#mind running

My brain at 10 pm the one night I try to go to sleep at a reasonable time: hey you remember that thing last year that left you unable to sleep for weeks and paranoid for months?? Haha cry over that now. Oh you’re done? NO YOU’RE NOT remember this one horrible thing you did in 8th grade she still thinks you’re disgusting probably. BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE remember this other horrible thing that happened over 3 years ago but still comes back to make you paranoid and scared? Well here it is. Everyone hates you. I wonder how old Marilyn Monroe would be today. You should escape the country. That girl earlier today was cute. But you’re probably gonna die in a car crash and you’ll have no control over that. An

When you're trying to masterbate, but the stresses from work keep popping up in your head....what the fuck!?!

I need to see a neurologist soon, need to request an MRI on my back and legs. Need to see a orthopedic for my knees. I don't know what's going on with my body. I just know I'm always in pain and its draining me. I just hate that neurofibromatosis can literally cause anything other kind of disease/disorder. I have a strong feeling that I either have a tumor on my spine or nerves or I have MS. If it's a Tumor at least it'll be non cancerous. I have done my research and the doctor was reading her notes and slightly mentioned MS but said I have to go to a neurologist and talk to him. No matter what tho I'll always have something wrong that's what my disease does. I try to stay positive and remind myself others have it worse. It's hard to always to that tho because I'm terrified. I'm terrified because I feel like it's going to be never ending. Never ending because there is no cure for what I have and only some treatment. I'm always going to be prone to more diseases. My mind has been running for days now because all I can think about is the fact that I have no idea what's going on and it's just doctor after Doctor. I've been thinking about my future as well and as bad as I want a kid of my own one day I can't do that to a kid. Knowing if I bring a child into this world they can have what i have but they can have the cancer form of it. I can't do that. That's not fair and it breaks my heart because I've always wanted kids of my own. I'm going to adopt and that's perfect.