#moms...

i think mothers are so. moving. their presence or their absence. if they’re good or bad or in between. there aren’t many people or concepts or roles that can move you like mothers can.

tomorrow is mahiru's and aoi's birthday i feel blessed

But my mom is severely bugging me all the time. I'll have plans to do some of my homework or something at any given time and she seems to think I'm never busy and I'm always ready to come whenever she calls to waste my time doing some stupid shit that she could easily do by herself. It's the most frustrating thing ever because I can have my whole day planned out in my head of what I want to work on and when and she'll just barge right in and mess it all up. She seems to not understand that the things she is wanting me to do: try harder in school, do well in my dual credit college class, study for the SAT, find a job, and occasionally more, require time. And her disrupting my mental schedule of how and when I accomplish these things is taking away my willpower that actually gets me to do it. Whenever I preplan to do it, she acts like I can do it later and that her stuff (usually dealing with her stupid goats) is more important ("Yeah sure I'll stop writing this essay that I finally dragged up the will to do and was hoping to get done with in one sitting to come hold a goat for you so you can do something with it. It's not like this assignment is a big part of my grade"). And when I can't seem to get it finished beforehand due to procrastination or being interrupted and therefore never got it finished when I tried to work on it, thus losing focus, she says I should've done it sooner and gets mad at me because I'm doing my work instead of helping her. It's lile she doesn't understand that I'm not 11 anymore and my life no longer consists of playing legos and reading books all day. She thinks her wants are the most important thing but she wants me to do well in school and all things related, and bugs me frequently about it, but how am I supposed to do that when she also always wants me to help her deal with her pets? And do chores too? She's got this impossible double standard going and I'm sick of not being able to finish what I want, when I want, which may actually be one of the reasons why I procrastinate so much. Ugh

when ur faves are audrey and davonne but u know no matter what either one of them is gonna be the target next week and will possibly go home