#lettertomyparents

To my loving mother,

I know growing up as a kid, I always wanted to be closest to my dad. I wanted to be just like him and not so much like my mom.

As I grew into a man, I saw all the wonderful traits my mother has given me. The two most grateful gifts you gave me was your heart to love to the deepest depths of my core, and the humble personality that makes me as great as I am.

throughout my whole life, you have been my rock. If it was when I was a troubled teen always getting into arguments with my dad, I know that those times broke your heart to see the two people you love most in this world go toe to toe. When I was locked up, you took care of my house and everything in my life so that I had a life to come home to. And when I started my IT career, I was not financially healthy. But you did all you could to help me get through the financial hardship of starting a new career.

To my Father,

I wanted to  be like you when I was a kid. We started to grow apart when I was trying to find my way from being a kid to a man. But you left me when I was in the process of becoming the man I was meant to become.

I really don’t know you, I never wanted to say you abandoned me when I was younger. But being gone for over 15 years, I can say you did leave me. 

I’m not sure who you are, and I am sure you don’t know who I am. It’s a shame that we never got to know each other over the years. I’m really disappointed you never got to see what it took for me to become the man I am today.

Letter to my parents for their 25th anniversary (May 2020)

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Ustedes siempre me hablan de la importancia de que encuentre a alguien que me haga compañía en la vida. Yo siempre les discuto al respecto, pero en el fondo adhiero al 100%. Porque mi ejemplo siempre fueron ustedes dos. Ustedes son el agua y el aceite; no se mezclan. Pero si se fijan en el agua y el aceite siempre quedan ahi flotando a la par. Y eso es lo que importa, encontrar a alguien que quiera flotar a la par tuya. Yo creo que hoy, después de 25 años juntos, necesitan tomarse un momento para reflexionar sobre su relación y todo lo que la hace especial, porque es fácil olvidar. Ustedes emprendieron un camino de incertidumbre cuando decidieron estar juntos, pero cada paso lo hicieron flotando a la par. Y la vida además no se las hizo nada fácil. Cosas que fácilmente arruinarían cualquier relación normal, ustedes lo sobrellevaron con valentía, trabajo duro y amor. Una hija como Regi, otra que vive lejos... al final del día lo que más importa es tenerse el uno al otro.

Dear My Parents,

I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the pain I put you through when I dropped my bombshell on you, and you realised that you had failed to protect me, failed in your job as parents. I am sorry for the pain you feel everyday as a result of that. It was not your fault - the only person to blame is them. I still love you.

I’m sorry for not saying thank you enough: when you make me dinner in the evening or when you wash my clothes - I am grateful, I just don’t have the right words to say. It’s only now that I have moved out, that I realise just how much you did for me, and how much you continue to do.

I’m sorry for not hugging you enough. You come home everyday at the late hours of the night, exhausted from a long day of work, and yet you still battle on, making sure we’re alright. A hug would be a small gesture of appreciation and I’m sorry I don’t do it more. Being without your hugs has made me realise how much I crave them and I never want to go without your hugs again.

I’m sorry for costing so much. The never ending clothes I buy, the shoes I manage to break, the places I want to visit, the adventures I want to take - they all cost money and you’re the ones funding that. Someday I will pay you back with flowers and chocolates and outings to the local coffee place, but for now, know that I am grateful.

But most of all, I’m sorry that I don’t tell you I love you more. Because I do, so much so. No matter what I scream at 2am when tears are streaming down my face, I love you. And I will love you till the day I die when my heart stops beating.

Yours forever

Day 3- My parents.

First of all, I have to make 3 different letters; one for both of you combined, one for my dad & stepmom, and one for my mom & stepdad. So thanks for that.

Dear different sets of parents,

The combined one. I can say that this in a way is the easiest to write and the hardest all at the same time, because you're so different, but....yeaaaah. So you guys pretty much mucked up my life by splitting up when I was six. I mean seriously, I have to have literally 99% of the teachers I have know that you guys are divorced because I have to give addresses and I have to ask what effing address to put down. Honestly, while everyone's writing down their addresses easily, I have to remember TWO and choose one. And then, I'm afraid I'll hurt the others' feelings because I chose one house over the other. You made me put up a guard to love before I ever really experienced. At SIX YEARS OLD. Thanks the fuck for that.

To my dad & stepmom. Well, currently, I can't STAND your tendencies. You just had a baby, and apparently it's more important than me. And then you get pissed at me, take away my iPod & iPad & phone because I didn't want to take fucking honors classes and read a book? Do you realize that I had just come back from an academic camp where I wrote FOUR ESSAYS IN THREE WEEKS and the day after I'm back I have to read a fucking book and write an essay? And apparently, if I don't take ONE of the THREE honors classes I'm taking I'm going to community college? I mean, seriously, the fuck's that about? Sorry that it's so much stress raising me and that I'm a dumbass, dad. Yeah, I'm not perfect, but neither are you. And seriously, like I mentioned before, the BABY'S MORE IMPORTANT THAN ME? Honestly? I've been an only child for thirteen years and the ONE DAY I don't say hi to him immediately I get my phone taken away for two days? Honestly, you don't realize that the day you did that, you mucked up any chance of a good relationship I could've had with that kid. Guys, I had hope for you. It's not really you I can't stand, it's the baby. You come together to focus on the baby's perfection and my faults. Honestly, I was FINE before it. I'm thirteen; I don't want to feel like a teen mom, and you guys are making it that way. So it's the baby. You've changed since the baby's come along. And for the worse. I do appreciate that you give me the opportunities to do what I want, but I'm surprised that you haven't taken the hint that I'm getting sent away for three weeks. So thanks for everything pre-baby. I feel though that you should know though that there are good things; dad, I love your sense of humor that can make me laugh any day; my stepmom, thanks for doing everything you do for me. It's a lot. I really do appreciate you guys, but you HAVE to lay off the baby who's supposedly the most important thing in the world. I'm sick of hearing about how perfect it is, because it's not. I just want to feel like I do good things too, please, let me feel that way.

To my mom & stepdad. I thank God for the days I can come to your house. I know you've screwed up your life some, mom, but in the end, you regret & realize all those mistakes. You listen to what I have to say and give me great advice. You're crazy & goofy & weird. We have our fights, but you're my mom, and in the end, that's who you'll always be. There are days I can't STAND you. Honestly though, you realize that there's more to me than As on report cards and smartness. You realize that I have other things I want to do in life besides academic stuff. But you did seriously hurt me when you lied to me about drinking & then went to rehab. I got seriously depressed and started doing things, well, that I shouldn't have. And I lost a lot of trust in people. Honestly, I just wanted a happy life, but this was literally all at the same time; a DAY after the baby's birth, you went to rehab. God, I can't take it. But I still love you, even with your faults. I admire how you recognize that you did wrong. I love you guise.

That's all. Kbye. <3

Let me learn. Let me make mistakes. Let me fuck up. It's the only way I'll live. You can do it all and protect me from it all anymore.