#mixed orientation

A vari-relationship or variship for short is a relationship where the people involved don’t feel the same type of attraction(s) toward each other. I coined it with having in mind :

- aromantic people in relationship with alloromantic people (not aromantic),

- asexual people in relationship with allosexual people (not asexual),

- aroace people in relationship with allo people (not aromantic nor asexual), 

- varioriented people in relationship with perioriented people (varioriented means your romantic and sexual orientation don’t match, while perioriented means they do match). 

- relationship anarchists and polyamorous people that may have unconventional relationships,

- any other relationship where all the partners are ok to have a relationship while not sharing the same type of attraction(s) toward each other.

Examples of variships :

- X is aromantic bisexual and Y is biromantic bisexual (alloromantic). X feels platonic and sexual attractions for Y, while Y feels romantic and sexual attraction for X.

- X is asexual homoromantic and Y is gay (allosexual). X feels aesthetic and romantic attraction for Y, while Y feels sexual and romantic attraction for X.

- X is a biromantic heterosexual girl (varioriented) and Y is a lesbian (perioriented). X feels romantic attraction for Y, while Y feels romantic and sexual attraction for X.

- X and Y are both relationship anarchists. X feels romantic attraction for Y and Y feels queerplatonic attraction for Y. They don’t feel the need to make their relationship more “conventional” or try to fit it into a box, and it’s cool for them.

The key idea behind variships is that the partners are cool with having a relationship somewhat unconventional, out of the amatonormative romantico-sexual traditionnal relationship that society expects. 

A variship can include any relationship elements or not : romantic stuff, sexual intimacy, queerplatonic-like stuff, etc. It’s all up to the people involved ! For instance, an asexual person with an allosexual person are in a variship, but they may or may not have sex. 

The prefix “vari” is derived from the word “varioriented” since it means having mismatched attractions, I just figured I would take an already known prefix in order not to have too many complicated and confusing prefixes out there, plus variships are coined with varioriented and a-spec people in mind, so I thought it fits perfectly!

Variship is a word that can be useful for people who struggle to fit their relationship into labels like “romantic” and “queerplatonic” (etc.) because there’s a mismatch between partners. 

Hey there, anon. It can be difficult to express your feelings when it comes to mixed orientations. How do they act with you? Are you comfortable together as friends? I’ve never been on your side of the equation, as I’m aro, but I think that there is nothing wrong with coming to them with your feelings. Say that you love them/care for them, even if they won’t have the same romantic attraction towards you. But also be mindful of how they might react. 

Hey lovely :) 

It might have to do with being ace/aro, it might not. And yes ut us possible to be bisexual and heteroromantic. Only you can decide your identity, which means you can interpret your experiences however you like. What feels right to you? 

For example, for me, I id as bisexual and greyromantic. I have pretty frequent sexual and aesthetic attraction to many genders. But only romantic attraction once, to a girl. Does this make me grey-womaromantic? It would be valid for me to id that way if I wanted to. But I decided that for me personally, a sample size of one wasn't enough to establish a real pattern for my romantic attractions. So I leave my romantic id as greyromantic without specifying a gender preference.

This approach may work for you, or you may determine your orientation on different criteria. Whatever you decide, remember the label is only to help you describe your experiences and feelings about your own identity. You can change it at any time to better reflect you, or choose not to label yourself at all. Whatever you decide is good and valid!