Holding Joy While Battling the Storm Within
Hearing her share her good news fills me with a quiet, genuine happiness. I’m proud not just of her promotion but of the small role I played in guiding her there. Watching her face glow, her eyes lighting up with excitement, her voice carrying that mix of relief and pride... it’s a moment I wish I could pause and live in a little longer. It reminds me that I’ve done something right, that I can still be a source of strength for someone else.
But beneath that joy, something unsettled stirs within me.
While I smile and celebrate her, my body begins telling a different story. My chest tightens, the air feels heavier, almost like it’s refusing to move. There’s a rush inside me like my blood is racing in all directions at once. Small twitches, restless energy, an uncomfortable awareness of every heartbeat. I know this feeling too well. It creeps in quietly then suddenly takes over.
Maybe this is part of my mid life crisis... this constant questioning, this internal tug-of-war between who I am and who I’m becoming.
Anxiety doesn’t care if it’s a happy moment. It doesn’t wait for permission. It tries to interrupt, to poison the moment, to pull me away from what matters. And I find myself fighting holding onto joy with one hand while pushing back the darkness with the other.
I hate the negative thoughts, the ones that don’t belong but still feel so loud. Yet even in this, I remind myself I was present. I listened. I supported. I made a difference in someone’s life today.
Maybe healing isn’t about silencing the storm completely but learning how to stand, even while it rages.