#lapsi

The grave was dug near the settlement and painted with red ochre. The child's body was laid to rest on a feather bed. He took arrows with him and a dog on his leg as a resting companion.

The child was between the ages of 3 and 10 at the time of death.

Oh, Holden. 

Istun pienessä tuolissa, lautasellinen jauhelihaspagettia edessäni muovisella lautasella. Sen vieressä on muovimuki puolillaan maitoa.

Toisella puolella minua istuu hoitaja, kehottaen minua jatkamaan syömistä. Muut ovat jo lopettaneet, ja istun pöydässä yksin hänen kanssaan. 

Kotona spagetti ja jauheliha on tosi hyvää, mutta tämä on väärän makuista. Ei tee mieli päästä jälkiruokaan, joka on rahkaa. Kotona ei ikinä ole rahkaa.

Taputan lattiaa jalalla, jossa on äidin ostamat punaiset päiväkotitossut. Niiden nahkapohjat ovat kivan pehmoiset.

Seinälle on kiinnitetty värikäs juliste, jossa koirahahmo pitelee maitolasia. Se on kiva kuva. Koirasta lähtee pallo, jossa on kirjoitusta jonka jätän huomiotta, enhän osaa vielä lukea. 

Hoitotäti muistuttaa, että kahden haarukallisen jälkeen pääsen jatkamaan leikkejä. Ei minulla ole kiire. 

Eskarilaiset saavat jo ottaa ruokansa itse. He pääsevät myös retkelle laavulle. Eskarit ovat tosi isoja. 

Jos hoitotäti ei käskisi, voisin kaataa spagetit sankoon joka viedään tädin koiralle. Haluaisin nähdä sen koiran mutta sitä ei saa tuoda päiväkotiin. 

Sitten laittaisin lautasen sankoon viereen ja mukin myös ja muistaisi kiittää ruoasta ennen kuin astun käytävään. 

Mutta yhtä hyvin voin myös istua tässä. 

Word count: 52,734 Parts: 4 Fandom: Mindhunter (TV 2017) Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Holden Ford/Bill Tench Characters: Bill Tench, Wendy Carr, Holden Ford, Edmund Kemper Additional Tags: Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Panic Attacks, Dialogue Heavy, Mentions of Murder, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Period-Typical Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Victim Blaming, Infidelity, BDSM, Unhealthy Relationships, True Crime, Consent Issues Summary:

Set directly after the season one finale. Bill Tench tries to get to the bottom of what happened at Vacaville.

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Rec: So many times as I was reading this, I just had to pause and have a little shiver because there are so many perfectly written moments. This is the kind of writing, the kind of fic, that makes me envious. It’s smart. Brisk. Authoritative. Incisive. Takes the canon and gets inside it, expands it and makes it better. Sets up home in the characters’ heads and teases out their dark corners, coaxes things out that you might not have thought of at first but that now make perfect sense.

    The golden adorned slayer sat quietly in the darkened room. The other’s had fallen asleep easily, but he couldn’t get himself to rest his eyes, despite being exhausted. Sparing a glance at his snoozing companions, heavy thoughts began weighing down on him before he slouched forward in his designated futon. 

    Feelings of insecurity and doubt taunted him, reminding him of instances that made him shrink in discomfort, and provoking negativities concerning any notion of a future he might grasp at. Tired eyes fixed on his hands, twirling a blue-eyed grass bloom gently. A sigh escaped him. He was so lost to his own cognition, that he didn’t notice when the girl approached him. Only when she cupped his face delicately did he blink up at her. It took him several moments, but he finally registered her presence, the edge of his lip twitched and his features warmed gently.

    The words that escaped her... He was certain she wasn’t speaking of the flower in his hand.. Her gaze was fixed on his own. He.. was the flower..? She thought he was good?? It suddenly occurred to him that she was trying to comfort him, and that he was noticeably moping. That being said, he felt a tear roll down his cheek, and his expression abruptly scrunched up, betraying him and reeking of his overwhelming despondence.

    The remark, little as it may seem, MEANT THE WORLD TO HIM. It was genuine, and the sound radiating from her entity seemed sad, but loving.. Concerned. Leaning into her touch, he dropped the delicate bloom and raised a hand to cover that belonging to her. Despite finding himself unable to vocalize it, his eyes sparkled with gratitude. She.. They.. Cared for him in tender ways he’s never experienced. Ways he’s always desperately longed for. And it helped ease away the pain and anxiety he felt.. The uncertainties that branded his thoughts and painted reality in a disturbing light. He loved them so much. They were his family.