#miseryfled

   You were on a camping trip with your friends. It was the first time ever, so like any rational person, you looked up camping tips and tricks. Every site you checked, every blog you read, they told you to stay on the path. Everyone, all of these strangers, they warned you of the dangers that lurked in the woods. If you were lost, you may never be found again. You brushed it off as them just being superstitious and overly cautious. The forest wasn’t that dangerous, was it?

   So you forgot your lessons. When you were on your trip, you followed your friends down to your spot. You set up your tents, your chairs, and your worries were left behind at the entrance. Nothing mattered as you sat around that fire. Nothing mattered as you scattered trash around the ground. Nothing mattered as your chattering scared away animals. Nothing mattered to you except your selfish, human needs. But, you surprised Him. You surprised the Forest. You cleaned up. Your friends got in their tents for the nights, and you heard something moving in the underbrush.

    You got up. You stepped off the path. You were lost the minute you stepped out of your world. You stepped out of your world and into His. When you stepped into the leaves and limbs and grass, something changed. Trees moved. Bushes grew. Animals got louder. It’s almost like you understood them. It’s almost like they were welcoming you home. A bird swoops down and lands on your shoulder. A squirrel runs past you. A deer, a little fawn, gives the softest bleat, and calls to you to follow it.

    And you did. You followed the tiny fawn. It bobbed and weaved through the woods, missing trees and bushes and roots. When the deer was tired, it shifted before your very eyes into an owl and coasted through the air. You lungs burned. Your heart and every other muscle ached and cried for help and release. You wanted to stop running, but as long as the creature in front of you moved, you had to chase it.

    You were so far from home. You were so lonely. You were so lost. You didn’t realize this until you stopped running. You didn’t notice until you looked around. You changed too, didn’t you? Your shoes were gone and your feet are covered in mud. Your hair was longer and unkempt. You’d been running for a long time, right? You were so so tired. You wanted to go home. 

    But you were home. You’re safe. And everything was okay. You could sit down. You could rest. And you did. You rested, but when you dropped to your knees, something changed. That creature in front of you changed again. Not an owl. Not a deer. Well, at least not completely. Deer hooves. Deer legs. Deer tail. Human chest and arms and hands (disregarding the claws). Human face. Deer ears. Deer antlers. All real.

    Before you fell asleep, you felt your world move, and you were resting in the arms of that stranger. When you woke up, a blanket of old furs covered you, waking you from your slumber in the nest of leaves and grass. Surrounding you was an abandoned temple, overtaken by nature. The forest took back what humans took from it. Beside your nest was a little handmade and hand-carved table. On it, a bowl of water, a bowl of berries, and a bowl of freshly picked fruits. Food for you.

    Again, when you woke up, you looked up to see the fawn standing before you, a cane topped with green crystals used as a walking stick in his left hand. When he noticed that you were awake, a smile bloomed across his face.

    “Welcome.” His voice was soft. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, my friend. You fell off the path and got lost, so I decided to take you here so you could rest and heal. Nobody should stumble around with a broken ankle, right?”

HER DEMAND LEAVES HIM SHAKEN to such a degree that Caliban is unsure exactly how to proceed. To date, it remains – single-handedly – one of, if not the most BIZARRE thing that’s been asked of him while carrying out his duties. He is meant to serve as a foreteller of ruin to those who stray from The Path, while offering GUIDANCE to those who embraced their rebirth as he had. This is neither of those things – this is temptation! And Father, forgive him, for he is TEMPTED. He is but a messenger! He is still susceptible to the wickedness this world exudes. That she is marked for! It is a woeful and lofty reminder of how painfully human he is!

SHE CLINGS TO HIM, DESPERATE for his acknowledgement, fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt, keeping him close while he stares at her, horrified. It crosses his mind that this is another trap – she’s done similar things in the past, going so far as to attempt to DROWN him and displaying little conscience after the fact! It makes him wary of her request, and yet he cannot deny the allure of a woman like her confessing to WANTING him. She is very beautiful. Even if she is riddled with sin, that does not detract from her other, more God-given gifts. 

HE WONDERS IF SHE NOTICES the way his hands tremble as he seizes her hips. He came to her in the form of wrath incarnate – a monstrous vision of the Hell that awaited those who rejected their salvation. He would not falter nor would he succumb to her suggestion, and yet his own undoing comes when he reaches the conclusion that he wants her as well. For once, he remains SILENT, eyes squeezing shut as he attempts to – in vain – ignore the burning coil in his stomach, hands coming up to hold her face while he contemplates giving in to the pangs of LUST clouding is better judgement. He wonders if this is a meant to be a test of his faith, if perhaps that is her purpose in this life, to test and to DECEIVE and err him to stray. Ha! It wouldn’t be so easy!

THE KISS IS NOT GENTLE. It is hungry in every way men afflicted by the burden of their sins hunger. “   Andromeda,   “ he speaks her name, allowing it to roll off his tongue as he SHUDDERS against her. A thumb brushes over her cheek – a deceptively tender display before he again claims her mouth in another equally DEMANDING overture, fingers lifting the hem of her shirt, calloused fingertips grazing lightly against supple flesh. He’s not a libidinous man in any sense of the word, but to hold her like this, to taste her, only for her to return his efforts in earnest, putting him on the dangerous path of “   what if   “ that lead a man to covet his neighbors wife for the same reasons he coveted this heretic: she had made herself UNOBTAINABLE.

let’s talk about hannah babey     /     @miseryfled

 i.  fears      before coming to hope county,  hannah’s biggest fear was drowning since she never learned how to swim.  her parents did not think that it was important enough to teach her and they were not the type to go on beach vacations,  since they preferred historic monuments and museums.  this fear developed fully when she was thirteen and wanted to go swimming in a lake one scorching hot summer day.  it was as her toes no longer squished in the mud and her head went under the water for a frightening minute as her feet scrambled to find something solid to push against,  her hands were uselessly flailing around her.   thankfully,  she was able to save herself by pushing against a rock that cut up her foot.  as she sat on the shore,  she vowed to never try that again.  which,  was a rather easy task to accomplish until she arrived to montana and baptisms were taking place.  she knew it wouldn’t be long before she was expected to step out into the water. 

  a second fear formed not too long after their arrival,  getting lost.  this one formed one night while she was trying to return to the compound.  she took one wrong turn and then another,  and then another,  and another.  nothing looked familiar yet,  and she ended up rather far from home and without any sense of how to correct herself.  she searched through the truck she had borrowed for a map,  but that turned out not to be useful either since all she could see was rocks and trees for as far as she could see.  the small gas station behind her wasn’t even on the map,  and looked to be abandoned.  anxiety was her passenger as she crept down the road looking for road signs or something that could at least help her figure out where she was on the map,  but another half hour went by and she was still lost.  admitting defeat,  she pulled over to the side of the road,  knocked on a local’s door,  and asked to borrow their phone.  now anytime she gets lost,  she gets anxious thinking that she will end up wandering around in circles without anyone to find her. 

  a third fear came on the night that the hope county sheriff's department arrived with a warrant.  it was the first time she truly realized that she could lose joseph.  if they were successful and did take him in,  he could be found guilty.  he could be put away for years,  and john would have to work a miracle to get them out of this mess.  her body ached and itched as she stood by as there was nothing she could do to prevent them from taking him or placing him in the helicopter,  he went willingly with them.  she could not stop the project members from climbing on after him or  the rain of body parts that followed shortly after,  they went willingly.  she could not stop the helicopter from falling from the sky either.  joseph going to jail seemed like such a distant thought as she watched it fall.  death would be their ultimate separator.  it was in that moment on those church steps that she realized that her greatest fear was living in a world devoid of him.   

  ii.   managing stress & anxiety     in most situations,  hannah is well adept at setting her feelings aside when in a stressful and frightening situation.  she almost has a tunnel like vision during these moments and can complete whatever task is set before her.  it is after the high stress / anxiety moments that she fully processes the moment and her feelings.  usually she does it by crying in the shower or whenever someone shows her a moment of kindness following it.  the feelings linger then for a while,  usually following her for a couple of days if it is something highly stressing.   during these days she is essentially going through the five stages of grief  until she eventually comes to accept the event as it has happened and has come up with a solution or a way to prevent it from happening again. 

oc fact swap ( the best meme ever. )

status: ALWAYS FUCKIN ACCEPTING.↳ @miseryfled.

change. it leads the way to progress. fighting against it only leads to the inevitable. for so many years paul wanted change. a change from his way of life. to find a family instead of living in the group home. once he wasn’t allowed to live there anymore he suddenly hated the thought of his world changing. FEAR encompassed him. soon he fell into despair and found himself far too deep into a life he couldn’t dig his way out of. 

“    Hey, girl. I love it when you read your bible.   ”

let’s talk about hannah babey     /     @miseryfled 

  a thousand times you have walked through your own home,  and each time it had been exactly as you had expected it to be.  the same pictures you thoughtfully placed,  the same paint you picked out,  and the same furniture you arranged again and again.  you can guarantee that it will the same as always,  and if it was not,  you would know because you yourself changed it after careful planning or something terrible has happened.  you mind has mapped the home,  your body knows every corner and every table that it has met in the dark.  it is all familiar,   until you wake from the light sleep that you do not remember falling into.  the sun long since set,  the house still and silent.  it is all familiar,  until you walk down the same hall you have a million times before,   but instead of pushing open your bedroom door,  you push open a picket gate leading to an orchard. 

   before you is an endless row of orange trees,  their branches hanging lowly as the ripe fruit weights them down.  you reach out to pluck one from the branch and it fits perfectly in your palm.  a dream,  you tell yourself as you peel back the skin of the orange in long pieces.  you dare to take a bite because you feel that you are safely asleep on your couch,  and that is partially true.  you are there,  and you are here,  with her.   you do not know that yet,  though.  you are entirely unaware of how quickly this dream will become nightmarish as you let the wildflowers brush against your legs as you continue down the path and towards a second picket gate.   there are bird singing above your head,  and the world seems to be perfectly at peace.  this is a dream i do not want to wake from. 

   those words grow sour in your mouth as you walk through that second gate.  gone was the heavenly warmth and the familiar and beautiful things.  gone was the bird song and the flowers to brush against your legs.  now there was a cold sweat dripping down your spine,  now there was silence and gardenias that looked wrong.  something about their bone white color and dark leaves was off putting.  something about the way they seemed to breath was frightening.  you reach out to see if they were as real as the orange,  but before you could touch the petals,  someone tisked close by.  you nearly crawled right out of your own skin the sound,  your heart thudding as quickly as a hummingbird’s wings.  a soft hand rubs circles into your back and you try to calm down.  you turn to see who is touching you,  and you find a woman with tears in her eyes a mouth that was permanently stained as if it was bruised. 

   who are you?  you wanted to ask,  but you do not get to speak,  you feel as if you cannot.  the hand on your back continues to soothe you through this moment,  the other coming to press against your cheek to brush under your eye to collect the tears that were falling down your own cheeks.  you do not know when you began crying,  but sure enough the world begins to become watery before you.  “  you will not find peace in this world,  you will always ache for someone who has already left it.  this you know,  and still you will go out and search and search for anything to ease that ache.  nothing will be enough and you will only be filled with loathing and longing by the time the morning has come.  this troubling habit will lead you to an early grave…  on a thursday…  you will die on a thursday in the rain outside of a bar with neon red lights.  that is how your story will end. ”