#manipulativeempath

I’ve been studying psychology for years & I love to learn why we do such things. But a month or two ago, I finally realized that I’m messed up.

I’ve been to Therapy before and got diagnosed with GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) & Depression (which I denied for a long time)...

But what I realized was that something else was wrong.

I suddenly realized that all my life I’ve been very unstable with my relationships. I’m a Writer and I thought of myself as a story teller but there is a difference between a Writer & someone who legit lies. I would be asked certain questions like “how was your day?” And I would respond and create these crazy but believable stories (events) that happened that day. (But they were blown out of proportion). I started to catch myself lying recently. I don’t know why I do this but I do. I enjoy lying. One thing that bothers me is that whenever I leave someone I always come back to them. No matter how many times or how bad or good they treated me. I usually am the first to leave, afraid they will hurt me or leave me first so I do first. But when they threaten me they will leave, I make up a huge false accusation to keep them from leaving. I will also tell them I will kill myself if they leave me. I enjoy playing games with them but I really don’t like it. I make them feel pity for me and i enjoy the attention even though I grew up getting attention. I push people away because I want them to prove they will really stay. I’ve had bad relationships and they left me traumatized. I’m going to therapy again to focus on that part of me because it’s really causing me to have more extreme trust issues and unstable friendships and relationships.

My Father who probably has NPD (Narcissist Personality Disorder) always says I’m just like my Mother (she passed away from cancer when I was 4 so I didn’t get to know her very well)...and he explained what she would do to him and it sounded just like BPD...

Ask me whatever you’d like, I crave the attention. 💎