#myrandomthoughts

The power went out for almost an hour. (It's very windy here tonight) I had no wifi and I didn't want to use my phone since I was already at 65% and we didn't know how long it'd be out for. (It's back on now) So what did we do, you ask? Well, we didn't have sex, THAT'S FOR SURE! 😡 If things were better between us, we could've. But no. He yelled at his dog for scratching, then yelled at me when I nicely said "I don't get why you are always yelling at her." His response you wonder: "You don't have to get it. SHE'S MY DOG!!!" Ugh. Such a jackass. She's an old dog and she's been showing her age lately. Hard of hearing. Low energy after dinner. But she is ALWAYS itchy. I recently had seen a commercial for dog medicine for the condition I think she has and he saw it too. He says he's worried about her and what to do when he comes home one day and she's passed. I say in a very carrying and understanding voice that maybe he should start taking her to a vet. It wouldn't hurt for her to have regular checkups. He had a traumatic experience with his childhood dog and I think he's worried that if he takes her in, he won't be seeing her again. She's doing well for an old lady, but she definitely needs a better diet and maybe take some medicine. Anyway, so after he jumped down my throat yet again, I decided to just head to bed early. I haven't slept much since I've been watching his daughter's cats the last 2 nights and they were staying with me in my room. Might as well try to catch up on some sleep.

I was once scared

To fall in love again

To let my heart beat for the wrong one

I decided not to love you

But I also wanted to try

That's why I woke up with a smile

Without you, I just can't live and love again

I always wanna wake up in your arms

Losing someone, especially family will left a hole in our heart. Maybe it will left empty for our whole life because there will never be anything that can fill it.

It's been half year but the feels still here. The shock, hurt, sad and everything. Sometimes it feels better but most of the time it feels worse. My regret just feels a lil bit better, just a bit.

I can't help but feel useless that day. Still can't believe it. In a blink of an eye then he's gone. Thought he'll be safe and can continue to do his plan, do and get everything that he wants.

But God has another plan; the best plan. God ask him to come "home", maybe he'll do better there. No pain, just happy.

Will try my best to not regretting that day. Try to believe it's just how it works. It's one of god's plan, I'm just mere human that can't do anything unless with god's permission. Even though I took other action and decision, it won't change the result.

I've been so attached with BL lately (only for the 2gether main cast tho), because I watched 2gether and it hooked me. It feels so happy to see them together even after the filming. In my opinion, their love is sparkling. They look so good together and the chemistry work so well. It's hard to believe if they really didn't feel anything toward each other. Bcoz of this, I've been wondering about how's their feelings?

Don't really understand about LGBTQ persons feels, I just want to highlight the "Love" in it. I wonder about it sometimes, how they feel when they realized that they're "different"? Did they fell scared and un-sure? Still wondering is it the real thing or just a fling? And if they're sure, didn't they afraid to tell the world? Do they fell anxious about their family and friends judgement? The question list still goes on.

I have a few friends that love the same gender and I asked how they feel? How to do the relationship?

"It's the same as you.", they said.

The love is the same, it's similar feelings when we as "normal" person loves someone. It just looks different because they love the same gender; not align with the "standard" norms. Let alone with religion.

There's no way this country will support them. It's a good things if they're happy, but still they have a lot to fight. Family, friends, and also society...

Same goes with "different religions relationship", most family will against this. Didn't even think about their children happiness, they would say it a sin and you can't get married. Then it will leads to another case; they will try to get pregnant before marriage so they get blessings. Or, they won't get married at all. Just living together, far from their family. Cut the ties to get their own happiness, them against the world.

It will become more complex from this. But it's not a bad thing to prepare ourselves. Who knows what lay ahead, maybe it's us who should understand and support for their happiness without dictating them how to live based on our standard.