I sat at the feet of the statue in downtown Brooklyn. The world idolized Steve the second he was gone. This tribute was covered in flowers and small American flags each year on his birthday. I chuckled to myself. It was cruelly ironic that his birthday was the same day as Independence Day. Cruel that he gave his own life for his country’s. By four in the morning, most people had settled into bed, leaving me and, at most all over the city, about a thousand people. With roughly 2.2 million people in the city, I searched for Bucky every day. And when I couldn’t sleep, I sat myself down at Steve’s statue feet. If I wasn’t crying over him, or, like today, wishing him a happy birthday and desperately wishing he could’ve had a better life, I contemplated my own life. I couldn’t help but think of what I had done to Alex. Of what I had to do to him. I looked up, wondering what Steve would’ve done.

“He’s dead, baby! Come over here, I’ll fuck you better!”

I heard the shout from across the block, over the minimal traffic there was. I ignored it, but stiffened my body, ready to react. I had been alone in Brooklyn for the last six years, and my young body remained. The amount of grown men hitting on me made my stomach churn. Afterwards, there was always a pang of sadness knowing that Bucky would’ve protected me from it if he could’ve. I began to give up on finding him, instead searching for whatever was left of him in me. I would dress like him, talk and act like him, I would even try to walk like him.

And I learned that presenting as a man was just as comfortable as presenting as a woman. I liked being both, it was comfortable.

“Hey mami!”

Except for when I got hit on.

I stood, squaring my shoulders. I realized that I had backed myself into a dead-end alleyway. I cursed under my breath. It was two of them, and they had made their way across the street, now coming straight for me. I flicked my knife out of my pocket, ready to have to fight.

“Awe, you gonna fight back?” The taller one mocked.

I felt panic begin to flare up as the second one reached into his hoodie pocket. I began to take steps backwards as he pulled a silver revolver out.

“Oh look at that, she’s scared.” They grinned at each other.

I tried to calculate my options. If I ran at them fast enough, I could probably knife one and scare off the other. If I ran away and he was a good shot, I’d be done for. I sighed. It was a risk I couldn’t afford to take. I rolled my shoulders and, once more, let the bit of Bucky in me take control.

I ran at the one with a gun, cracking his wrist. He dropped the gun and I kicked it aside. I kicked backwards just in time to hit the other one in the nuts, and he dropped too. I pushed the gunman up against the brick wall and held the knife to his throat.

“You’re gonna stop preying on people, okay?” My voice was low, and I kept the posture Bucky always did when protecting Steve.

He opened his mouth, and I knew whatever was coming out wasn’t the answer I wanted. I kneed him in the crotch and let him fall before grabbing his hair and yanking his head back. I put the knife up to his ear, pressing hard enough for blood to start to trickle.

“Okay?”

He nodded, now terrified. I decided his word wasn’t enough. I clipped his earlobe before pushing him down onto the pavement face-first. The taller one who I had taken down first was staring, eyes wide. I fronted, knife out. He got up and ran past me. I heard clapping from behind me, and I spun on my heel, knife in front of me once more.

“That was good.” The man snorted before coming into the streetlight of the alley.

I furrowed my eyebrows. He was almost a carbon copy of Howard. The only difference was that this man was far younger and already far more tired.

“You looking for a job? I could use a security guard.”

I squinted. “Who the hell are you?”

“Tony Stark.” He held his hand out.

I put my knife away and let him shake my hand. “Was your father-”

“Howard Stark himself, yeah.” He chuckled. “We should get out of this alley, seems dangerous for both of us.” He gestured. “After you.”

“I knew your dad.” I looked over my shoulder as we walked back onto the street.

“Yeah? Lemme guess, your name’s Logan.”

I stopped at the statue of Steve, grabbing Bucky’s now-ancient leather jacket and pulling it on. “How’d you know?”

Tony chuckled again. “My dad never stopped talking about you.”

“Really?”

He nodded. “He used to tell us about who you were, about how you took the serum to find your brother, all of that.”

“He ever tell you I couldn’t find him?” I hoisted myself to sit on the statue’s platform. “I might not be your best candidate for the job.”

Tony’s eyes narrowed at me, and he slowly lit up into a smile. “I have a feeling us getting split up won’t be an issue, kid.”

Previous: March 29, 1993

I pressed play on the computer at my side. I kept my eyes focused on the projector screen, no matter how much it made my eyes burn. It was past one in the morning. Steve had gone into the ice forty-eight years ago on the 5th. It only made me more determined to find Howard’s killer. I sighed as the video played. My stomach churned as I watched a HYDRA agent swerve his motorcycle, causing Howard to crash into a telephone pole.

“Why did they go in the dead of night?” I whispered, drained.

Alex shook his head from the desk chair. “I wish we knew. None of it ever makes sense.”

“Wait, wait, wait. There!” I pointed, and Alex scrambled to pause the video. “Go back, just a second or two.”

He did as told, and I scoffed. “Fucker looks right at the camera.”

“It’s no use, Lo. Half his face is covered.”

I shook my head. “It’s better than nothing. Is there any way you could pull a decent-quality image from it?” I crossed my arms over my chest.

He turned back to the computer and nodded, sighing deeply. “Yeah. It might take a while, but I’m pretty sure I can do it.”

“Cool.” I sighed, turning my attention to the papers amassed on the table. “I’ll pull the list of known HYDRA agents that were in the same area around the same time.”

Alex nodded, turning his full attention to the computer. I stifled a yawn as I sat down at the table, pulling a pile of filing folders towards me.

************************************************************************

“Logan, wake up.” Alex’s hands were on my shoulders, gently squeezing.

“What’s up?” I sat up, wiping my eyes.

“You crashed looking through all of our intel, but I got the picture.” He pushed himself up to sit on the table. “It’s clear. We can find him.”

I held my hands out for the picture. I rubbed the last of the sleep from my eyes and held the picture in the light, ready to bust the sick son of a bitch once and for all.

“Lo?” Alex asked, trying to gauge my reaction.

I ripped the paper in my hands to shreds, and Alex scrambled to pick them all up. I went straight for the computer, and Alex caught my wrist, yanking me back.

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

“I can’t.” I spoke through gritted teeth, pulling my arm back to no avail.

“Logan, we’ve been working on this for a year and half. What the fuck is going on?”

I shook my head. “Alex. I know this person-”

“What the hell-”

“And I can assure you that they are not-”

“Logan, what the fuck!”

“They are not in control of themselves! He’s not. Okay? Because he wouldn’t do this.” I jerked my arm back and went for the computer again.

Alex followed, scowling. “You were dead to the world for thirty years. People change.”

“Not him.” I shook my head and turned to him. “Not him, not like that. I promise. You need to trust me, Alex.”

“Why the fuck would I do that?”

I hit the button to delete all of the work we had done over the last year.”

“You know me, Alex. You know about my parents, about Steve, about the serum and the other weird powers. You know about my brother. About how he fell off a fucking train and nobody blinked twice. And I know you. I know about your shitty father and about your dead mom, and I know about Carol.”

“Shut up.” Alex hissed.

“I need you to trust me, Alex.”

“For fucks sake, Logan-”

I didn’t give him the chance to finish. I tore the computer in two, ripping out the hard drive.

“You wouldn’t fucking dare.”

I held it in my hands and snapped it over my knee.

“You’re fucking crazy.”

“God, Alex, if only you fucking knew.” I spat, feeling an anger I had last felt when Steve lost Bucky.

“So what now? You gonna go fucking rogue?”

I laughed. “I’m gonna blame you for all of this,” I pointed at the mess of technology, “and then I’m gonna get to go back under.”

He started for the door. “I don’t fucking think so.”

I was faster, stronger, stealthier. I was unstoppable. A super-soldier pissed beyond belief. And I would do whatever it took to protect my family. I flicked my knife from its holster.

“I’m sorry, Alex. I really did love you. I’ll make sure it’s painless.”

************************************************************************

I sat in the middle of the room, covered in bruises and sweat. My nose was bleeding, and I had earned a gouge above my eyebrow from Alex’s wristwatch. He had fought back hard, but I couldn’t be helped. I needed to protect the person who killed Howard, no matter how much it compromised my integrity, or that of my soul.

“He revealed himself as a HYDRA agent and tried to strangle her.” Keller whispered to his boss, who had come to see the scene himself.

“She fought back?”

“She’s a super-soldier, sir. The one Carter left on ice.”

Keller’s boss nodded, and as he looked at me, I looked away. A white sheet soaked the blood that had spilled. They spoke again, this time in whispers. Keller approached me, squatting so that we would be eye-to-eye.

“Please, sir.”

“What is it?”

“Please put me back on ice.” I whispered, feeling tears well in my eyes.

I wanted to rest.

“No.”

“What?”

“If you don’t wanna keep working with us, there’s the door.” He pointed over his shoulder.

I forced myself to my feet and scowled. “Go fuck yourself, Keller.”

“Excuse me?”

“Oh don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone about all the fucked shit you’ve pulled.” I called over my shoulder as I began to make my way out of the room.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Keller’s boss grabbed my shoulder.

I shook him loose. “Don’t fucking touch me.”

“Barnes!” Keller shouted.

I kept my head down and made a break for it as SHIELD agents began to come after me. I busted out of the office building, and disappeared into the street.

Previous: January 25, 1992

“You coming?” Alex’s hand landed on my shoulder.

I looked up from my computer and at him. “Not done yet.”

Alex sighed and pushed himself up to sit on my desk. “Almost done?”

I shook my head. “Not even close. Still trying to figure out how many treatments the perp stole.” I sighed.

It had only taken me three days until I suspected Hydra. Howard had been on his way to a SHIELD base to rid himself of the super-serum he had left. Hydra had stopped him, killed him, and taken the serum. We had it down to a rough estimate of fifteen treatments.

“Can’t we figure it out tomorrow?” Alex tried to catch my eye.

I ignored him, knowing what he was trying to do. I was no empath, but in the month we had known each other, Alex had a hold on me that I couldn’t manage to shake. He was trying to get me to feel guilty.

“Alex. Howard took me in when I had nobody else. I owe this to him.” I ran my hands over my face.

He grabbed my shoulder and squeezed.

“Lo. Howard wouldn’t expect you to solve this in just a month. This was Hydra. High profile assassination.”

I pulled my shoulder away as my eyes began to burn.

Assassination. It was such a crude word. I couldn’t stomach it. Howard had been assassinated. The man who took care of me when I had nobody left, the man who made me who I was today. He had been killed and left there, like he was nothing more than trash.

“I’m sorry, Logan. I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s fine.” I ran a hand over my face.

“Let’s go home.” He held his hand out for mine.

I sighed and shut my computer off, pulling on my jacket. I took his hand and he wrapped an arm around me as we walked through the practically empty office. The director was the only one left, and we had to pass right across his front door.

“Heading home?” Keller spoke up from his office room.

I peeked my head in through the door and nodded. “Yeah, Alex wants to go.”

Keller nodded. “Both of you, come here.”

Alex stiffened next to me and I sighed. As happy as Alex made me, I still just wanted to be put back under. I looked up at Keller as Alex stood behind me.

“Neither of you come in tomorrow. Stay home. Relax. Take a break.”

“Keller.” I looked up at him.

“Take a break. You’re overworking yourself, you’ll fry your brain.”

“Sir, I’ve almost got it-”

“He’s right, Lo.” Alex grabbed my shoulders.

I sighed. “Sir. Howard was a father to me. I’m not letting this go.”

“I’m not asking you to. I am telling you to take a day off. And if I can’t hold it to you, he will.” He pointed to Alex.

I looked at the tall science geek over my shoulder. Alex rubbed my shoulder, pulling me against him.

“Call us if there’s an emergency.” He spoke to Keller.

Keller nodded, then pointed to his door. “Now go home. You two make me sick.”

Alex laughed and I snorted, letting him lead me out of the office and to the elevator. I sighed as he hit the button for the parking garage. Alex grabbed me by the shoulders and pulled me into his chest, hugging me tightly.

“It’ll be alright.” He whispered.

I wrapped my arms around him, pushing my head against him as I bit back tears.

“I just still can’t believe he’s gone.” I mumbled.

“I know, honey.” He kissed the top of my head. “But we’ll figure it out. I promise.”

Previous: December 17, 1991