When it comes to Malec's fight, I don't think there is any side to be taken. They both have very valid insecurities and arguments, yet they also both said stupid things they didn't mean to set the other off. So you can't really take a side imo.
It’s like @faejilly and @janoda and @thedescentiseasypodcast and a lot of other people have said, they are having totally different conversations and don’t realize it. And they’re also both sort of…taking turns being out of line.
Like, in the scene when they first start talking about the box in the apothecary, Alec’s tone on a couple lines was really inappropriate. He didn’t sound as though he were trying to communicate or understand, he sounded as though he’d drawn some unpleasant conclusions and was expecting Magnus to confirm them.
Which Magnus…sort of does. I mean, this was a time when Alec needed reassurance, but all Magnus saw was that he was being confronted with something he couldn’t deal with.
Likewise, as much as I know Alec’s “saltiness” in that first salvo of the breakfast scene amused everyone, it was also inappropriate. They were having a lovely breakfast together and suddenly he just got a little nasty and that’s the sort of thing that is bound to put someone on the defensive and inhibit the possibility of having a productive conversation.
Magnus starts out well in the breakfast scene. He says “let’s talk about it” and Alec…does. Go Alec, yay!
But that’s when it all goes wrong on Magnus’s part, because rather than keep that communication going, he tries to pivot onto Alec’s inexperience. Which, again, was totally out of line. He was absolutely changing the subject and Alec was completely right to call him on it.
Which I suppose just really goes to show how much Magnus can’t handle thinking of Alec growing old and dying on him. I think a lot of people are so lost in empathizing with Alec’s side of things that they’re not seeing what this really means for Magnus.
The experience of loving someone and outliving them is something Magnus has lived again, and again, and again.
I really wish people would think about what that must feel like. To lose someone you love so much that losing them literally feels like dying. You don’t know how you’re going to survive it. But you do. Eventually you begin to heal and you pick yourself up and you continue on with your life.
It’s traumatic. It’s hugely traumatic. And Magnus has done it over and over.
Maybe sometimes the degree of trauma varies, based on a number of factors that may ameliorate it, but it’s traumatic. But Magnus is walking knowingly into that trauma once more.
When he said, back in 1x06, that Alec had unlocked something in him, no one really stopped to think what that meant. What he had locked away, and why.
He knows what awaits him at the end of this, and the only way he can face it and keep walking toward that inevitable conclusion is by not evoking that knowledge. By pushing it back and refusing to deal with it, because if he deals with it, it’s going to cripple him and he won’t be able to–as he says–cherish this time with Alec.
If he lets all that in, he’s going to have to deal with an incredible amount of fear. Fear that Alec can’t reassure him through, because Alec can’t promise he won’t die.
This is fear of a very familiar pain that is never any less for its familiarity. Fear of the possibility that this will be the loss that finally breaks him, fear of not being able to move on when it’s time to be done mourning and feeling that way forever.
Or–possibly worst of all–fear of actually being able to move on after all when the time comes.
Because there have probably been other times when he’s thought “This is it. This is the one that will break me.” and then…it didn’t.
I think people who are judging Magnus for not being able to cope with this discussion well are underestimating how traumatic his history has been in that regard. They want so badly for Alec to be The Only One Magnus REALLY TRULY Loved that they’re neglecting to consider how traumatic the loss of Magnus’s previous loves was.
So, Magnus needs to communicate this to Alec, but he can’t. He can’t open that metaphorical box as easily as Alec opened that physical one.
And he also has to be worrying about what Alec expects from this conversation.
What if Alec wants to hear Magnus say that yes, losing him will hurt more than losing any of the others did? Can he disrespect the memories of those people he loved by saying they didn’t matter to him as much as Alec did? Can he hurt Alec by saying that yes, ultimately he will pick himself up and move on? It won’t be easy, but he’ll do it.
Does Alec want Magnus to promise not to move on? He can’t do that, and if that was what Alec wanted, then it would actually call into question how much Alec actually cares about the way Magnus feels.Â
So, yes, Alec is afraid of the future. And it’s a very valid fear. It’s a very Alec fear. Worrying about the future is what he does. But it’s also an unknown quantity.
For Magnus, it’s not. He knows all the steps to this dance. And what is blocking him from being able to communicate effectively on it is opening the door to a pain that has probably threatened to destroy him more than once.
So, yeah. People need to cut them both some slack.
