#modeldream

my biggest new years resolution is to have some kind of contact with a modeling agency again. whether it is me being scouted again or me actually becoming a model does not matter, i really just want to get in touch with an agency again. 

and to obtain that resolution i want to:

- get clear skin. i know this has been a focus for a lot of the months of 2017, but i really want to get clear skin and it something that is required of a topmodel, so i will need to get it.

- drink at least 3 bottles of water a day. i do not drink a lot of water and this year i want to change that. mainly because drinking a lot of water will help me achieving the clear skin

- eat at least 2 pieces of fruit a day. again i do not eat a lot of fruit so yeah i want to change that as well.

- workout at least 2 times a week. first of all i really think i could use some toning, second of all almost every topmodel today has a beautiful toned body so if i want to achieve my dreams, i will also need to start working out more.

- say yes to more things. as i have told you guys before i have a tendency to say no to almost everything, and this year i am hoping to change that. i am hoping it will help me to become more happy and outgoing.

- have a fantastic year. even if i end up not having had any contact with a modeling agency by the end of the year, i still want to have a fantastic year, after all this is the year that i turn 18. wtf.

hello guys

i just found an email from the agency i went to an interview with 2 weeks ago in my spam folder. they chose not to move forward with me. that was my last shot, and im so sad. for the last four years i’ve told myself that i was going to be a successful model. i envisioned myself on all the major runways and doing multiple photoshoots for vogue, when in reality i don’t think i would have been happy working as a model. i don’t think i would have been able to handle being judged on the daily, having to be extremely patient, work in extreme conditions and so on. i’ve worked so hard over the last four years to fit into a role, i was never meant to fit into. so at the same time it is kind of a relief. 

my biggest motivation for getting into modelling was to help make the world a better place. i always thought if i could become a public figure i would have a voice that would be heard. but how was i ever going to make the world a better place, when i as a model, would embody the perfect human, the perfect body and the perfect face. i would only ever contribute to one of the biggest negative sites of social media.

nevertheless i’m thankful for the journey modeling has brought me on. its been a part of making me who i am. modeling helped me figure out what i want to do with my life. i want to help people. and in my next gap year that is hopefully exactly what i’m going to do. and to anyone who might read this thank you for taking your time to read about my dreams.

This is my goodbye to modeling and this blog. Thank you for everything.

hello

last friday i went to talk with the agency that i send my pictures to back in march, and they were so so so so nice! i felt so welcome and they were so good at explaining what was going to happen. and compared to elite they actually sat down to get to know me. i talked with them for about half an hour and then we shot a couple of polaroids, and it wasn’t just the standard polaroids, they also asked me to sit down and “act cool”. i think we shot around 20-30 pictures, and we did a lot of variations. i came out of the interview with a really good feeling, however if it does not turn out, i will be okay and i will find my way in the world anyway. i just knew that if i did not take this opportunity i would come to regret it for the rest of my life

as always i will update you once i know more

hellooo

so remember how i was really frustrated with eml for not contacting me. well they did. turns out my application for eml was meant for 2020 and not 2019. confusing? yes. they told me if i was still interested i could come to a casting. so i did. and i feel really good about it to be honest. like i feel like i was entirely myself and the agent was soooo nice to me, it was not awkward at one point. i was really nervous at first but as soon as i started talking with the agent, i felt really comfortable. they took my measurements and we shot a couple of polaroids and even a video where i had to say my name, my age and where i was from. i felt like i followed their instructions very well. however i never got a chance to see the polaroids that we shot, so i have no idea how i looked, but i guess that is something you would have to get used to.

so even if they decide not to move forward with me, i can honestly say that i did the best that i could, and that i am happy with my effort. although i would love to move forward. we’ll have to see.

sooo the national finale in elite model look has taken place, and i did not participate. i still have not heard from them, despite contacting them two times. im still very frustrated about this whole thing with elite, but if i did not continue to chase my dream i know i will come to regret it in the future. therefore, i sent my pictures to a fourth agency today. im excited to hear back from them. and who knows maybe this time, i will actually make it. 

so guess what it has been 5 weeks, since my elite model look application was approved, and have i heard anything from them? nope. have you written them? yes. have they answered you? nooooo. have you been at an individual casting that was supposed to take place during august? nooooooooooooo. like why would you even bother to approve my application, if you are not even going to have me go to a casting. like i don’t understand. and that is not even the worst part. i found out yesterday that the national final is supposed to take place the 14th of september and i can’t fucking go. like even if they had contacted me, i would not be able to go to the finale because i have to work... and none of my coworkers can cover for me. like this is all so frustrating. i have been waiting to hear from them for 5 fucking weeeeeks. the thing is i can’t keep doing this with modeling agencies. like if i’m only taking 1 gap year i want to travel for 2-3 months, but in order for me to do that i need another job, i need more hours. and i’ve waited to apply to new jobs because of eml. because if i made it to the finale, i would have a contract with elite. and i would have more than 1 gap year to see if i was able to make it as a model. i feel like i’ve wasted 5 weeks. im so done with this whole thing. like they might still contact me, but i cant even go, like what’s the point. 

i have some great news!

My application to eml was approved! i made it further this time! hopefully i will make it even further. i am just happy that i have once again had some positive contact with the modeling world.