#lfmao

“Of course! Symbolic. Eternal rest, eternal love. Also, excellent acoustics for evil laughter.”

You rolled your eyes, dusting your hands off.“Newsflash, shadow-boy: no one wants to get hitched in a box unless you’re marrying a raccoon. Which, honestly, might be a better fit for you.”

He gasped in exaggerated horror, the sound echoing down the bond.

“Betrayal! You wound me, precious soulmate of mine. Do you not adore my brilliance?”

“Brilliance? You literally spent an hour last night debating whether a zombie duck would quack or moan.”

“Both! A duet! Pure genius!”

You laughed despite yourself. “Genius isn’t the word I’d use. ‘Compost-brained freak’ feels closer.”

Instead of offense, he purred with satisfaction. “Mmm, you’re so fiery. I love when you insult me. It means you’re thinking about me.”

You dragged a hand down your face. “Moria, I’m always thinking about you. Against my will.”

He cackled, smug and delighted. “Good! As it should be! The universe has bound you to my glorious mind, and soon—very soon—you’ll fall hopelessly for me, coffin wedding and all!”

You smirked, tossing the dough into the oven. “Keep dreaming, corpse-boy. The only thing I’m falling for is a life where you learn to shut up for five minutes.”

“Impossible,” he declared with theatrical pride. “Silence is for mortals. But don’t worry, my darling. I’ll talk enough for the both of us!”

You groaned into the bond, already bracing for whatever unhinged nonsense he was about to unleash next.