dreaming of becoming a model

hello guys

i just found an email from the agency i went to an interview with 2 weeks ago in my spam folder. they chose not to move forward with me. that was my last shot, and im so sad. for the last four years i’ve told myself that i was going to be a successful model. i envisioned myself on all the major runways and doing multiple photoshoots for vogue, when in reality i don’t think i would have been happy working as a model. i don’t think i would have been able to handle being judged on the daily, having to be extremely patient, work in extreme conditions and so on. i’ve worked so hard over the last four years to fit into a role, i was never meant to fit into. so at the same time it is kind of a relief. 

my biggest motivation for getting into modelling was to help make the world a better place. i always thought if i could become a public figure i would have a voice that would be heard. but how was i ever going to make the world a better place, when i as a model, would embody the perfect human, the perfect body and the perfect face. i would only ever contribute to one of the biggest negative sites of social media.

nevertheless i’m thankful for the journey modeling has brought me on. its been a part of making me who i am. modeling helped me figure out what i want to do with my life. i want to help people. and in my next gap year that is hopefully exactly what i’m going to do. and to anyone who might read this thank you for taking your time to read about my dreams.

This is my goodbye to modeling and this blog. Thank you for everything.

hello

last friday i went to talk with the agency that i send my pictures to back in march, and they were so so so so nice! i felt so welcome and they were so good at explaining what was going to happen. and compared to elite they actually sat down to get to know me. i talked with them for about half an hour and then we shot a couple of polaroids, and it wasn’t just the standard polaroids, they also asked me to sit down and “act cool”. i think we shot around 20-30 pictures, and we did a lot of variations. i came out of the interview with a really good feeling, however if it does not turn out, i will be okay and i will find my way in the world anyway. i just knew that if i did not take this opportunity i would come to regret it for the rest of my life

as always i will update you once i know more

hello. you have probably wondered where i have been, so let me explain.

after i got the email from elite back in the middle of december, i really wanted to send my pictures to the last couple of agencies in denmark. however, as i was leaving to go on a 2 month trip the 2nd of january, there was no way that i would actually be able to send an agency pictures, hear back from them, go to a casting, and hear back from them. i felt like i wouldn’t give the best first impressions. so i decided to wait till i came back from my trip. 

i arrived back in denmark on the 27th of february, and to be honest i had actually forgotten about my plans. i was just excited to see my family and friends again and on my trip i had also come to terms with the fact that i wasn’t going to become a model, and i had realised that no matter what i would probably end up having a job that i thoroughly enjoyed. however, the 27th of february was also the day that the first case of covid-19 was identified in denmark. and a couple of weeks later denmark closed down, and thereby also the modeling agencies meaning i wouldn’t even be able to go to a casting if i wanted to.

about a week ago one of the big agencies in denmark encouraged people to send them pictures online. and i thought to myself: why not try one last time? so i did. i spent the next day taking pictures and i sent them in. and they actually replied asking me to come to an interview (not a casting) once the whole corona thing passed. and i was so shocked as i didn’t think it would actually work out. 1. i was not happy with the pictures i sent them and 2. i have started breaking out recently. nonetheless i have once again had positive contact with a modeling agency. this also means that the three biggest modeling agencies in denmark has shown an interest in me, which is sooo crazy to me. in total i have been “scouted” by four different modeling agencies. three and a half years ago when i was just dreaming about becoming a model, i would have never imagined that i would have this much positive contact with modeling agencies. and the fact that i have actually managed to get back up and try again after being rejected over and over again makes me so proud. at the end of the day i feel like i can say i have done everything i can, and that is something i’m super proud of. and if i doesn’t work out with this agency either. it’s okay. i will find my way in this world anyways.

sooo i finally heard back from elite after almost 2,5 weeks and they decided not to move forward me. they basically said that they didn’t think they could give me a successful modeling career in the elite world. story of my life.

it is sooooo frustrating that three, not one, not two, but three!!!! major modeling agencies has shown an interest in me and yet here i am not one step closer to becoming a model. like i’ve only had contact with four agencies and three of those agencies has shown an interest. im just so sick and tired of getting told that i have model potential, when that statement does not lead to anything. 

when i read that email from elite earlier today, my heart sank. like i really thought this was the one, i really thought i was going to make it this time. i even traveled 5 hours to go their casting. but on the other hand i’m also kinda happy that i didn’t make it with elite, as their casting proces has been so frustrating. like i applied to elite model look at the end of july. IT HAS BEEN 5 MONTHS! for some reason i decided that i wanted to apply to one agency at a time, i could have spent those 5 months on applying to the rest of the agencies in denmark. like if elite is that slow at communicating with their models, i literally would be so frustrated all the time. 

at first when i read the email i was like im done. i dont want to do this anymore. i am never going to make it. and what’s the point? but the thing is, i know i would come to regret it, if it didn’t give it my all and i still haven’t done that. there is still a couple of agencies i can send some photos to. and that is what i’m going to do. and i think i’m even going to send some pictures to the first agency that i got scouted by, just to give it a shot again. like its been three years. maybe something has changed? and if i don’t hear back from any of them, there is not a lot left to do. and at that point i think its time to move forward. to figure out what i want to do with my life, maybe pursue acting? 

hellooo

so remember how i was really frustrated with eml for not contacting me. well they did. turns out my application for eml was meant for 2020 and not 2019. confusing? yes. they told me if i was still interested i could come to a casting. so i did. and i feel really good about it to be honest. like i feel like i was entirely myself and the agent was soooo nice to me, it was not awkward at one point. i was really nervous at first but as soon as i started talking with the agent, i felt really comfortable. they took my measurements and we shot a couple of polaroids and even a video where i had to say my name, my age and where i was from. i felt like i followed their instructions very well. however i never got a chance to see the polaroids that we shot, so i have no idea how i looked, but i guess that is something you would have to get used to.

so even if they decide not to move forward with me, i can honestly say that i did the best that i could, and that i am happy with my effort. although i would love to move forward. we’ll have to see.

sooo the national finale in elite model look has taken place, and i did not participate. i still have not heard from them, despite contacting them two times. im still very frustrated about this whole thing with elite, but if i did not continue to chase my dream i know i will come to regret it in the future. therefore, i sent my pictures to a fourth agency today. im excited to hear back from them. and who knows maybe this time, i will actually make it. 

so guess what it has been 5 weeks, since my elite model look application was approved, and have i heard anything from them? nope. have you written them? yes. have they answered you? nooooo. have you been at an individual casting that was supposed to take place during august? nooooooooooooo. like why would you even bother to approve my application, if you are not even going to have me go to a casting. like i don’t understand. and that is not even the worst part. i found out yesterday that the national final is supposed to take place the 14th of september and i can’t fucking go. like even if they had contacted me, i would not be able to go to the finale because i have to work... and none of my coworkers can cover for me. like this is all so frustrating. i have been waiting to hear from them for 5 fucking weeeeeks. the thing is i can’t keep doing this with modeling agencies. like if i’m only taking 1 gap year i want to travel for 2-3 months, but in order for me to do that i need another job, i need more hours. and i’ve waited to apply to new jobs because of eml. because if i made it to the finale, i would have a contract with elite. and i would have more than 1 gap year to see if i was able to make it as a model. i feel like i’ve wasted 5 weeks. im so done with this whole thing. like they might still contact me, but i cant even go, like what’s the point. 

i have some great news!

My application to eml was approved! i made it further this time! hopefully i will make it even further. i am just happy that i have once again had some positive contact with the modeling world.

hello guys

once again it has been a half year since i last updated you guys. i’m sorry. let me pick up where i left off.

i went to the dermatologist and she decided to put me on tetralysal for 2 months meaning i had to take 2 pills every morning and 2 pills every evening. and then she also scheduled a follow up appointment in march to decide whether or not i should have some stronger acne medication. luckily that was not the case. the dermatologist was so impressed with my skin at the follow up appointment that she asked whether or not i was wearing makeup. i was very flattered by this question, but i was still not happy with my skin due to the scarring, therefore i asked her if there was something i could do at home to get rid of the acne scarring and she told me that there was not. but she wanted to schedule a new appointment in the middle of august and if my acne scarring had not improved by then i would be offered laser treatment. 

luckily the dark marks caused by my acne have faded, so my acne scarring is not as bad anymore, however it is still very visible. 

so my skin has definitely improved and i am now at that point where i am once again comfortable walking around without makeup. 

some of you might ask me: have you contacted the agency that scouted you? no i have not. since the agency that i was scouted by is very small i decided that it was better that i tried my luck with the elite model look competition once again. i finished my application today, and i am really excited to see if i make it past the application round this time. if i do not i will contact the smaller agency and explain everything that has happened, and hopefully they will understand. it just feels a bit weird to contact the agency that scouted me almost a year ago. but i do have reasonable explanation.

hey guys

it has been a long time since my last update. almost half a year, and the reason for this is that i have not been able to move forward with my dream. shortly after i had been scouted in august i purchased the glycolic acid toner from the ordinary as i had some skin colored bumps on my forehead and cheeks that i wanted to get rid of. the toner started breaking me out, but that was something i expected as glycolic acid does that in the first few weeks. in the meantime i called the agency and the agency told me to just send some pictures, however i was hoping for a meeting, as it would give me time to clear my skin. so i decided to put off taking the pictures until my skin had gotten better. 

almost a month passed and my skin continued to worsen. at this point my right jawline was filled with pimples. this was when i decided to discontinue the use of the toner. around the same time i contacted the agency to tell them that i was not able to send them pictures due to an allergic reaction to a product. i also told them that i would contact them as soon as it had gotten better. 

another month passed and my skin had continued to worsen. my entire right cheek was at that time filled with pimples. this was when i decided to eat and drink less dairy. for the first three weeks i tried to cut dairy out completely, however i did not see any results, besides the skin coloured bumps disappearing (to this day i still try to avoid dairy, but i do eat it every now and then). because i did not see a lot of results i finally contacted my doctor. she gave me an acne cream. the acne cream burned and dried out my skin, but i continue to use it.

a month later i had a follow up appointment with my doctor to check if everything was going as it should. it was. i still had a lot of active pimples, and pimples had started forming on my left cheek but it was not as bad as before the cream. however the pimples that had gone away created acne scars, and because of this my doctor gave me a reference to the dermatologist. i have an appointment in the start of January.

as i am writing this post my skin has improved. i have less active pimples but i still get some every now and then. i have a lot of acne scars on my right cheek as well as a few on my left. i have a few cystic spots as well. 

i am so scared that my skin will never clear up, and that i will be stuck with my acne scars forever, because that will mean that my dream is not possible. i have cried a lot lately because i am also scared that i am running out of time. im 18 and a half. it will take me at least a year to clear my skin completely and by then i will almost be too old to be a fresh face in the industry. it sucks that despite being scouted twice i’m not able to move forward. i feel as if i am stuck. the only job that sounds interesting to me is modeling, and there is a possibility it will never happen. but there is still hope. i’m really hoping my appointment with the dermatologist will help me.

on another note 2018 ends tonight. therefore i would also like to address my 2018 new years resolutions

- my biggest new years resolution was to have some kind of contact with a modeling agency. and i did. i was scouted. and for that i am soooo thankful. i really hope 2019 brings me closer to obtaining my dreams.

- get clear skin: well i do not think we need to talk more about this.

- drink at least 3 bottles of water a day: i believe i did this. and i am so happy that i was able to this, as i in 2017 had a habit of not drinking water throughout the day. 

- eat at least 2 pieces of fruit a day: i did not do this. but i did end up eating more fruit than i ever have before, so i am also happy about this.

- workout at least 2 times a week: i did not do this. i have started working out more, which i am also happy about. sometimes it is just hard to find the motivation or time to workout.

- say yes to more things: i did this, and it brought me more joy, but it also made me realize that some times it is better to say no.

- have a fantstic year: i did have a fantastic year and i hope you had a fantastic year as well.

tomorrow i will be back with my 2019 new years resolutions. 

hello guys i am so sorry for being inactive, but i didn’t see the point in doing the same goals over and over again (i still don’t have clear skin, but we are definitely getting there!), so i decided that my next post was going to be an update, and then i would take it from there.

so guys, i am so excited to tell you this! recently i was in Aarhus with my mom and brother’s girlfriend. we were shopping, when a man approached me and asked if he could bother me for a moment, turns out he was the director of a model agency! i got scouted again!!! however it is a much smaller and newer agency than the last one, but i think i am going to call the agency anyways. hopefully they will move forward with me, and my dream might come true. but we will just have to wait and see.

hello guys, i am very well aware that this is the last day of march, but i just have not had time to update, or well let us be honest, i have just forgotten to do it. anyways i still picked a focus for this month. but let us start with updating you guys on the february focus 

update: i would definitely say i have relaxed more. i have started to read 30 minutes before going to bed and it honestly makes it way easier to sleep.

hello guys, i decided to skip having a focus for january because i had the new year’s resolutions to focus on. so here we are half way through february one and a half months have already passed in the new year, time is moving so fast. i will start off by updating you on my new year’s resolutions.

contact with a modeling agency: no progress

clear skin: progress, i started the year with bad skin and i have just been through a bad period but the bumps on my forehead are visibly reduced so i am getting closer to obtaining clear skin.

3 bottles of water every day: completed.

2 pieces of fruit every day: progress, i have at least eaten 1 fruit every day. however, i have not eaten 2 pieces of fruit every day this year

workout 2 times every week: completed.

say yes to more things: no progress, it has generally been a very bad start to the year so i have been very negative. my boss’ dad died, Prince Henrik died and one of the girls i danced with died. RIP. 

i would say it has been a bad start for 2018 but it is going quite well with my new year’s resolutions, i do want to have another focus for february because i have noticed that i have a tendency to stress myself out so

i need to relax more.

my biggest new years resolution is to have some kind of contact with a modeling agency again. whether it is me being scouted again or me actually becoming a model does not matter, i really just want to get in touch with an agency again. 

and to obtain that resolution i want to:

- get clear skin. i know this has been a focus for a lot of the months of 2017, but i really want to get clear skin and it something that is required of a topmodel, so i will need to get it.

- drink at least 3 bottles of water a day. i do not drink a lot of water and this year i want to change that. mainly because drinking a lot of water will help me achieving the clear skin

- eat at least 2 pieces of fruit a day. again i do not eat a lot of fruit so yeah i want to change that as well.

- workout at least 2 times a week. first of all i really think i could use some toning, second of all almost every topmodel today has a beautiful toned body so if i want to achieve my dreams, i will also need to start working out more.

- say yes to more things. as i have told you guys before i have a tendency to say no to almost everything, and this year i am hoping to change that. i am hoping it will help me to become more happy and outgoing.

- have a fantastic year. even if i end up not having had any contact with a modeling agency by the end of the year, i still want to have a fantastic year, after all this is the year that i turn 18. wtf.

hello guys i am still alive and i still have big modeling dreams. Honestly i just forgot to update in november, but here i am back at it! 

focus: be more positive

so october has come around. and october is a bit special, as it has been 6 months since i was scouted, therefore my focus is

focus: do not rush things

reason: as it has been 6 months since i was scouted, i have freaked out a little, because nothing has happened in my modeling career since i was scouted. But honestly, i need to realize that there is no need for me to rush things. first of all i would not be able to start my career as of right now, because i am still in high school (probably not the right translation but shhh) for another 1.5 years. Secondly, if i am meant to become a model, i will know. Lastly, my skin still has not cleared up, so i am still waiting for the last appearances pieces to fall in place.