#lampooning

One day i started dreaming of this scenario: i would switch universes with a self that was far good-er, far kinder, and far better than me. Her companions would look at me with contempt and weigh the values of our self on the scale. Ultimately, they would judge that hers far outweighs mine. But the strange thing in this dream is that i felt no insecurity. I felt no envy for my other self being so loved by her companions. I felt no envy that she is a far better person than i. I felt no envy that people would choose her over me. And its not because i suddenly loved myself. Its that i know this little girl: i know her hopes, her dreams, her fears, her hurt. I know it all. I know how she cried, how she survived, how she hated herself, how she believed she was unlovable. Despite this belief continuing to live inside me among my lifelong attempt to unlearn it, when i look back at all versions of my past self… I’ve never hated them. Not at all. I feel an overwhelming sense of love. I felt sorry for them, wishing i could give them a hug. I found myself wanting to sing them to sleep, promising them that tomorrow would be better. In the face of any alternate version of myself, kinder, more talented—better. I would always choose that little girl. Always. Even if no one chose me. I, so dearly see that i wouldn’t have it any other way.