#mental issue

2020. Such a year. Taught me so much in my opinion. Love, respect, trust, friendship. Most importantly my mental health wasn’t the best throughout the year. With having constant fights and problems with people around me, COVID-19 took a toll on everyone and their mental well-being.

I am honestly proud of myself and everyone who has gone through such a challenging and difficult year. We’ve all made it this far and we should give a pat on our back and tell ourselves “well done”. Everyone did an amazing job!

I wish nothing but the best for 2021. I hope our mental health would recover and we’ll come back stronger than ever.

When someone said that they want to talk to me over something, I will asked whether it is gonna me me sad or angry. If it is, I asked them to keep it to themselves. It is my way to protect myself from being hurt.

I feel bad/sad/painful/uncomfortable - I cannot describes that feeling - everytime I see people leaving. For instance, when I was in high school, I live in a hostel and watching my friend leave one after another while waiting for my bus makes me feel sad. Also when watching someone close the door after I walk out. Weird right?

I don’t like confrontation and I particularly can’t take it when someone scold me or other people around me. Even when people slightly increase their voice, my heart feel hurt. I wish to be a cop or join an army, but I just reject that idea because I cannot stand being scold at.

I train myself to keep an arm away from people. Human heart is fickle and always changing. I hate that and I hate it even more that I can easily see changes in their interactions with me. It breaks my heart everytime I realise I no longer important to those that important to me. It is better to be alone that being heartbroken like this.

Have you ever heard about the mid life crisis? To whom has already passed 20s and upper, you would probably familiar with this issues. 20s is the transition phase from a young adult to an adult. Also, at this phase one has enough power to decide about what matters in his life as the people always say, with great power comes great responsibility. Enduring such greater responsibility somehow makes us distressed and starts sinking into depression. So helpless. Despite the depression and any kind of mental health issues are quite difficult to talk, but it’s many times more difficult to admit suffering it. Because it’s always hard to say you are not okay and reveal your weakness, though it’s very normal to feel not okay or to have some weaknesses.

To whom can relate this kind of mental issues, it’s better to savor time with the one you loved or find a way to give others, whether they are needy stranger or your own kin. Needless to say, we, specifically me, like to romanticize the situation as if the whole universe rotates inside me whereas the universe belongs to others too. What I try to talk here is, all of that matters have proved that we are still stuck at the phase of adolescense – a young adult who focus on theirselves, rather than others. But, by lending a hand we will put others beside us, so at least it reminds us again the feeling of being so helpful and slowly leave the adolescense toward the adult phase. As people always said that the best way to receive good things starts with giving.

At the end, I know very well how difficult to live at this time. There are problems somewhere up. But, until when we only busy in our own world, and forget the world itself is beyond ourself? Within bigger world lies bigger problems to overcome. Then, it needs to get ourself fixed, before we come to lend a hand. But, don’t take it too long because the world needs many more of you.

“So when you have finished (your duties), then stand up..” [Q.S Al Insyirah: 7]