#variship

A vari-relationship or variship for short is a relationship where the people involved don’t feel the same type of attraction(s) toward each other. I coined it with having in mind :

- aromantic people in relationship with alloromantic people (not aromantic),

- asexual people in relationship with allosexual people (not asexual),

- aroace people in relationship with allo people (not aromantic nor asexual), 

- varioriented people in relationship with perioriented people (varioriented means your romantic and sexual orientation don’t match, while perioriented means they do match). 

- relationship anarchists and polyamorous people that may have unconventional relationships,

- any other relationship where all the partners are ok to have a relationship while not sharing the same type of attraction(s) toward each other.

Examples of variships :

- X is aromantic bisexual and Y is biromantic bisexual (alloromantic). X feels platonic and sexual attractions for Y, while Y feels romantic and sexual attraction for X.

- X is asexual homoromantic and Y is gay (allosexual). X feels aesthetic and romantic attraction for Y, while Y feels sexual and romantic attraction for X.

- X is a biromantic heterosexual girl (varioriented) and Y is a lesbian (perioriented). X feels romantic attraction for Y, while Y feels romantic and sexual attraction for X.

- X and Y are both relationship anarchists. X feels romantic attraction for Y and Y feels queerplatonic attraction for Y. They don’t feel the need to make their relationship more “conventional” or try to fit it into a box, and it’s cool for them.

The key idea behind variships is that the partners are cool with having a relationship somewhat unconventional, out of the amatonormative romantico-sexual traditionnal relationship that society expects. 

A variship can include any relationship elements or not : romantic stuff, sexual intimacy, queerplatonic-like stuff, etc. It’s all up to the people involved ! For instance, an asexual person with an allosexual person are in a variship, but they may or may not have sex. 

The prefix “vari” is derived from the word “varioriented” since it means having mismatched attractions, I just figured I would take an already known prefix in order not to have too many complicated and confusing prefixes out there, plus variships are coined with varioriented and a-spec people in mind, so I thought it fits perfectly!

Variship is a word that can be useful for people who struggle to fit their relationship into labels like “romantic” and “queerplatonic” (etc.) because there’s a mismatch between partners. 

A vari-relationship or variship for short is a relationship where the people involved don’t feel the same type of attraction(s) toward each other. 

(For more details about the meaning and the coining, see this post : https://queer-coloured-glasses.tumblr.com/post/183361899619/variship-new-relationship-term )

I was asked if multisexual people (bisexual, pansexual, etc.) in a relationship with a monosexual person could use variship. It could be ONLY if the people involved don’t feel the same type of attraction(s) toward each other as it says in the definition. 

Example : a biromantic asexual girl in a relationship with a lesbian girl are in a variship because one feels romantic attraction while the other feels romantic and sexual attraction. Not the same attractions in nature on both parts. 

Example 2 : a bisexual biromantic girl in a relationship with a lesbian girl are NOT in a variship if they both feel romantic and sexual attraction to each other. Because they feel the same attractions in nature toward each other.

Variship is about attraction(s) felt in a relationship, not orientation itself.