#tw medication

I love how everyone says i handled the surgeries super well and I was so good throughout it all , meanwhile little things kept on reminding me of being in that bed with a fucking tube draining blood into a thing I had to carry around with me and barely being able to get up because of the back pain , having to miss weeks of school in exchange for barely being able to sit comfortably and having an ugly scar on my throat ( things that remind me of it : Lobsters , vomiting, cheesecake , spongecake , bambi, ivs ( i now have a slight fear of blood tests and people inserting canula and iv in me ) anything touching my neck, hospitals i now hate )

maybe the temporary feeling of happiness was just me being drugged up. it suddenly stopped after I didn’t take 8 mg Zanaflex for 3 days… i wanna do it again and see how I feel with 3 Lyrica in my system along with some weed. fuck yeah.

i likr this one it was supposed to be more sweet… i hope someday i have a girlfirned or a boyfriend or just a friend like they do i dont really have anyone like that. i feel very lonely a lot, i spend a lot of time drawing for people and sometimes talking yo like acquaintances but i dont think we mean much to each other. loke if i died theyd probablu recover pretty quick lol. i dont think i mean much yo the world in general. i guess thats ok.

Like i have endometriosis, which even taking pills makes my hormone cycle still fucky and i still get cramps, which even not bleeding fucks my adhd, which makes me forget my heart meds in the morning, which makes me out of breath all day, which makes me feel too tired to eat, which i already find hard, which makes my pain(from probably other undiagnosed fuckery) worse! Which makes my autistic sesory threshold even lower, which makes my adhd go crazy without enough stimulation, and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

I tend to comment and post a lot when I'm manic and say autistic things 😭

Rant TW medication talk, quitting, not working, etc