#malec meta

tbh i think that alec is really big and intense with words??? like all the impromptu love declarations and stuff like "when i'm staring into the eyes of the man that i love"... it just sounds so intense, even the verb used (staring instead of like, gazing or something normal) and the general dramatic way alec casually says things (inner strength, which you are overflowing with... seriously what the fuck. i gotta give matt daddario a lot of kudos for managing to pull that one off without sounding cringey or weird, because i remember reading the subtitles for that and thinking "oh this is gonna sound terrible" and then he actually said it and it... didn't. it just sounded like alec is the kind of guy who's intense and dramatic enough to say stuff like this like it's normal. which is kinda the truth but isn't easy to pull off). so honestly i don't even think it's that he doesn't say it enough, it's just... that magnus doesn't really get it, like you said

like he probably has a billion reasons in his head why it isn't really true (why would it be?), some of which don't even make sense together but he's still putting them all together because it just... can't really be real, you know? because again, he's relearning that the default is not that he should be considered a hassle for existing or earning affection in a relationship with someone who supposedly loves him. believing that alec genuinely just... feels for him so strongly, strongly enough to leave earth forever and stay the rest of his life in hell just to be with magnus? that doesn't make fucking SENSE

so in his head i think it's all like... it's his first relationship, of course he's feeling everything so intensely. he's never allowed himself to express love like that before, of course now that he gets to he is so over the top. he's going to get tired of me eventually. i just happened to be the first person he could do this with, but once the novelty dulls he's going to grow tired and find someone he likes more. also, i am somehow too much for him even if he is being way more intense than i am. also, i am probably not intense enough and he will eventually grow tired of that. also, someone else is probably more deserving of all that affection anyway, although at the same time it isn't real and will eventually dull once he calms down. also,

whereas in alec's head it's just like why the FUCK wouldn't magnus know that alec loves him when he says it all the time? and why the fUCK wouldn't alec love him anyway? like it's obviously natural to him, he said that he was going to stay in edom with magnus like it was the most obvious thing on earth because just leaving him there didn't even cross his mind as a possibility. leaving magnus is not a possibility, because alec loves him, and he doesn't turn his back on people just because it's hard

and also i think to alec it's just like... i've said it, so why wouldn't he know? (again autistic icon, like... why the hell do people keep looking for hidden meanings or doubting his words or whatever? he says what he means ffs) like he told magnus time and time again that he loves him and that his past doesn't matter and that magnus is his world and is everything to him so why would magnus ever think otherwise?? it doesn't make sense

also because i think alec never really doubted his feelings. hid them, sure, and doubted whether or not he should act on them, definitely, but he never really doubted his feelings. i think alec is chronically incapable of lying to himself, tbh, he's just too practical and he's very self aware and the fact that he's mostly introverted means he gets a lot of time to contemplate himself lmao. but it was always about his choices - would he say fuck it and be with magnus, or do what's expected of him and marry lydia? - but never about what he felt. he always knew what he felt. again, he's always known he couldn't get what he wanted, which implies he's always known what he wanted. so to him, the way he feels is obvious as all fuck, and there's no reason to doubt it, and it takes him a while to realize that from where magnus is standing, it isn't as obvious

which i think he still doesn't fully get for a long time because again?? he's told him?? and there's probably some angst in there somewhere about alec feeling like he needs to prove to magnus how he feels, but really, it's not about alec at all, it's about magnus and his insecurities and his abuse history, you know? and there's nothing alec can or should do about it

also he's totally heartbroken when he realizes that magnus is still surprised by his affection, surprised to see that alec and his friends came back for him in edom at all, surprised to see alec choose him over and over again. he expects so little and it is so sad to alec because he feels so strongly for him and magnus doesn't get it

at the same time magnus being heartbroken because he knows it's not fair that he keeps doubting alec like that, alec who kept chosing him and surprising him at every turn and never gave him any reason to doubt how he feels, alec who was a lot of magnus' firsts even though magnus is hundreds of years old.... and he probably feels guilty for it too, because alec deserves someonw who understands and trusts him and magnus clearly isn't it. and alec is just more upset by magnus seeing it that way when this is not something magnus controls and alec knows it's got nothing to do with himself. and every time magnus tries to reassure him that it's not his fault, it's not about alec, on the contrary, alec has always been so amazing to him and he doesn't get why it's so hard for him to believe him fully... it just hurts for the both of them

Hmmm, nothing in particular stands out to me about these colors, nonny. I remember that Magnus’ eyes are sometimes described as gold and I think the sheets on his bed were gold in that post-first-time morning scene. Oh, and Magnus’ magic, which was usually blue, was yellow when he borrowed Lorenzo’s magic.  

These are the yellow/gold references I can remember when it comes to Malec. Other than that, there are Jace’s eyes flashing gold when he “activates” his runes without a stele and Clace’s runes shining in gold when they were... tracking Jonathan? Was that what they were doing? 

BUT, I’ve been thinking a LOT about what Alec is gonna do with Asmodeus’ deal since the preview came, and I swear, there’s a little voice at the back of my head that has been singing (and sometimes screaming) for the whole week:

♩ ♪ ♫ ♬ ♭ “Alec could trade his mortal blood in exchange of  Magnus’ magic and THEY WOULD BE INMORTAL HUSBAAAAANDS”  ♩ ♪ ♫ ♬ ♭

Like, I know this idea is from one of the BEST fics I’ve ever read (no matter the fandom), but I’m here like, listen, THAT’S THE SOLUTION!!!!1!!!! Alec trades his mortality for the man he loves, and Asmodeus is impressed as fuck bc no matter how fucked up father he is, he cares in his own (evil) way about Magnus and this was kind of a test (he would never let Magnus die of old, of all things, he would shwooop in the last moment to save him and make him indebted to him, bc what he wants is to be loved and admired by Magnus, even if he doesn’t know how to do it, y’know, in a healthy way). Bc he knows about this- shadowhunter his naive son is fallen and sacrificed so much for. And he wants to show Magnus how lacking is everyone by him. He wants Magnus to come to Edom with him, after all. 

And if he’s wrong and this nephilim is actually worthy, well, then he would be in the good graces of his favourite son. Who knows, maybe if the couple is inmortal now, they could be a family of shorts. They’ll have all the time in the world to have FUN!!! And he will never let Magnus forget that he’s happy bc of him.

You know, it would make sense in a Prince of Hell kinda logic.

But no matter what happens, I keep reminding myself that we always have fic. Bc my worst fears are that either a) they make Magnus regain his magic but not his inmortality, thus making them both mortal, or b) Magnus regain his magic and inmortality and they get married and that’s it, they leaves us wondering how the fuck are they gonna cope with the fact Alec will die someday.

And that’s definitely a good point, but I’d disagree it’s just an angst fest for the point of angst.

Yeah you can argue there were other methods Asmodeus could have used at his disposal to get Magnus to his side, but in his own twisted way, this is Asmodeus doing what he thinks is best for Magnus and that simply giving Magnus an ultimatum just doesn’t drive home the same punch as Magnus willingly - albeit not knowing it’s all manipulated by Asmodeus - choosing to join his dear old dad.

Yes, Magnus has lost a lot. Practically everything, but that’s kind of the point? Drive someone to their lowest and that is when they’ll be the most receptive. Asmodeus wants Magnus to have his “fuck this shit” moment. This is how he thinks he’ll get it.

Feel free to disagree - and call me a hypocrite because I fucking love Malec and want nothing more than their undying happiness and I too have done this many times - but I think this is one of the times the fandom is cutting off their nose to spite their face.

I agree 1000%.

It’s like @faejilly and @janoda and @thedescentiseasypodcast and a lot of other people have said, they are having totally different conversations and don’t realize it. And they’re also both sort of…taking turns being out of line.

Like, in the scene when they first start talking about the box in the apothecary, Alec’s tone on a couple lines was really inappropriate. He didn’t sound as though he were trying to communicate or understand, he sounded as though he’d drawn some unpleasant conclusions and was expecting Magnus to confirm them.

Which Magnus…sort of does. I mean, this was a time when Alec needed reassurance, but all Magnus saw was that he was being confronted with something he couldn’t deal with.

Likewise, as much as I know Alec’s “saltiness” in that first salvo of the breakfast scene amused everyone, it was also inappropriate. They were having a lovely breakfast together and suddenly he just got a little nasty and that’s the sort of thing that is bound to put someone on the defensive and inhibit the possibility of having a productive conversation.

Magnus starts out well in the breakfast scene. He says “let’s talk about it” and Alec…does. Go Alec, yay!

But that’s when it all goes wrong on Magnus’s part, because rather than keep that communication going, he tries to pivot onto Alec’s inexperience. Which, again, was totally out of line. He was absolutely changing the subject and Alec was completely right to call him on it.

Which I suppose just really goes to show how much Magnus can’t handle thinking of Alec growing old and dying on him. I think a lot of people are so lost in empathizing with Alec’s side of things that they’re not seeing what this really means for Magnus.

The experience of loving someone and outliving them is something Magnus has lived again, and again, and again.

I really wish people would think about what that must feel like. To lose someone you love so much that losing them literally feels like dying. You don’t know how you’re going to survive it. But you do. Eventually you begin to heal and you pick yourself up and you continue on with your life.

It’s traumatic. It’s hugely traumatic. And Magnus has done it over and over.

Maybe sometimes the degree of trauma varies, based on a number of factors that may ameliorate it, but it’s traumatic. But Magnus is walking knowingly into that trauma once more.

When he said, back in 1x06, that Alec had unlocked something in him, no one really stopped to think what that meant. What he had locked away, and why.

He knows what awaits him at the end of this, and the only way he can face it and keep walking toward that inevitable conclusion is by not evoking that knowledge. By pushing it back and refusing to deal with it, because if he deals with it, it’s going to cripple him and he won’t be able to–as he says–cherish this time with Alec.

If he lets all that in, he’s going to have to deal with an incredible amount of fear. Fear that Alec can’t reassure him through, because Alec can’t promise he won’t die.

This is fear of a very familiar pain that is never any less for its familiarity. Fear of the possibility that this will be the loss that finally breaks him, fear of not being able to move on when it’s time to be done mourning and feeling that way forever.

Or–possibly worst of all–fear of actually being able to move on after all when the time comes.

Because there have probably been other times when he’s thought “This is it. This is the one that will break me.” and then…it didn’t.

I think people who are judging Magnus for not being able to cope with this discussion well are underestimating how traumatic his history has been in that regard. They want so badly for Alec to be The Only One Magnus REALLY TRULY Loved that they’re neglecting to consider how traumatic the loss of Magnus’s previous loves was.

So, Magnus needs to communicate this to Alec, but he can’t. He can’t open that metaphorical box as easily as Alec opened that physical one.

And he also has to be worrying about what Alec expects from this conversation.

What if Alec wants to hear Magnus say that yes, losing him will hurt more than losing any of the others did? Can he disrespect the memories of those people he loved by saying they didn’t matter to him as much as Alec did? Can he hurt Alec by saying that yes, ultimately he will pick himself up and move on? It won’t be easy, but he’ll do it.

Does Alec want Magnus to promise not to move on? He can’t do that, and if that was what Alec wanted, then it would actually call into question how much Alec actually cares about the way Magnus feels. 

So, yes, Alec is afraid of the future. And it’s a very valid fear. It’s a very Alec fear. Worrying about the future is what he does. But it’s also an unknown quantity.

For Magnus, it’s not. He knows all the steps to this dance. And what is blocking him from being able to communicate effectively on it is opening the door to a pain that has probably threatened to destroy him more than once.

@maleccrazedauthor @malec-crazed-author @nancyloumm I am going to preface this by saying I have a weird life so it is harder for me to understand some very common sense things that everyone with a normal semblance of a life might get. I also apologize if this comes off as rude.

Okay, that’s out of the way, I will eventually have an arranged marriage so when Alec said that he changed his life for Magnus I wholeheartedly agreed. He did, he broke societal norms and started a relationship with a warlock. He came out of the closet, he went against his parents wishes. But what bothers me is when Magnus says that Alec did all of that for himself.

Is Magnus saying that because it seems like Alec had a choice between following what his parents wanted and doing what he, I don’t know the right way to say it but, felt compelled to do? I see some people saying that Magnus coerced Alec into having sex. Again I know what that feels like so I don’t agree with that view point. But feeling like Alec had to go out with Magnus….that for me is a grey area only because I feel like Magnus was the first man that reciprocated his feelings. Like Magnus was the first man that made him feel important. Maybe thats just me projecting and I do not want to taint the relationship of Malec with my experience.

Okay so, I’ve stayed pretty quiet on the whole cut and sex scene or lack thereof from ep seven, we all know the one I’m talking about. But I was talking to @seaselkie (again) about this because that’s where my rants about TV shows usually goes, and she hasn’t yet seen season 2 so despite shipping Malec she’s impartial, also some of what I’m writing might have come from her in our discussion so I’m giving credit. So yeah, I showed her Jace’s sex scene, Izzy and Alec’s convo and the Malec “pre-sex” scene.

Her instant response was: “No way are they having sex right there.” 

I agree.

I want to acknowledge now, that if they did have sex after the cut, it’s fucked up in more ways than one. It’s homophobic from a viewing standpoint and unhealthy from a relationship standpoint.