#mediations

Sometimes I wonder if I just made you up Because no body should ever be that perfect but there you were

there you were

Maybe you were just one of my many delusions one of the reasons I’m not sure is real or false It leaves me desperate for some kind of hold Is the past that I remember the past that really exists

Am I locked away in a room with rubber walls I’m not crazy I shout to silence the voices in my head All I needs a shadow and I’ll always have company I’m never alone, no matter how hard I try

It took years of therapy and a proper onslaught of medications and maybe the voices aren’t completely silenced but at least they’re a little bit quieter Sometimes it’s just whispers in the wind

I’m not crazy I’m just differently thought A brain that is never bored because it’s reality is whatever it wants it to be

Sometimes I choke on my pills they’re too big to swallow So I chew them into a bitter paste quickly cover it up with sweet drinks high fructose palate cleanser

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

Some thoughts. Many religious and even esoteric schools of thought have the eradication of "desire" as their central goal, if not a major or laudable pursuit. I've always found that offputting as well as fucking absolutely impossible sounding. Even if it weren't just impossible, I couldn't imagine a scenario where that was even practical. I'm not rich and I come from the opposite of money, so how in the actual fuck would not desiring things or states of being work? Isn't seeking that detachment from desire a fucking goddamn desire??!! Thelema seeks action without the "lust of result" but desire is, as I was just "informed" weaponized. One aspect of BABALON is the absolute refusal to denounce the material plane, joy, desire, and carnality in general. Weaponizing Desire, lusting for life and not lusting for result, this is the basis of Thelemic Magick and, in my current opinion, all Magick. If one is "doing their Will" Magick is simply a focusing technique designed to align the Magi better with their Universe. We do not have the technology to reignite a star, nor do we need to. There are stars in all stages of life all around us, we just have to look for them. Desire, but always in Love and in your natural orbit.