You were kind, I was cruel
Y/n and Steve start a physical relationship that makes the reader question everything.
6.2k words of adult themes, trauma, so much trauma, idiots in love, reader falls first, Steve falls harder.
@let-the-ocean-take-me-23
The first time it happens You don’t know what makes the cup overflow, one minute you’re both worried about your lives ending and the next time you’re sucking face. You’re the one who makes the move, you lean in just enough to be a breath away from Steve giving him an out if he’s not feeling the vibe.
It doesn’t really matter anyway you tell yourself as you might be on deaths door anyway. Any minute now could be your last.
Steve leans in and captures your lips with his. Your fingers are in his hair pulling you as close as possible. You want to drown. You want to escape.
You pull rougher on Steve’s hair and he moans softly into your mouth, it makes your whole body feel like it’s on fire. You want more, so much more but you know it’s not possible. Not now. Not here. Not you.
He grabs your waist and hold you as close as possible. He’s clearly aroused but then again so are you. Right now is not the time though.
~
The second time it happens it’s after staying near Eddie’s bedside, Eddie is barely hanging on and you’re scared he’s done for.
Steve finds you in the waiting room, you haven’t slept in the last 24 hours at least, you definitely aren’t thinking clearly.
You can feel yourself spacing out until a hand grabs yours gently, which shakes you out of your trance.
‘He will be okay’ Steve reassures you and it’s all too much at once, too much softness, too much reassurance just too much.
You want to bark back what does he know! How could he possibly even know! Why wasn’t it Steve instead you think briefly which you know is mean, you’re aware that you are being unkind.
But God perfect Steve Harrington with his perfect hair and his perfect face and his stupid perfect everything.
You bet his parents fucking adore him! Dote on him, surely they must right? He was ‘the king’ of Hawkins high afterall!!
In all honesty you wish it had been you, you deserved to be fighting for your life, which you know is equally fucked up. But Eddie did not deserve this! He deserved to graduate and leave Hawkins.
He deserved to follow his dreams and make it big! He had so much potential and you want it for him. Truly.
Not you though, you’re too much and too fucked up. You know you will always hate yourself.
You will always be nothing. Nothing special to anyone not even yourself.
Steve’s still holding on to your hand, you need to stop the thoughts, it’s all just too much and too fucking loud.
You lean in against Steve, still close enough to give him an out if he wants it, he looks down at your lips with hunger and god it lights a fire inside you.
Steve is gorgeous, always has been and always will be. He has beautiful golden eyes and moles everywhere and perfect hair.
He hesitates for a moment.
‘Are you sure? I don’t want to take advantage of you… with everything going on…’
‘I want to. Please…’ you add softly as your hands automatically finds his hair and you pull on it.
He leans in and kisses you, it’s more gentle than last time, Steve takes his time to put his lips on yours, hid hands caress your face as if you’re something special. You pull his hair harder and he whines. Whines. You push your tounge into his mouth against his.
He seems unsure of where to put his hands so you put them on your sides, just low enough that he can feel the last bit of your chest.
~
Third time it happens you show up at Steve’s house, you hesitate for a second before you knock.
It’s in the middle of mayand it’s so humid outside, you’re standing in the summer heat and it’s raining so You’re slightly soaked, your hair is clinging to your face, you are in ripped black jeans, and a brown tank top.
Steve opens the door and seems delighted to see you until he takes in your appearance.
You’ve been having nightmares about Eddie’s body bleeding out in the upside down, sometimes it’s you who bleed out instead of Eddie. Those nightmares doesn’t hit nearly as much.
He’s about to ask if you’re okay when you lean in, you wait for him to close the gap but he doesn’t at first.
‘You sure this is what you need right now?’
‘Yes. I need you’
He closes the gap and you jump onto him and he wraps his arms around your thighs as if you weigh nothing. Which is oh so very hot.
You start making out as he sits down on the couch with you on top of him. He’s turned on already which you enjoy probably more then you should, after all it doesn’t mean anything besides the fact that you find each other hot.
You start gyrating your body on Steve, he pants in your mouth and you use the opportunity to use your tongue and slide it into his mouth again his teeth asking for an invitation that Steve accepts as his tongue slides next to yours.
His body moves with yours, your hands goes into his hair instinctively and he whimpers. You slide your body up against his faster and pulls away to pant in his ear.
Steve moves his body next to your faster with his hands on your ass urging you to move faster and you match his tempo.
‘Oh fuck. Oh fuck,ohh fuck’ Steve pants his forehead is resting next to yours until you both come apart.
You stay in his lap for a moment before sliding off and sitting next to him. His hand holds onto yours gently and you give it a squeeze.
‘Wow! That was-‘
‘Yeah it definitely was’ you agree as you try to catch your breath.
You stay next to him for a while until your breathing steadies, you lean in and peck his lips.
‘Thank you’ you say as you get up and walk out the front door. Steve doesn’t follow you.
~
You don’t talk about it, you don’t label what you are to each other, you’re the one who always seek him out, sometimes you’re having steamy makeout sessions that leave you wanting more, other times you go further- anything from dry humping, handjobs, fingering- which fyi Steve knows how to use his fingers perfectly.
You notice that Steve’s parents are never actually around, he’d alone in his big empty house. Must be lonely.
You never go all the way and never get fully undressed around each other.
You wonder how long this will continue, it’s not like it will be a big fallout once this ends anyway.
Probably soon given the fact that you see Steve goes on dates with pretty girls, the type you can take have a future with, the smart preppy girls who will go to college and not work in a record shop for the rest of their careers. The types who will go places in life.
You don’t hang around in the same circles anyway, you don’t hang out with Robin, Jonathan or Nancy or the teens, you might have saved Hawkins from splitting open but that doesn’t make you friends. The only person your own age that you hang out with is Eddie.
Eddie who is healing up nicely with minimal permanent injuries, thank god.
you are a month away from graduating high school and he’s already working in Family Video across the street from where you work.
You watch him pull up in his Beamer with Robin, of course he always looks immaculate with his perfectly styled hair, his stupid polos and his nice suede jacket.
He flashes the biggest smile at Robin and god does he look good when he smiles like that but then again he’s like a piece of artwork, always beautiful.
He glances towards the record store for a moment and you look down at your scribbles on the countertop.
Of course Eddie happens to be visiting you as it happens and he’s way too observant for his own good.
He looks out of the record shop and back to you. You don’t even have to look at him to know that’s what he’s doing. You have known Eddie your whole life at this point basically.
‘So how long has your thing with Steve been going on’
Eddie states. As if it’s a known fact. You want to ask him how he could possibly know that anything has been going on between you at all but Eddie knows you completely, he knows your tells, your facial expressions and your mood shifts.
Which should be scary but he knows you and he stays. He chooses to to stay even when you’re a mess which you are a lot of the time.
It’s weird he’s calling him Steve and not Harrington but you know they have been friendly since everything with the upside down happened and that they still co parent Henderson. It’s still weird because the two of you used to make jokes about the jocks at Hawkins high, but then again he hasn’t been a student at Hawkins for a long time.
You’re not ready to really think about what the thing with Steve means. It’s too much. Too raw. Too open, like a gaping wound.
‘ What thing? There’s no thing’
Eddie raises his brows at you, he doesn’t buy whatever you’re trying to sell, not one bit.
‘So you wouldn’t mind if we head over to family video after your shift and rent a movie right?’
Eddie waggled his eyebrows at you suggestively and you fight the urge to hit him with the nearest record but flip him off instead.
‘Ahh right, so there definitely is something going on’
You roll your eyes at him, he really does know you too well.
‘We may or may not have hooked up a few times’ you mumble
‘What way that? I didn’t quite hear you ‘ Eddie puts his hand up to his ear
You look around the store but it’s pretty vacant besides maybe one or two people browsing further away from you and Eddie.
‘ we are kinda hooking up! ‘
Eddie gives you a knowing smile, that little shit. You shove him playfully.
‘So how long have you been ‘kinda’ hooking up’
‘Since the upside down ‘ you sheepishly add as you scratch the nape of your neck.
There’s complete silence for once which you’re not used to at all, Eddie is anything but silent hell you wonder if that word is a part of his vocabulary.
You look back at him and he’s looking at you with a sympathetic look in his doe eyes.
‘Don’t.’ You warn weakly but it’s no use.
‘How often do you see each other?’ He reaches over and gently pat your shoulder.
‘At least once a week’ you admit, you feel fragile and weak.
You are the only one that seeks him out so it doesn’t mean anything. It can’t mean anything.
‘ and are you happy with the current state of things or do you want more?’
You can’t want more, you know that. People like Steve - privileged, rich, good looking and charming people did not settle for someone like you, you were messy even on a good day, head’s all over the place, you have a dead end job with shitty pay just so you can save up and leave buttfuck Hawkins. You’re unsure if college is even in your future.
Hell you’re not even the type he goes for! Steve like pretty girls who are sharp and successful in comparison you’re alternative, all over the place, too much and not book smart, you do alright in school when you can focus but it doesn’t simulate your senses.
‘I can’t want more… our worlds doesn’t even mix and I’m trailer trash!’
Eddie furrowed his eyebrows and crossed his hands over his arms in disbelief.
‘ if you’re trailer trash what am I’
‘You don’t live in a trailer park anymore! Besides it’s different! Even if I hypothetically wanted more from him it would be a moot point okay! People like Steve Harrington doesn’t go for people like me’
Your dad left when you were 3 and your mum had turned to alcohol as a coping mechanism, she drank herself into an early grave which meant you grew up with your aunt in the trailer park in a trailer that used to be next to Eddie’s trailer but Eddie had received hush money from the government after his run in with the upside down and his name had been cleared.
He had moved into a nice house with his uncle Wayne.
You loved living with your aunt you really did but you had been bullied relentlessly for being ‘trailer trash’ since you started Hawkins high school.
You knew people looked down on you and you wanted not to give two shits but when you were reminded daily of how lowly people think of you it was hard.
‘First of all Steve would be lucky to date someone like you! Second of all he’s changed y/n! He’s not some douchey jock anymore!’
You knew that deep down, you had seen how gentle and sweet he was with the kiddos, how sweet his friendship was with Robin which you remember she had called platonic with a capital P at some point during your misadventures with the upside down but you could have sworn it was for Nancy’s benefit.
‘I know! But I’m all over the place! My head is never quiet! I work a dead end job, I have no goals and I have nothing to offer him!’ Your voice wavers, your hands shake and your heart is beating incredibly fast.
‘Y/n…’
‘I’m too much! If he really knew me he would run away ‘
You remember all the times your mum had had way too much to drink and her words had slurred.
‘You made him leave me! You were and have always been too much!’
It’s something you carry with you and every relationship you have tried to have people have made you feel like you were too much. Too hard to love.
So surely Steve would take one look at you and realize you were not worth it. That you were too much for him too.
Eddie pulls you into his arms gently and shushes you. Oh. You hadn’t even realized you cheeks were wet.
~
It’s your day off so you’re in sweats and a hoodie, your hair is a mess and you’re not wearing your usual makeup today.
Your aunt is at work so you’re just enjoying the silence.
When there’s a knock at your trailer door you wonder if Eddie’s dropped by thing is he doesn’t knock as he has his own key and he usually call before he comes over.
You open the door and spot Steve. Steve freaking Harrington is at your trailer door what the hell
You take in his features, his hair is unruly, he has bags under his eyes and he looks exhausted.
‘Hi’ he says softly almost as if he’s unsure if he’s welcome here.
‘Hi’ you greet him and grab his arm and lead him into your trailer and into your room.
You sit down on your bed and Steve sits down next to you.
Neither of you makes a move this time, you don’t think this is what Steve needs right now, something clearly happened.
You don’t ask him what’s wrong, you just put a pillow in your lap and gestures for Steve to lay his head on your lap and he does just that.
You run your fingers through his hair slowly to soothe him and it seems to work perfectly.
‘I’m sorry to just show up unexpectedly’
Your hands are still in his hair and he leans into the touch.
‘ You don’t have to be sorry.. do you want to talk about it?’
He shakes his head slowly.
‘Okay no worries.. I guess I’m just surprised you came to me? Why? Why not Robin? Or like whoever you’re currently dating? Or Nancy? Or -‘
‘I feel safe with you. Listen if it’s too much I can go-‘ Steve starts ranting clearly nervous
‘Don’t be silly, of course you can stay! You can stay as long as you like ‘
Eventually you end up next to him on your bed, you’re just looking at him, taking it all in- his golden eyes, his cute little nose, his moles and his plush lips.
You look at him and he’s staring down at your lips, not hungrily for once more desperately as if he’s in need of not feeling anything at all.
It’s him who leans in this time and you look back up at him, search his eyes and you’re about to ask if he’s sure when he beats you to it.
‘Can I ? I want you… I need you.. please ‘
There’s so much trust and vulnerability in his gaze as you smile at him and lean in to meet his lips.
The kiss is slow and gentle this time, you kiss him as if you have all the time in the world.
When you break apart you kiss down his neck and he moans. You make sure he’s comfortable before you slide down to his lap, and look up at him through your lashes. He’s looking back at you with so much want in his eyes.
You go towards his the hem of his sweat pants but you feel his hands on top of yours.
‘We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to ‘ Steve reassures you which melts a part of your heart into a puddle. You will have to have a freak out over it later, right now you want to take care of him and make him feel good.
Your hands squeeze his reassuringly.
‘I know. I trust you. Let me make you feel good ‘
Let me take care of you. I want to take care of you
You pull his sweats down to his ankles and afterwards you pull his underwear down as well. Steve’s already leaking with precum, as his member spring out of his underwear and against his stomach.
You stare at it for a minute, you’ve seen it before, it’s so beautiful - long and thick, with lots of foreskin and moles and your mouth is slightly watering as you look up at Steve who is staring down at you and panting slightly, you haven’t even touched him yet.
You remind eye contact as you kiss along both of his thighs before kissing down his shaft which earns you a soft oh fuck from Steve.
You slide your mouth down his length and take in as much as you can, you’ve cover the rest of his length with your left hand before covering his balls with your right hand.
‘Fuck fuck fuckkk’ Steve gasps as his hands hold onto the bed.
You start working your mouth up and down his length and your hand follows the rhythm.
Steve’s gaze is locked on yours as you keep moving up and down his length and he whimpers.
At one point you pull your mouth off with a wet pop to catch your breath. You work your hand up and down with a firm grip while still fumbling his balls.
‘ you look all beautiful like this’
Steve whimpers and pants harder, it’s such a turn on how reactive he is as you touch him. You love how he responds to praises as well.
You’re such a good boy for me, aren’t you Stevie?’
‘Fuck! Shit! ‘
Your mouth goes down his length once again this time at a faster pace. Feel one of Steve’s hands in your hair just holding on for support.
‘Can I’ Steve gestures to his hand holding your head a bit further and you nod up at him encouragingly.
Your pace quickens as Steve puts more pressure on the back of your head.
‘I’m close y/n! I’m so close you might want to get off-‘
You look him in the eye and keep going as fast as you can.
‘Fuck! Oh my god y/n you feel so fucking good like this’ Steve babbles as he’s finishing down your throat, you swallow everything before slowly letting go of his length.
You crawl back up and lay next to him, he leans in and kisses you not caring one bit that you just had his length in your mouth which is oh so fucking hot.
‘Do you want me to repay the favour?’
It’s your turn to lean in and kiss him now before you shake your head. This was about making him feel good and taking care of him. He pull his underwear and sweats back on.
You both spend the next while just laying next to each other, Steve’s hand caresses your face gently and you lean into the touch.
After a while Steve’s brows furrow slightly, he must be so used to you leaving as soon as you’re done fooling around that he sits up but before he can leave the bed your hand finds his and you squeeze it gently.
‘Stay’
‘I don’t have to-‘
‘I want you to… what do you want to do?‘ you confess. It’s raw and you brace yourself for the initial rejection.
Of course he doesn’t want to stay when it’s not something that you do-
‘I don’t want to leave ‘
Steve gives you such an intense and intimate look as he lays back down next to you and you lean in and peck his cheek before pulling him into your embrace.
He lays his head against your chest as his hands find your waist and hold you close. Your hands find his hair and you run your fingers through it again
~
The next time you go to his it’s because you just want to see him.
You can’t stop thinking of him and how nice the last time was. How much you enjoyed taking care of him, you liked that out of everyone he could have gone to he chose you, because he trusted you.
As Steve opens the door he greets you with the most stunning smile that lights up his face beautifully. His eyes are shining in the sunlight. It’s middle of July and there’s two weeks time before you finally graduate school.
You smile back at him as you go inside his house.
The two of you end up watching the breakfast club on Steve’s couch and you’re practically in his lap the whole movie thinking about how you’re ready to go all the way with him if he wants to.
You end up talking a lot for the first time ever and you are more similar than you expected, you’re both fiercely protective over your loved ones, like the same movies and some of the same bands.
He’s gentle, kind and it makes you want things you know you can’t have.
You push the thoughts away for now. You can freak out later.
Once the movie is finished you turn around and look at Steve.
You lean in and kiss him without hesitation and he enthusiastically kiss you back, kissing turns into making out, making out turns into grinding.
You stop your movements and Steve looks at you worriedly for a moment.
‘ I want to see you fully unclothed’
Steve reaches for your hand and intertwines it with your.
‘ yeah? ‘
‘Yeah. I’m ready to go further.’ You nod happily
Steve leads you upstairs, your hands still intertwined together.
He pulls at the hem of your T-shirt nervously as if he isn’t sure he’s allowed. Your hands are on his as you held him take your T-shirt off. You’re bare underneath and your chest is on full display and Steve is staring at you in disbelief.
‘You’re so beautiful ‘ he states matter of factly.
You can feel yourself blushing as you held Steve take his shirt off. You help him get out of his trousers and underwear and he does the same for you.
You gently trace his scars on his body, he looks away clearly embarrassed, you lean into his space and hold his chin.
‘You look gorgeous, wounds and all ‘ you try reassuring him but he doesn’t buy it.
‘You don’t have to lie, I know what I look like ‘
You can’t believe that Steve fucking Harrington thinks scars make him look bad. They are a proof of him ripping a bats head off and fighting for his life, in your opinion that’s badass.
You’re still tracing his scars ever so gently before you lean in to kiss them, first you trail along his throat and down his abdomen.
‘We all have scars Steve, some are external and others are internal. It’s part of living. When I say you’re gorgeous I mean it, you look good with messy hair and stupid polos, you look good with scars and moles. You look good as you are. Always’
You feel like maybe you have gone to far as Steve is staring at you intensely, part of your want to look away and run, it feels like too much.
You’re too much, you always have been!
You hear your mothers voice in your head reminding you that you will never be enough.
Before you can back away Steve leans in close to you and crash his lips into yours, his hands are in your hair for a change and he’s pulling it gently, it’s like he’s trying to show you how special you are to him with his actions alone.
He spends ages mapping out your body with his lips and his tongue, you bite his shoulder gently, scratch his back in return and calls him a good boy which makes him whimper oh so deliciously.
Once he pulls his length into you he takes his time making sure you feel every pleasure he has to offer you, you cling to his body as you both reach climax. Afterwards he lays next to you, just holding on to you for what feels like ages. You let yourself be held as if you’re something precious to him.
It all goes well until you’re both close to sleep and Steve mumbles sweetly next to you.
‘I want this to be real. I want this to matter to you as much as it does to me’
It’s everything you wanted to hear, it should calm you, it should make you feel so happy but it has the opposite effect - It knocks the wind out of you and feels like a bucket of ice water being poured over you all at once.
There’s a pit in your stomach, it was so much easier deluding yourself when you were sure he wouldn’t like you back. Now? Now! It’s all too much, you feel like you can’t breathe, your stomach is all in knots.
You wait until you can hear him faintly snoring next to you before you untangle yourself from him.
You get off the bed and get dressed as quickly as possible, you need to get out, you need to get out right now.
You leave a note on his nightstand saying you have an early shift tomorrow and sadly have to go.
You feel bad for lying, it kills you to leave him, you feel the tears falling down your face as you rush down the stairs, you put on your jacket and shoes and rush out the door.
~
You spend the next few days in your room crying your eyes out, Steve at the very least has a crush on you but you know You’re too much. You’re too much. You’re too much.
He’s never going to love you.
If he knew the real you he wouldn’t stick around, no one but Eddie really has, that’s why you don’t have a lot of friends that’s why you don’t go on date anymore because you tried that out for a while but you were constantly rejected for being too much, too loud, too messy and too emotional.
You doubt that’s ever going to change and it’s better to cut your losses now before Steve realizes and breaks your heart.
Steve will be fine, whatever crush he has on you will fade fast and he will be back to dating stunning woman in no time, he’s a catch so he’ll find someone worthy of him.
Your aunt has to remind you to make sure you eat and stay hydrated.
By the third day Eddie shows up without calling you which means that he must be so concerned about you.
‘What is going on!! I’ve been calling you for the last few days y/n!’
Any heat he feels dies out when he takes in your appearance, your hair is more unruly than ever, your makeup is smeared down your eyes from crying and your clothes are baggy.
‘Seriously what is going on?’ Eddie asks softer this time as he pulls you into a hug and you burry your head in his shoulder and starts sobbing as you tell him everything that’s happened this last month with you and Steve.
Once you’ve stopped crying Eddie and you sit on the couch together.
‘What did you tell me before we jumped off the boat at lovers lake?’
Eddie asks you and give you a serious look.
That we face things headfirst.. unless there’s too much danger ahead then we run’ you parrot back your own words from four ish months ago.
‘ is there danger ahead of you?’ Eddie raises his brows at you.
You don’t know to be honest, most times when people think they are safe they are actually not.
‘I mean technically? Yeah! If I tell him how much I like him and we become something real then he’s going to realise that I’m not enough or too much’
It’s what always happens, it doesn’t matter how much someone claims to like you.. they never stay.. they never choose you.
Eddie looks like he’s deep in thought for a long moment before he speaks.
‘I didn’t say anything because I didn’t think it is my place but Steve’s crazy about you!’
‘So were the last few people I dated until suddenly I was too vulnerable! Or too sensitive! And then they left. All. Of.them!’ You know you’re being unreasonable stubborn right now but you haven’t been so scared in a long time.
People always liked you until someone newer, better and more shiny came along, someone who wasn’t as damaged as you.
You know that’s an unfair assumption to make when you haven’t actually given him the chance, right?’
You cross your arms in front of your chest and look away from him.
‘I’m scared okay! I’m terrified! Everyone I ever cared about besides you and my aunt has either left or told me I’m a defect! It stays with you, it lingers!’
Eddie sighs dramatically before putting his hands on your shoulder.
‘I understand. You know I do but you could have something real with him… you owe it to yourself and him to take that chance ‘
You look at him for a moment with a fearful expression, you just don’t know if it’s worth the risk.
~
You spend the next week thinking over Eddie’s advice and the fear stops you reaching from reaching out. Steve is better off this way.
You spot Steve driving into Family videos parking lot with Robin, as he gets out of the car you spot how tired he looks from afar, it hurts you more than you feel like you’re allowed to, after all this is probably because of you.
The last thing you wanted was to hurt him. You suppose it doesn’t matter now, the damage is done.
You struggle getting through your shift, the record store is fairly vacant most of the day which has you staring over at Family Video solemnly, you’re practically breaking your own heart ad you’re staying away.
It’s for the best but god it hurts.
You start shutting down the store when there’s a quiet knock at the door that you don’t hear at first as you’re putting records back in the right places. The knock gets louder and you turn around and see Steve standing outside the shop, it’s raining slightly and he looks like a kicked puppy looking at you through the glass.
Part of you wants to run and pretend this isn’t happening the other part aches at seeing Steve like this.
we face things headfirst
You can let him in right? Give him closure? Or at least end things gently… You feel like you owe him that much.
You open the door slowly, your hands are shaking.
You’re too much
He walk into the store and you lock the door after you.
‘Did I cross a line or something?’ Steve asks worriedly as he starts pacing around the store. The anxiety dripping off of him.
‘What? No! You didn’t do anything wrong ‘ you admit as you sit on the counter and pat the spot next to you which Steve ignores as he keeps pacing.
‘I thought things were going well between us.. that the last tho ‘hook ups’ were different… I don’t understand‘
This is your out if you want it. You could lie and say that you don’t feel anything for him but you know you can’t bring yourself to do it.
‘Steve… you didn’t do anything ‘
‘Bullshit! I must have done something wrong because you were all sweet and open with me and then suddenly you just leave in the middle of the night like what we shared didn’t mean anything to you … Was I too clingy? Too needy? Not good enough?? Please..Tell me.. ‘ Steve rambles as he keeps pacing back and forth
You get up and stand in front of him which causes him to stop.
You gently caress his with your hands.
‘Listen to me. Okay?’
You think Steve is overwhelmed as he nods and swallow a lump in his throat.
‘I’m sorry I left like that. I was scared. You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s me. I’m the thing that’s wrong’
Steve opens his mouth to protest but shuts it again and you continue.
‘I was scared that if I stayed you would realise how messed up I am, I’m too much, too emotional, too all over the place. I’m still completely terrified because you deserve so much better than me’
Steve leans his forehead against yours.
‘I meant what I said that night. I don’t think you could ever be too much for me. You just have to trust me ‘
You search his face for reassurance, your forehead is still against his. He’s looking at you with nothing but adoration, it makes your heart melt.
‘ I want to. God do I want to, but I’m so scared’ you mumble softly.
‘ I’m scared too’ Steve admits
‘Why are you scared?’
‘Because I care about you so much. If anything I think you’re the one who can do better. I’m three concussions deep, working a dead end job and have no plans for my future ‘
You almost want to laugh, you never realized how much you actually have in common.
He’s just as scared as you, just as gentle as you and caring.
He also genuinely wants a future with you despite you falling apart around him, and him not thinking you’re too much. It’s truly a very strange feeling.
You realise that you do trust him. Every doubt you have had he has proven to you that there’s no reason to worry.
‘You also saved the kiddos how many times? You helped Robin crack a Russian code? Oh and you’re a total sweetheart.’
For the first time since you have begun hooking up he looks at you like you’re his whole fucking world.
His smile lights up his whole face, you realize you do want this and you trust him completely.
‘I’m in love with you ‘ He says as if it’s the easiest thing in the world.
‘I trust you. I want this. I’m in love with you too ‘
You lean in and kiss him softly and he kisses you back just as softly.
~
You spend the next few days talking through your worries with Steve. You lean on him and let him lean back on you when he needs it.
It’s sweet and tender, it’s easy, you fit into each other’s lives like puzzle pieces.
At graduation Steve cheers when your name gets called, you head to the stage in your forest green graduation robe, you blow him a kiss after you receive your diploma.
Once graduation is over Steve gives you a massive bouquet of
Red roses.
You peck him on the lips sweetly.
You love this man. You will love him for as long as he lets you.
