#mindset shift

hey lovelies! ✧

i've been thinking about this a lot lately… how did we all collectively decide that being mean to ourselves was somehow the path to getting things done? like, who started this toxic rumor that self-discipline means internal screaming and punishment? because honestly? i spent years believing that the only way to accomplish anything was through this weird self-bullying technique and it was literally the least effective approach ever.

⋆.ೃ࿔:･ the wake-up call ･:࿔ೃ.⋆

last semester i hit a wall with my essay project. i had been doing that thing where you stare at your laptop, call yourself lazy in your head, promise to work for 8 straight hours to "make up for it," then get overwhelmed and watch netflix instead. but one night at like 2am (why do all realizations happen at 2am??) i wondered what would happen if i just… stopped being mean to myself about it?

what if self-discipline was actually about being the most understanding friend to yourself instead of the worst drill sergeant?

⋆.ೃ࿔:･ what actually works ･:࿔ೃ.⋆

start ridiculously small, i'm talking embarrassingly tiny steps. want to write that paper? commit to just opening the document and typing a single sentence. need to clean your space? just put away three things. the magic is that once you start, continuing feels so much easier.

create environments that make things easier, not harder. i rearranged my desk so everything i need is within reach and visible. stopped trying to work in my bed (even though it's so comfy) because my brain associates it with sleep and tiktok scrolling.

acknowledge the resistance instead of fighting it. when i feel that "i don't wanna" feeling, i literally say to myself "i hear you, and it makes sense you feel that way. what's one tiny piece we could do?" talking to myself like i'm my own bestie changed everything.

use curiosity instead of judgment. instead of "why am i so lazy?" (which never helps), try "i wonder what's making this hard for me right now?" sometimes the answer surprises you. maybe you're actually just hungry or need better lighting.

build in rest BEFORE you crash. i started scheduling actual breaks before i felt desperate for them, and somehow i get more done? it's like my brain knows it's not going to be held hostage forever.

⋆.ೃ࿔:･ the permission slip approach ･:࿔ೃ.⋆

my favorite technique lately has been what i call "permission slip productivity" where i literally write myself little notes giving permission to:

work imperfectly (first drafts can be messy!)

take breaks without guilt

change my approach if something isn't working

celebrate small progress instead of only the end result

acknowledge when something is genuinely difficult

there's something so powerful about physically writing yourself permission. it sounds silly but it works because it interrupts that mean inner voice that's been programmed into us.

⋆.ೃ࿔:･ the results speak for themselves ･:࿔ೃ.⋆

the wildest part? i actually get MORE done now that i've stopped the self-hate productivity method. turns out your brain works better when it's not being constantly criticized? who knew!

my essay (very big essay) got finished early. my room stays cleaner. i actually enjoy my study sessions now instead of dreading them. and most importantly, i don't feel that heavy cloud of shame following me around everywhere.

self-discipline isn't forcing yourself through misery, it's creating systems that work WITH your natural tendencies, not against them. it's about making things easier, not harder. it's about treating yourself like someone you actually care about.

and maybe the real glow-up isn't just checking things off your to-do list, but doing it without sacrificing your relationship with yourself in the process.

what about you? have you been trying to hate yourself into productivity? might be time for a gentler approach. you deserve that kindness from yourself. (and honestly? it just works better.)

xoxo, mindy 🤍

Reality is like a big lucid dream, and guess what?

You're the dreamer

You know how in dreams, you can shape your surroundings, change the outcome, or even fly just by deciding it? It's the same thing here in your waking life. The key is shifting your focus and attention to what you desire, and everything else will align.

The key here is YOU!

Think of it like this: In a lucid dream, when you realize you're dreaming, you stop reacting to the randomness and start creating intentionally. You can suddenly decide you're at the beach or in the middle of your desired city, all it takes is a shift in thought. Your awareness in the dream dictates what happens next.

Now apply that to reality

When you focus on what you want, whether it's love, success, or confidence, and make it your inner truth, your outer world will start to reflect it

Imagine a big projector.

Your mind doesn't know the difference between what’s real and imagined, it just follows your inner script.

So, if you believe you're thriving, loved, and successful, your reality will mirror that back to you. It's all about controlling your inner world.

"Stop trying to change the world since it is only the mirror. Man’s attempt to change the world by force is as fruitless as breaking a mirror in the hope of changing his face. Leave the mirror and change your face. Leave the world alone and change your conceptions of yourself. The reflection will then be satisfactory" - Neville Goddard": from Your Faith is Your Fortune

Imagine you want to manifest more confidence. Instead of waiting for a situation to give you confidence, start by feeling and acting as though you're already the most confident version of yourself. In a dream, if you suddenly decided you had superpowers, you'd just go with it, right? Do the same here, walk, talk, and make decisions like someone who knows their worth. Soon enough, you'll notice how people respond differently to you, how opportunities seem to align, and how your reality changes to fit this new confident self.

"Change your conception of yourself and you will automatically change the world in which you live. Do not try to change people; they are only messengers telling you who you are. Revalue yourself and they will confirm the change" - Neville Goddard, from Your Faith is Your Fortune

for some reason, the desire to become more ladylike is demonised in our society. it is apparently controversial to have the opinion that getting dressed to go outside and saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ should be common place. however, if you do want to be an elegant person and float around with grace and poise, here are some necessary mindset shifts that I have learnt over my life pursuing ‘ladylike’. 🎀

beauty & knowing your value

cherish yourself, ignore advertising. so much in this world wants to put you down and tell you that everything is “wrong” with you to sell you junk. as a lady, you must know that you are precious, you are beautiful and you have intrinsic value just being you. truly knowing your own worth will allow you to avoid these degrading messages and let your own radiance shine outwards.

treat yourself like a treasure. do you believe a human-shaped diamond belongs in the Louvre or in a dumpster? you are a precious gem so shift your mindset and treat yourself accordingly. feed yourself good food, look after your health and body, fill your mind with beauty and culture. you are a lady worthy of an art gallery and so you are worth looking after!

get dressed everyday. if you seek confidence, you should value your appearance, because it dictates how you feel about yourself and how you show up in your life. it sounds counter-intuitive, but this is a genuine secret that all ladylike women know. you need to put effort into yourself to feel confident and beautiful. dress up every day for a single week and it will change your life - that’s how fast you realise the secret to confidence is effort in appearance.

perfection in beauty doesn’t exist. in our society, we place the concept of perfection on a pedestal. women are highly sensitive to this. we insinuate that if you do not have the perfect face or perfect body then you are ugly and worthless so why bother. but what is perfect? Audrey and Marilyn are both memorialized for their femininity and beauty but they are such different women, so which one is the perfect one?? it’s a fallacy. we memorialize them because they embody themselves so truthfully that it is charming. perfection is a just matter of taste. you have permission to be beautiful and glamorous in your own way for your own tastes.

mannerisms & behaviour

good manners always. be peaceful in public, hold the door open, say please. it makes society more harmonious and since manners are apparently absent in the post-pandemic era, you instantly become memorable for being a considerate person. if you were never taught good manners, then it’s not your fault! but there is no time better to learn than now. i can write a gentle guide to manners if you wish.

treat every single person you meet with kindness and respect. every server, every cashier and every driver deserves the utmost respect and your best behaviour regardless of your mood. the generosity and kindness of Princess Diana to everyone she met is why she was such a beloved royal.

if people offend you, then leave them alone. when people are rude to you or intentionally hurt you with their behaviours or words, then practice self respect and don’t bother with them again. don’t argue, don’t fight. it’s literally not worth the energy to struggle against people who do not care about you. your life is too short and precious to waste time allowing your heart to be broken again and again by them same people.

i could probably write a book on everything I have learnt about becoming a lady. there is honestly so much to say on the topic, but very little of it is ever discussed anymore. hopefully this very little is still helpful to anyone out there wishing to be her own lady. 🎀