#lostchances

... life ... * * * #longroadtoruin #ThreeYearsApart #LostChances #landscape #lost #trees #life #methaphor #time #passingby #ordinary #littlethings #Moments (at Jesolo) https://www.instagram.com/p/BntIDOnBysd/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=18onn04zu0b4j

Maybe I just don’t want to hurt again.

Lost Smile

She almost jumped out of her skin at the sound bellowing up her stairs. Someone was pounding on her front door as if their life depending on it. No scratch that. They were apparently trying to destroy her apartment building by he sounds of the increased pounding. She turned off the faucet and even over the pounding she could hear the groaning of the ancient pipes as water came to a halt inside of them. It was really time to call her sup, putting it off the last 2 months hadn't helped. She dried her hands on the cream dish towel hanging on the kitchen rack in her small galley kitchen and proceeded to walk towards the incessant pounding, that hadn't stopped for a second. She screamed impatiently at her pending guest that she was on her way to relieve their distress at having to wait. The banging paused for a moment and began again just as quickly, and somehow even louder. She walked down the stairs of her second floor apartment ready to give this doorway assailant exactly what he was giving the poor front door, a face pounding. She ripped open the door mouth wide as she took a deep breath to begin the verbal portion of her assault. The person who stood before her stole her breath with as much force as she had used to secure it. Her heart fell out of her stomach at the sight of his lopsided mischievous grin. One that hadn't changed since the last time she had seen him 6 years ago. The grin that hadn't changed the entire 17 years she had known him. Paolo. Her best friend, confidant, biggest supporter, harshest critic, and a royal pain in the ass. As portrayed by the ass kicking he'd just given her front door. She fell silent and stared across the threshold. Afraid that if she moved she would wake up from this dream and be crushed at the thought of not seeing him in her doorway. His smile faltered, for such a split second that no one but her would have noticed. It took him all of 5 seconds to wrap her in his arms in a hug that said he'd missed her as much as she'd missed him these past 6 years. What're you doing here!!! She managed to grate out through his bone crushing hug. That's the first thing you say to me?! He said placing her down on her feet toes touching his as he looked directly into her eyes. His grin was still just below the surface as the left corner of his mouth twitched threatening to dismantle the look of hurt he was desperately trying to portray on his handsome face. It's better than what I was going to say of it hadn't been you standing at my door right now. She smiled up at him unable to pull off the tough guy face she had been going for. He really was here. Her Paolo was here. At her house. On her front porch. On her front porch! That's right it was February. It was cold. Really cold. Come in you ass, it's freezing. I thought you'd never ask. Their toes were still touching as they stood face to face. She looked up at him still in shock that he had flown thousands of miles to be here. Why? What had prompted his arrival? He was staring down at her as neither of them moved toward the open doorway. She hadn't realized she wasn't breathing till he placed his hand on her chest over her heart and she inhaled deeply. I can hear your heart beating. He said as he tapped his index finger in time with her rapidly beating heart. She hasn't noticed that either. What're you doing here? She asked. She was still staring into his liquid brown eyes. His gaze traveled to her red stained lips as he lifted the hand not over her heart to her chin, cupped it, and ran his thumb across the fullness of her bottom lip. He lifted his eyes back to hers and she inhaled deeply again catching scents of the frigid winter air, wet soil, and a smell she could only define as him. She waited. I'm here because..... He paused slightly, his eyes changing color from the deep chocolate brown they had been to a light chestnut... I want you to be my "best man." I'm getting married. Though neither of them had moved the entire world shifted around her seeming to have fallen into a thousand pieces. Just then she heard a small cough and someone clear their throat. A female someone. She moved her eyes slightly to the right just over his shoulder.

I had this whole class term with you and I could've told you how i felt.. I had SO MANY chances to do so this year, i had SO many chances to talk to you more, to spend time with you more, to get so much closer to you, to work our way up to being more then just friends.. Chances you were pretty much throwing at me one after another, chances that if I was so freaking shy i would've taken, but it always just gets in my way and i hate it. I mean I've been holding it in since freshman year, and i know you still feel the same way too by the way you treat me, the way you look at me, the way you always want be around me, but i'm just scared.. you'd make me soo nervous everytime we talked or spent time together. Or how'd you make my heart beat super fast when we'd be in class and i catch you looking at me. I don't know.. I just regret it so much now, but I swear to myself, if i get another chance with you, I will NOT eve give it a second thought and just take it. Cause it's been so long with this and i feel like it's more then just a crush.