ke nikah. Dari saat gw masih jomblo sampe akhirnya punya pacar lagi. Padahal pas lg sendiri pun, gw udah meneguhkan diri untuk tidak menikah. Sampe udah ngomong ke nyokap gimana kalo misalkan gw ga nikah, ya ujungnya diomelin sih bukannya diijinin. Tapi yaa di lain sisi, di saat ditanya soal nikah gw selalu jawab “ya sebelum umur 30 lah pokoknya” Saking gw udah males nyari lagi ya, apalagi udah 1.5 taun lebih jg belum ada yg nyantol. Ehh, bener dong ucapan yg selalu gw ulang2 itu jadi kenyataan. Gw bener2 nikah dipenghujung umur 29. desembernya umur 30, bulan novembernya gw kewong.

Contoh lainnya jg gw selalu bilang kalo udah nikah maunya pisah rumah, ga serumah sama mertua ataupun orang tua sendiri. Gapapa rumahnya deketan asalkan gak satu rumah. Itupun jadi kenyataan, kebetulan udah ada rumah untuk ditempatin dan di depan rumah mertua pisan. Emang kalo doa harus selengkap2nya kali ya. Hahahah

Terus kaya gw pengen bgt belajar ngerjain import selagi kerja di daikin, gw udah bawel minta pindah posisi ke import. Akhirnya gw dapet deh ngerjain import di kantor yang sekarang dan ini masuknya double job, bukan kerjaan utama. Sekali lagi, kalo doa yang lengkap gaes. Masi banyak lah ucapan2 lainnya yang jadi kenyataan, tapi ya minor lah yaa. 

Ucapan yang sering gw ulang2 sekarang adalah soal tinggal di luar negeri. Gw mao tinggal di luar negeri, di swiss atau new zealand. Punya kebun dan peternakan di sana. Tapi gw juga pengen coba tingggal di Jepang, yaa 5 tahun lah gitu di Jepang. Atau lama juga gapapa, buka restoran Indonesia di sana. Aamiin aamiinnn, semoga kesampean semua yang dicitakan. Nyokap jg udah doain jg biar gw bisa tinggal di luar negeri dan biasanya doa mamak itu ampuh ges. Ngarep dan berdoa dulu ajaa, ngerjainnya sambil jalan. Semoga semoga semoggaaaaa.

Undoubtedly everyone has their own toxic behaviors. Of course there’s also mine. It leaves me regret many things as I recall the memory. But what’s done can’t be undone. Consciously or not, I knew that I’ve hurt some people. 

As I remember, I’ve abuse someone with silent treatment and so do they. I’ve received this kind of treatment as well. It hurts me and I believe it also hurts them even just a ‘lil bit. I admit that it’s one of my toxic habit and i'm done with this shit.

One of my top bad habits is that I sometimes can’t controls my mouth. I don’t sugarcoat things and it sometimes turns to badmouthing someone.

Well, I’ve received some kind of bully/harassment as well regarding my body. As the time goes by, I choose to didn’t care about it. There’s a time that I’ve become so insecure back then and now I don’t really care about it. But it also backfires me,I can talk so bluntly to someone without holding back and maybe some of them is very offended. It’s just because I don’t really care so much about it anymore and I think everyone will feel the same way.

I’ve started to improve myself to drop my bad habit one by one. Try to speak up when there’s something that makes me uncomfortable. Try to communicate about how I feel and resolve anything that isn’t clear. Also how to embrace myself more, so I won’t feel insecure for a ‘lil things. 

Now I need to hold my bad words more. I have to think more before I speak, I mostly speaks spontaneously. Well sometimes it gives a good credits, but I’m gonna improve myself more. 

Didn’t have to change and being yourself is absolutely comforting. But you have to remember that you can’t controls someone to always understand and acts the way you want to makes you feel good, you’ll still get hurts by others.