I'm gonna start journaling everyday I missed the 1st of January because I slept all day, as I stayed up watching the ball drop, listening to music and watching YouTube videos. This is what most days have been like lately, sleeping all day and really only leaving the house once a week, twice if I'm lucky. I really feel like I'm letting my life pass me by, 2017 went by in a heartbeat and I've really done nothing all year. But the thing is I convince myself that love solitude and being alone, which I do, to an extent- I hung out with friends outside of school functions twice this year I think, I went to see a movie with ****** and *** then I went to a Halloween festival thing with them and ****. I feel kinda bad that that was probably the best night of my life, so far as a 16 year old. I also did nothing on my 16th which is cool because birthdays aren't even really a big deal, like at all, but i don't know, it's been so implemented into my brain that you're supposed to have some big birthday party with everyone you know, but I've never even really cared about birthdays. I wanted to stop celebrating my birthday when I was like 10 or 11. I remember having a Monster High themed party, where I made my own birthday cake, we bought a bunch of decorations and we even made a bunch of goodie bags for the guests but i think maybe 4 people showed up, all of which were family members, because I was homeschooled and probably hadn't spoken to someone out side of our family in years. That was around 7-6 years ago and I still remember it so clearly.
I'm hoping 2018 will be a better year for me, I'm hoping in 2019 I'll be able to look at this remember how low I was in life at this point and be proud of my self improvement, I'm hoping that 2018 is really MY year. I need it.
