Kata Kita

Ruka is a reputable vet from the branch of biology. It was not literally a surprise that they could meet as the conference they were joining had a broad branch of knowledge from science to the applied science and technology. As one of the goals of the conference was to link everyone from the upstream to the downstream industry to collaborate and to create future collaboration, still it was surprising that they could be engaged following the goals.

“Hey, Hotaru! It is you,” said him, while waving hand. 

Still, it was a coincidence that they could meet at that time. Even though they had known since ages, but they were never truly hanging around with only two. During the school they happened to meet with the rest of the gangs, and after their best friend married, Mikan and Natsume, they would meet several times with four. Not ever likely to be only two. Thinking back, this was certainly their first time.

“Tell me, what your research about,” asked him when he knew Hotaru headed to Macau to present her research topic.

And so, she told him airily the progression about her research she would present. She had developed the matters in atomic scale and thus had come with the result of the durability test. She wanted to present the result of the testing. Their conversation kept continuing in Macau. When arriving in Macau, Ruka would invite her to be sightseeing the city as it was their first time in Macau. They even visited the local restaurant which served fresh seafood.

“Why do you want to be an inventor, Hotaru?” He asked her randomly since she would be only mute until she would be asked.

“Reason number one is I know what I am very good at. And reason number two, with the ability I have, I want to contribute to a greater good for humankind. That may sound naïve and cliche, but that is what every inventor wants to do with their invention.”

“And how about you? Why do you want to be a vet?”

“The answer would be probably because years ago you ever suggested me.” As he was saying it airily, she coughed to hear an unexpected answer.

Whether it was only Ruka trying to flirt her or only saying genuine answer.

But he told her the story during the schools when Narumi Sensei had assigned them to be partnered to submit paper. It was Hotaru who had suggested him once he was confused to decide. One of some good old days.

At the last night, there was gala dinner to gather every participant from every branch. It was very usual that at that time they would approach each other, and thus Hotaru was approached by one participant to ask for future collaboration. He was a neat guy from train company in China mainland.

“Your work would embark on every possibility, Ms. Imai. When developing fast train, we are always faced several challenges with the pressure controlling. The use of nano material would increase the speed we want to achieve. Can we have your phone number to discuss more?”

“Hotaru! Come on, I have some friends to introduce to you.” Ruka suddenly grabbed her hands, and so she should allow herself out.

“You must check and track everyone and company you want to work with. Their company have labor issues to keep the efficiency. They have capitalized the wages, the labor, and the source, as to earn high profit, which is far from your value, right?”

She was rather conservative but well-known by her relatives as a woman with value. That was why Hotaru chose to be a researcher so she would only busy on doing what her heart considered was right. But, when on earth at this decaying world there was someone who likely to remind you to come to your root when everything was about money and fame. At certain degree, Hotaru felt knowing him more in these days. She found him alike with Mikan in several sides, moreover his friendliness and his bubbly personality.  Until then, she found him interesting. However, considering the law of work, it was happening because there was no issue related to distance that made it very easy for her to fall into. Moreover, at the unfamiliar place far from homeland, they only knew each other.

After they drifted apart, she would not fall for him considering the law of work. But he was very attentively taking initiate, asking her to work and to collaborate with at the last day before their departure. “If possible, I think we could work on developing the application of nano technology on the branch of medication, Hotaru. It would embark on greater good. I would talk to my friend from bio medics about the possibility.”

And then, distance would not be an issue between them. Ruka regularly sent her email about the progression of the research, and he would invite her into discussion. On one chance, she ever invited him to her laboratory to show him about the progression of the nano technology. She demonstrated the crash testing to the material she had been developed with the team. It was amusement when it was forced to certain force, it kept bouncing back to its original form.

Sometimes, Ruka texted her only to ask her news, and Hotaru would reply casually to him. They had been getting close, but they were friend for ages so what to expect. Hotaru didn’t ever realize how her life could have been crossed to this nice vet guy and since when, she had begun to expect his call.

By far, on those days they had planned to discuss, Ruka suddenly startled her with a box of ring. They didn’t argue back then, only Hotaru said. “We are never really in distance, so we haven’t been tested of it. In the law of work, the further the distance the more work needed. I am uncertain how we could handle it if we were in distance.” Very cautious she was as preventing their distance to be any closer.

“We were ever in distance, Hotaru. So far away that I keep tracking on you to be way closer.”

He told her that when Mikan had invited them to their new house, it was when he knew Hotaru more. About her persistent, discipline, and dream. When he heard that Hotaru wanted to go to Macau, he suddenly changed to submit his paper to Macau from before it was planned to Bolivia. Even though he had been struggling to meet the requirement with several revises, but he was able to eventually follow her to Macau, without bothering her to know what the story behind.

During in Macau, he knew her best and they had shared stories to each other. And so that he asked her to collaborate. It was not only he wanted to be closer to her, but he was really into working with her in professional manner. As he had acknowledged how Hotaru Imai was a person everyone wanted to work with.

“So, it was all planned?”

“It is up to you to define, but I did my best, Hotaru, to prove that I am serious and if there is any distance, I will cut it off to be close with you repeatedly. You don’t need to worry.”

“Ruka, honestly, I never consider us to be this state. We are cool because we are friends until now. Seems what had happened in Macau confused us since we only remained two. Before that, we are never truly hanging around with only two. What have made you sure?”

“Macau was not the first time we were only two, Hotaru. I have told you; the first time was when Narumi Sensei had assigned us to be partnered to submit paper, if it was counted. Since then, I have known you differently.”

Persistent and straight. It was Hotaru in his eyes. Only set her eyes to a greater good, and once she does, she would not change easily. Since that day, she knew that Hotaru never changes. She always persistent and straight and that was the hardest part which touched him. He wanted to be the one to help her achieve her big dreams. He liked her even more when talking about the invention as he would see sparks on her eyes.

And that also the reason which made him sure about her. But at top of it, Ruka had known very deeply Hotaru also someone who could support him as well. Back time in school, he was feeling small besides her. While Hotaru had been ready for departure to be an inventor, he still stayed in the ground. He looked confused what to write on his paper. His pen could not move to write any words as his brain difficult to decipher any ideas. “Be easy, Ruka, this is only an assignment. If you don’t have any idea, I think you are good being a doctor. You are very good at looking after your friend, Natsume.”

The memories stopped playing back until he said, “moreover Hotaru, you are the reason I have come to be a vet, a slightly different, but still a caretaker as you ever suggested.”

After a ‘yes’ from her at that day, they have embarked on the new phase to maintain the work. Over million possibilities on earth and despite of the saying the chance is greater to have partner from the same academy, Hotaru knows that she couldn’t ever win someone like him.

In his writings, Nouman Ali Khan told the fruition from QS Al Ashr, “…watawa sawbi al haq…” People who tell the righteous thing to each other. As for me, I like to quote this ayah to strengthen my will when telling people about the things I think I am right. But the more I learn, the more I know that this ayah has conveyed beautiful messages beyond what I have learnt back then. What I am never knowledgeable and noticeable about it that for throwing words of assuming advice for other must need several preconditions. The revelation of the meaning of this ayah has brought glimpse of understanding for me who is looking for a more pleasant way to deliver criticism. It is like an epiphany to the darkest, and a key to a door connecting to the outside world.

You must love the one you want to give wasiyah

We are nowadays living in the judgements society and culture. Like and comments from several post in social media, even random post from strangers. Write a review and give rates for food from decent restaurant, film from cinema, and hotel to stay. It seems that we are not only throwing comment for people we have known, but also to people who are at far and have not been crossed path with.

The word ‘watawa’ has been rooted with the word ‘wasiyah’ or testament. You cannot give testament to whoever. The testament should be delivered to the one you love instead. Often, we see that it has been given to the family. It is like delivering message for your beloved one for their goodness and avoiding wrongdoings after your leave. And with so, you say it with much more care, thought, and gentler. Imagining how the last words from your beloved one would be remembered for eternity. This must require utmost love at the first place.

Unfortunately, we are far from this gentle act and good intentions. Somehow, we are not truly having good intentions to remind. With the justification telling the truth, we unintentionally become rude. Sometimes, we are hard telling the truth to significant ones but very easy to strangers.

It is applicable for two side

This ayah also tell that it has required the equal relation to give and take advice. The one who give wasiyah to certain people should be ready to have wasiyah from the same people. Even though you are a leader guiding your people with your power and words, but you are not exempt from hearing your people. You are not immune from getting faults. There was a good example from Umar bin Khatab during his period of leadership. During his speech, he saw a man drinking inside his house who seemed drunk. Didn’t wait for long, he then came to him to remind. Surprisingly, the man said that Umar had crossed three things: seeing him suspiciously, entering his private house, and assuming him drinking alcohol. Realizing his faults and with the act of acceptance, Umar left the man right away. He had a wide heart to accept.

It must be applicable all the time

Moreover, reminding people with good deeds should be done continuously over the time. It has not suddenly stopped after the moment you said. It has brought me back couple times ago when reminding my sister about certain thing. I said to her that, my duty had done the moment I had reminded her and thus the consequence would belong to her. But then I have known that I was wrong back then. I should not be hopeless and given up easily yet patiently told her in more loving way.

After all, our religion has taught us mannerism in delivering criticism. I have a slightly hope that if all of us could apply these things collectively, only telling the truth to our closest ones with care and love than to strangers, ready for giving feedback and receiving it back and forth, and doing these act continuously throughout the time, can we see not only better individuality but better community in the future. Hope that we will always be under the Guidance of God that leads us to a brighten days ahead.

She is now working on the blueprint of her upcoming research for the application of nano technology in vehicle industry to be later discussed with her team. Expanding the surface of an object per unit area to reduce pressure on the surface of vehicle by distributing the force to the wide surface is the background idea of using the nano technology. By manipulating matters on an atomic level, it can reduce the pressure and prevent the vehicle from crashing. Nanotechnology has offered numerous promising applications in vehicle industry and thus enhanced human quality.

Her upcoming schedule would be undoubtedly tight and crazy, in which she and her team would develop the suitable materials in an atomic level for vehicles and to test the durability. Not to count some papers they should submit on reputable journals and the conference they should attend overseas. She is uncertain how long it would take until they would come to the finish line, but she would try to breakdown the activity efficiently and thus they could achieve the utmost importance goal to have the technology implemented.

The bell ringing suddenly distracts her concentration. It is 9 p.m. at night, and only one person could be brave enough to invade her personal space at this late hour.

“What you are up to, Hotaru? Look! I bring you some food because I thought you have not had dinner yet.”

It is Mikan, her best friend, who would bother to come at this hour while bringing her food. Mikan heads to the kitchen to put the soup on the bowl and then places several things like fruits, vegetables, bread, milks, and juice on the refrigerator which almost lacks its content. It is her friend’s habit that sometimes she would drop by checking on her in her apartment and providing her with several supplies and daily bases. Moreover, at the time she prepared a new project that she would work alone diligently at her apartment for hours.

“I stopped by for grocery shopping before coming. I thought you would need these.”

Hotaru heads to the dining room to join her friend. Rather than feeling distracted with Mikan’s sudden presence, she feels like she needs this kind of distraction to mend her body and soul. Even every machine would need a halt after working hard.

“Thank you, Mikan. You are right, I have not had anything to eat since this afternoon. Drowning to the new project, as usual.” While enjoying her food, she then tells her about the use of nanotechnology in vehicles she would be focus on. She also tells her the application of it would reduce pressure of vehicle. Her work would embark on one of the fundamental concepts about pressure, the force applied over a certain area, which has numerous practical applications in daily life.

“It sounds cool, Hotaru, as though you are reminding me again with physics. Your work has always astonished me. A greater good for humankind. I can’t wait how the nanotechnology would be ready and found on the upscaling industry.”

She smiles while hearing her respond. It is Mikan, who likes to hear about her work that may bore for some people. But it is also the topic she has brought passionately as it holds her pride as a researcher. “Then, what you are up to, Mikan? I am certain you have something to tell right away, moreover at this late hour.”

She could see a pinkish blush soon appearing on her best friend’s cheeks. Mikan told her gleefully that she met Natsume today, had her best tiramisu cake ever, and up to best part how Natsume proposed her with crimson diamond loop engraved with their initial name. She bluntly told her everything, even the quarrel she had with Natsume before knowing she would be proposed. Even though she had said yes of his asking for a lifetime, but she wanted to hear her best friend opinion on whether they could get along. Moreover, she and Natsume have very distinct personalities which could potentially cause friction.

Realizing that she should be happy for her friend, Hotaru doesn’t know why she rather feels irked and betrayed. It suddenly irks her to think of the change that might likely happen to their friendship after that. She has known Mikan and Natsume are each other’s home, but their friendship has stayed longer. Their companionship has been built for years before her best friend has a relationship with someone else.

She tries to hide her hesitation on her voice since she is not at the position to challenge their friendship. “If it is you, you two will be fine. You know how Natsume and I have several similarities; we are expressionless, cold, and closed. Most of time, out of reach. But with you are around, we could stay grounded, have plenty expression, be open, and soft. And despite we may have different opinion, but thorough the years we are still tied in this friendship, Mikan. We are the living proof you ever need and so you two will be fine. There is nothing you have to worry about.”

Hotaru does not find herself worry to let her best friend to Natsume. As she knows one thing for sure that she and Natsume have something in common that they don’t love easily. But once they do, they would love harder. Hotaru does love her friend, not in a romantic way but in such platonic love involving a strong bond, sense of belonging, and shared understanding and comfort. Her platonic friendship with Mikan is very valuable that it has developed meaningful connection between. Same with Natsume who is hardly approachable, so is she, still she lets Mikan to cross the boundaries as she is someone she has treasured that much. So that she wonders how if the days ahead she would barely see her and sorely miss her company.

She should not suppose to feel betrayed but those thoughts has weighted her. However, it is not a moment to consider her feelings are matters. When Mikan asked her, it is just her way to be convinced about her life choice. Like any other moment before when she asked about career path or apartment to rent. As much as she has been trusted, Hotaru eventually realizes how much she has been included in her life and never left behind. So now, it is her turn again to play the ace card.

“It is the same as the nanotechnology I want to apply in vehicle. It would not cause much pressure despite of the force breaking through since you have such a wide heart to accept and take things lightly. You have every quality like the nanotechnology everyone’s need, Mikan. Light yet strong material having bouncy back ability and offering to many unprecedented opportunities. Moreover, to Natsume’s life that has been drawn significantly since you’re coming.”

Hearing her eloquent analogy and scientific explanation makes her strengthen her choice from before it was covered with doubt. She does always love Natsume and wants a clarity of their bonds, but it is just suddenly confusing her with all the happiness and worry which comes along. Perhaps she only needs words of assurances from her truthful one to soothe her worry. As Hotaru words always hold a whole power within that could ensure her, that is why, Hotaru will always be her number one every time she has something to tell and to be discussed.

“Thank you, Hotaru. You are always the first one I could think to tell everything.” She said it thoughtfully as though she knew what Hotaru wanted to hear. As friend may know everything including the unsaid and unseen things between.

Until then what has disturbed her mind was the possibility she would slowly lose her friend. Now, Hotaru doesn’t feel irked anymore as what Mikan has said guarantees their friendship would be placed before the relationship. Even though friends may not always be there, but they will always be there at the time in need. From now on, she would be there earnestly to support Mikan and Natsume for their new chapter to step on.

“Okay Mikan, I will also let you be the first to know once the nanotechnology is ready and applicable.”

Since you have been the sort of inspiration I have eventually come with the piece of work, as physics could be found on numerous every day’s life.

Central Jakarta, 31st May 2025.

“I guess it has been started during the school reunion last year.” Kokoroyumi, the one who started to throw deduction gave his best analysis. “They seemed to have a nicely long talk before Ruka and Hotaru jumped in and cut off their conversation. I am certain this was how they have grown interests to each other as a grownup.”

They nodded to show agreement with his recent deductions. Moreover, as they have become adults right now, it is hard to find partner who is relevant and connected to their past. Meanwhile, someone from the past could have been the souls who have known you best and deepest than the one coming later. It must be a relief once found them as your significant one that you only bother to tell the chapter after separation.

“Yeah, after that, my best friend seems to make time with him recently.” Hotaru nodded. “I have warned her not to waste her time to win over someone who doesn’t show his intention.”

Ruka cleared his throat. “If were not driven by affection, Natsume would not trouble himself to have cases around her place. It took him a while to study the cases around her to make some excuses to meet her in the middle of work.”

Needless to say, Hotaru and Ruka, the closest friend of Mikan and Natsume have witnessed several changes from their close friends. Despite four years parted and new chapters buried with dozens work; it is only a slightly chance the two would be paired up. The school reunion was one significant variable that could gravitate those who had been separated away to gather.

Ruka frowns as he is thinking something else. “But I think it has already happened since in the school. It was when I found him very out of himself, drinking herbal drink from her. If it were from his fans, he would rather throw it away.” He said excitedly as though rewatching again the scene how Natsume always put this drink as a purchasing item so that on those hard days after doing them a favor he would drink it.

“Woah, I don’t know Natsume could be this sweet as we have only seen his coolest side.” Sumire, one of Natsume’s admirers, said in admiration’s tone she should not do after knowing their gifts could have been ended in the trash bin.

“With Mikan around, he’s totally changed. For not so a sweet tooth he is, he even proposed her in the café served tiramisu cake.”

Ruka seems in the mood that he splits out several facts about his close friend. Since he is always at the frontline to watch them, he wants to share information he has known to the gangs. With this information, moreover from the most legitimate source, the gangs have gathered all the information needed to conclude kind of legit prejudice that the love has been in the air since in the school.

Narume sensei, their teacher finally jumps into this irresistible discussion which then reveals some discoveries to add during the school. His presence makes their table even louder. Later they would know how Mikan they have known made him fallen so deeply in love.

“Well guys, during the work I had paired them with, Natsume surprised me several times. The first was once in a blue moon he finally submitted his work.”

“It must be really please you, Sensei, since he didn’t like your subject.” Ana came to reassure him but bluntly told him the hard truth he has acknowledged. Narume sensei only laughs to respond as he is in good mood. He remembered very clearly his student was not a man with words, so he was not interested with literature study.

This time Nonoko tries to recall her memory and then says, “it had also surprised us. At the time Mikan headed to the dorm from library with a mournful face, it was when we had assumed that Natsume didn’t do the assignment.”

“But he really did the assignment. He wrote the need to submit his paper in order not to bother his partner.”

“It was hard not to believe that was part of love that had existed.” Yuu said earnestly.

“Yes, but what Mikan had written was more endearingly touched. She is indeed the type a person landing a hand. So, she wrote exactly like that. She even mentioned him on her last paragraph that she wanted to befriend with him.”

The rest of gangs admire her more for her sincerity. She is only a few raw human material that people could have mistakenly suspected her pretentious. Along with her coming, they could be open and befriend with all. Something they had never thought would happen and make their school life more bearable. Moreover, for Natsume who was hard to approach back then and so they didn’t want to bother.

Rather than thinking they were excluding him, it was Natsume who had not included himself around them. He used to be only standing behind them, watching afar. She was the one willing to approach him first and spoiling him in the way he could not resist, thereby introducing the world to the very charm Natsume Hyuga, very out of his character. 

The sound then changes to a wedding song played by Yuu with his saxophone as the newly-weds start walking down the wonderful aisle. It took almost a whole day to Nonoko for decorating the aisle with fresh flowers arrangement. She insisted the use of fresh flowers so it could convey a love that has just blossomed. The bride and the groom hold each other’s hand tight as they would not be separated in days ahead. The beautiful white long dress Mikan wears was designed by well known designer she had been introduced by Hotaru. While Natsume wears a respectful black suit he had chosen thoughtfully with Ruka.

Nevertheless, their whole wedding could reflect all of their friend’s involvement. Yoichi, the one Natsume has always looked after since in the academy helped them finding the most preferable venue by doing swot analysis considering the budget wise, capacity, accessibility, and any other lists. Then, it was Anna’s role to serve the brides a custom-made wedding cake like no one could have ever seen it before. It is a simple glazed cake, but somehow you could see it as clear as a crystal glass portraying their sincere love.

Natsume has laid his eyes on his beautiful spouse and sent her a dearly gaze and smile. Ruka doesn’t remember precisely when he starts seeing his friend could smile so lightly, whereas most in old times he breathed heavily. Seeing how Natsume has changed to be open and slowly gained their trust, he truly felt gratitude for Mikan. Sometimes, the greatest love story could begin with a nurtured friendship.

“They are really meant for each other.” Ruka concluded, while shedding tears as a manifestation of happiness.

The two who have been subjected to the discussion finally approach their round table. Their friends wish them nothing but happiness. The newly-weds look stunning and all perfect on their wedding days. When they smile, the world would smile back at them wholeheartedly. Seeing them right now makes you want to believe with true love written on fairy tales. Such the things often tucked away between pages of tale rhymes.

The moment you have found someone you are destined for; the universe would coincidentally work on you as you have worked on too. Years later after the encounter, until the last puzzles complete, and the love is created, a day like this has come to be true. With the unfold stories yet to begin, the visitor, their kin, relatives, and friends, who have known their stories would always cheer on them and anticipate their upcoming stories to be told.***

Central Jakarta, 25th May 2025

Today, she waits him patiently in the school library and the boy she is waiting finally shown. Another visitor on the library looks surprised with his coming since his image is far from the scholarly type. He walks casually and eventually sits across the girl having ponytail while every sights seems to follow his body movement.

“It is a half pass three. I have told you to come on two o’clock after lunch, Natsume.”

“What is more important is finally I coming .”Eventhough with half ass heart, he murmured.

Knowing he comes with an empty-handed, she passes him some papers to work on so he could join her on the project the teacher has assigned them. “Alright, thank you for coming. More importantly is that we should finish it right away before the library closes at five.”

She then quietly returns to write on certain paragraph. By chance he reads them at glance wryly, which the first paragraph has ever captivated him.

“After shoving me on this, I have assumed that you would write a better idea than this. But it has come up with a crap and helpless writings.” He could not hide his irritating look.

What happened yesterday was their teacher had assigned the students to work on personal project with assisting from their colleague. The assignment was nothing difficult, only to write their vision about their future self. But the rule he set was legit that their personal assignment would not be accepted if their partner did not submit their work.

But it was Natsume Hyuga whom Mikan had been paired with. The one who doesn’t care with schools. And so, after knowing her fate to be partner with him, she had talked to him and invited him to school library to ensure he would do his project and so they could submit their assignment together.

“Tell me Natsume, what do you mean?” her eyes almost look tortured and her sound almost trembled.

“Your writing has shown how pathetic you are to be a man of offering hand. If you keep this helpless mannerism, you will end up being taken advantage by others. Otherwise, you can pull out something excessive and gigantic on these writings to please the teacher.”

“Something excessive and gigantic like what?” she retorted. “And how about, you, Natsume? What would you write?” she pulled him with such question he could not answer right away.

“At least, I won’t write somewhat as pathetic as it is.”

She faces him deeply so they could exchange glance. “It’s not pathetic. And I don’t want to please anyone. I only write what I have promised to my future-self that, even though time has changed, I won’t change. Even if I would be disappointed and face several rough times, I really want to be a man of offering hand. I have no concern to be anything in the future, but I am really concerning how I would not change.”

Hearing her saying it earnestly, he has realized that he is only the villain on this story. The beast with the beauty. This girl has her own reason and story only they are not close enough to dig each other. As everyone has their story to carry, little did he know that she lives with her grandfather, and she studies diligently in hope to be rewarded visiting him.

It seems that the more he is talking, the more bullets he is throwing at her. He doesn’t know how to say things in nicer way nor in nicer words. He always says things blatantly in the way he only knew how. But it would apparently hurt people. And so that he is now mute, hope that she would be sulking toward him at the very last minute.

“I know very deeply you are concerned on me and so you say something like that and even keep bothering to come when there is an option to resist. You have just shown me that you just prioritize others than yourself and that is the same with my purpose to aside my ego by being a man of offering hand.” She smiles but her eyes look watery. “But, enough for today. I would finish my writing at the dorm.”

He is sure that he has sent her out with resentment and anger. But what comes from her mouth is baffling. She doesn’t seem miscarried his words but assumes him in the way other people never do before. She has the enigmatic energy he has not used to which drew him back like how he has moved to come to library, even though last night, he had a mission to carry. Perhaps at somewhat, a fruition of her patience and belief has been paid off.

He then takes one paper and starts to write it on. Before the school library closes, he takes his paper and steps out. He remembers what the girl talked before to finish the assignment before the library closes at five.

 ***

I am very apologetic if this writing only lasts this short, since at this point, I am still unsure what I want to be in the future. But I should be responsible with the assignment, and so that my partner could submit hers without any problem. One thing I would assure that I am working on to discover what I truly want to do, since at young age I have only done what was ever told and never what my concern was. I just need time to start thinking about it, not just rushed and bothered only for a school assignment. I would not let what my future be written carelessly.

Narumi sensei has finished reading one of his student assignments. It is Natsume’s writing which is simple and short yet strangely compelling and evoking interest. He doesn’t expect Natsume would bother himself to do the assignment, put a concern about his partner, and pulled-out honesty on his writing. It is too many than what he is ever expecting from him. Probably it is Mikan Sakura who has successfully played a significant role who is not giving up on him. A perfect match for Natsume Hyuga he has taken part to choose.

He feels relieved with such progression as his objective to pair his students to ensure they made it the way he hoped was accomplish. As what first had moved him to come out with this assignment was, the urge to have his students prepare on the future they should start to fight for. A simple assignment he hoped very dearly would be an anchor from their very beginning journey.

I would not let what my future be written carelessly.

His heart is now contented with a silver lining hope that one of his gifted student has possessed a strong will to face the future ahead.

Central Jakarta, 13th May 2025

He coughs and hurriedly takes his medication. For so long after a rough moment like this, he would see her occasionally through his dream. As a gift from God for his prolonged grit. But it has costed the pain on his chest spreading with an inexplicable pain. For at first it was only a sting under his skin, but it has now felt like burning. As what he should pay off with risking his life from what the academy had him to. He wonders to what extend it would get his condition the worst. Would it be at the degree he would feel like his heart exploded severely?

He has gathered his consciousness after sleeping for almost ten hours. He was coming very late to his bedroom from his duty. Ruka didn’t wake him up this morning nor bother him to school. Letting him recover and rest after having one mission accomplished. He feels dizzy but rather insists to get up and takes a shower. It will be boresome if he only stays in the room. But it is also tiresome that he won’t come to the classroom. Besides, he steps out from the dorm and leads to the pathway.

***

Meanwhile at the elementary classroom, the science teacher, Misaki sensei, is teaching about life cycle. Nature phenomenon which has brought attention to his students. He explains butterfly is only one stage from several stages it has passed before it has transformed. He demonstrates the changing visually, so his students could witness it. Several days ago, he placed a hidden camera on his garden to record day by day progression a wanted to-be-butterfly from the larval stage of insect, a primarily butterfly, to later it has turned to be a butterfly. Their jaw drop as they find it wondrous how nature has worked on certain progression.

“A mayfly, known to have the shortest lifespan that it has only had one day left to live.” He suddenly brought certain fact to add.

The rest of the class seem surprised so they ask in curiosity, “thus, how can they prevent their species from the extinction?”

Very rare he finds his students as excited as this before on school.  “Well kids, nature has always its own way to keep the balance.” He said the safest line he could think. He would not slide his mouth to say, ‘a mayfly is busy to find his mate in sort limited time and so his mouth used to eat is not fully formed yet’. His students are not ready for this fact, not until they have learned about reproduction in his next science class.

And then it left disappointment for their curious soul which has just blossomed. The teacher sweeps his sight to the loud crowd, realizing one child doesn’t spot on his usual position who could stir them calm if he felt bothered and distracted with the noise. He is nowhere at the classroom and seemed that it is a special exception for him. It happens frequently after he has done them a favor. A special duty only he could endure from his peer friends and left them in puzzles.

Not even Ruka, his best friend, has known deeply and precisely what he has been tasked for as he has always acted tough all the time. The gentle act he has done only to set his best friend ease at heart. They are more likely a family since at such young age they have been separated from their kin and relatives.

One hour later, the bell rings and the next class is a mixed class. Hotaru, Yuu, Nonoko, Anna, and several students leave earlier as they hurriedly go to their physical and technology ability class leaving Mikan alone who still gathers her belongings. She has also prepared to her mixed class, a special ability class, where none of her friends comes to the same class with her.

Along her way to the mixed class, she finds someone familiar. The one who did not show up at the class. She feels so relieved as she has seen him in his habitual activity. Laying down on the bench beneath the trees with his arm rested on face as he seems alright since his disappearing this morning.

“You have missed science class today, Natsume.”

“Get to go if only come to preach me. I am not interested in science, school, nor anything. It is tiresome.” The annoyance sound he gave her.

“Seems to me that nothing would please you. Regardless how clever you are, you should come if you really want to graduate.”

“It has pissed me of about all school things since it is all meaningless.”

“For only a student we are, and so we need to study. We should endure it patiently until graduation day setting us free of choosing what to do.” She suddenly softens her voice, “do you know there are several phases of life cycle of insects? Some of them, before growing their wings and complete features are once only worm-like little creatures. But throughout the time they have grown endearingly very distinct from their primarily forms.”

“It is called metamorphosis.” He said uninterested.

“Yeah genius, star student.” She chuckled then continued, “have you heard about mayfly? The shortest lifespan creature amongst?”

A mayfly he had ever heard. Why had she brought these things up?

“It has bothered me that why am I feeling like you more resemble to a mayfly? You have your own wings so you can fly high and witness things earlier than the rest of us. But why am I thinking while flying higher it seems that you are further away? When you have grown your own wings alone, we are still on the larval stage cannot follow your step. Only if there is a certain way, we can help diminish the distance.” She looked concerned.

“Better you first catching up my grades than exaggerating nonsensical things.”

“Yeah, it is only me exaggerating things.” She nodded and forced a smile.

He has noticed that his rudeness might disregard her feelings, but he just lets an apology stuck on his tongue, and rather asks gentler, “where did you find about mayfly?”

“From science class, where else?” She then smiled. “You should not have skipped class anymore to discover more interesting facts about nature. Anyway, please come to class more often, Natsume. It is no fun without your appearance on class, moreover they are very noisy lately. No one better handles them than your hiss does.”

She then walks away after someone from her mixed class waved her from a far, but she turns again to look at him as she has not finished talking. “Natsume, I believe you were initially a caterpillar like us, only then certain condition that has changed you a lot and pushed you further to grow like a mayfly. Wish you could find your meaning after flying high and share your view from above. Wish you spend your present time with us without looking undoubtedly to the past and the future. “

He is never ready to share his past nor his future to anyone. Or not yet. Keep the distance to stay everyone unharmed. Stay alone to prevent those he cares unnoticed. These are what he has learned from the unfortunate events and unkindness he has been thrown into. Oh God, why is it too much for him to endure for only an elementary student he is? Why did he learn that leaving is the same with loving?

May you live a whole life like a mayfly. As it may have the shortest time from the rest, but it has supposed to spend the time at its best.

Same with her mother, she never seemed it as a cruel end for him. Instead, brought him an ode saying possibility and encouraging words. She is indeed a cheerful human being who can’t stand in solitude. A much like a nuisance for his solemnity. Unaffected with the rumors whispered. Idiotically keep appeared every time he pushed her away.

“Too much immersed and absorbed on the fable you are reading.” He said sardonically.

She has used to with his sardonic act, but lately she feels that behind his rudeness lies the truth that could tell otherwise. She has eyed on him thus far who apparently act with reciprocal gesture and comment. He certainly has his own reason to remain in that state. But she just can’t stay still while thinking he might be crying out inside as said ‘do not bother yourself about me’. A lonely wolf hunting alone splatted from the groups. How she thought his choice to be excluded it’s both peaceful, and painful.

“I just feel you need to hear that. I’ll leave an energy drink to boost your health”. She places a bottle of drink and for a momentarily pause then says, “do not get hurt.”  

Something has moved him a bit, and so he gets up and says, “no-star, how dare you look down on me like I am a pathetic mayfly which for the truth is a hopeless romantic madly chasing his mate in such hurry before dying. Who would do such horrible things while on the earth I am the center of the attention and a heartbreaker.” He said in such level of confidence she could not find on anyone else and even spoiled a bit of information the class had been discussed earlier.

“No way! It makes sense now how their species are not extinct.” As she was startled, she almost bursts of laugh and continues, “rather than a hopeless romantic, you are indeed a hopeless bookworm!”

She giggles with a piece of fact that how he is not a scholarly type but a dorky moody boy reading weird books and manga all the time. And with his sense of humor, she has realized that not at every time he would reply to her with this kind of a more lighthearted respond. In most of times he has given her cold gaze, pensive frown, and irritation and so she feels relieved somehow with the subtle changes.

She checks on her wrist where her watch placed on. “Well, I will just leave, Natsume, see you on class soon!”

He just starts laying down on the bench until a yell suddenly is heard and breaks his solitude. Why on the earth God can’t even let him rest. This time is a boy at the same age with him coming. He is panic and relieved at the same time. “I was looking for you at the dorm only then realized your room was left empty.”

A flash of his panicking face rolling on his thought about yesterday when he was almost unconscious and passed out when arriving. This boy who has always waited for him in prolonged night when he has duty is probably a very least people who has carried his secret. “I thought you have gone somewhere to do them a more favor or ended up on the hospital without letting me know!” He is frightened with his deductions.

May you would be surrounded with an enchanting soul and a truthful companion and so you would fly with an ease.

“Relax Ruka, who do you think I am? I am just having some fresh air.”

“Uh-huh, good then,” he exhaled heavily. “You have just driven me nuts and got my nerves thrilled every time you disappear,” he exclaimed.

“I didn’t ever ask you to follow me.” Only after he said that he gets a little punch on his stomach.

“Don’t say that sort of things, or you will be awarded more punches to have you back to your sense.” He warned him sternly.

“Still, you have just hurt injured people!”

Ruka seems to avoid his muttering but allows himself to sit next to him. Instead, he asks him a sudden question that has occupied him. “What would you do if only you had one day to live, Natsume?”

Something has probably bothered his friend and so he should answer carefully for his preamble question. “Such an awful question—, though I didn’t ever think about that. But I’ll figure out that soon and let you know once I have come with the answer.”

“Well, if I were put to that situation and able to choose, I would remain like this. Spending the time beneath the sky and looking at it peacefully.” His gaze spots blankly to any direction on sky as he has had something on his mind. “Seems that I have set the bar minimum, but what I mean is, even in an ordinary day like this I find it good enough that no need to have the best day ever. No one ever comes with the true answer how long they would end, so I think we should endeavor to make everyday a good life.”

There are several seconds that leave them on contemplation, only then Natsume eventually says something breaking the stillness and having their mind back. “You have come with such a good answer, Ruka. About how you would like to spend your last day if you were given one more day to live.” He nodded in an affirmative way and put a smile on his face. “Let’s make it as you wish from now on. To make everyday a good life.”

Ruka is pleased with his respond and then spots one thing interesting on the bench. “Where do you get that herbal drink? It's not your likely typical of drinks.”

“Someone just left it on the bench. It would be a waste if I don’t take it with me.” He grabs the can, opens it, and then lets the liquor on his mouth.

For now, Natsume feels an ease as he hears his heartbeat, from before it has run in rush. He is far more feeling alive now. There are unresolved questions left how long his heart would give him a beat till the last air breath, but he would learn to accept his fate than dwelling on it. He would live like a mayfly with no regrets as he has a truthful comrades by side, even though he is still doubtful about an enchanting soul, who is possibly someone very close to him and in search of him either.***

Central Jakarta, 19th April 2025

Not only the dish that deserves compliment, but also the ambience. The smells of arabica coffee in the air uplifting the mood. The familiar sound played by vinyl record reopening core memories. The wooden furniture painted with warm brown and green moss color that gives warm atmosphere to gather with significant ones. There are only several tables, and one of it has been reserved by these two sitting at the window. The most favors table at the café.

“What case this time, Natsume?” She opened the conversation after the tiramisu cake had been served to them and put on the table.

“Not something interesting. Just an ordinary.” There again, he responded very shortly as usual which left her in question. What’s so ordinary on solving a case? Is he okay running and chasing from day to day? Yet, no further explanation. He then casually pulls up his sleeve to start eating the tiramisu cake comfortably.

And something just suddenly catches her attention when he is pulling up his sleeve. His hand wrapped with bandage is seen. “Did you get hurt somewhere?” She asked and her eyes looked almost teary.

“It was all fine.” He quickly ended her question, but he could see a slight change in her emotions after. She felt rejected as if her worry meant nothing to him.

What are they? Is she even allowed to worry?

This question has lingered her for years, but it has been intensified lately. Not only because she has grown as a woman nor transformed to an adult, but they have also started hanging around with only two. Not with the rest of the gangs. As a woman born naturally with feelings stronger than a man, she doesn’t want to mistake this act or catch it as a hidden code. And yes, most girls really want something to be said clearly. However, she is now a complete grown woman, so she wants to play it cool.

She is feeling comfortable with him. She first realized it when the last time they met at the school reunion when she poured him with such deep conversations. She was feeling safe while being vulnerable. Since then, she said 'yes' whenever he asked her out. Well, it might sound too loud to say it as a date since he asked her in the middle of work trip. But she would undoubtedly say 'yes' whenever she had time which turned out she always had free time to make it.

Lately, it has weighed her. She hates the feeling of being controlled. She is not being literally controlled, but she has managed to feel that way. She would be happy just to anticipate and spend several hours together, and after that she rather felt lonely. It has left her hesitate and confused how her happiness and sadness is easily controlled by the presence and the absence of someone. She feels so annoyed by the fact that ‘this someone’ is only her friend from school. She hates even more the feeling of expecting more. She feels enough of being so greedy which then putting her at the final decision.

“I don’t want to see you anymore.” She finally said it which then weighed the air around them. The longer you are here, the more I want you to stay.

“I refuse.” He said his disapproval.

“But this is not how we suppose to communicate, is it? You won’t answer every time I ask about yourself. It is only me who talk all the time. It seems that only me who is interested in you and rely on you. I feel so greedy to ever think I want to own you fully, completely. Whereas you might have different opinion.”

It is upsetting her the whole time that she is not trusted enough by him so he can show his vulnerability. It is only hers who showed her vulnerable side to him. All she wants to make it work is a mutually respect and trust between them. She is hopeless being the only one who take from him. And several times being the only one who is giving on him. It is tiresome of being full of herself.

“Did you mind what you say? You just stole the sentence that should be mine.”

“I don’t understand if you don’t say it loud. I might catch your feelings wrong if you leave many things unsaid. I just want you to be free of my feeling that might burden you. Just go if you don’t mind staying.”

“I apologize for wronged you all the time, but you know truly how I am. I don’t want to make you worry because you are the one who would think other beyond yourself. Since my work is very risky, all I want is your safety. Even if that happens this way, even if I should let you away.” He continued, “…but since then, I could not help but insist to meet you again and again.” He looked so difficult to put his mind into the words. Meanwhile all the misunderstanding has started when he hardly says a word needed.

“Don’t you understand once I say I want you completely that includes the good and the bad in you, either? We are not kids anymore, Natsume, who can easily be fooled by the perfect happy ending like an old folklore story. What takes the life beautiful, and worth is riding on it at any season until we arrive at the destination.”

“You stole my sentence twice.”

“Forget about it, my grades were better than you at the literature. I should take a courage for ‘take it or leave it’ moment in my life since someone has not made a single move nor showed his true intention.”

“Well, hold on, my lady…,” he suddenly showed a crimson diamond ring engraved with words ‘NM’ , perpetuating their initial name. “I invited you today to send the sentence, but you stole it from me.”

“Enough. The ring has already said a lot.” Her voice softened as she saw the ring. An enchanting diamond loop that meets a ruby stone. Known as a symbol of an endless loyalty and an intense passionate love which brings a call to action, spirit, fearlessness, and faithfulness. Your taste on something is full of you, which I really like.

“Well, it is not enough…” He took a deep breath, then, “Mikan, would you accompany me through the ride at any season even at the stormy day? In a moment when the world turns its back and everyone leaves. I give you my pledge to spend the rest of our life together and want to offer you my all-time guardian and with that, with all the respect and the love nourished I humbly need your help. We may fight and argue sometimes, even stumble at the road, but I won’t stop holding your hand.

I plead to you because I am so damn trying to make it, even if it is a long shot. We will be alright not ever likely what the bad news have screwed our belief about marriage. I am fully aware that not all moment in our life would be as sweet as candy, but I need you to complete me, so I can complete you either. I need you to teach me more about you and life. Since I am full of flaws --and trying to be better, will you marry me?”

He corrected his final pledge once he understood her demand to be not excluded from what is locked in his mind nor his heart. Honesty is the key leading to the trusts when committing to unity. He used the word ‘need’ rather than any word that would be too much demanding because she is likely the subject who can do things and not only an object to be praised.

The love he first wanted to offer was an endless protection which unknowingly would cage her. But her feelings are matter and valid. The love is not merely for one-sided party nor for his own satisfaction. This girl who has turned into a woman wants to offer her hand either, and so she would know very clearly her presence is matter to him as much as his presence to hers. Mutual and irreplaceable.

“What’s your final answer to my pledge?”

“I would. I am just thinking how bad you are on proposing. You copy my words at the first verse.”

“True, I am bad with words, but I am best at keeping my words.” He helped her with the ring.

“Promise?”

“I do.”

She realized that his pledge is not something excessive and just fairly enough. It is a well said, furthermore, a proportional amount he could be accountable for what he has said. As he would never promise the things he was unsure nor could not prove. As he realised a weight held from every words. And she starts to believe in every words he has finally said bravely and confidently. During their punctuated time they have made it and she will work on him for more another time.

As the life is full of unexpected twists, like how joy intertwined with sadness on the rhythm. At first, she might think this would be their ending, but it is now their new beginning. For all the differences they might have and would have in the future, they would compromise.

They didn’t even realize that it had been started when they chose to eat the tiramisu cake. She loves eating cakes and dessert, meanwhile he likes drinking coffee instead. Considering what each other likes, here they are, eating the tiramisu cake together which has opened all the possibility like how they both like eating cakes with a strong coffee taste. How the sweetness and bitterness could be perfectly balanced creating bittersweet flavour on a dish.

Not only their preference on foods and drinks, but they are also very distinctive on personality. She is very expressive and bubbly, and at the opposite, he may seem emotionless, blankly, and quiet at most of the time. But they would find their way to cohere with and to find the balance between their duo-dynamics. Just as they have successfully discovered their likeliness towards the tiramisu cake, they will learn how to compromise on many things ahead. Because there is no other way handling differences rather than compromising. A premise just started the moment a promise is made. ***

Central Jakarta, 13th April 2025

The story took place after ‘Conversation and School reunion’, so I would suggest reading that story as well as to discover the align between the two stories. And since Alice Academy was made with open-ending plots, I thought it is deserved more storyline as the story has grown with the readers as to look forward how the future has shaped every characters throughout the times as an adult. With such spirit and will, this whole short stories were born for reaching wider readers as it has been written relevant.

Anyway, the inspiration of this story comes from my dining experience at one of the restaurants in Solo. I and my best friend ordered the tiramisu cake which was served at the table by the waiter. We could see how this wondrous cake was made from slices of bread, cream, and espresso. We ate the cake gratefully and delightfully and talked about ‘gastro diplomacy’ during the sessions. It was indeed one of the humble experiences I would treasure. Not only the food which was so good, but also the place, and the friend accompanied.

A man standing still a quite long in solemnity. He looks so tortured that his black sweater and long training pant have gained attention from the gazed. He is a decent person and his appearance is something appealing. But the crowd clothed in respectful black remain in silence noticing as if they have understood the assignment that they are in deep condolence altogether. Probably he was in hurry and only picked any clothes at his sight. Only that idea comes along to their mind for not getting him wrong.

The man, himself, has retired from this business for years ago since he has not had earthly desire anymore. It is upsetting him that he should not be showing up at the crowd to see his deceased friend only to realize this is his last chance. There is no tomorrow from now on. He doesn’t prepare in time of sorrow.

After bowing to the host as if his kindred relatives, he sees the photo of a girl smiling for another moment of silence. At the lasts, you were smiling brightly, young lady, though you are too young … You are always earlier on something.

As a blossoming flower would attract attentions, this girl is like a sunflower that is earned attention by her enchanting petals that stands out from other flowers. Of this dazzling beauty, there will be always someone tempted to approach like flies disrespect the flower. Sometimes, there is a hand that wants to take the petals. Perhaps she was too young to realize those were not act of nurture, but only an invisible torture.

Ten years started to shine. Other years should be passed with her shine brighter with her flourishing skill. A respectable actress honored by friends to become. Won several remarkable trophies from reputable movies proven her dedication and hard work. Other decades to devote her passion by teaching at the academy or university to young actors.

She liked acting that much and she liked helping others instead. Even she unwittingly helped him being better after their very first meeting that had grown companionship between them. Since then, she has the soft spot in his heart as if she is his kindred spirit. He sees the part of himself endearingly familiar in this girl. A young passionate actor chasing the dream.

In one moment, she ever said passionately, “I like acting. I like being to where all possible things happen.”

In another moment she would say humbly, “I like to inspire like you, ahjusshi.”

He is very anticipated to look forward how far this girl would go.

Sadly, at some season with heavy rain through the years with wind amongst, this flower had tried hard to survive for each day. Yet it has reached her time, though she has not bloomed completely. Before the time has arrived, she lived in different story and contrary from where her life should take her.  Ever since her life flipped down in agony. She had given all but ended being assaulted and avoided. She was so pure and young that should not get all the hatreds and hates. Every time she put herself together, they would try to put down her even more. It was too much for her to carry out. Even a tree could not survive at the stormy day like this.

I wished I was there with her throughout the hardest wind and the coldest winter. I wished I could provide her my accompany and guardian and not let any flies come and let her petals taken irresponsibly.

He drops a bucket of white roses in front of the picture, with a mournful eyes that has explained his deep loss and regret. Why regret comes always at last?

I sincerely wish that someday in another lifetime you will pick to be a white rose instead of a sunflower. Having thorns within you to protect without captivating colors that would be attached. Can you be any flower living among the bushes and shrubs and only feeling the breeze. Living a peaceful life showered with light until the cold weather makes you wither. I wish you an ordinary life so you could not get severe pain in afterlife.

May your upcoming home serve you the truest love and compassion you deserve that your meaning. May your name only be remembered as beautiful as your passionate work you have poured your heart within. May every minute, every hour, and every day will not be difficult for you for the rest of your time from now on. May you rest in solitude in garden of flowers so that you won’t ever feel lonely.

He eventually leaves after bowing again to the host. Yet he still has guilt lingered for this flower he has failed to protect. I wish the society that would be nicer so there is no one like you would suffer.

Goodbye, dear. ***

Central Jakarta, 24th March 2025

It is already three years passed after we graduated from the academy and then become the civil servant who have served the country. The graduation moment suddenly flashes back in my memory where this girl widened her smile, her eyes shined brighter than ever, and her speech she gave as a school representative was given plauded, “where we come will we return.” She was one of the top students in our academy and she dreamed of serving the community humbly. What a noble dream she had. In contrary, I wanted only to be carefree and get paid highly.

“I think it’s better not to take things personally. Despite everything, you always have the grit to pursue whatever you want.” This shall too pass, silly girl. For all the moments we have spent together, I guarantee you are very determinant and able to indulge to where your heart is.

Unfortunately, this girl always like this, she cares for everything until it has consumed her. Easily driven by sympathy towards everything and then getting hurt. With her, having that great sympathy for others, I don’t know whether it is a good trait or only a bad faith as she will take things seriously. She is naïve, thinking the world has run in a perfect shape with amount people having good intentions like her. Seeing how the world she was imagining slowly turning down differently has slapped her to harsh reality.

My memories suddenly flew back to ten years ago, when our teacher gave assignment to write an essay about our vision to the future. She is the type who is pleased after helping anyone hence she wrote down naively she wanted to be anything who would be benefited to others. I made fun of her dream, saying wryly that people would take her kindness for granted that she should think of herself at priority. But I did not have any single vision to counter her back as the future seemed too far away to think which pissed me of how she saw it simply.

Her mouth curves a bit, and her pupils seem narrow a bit I hardly to see the light inside, “I don’t know what to pursue anymore as everything has darkened. I know you will think I am too naïve to see the world categorized in black and white.” She pushes her head down, “I should have heard you at the first, not to put others beyond myself. Not concerning everything I couldn’t control, but I just cannot slide everything I have faced. I cannot give a nonchalant response. You know who I am for years, and not ever at any time I can’t give shit to others.”

I let her pour all her exasperation. Then she continues, “but this should have not happened at this extent when frustration has heard and echoed at the very beginning.” She looks very blankly and tired, “it may sound cliché, but once in school, I studied very hard because I believed our people need more educated people. But it is not the lack of educated people the problem is. It is far more serious that when faced with money and fame, people start to change, even educated people!” She bursts out like she wants to cry that I could see her face has turned red. She is upset.

“Do you know what I am afraid the most?” she pauses awhile, then continues with a deep breath, “…I am afraid of becoming that one…, if, I remain to where I am now. Every single day I wonder whether I will become someone who is completely different.” Her eyes are weary as if demanding the answer. “Natsume? Why you are so quiet? You haven’t answered any questions yet. Offer me the reason to stay, I’m all ears.”

I watch her closely since I am rather cautious to say things. At this point, I know this girl only needs reassurance, validation, and affirmation from me to soothe her worry for this escalation of what people said as the dark age. I sighed. I want to say that to put herself at the first, but I don’t want to weight her. Not this time when she looks so fragile needed to be strengthened up. I want to be the one pulling her up like what she has always done for everyone else.

“For the first one, you must stay very long until you can see how things will change otherwise.” Like the change you have brought by pulling out the best of people around and not giving up on them. Subtle changes that began to rebellious boy I was that you wanted to befriend with. You were never unaffected with rumors.

“And for the other question, it is one of the silliest things I have ever heard that a respectable type like you will become such a hypocrite. As far as I know, you have not had any trait of those traitors.” Besides, I will not allow you to be that jerk. Not with me still hanging around to watch you.

She laughs and her mouth has crafted a smile, “thank you, Natsume, for always saying things rudely which has strangely comforted me.” She sips her ice coffee calmly with relieved. She has her eerie scene projecting a darkness she would perhaps come within, but it is relieving having someone who will count on you. “Glad to share this with you.”

Suddenly two other people approaching and waving their hand at far. “Hello Mikan! Hello Natsume! As expected from two top students in the academy coming on time!”

“Hi Ruka! Hi Hotaru!” She suddenly changes to a nice girl she has used to be seen.

“It is not we are coming on time, but you two coming late.” I said dryly as their sudden appearance cuts our conversation.

“Sorry we are late; it is the traffic and the protests against the government.”

She hugs her best friend once she comes then wraps her arm to her tight. “Must have been tired running from conference to conference, still you make it in the middle of your schedule. How’s your day, my friend?”

There again, her putting others before herself in someone’s behalf, which ever makes me pissed off, but loves her more instead.***

Central Jakarta, 2nd March 2025

It was a video of anglerfish seen swimming beneath the surface. This creature inhibited the deep blue ocean, so it was very rare to find the fish on the surface. People scientifically debated why this fish had come beneath the surface. Either something went wrong at the bottom, or perhaps the fish was nearly facing the death and accidentally pushed to the surface by the deep-sea current.

With all the theory evolved, I would like to believe in other reason that is far from the scientific approach. I want to believe this fish was looking for the light at the beneath. Having spent the rest of his life in a place of utter darkness, perhaps at one moment when looking up, he saw a rays of light from above the surface and wondered what would happen to live up there. Little did he know what he would be facing, but he decided to follow where the light was coming from and kept pushing through his body against the difference in pressure and temperature in the depth. Never before had he an almost irresistible impulse as strong as this to see the light above.

He was successful but he had reached his limit. Unless he had courage, he could not make it. Eventually, he saw the light at the beneath and from his last tranquil gaze and his curved smile, I could see how happy he was showered with an endless light and greeted with warm water. The scenery up there was all crystal clear that he could see his feature for the first and the last time ever. At the life above, the sea may seemed like a wave of desert projecting the sky. At the life above, there was wilderness water different from the tranquility water he had only known.

I believe I am not the only one who cried watching it.

Finding the relevance between this anglerfish and me, somehow I understand what it feels when life takes you to darkness. It is as if you are imprisoned and can only see through the shards at the window. Even though your body cannot move from that place, your eyes keep following through the rays of light coming from the fraction. You see a ray of hope from the light.

Sadly, when trapped in the dark for a long time, you will get used to spending your entire day in darkness. You feel like you don’t deserve the light. However, if at any time you see the light, do not be confused in following it. The light won’t take you anywhere, unless to a brighter place (and a better place) as this courageous anglerfish has shown us.

...will we have the same courage to follow where the light come from?

Central Jakarta, 17th February 2025

I could not think how our world would turn if we never met before. In every season I only see you, and I am not used to with your absence in spring, summer, autumn, and winter. Moreover, during autumn that would remind me of your crimson color’s eyes, while spring would remind you of my name. You always said that my presence ignited the fire in you which had ever died, yet you also have warmed my deepest heart. We are keen of each other. I don’t understand why people keep on telling you are cold, meanwhile you are only being bold. Only if they have known what you have gone through would they understand your act that way.

But I am so slow to realize that the fire in you which is used to protect me somehow has become the weapons that hurt you in return. It is an irony as much as your helping me out, but only it hurts you, and it hurts me too seeing you in pain. Seeing your countless suffering, I cannot help but keep on thinking, when was it all started gone wrong? My weakness and incapability keep on weighting your shoulder. The separation could be one best option. I must be stronger to defeat my own fear and to not drag you down anymore.

I have come into conclusion to go out from that gates that once I ever crossed to come in. To put everything in place as if I have never come. Rather than seeing you live in an endless agony, I would rather live the uncertain world outside this gate to break free your self-sacrificial. With only power left that has made me stay, I will use it all to make me out. To erase all your memory of me before dawns on morning. I do not know what the world I will face ahead, nor the days spent without you, but this time, let me help you. I hope you will understand and respect my utmost decision.

Time keeps ticking, and I can’t help but wondering, what it would have been if we never met before? Would it have been better, or worse?

If I never jumped to you, would everything put in place? If I never landed my feet to meet you, would you rather feeling safe and less in pain?

***

I woke up with tears in the corner of my eyes. I have always woken up with pain in my body, but that time was different pain. Strangely, I suddenly felt the absence of important things, and my heart ached. There was a void in my heart needed to be filled, but I had no idea what it was. As if a piece of me was stolen and buried in a dark abyss. Somehow, it was very unusual to wake up with this kind of state as if I had experienced a deep loss and sadness.

What is even stranger is that I would feel rather emotional whenever I see Sakura tree. Just now, when passing by the Sakura tree in front of this building, I feel my eyes is suddenly blurry and watery. I am sure it is not caused by the wind nor dust. It is just my body reacting weirdly as if I have lost the control of myself.

When was it all started? Was it at the first December in last year once I woke up at the hospital? I barely remembered anything, unless the fact that my health had gotten worse and ended up in the hospital. I was nearly dead with fatigue, they said, which was overly diagnosed for my overused power. As I regained consciousness, my memory slowly faded. I did not clearly remember the day before. But I woke up with tears in the corner of my eyes and slightly remembered there was a girl walking off my room. Before dawns on morning. When the first bird chirping.

Since then, I get attached to that girl and have intended to catch her shadows. But she is nowhere from here. I have a feeling that she is part of my lost memory, or probably the reason of the sudden tears and the ache I have felt. There must be something about this girl. There must be something why I do feel such deep loss. Some people might say just do not catch feelings. However, if you are not experiencing the days filled with the endless questions nor the nights haunted with deepest longing, just shut your mouth up. You would not ever know what I am feeling, even I find it hard for describing.

The way it feels so much heartbreaking, as if you forget your root and confuse to set your compass direction. You would be only living aimlessly.

If somehow, I find you, the girl I shed my tears for, will everything put in place? If we ever met before, would you explain for your disappearing?

Central Jakarta, 19th January 2025

Ps: This short story was inspired by my childhood memories. It was reading a comic entitled ‘Alice Academy’. The story was alike Harry Potter, which was involved a certain school for someone who had power and special ability (called ‘Alice’), such as fire, ice, mind reading, shadow manipulation, etc. As for the story above, it was referred to the character of Mikan Sakura (different from the original character, she had an alice ‘memories erase’ which kept reduced when used) for the first point of view and Natsume Hyuga (who had an alice ‘fire’ which could shorten his life span when used) for the second point of view.

I remembered again about this when first watching ‘When the phone rings’. One of the character is mute, communicates through writings, and it is alike figuring out my own character in my novel which has same condition. I ever wrote a novel entitled ‘Sakura’ during high school which had inspired from ‘Alice Academy’, and then it was published in 2016. The story emphasized the major differentiation of the main lead, only then the reader would find that they were very much alike. It was fun to read since it had different point of view from the characters involved.

Moreover, with the same fondness toward this comic, at some moment I ever befriended with people from abroad through facebook. Unwittingly, I was used to reading and writing with english, all thanks to them. And now I am telling this all, it is just… a slightly throwback how this childhood memories has impacted me. How it has happened and passed by several years ago from now on, but I still clearly remember as it happened only yesterday. All this precious childhood memories has made me the person I am today.

Plenty issue at the former organizations, we had the mechanisms to throw a discussion before and after an event with members of organization. At that time, I personally didn’t like such organizational things. Can’t we hold a discussion only during agenda setting and then let the members focus on doing the activity? At that moment, I thought those meetings had only wasted my time, since I was far away to come to only hear people were complaining. It was even worse since the one who was complaining didn’t even the one who had carried the activity.

It might seem like what is happening nowadays during parliamentary meetings. Those who govern will be evaluated by people who are watching outside the government. Several years later, I have thought it was very useful in a way to bring correction mechanism in the organization and fix things up. Did our founding fathers get inspired from these good practices in campus? I feel astonished how the organizations run voluntary by scholar seems more professional than any other professional organizations.

During the discussion, everyone had the right to speak for the truth. It didn’t matter whether they were in a vertical or horizontal position. They were free to speak with intentions for a better change. However, there are two types of people in the organizations: the one who wants to take from the organization and the one who wants to give for the organization. If they could not get what they want, they may leave for good. But time would unveil the one who would stay. People who stay at lasts are the one who want to give as much as what they have received.

Unlike me who was coming to the discussions with such heavy heart, I had seen there were people who was truly coming with genuine intentions. For loving the existential of organizations wholeheartedly and profoundly. They had shared their concern and delivered advice that hopefully would help run the organizations better. Probably they were there with devotion driven more beyond solely responsibility. These people should be accommodated in a system they could deliver their honest opinion. Luckily, most of campus organizations could accommodate their voice through the inherited system and culture.

Coming back to nowadays

Sadly, what I have seen in the professional organization lately is we are lacking these mechanisms. It is an irony we are the campus products used to use the mechanisms back then. It is the age where I have come to a realization that having feedback like once in campus is precious. Back then, you submitted paper, did project, carried activity and would be checked for your better improvement. But now, giving and having feedback has become luxurious thing as we only keep on walking through the usual business process and monotonous activity. There is not enough time for evaluation, and moreover there is barrier, hierarchy, and unseen things which avoids the evaluation mechanisms run through effectively. So many times, we have seen non-ideal conditions caused by lack of correction mechanism system.

Suddenly my mind flew back at times when I had been thinking hard about the relevant context about this issue. Back then, I was concerned about spatial planning's issue and it seemed that we almost forgot about the development control. With several organization regarding planning at the center and vertical organizations, there is an absence of the organization that specifically has duty to insist every parties to follow the original plan. Little did I know, whether these organizations probably have certain duty to evaluate. But I think we have a strong urge to carry out the evaluation process as important as the planning process, rather than only to complete administrative's task.

Sometimes, I wish we can replicate the mechanisms we ever had in campus to professional organization. A correction-mechanism which includes everyone’s participation. Maintaining better management towards the goal for the organization, and not to put blame on people. Nevertheless, in certain professional organizations where people are divided through degree of power, it is always challenging to have correction-mechanism. How the voice from bottom could reach the top leader? Are they even allowed to raise their voice? Meanwhile people at the bottom could have played an important role since they are directly carrying the activity in the field.

Replicating campus mechanism might seem too delusional and fascinating if we are unaware about preconditions to be prepared. The organizations run in campus probably could succeed because there are several factors included. First, it is having no age gap and limitations of barrier for each member. Second, they have fast pace in succession and mobilization of people in the organization. Third, campus ecosystem has used to with critical thinking in delivering opinion with intention to get solution. Fourth, more importantly, many organizations in campus are not profit oriented where you can find people voluntary stay with good intentions.

Meanwhile in the professional organizations, we will face many diversities which brings many challenges ahead. People come involuntary with different motives and agendas mostly driven to get paid once the work done. Meanwhile, we are trapped in a system pushed to get output done, even with reckless input and process to go through. Moreover, the mobilization of people quite long that sometimes it has created certain culture difficult to break. For a breakthrough, it might require more social cost to be anticipated.

One more problem is when you speak too much, you must do much in return as they would point it at you. It has led more people to hold on and lower their voice to avoid discomfort at work. At the end, human has so many flaws, and it is something to be grateful to have somebody to remind. I believe there are people in the organizations who want to deliver their opinion for improvement. They are always looking for certain way as water flows from upstream to downstream. It is our duty to give them channel and mechanisms to have it delivered. Once the stream clogs, perhaps they don’t want to raise their voice again and it is where you will face silent community.

Towards her works, we can get a sense of her deep thoughts on motherhood through several works like “the bond”, “no fear of depths” and “kindred” which bear some resemblance in showing intimacy and closeness throughout such as gesture of touched and hug. The figure of mother used also portrays endless compassion, love, and caring which has transcended the border of love between every entity. Her artwork also shows the co-parenting and gender aspect through “eagle egg men” showing man-forms nurturing eggs in pouch, which can be interpreted that parenting should not be limited by gender. Man that is often symbolized masculinity in the society also has duty to raise kids as woman does. Besides that, her concerns about environmental issues, like marine pollutions can be shown through the artwork “cleaner” which displays the turtle like-chimera, or “kindred” which shows orangutan carrying her babies whose look not much different from human beings, and “sapling”, and “the supporter”.

And rather than only delivering the ideas and thoughts of the artists, the artwork also may tell personal side of the artist. We can find out Patricia’s personal preferences on automotive, that in some works she has used automative paint, and in one of her works, such as “the balance” she has displayed motorbike and scooter tangled each other like wild animals. In her other works, we can figure out her personal code such as ‘the shoe’ incorporated amongst the abstract form sculpture which drives me to ask the museum member about the meaning. She explained to me that, for Patricia, the shoe represents people and tools that connects them the to earth. It is deeply understandable to symbolize shoes as human being since humans have created shoes for walking that may differentiate from other living things, but we are still part of it.

As knowledge and technology continues advance beyond what we cannot imagine, through her perspective on the future, Patricia has addressed the idea that we can live together with all entities whatever they may take form. Whether man-made, natural, or anything in between that perhaps future may unfold the lines between. Perhaps, she has criticized the concept of anthropocentric which has been positioning human beings as the epi centrum of development for centuries, rather than other creatures inhabiting the earth.

After seeing her artwork over the years, I can tell you how Patricia has transformed to become more humanistic and realistic in conveying her artwork. Her previous works were intense and hardly to understand, but gradually her works have become more realistic, and had narration built. It is confirmed by her works such as “sapling” and “no fear of depths” that have used his closest one as models and references. And with that change, it is easier for the visitors to accept the messages she has conveyed and to feel connected toward the issues.

Kudos to all Patricia team and every member of Museum Macan who have worked hard on preparing every detail to offer such amazing experience during exhibitions. Such as, how the visitors will be offered to touch the baby chimera at the entrance which probably has other way to internalize the message through the experience. At the first glance when entering the exhibitions, visitors also can see the artwork “the bond” that shows a mother holding a transgenic child that truly evokes deep sense and what the theme of this exhibition holds: care. Somehow, I do feel reassured and comfort after visiting the exhibitions, because Patricia has brought her visions about endless possibilities future can offer, rather than the vision about decaying world. Such as, audacity of hope that has given way to cynicism of survival.

This exhibition also has provided the explanation about the chimera creation process. Visitors then find out that the creativity process is truly a long journey, from pouring ideas into 3D design, 3D printing, decorating to creating hyper-realistic art. It requires tough dedication in every process and the touch of technology and creativity. And then so, if someone asks, what all these efforts are for? I would humbly say, the artists, themselves, have been contributing to build the society which will have arisen the sensitivity to the surround. And then someday with the arising collective consciousness, can we see the world that offers warmness and transcending love.

Some of you may think ‘kind’ is only a standard quality, but for me at such age, the word of kindness is a strong word. It is hard to maintain to be always good in some days you feel your world has fallen to. And it is hard to be always kind to others in some days you feel your day is blue and the world seems to avoid you. Your act and your words may unintentionally hurt people around. Meanwhile the world we are living in really needs many kinds of person like him.

He is kind to whoever. Rather than driven by certain ‘whys but the duty as human to humanize people. He is kind without intention. His genuineness and pureness really come from heart. I don’t know whether it is only me who is romanticizing or I am such good to read people and their intention, but I can feel it. As what comes from heart would touch the heart. This kindness has touched my heart.

And after several years not hearing the news from him, eventually I have heard good news coming. It is a relief that he has found his chosen one, his soon to be other half. He is such a kind person and I hope he has found another kindhearted person he deserve. But at that time, I have no time to really think about it as the world goes and by at rush. It is just a slight good news from my past colleague.

Until yesterday, I eventually dreamt of him in certain occasion. We had conversations and he explained everything I needed to know. Dream is always strange and hard to explain, but it is very strange that he was coming into my dream at this such time. During these passing days, there are many things I should prioritize to think of instead my personal feelings. The latest news may weight my mind unconsciously that much or deep inside I may think we would never have conversations, so I want to meet him once again?

Thus after years of disconnection, we suddenly met through the dream, having intense conversations. Questions yet to be answered then had found the answers. I don’t really remember what exactly every conversation we had, but what I clearly remembered the context of it was a farewell. I saw myself shed the tears several times realizing there was no way to make it work. But I saw myself fully accepted to let go of things that shouldn’t stay.

When waking up, I am such surprised since it is really a strange thing to dream of him. But at the other side, I do feel relieved with this opportunity. Our path hasn’t crossed anymore so I don’t think we will have any conversations in real life, but luckily, myself has had the words of affirming through this whimsical dream.

When writing this down, I rather feel dejavu since it has typical storyline with the past story I ever wrote with fictional character (now I re-read again to those stories, which entitled a garden of sunflower, a sequel from a sunny day on Sunday of May that may turn out to be rain). Maybe it is the time I am being the character of my own story. Or maybe I am way too immersed to the character I have ever made. I still don’t know what the dream does mean, but by writing this down, I want to give it a meaning.

At the other day, sometimes he would tease me again with these hard truths I would face for years at office. However, thanks to all those hard truths, the first time he reminded me that my duty wouldn’t finish before met the deadline, I then take a pause from work and started eating my meal which was nearly cold. Then I was able to deeply think about these upcoming tasks that I wasn’t paying attention to. At least, now I become more anticipated about what would be coming. And now I really appreciate him for his sharpness and intention to remind in a time often we avoid the confrontation.

Those are several hard truths on my example. Eventhough those examples are simple, but it is hard truths due to my first response that is difficult to accept the truths behind his statement. But, what I want to highlight is, truth sometimes is hard to tell and hard to accept. Even so, you must bear the weight of the truth is. There is one story about the hard truth that I most like. The story about Prophet Yakub and Prophet Yusuf, peace be upon them.

One day, little Yusuf came to his father to tell him about his dream. He dreamt of moon and stars that were prostrating towards him. Prophet Yakup truly knew that it wasn’t only a dream, but the sign that his son, had been chosen by God Almighty. But, being the chosen one also means there are trials that would come along.

Rather than hid the truths, instead he explained the hard truths to a young Yusuf. He was at a such young age had known that he would go through difficult times of his life. But he should go through that to level up himself. It was one of the memory from his childhood to adulthood that he had treasured. A warm message, yet hard truth that strengthened him during ups and downs throughout his life.

Meanwhile most of us would hide the truths from our beloved one, in a reason to protect them from the truths in secrecy. So they could live a life like fantasy, rather than feel the pain from the reality. Until now, I don’t know what action is better because sometimes not knowing anything is a blessing. But sometimes when you are not knowing anything you would feel something is missing. That statement itself has shown how heavy the truth is, hence it needs a wide heart to accept. And hence, I want to say to my gentle heart which is easy to break, be accustomed with hard truths. There is always a reason why the truths uncover to you. And always tell the truth, and be aware of the weight you must carry.