#summerfiing

“It can’t be that good,” Carlos says, teasing as they come to a stop near the curb, waiting for traffic to clear.

TK gives him a look. “It’s terrible, which makes it amazing. And now I know what our next date night is.”

“I’d love that,” Carlos admits, because it’s true. Now he feels inexplicably warm at the ease and excitement with which TK talks about future dates. They’d gone on one officially, after talking things through and deciding to give an actual relationship a chance, and it’d been a simple night in at Carlos’ place because TK was still on strict orders from his doctor to not burst his stitches. Again. And now today has truly solidified the fact that Carlos really likes TK, especially as he gets to know him better. Honestly, he probably likes him a stupid amount. And the way that TK talks about the fact that they're going to have a future together with such sureness and certainty makes Carlos almost feel giddy.

That feeling starts to dry up a bit, though, as they get closer to the non-descript restaurant that they’d be meeting TK’s team in within minutes. He takes a shaky breath because while he knows most of the 126 and gets along with them all, this will be the first time that TK’s making it clear that they’re together. In public, without any reservations.

“Hey,” TK says, voice dropped down as they linger outside, near the door. He grips Carlos’ hand in his and threads their fingers together. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Carlos tries to assure him that he is, he’s just a little caught up in his head. The team likes him, he knows, but what if they’re hesitant about him and TK dating? He’s heard of stranger things happening. “I just hope that they’re cool with us, you know?”

“Aw, I know that they can be a little much, but they love you,” TK says, swiping his thumb across Carlos’ knuckles. A mischievous smile pulls at the corner of his mouth, as he pulls Carlos closer so they’re practically chest-to-chest. “Don’t worry, babe. I won’t let anyone hurt you, you’re safe with me.”

Carlos rolls his eyes at TK’s teasing voice. TK just grins, before he curls one arm around Carlos’ neck. TK kisses him, barely a quick press of his lips as a reassurance before he continues: “I’m serious. I’m sure about this, about you — that’s all that matters. Not that you’ll have to worry, because I think they love you more than me sometimes.”

“No way,” Carlos mutters, pressing his thumb to the corner of TK’s mouth, just dazed at him in the situation. TK shrugs and tilts his chin up, and Carlos doesn’t have to be told twice, ducking down to kiss him properly. “If it counts, I’m sure about you, too.”

“Sap,” TK grins, kissing him twice in quick succession before he pulls back, directing them back toward the entrance of the restaurant. “Ready?”

Carlos nods, and immediately feels some pressure ease up when he sees just how low-key the place is. There’s a dining room with low lighting, but most of the space is occupied by a bar. A band is playing oldies in the corner and Judd’s loud voice summons them over to the three tables they’re occupying. Carlos shakes his head at his past worry because how could he ever think these people wouldn’t welcome him with open arms, even as TK’s boyfriend?

He settles an arm over TK’s shoulders, and he takes the small moment they have before they reach the group to meet his gaze. TK nudges him a little, giving him that private smile of his, reaching up and squeezing his hand that hovers subconsciously over TK’s fading scar.

“Hey, lover boys, are you going to join us or what?” Paul calls out, a few of the others joining in with their own elevated voices. TK grins and holds up one finger to his friends — their friends — before pulling Carlos toward the bar.

“Mineral water, please,” TK says, flashing a smile to the bartender. She nods and moves her gaze toward Carlos.

“And you, doll?” She asks, already filling a glass with ice. Her grey hair is intricately braided atop her head and she offers him a motherly smile.

“I’ll have the same,” Carlos returns her smile and pulls out his wallet. TK gives him a look, and Carlos shrugs. “What?”

“I don’t mind if you drink around me, you know,” TK says, and Carlos takes his hand and gives him a comforting squeeze.

“I know, I just want you to be comfortable,” Carlos explains, before he echoes TK as they thank the bartender, turning in unison as they start toward the tables in the back. “Besides, I want to be grounded and be here for you. I don't need to drink to have fun with you.”

TK gives him a soft smile, and something flashes in his eyes that tells Carlos that nobody’s done this for him before. It breaks him a little, deep in his core, and TK smiles as he bites at the end of his straw. Carlos pulls him close, both of them anchoring one another as they take their place at the table, wedged between Marjan and Owen.

They talk for what seems like hours, all sharing stories of their craziest calls. Carlos immediately feels brought into the fold, even more than before when he just knew the crew from brief encounters in the bar or responding to the same emergencies. He throws the same teasing jokes around that the others do, and TK keeps him in the loop when the conversation turns to something that’s going on in the inner-workings of the 126. After a while, Carlos is happy to just sit back and watch them as they speak over each other and seem to have many side-conversations, resembling a family more and more with every passing moment.

“You know, you’re good for him,” Judd says, when they’ve both drawn the short stick and have been sent off to order the next round of drinks.

“Thanks, man,” Carlos stares down at the bar for a second, before meeting the taller man’s eyes. “I think he’s really good for me, too.”

The corner of Judd’s mouth turns up. “Damn straight.”

By the end of the night, TK’s been absentmindedly rubbing his thumb over Carlos’ knuckles for nearly half an hour, just constantly seeking out some form of touch. They get lost in each other’s eyes, a couple of times, and someone makes a comment about their mushiness and lovesickness but Carlos brushes it off because he’s pretty sure he’s never felt about anyone like this before.

Even more than before, Carlos feels sure in himself both in this relationship and amongst the team, and when TK presses his back against Carlos' chest he's quick to throw an arm around his boyfriend. When he feels the other man let out a soft sound and settle against him, Carlos presses a kiss to his temple, smiling against his hair as they wrap themselves up in one another, TK punctuating it all with a kiss to Carlos' knuckles, practically wrapping their night up in a bow.

There were days that, when the sun showcased its brilliant glow beyond the horizon, Carlos woke up in tune to the new day, the sunlight offering an ethereal glow as the warmth kissed his skin. The comforter would be soft and pliant underneath his fingertips, flowing with the movement as he pushed it aside to sit up.

Spotlights would be created by the shining beams of light, waiting up with him calmly for the alarm to sound, which he would then turn off with the quick press of a button. The floorboards would mold to the shape of his bare feet, allowing him to soundlessly glide to the bathroom to clean up. The kitchen would then welcome him in, sunlight peeking through the gap between the curtains, enticing him towards the coffee machine. He would operate it effortlessly to produce a hot drink that would truly start to wake him up as he made breakfast to get the energy he needed to start his shift.

Even so, days that started with a simple rising of the sun, sometimes didn’t end with the moon graciously offering its light to allow the sun to cast their vivid rays across the other half of the Earth.

Instead of bathing the world with warmth, clouds would populate the sky to present a new dawn, one that did not allude a welcoming atmosphere.

His keys scraped against the lock, the object stubbornly refusing to slide into the allotted space smoothly, instead deciding to give Carlos a hard-felt battle of resistance as he tried, for the fifth time, to unlock his own damn door.

He then proceeded to trip over his own entranceway, feet getting caught in absolutely nothing causing him to grab at the wall to steady himself with a muffled curse. He didn’t really need any light to see where he was going – knowing the layout of his apartment like the back of his hand – but he still fumbled to find a light switch that seemed to have moved from its usual position on the wall.

The room was freezing, floorboards sending chills through the soles of his feet causing him to shiver. Forgoing trying to find the light switch, his gaze wandered to the kitchen that was too quiet, almost seeming to be taunting him about his lack of appetite. There was a haunting chill in the hallway leading to the bedroom, and Carlos barely registered the creaking of the floorboards underneath his weight as he carelessly climbed into bed. The comforter was cold to the touch, feeling heavy in his hands as he worked to climb underneath it, the weight encasing his body in a false sense of security. Closing his eyes, arms curling around himself to provide a warmth that didn’t exist, Carlos willed his body to succumb to a world where darkness fed on the deepest recesses of his mind.

Death had taken a little girl today.

He had stood on the sidelines, eyes watching a scene his brain had not caught up to, his senses too slow to respond – standing too far to respond – as an AC unit came toppling down and crushing the girl underneath it. The mother’s screams were a shrilling sound that couldn’t seem to stop echoing in his mind.

Carlos had been in that apartment, had been the one to answer to a complaint about a neighbour that just would not comply with safe placements of household appliances. And even through his many warnings, along with the many others from officers responding to the same complaint on different days, today was the one in a million where something went wrong.

And he couldn’t do anything.

The man had immediately been arrested, this time the police needing no more reason to slap on handcuffs that should have been on those wrists since the first complaint. The scene left a bitter taste on his tongue, as he had watched the man’s head being shoved into the back of a squad car.

Out of everything, it had taken a little girl’s life to cause enough reason for the punishment of an action that shouldn’t have happened in the first place. The man would be getting time in prison, while an innocent child would never again see the light of dawn announcing a new day.

Weighed down by dread, his limbs cried the tears he couldn’t as he lifted the comforter tighter around him, burrowing his nose into the pillow to seek for any source of warmth. There was no clock in the bedroom scarce his phone, thankfully leaving him devoid of its rhythmic ticking.

The rest of Carlos’ shift had gone by in a blur, the flashback of the tiny body being covered by a white sheet in stark contrast with the blood pooling on the pavement making his gut twist painfully. His partner had also been unnaturally quiet, not picking up the usual banter the two often shared between calls.

Carlos’s entire body felt like lead lying on the same sheets that had felt so warm just that morning, now turned frigid as if mourning with him about another life he could not save. Time was merciless – passing by in a manner that he could not quantify, not knowing whether he’d been lying in an exhaustedly restless state for minutes, or maybe hours.

Head swimming with images that only spread further anguish through his veins, Carlos knew that sleep would not come easy tonight. The life of a first responder never gets any easier, and there were some days that caused a sleepless repose in the sheets, physically at rest but mentally in pain. Tomorrow would be a new day, and Carlos would just have to accept the newly added weight on his shoulders and acknowledge that time does not stop to grant healing for the scalding ail of grief.  

Through the muffled pieces of the world Carlos could vaguely make out in the dim lighting of his bedroom, his fingers suddenly twitched in apprehension when rustling noises sounded from his living room.

There were only a handful of people that had the key to his place, and only one who could have heard about what happened and would be paying him a visit.

His body a mere dead weight, Carlos forced himself to roll out of his comforter cocoon that depicted only an illusion of console, feet padding against cold floorboards once more to head towards the living room. Unlike when he first came in, the lights were on, and a familiar figure lifted his gaze from where he had been staring down two mugs of…something, to offer him a small smile.  

“Hey.” TK said softly, his voice quiet, but a welcome sound penetrating through the silence Carlos had secluded himself in. The firefighter made his way to him slowly, hands twitching as if wanting to reach out, but held back at the last second.

“I made some tea. Lemon balm. Would you like a cup?” TK asked, eyes gentle and devoid of judgment at Carlos’ rumpled nature. His hair had to be sticking in every direction from him not bothering to fix it when rolling out of bed, but TK didn’t seem the least bit fazed.

Looking at the openness to his expression, his green eyes staring at him unblinkingly - patiently awaiting his next move, Carlos felt his throat closing at the wave of emotion hitting him at full swing.

Oh.

“Yeah. Tea sounds...sounds good.” It goes to show how out of it he really is when Carlos didn’t even recognize the sound of his own voice. Wincing at how small and shallow it sounded, Carlos opened his mouth to apologize, explain, say something, but TK only gave him a comforting nod and gestured to the couch.

“I’ll bring it over – you go and make yourself comfortable.”

Carlos’ legs worked on autopilot after that, dragging the rest of his body towards the couch. He sank into the soft cushions, shoulders hunching at the invisible weight he didn’t bother to hide now, and that had already piled on without him knowing.

A whiff of something tangy invaded his senses, and Carlos looked up to see TK standing in front of him holding out his favourite mug, labelled ‘eat more hole foods’ with a picture of a donut that had been a gift from Michelle the day he came out to her. The mug pulled out a hint of a smile at the memory, before it faded.

Accepting the hot drink that still had steam rising with the unmistakable scent of lemons, Carlos pressed the palms of his hands against the heat protruding through the porcelain. He didn’t bother removing his hands when the heat started to burn, giving him a welcome tether to the real world.

“It’s my mother’s favourite, the tea. She was always drinking loads of the stuff, claiming it gave her a sense of peace after hours in the courtroom.” TK spoke quietly, and Carlos vaguely registered him taking a seat on the coffee table in front of him, their knees just shy of brushing against one another.

Carlos raised the mug to his lips, carefully taking a small sip. He was immediately greeted with a sharp tang of bitterness, a taste that wasn’t normally accustomed to this type of tea. He couldn’t hold back a wince, nose scrunching up at the bitter taste that slowly faded away after he swallowed, leaving him to stare at the mug in bewilderment. A light titter of laughter ringed in his ears, and Carlos looked up to see TK watching him fondly.

“I may have steeped it a little longer than necessary to give it a kick. Did it work?” TK smiled, lifting his own mug to take a sip of his own cup of tea. Carlos had half a mind to wonder why TK hadn’t recoiled at the taste like he did, and was about to ask, ‘did what work?’ but the words got caught in his throat.

The ache in his chest from earlier, had receded into a dull throb. Blinking away the mist that clouded his gaze, Carlos lifted his mug again, taking a longer sip - this time welcoming the sharp bitterness on his tongue.

The glow from the lights TK had decided to turn on cast a comforting shadow around them, encasing them in a secure bubble of space filled with two mugs of relaxing tea – and one heart carefully cradling another.

The onslaught of feelings he had pushed to the side from earlier cascaded out in a trickle, starting with a stray tear slipping down Carlos’ cheeks. He reached out his fingers to brush against TK’s arm carefully, unsure whether his touch was warranted. Without missing a second, TK placed both their mugs off to the side, getting up from the coffee table to step into Carlos’ arms.

Carlos didn’t waste any more time in wrapping his arms around the other man’s waist, burrowing his face into the soft fabric of TK’s shirt near his stomach. His legs widened their stance to fit TK in between them, his arms tightening around the solid warmth. Carlos shivered as fingers gently sifted through the soft hairs at the nape of his neck, feeling a hand splayed on the muscles of his back, thumb moving in slow circles in an offer of silent solace.

They stayed there, in the built comfort of the living room for a long time. TK hadn’t so much as mentioned why he had decided to come over, solely content in giving what Carlos was willing to take, and never once questioned why.

Slowly but surely, the ice began to thaw in his chest. The living room no longer felt absent and cold, the floorboards turning palpable and grounding, the soft material of the shirt he had buried his face in soaking up his tears in a gentle caress.

Carlos tipped his head up, red-rimmed eyes meeting TK’s gentle ones, sighing softly as the hand that had been running continually through his hair moved to cradle his face, the thumb running along the ridge just underneath his left eye. Carlos leaned into the touch.

“Will you stay?” Carlos whispered hoarsely, hesitantly, giving TK an out if he didn’t want to. It was a little silly, having these kinds of thoughts now. But the day’s events were still raw, and if TK had better things to do than stay with his bleak stature, Carlos would never blame him.

Seeming to understand where his thoughts were going, TK leaned down to press their foreheads together, green eyes filled with nothing but affection as they bore into brown orbs that had lost their usual light.

“Always, Carlos.” TK murmured. Carlos closed his eyes, relishing in the small spark of warmth starting to build in his chest at the words.

The perfect opportunity comes when they happen to share a night off together at the end of the week. TK jumps on the chance to impress his boyfriend; he plans a nice dinner at one of the fancier restaurants he’s found in his trips around town, as he tries to grow familiar with Austin. He plans a delivery of flowers to Carlos’ house and feels a sense of nervous energy passing over him as he spends the day getting ready. He wakes up with a dull headache and chills, but thinks nothing of it as he finishes the last few hours of his shift, before running home to change. TK rotates through multiple outfits; some are more practical for the weather, but others are more flattering, and living through New York winters leaves TK confident in his decision to go with the black jeans and thin patterned button-down, which he rolls the sleeves to as he anxiously waits to leave. 

His dad comes home and jokes with him about a curfew, even though it’s become more and more typical for TK to spend his nights off at Carlos’ place. TK waves goodbye to him, rolling his eyes when he gets yet another response that is really serious, but cloaked in his dad’s light-hearted tone of voice as he’s told to stay safe. TK actually feels giddy as he leaves the house, ready to be the one to sweep Carlos off his feet for once. 

It turns out that TK’s body just wants to betray him. 

“Ugh, I’m sorry,” TK says, for probably the fiftieth time, as Carlos deftly guides him through crowds of locals and tourists alike. They’d made it to the restaurant, and even ordered appetizers, but TK started coughing, and the chills came back, and when Carlos had looked at him with those concerned eyes of his and pressed a palm to TK’s forehead, he immediately declared that TK was burning up and he was taking him home. 

“It’s not your fault that you’re sick, Ty,” Carlos pulls him closer to his side, running a hand up and down his arm. “Here, you’re feverish and it’s cold, you should take my jacket.” 

TK opens his mouth to protest, but he has to admit the extra layer of clothing is fucking amazing as Carlos settles the coat over his shoulders. “Thanks.”

“Don’t be upset,” Carlos whispers, once they get back to the car. Of course he was able to pick up on the emotional turmoil going on in TK's head. 

“I just wanted to have a nice night to show you how much I—” TK stops, for a moment, before he takes a breath and says it: “How much I love you.” 

“I love you, too. I don’t need anything extravagant, Ty,” Carlos says, threading their fingers together. “I just need you.” 

TK gives him a look, vaguely wondering if Carlos can actually hear his heartbeat from where he’s sitting or if he’s starting to go a little delirious from his cold. He finally chuckles, and asks: “How the hell do you do that?”

“What?” Carlos asks, though the corner of his mouth is turned up as he drives them back to his place. 

“You’re just…” TK trails off, shaking his head a bit as he smiles, too. “You’re so adorable.” 

Carlos blushes a bit, but he gestures toward his front door as they pull up in front of his house. “You’re not so bad yourself, baby.”

TK follows his gaze and sees at least a dozen bouquets of various flowers left near the front door, which is definitely more than he ordered but he’s happy with the mistake because Carlos lights up at the sight of them. And TK definitely isn’t mad at the sight of his boyfriend with his arms full of flowers in every hue of yellow and pink and red, and he demands to take a photo before he slumps into the house and drops onto the couch. 

Even though he doesn’t want to, he definitely feels the pull to fall asleep as his eyelids grow heavier. 

“I’m making this up to you,” TK says, once Carlos has put all of those flowers on the table and come to sit down next to him. Carlos hands him a couple Tylenol and TK hesitates for a brief moment before downing them, as he then moves to settle in close. 

“You really don’t have to,” Carlos insists, and TK hums and presses a quick kiss to his cheek before settling with his head on his boyfriend’s lap, immediately feeling a sense of calm as Carlos starts running his fingers through his hair. 

“I want to, when I’m not literally dying,” TK murmurs, leaning into Carlos’ touch. Carlos snorts a bit and continues with the gentle touches, practically lulling him to sleep. The jacket that Carlos gave him is just too big around the shoulders to be stupidly comfortable, and TK burrows into it as an added layer of love and warmth. “You’re never getting this back, by the way.”