
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me

tannertan36
trying on a metaphor

roma★

祝日 / Permanent Vacation
Today's Document
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ

if i look back, i am lost

★
todays bird
Jules of Nature

⁂

ellievsbear
Sade Olutola

izzy's playlists!
wallacepolsom
Cosimo Galluzzi
we're not kids anymore.
cherry valley forever

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@livehorses

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Vincent Van Gogh
Still Life, Vase with Fifteen Sunflowers, 1888
picture of innocence
Fandoms have a serious problem with how creators are being treated these days.
Fandom creators spend hours of their free time to create something to make fandom thrive...for free and for the love of the game.
And what do they get? A wholeass heap of fuck all. No reblogs, no comments, no nothing. And people are surprised that creators are dropping out left, right, and centre??
"Why is there no long fic anymore?" "Why did my favourite writer stop?" "Why is my favourite artist not posting anymore?"
I implore you to ask yourself: "What's the last thing I did to support my fandom? Does my favourite creator know they are my favourite? When was the last time I left a comment under something?"
It's not hard to support smaller artists/writers, too ❤️🩹

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IT'S JUNICORN
It's Junicorn
It's Junicorn
IT'S JUNICOOOOOORN!!!!!!!
If you're thinking into coming to the World Cup in México, and you find México City with very nice wall paintings, plant spots, the Suburban Train Stations decorated and the streets well maintained, with lamp posts working in every corner, let me tell you something: that's just all a façade.
You may think that's how we have the City taken care at all times, but that's not true. I don't know if that has also happened to other countries when they host the Olympic Games, World Cups or any other sort of international event, but at least in this case, all these nice things you're about to see in a month were all a last minute (couple of months, actually) restorations and additions.
Most Suburban Trains, their Stations and lines haven't been getting regular maintenance nor restoration as they should, and while now they're getting a new, "superb" and aesthetically pleasing look on the surface, real problems lie within. Most Trains are old and have serious engineering issues, some bridges and railways as well...
My school was inaugurated 30 years ago, and in 30 years haven't been repaired... until now, affecting severely our School Calendar and our activities.
The Government rarely installs lamp posts and if they stop working, they're not repaired immediately. It can last months until that happens.
And the bicycle roads, recently added in one of the most important avenues? Totally useless. Although the Government is doing the effort to promote exercise and a healthy life by bicycle riding, this is the worst place to promote it. This is a big, chaotic City, with disfuncional roads and unhealthy polluted air. It's not Paris, nor Amsterdam. This is a suicidal city for bike riders, since the accidents are hugely common and the bicycle roads don't do anything but steal primordial space for cars. Not to mention they're signaled by plant spots so small and with low deepness for soil that the plants are already dried.
The Mayor of the City has asked us to not be around the city when the World Cup comes, and there has been a lot of confusions about the decision of wether advance vacations for elementary schools or not.
I actually thank the restorations being done, but why wait for an important event such as this to make them? And knowing how some things are done by the Mexican Government, who can guarantee that are done well and not just superficially for the sake of looks, only?
And they're all done just now, at the same time. If going from some point to another wasn't chaotic enough, with the Suburban Stations being restored, some of them even being closed due to that, the trips are even worse and more inefficient. The City is all upside down. We're exhausted, done with all this. I'm on the top of my limit and I've been having trouble focusing on School, and I'm tired more than usual because getting anywhere by public transportation is a mess. But of course, as soon as the World Cup starts, is going to be nice and functional, but tailor-made for the tourists, not their civilians.
On top of that, most of the republic is immersed in violence. Guerrero was taken by the mafia and the people is being forced to abandon their homes out of threat of being killed. Several civilians disappear each day, and the criminals are being protected by politicians. But the News are not covering this, because they don't want to spread panic to anyone and that this ruins the event of the World Cup. The mafia don't do harm to foreigners tho, because that would mean entering into international conflict.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not against the World Cup in its core, as a sports event, I don't despise foreigners coming to my city, I'm against the hypocrisy of our Government, their negligence and favor to tourists.
There's a term here, "Malinchismo" referring to a myth surrounding an Indian woman called, not named, "La Malinche" that is said she was Hernán Cortés' lover and was considered a traitor of her people. This term is used to describe the phenomenon of admiring foreign elements and despise our own. México as a nation has an issue on insecurity. It's believed we have to show our worth to the World, how great we are, but because of that, we tend to favor foreigners over us in order to get noticed. It seems we care more about their comfort rather about our necessities and well-being.
Don't get astounded nor get yourself deceived for what your eyes see. This is a beautiful City, worth to be explored and known, but most of the things you're going to come across, are just there to fool you into thinking we matter something to our authorities. We don't, we haven't, and I only pray to God that we do eventually in the future.
Please pray for the niece of a family friend. She was in a major car accident last night and is having open heart surgery today.
Happy Mother's Day!
My likes are currently not found!
Me at a start:
Me after I finally got it:

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Hey. Are you going to host the Juleap event this year?
Whoosh, it really depends on my school!! I kinda think it doesn't get much work done to make the preview announcement and then reblog all art that is done. However, July coincides with the month we have the end of semester's exposition and there's a lot of work to be done. But we'll see... I have to see it for myself later.
Suzume (Makoto Shinkai, 2022)
A friendly reminder if you needed it today. ❤️🩹
Wildflower season is here!!
I love spring 🥰
Nobody reads books like I do...
Happy Bengali New Year to everyone! 💐
I also sit like that, sometimes, lol! Happy Bengali New Year!! 🤗 I hope this year brings you each day as a flower bouquet!! 💐

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TW: vent, sui thoughts. Please scroll if you think it might make you uncomfortable.
No matter how hard I try to pretend to be okay, I'm really not... okay. I can feel it with my entire heart and soul. I'm slowly losing my memory, I'm losing my comprehension ability, losing my ability to create. And I can't help myself anyway. I'm dealing with suicidal thoughts each and every day, I don't pass a single day without crying. I'm losing myself. I wish I wasn't so different, I wish the world was a little kinder towards me.
I've been blamed my entire life for being myself. "Why are you so quiet?", "Why don't you eat at lunch break?", "Why are you always so depressed?" Thing they don't understand is, being "quiet" or "depressed" is not a choice. I can't chitchat or eat with less familiar people. I have extreme social anxiety and it's not a CHOICE, it's a disability. I'm not doing any of it intentionally, I'm not being stubborn or arrogant. I've tried my best to fit in, to become "normal", but I couldn't. I just can't.
People have mistaken my silence as my arrogance, my kindness as my foolishness, my love as my "worshipping" them. What they don't understand is I feel things deeply. My all emotions are intense, my sadness, my anger, so as my love. They have always corrected me as if my every actions, words, were wrong. I'm always wrong.
I don't pray to God for fixing things anymore, all I pray before bed is to take me to Him. I don't have anyone who could understand me. I only have an Asian mother and one brother. Worst part is nobody even wants to listen. I don't blame them, they got tired of me, even I got tired of myself. I don't even afford therapy. To be honest, I don't want to be healed anymore. All I want now is the end of all these things.
🫂
I know I can't fully understand you, but I kinda do, at least a little, about being too emotional. Is a hell of an experience when everything hits you on an entire whole level.
I kinda knew you weren't as okay as you told me last time. And I can't stop thinking about you, feeling desperate for not being able to help you more than I have offered. We're too far apart and I feel bad for the things that you've been through and the circumstances within your country you live in, things, I can't control nor solve, not at least by my own. My only comfort is how much I pray before the Lord for you, having in mind how fully well He knows about the fondness we feel for each other and how my prayers are heard because of that. I trust that in His own Wise Time, you'll be better.
I know it's hard to believe so, and more so, I know how hard is to deal with such pain. I only wish you relief, and rest from those experiences, without having to recur to something drastic. There's a reason He hasn't taken you with Him, yet. Maybe He's holding something amazing just for you. And I know, it's hard to be patient, I know that well, but it's all worth waiting for.
And you're right, maybe we're not destined to be fully healed. Frodo Baggins in Lord of the Ring didn't quite heal from the Nazgul's blade wound. There are wounds meant to stay with us. But wounds heal, and even if there's a scar, it can't hurt us more than it did when we first got it. Those are some shadows of the past, that haunt us, but we're already ahead of them. We survived them, and that's what matters. We shouldn't take hold on them, or let them have power over us. Our survival is a sign of how even stronger we are in comparison to our scars. ❤️🩹
Take a lot of care, my friend. Don't forget to rest as much as you're allowed to, drink water, don't skip meals and avoid the abuse of screentime. And you know you can count on me, although I sometimes can be sensitive, that's why it matters to me to know how are you currently feeling.
Lots of hugs!! 💗
Thank you so much my friend! 🥰
I know you're trying your best to help me. And that matters more than anything. My mind is at a bit more ease now after releasing those thoughts and reading your kind words. I also keep you in my prayers.
I'm not really skipping meals, I just take them at different times on workdays. So, don't worry about it! And yes, I'm trying to reduce my screen time. I want to use my phone for study and drawing purpose only. I uninstalled Instagram already and I wish I could uninstall other media as well. I don't want some apps to exhaust me (and my phone!) and control my life. But I use Facebook to keep myself updated with job circulars and Tumblr to share my artworks. However, I spend less time on these apps then before.
Thank you again for being there! Take care of yourself too! ❤️
Oh, I do understand the lunch situation, I kinda do the same! 😅 But I have the knowledge that people who are depressed tend to skip meals or that skipping meals can cause anxiety, exhaustion and depression. So I just wanted to make sure you're doing alright. 😊
TW: vent, sui thoughts. Please scroll if you think it might make you uncomfortable.
No matter how hard I try to pretend to be okay, I'm really not... okay. I can feel it with my entire heart and soul. I'm slowly losing my memory, I'm losing my comprehension ability, losing my ability to create. And I can't help myself anyway. I'm dealing with suicidal thoughts each and every day, I don't pass a single day without crying. I'm losing myself. I wish I wasn't so different, I wish the world was a little kinder towards me.
I've been blamed my entire life for being myself. "Why are you so quiet?", "Why don't you eat at lunch break?", "Why are you always so depressed?" Thing they don't understand is, being "quiet" or "depressed" is not a choice. I can't chitchat or eat with less familiar people. I have extreme social anxiety and it's not a CHOICE, it's a disability. I'm not doing any of it intentionally, I'm not being stubborn or arrogant. I've tried my best to fit in, to become "normal", but I couldn't. I just can't.
People have mistaken my silence as my arrogance, my kindness as my foolishness, my love as my "worshipping" them. What they don't understand is I feel things deeply. My all emotions are intense, my sadness, my anger, so as my love. They have always corrected me as if my every actions, words, were wrong. I'm always wrong.
I don't pray to God for fixing things anymore, all I pray before bed is to take me to Him. I don't have anyone who could understand me. I only have an Asian mother and one brother. Worst part is nobody even wants to listen. I don't blame them, they got tired of me, even I got tired of myself. I don't even afford therapy. To be honest, I don't want to be healed anymore. All I want now is the end of all these things.
🫂
I know I can't fully understand you, but I kinda do, at least a little, about being too emotional. Is a hell of an experience when everything hits you on an entire whole level.
I kinda knew you weren't as okay as you told me last time. And I can't stop thinking about you, feeling desperate for not being able to help you more than I have offered. We're too far apart and I feel bad for the things that you've been through and the circumstances within your country you live in, things, I can't control nor solve, not at least by my own. My only comfort is how much I pray before the Lord for you, having in mind how fully well He knows about the fondness we feel for each other and how my prayers are heard because of that. I trust that in His own Wise Time, you'll be better.
I know it's hard to believe so, and more so, I know how hard is to deal with such pain. I only wish you relief, and rest from those experiences, without having to recur to something drastic. There's a reason He hasn't taken you with Him, yet. Maybe He's holding something amazing just for you. And I know, it's hard to be patient, I know that well, but it's all worth waiting for.
And you're right, maybe we're not destined to be fully healed. Frodo Baggins in Lord of the Ring didn't quite heal from the Nazgul's blade wound. There are wounds meant to stay with us. But wounds heal, and even if there's a scar, it can't hurt us more than it did when we first got it. Those are some shadows of the past, that haunt us, but we're already ahead of them. We survived them, and that's what matters. We shouldn't take hold on them, or let them have power over us. Our survival is a sign of how even stronger we are in comparison to our scars. ❤️🩹
Take a lot of care, my friend. Don't forget to rest as much as you're allowed to, drink water, don't skip meals and avoid the abuse of screentime. And you know you can count on me, although I sometimes can be sensitive, that's why it matters to me to know how are you currently feeling.
Lots of hugs!! 💗