Apr 3
i relive all i did in my mind every minute
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i relive all i did in my mind every minute
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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TODAY'S MIND LOOP -
Thoughts on repeat (rarely yours - just shit we learnt) When repeated enough become beliefs because they're repeated to certainty.
Placebo's work through Beliefs.
What you believe - you will find evidence for - which supports your beliefs and keeps you thinking the same thoughts - loops.
Change (interrupt) your old patterns of thinking - seek deeper truths - shift your old beliefs into more empowering ones and...
Presto- new beliefs = new evidence & old cycles broken.
Who believes they can break cycles, remove old loops & build not just a better life but a better planet?
If you do - then you're person I wanna hang out with.
I have gone in to see my counselor twice now, and I am not going to share a whole lot right now because there is still processing to be had, but one thing I realized within my first two sessions was that I go through what I have found to be called “Mind Loops”. Where I get stuck in these anxiety loops of having this need to get something done for some reason. For example, when I have left something unfinished at work or been working on an idea I will ponder and worry about it and research it to the fullest and even beyond that extent. It will sometimes even keep me awake at night if I haven’t come up with an answer. Like when I was trying to decide how to organize the books in my classroom library. They are like little obsessions that must be competed to complete the loop. I have become more aware of these and been able to break myself out of these loops before they start. I have been trying to be more mindful and work on meditation.
Since my wedding I haven’t had as much stress and so that has definitely put a damper on things with the stress and anxiety level. But I now acknowledge I stress about my car and whether or not is it locked. This one is hard, because up until I was in a car crash and that was a long process and then watching someone try to break into my car, I get very anxious leaving my car places unknown. I always have to hear my car beep to make sure it is locked. Sometimes I lock it multiple times too. I still have been picking some but not to extent that I was picking before. It could be the less stress, counseling or the medicine dosage I am on. But things are looking up.
I just need to write this down. And send it to anyone who’s trying to help me.
Imagine you have a song stuck in your head. Cool. That happens to everyone.
But, imagine it’s literally taking up all of your thoughts. Sometimes it’s just a part of the song, and it plays over and over in your head. 50% of the time it’s normal, 50% of the time it’s distorted. The song slows down so you can overanalyze it 15 times. The song plays so many times it starts to speed up and you get frustrated that you can’t keep up so you can’t focus on it. You don’t want to focus on it, but it’s forcing you to.
It’s playing over and over and - shit. Fuck. You forgot a part. You start to feel anxious and panicky and a little sick to your stomach. You have to get away from everything and shut off the world for a minute so you can remember it. Sometimes you can’t remember it, and you feel sick until you can look up the words. You look up the words about 20 times a day, so you can keep the song fresh in your mind so you don’t have to worry about forgetting parts and feeling sick. You don’t want to look up the words, and it makes you feel ashamed and like you’re not trying hard enough to fight this. You are, but it’s just hard to overcome these things sometimes. But you are fighting so hard.
Some days are better than others. Most days you give yourself a constant headache and constant forehead/eye pain, and you have trouble physically focusing on things. Your eyes and head are exhausted from this stupid song. Some days, though, the song is weighing so heavily on your mind that you are shaky, have no appetite and are a little bit sick.
That’s mind looping.
Now, imagine you’re going about your day. You’re at your job, just doing the things you normally do, and you see an old lady. Your brain automatically thinks, “She is very old. I wonder if she’ll get in a car accident on the way home and die a horrific death. She’ll probably hit head on and completely obliterate herself.” (This is fairly tame, but I wanted to keep this politically correct.) You stop yourself. What the fuck? Why did I think that? I don’t actually think that. Am I a horrible person? Am I a psychopath?
You lose sleep because you’re worried you’re all these awful things. You stop considering yourself a good person. You try to keep everyone you love happy and safe in order to combat these things that keep invading your head. You don’t want to have these terrible thoughts.
It’s a bad explanation, but those are intrusive thoughts. They don’t signify that anyone is dangerous at all, they’re just unwanted thoughts that invade someone’s mind. They could be violent, sexual, them doing something to someone, someone doing something to them, them witnessing something, etc.
I have mind loops and intrusive thoughts. They are horrible and make me feel stuck, and like a bad person. I don’t want to be either. I have little to no control over them at the moment, and I have periods of time where they come and go. But that’s my life as it is right now, and has been since I was a kid. I can only hope it’ll get better.
This week has been a nightmare, mentally/emotionally, but self-esteem wise? Amazing. Suzy Berhow has a high forehead and she’s boss, and Ashly Burch is battling the same mental condition I have and she is also boss. I can do anything. I look great.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
People tell you the world looks a certain way. Parents tell you how to think. Schools tell you how to think. TV. Religion. And then at a certain point, if you're lucky, you realize you can make up your own mind. Nobody sets the rules but you. You can design your own life.
Carrie-Anne Moss
Summary:
Each one of us deserves all that life has to offer: great health, wealth, love, creativity, work we deeply enjoy... But while we're CONSCIOUSLY working our asses off (or praying or manifesting or hoping) to get them, all too often we're UNCONSCIOUSLY blocking those very things we want from coming to us. It's incredibly disheartening and frustrating. In the final video of this 3-part series: “The 3 Biggest Mistakes Smart People Do That Drain Their Energy, Put Wrinkles On Their Face, and Sidetrack Them From Realizing Their Greatest Potential,” you'll find out a BIG reason why you may not be receiving the things you want so much... And what to do about it. Here’s to you receiving the best that life can bring! Barbara
Summary:
Have you ever stopped to consider how the 5 people you spend the most time with might be affecting your life... and your potential?
In the 2nd video of this 3-part series: “The 3 Biggest Mistakes Smart People Do That Drain Their Energy, Put Wrinkles On Their Face, and Sidetrack Them From Realizing Their Greatest Potential"... you’ll discover that the people around you have a MUCH more potent impact on your life and choices than you ever would have imagined.
Their presence, comments, and habits can affect:
• Your financial goals
• How healthy and loving and passionate your relationships are
• Your health, energy and even whether you can drop extra pounds
• Whether you stay or leave a job or career you don’t like
• Your overall joy in life.
I hope it inspires some insights...
Here’s to surrounding yourself with awesome people!
Barbara