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Agamemnon: I truly hate it here.
Odysseus: Now replace “it” with “women”. Not so funny now, is it?
Achilles: Now replace “it” with “women”. Not so funny now, is women?
Diomedes: Now replace “funny” with “it”. Not so it now, is women?
Menelaus: I’m having a fucking stroke.
Patroclus: Now replace “stroke” with “baby”. Congratulations!
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Odysseus: Time for plan G.
Diomedes: Don’t you mean plan B?
Odysseus: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.
Menelaus: What about plan D?
Odysseus: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.
Agamemnon: What about plan E?
Odysseus: I’m hoping not to use it. You die in plan E.
Achilles: I like plan E.
Agamemnon: How do Odysseus and Diomedes usually get out of these messes?
Menelaus: They don't. They just make a bigger mess that cancels out the first one.
Menelaus: If I punch myself and it hurts, am I weak or strong?
Diomedes: Strong.
Achilles: Weak.
Odysseus: An idiot is what you are.
Achilles: “You’re losing blood” no I know exactly where it is. The floor. Don’t ever underestimate me.
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Odysseus: Have you heard the joke about the gaslighter?
Menelaus: No…
Odysseus: Yes, you have.
Menelaus: No, I haven’t.
Odysseus: You’ve literally heard it already.
Menelaus: NO I HAVEN’T!
Odysseus: Yes, you have.
Menelaus: I DON’T KNOW IT?
Odysseus: You’re crazy.
Hector: I have the sharpest memory! Name one time I forgot something.
Paris: You left me at a temple, like, three weeks ago.
Hector: I did that on purpose, try again.
Achilles: FIGHT ME, YOU NERD ASS SLUT!
Odysseus: At least try to sound slightly more sophisticated when you threaten someone.
Achilles: Oh, I'm sorry. I should ask; dost thou want to engage in a duel, my good bitch?
Odysseus: Somehow that's worse.
