#lettertoparents

To My Parents Who Love Me Despite My Depression and Anxiety March 12/17 | 8:43 PM

I’m sorry.

You did your best as parents, therefore, you deserve a daughter who gives you the best in the world. And I’m so sorry I can’t be that daughter. I wish I was capable of giving you everything you deserve. I wish I was that daughter who cooks you meals, goes with you at the church, gives you massages, spoils you with gifts, texts you I love you and talks to you about life. But instead, I’m that daughter who ignores the food you prepare, complains about your requests, criticizes most of your decisions, and nags to you about the inadequacies of life. I’m so sorry I’m such a pain in the ass.

Ma and Pa, I’m struggling every day.  I hope you understand that I’m facing depression and anxiety and it’s not easy at all. I see life different from how you guys perceive it. I want you to know that every time you guys cook a delicious meal and I don’t eat it, it’s not because I don’t appreciate it. It’s just because I’m too sad to eat. When I lock myself inside my room and refuse to talk to you, it doesn’t mean I don’t want to talk to you. Sometimes, I just want to spend time alone with my thoughts. During family gatherings, I don’t go with you not because I don’t like our family. I just can’t be emotionally and mentally present sometimes. Those are just some of the battles I fight every day. If only I can give you a detailed and definite answer every time you ask me what’s wrong with me then I would tell you. I just don’t understand myself Ma & Pa. I wish I could fight this battle with you but I know you guys are going old and are going through hurdles in life as well.

Despite my lapses, I can see that you guys try to understand. Although I am incapable of giving the love you deserve, you two stayed and still tried to show me selfless love every day. For that, I am forever thankful. I want you to know that your love inspires me in so many ways. You both will always be my hope and reason why I try to be strong and better every day.

Thank you and I love you!

I will forever sob everytime I watch this video.

Day 3- My parents.

First of all, I have to make 3 different letters; one for both of you combined, one for my dad & stepmom, and one for my mom & stepdad. So thanks for that.

Dear different sets of parents,

The combined one. I can say that this in a way is the easiest to write and the hardest all at the same time, because you're so different, but....yeaaaah. So you guys pretty much mucked up my life by splitting up when I was six. I mean seriously, I have to have literally 99% of the teachers I have know that you guys are divorced because I have to give addresses and I have to ask what effing address to put down. Honestly, while everyone's writing down their addresses easily, I have to remember TWO and choose one. And then, I'm afraid I'll hurt the others' feelings because I chose one house over the other. You made me put up a guard to love before I ever really experienced. At SIX YEARS OLD. Thanks the fuck for that.

To my dad & stepmom. Well, currently, I can't STAND your tendencies. You just had a baby, and apparently it's more important than me. And then you get pissed at me, take away my iPod & iPad & phone because I didn't want to take fucking honors classes and read a book? Do you realize that I had just come back from an academic camp where I wrote FOUR ESSAYS IN THREE WEEKS and the day after I'm back I have to read a fucking book and write an essay? And apparently, if I don't take ONE of the THREE honors classes I'm taking I'm going to community college? I mean, seriously, the fuck's that about? Sorry that it's so much stress raising me and that I'm a dumbass, dad. Yeah, I'm not perfect, but neither are you. And seriously, like I mentioned before, the BABY'S MORE IMPORTANT THAN ME? Honestly? I've been an only child for thirteen years and the ONE DAY I don't say hi to him immediately I get my phone taken away for two days? Honestly, you don't realize that the day you did that, you mucked up any chance of a good relationship I could've had with that kid. Guys, I had hope for you. It's not really you I can't stand, it's the baby. You come together to focus on the baby's perfection and my faults. Honestly, I was FINE before it. I'm thirteen; I don't want to feel like a teen mom, and you guys are making it that way. So it's the baby. You've changed since the baby's come along. And for the worse. I do appreciate that you give me the opportunities to do what I want, but I'm surprised that you haven't taken the hint that I'm getting sent away for three weeks. So thanks for everything pre-baby. I feel though that you should know though that there are good things; dad, I love your sense of humor that can make me laugh any day; my stepmom, thanks for doing everything you do for me. It's a lot. I really do appreciate you guys, but you HAVE to lay off the baby who's supposedly the most important thing in the world. I'm sick of hearing about how perfect it is, because it's not. I just want to feel like I do good things too, please, let me feel that way.

To my mom & stepdad. I thank God for the days I can come to your house. I know you've screwed up your life some, mom, but in the end, you regret & realize all those mistakes. You listen to what I have to say and give me great advice. You're crazy & goofy & weird. We have our fights, but you're my mom, and in the end, that's who you'll always be. There are days I can't STAND you. Honestly though, you realize that there's more to me than As on report cards and smartness. You realize that I have other things I want to do in life besides academic stuff. But you did seriously hurt me when you lied to me about drinking & then went to rehab. I got seriously depressed and started doing things, well, that I shouldn't have. And I lost a lot of trust in people. Honestly, I just wanted a happy life, but this was literally all at the same time; a DAY after the baby's birth, you went to rehab. God, I can't take it. But I still love you, even with your faults. I admire how you recognize that you did wrong. I love you guise.

That's all. Kbye. <3