#med check

Smokey is just checking in to see if you took your meds or drank any water today.

There’s nothing wrong with your body. Please stop hating yourself.

Oh boy, there's TONS of stuff wrong with my body. I've got asthma, allergies, the one bad eye, acid reflux like nobody's business (famotidine is good for it, I gotta say), intermittent costochondritis, hypothyroid, at least two enzymatic conditions, and I haven't been to a podiatrist in years so my Achilles' tendonitis is kinda out of control, my left leg is getting to the point where it's weaker than the right, I need a doc on that. Oh, and the BPPV, but that's a nuisance more than anything.

I assume you don't know any of this, because I assume you don't know me, or you would know that I don't have any interest in going out of my way to present masculine, so I can't "hurt my body" with it. I did have a full hysterectomy about a decade back, because from puberty my periods were very heavy, very long, very painful, and pulled the rug out on my OCD/anxiety/depression meds, leaving me incapacitated and weak. After a diagnosis of PMDD with probable endometriosis, long before I identified as trans, I lobbied to have the operation done for quality of life, and when I finally did--I can't begin to describe how much better I am now. I really, honestly can't, you would have to see me in my old bleeding-out days. I'm on estrogen to avoid early menopause, calcium for my bonebs. Following in my cis aunt's footsteps, actually, my maternal line has a lot of jank uterine DNA, and Mom used to talk about how Aunt M was lying in bed after *her* hysterectomy and going "I feel so much better, I feel so much better", and the ensuing health uptick after that. So, like, not gender related, people do get confused about that. No interest in surgeries w/r/t presentation.

That covers the physical section pretty well...uh, like I said, have the anxiety triad, but it's been covered for years as long as I get my meds on time, and I'm strong enough now to make the phone calls to make that happen. That's big for me, I really did have a lot of pain after my mom died, but in the years since, I feel like I've worked through what can be worked through in grief. It still crops up, but it's not paralytic. Same with the agoraphobia, I keep working on it and it keeps getting better. I'm volunteering once a week now, and I know that's small potatoes for most people, but with my energy issues, I'm proud of myself. I'm not sure how I feel about the prospect of having a job again in this market, just because I've been off the horse so long, but I'm certainly putting feelers out there, could use extra funds for when I go see my fiance.

So, I dunno, Doc...what was your name again? You are a doctor, right? Like, my doctor? Because I'm confused why anyone else would need to know this, and, now that I think about it, I'm a little confused because I don't recall hiring anyone for a check-up, but I'm doing okay. You do read the status forms I give you at med checks, right? I know there was an anxiety bump when I started volunteering, and not gonna lie, it's stressful, but I feel a lot more alive for it. More work, more walk, less weed, like we talked about.

Checking in 💚

The fucking Latuda has a sedative affect which is why its supposed to be taken with dinner. I’m so mad at myself lol. I was struggling needlessly for like a month because I couldn’t remember simple directions.

*Side note* The Latuda that I was taking was samples given to me by the doctor so I didn’t have the time directions written out. That is why I got them mixed up.

Day 1 on the new meds:

I cant tell if I'm manic or not right now. It doesnt feel as intesnse as mania, but i certainly dont feel as shitty/low energy (other than beimg tired) as before? Im feeling more talkative, but that may be more having the ability to hold a conversation without being interrupted/actually having someone to talk to.

I wont say I have the rash my DR warned me about, as my mom pointed out it may be a heat rash from how unbearable it was yesterday so I'm gonna keep track of it and if it doesnt seem to be going away see my primary (cause lets be honest I'm a paranoid person and i doubt taking it omce would cause the rash this soon)

I dont think I'm irritable, and dont seem to have any side effects yet (which for the mundane ones usually happen right away for me like it did with the Clonidine which that first week was.. HORRIBLE lmao)

BP felt low this morning but used to that when wakimg up caause of the Clonidine (thats part of what its for)

Hopefully this works for me, especially if it doesnt make me numb like the anti depressants did.. Im just trying my best to take care of myself lmao