#manflayer

Why have none of you drawn

“I killed my brother at Thessala,’ Fulgrim said, softly. ‘Not the one I loved best, or the one I loved least. The one I knew nothing about. The one I did not concern myself with.’ He was no longer looking at her. ‘And yet, it bites at me. As if… something is wrong.’ ‘Regret is a part of desire.’ Fulgrim stiffened. ‘What did you say?” “Regret is as much a part of desire as satisfaction,’ Melusine said, her voice cracking from fear and exhaustion. ‘And desire is what you serve. Yearning. Need and want.”

Bellephus tapped one of the fleshy growths on his helmet. ‘I am blessed with many sensory organs.’ He indicated another one. ‘This one can smell memories.’ ‘How useful.’ ‘Very. My poems are much improved by what they show me.’ Savona hid a grimace. Though he had served as her equerry for centuries, it was only recently that Bellephus had allowed her the dubious privilege of reading his work. And shyly, at that – like a love-starved youth, fresh off his mother’s teat. She thought such behaviour unbecoming of a brutal killer, but she’d never said as much to his face.

“Guidance?’ the daemon said, with a laugh. ‘I have given them victory! Was not the triumph at Thessala enough of a parting gift from a father to his sons?”

Even now, the guilt festered. To turn against the Benefactor, to deny him, was anathema to her kind. They were not made to disobey. And yet, what else could they have done? What option had he left them? What option had he left her?

Fabius paused, trying to find the words. ‘I thought – I wanted…’ He shook his head. ‘No. I did not think of you at all. That is the truth. I assumed that you would be here when I returned. I did not consider the alternative.’ ’Why did you not come for me, when you returned?’ Again, silence. Rationalisations and explanations chased each other through his head. How to explain – how to condense something so complex? ’Because I understood,’ he said finally. It sounded weak. Almost plaintive. As if he could not bear to say the words. ‘I understood. And I hoped you would come back.’ She stared at him as he loomed over her, ill at ease. He imagined that for the first time she saw the weakness in him. Not of the body, but of the spirit. The need to be in control, the need to be loved, feted for his wisdom and kindness. To be the perfect father and god in one. Whether he admitted it to himself or not, it ate at him like acid. And it would kill him in the end, as surely as a blade or a bullet. He touched his chest, feeling the bite of the stone knife. ‘Is that why you sent Arrian to me?’ He cleared his throat. ‘I have enacted the Omega Protocols. You will take your… tribe and enter the webway. I–’ ‘No.’ Fabius stared at her. ‘What?’ ‘No. We will not abandon our kingdom. This world is ours.’ ‘I do not think that you understand the gravity of the situation. You have never faced a foe like this. You are unprepared…’ Igori bowed her head. ‘Then prepare us. We are your weapons, Bene­factor. Sharpen our blades. Ready us for war.’ She looked up at him. ‘It is all we have ever asked of you.’ Fabius shook his head. ‘No. No, I have made arrangements. You will go. You must. Someone must see to your people in my absence. I can think of no one better than you.’ He did not look at Mayshana as he spoke, but he felt her eyes on him. ‘And I have said that I will not go.”