withdrawal is an extremely scary thing to go through, and being medicated is horrifying.
let me spell out the scenario, where a minuscule change in the chemistry of your body sets out a chain of events. your body is struggling. muscle tremors down to your knees, your fingers being so rigid you can’t write or type, nausea every time you try to eat, taking hour long naps just to wake up and go to bed, swaying back and forth with dizziness and your entire body being sore without having moved.
and the mood swings are terrible, i woke up with my brain telling me terrible things, my hands are bruised from punching the walls and tables, i cancelled my 6 month anniversary date today because i cant be out in public. i was kicked out of class and sent to the nurse for spontaneous crying and i can’t form sentences because of the brain fog. today i had a meltdown because it was hard to wash my hair and it made me extremely angry.
it’s terrifying to experience a physical and mental health crisis, away from home, expected to function when your brain is exploding from the change in serotonin and dopamine, and everyone is witnessing it. not only that, but you feel your brain exploding and struggle to rationalize the circumstances.
and the implications are terrifying. i don’t think i even really exist. 20 milligrams less and im not myself. the person that i am in my daily life is a result of weakly built therapy paradigms and pills and without that, im nonfunctional. i can’t get off my medication if i even wanted to, no matter the long term health implications of it.
