Villager after a Raid or zombie attack: "Bring out yer dead!"

The Illagers Who Say "Eyebrows!" And "You must bring us...a SAPLING!"

An eccentric Evoker named Tim who just wants to use his powers for blowing up rocks.

French Illagers who will kill you with insults and teasing before they actually draw their ax.

And now for something completely different

GOD: Old woman!

ATHEIST: Man.

GOD: Man, sorry. What god is worshiped in that temple over there?

ATHEIST: I'm 37.

GOD: What?

ATHEIST: I'm 37. I'm not old.

GOD: Well, I can't just call you man.

ATHEIST: You could say Dennis.

GOD: Well, I didn't know you were called Dennis.

ATHEIST: Well, I thought you were all-knowing, aren't you?

GOD: I did say sorry about the old woman, but from behind, you looked-

ATHEIST: What I object to is you automatically treat me like an inferior.

GOD: Well, I am God.

ATHEIST: Oh God, very nice. And how'd you get that, eh? By exploiting the mortals, by hanging on to outdated, religious dogma, which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society. If there's going to be any progress-

OTHER ATHEIST: Dennis, there are some lovely books down here. Oh? How do you do?

GOD: How do you do good lady? I am God, Lord of the Christians. Whose temple is that?

OTHER ATHEIST: Lord of the who?

GOD: The Christians. We are all Christians.

OTHER ATHEIST: Who are the Christians?

GOD: Well we all are- we are all Christians. And I am your God.

OTHER ATHEIST: I didn't know we had a god. I thought we were an autonomous collective.

ATHEIST: You're fooling yourself. We're living in a dictatorship! A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working mortals-

OTHER ATHEIST: Oh, there you go, bringing mortality into again!

ATHEIST: That's what it's all about! If only people would listen...

GOD: Please, please good people- I am in haste. Who is worshiped in that temple?

OTHER ATHEIST: Nobody is worshiped in that temple.

GOD: Then who is your god?

OTHER ATHEIST: We don't have a god.

GOD: What?

ATHEIST: I told you, we're an atheistic-syndicate commune. We take it in turns to act as a sort of an executive officer for the week.

GOD: Yes-

ATHEIST: But all decision by that officer have to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting by a simple majority, in the case of purely internal affairs...

GOD: Be quiet!

ATHEIST: ...But by a two-thirds majority in the case of more-

GOD: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!

OTHER ATHEIST: Order? Who do you think you are?

GOD: I am the Lord, your God.

OTHER ATHEIST: God? Well, I didn't vote for you.

GOD: You don't vote for gods!

OTHER ATHEIST: Well, I can become God then!

GOD: I possess infinite powerful, infinite wisdom, and infinite love. I am everywhere and I know everything; that is why I am your God.

ATHEIST: Listen, the possession of bizarre powers that may not actually exist is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate of the masses, not from some arcane, wine transforming ritual.

GOD: Be quiet!

ATHEIST: You cannot expect to wield supreme, executive power, just because you happen to be able to float around in space and give people diseases.

GOD: Shut up!

ATHEIST: Okay, if I went around, saying I was a deity, just because I was able to tell some people in the desert to kill other people in the desert, they'd put me away!

GOD: Shut up! Will you shut up! *God begins smiting him.*

ATHEIST: Ah, now we see the violence inherit in the system!

GOD: Shut up!

ATHEIST: Oph! Come and see the violence inherit in the system! Help, help, I'm being repressed!

GOD: Bloody mortal! *God leaves in a storm*