#lettertofutureself

I write this letter in search for myself; I write this letter out of pure love for you. I love you, I always have. It is hard to sometimes, but I do.  Right now, I guess I could say that I am satisfied. 

You have always knocked down rocks, and although most of them were boulders, you still did it anyway. I hope you’re still doing that. You are so focused that you have abandoned most of the good things in your life just to emphasize on yourself. You tell the whole world to go easy on themselves and yet you don’t.

Enjoy yourself more. Focus on your happiness. Have your break of fresh air. Breathe. You’ve got a lot of things on your mind, but breathe. Everything ends up being alright in the end. A couple of downfalls is not one major ruin. Keep on writing your poetry. Keep on flourishing and adding more emotion; it is more than alright to express. 

Keep striving to change yourself, even to the smallest degree. Learn to also appreciate the fun, joyful things in life. I hope now you are completely satisfied with yourself, omitting the words ‘I guess’ with your satisfaction.

Yours truly,

Dear Future Me,

At last, you have become the person I had wished for. All those hardships, pain, and sacrifices you have gone through, I can see that you are now living in my dreams. It all started from urges to desires, and desires to passion. I’m so excited to live that wonderful life. I know there are many possibilities that I will fail in this journey called "life", but I will try my very best to become what you have become.

I can barely wait for myself to succeed just like you. Regardless of whatever happens, please don't forget mom and dad. Whatever heights of success you have already reached and how deep your knowledge is, always remember that it is because of them. They’re the ones who educated you and raised you. This is a reminder from your past self. Remember this: "As long as you remember the lessons of the past, you will always go further in the future."

If I could just cheat time and shorten it just to reach my goals, I would surely do it, but God doesn't allow it because life is a process and we must always obey it. I'm sure that you’re already in a comfortable place living with your wife and children. What a sight it can be. I'm jealous, but I know you deserve it. Whatever happens in your life, please always choose your family over anything else, especially when your time has passed its climax and you have already achieved your true zest. Now it’s my time to experience it. And if you are on the downsides of life, always remember this quote from the late president Marcos Sr.: "Once a champion, always a champion." So, instead of lamenting the past, try to see the greater good in the future.

You are lazy and arrogant, but I know you. Once you do it with passion and hard work, you always make it to the top. I know it because I'm you.

The One That Believes in You,

Dear Future Self,

Hi! I hope that you are doing great now. Whatever you have achieved in life, I am so proud of you. I hope that you can now already handle your own self and maintain and balance everything you do. I hope that you are now contented in life and for what things you have and be grateful in life. I hope you are able to face your fears and embrace your inner strengths that would be an inspiration to others. I also hope that you are doing things that has positive impact to other people. I hope that you are still wanting to learn and grow more. I know that you have already achieved your dreams. I also hope that your faith in Him will be much stronger and make good and positive relationships to people.

Dear older-more mature-more-well-adjusted Carolina,

So, guess what today was?  Today was/is (oh god, the future/present tense words are going to screw me up so much, even more than they do in Spanish class, remember that?) our 18th birthday.  It's on a Sunday, so there's not much partying to be done with a Newlin essay due tomorrow.  I'm writing this letter to us right now due to a sprinkle of procrastination and a big hope that one day, when we no longer have time for tumblr, we'll come back and read all of the silly stuff that our 17/18 year old self wrote.

I spent today breaking social norms for Schicker's class.  And there's a reason why social norms exist.  Nothing is more awkward than sitting at a table full of strangers or your coin purse exploding everywhere in front of Forever 21, even though all of that was staged.  No one helped me the first time my "purse exploded", but the second time, kids were everywhere picking up the coins.  Handing out flowers to lonely people was pretty fun, granted they were all skeptical when Sam went up to them because they thought that they had to pay for them.  Remember, always use the birthday card to get what you want.  That's how I got my free cake. :)

It always rains on our birthday (can you confirm that for me?), but at least this year, I didn't cry a single tear, unless it was out of happiness.  I'm glad that I hung out with Sam today.  I love her so much, and I'm pretty sure that we'll be friends forever.  Like that's legit.  We'll be visiting each other every weekend.  

The one bad thing about today was that he didn't call, like he did last year. or text or do anything that helped me know that he remembered my birthday.  I guess that's asking too much, but at the same time, it's not asking that much at all.  Two. measly. words.  I hope that you're not with him when you read this, or if you are with him, please tell me that he's a lot better than how he was when we were 18.  I guess he's not that bad aside from the forgetting to text us back and that ish...oh and the whole lying about the facebook, which isn't a big deal BUT IS a big deal because NOW it is a big deal.  God, I'm so neurotic.  That's all I'm going to say about him, but future me, I really hope that you've found some way to slap that cocky grin off his face.

If you're reading this now, that means that you have survived the senior project.  Right now, it's a pain in the ass for me, and with two scripts to memorize (Sure thing and And Miss Reardon Drinks a Little), and a benefit concert to organize, I really don't see myself sleeping at all.  Hopefully everything turned out well...and we didn't drop any lines during the performance.

I don't feel any older.  I really don't.  I just feel really tired and pretty jaded at the world.  My ensemble is pissing me off and 95% of the time, I want to murder them all...I wonder how many of us will still be friends after graduation.  Not many, I don't think.  That's sad to consider...

The world pretty much sucks right now.  Gas prices are 3.79, children are going hungry right here in America, Japan is devastated, Libya is a mess, we're still in Iraq and Afghanistan, but at least we got Osama, right? Right?

Ok, well I have to go now.  I wish I could say that I'm going to go to an awesome party and get fucked up, but alas, there's a damn essay that I can't finish.  Hopefully, you're not procrastinating on something...because that would just be a bitch.  Just eat a slice of that cake I know you keep in the fridge, play some Greg Laswell, and churn out that essay.

I love us,