#multiplefaces

About this Blog and Multiple Faces

I don’t think there could have been a more obvious thought to start this blog with, and that is the fact that in the moment I started this I knew it would be in the front line of my mind for awhile. Thinking what I should write (even if it should come out naturally, I’ll get used in time), or being anxious about the idea that someone I know finds this even if the probabilities are extremely low and even lower ones of that person knowing is me.  When I think what I should write I unconsciously censor what I’m thinking about. The fact that this blog is public and that maybe, someday, someone will read it, is influencing what should be an extremely personal blog. I start hiding details or I start making it more ‘’normal’’, more accesible, as if I was about to tell something embarrassing to someone I know. This shouldn’t happen and I’ll try to avoid it as much as possible. I want to explore myself, and when it comes to the public eye, I want people to explore what’s beautiful and what’s sickening, disturbing, about a human mind when is exposed completely.  Touching the subject of the second point, about being anxious, it made me think: what would my friends, my loved ones, think of me if they ever found out that this blog is mine? Of course, this question came with the hypothetical situation in which the blog is already full of content and I’m being followed by some people. They would probably feel disgust, feel betrayed, and that’s what I’m scared about. I have too many things that are rather abnormal, or at least not well seen by the majority people. Other things that could be considered important information for them, but that I decided to hide. Maybe I’ll even express hate towards them, things that will never come out of my mouth, and they will read sides of me that don’t sound like the ‘’me’’ they know at all. Could this mean that I’m wearing a facade? I think not, and I’ll expand on this now. 

Before proceeding, I want to clear what I understand by information in this specific post: opinions, stuff you do, things you like, etc. Information can indirectly show different sides of a person or they can show nothing at all. For example: donating to charity could show you care for the ones who need help; and having a negative opinion towards cats could say little about you.

Now, I’m someone that adapts easily to different groups of friends. This doesn’t mean that I’m outgoing, this means that I can easily change my way of speaking, my humor,  and hide selected information of myself depending on the group. You could say that this is rather normal, that you see this everyday when someone changes their attitude from being with their friends, to being with their boss. I think is different, because in the former you are perfoming the role of a friend, and in the latter you are perfoming the role of an employee; in my case, I’m perfoming the role of a friend in all the different groups and yet I’m being someone so different with each one of these groups, not in my core personality (like my principles, things I fear, etc.) but on the rest,. I absorb people’s way of acting fast, and I mirror them without even noticing it. This also means that I’ll try to avoid ways of acting, or information, that I know that I will be judged for or that will annoy them. I act as a shitlord with some, as an insecure guy with others, as the mature dude with some, etc. This isn’t me hiding my true self to people, each one of these ‘‘me’‘ are equally being the complete ‘‘me’‘, that’s why I can change between them so easily. I feel comfortable with each one of them depending on the group, I feel like I’m being myself with each one, they are just different sides of me, but I have so many that a friend from school would find unrecognizable the way I act with them compared to the way I act with my cousins.