#middle support needs

random people : yes comments like these are so annoying !! people tell me "but you’re always tired/in pain" or "it’s not that bad" !! it impacts me a lot it’s awful

My neeeds are always changing and i constantly feel like I'm not autistic enough because i don't experience certain things that others do. That just because the situation I'm in right now accomodates for me to have my alone time and take care of myself it feels like I'm not even middle support needs because i don't feel like I'm struggling 24/7

But that's not TRUE. the situation I'm in, my family takes care of most of the basics in the house. If i was put in an apartment on my own? I would not at all be able to live. My work is babysitting a couple of kids for only a small amount of time every week day where my mom isn't too far away and that's IT. I tried working a regular customer service job and i barely had to do anything and i still quit within the first 3 days because i couldn't do it. I literally couldn't freaking stand in a store making sure the shelves of a tiny area are neat for a small amount of time without having a meltdown in the bathroom.

I can't leave the house alone. I struggle with communication ALOT even though I can physically talk. my motor skills and spatial awareness suck ass. my brain is so so slow for most things and struggles to retain information or remember basic things. The only reason I passed highschool was because i was online schooled and i CHEATED. everyday tasks and keeping schedules feel impossible sometimes

And i have all these struggles etc. but i feel like i constantly have to justify my problems to myself. It feels like my brain is always downscaling what i experience because there are others who have it worse. But that's NOT HOW IT WORKS. Others who are higher support needs then me existing doesn't mean i have no problems!!!!

I'm so afraid that I'm gonna get told "youre not middle support needs." Because im polite during conversations (even though half the time i space out or say weird things or struggle to even put a sentence together) or because i wasn't diagnosed as a kid (despite missing the context that i WAS visibly autistic as a kid. My doctors just thought it was anxiety. Also afabs are less likely to get diagnosed anyway) or because "i don't look autistic" (what does that even mean??)

I'm just. Now that I've accepted i need this amount of support. I'm reaching a point where everytime someone shares there experience I'm just like "Im not as disabled as them so that means I'm not middle support needs" but it's a spectrum!!!! And everyone experiences different parts of it differently and i DONT KNOW why my brain can't accept that!! hHH

:[ bleh i wish my brain wasn't so mean sometimes ngl

can't clean themselves correctly (+ too scared to ask for help)

can't wipe correctly (+ too scared to ask for help)

have a hard time dressing yourself  (+ too scared to ask for help)

have to be reminded to bathe

have to be reminded to wash your hair

have to be reminded to eat

have to be reminded to brush your teeth

have accidents

wet the bed

fluctuating support needs, low, mid and high support needs autistic might need help with hygiene.

and this is okay. it's okay to need help. we need help, but can't get the full support now, but we are trying.

ask for help if you need it.

As a child, I was the R word to the rest if the world, but in the top class at my SE school. I couldn’t tell left from tight or do even basic math in my head. But could devour books like no tomorrow and speak. But would cry at things easily and struggle to interact with people.

Bullied for being a "Spaz" but also bullied for being too smart and geeky.

Now as an adult I'm simultaneously too disabled to function notmally and yoo "normaI" for any real support. Ican't work,can just barely take care of myself. But have control over my life and able to make my own choices.

I am both privlaged to be able madk sometimes,but marginalised and ignored because my autism *is* disabling!

I can't find any help that is actually about my needs and not either parents infanstiling or other autistic peoplr downplaying how much it can effect.