#madder

i feel like maladaptive daydreaming is so fucking hard to cope with or manage because it just creates this never ending cycle of relapse where your heavy daydreaming takes a toll on your life so when you finally try to limit it you're so ashamed and disappointed by what your real life has become/what you done or haven't done that you just collapse and continue the bad habit that caused it in the first place. it becomes so engrained in your daily life and the way you think that you don't realize how much you rely on it until you try to stop. next thing you know, you're on the shower and you realize you can't go more than ten seconds without slipping away. the days go by so fast but in the moment, you're so desperate for any kind of escapism cause you're just not used to sitting in the real world. i have no identity. my entire mental state is dependent on it. how well i'm doing is entirely defined by the daydream ideas i can scrape up. i'll have a complete mental break and then the next day i manage to be whisped up in another dream, one that promises to stay, to be kind. to love me, and then the cycle starts all over again.