Shhh..

Remission of Skin Picking

One things I realized this week is that something I have thought about getting since high school; I wouldn’t ever be able to ever get because of my skin picking issues. One of my friends told me that a tattoo is a scab and because of that and even though I haven’t been picking as much as I used to, it is still something that could happen. Or it could be really bad if I were to get a tattoo and then I started picking. I have so many scars from my years of picking and there are reminders of where I have come from, my past and how much work I have put in to get this far.

New year and working on my anxiety, skin picking, etc. I have started taking CBD oil and that has been helping for my anxiety and sleeping. I have noticed that I have been picking a lot less but the CBD oil doesn’t help with my essential tremors or my skin picking.

So during my trip to Ecuador, I was eaten alive by sand fleas on the beach in Canoa. I also happened to break out in hives with an allergic reaction to the sand flea bites and since Ecuador doesn’t carry Benadryl or hydrocortisone I had to be seen by a doctor. It was so hard not to scratch and pick at some of the bites because they itched so badly. I had about 40+ bites on one leg and a 10 on another.

Time has passed and the things that used to bother me don’t have as big of an effect on her anymore. I have been working with a counselor who has been really helpful to work through my picking and actually working on ways to stop the picking but also to think about the times I pick. I had one counselor before that just wasn’t very helpful and then I stopped seeing him and I wanted to find someone who had more knowledge in skin picking issues similar to this. That was something that was really important to me.

Wow it has definitely been a while and really I haven’t wanted to write on here because I haven’t been doing that great with the whole don’t pick at your skin. I have gone crazy picking at my skin. I used to think that it was stress induced but really it is the need or really the obsessive behavior that makes me want to pick at my skin. I pick because of this constant need for my skin to feel smooth and perfect under my fingers and yet it is a never ending cycle that I am stuck in. It drives me instane. I feel like I should be able to just rub ointment on the wounds, scabs and be fine. Some days I don’t pick at all and I think of those days as wins. Even the days where I only pick one of two because I know that is better tan picking more.

I was supposed to see the counselor a couple of weeks ago, but I didn’t think I was ready yet because I still working on things to keep my hands busy. At home I have been working on Perler beads any chance I have. I have been trying to keep my nails short as well. In the car I have been trying to do other things like have putty or something.

So last post I said I was a bit of a control freak, although I don’t like to use that word. I have and I see a lot of type A personality in things that I do. Like for example most teachers would be fine with children playing in a shelf with toys especially if the child playing is upset, me on the other hand, because this is a big pet peeve of mine; I asked if he could use other things instead. Luckily I have a old relationship with this child because he listened.

Picking again

What if you found out you were a control freak...?

I had been doing really well and really I meant to write sooner but I just didn’t get a chance because everything has been crazy. I have been less stressed which equals less picking but then I have hormones that kick in once a month that make my skin break out with acne and in turn I pick at the acne and pop the pimples and I start to heal and it can sometimes be a never ending cycle. The last session I had with my counselor was that I shouldn’t be in such a rush, but to take things at a slower pace. For example I am supposed to be visiting my mom for Christmas and to not rush to drive there but to drive and take my time to get there. I believe that this is really a valid point because we get in these rushes where we are running late and then we get anxious that we are going to be late.

So I go back to see my counselor mid November and I can say I have been doing a lot better, although my stress and anxiety level are a lot lower than it was a few months ago. I have scares of course that will take time to go away but between the areas where I was picking on my arms and back, they look a lot better.

I have gone in to see my counselor twice now, and I am not going to share a whole lot right now because there is still processing to be had, but one thing I realized within my first two sessions was that I go through what I have found to be called “Mind Loops”. Where I get stuck in these anxiety loops of having this need to get something done for some reason. For example, when I have left something unfinished at work or been working on an idea I will ponder and worry about it and research it to the fullest and even beyond that extent. It will sometimes even keep me awake at night if I haven’t come up with an answer. Like when I was trying to decide how to organize the books in my classroom library. They are like little obsessions that must be competed to complete the loop. I have become more aware of these and been able to break myself out of these loops before they start. I have been trying to be more mindful and work on meditation.

No one ever said things would be easy when looking for a counselor or a LCSW. It is especially hard when finding someone in network that insurance will pay for, who isn’t too far away from home or work and who you can call when you are on break while at work or who is available to talk after 5pm. There are so many people out there with their different specialties and you want to make sure that you vibe with them and find the right now who can help you with what you are going through. It is a job in its own. I have my own requirements because I have been through past counseling and know kind of what I am looking for. My one main requirement is that they have to be a female. I don’t know what it stems from. Maybe its because when my parents were going through divorce and my mom was seeing a male counselor and she wanted me to see the same counselor and I just really couldn’t open up about things to him. I do remember the tea he served and that when he sat down his pants came up high and I wondered if he was ready for some flood. Of course I was in high school and I was going through a difficult time in my life.