#lonestarweek2020

“What are you even doing here?” TK winced; his eyes having adjusted to the faint illuminating rays around them well enough to see a very unimpressed single eyebrow lift. He recognized that look, because it was the same look the man standing in front of him gave to the crooks he caught when he called them out on their bullshit.

“That is the question, isn’t it? One that I should be asking, mind you, because if I didn’t know you any better, I would be calling in backup for a potential crime scene.” The figure said drily, eyes lowering to where a decently sized pit had been dug relatively deep in the ground.

The metallic part of the shovel that TK had been working with flashed its presence in the glimpses of light. There was a small mountain of already dug-up dirt right beside where TK was standing, and he was sure his face had to be smudged with debris and the gloves on his hands caked with soil.

“What does it look like I’m doing, Carlos? I accidentally killed a man and am currently getting rid of the evidence.” TK said without even so much as a blink, hand reaching for the shovel again to kick-start the process again. The hole should be deep enough, so why hadn’t it shown up yet?

“Oh, did you now?” Footsteps crunched against the dead leaves on the ground as the man walked closer, pausing to stand on the other side of the pit TK had dug to face him. “Then where’s the body?”

TK glanced up from his ministrations on the ground, eyes narrowing on the crossed arms that emphasized bulging biceps, a hip weighing slightly more than the other in a cocky stance. Placing the shovel beside him once more, TK leaned on the handle with one arm, a leg crossing over the other. He met the man’s gaze straight on, head tipping up in defiance.

“Did you know, that there are over 700 muscles in the human body? And it takes 784 of them to even attempt in hiding a body. No way am I going to waste them to drag an entire body out here, so obviously I chopped them into bite-sized pieces.” TK rolled his eyes, sending Carlos a ‘you get me?’ look as if they were discussing what they should have for dinner. Carlos didn’t even flinch.

“Did Mr. Carson get on your nerves again?” Carlos’ lips were twitching now, though his expression still completely stoic, and TK kind of hated police officers sometimes.  

Just sometimes.

He was quite fond of one of them all the other times.

“I swear, if he starts to call my very well maintained hair a wig one more time – “ TK scowled, stopping his hands at the last second from running a hand through his hair in frustration, remembering that the gloves were still caked in dirt and other glorious findings that used to be a part of the forest floor.

“Did you have to resort to murder though? I quite liked his pecan pies.” Carlos mused, uncrossing his arms and opting to place his hands on his hips, relaxing his stance. It was true – Mr. Carson made some of the best pecan pies in the city, but his mouth needed a filtration device when it came to everyday conversation.

“That’s because he doesn’t call your curls an unfortunate by-product of hair rollers. Then you might understand the pain.” TK muttered, not being able to glare at the object of his frustrations at the moment, so he opted to glare at the manmade hole separating them instead. Carlos chuckled, ducking his head so that he could meet TK’s gaze.

“Alright spill, what are you really doing here?” Carlos asked, his eyes now purely shining with curiosity, lips tipping into an endeared smile when TK pouted.

“You’ll laugh at me.” TK huffed, tearing his eyes away from Carlos’ unrelenting gaze, leaning forward to rest his forehead against the hand that was holding onto the handle of the shovel.

“Is the reason any worse than hiding a body? Because I really can’t think of anything worse if I’m being honest.” Carlos raised an eyebrow and was giving him that look again, but TK only chewed nervously on his lower lip.

“TK, I think whatever it is that landed you here, in the middle of the woods digging a very impressive hole at night grants an explanation.” Carlos’ tone had turned serious – border lining concern. TK turned his head to meet Carlos’ gaze once more, shoulders slumping in defeat at the ‘I can see right through you’ expression on his face.

Fine.

“A bone.” TK blurted, closing his eyes and cringing at the admission. When he opened his eyes to gauge Carlos’ reaction, he would have laughed at the dumbfounded expression he was currently donning if the situation had been in his favour.

“I’m sorry, come again?”

“I’m digging for a bone.”

“…”

“..?”

“I just – did you and Buttercup switch bodies without me knowing, or is this some sort of a feti – “

“Oh my god.” TK groaned, not even bothering with the filth on his gloves this time as he ran an exasperated hand down his face. “No, that’s gross, Carlos – no, I meant Buttercup was hiding one of his bones around here and forgot to dig it back up before we left. He was looking around the station for it, so I’m trying to find it.”

Carlos’ hand on his flashlight loosened, letting the object tumble to the ground, thankfully stopping before it fell into the pit in front of them.

Silence.

TK tightened his grip on the shovel’s handle, eyes darting over Carlos’ face to catch any sort of movement – a twitch of a muscle, a tip of the lips, a widening of the eyes.

Nothing.

The sun’s rays had almost completely settled down the horizon now, and pretty soon, the two men would be left with only their flashlights and each other to hopefully find their ways back to civilization.

If TK could somehow find a way to get Carlos to snap out of it first, that is.

“Are you telling me, that you’re out here on the brink of twilight, in the middle of nowhere, because you’re trying to find a doggy bone?”

Carlos’ words seemed to catch in his throat, and TK couldn’t really pinpoint what exactly it was that made his voice shake but pushed it aside as probably confusion. The firefighter met the cop’s gaze head-on, and in a completely serious tone, replied,

“…Yes?”

And Carlos lost it.

“I hope you know that I really, really hate you right now.” TK grumbled, glaring at the laughing figure of his boyfriend in front of him, bending down slightly to clutch at his stomach with whatever he found so hilarious about this situation.

Carlos’ bright laughter echoed in the clearing around them, probably scaring the birds that were also wondering what the fuck was up, but TK couldn’t find it in himself to even pretend to be mad.

His chest warmed in contrast to the cool tone of the evening - witnessing Carlos laughing as unabashedly as he was right now was a sight that will be forever ingrained in his memory.

“You – I just – TK, why didn’t you just bring Buttercup along? He has a sense of smell almost 40 times better than ours.” Carlos choked out, before going into another fit of laughter when TK’s eyes widened in realization.

Oh.

Damn, he hadn’t even considered that. He had seen Buttercup looking absolutely miserable at the station, whining pitifully for a toy he had lost, and TK hadn’t thought twice but to immediately come back here after shift.

The crew was going to have a field day when they heard about this.

“I probably should have just gone with trying to find a time capsule, huh?” TK knew his cheeks had to be on fire, and not the type that could be easily put out.

“Actually, the only time capsule located in Austin right now is the one below city hall. So, if you really had been digging that up before 2105, I honestly would have been even more concerned.” Carlos chuckled, ignoring his fallen flashlight on the ground between them.

The minimalized light surrounding them now cast a comforting glow in the shadow of darkness, the sun officially too tired of their game to stay any longer.

Suddenly, spots of blinking lights pictured before them, and TK shifted his gaze to follow, eyes shining in awe at whatever he was witnessing.

“Fireflies.”

TK turned to see that Carlos hadn’t even bothered to follow the blinking lights like TK had, instead, looking like there was nothing he would rather be looking at than the man standing in front of him.

“It’s actually rather rare to see them nowadays.” Carlos added softly, eyes trailing after the speckles of light, granting TK a moment to admire the stunning profile of a man who had not left his side since first coming into his life. The man who had somehow found him in the middle of the night even when he had a shift just hours before – tracked him to the middle of the woods and need no reason to stay other than to offer his company.

I love you.

“Guess we’re pretty lucky then.” TK opted to say instead, heart thumping wildly in his chest both at Carlos’ quiet ‘I am,’ and the three words currently echoing in his mind – the warmth of the feeling leaving a prickle of electricity along his skin.

The tiny flickers of light danced closer towards him, and TK grinned when a couple of them even swarmed around him for a while.

“Seems like they can’t resist a pretty face.” Carlos teased, laughing lightly when TK scoffed, offering a fond smile at the sparkles of light blinking in a rhythm only they knew.

“How’d you know where to find me, by the way?” TK asked, tilting his head in a silent question. Carlos sent him a wink.

“I followed the blood trail.” Carlos deadpanned, before snickering at TK’s unimpressed stare. “Okay, fine. I may or may not have tracked your phone’s GPS.” Carlos admitted sheepishly, eyes lowering to the ground beneath them. TK would be lying if he said he wasn’t a little impressed.

“Aw, I’m honoured. You used your fancy police equipment to find me.” TK batted his lashes playfully, and if Carlos hadn’t still been standing one pit apart from him, he was sure that comment would earn him a chastising shove.

“I was worried, when you didn’t answer your phone.” Carlos confessed quietly, and TK’s expression immediately softened. He had left his phone on silent and shoved it in his pocket when he had started digging, the device’s vibrations probably getting lost in the movement.

Eyes locking with Carlos’ once more, TK could make out a hint of fragility, an almost uncertain look that he instantly wanted to erase.

“Thank you…for being here.” TK matched Carlos’ answering grin with one of his own, immersing himself in the moment. It was probably his imagination, but it almost seemed like the light from the fireflies brightened around them, casting an ethereal glow in their pocket of intimacy.

“Next time you want to hide a body, hit me up first, okay?” Carlos’ grin suddenly turned teasing, and TK groaned, laughing dejectedly.

“You are never going to let me live this down, are you?”

“Absolutely not.”

Unbeknownst to the two men, the glowing flickers of light that had watched the entire exchange mustered all their strength to shine even brighter, giggling amongst themselves. Flying over their heads, they maneuvered themselves to create the shape of a heart, just as one of the men made his way over to the other, gathering him into his arms.

There were days that, when the sun showcased its brilliant glow beyond the horizon, Carlos woke up in tune to the new day, the sunlight offering an ethereal glow as the warmth kissed his skin. The comforter would be soft and pliant underneath his fingertips, flowing with the movement as he pushed it aside to sit up.

Spotlights would be created by the shining beams of light, waiting up with him calmly for the alarm to sound, which he would then turn off with the quick press of a button. The floorboards would mold to the shape of his bare feet, allowing him to soundlessly glide to the bathroom to clean up. The kitchen would then welcome him in, sunlight peeking through the gap between the curtains, enticing him towards the coffee machine. He would operate it effortlessly to produce a hot drink that would truly start to wake him up as he made breakfast to get the energy he needed to start his shift.

Even so, days that started with a simple rising of the sun, sometimes didn’t end with the moon graciously offering its light to allow the sun to cast their vivid rays across the other half of the Earth.

Instead of bathing the world with warmth, clouds would populate the sky to present a new dawn, one that did not allude a welcoming atmosphere.

His keys scraped against the lock, the object stubbornly refusing to slide into the allotted space smoothly, instead deciding to give Carlos a hard-felt battle of resistance as he tried, for the fifth time, to unlock his own damn door.

He then proceeded to trip over his own entranceway, feet getting caught in absolutely nothing causing him to grab at the wall to steady himself with a muffled curse. He didn’t really need any light to see where he was going – knowing the layout of his apartment like the back of his hand – but he still fumbled to find a light switch that seemed to have moved from its usual position on the wall.

The room was freezing, floorboards sending chills through the soles of his feet causing him to shiver. Forgoing trying to find the light switch, his gaze wandered to the kitchen that was too quiet, almost seeming to be taunting him about his lack of appetite. There was a haunting chill in the hallway leading to the bedroom, and Carlos barely registered the creaking of the floorboards underneath his weight as he carelessly climbed into bed. The comforter was cold to the touch, feeling heavy in his hands as he worked to climb underneath it, the weight encasing his body in a false sense of security. Closing his eyes, arms curling around himself to provide a warmth that didn’t exist, Carlos willed his body to succumb to a world where darkness fed on the deepest recesses of his mind.

Death had taken a little girl today.

He had stood on the sidelines, eyes watching a scene his brain had not caught up to, his senses too slow to respond – standing too far to respond – as an AC unit came toppling down and crushing the girl underneath it. The mother’s screams were a shrilling sound that couldn’t seem to stop echoing in his mind.

Carlos had been in that apartment, had been the one to answer to a complaint about a neighbour that just would not comply with safe placements of household appliances. And even through his many warnings, along with the many others from officers responding to the same complaint on different days, today was the one in a million where something went wrong.

And he couldn’t do anything.

The man had immediately been arrested, this time the police needing no more reason to slap on handcuffs that should have been on those wrists since the first complaint. The scene left a bitter taste on his tongue, as he had watched the man’s head being shoved into the back of a squad car.

Out of everything, it had taken a little girl’s life to cause enough reason for the punishment of an action that shouldn’t have happened in the first place. The man would be getting time in prison, while an innocent child would never again see the light of dawn announcing a new day.

Weighed down by dread, his limbs cried the tears he couldn’t as he lifted the comforter tighter around him, burrowing his nose into the pillow to seek for any source of warmth. There was no clock in the bedroom scarce his phone, thankfully leaving him devoid of its rhythmic ticking.

The rest of Carlos’ shift had gone by in a blur, the flashback of the tiny body being covered by a white sheet in stark contrast with the blood pooling on the pavement making his gut twist painfully. His partner had also been unnaturally quiet, not picking up the usual banter the two often shared between calls.

Carlos’s entire body felt like lead lying on the same sheets that had felt so warm just that morning, now turned frigid as if mourning with him about another life he could not save. Time was merciless – passing by in a manner that he could not quantify, not knowing whether he’d been lying in an exhaustedly restless state for minutes, or maybe hours.

Head swimming with images that only spread further anguish through his veins, Carlos knew that sleep would not come easy tonight. The life of a first responder never gets any easier, and there were some days that caused a sleepless repose in the sheets, physically at rest but mentally in pain. Tomorrow would be a new day, and Carlos would just have to accept the newly added weight on his shoulders and acknowledge that time does not stop to grant healing for the scalding ail of grief.  

Through the muffled pieces of the world Carlos could vaguely make out in the dim lighting of his bedroom, his fingers suddenly twitched in apprehension when rustling noises sounded from his living room.

There were only a handful of people that had the key to his place, and only one who could have heard about what happened and would be paying him a visit.

His body a mere dead weight, Carlos forced himself to roll out of his comforter cocoon that depicted only an illusion of console, feet padding against cold floorboards once more to head towards the living room. Unlike when he first came in, the lights were on, and a familiar figure lifted his gaze from where he had been staring down two mugs of…something, to offer him a small smile.  

“Hey.” TK said softly, his voice quiet, but a welcome sound penetrating through the silence Carlos had secluded himself in. The firefighter made his way to him slowly, hands twitching as if wanting to reach out, but held back at the last second.

“I made some tea. Lemon balm. Would you like a cup?” TK asked, eyes gentle and devoid of judgment at Carlos’ rumpled nature. His hair had to be sticking in every direction from him not bothering to fix it when rolling out of bed, but TK didn’t seem the least bit fazed.

Looking at the openness to his expression, his green eyes staring at him unblinkingly - patiently awaiting his next move, Carlos felt his throat closing at the wave of emotion hitting him at full swing.

Oh.

“Yeah. Tea sounds...sounds good.” It goes to show how out of it he really is when Carlos didn’t even recognize the sound of his own voice. Wincing at how small and shallow it sounded, Carlos opened his mouth to apologize, explain, say something, but TK only gave him a comforting nod and gestured to the couch.

“I’ll bring it over – you go and make yourself comfortable.”

Carlos’ legs worked on autopilot after that, dragging the rest of his body towards the couch. He sank into the soft cushions, shoulders hunching at the invisible weight he didn’t bother to hide now, and that had already piled on without him knowing.

A whiff of something tangy invaded his senses, and Carlos looked up to see TK standing in front of him holding out his favourite mug, labelled ‘eat more hole foods’ with a picture of a donut that had been a gift from Michelle the day he came out to her. The mug pulled out a hint of a smile at the memory, before it faded.

Accepting the hot drink that still had steam rising with the unmistakable scent of lemons, Carlos pressed the palms of his hands against the heat protruding through the porcelain. He didn’t bother removing his hands when the heat started to burn, giving him a welcome tether to the real world.

“It’s my mother’s favourite, the tea. She was always drinking loads of the stuff, claiming it gave her a sense of peace after hours in the courtroom.” TK spoke quietly, and Carlos vaguely registered him taking a seat on the coffee table in front of him, their knees just shy of brushing against one another.

Carlos raised the mug to his lips, carefully taking a small sip. He was immediately greeted with a sharp tang of bitterness, a taste that wasn’t normally accustomed to this type of tea. He couldn’t hold back a wince, nose scrunching up at the bitter taste that slowly faded away after he swallowed, leaving him to stare at the mug in bewilderment. A light titter of laughter ringed in his ears, and Carlos looked up to see TK watching him fondly.

“I may have steeped it a little longer than necessary to give it a kick. Did it work?” TK smiled, lifting his own mug to take a sip of his own cup of tea. Carlos had half a mind to wonder why TK hadn’t recoiled at the taste like he did, and was about to ask, ‘did what work?’ but the words got caught in his throat.

The ache in his chest from earlier, had receded into a dull throb. Blinking away the mist that clouded his gaze, Carlos lifted his mug again, taking a longer sip - this time welcoming the sharp bitterness on his tongue.

The glow from the lights TK had decided to turn on cast a comforting shadow around them, encasing them in a secure bubble of space filled with two mugs of relaxing tea – and one heart carefully cradling another.

The onslaught of feelings he had pushed to the side from earlier cascaded out in a trickle, starting with a stray tear slipping down Carlos’ cheeks. He reached out his fingers to brush against TK’s arm carefully, unsure whether his touch was warranted. Without missing a second, TK placed both their mugs off to the side, getting up from the coffee table to step into Carlos’ arms.

Carlos didn’t waste any more time in wrapping his arms around the other man’s waist, burrowing his face into the soft fabric of TK’s shirt near his stomach. His legs widened their stance to fit TK in between them, his arms tightening around the solid warmth. Carlos shivered as fingers gently sifted through the soft hairs at the nape of his neck, feeling a hand splayed on the muscles of his back, thumb moving in slow circles in an offer of silent solace.

They stayed there, in the built comfort of the living room for a long time. TK hadn’t so much as mentioned why he had decided to come over, solely content in giving what Carlos was willing to take, and never once questioned why.

Slowly but surely, the ice began to thaw in his chest. The living room no longer felt absent and cold, the floorboards turning palpable and grounding, the soft material of the shirt he had buried his face in soaking up his tears in a gentle caress.

Carlos tipped his head up, red-rimmed eyes meeting TK’s gentle ones, sighing softly as the hand that had been running continually through his hair moved to cradle his face, the thumb running along the ridge just underneath his left eye. Carlos leaned into the touch.

“Will you stay?” Carlos whispered hoarsely, hesitantly, giving TK an out if he didn’t want to. It was a little silly, having these kinds of thoughts now. But the day’s events were still raw, and if TK had better things to do than stay with his bleak stature, Carlos would never blame him.

Seeming to understand where his thoughts were going, TK leaned down to press their foreheads together, green eyes filled with nothing but affection as they bore into brown orbs that had lost their usual light.

“Always, Carlos.” TK murmured. Carlos closed his eyes, relishing in the small spark of warmth starting to build in his chest at the words.