#my multitudes

"why do you always make matt mean?" umm probably because if I start thinking about matt being vulnerable in any extended capacity I start feeling like an animal that was born wrong and needs to be extinguished. next question

according to my apple music I spent july alternatively listening to olivia rodrigo and kneecap on repeat

you would never guess that one of my favorite things in the world is doing the boot scootin' boogie on a country bar dance floor

two days ago I was in amsterdam yesterday I was egg posting today I was working tomorrow I'm negotiating a threesome

it’s been said before but watching this 27th april 2015 clip again recently really reminds me just how well theyve done the robert into mr patriarch(y) story sooooo well. and over years and years and yearsssss too.. through multiple actors writers producers. Like the general cohesiveness of that one single story/thread over so much time is impressive ..it’s ofc a Classic narrative, the son becomes the father (and the abused becomes the Abuser), done many times before, even within emmerdale …but it works sooo well w robert and how they constructed it specifically, especially as we get to see so so much of robert’s life onscreen.. and all of that develop ..watching him in his childhood and adolescence alternatively and simultaneously love look up to loathe be repulsed by and forever in fear of his Father, the big scary Man of the house .. so much of his alliance with sarah.. his rebellion against the Home, against the Family, against the masculine ideals and Legacy of jack/the Sugdens….his place as the Outsider…only to become the big scary Man of the house after all.. that it becomes so inevitable.. was it always (fateee allusions always, cursed sugdens always). anddddd hes Lord of the manor too (to spite his father.. to win <- his masculinity wars forever..he is him… and.. hes better than him..he has to get one over..) …and the fact that in that ^^ 2015 scene the moment he reallyyyy loses it is the mention of lawrence ruining sarah’s memorial.. he’s so enraged disgusted by it ..how dare fake father lawrence.. another paternal slight/victory.. but also.. sarah’s precious memory, rob’s unprocessed grief, guilt..their longdead affinity….love....all gone. jack no longer here to answer to his crimes, to the uncomfortable hidden truths. robert not able to admit to his own (those last conversations with her…), both then and now. and then of course… what would sarah see and recognise of robert in this moment, now…what would she say. does robert even realise, understand. does he know who he is (never).. his role in the home. how long has that been now. would things be different if she were still alive… how much does he think about that, how much does it affect him Still….it’s soooo good. a true tragedy… and a horror story too..