#lucitrix

Bellatrix Malfoy has been disguised as Bellatrix Lestrange for the past four years. It was exhausting. 

It would be easy if it just meant dealing with Rodolphus and his pathetic attempts. It would be easy to just do what most of their forefathers did and simply accept the fact that this was a business move and he could go bury his dejection in whatever the Leaky Cauldron waitress he wanted. it would be easy if it just meant Bellatrix could sneak away for month under whatever pretext to visit her Lucius and her baby. it would be easier without this War and the interest the Dark Lord has taken on her.

It was subtle, at first. The keen interest in her Legimency and her skill in general combat, the strategy meetings that seemed to only end with the two of them alone. The skyrocketing trajectory she’s had, and her new status as his right hand. She didn’t see him capable of honoring anything but pureblood rules, one of which is ‘do not stain the good name of any pureblooded lady in any way’; which she thinks is one of the reasons why she was safe from any actual advances.

Bella had perfected her images the Dark Lord was to see if he tried to read her mind--after all she taught him all she thought was necessary, and since he trusted her, he wouldn’t doubt the quality of what he was taught. 

“I’ve decided to produce an heir.” he stated, in that cold way only he’d say something like that as they sat between a map in the middle of what used to be Gaunt Cottage

“I see both the benefit and the detriment in that notion” she offered

“Continue.”

“It would be guaranteed that Slytherin’s bloodline continues, however it is a volatile and very unreliable gamble. the child could betray you, or overthrow you..” 

“not if it’s raised by the right people” he countered. searching for something in Bella’s expression.

“That would take a lot of careful planning, but in the end it is your decision.” the idea of him...well...doing any of the necessary things to produce an heir was sending her into a tailspin...Merlin she hoped he would move on from that whole idea altogether soon.

“Now Bellatrix, I have a question to ask you” the Dark Lord hissed “It is...delicate. But I trust you to be pragmatic.”

“Please” she gestured with a nod for him to continue

He stood, rounding the already small distance between them, to sit beside her. She fought the urge to pull away. Instead focusing on the images she was crafting for him to see. A vague sense of intrigue and fear--his two favorite things. “ Tell me. are you able to produce children?”

She didn’t realize she wasn’t breathing until she started speaking “If I were able to I would’ve had one by now. And as my sister got married after myself and she’s already bared a son, as you know. ” she sighed, half out of relief that she didn’t really lie, and half to sell the fact that she was pretending to be sad.

Voldemort’s red stare finally moved away from her., he eased away seemingly satisfied. And Bellatrix felt just a little more air in her lungs. “I do only ask to ensure you will not be otherwise occupied when you take over the care on this heir once it is produced.” 

Bellatrix nodded, then shook her head, suddenly dizzy “Of course, I will aid in any way I can, as always.” 

“As always” he echoed, not quite looking in her eyes but certainly at her face. “We will discuss this again closer to the time, for now, you will need to head north next month, there is a rumor that giants are in need of...support.” 

“Is anything you’re afraid of Malfoy?” 

Bellatrix Malfoy was considered stoic at best.

A curt nod, a roll of the eyes, and unrelenting disapproval; that’s as emotional as she got. It was all the range she allowed herself to have. The constant distraction from her thoughts and a perfect way to release any tension within her was welcomed. Her subordinates thought her mad, doing such horrid tasks for the Dark Lord without batting an eye--they supposed this was why she was second in command in the first place. It was full days of drills, questioning, strategy--she tried to get lost in the work until her head hit the pillow.

This was the problem.

It had been 45 days without her husband, without her baby; and all she wanted was to sink into the mattress while her Lucius held her, and her Phoebus slept in his cot next to their bed. This was the only thought that would plague her as soon as she closed the door to her quarters behind her, leaning against the old wood and taking a long breath.

She missed the warmth of her own bed, the smell of the polish the elves used on the floors, the smoothness of the sheets, her pillow... The old four-poster creaked as she sat down, coming back to her dingy reality at the noise. She shouldn’t complain, most of the people here are staying in sleeping bags in the hallways... But is wasn’t the luxury that she missed, it was the feeling of being home, she’d take the dingy abandoned muggle hospital if it meant her family.

She hoped Lucius was okay. 

He couldn’t be much better than she was, he’d go through the roof if he knew the danger her troops had been in the past few weeks. Bella could see him now, pacing madly in his own place of stay, all but ripping his hair out. She chuckled softly, her vision blurry with tears she hadn’t realized were forming. Quickly she blinked them away....It took a little while, but she got herself together. stood up, and changed for bed. 

She usually didn’t jump at small sounds. but the current state of events here had her on edge. Donning her thickest robe, she opened the door a minuscule crack. 

“What.” she barked at the shaking boy she could just make out at the other side of the door.

“A-an owl arrived for you...from the western camp Comm--” 

She ripped the paper from his hand and slammed the door, holding the folded parchment to her chest like an old friend. Bella sighed, staring at the rushed but still flourishing handwriting. With a quick flick of her want at the lamp, she sat down on her bed and read hungrily. 

My Dearest Little One, 

I charmed this with the old spells--seemed fitting..

To say I die every moment away from you sounds like an understatement, for you are the very thing I need in order to breathe. My soul misses yours more and more with each passing minute and I can swear to you that I shall become withered and turn to dust if I do not see you as soon as possible. And to say nothing of our beautiful boy... I cannot bear this.

It is fortunate that this letter includes good new in the guise of business matters, though you know how I despise ruining my letters to you with such things, we both know it must be done.

We are moving quickly back east. The search party hasn’t turned up with what we thought, but it’s a start.Of course I cannot write out the details, despite our precautions, so I must tell you in person. There’s an opportunity to meet in two weeks time to . 

I wait on tenterhooks until I can hold you in my arms once again. 

Yours, forever,

L.

She couldn’t breathe; reading the note over and over, angry at herself that she read it too fast. A small, whimpering giggle escaped her lips before fully letting herself give into her relief. her tears hot lines down her cheeks as she continued clutching the letter. Two weeks time...that was forever from now! But it was a forever that would end. She couldn’t stay seated, all but running through her space to find parchment--where’s all the fucking parchment!? 

She spilled half of the ink on the desk as everything crashed in a pile. Her handwriting was never as lovely as her husband’s, so she did her best to take her time. 

My Darling Master, 

I cannot tell you how much I need you with me, to keep me sane, to just breathe you in. I feel lifeless, I always do without you... I want you and our baby together again. Whatever it takes. I miss you so much the only thing keeping me above water now is the news that I will see you again.  

Please do not worry, I understand, I still love every letter you send me.

We will note to spot a friendly camp in the place we’ll be in two weeks time, which was discussed when we last met. News of the findings to be distributed on a need-to-know basis. No more. The total amount of days our camps will merge will be entirely up to me.

The days will be centuries now and turn into only minutes when we’re together again, but I will take it. I’ll take all the torture imaginable in order to be with you just for a moment.

Yours, forever, 

B

She made sure the rest wouldn’t see her sneak into the makeshift owlery to send her letter, kissing it gently before charming it and tying it to the frustrated barn owl. “Oh shut up, he’ll feed you well...” she rolled her eyes at the creature as it ruffled its feathers indignantly before taking off. she hurried back to her quarters as soon as the bird was out of sight.