Insignia

By Alyssa Serrano

Childhood memories are the ones that shape who we are today. They have a meaningful impact on our lives and make our childhood memorable. As I sat on a chair where I saw birds flying in the sky, I remembered a magical memory that I had as a child.

Growing up in a low-income family where you can't afford expensive things and have nothing but experience and genuine memories, you'll realize that money can't buy happiness. When I was a kid, I would rush to our shabby kitchen every morning, where I would find Mama drinking a one-peso coffee-stick black coffee. She intends to give me morning kisses as well as morning bread or pandesal, as our family cannot afford to buy milk at that time, I would share coffee with Mama, but even if I drink coffee with her, she will most likely stop me from drinking too much. After eating with Mama, I would clean our backyard, sweep leaves from the trees, and water my Mama's plants. I can see Papa, who is sitting on a swing and relaxing, from the backyard. I'd run up to him, and he'd lift me and make me sit beside him, intending to fix my messy hair and put a scrunchie on it. He then asked me to come with him to his job as a carpenter; we usually ride our bikes to his workplace.

The sun was burning brightly when we got out of the house. I can see my friends playing outside the house, as I remember they play our all-time favorite game; Tumba lata. I'd smile and wave to them; they'd probably ask me to play with them, but I would rather choose to accompany Papa to work. While he was repairing his employer's roof, I would play with some debris and build a car or even a small play house. On the other hand, I sometimes enjoyed watching Papa mix the cement because it was so satisfying that I felt like I was floating in the clouds.

After my Papa finishes his work at the end of the day, we usually go home and have dinner as a family. I can see Mama in the kitchen preparing the meal, as well as my brothers and sisters talking about their days. We usually share the one can of sardines that my mother owes to the vendor across the street. It was a simple gathering with a simple dinner, but the joy within me was exhilarating.

By Nicky Angela Solis

It was never a foreign practice for us to have a new classmate every year, but what was new to me was that this transferee, of all words, was odd, a silent kid of the same as my height, and he had a quirky accent where he can’t pronounce Ilonggo words correctly. He would turn and twist his head now and then, watching us with a straight face. As my pigtails were as tight as my attitude, something churned in my stomach that made me furrow my eyebrows, I immediately jumped to the conclusion that I will hate him.

On the second day of June 2014, the first day of school in 4th grade, excitement was in the air as I have finally become one of the seniors in our elementary. I thought to myself that this year would be the best year of my elementary discourse. As I approached the room, the sound of laughing and high-pitched screaming filled my ears. Classmates show off their new square bags as if it was all the rage and 2 floored pencils with built-in sharpeners.

I did not pay attention to this kid until one of my best friends at that time just leaned onto me and said that he was the most gwapo person she had ever met, I looked at him, irritation rising in me, and told my friend that she was blind. I knew his name because someone invited him to be in our friend group, a decision I never approved. Why do we need another person? Of all friend groups, why mine? He had an odd name though he is an odd person. I never thought the name fit, like he is not fitting to be in my friend group. He started to talk about facts and trivia about dolphins and grasses, I can only listen as I do not have the slightest clue of what he is rambling about. He was loved by my friends; they were so interested in how smart he was. I thought to myself that he was not THAT smart, he was a weirdo. I pointed that out to him and never acknowledge him for the whole year.

By Katrina L. Buenafe

In my life, a significant event was not associated with a special place or a flashy style of life. March 11, 2021, was my birthday. The day that I turned 18, was a phase of my life so important that we celebrated it with anticipation. In the midst of the pandemic, my family still arranged a simple birthday party for me. I can still recall the dirty and crowded kitchen, the chatting neighbors in the background, and the organizers' restless hands. My mom approached me and gave me details about the celebration. My heart was overwhelmed with love and joy. All of my relatives came together to help prepare and celebrate my birthday.

The night was cold and rainy, but the loud music drowned out the weather. When I glanced in the mirror, I noticed a new woman in front of me. A lot of things became clear to me at that point. I wondered to myself, "What will my life be like after this?" I proudly smiled and thought optimistically. My heart was racing as if I were in a car race. I see a hue of red as I walk down the aisle towards the stage, it was lit up by lights and the color of vibrant flowers. I felt tears well up in my eyes and assured myself that I had never felt so much love and support in my life.

I was smiling the entire night when I heard their messages to me. I was on cloud nine because I was so touched by their love. That day, I was granted the actual bliss that I so desperately desired. My father's message will live with me forever. With his tremendous affection for us, he said those words meaningfully. "Pareha gid kami ni Kat, pag on kag wala gid sang gina katakutan," he stated exactly, and it made me regret my wrongdoings and I felt bad about the lies I once said. But it gave me the courage to change and be a better person for my parents.

Another aspect of myself surfaced in my heart, yet I am still bewildered by the changes that occurred. I believe that realizing the duties and expectations placed on you makes you a better person. And I am happy being who I am today, and I am grateful for their love and support. The term "Legality" may be intimidating and overwhelming to some, but it is a new period of your life that paints the darkest side of you.

Those memories will live on in my heart until the end of time. It makes me smile just thinking about it. Since that day, I realized that genuine happiness can be found in the company of people who raised you up and pushed you to become a better person. As Hannah Gadsby remarked, "There's nothing stronger than a broken woman who has rebuilt herself." These statements may not be as powerful as others, but they provide meaning and empathy to others.

By Samuel Ben C. Quezon III

“Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.” —Theodor Seuss Geisel 

Zamboanga City Dubbed “Asia’s Latin City”, it is the place where I was born. In 1635, Spanish soldiers established Zamboanga on the site of a native village. Its name comes from the Malay word jambangan, which means "place of flowers" and its roadsides are lined with bougainvillea, orchids, and other tropical flowers. And If you're wondering why tourists keep returning to Zamboanga, it is because it has a particular inherent beauty that makes it an attractive spot to visit and return to. Because this is where I was born, I am glad and proud, and I will never forget that time that I was once a child birthed amongst the flowers. 

On the spur of the moment, I retured to my hometown on April 5, 2019, I had no idea that I would be able to return to my hometown again. Once I have arrived, the fresh air swelled, and the wonderful view unfurled immediately. I was amazed and stunned by its beauty. As I walked, I was reminded of some recent recollections. 

When darkness fell, the entire atmosphere was illuminated by light. That night, the faint whisper contributed to the feelings I was already experiencing and you'll be awestruck by the natural beauty all around you with every turn of your head. I couldn't believe my eyes that I was already here, and the thought filled me with excitement.

We continued walking and came to various destinations in the area, including Pasonanca Park, Fort Pilar, Paseo del Mar, and many others. I had photographed each of these locations at the time to preserve the memory. Above all, I wanted to maintain Zamboanga City in my modest photograph. 

I can't help but feel compelled to return there every time I recall that encounter. The night air is relentless in its pursuit of me. My mind is still exploring, replicating, and embracing the location. I remember feeling quite sad when we had to leave the site. I made a promise to myself that I'd return. 

In the year 2018, everything seemed to happen in a flash. In my mind, everything is still fresh. The other half of my heart will always be Zamboanga City and, hopefully, one day, I will be able to take my loved ones with me to show them the place where I was born and where my heart and soul first fell in love. 

By May Ann Yap

In my life, I've been through a lot. In my family, our house didn't feel like home growing up, and I resented my brother to the point of hating him. I wanted to retaliate against him because I felt so enraged and hated him. One of the main reasons I want to be a policewoman is because of him. We grew up in a family that was constantly arguing and screaming. In Davao, my father is an air conditioning mechanic. I see him on a regular basis. We have a junk shop in our backyard, and my mother is a stay-at-home mom. A gigantic "sari stall" is located in front of us. 

         My mother always told me that she was unhappy with her life and that she and my father were always fighting. My mother would usually cry because she was physically and emotionally abused by my father. My father is closer to his friends than he is to us. He's an alcoholic, a gambler, and has had an affair. He is constantly angry when he returns home intoxicated and it affects our lives; how we see and how we treat one another. We were also abused as children, especially when I was a child, and my father and mother used physical force to punish us. My brother would also hurt me physically and emotionally, and he abused me, and I despise him for it. To put it simply, we are not your average family.

       My mother grew up with no parents and a broken family, while my father grew up in a wealthy family. My father was disobedient, but he worked hard. Our family has been through so much pain, even in the past, and it's still affects us even today. My father had a stroke when I was in first grade because he had high blood pressure. In one swoop all of our pleasures including our business and car were sold to pay the hospital bill. At the same time, my mother was giving birth to our "bunso," our little girl; and all of our wealth was sold with the help of my relatives. It's also quite difficult for us, particularly for my siblings. My father is unable to communicate due to his illness. He just sketches and signs with his hands. We don't get what he's saying. My father's dedication amazed me. He sells fish and grows chickens for sale, which was quite beneficial to us while my mother was able to learn massage. 

      My father died after five years, and I was in sixth grade at the time. At a very young age, I became aware of the truth of life. I had no role model in my life as a child. I grew up with people and things that I didn't want to be when I grew up. My life has shaped me into the person I am today. Because of that major incident in my life, I learned to live, love, laugh, be strong, forgive, and appreciate what I have. Even at the last minute, my father made up for all of his flaws by becoming a better father to us. He will be remembered for a long time. After all, we have a lot of hardship in our family. To face life, we remain strong and courageous. All of life's challenges, difficulties, and obstacles finally come together. It is preparing us for a brighter future. The good and bad moments in my life have been a blessing and a blessing to me. We are still a family and a rough one at that. 

By Ivan Ray Fio

Everyone, in my opinion, should be enjoying their most intriguing and exciting experiences in life. My favorite experience began during my summer vacation from school. My cousin, Deven Jake, and her family appeared at the front door of my house one gorgeous morning after breakfast at home. Deven Jake was smiling warmly, and I invited the entire family in as quickly as lightning. My cousin Deven Jake is the one I'm closest to.

My dad and Deven Jake's family decided to go shopping that afternoon to get some supplies. At the mall, there are branded items. Deven Jake and I had butterflies fluttering in our stomachs at home. My parents, however, did not make any breakfast for us. I'm guessing they were too engaged in the mall's merchandise to realize the journey would be short. My uncle and auntie were just as anxious to go shopping as I was, and they completely forgot about Deven Jake.

Then we noticed a package of flour on the kitchen cabinet's top-shelf. As a result, Deven Jake proposed making pancakes. Deven Jake admitted that he rarely cooks at home and even cooking a pancake is beyond him. I admitted to him that I was neither a good cook nor a chef. I told him about the amusing things that happened in the kitchen while I was a cook. When I fried some fish, they were completely burned. When my parents sampled the fish curry I made, they remarked there wasn't enough salt in it. More turmeric was added. When I remembered these amusing occurrences, I smiled cynically. But, because we were both starving, I told Deven Jake that we didn't have much of a choice.

Deven Jake and I started the whole show by putting flour in a specific bowl. We decided to mix the flour with hot water because we were science students at the time and didn't want any bacteria in the mixture. The dough became hard when we kneaded it, and we couldn't press it anymore. We were perplexed by our "pancakes," but we nonetheless placed them in a pan. We looked at the cooked pancakes after a few minutes and noticed that the dough had not expanded and had been scorched. We did, however, remove them. Oh my goodness! We attempted to share a portion. Consider our newest "pancakes." It had no flavor and was extremely difficult to eat. We were under the impression that we were eating steel components.

By Jaselle Jane A. Abundar

Turning 18 officially marks the end of childhood. We look forward to our birthdays every year. Some people mark their birthday in a grand manner. Others are good at celebrating birthdays with their family which is simple but memorable. Each of us has our way of giving appreciation to our Creator for giving us an additional year to be bolder, amazing, and unique. It's unique in that it only happens once a year, and we get to enjoy it with great delight and satisfaction.

My mother gave birth to me in the month of August. When July arrived, right around the corner, the feeling of excitement consumed my heart. I valued my birthday the most because it is the time when I received best wishes and gifts. When August 2022 rolls along, the anticipation grows wilder. My parents were busy spending most of their time buying stuff that they would use for my birthday. My mother's friend decorated my birthday with a garden motif the night before the celebration. Because of the pink and yellow flowers and white foliage that hung above the circle composed of small branches with my name in the center, the atmosphere was picture-perfect.

D-day. I awoke with a sense of euphoria, freedom, and love. The first thing I saw when I left my bedroom with a smile on my face was my parents, tita's, tito's, cousins, and grandparents preparing for my day. For my special day, CJ, my cousin, helped me look stunning with my dress. I have a green square neck with a slit on my left leg dress and a rose gold off-shoulder dress that ends above my knee. When I arrived at the venue, a fluttering smile greeted me because we were complete as a family. My best friends, friends, and family had already arrived around 3 p.m. in the afternoon. Lexa, my photographer, caught every moment that will be remembered for the rest of my life. Our laughing became music to my ears, as well as messages that I might use for the rest of my life and tears-inducing gifts.

By Aleeyah Kym R. Dela Cruz

I used to think it’s annoying and clichéd whenever people describe the sea as something calming or gentle because I thought otherwise. I was a bit fearful of it. The mere thought of roaring waves, tsunamis, and most especially the possibility of drowning are all enough to make me shiver.

However, this recent trip to the beach changed how I feel about the sea. It was an almost three-hour ride from Koronadal City to that beach in Sarangani. I was sleep-deprived, but I couldn’t find it in myself to sleep during the journey because of the refreshing scenery.

The moment we arrived at the venue, I jumped out of the van enthusiastically, and the early morning sun was smiling brightly which boosted my energy. My first impression of the place was great; I thought it was beautiful, maybe just a bit too jammed, because I was honestly not expecting many people to be there (although I should’ve because it was December). After I scanned the place for a bit, I decided that I would take a plethora of pictures. The place was nothing short of wonderful, especially when I finally got to see the whole sea before my eyes.

I caught glimpses of it during our ride and thought nothing of it, but when I was finally right there, I was mesmerized; Adults and children alike appeared ethereal as they were swimming and laughing in the sea’s pure and pristine waters. The sky was painted blue, accompanied by the sun’s blinding smile as the backdrop of this landscape, to top it off, there was the long bridge that expanded not too far from the beach bank. This picturesque scene was utterly breathtaking, and I wish I could see it for the first time again.

After breakfast, I decided to walk the long bridge. It had no railings so it was a bit dangerous, plus the pathway was rather narrow, so I had to be careful. The feeling of getting anxious whenever I saw kids running along the bridge still lingers on my skin; I could imagine them falling into the water. The bridge wasn’t too high, but the water wasn’t deep either, so it was really dangerous.

Thankfully, there was no such accident that happened that day. I got to cross the bridge alone and reached the terrace. Once I saw the panoramic view of the sea earlier, I already thought it was beautiful, but on that bridge…it was even more lovely. I felt like I fell in love. I didn’t realize I was holding my breath until the wind blew and thoughtlessly let out a sigh.

The short walk didn’t feel grueling because I busied myself with the pictures, so it was surprising when my knees felt weak. I decided to sit on the edge of the terrace to rest, took off my sandals, and dangled my legs on the rocky bridge. Then, I closed my eyes.

The sea sang to me with its soft waves as if it was lulling me to sleep, tuning out the cacophonous voices of strangers. The sun was smiling brightly but the wind was affable as well, complementing the sun’s supposed harsh heat with her chill. Each time I took a deep breath, I felt the weight on my heart that I brought from home eased. In that serendipitous moment, I realized I had forgotten how it feels to be truly relaxed.

I couldn’t remember how long I stayed like that but I was glad nobody disrupted that moment. I wished that I could stay like that forever. It was a true moment of peace: something I didn’t know I badly needed. If I could, I would like to go back there again. The fear of drowning doesn’t seem so frightening this time, when it’s the soft voice of the waves I’ll drown in.

By Vladimier Quiseo Miguel

Seldom do we forget that relaxation should mean a great deal to our priorities. Seldom we just cast ourselves into the mundane clockwork we call our daily lives. Seldom we forget that we too deserve to relish in the euphoria of merriment and progress in the journey of life, even for a moment, without a fragment of perturbation or complication.

Surigao is exactly the place to cast aside any uneasiness one might possess. Exactly the place to bury yourself in its comforting embrace of relaxation and pampering. The City of Island Adventure lures people in with her panoramic islands with long stretches of pristine white sand beaches, mystical caves, vast magical mangrove forests, and underwater topographies. As you traverse through the compelling surroundings, you will be welcomed with open arms by the people. A paradise that feels a lot like home. 

It was hours before the rise of the morning sun on the January of 6, 2022, a cold, gust of wind swept across my skin as we awaited the arrival of the owner of the travel tour, with whom we availed our vacation. Time moved ever so slowly, as I was filled with excitement and nervousness from traveling to a place in which I have never stepped foot in my life. My mind raced with the multitude of activities that awaited us on those sunny beaches and astonishing islands. Not a few minutes later, the owner arrived and we were set for departure. I found my place in the van and settled in for the long drive ahead. I shut my eyes and slowly drifted off to slumber.

A bump on the road woke me from my sleep. As I began to open my eyes, a ray of sunshine shone upon my face, blinding me, and soon my vision adjusted. There, I laid my eyes on a scenery one might mistake for heaven. The sun cast upon the vast sea, glimmering like a precious jewel. Smiles and laughter, as far as the eye can see. With that sliver of beauty, I was riveted to know that we have finally arrived.

The first location on our itinerary was Asik Asik Falls. A monstrous structure of nature, but one could not help but be in awe of its presence. A majestic sight it was. As history reminds us, this place was a turning point of freedom for a certain tribe. Knowing this, looking at the falls gave off this aura of breaking the chains of oppression. I could not hold myself back, so I changed and went for a swim. The cool water enveloped my skin and I sighed a breath of relief as my weariness from the travel was steadily vanishing. Alas, we still had an itinerary to follow and we had to go, to which a momentary inkling of disappointment filled me, I begrudgingly got out and changed. Soon after, we set off to the next destination.

Still reminiscing about the water at the falls, unbeknownst to me, we came to a halt, for we have arrived at the next destination. A dollhouse. Not too often I would admit, I do hate dolls. However, for the sake of adventure and new experiences, I went. The dollhouse was located atop a flight of stairs, which was quite exhausting to climb. When I arrived at the top, the house gave off an eerie chill along my spine. However, it could be just me because of my fear of dolls, then the other tourist didn’t seem to mind. As I entered, I was immediately surrounded by dolls. Humanoid faces are unfeeling and unnerving. It felt as though their dead, cold eyes followed me everywhere I would go. Cold sweat enveloped me, fear to be exact. Knowing I could not go further, I exited the premises and waited in the van for our next departure. 

Fearful, but calm, we arrived at the famous Hinatuan Enchanted River. Truly an enchanting experience! Its mystical location marked by its shimmering, crystal clear blue waters, surrounded by thick jungle, vines, and orchids was truly a sight to behold. Although, my supernatural curiosity had me thinking of the tales of mermaids, magical fairies, and spirits at the Hinatuan Enchanted River as well. We were given a good 2 hours to soak in the legendary river. As I dipped in the water, it truly felt enchanting. Every stroke and movement in the water felt magical. A few hours passed and we prepared for departure to our final location. Britannica.

By Alyssa Marie Dorado 

A lot can happen in a 2-3 hours plane ride. It’s amazing how in a short amount of time, one person can change and make your perspective in life even better.

I remember my first ever plane ride to Manila. It was truly full of memories, lessons and dreams. I still remember everything back when me and my mother went to Manila to visit my brother. I remember how excited I was to ride a plane for the very first time. I even remember how sad I was that my father wasn’t able to join us because he had work. I remember how tight I hugged him when we said our goodbyes. It was an emotional moment for my 12 years-old self. 

My father booked me to a window seat because he knew how I wanted to see the clouds so badly because I kept talking about how pretty the clouds are and wondered what they looked like up-close. They looked so soft that I just wanted to touch them. Throughout the plane ride I kept my eyes through the window to watch the clouds pass by or just the plain white view. I stopped gazing at it when a flight attendant came to ask if we wanted food. My mother asked me if I wanted to eat something, I saw a big pretzel on the food cart that the flight attendant had. It looked tasty, I wanted to tell my mother how much I wanted to eat that pretzel but refused to tell my mother knowing that the food sold on the plane was expensive. When she asked me if I was sure that I didn’t want to eat, I assured her that I was fine. I didn’t want to spend our vacation allowance on something like airplane food. Regardless, my mother ended up buying a cup of noodles because she knew that I’d be hungry later. Meanwhile, an old man sitting beside my mother brought the pretzel I wanted.

I sighed and continued to watch the clouds while I waited for my cup noodles to be ready to eat. Not a second later, I felt my mother tapped my shoulder, I looked at her and saw the old man beside her smiling at me with the pretzel on his hand, offering it to me, “here, you can have it. I saw you staring at it earlier”, the old man said with a smile. It was so kind of him to buy it to me. It was the first time that a stranger showed me an act of kindness. 

It flattered me so much that I still remember it till this day. It turns out that the old man was the owner of a famous beach resort in Sarangani. Him and my mother got along and talked throughout the plane ride. He was such a nice person. He was humble and had this soft personality that would make anyone feel comfortable to be around him. He was on his way to America for vacation and to visit his son and grandchildren. His son bought him the ticket as a gift for his father. He told my mother how proud he is at how successful his son became and how all the hard work he and his wife did paid off really well.  

After hearing that, I started to ponder about who and what I wanted to be in the future. I wanted to be as kind as him, I wanted to be as wise as him, I wanted to be there to give what I can give to people in need, I wanted to be like his son who was successful and comfortable with his life, repay my parents for their sacrifices and hard work, and become the reason why my parents smile as they boast their child’s accomplishments to friends, relatives and even strangers. I want to become the pride and joy of my family.

Diary of Alyssa Serrano

February 19th 2022

This day is the most extravagant and enchanting for me. The happiness that I saw from every guest I had invited to my party was very contagious. It’s my 18th birthday, specifically my debut. Before the program started, I was so nervous that I could feel butterflies in my stomach. I felt like throwing up because I was so nervous, but at the same, so excited. When the program officially started, I first laid my eyes on my friends who were smiling up to their ears and I could see their genuine happiness for me. They gave me the sweetest messages along with the gifts that I will always treasure. Afterwards, my family gave me their sweet, heartwarming messages and wishes that it made me emotional. I am truly grateful that I have a very supportive family. After the program, I spent the after-party with my friends/ It was an exhilarating experience and we certainly had the time of our lives.

March 5th 2022

It was late in the evening. I was laying on my bed when my phone popped out a notification: it was from him. Hurriedly, I opened the Messenger app and saw a cold message from him. Despite the situation, I still responded. While I waited for his reply, I saw that he had a new posted story. Curious, I clicked on his story but I instantly regret doing so. 

When I saw his story my eyes began to water and the anger within me started rushing in. His story was a video of a girl that he edited with some kind of love song. I was— no, I am a third party. I am a side chick and I didn’t even notice. I didn’t learn from my past and let all of this happen again. 

Diary of Sheila Bisarra

January 14th, 2022: Today is the 16th birthday of my favorite cousin. Oh, how fast time flies! Sadly, I won’t be able to attend her birthday party. To make up for it, I decided to video-call her. I didn’t sleep early because I wanted to greet her first, and I was! It was 12:00 AM when I had wished her a happy birthday. We then talked for a bit afterwards— mainly about what she had planned for her party, and ended our call early in the morning. It was a long call, but it was worth it because I enjoyed our talk. I wish she had a great time with her friends at her party.

Diary of Elton John Palabrica

February 20th 2021: It was one of the best memories I’ve ever had. I am a big fan of the sea; I like being in the salty, cold water while being under the ray of the sun. Hearing the sound of the waves makes me calm, and the serenity of the whole place is just what I need the most. We stayed in that place overnight and traveled back home in the morning the next day. I couldn’t forget how I looked at the shining stars in the dark sky while lying on my back on the soft sand. I was alone at that time, but I am comfortable with just myself. I heard them having fun, drinking beers, and dancing their a*ses off while I enjoyed the view of the luminous moon that’s giving a faint light on the water. When I felt the cold breeze of the wind touch my skin, I couldn’t ask for more. It’s best to unwind in the sea and watch the cerulean water that continues to flow. 

March 25th 2022: It was a tiring day. I had a headache; honestly, it was hard for me to listen to Sir Nikko’s discussion on our culminating activity. I found out that I am not experiencing stress; I am experiencing academic burnout, where I feel numb, I don’t understand what I’m feeling, and my mind often goes haywire. I felt tired the whole day, although I had enough hours of sleep. I don’t know what coping mechanism I should do anymore. Sir Nikko had suggested that we should have screen breaks, but there is nothing to do if we stop using gadgets, especially amidst a pandemic. We can’t go out, and we’ll only feel bored if we have nothing to do. 

Diary of Cedric Amiel Sequito

March 15, 2022 

I have been on this dating app for about a week already, and I have met a lot of people. I joined this community in the hopes to find love but what I found was a new type of fear instead. Here I met four people who, and each one promised me a future of commitment, dedication, loyalty, and love. With each of them that made this promise, I asked myself the same questions. 

“Am I worth it?” 

“Is that person really committed?” 

“Can I do this?” 

Every small action they make, every slight inconsistency or change, and every shift in mood would make me think. Every minute they don’t interact with me, I am left with my own thoughts and would doubt myself as well as the other party. I broke up with each of them, not because I didn’t want their love, but because I was afraid of the consequences and pain that it might bring me. Falling in love was not the issue; being in love was. The thought of losing everything for a person I haven’t even met was something I could freely give, and at the same time, greedily take back. Let this be a lesson and a reminder for me that I am more than willing to give love; it’s just that I always doubt if the love given to me is genuine or of the same quality. The difference between my “I love you” and theirs is that I meant it with all my heart and soul. When will someone do the same for me?

I’ll write again once that certain someone visits me.

May 5, 2022