#bibi writes

You tapped your pen on your chin, staring at the work in your journal in deep thought.

Today's adventure sounded boring, so you decided not to go. Instead you wanted to work on your own creative endeavors as a way to unwind and relax from all the… Chaos that's been the last few adventures.

You liked your new friends and honestly, life here wasn't so terrible—if you ignore the existential horror that accompanies it. But then again, what's life without a little philosophical anguish and despair?

…Wow, what an awesome train of thought.

You shook your head and brought your pen to the paper again, adding onto the piece you were already creating. If you were going to have existential angst, the least you could do is vent it out in your creative process.

That is, if you had any inspiration in mind to use…

Your thoughts were interrupted when you heard a rattle from the lock of your bedroom door, and your eyes flicked up to the source of the noise.

The door swung open to reveal a very tall, very tired-looking purple rabbit. You couldn't quite pinpoint the exact emotion in his expression, but the closest you could get was boredom mixed with malcontent.

You smiled, placing the pen in the spiral of your journal and shutting it closed to place on your night stand.

“Back from the adventure, already?” you joked, pressing your palms on the bed and pulling yourself up a little. Though, Jax didn't seem to return the smile.

He grumbled something under his breath and shut your door behind him, miserably trudging up to your bed and flopping face first on top of you.

You grunted, letting out a small oof! when his weight collapsed on top of you. Your smile disappeared, instead replaced with a look of befuddlement.

“Uh, Jax?” you chuckled, mildly amused by how frustrated the poor bunny seemed, but mostly puzzled at what's going on. “Everything okay?”

Jax responded by mumbling something, muffled by your stomach that his face was buried in. He squirmed on the bed a little and shifted his position, wrapping his lanky arms around you and bringing his legs up to curl them against you.

Okay, now you were effectively confused. What was he being so clingy for??

“Jax get off,” you huffed, gently pushing on his shoulder. The only thing that earned you was a whine from him, followed by an even louder growl and a tighter grasp when you pushed harder.

Jax stuck his face in your chest, refusing to move, which led you to sigh heavily and lay back against your pillows again. You placed a hand on his head and gently patted, your face hanging neutrally.

What a weirdo…

That thought was only validated when you felt him gently start rubbing his chin and cheek against you, and you could've sworn you heard a soft purr from him as he did so. He rubbed his chin against your collarbone before gently nuzzling your neck and sighing as he relaxed again.

Your eyes darted from a random direction in your bedroom and back to him multiple time as you tried to decipher what was going on.

Did he have a brain tumour?

Was that even possible in the Digital Circus??

You shook your head and looked down at Jax again, refocusing on the situation at hand. Albeit the puzzled expression on your face, you figured… It was… Kinda cute, maybe…?

The way he softly breathed as he rested on top of you, his chest subtly rising and falling. You leaned over a bit to observe his expression, and he was smiling softly with his eyes closed.

All of this was incredibly bizarre. However, you couldn't help but think it was a little… endearing, in a way.

The most logical explanation you could come up with was that you must've been the only person he trusted in the circus to be this vulnerable around. It made sense in your head because you spoke to him the most kindly out of everyone.

However, you couldn't deny that it was quite odd seeing this trust in action.

You smiled, your expression relaxing into one of soft affection. It wasn't often that Jax acted this adorable, so heck it, why not? You brought your hand to his head, gently petting him behind his ears. He leaned into your touch, and you began to scritch him in response.

“So… Did you have a bad adventure or something?” you snickered teasingly, your free hand resting on his back.

Jax mumbled in response, sighing out a soft grumble. He pouted, so you took that as a yes, and you giggled softly at his flustered reaction.

“Aww, poor baby. There was no blood, death, or violence?” you teased, which he flicked his pupils up to glare at you for.

Jax didn't look amused at all, which made you grin and start to snicker at his adorably angry eyes. He only narrowed them the more you laughed at him, his ears irately pinning back against his head.

“Abstract yourself.”

You cackled loudly at that comment, which he didn't seem to appreciate. He growled and pinched your side in retaliation, which you yelped and flinched at in surprise.

“Ow! Okay okay!” You giggled, patting his head as he slumped back down on top of you like an annoyed puppy. You couldn't help but find him stupidly hilarious and adorable whenever he was frustrated. You could never take him seriously, even when he did some shiz like tie you to the ceiling fan or shove you off the jungle gym.

Jax was acutely aware of how much amusement you found in his petty gestures towards you, and honestly your laugh was worth not making them worse. It always helped him feel better to see you so amused at his antics. Much better than when Ragatha yelled at him or when Gangle started crying.

He hid his face from your view, because he couldn't prevent the smile from creeping onto his face as you continued to giggle. However, that didn't stop him from gently pinching your ribs this time, earning another yelp and a louder giggle from you.

“Hehe hey! Quit that,” you protested with a playful grin, but he just clung even tighter onto you. His fingers gently fluttered up and down your ribs, making you laugh even harder and start to squirm.

“Makin’ fun of me, huh? Not taking me seriously, huh?” he pretended to scold, using his weight to keep you pinned on the bed. His face was still hidden in your shoulder, since he couldn't keep himself from grinning widely at how funny you were when you were laughing so hard. “Shame on you, Y/N. I thought we were friends. Is this how you treat your friends?”

“We ahahare friehehends!!” you squealed, giggling and trying to shove him off of you. But you knew this was a sign he was feeling better, no matter how much he wanted to hide that. Tears of mirth began to prick at your eyes the harder you laughed, you didn't even know if you were laughing from the tickling or from how stupid Jax was acting right now.

Meanwhile Jax was enjoying the sounds of your laughter, tickling you for a bit longer before he relented and rested his arm around your waist again. He lifted his head to observe your tired expression, a playful grin on his face.

You still had some residual giggles to get out, but you smiled back at him, poking where his nose would be.

Jax playfully rolled his eyes and settled his head on the pillow, next to where yours rested. He placed his hand on your cheeks and used his thumb and forefinger to squish your face into a kissy expression. His grin stretched even wider at the silly expression he forced on you, and even snickered when you giggled in response.

“So what were you doing before I got here to make your existence worthwhile?” he teased, still keeping your face in that pose and squishing it a few times.

You, being unable to talk, made a series of fish noises instead, which prompted him to laugh even more at your total acceptance of this predicament. He let his hand go off your face just to bring it to his head to laugh harder.

You grinned, letting him get it out of his system. It was so often that Jax played the clown for you whenever you were sad, so seeing him genuinely laugh so hard at something you were doing was a little heartwarming.

“What, you don't understand fishy-nese?” you giggled, making him wheeze even harder and throw his back on the bed, his arm over his face as he cackled. “I thought you were fluent in all languages, Jax.”

“WhEHENnn—” Jax tried to compose himself, but was still giggling softly. “When did I say thahat!?”

“Oh, so now you're lying to me.”

Jax snorted and let out another series of cackles and giggles as you laughed right along with him. His eyes finally met yours when he quickly composed himself again. You gave him a cheeky expression, he returned it with a shake of his head. He poked your nose, wrapping his arms around you again.

“You're impossible,” he chuckled warmly, resting his head on top of yours. He poked your cheek, pinching it lightly before resting his hand next to your face. “But really, what were you doing?”

“Eh, the usual,” you hummed, picking up your journal and waving it in the air a bit to show him. “Wanna see what I've been working on?”

“Is it more cringe?”

“Yeah, you'll love it.”

Jax snorted at your quip, then shrugged. He shifted his position so he could hold you and see your journal at the same time, then he sighed quietly and smiled, glancing down. “Yeah, sure. Whatcha got, pipsqueak?”

living with han jisung was like starring in your very own sitcom. it was chaotic, unpredictable, and occasionally hazardous to your health. like the time he tried to make pancakes.

"yn! breakfast is almost ready!" jisung called from the kitchen.

the phrase alone was enough to set off alarm bells. you hurried out of your room to investigate, and sure enough, smoke was already curling out of the kitchen doorway.

"ji, what did you do?" you demanded, rushing in to find him frantically fanning a smoking frying pan with a dish towel.

"it's fine! everything's under control!" he insisted, though the blackened.. um.. something... that was in the pan was saying something else. "why does it smell like you set a campfire in here?" "its artistic, okay? slightly charred is a valid flavor profile"

you snatched the pan from him and dumped the remains into the trash. "artistic my ass.. hannie, you literally almost set off the smoke alarm! what did i say about unsupervised cooking?"

he pouted, rubbing the back of his neck. "i just wanted to make breakfast for you, y'know? as a surprise.."

your annoyance softened a little. "that's sweet" you admitted. "but maybe next time, let's stick to cereal."

"or", he said, brightening, "you could cook and i could supervise!"

"you supervise? the guy who just tried to set the kitchen on fire?" "exactly! teamwork makes the dream work, right??"

you rolled your eyes affectionately, shoving a bowl of cereal into his hands. "here. eat this before you burn the whole building down"

"fine.. but i'm still your favorite roommate, right?"

"you're literally my only roommate, hanji.." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

it was pouring rain when you returned from your grocery run, your arms full of bags and your raincoat looked.. rather suspicious. jisung, lounging on the couch, perked up as soon as you walked in.

"uhh yn, what's in your coat..?" "..groceries?" "nuh-uh. groceries don't move." "it's.. a new kind of.. pasta..?"

"c'mon, what's in there??", he reached for the zipper, but you backed away, clutching your coat protectively.

but just then, a tiny, muffled meow escaped from your coat. both of you froze. "...", jisung was pointing at you like you'd just confessed to a crime. "is there a cat in your coat?"

you sighed and unzipped your coat to reveal a soaking wet, shivering black kitten curled up inside. "i mean come on! couldn't just leave her, she was in a box by the road, and it was raining so hard! look at her, she's so small!"

jisung stared at the kitten for a long moment before it let out another tiny meow. "so… can we keep her? please?" you spoke again.

he groaned. "yn you know i'm a dog guy! what am i supposed to do with a cat?"

the kitten blinked up at him with its big, round eyes, and his resolve melted immediately. "..fine", he muttered. "but i'm naming her bean."

"bean?"

"yeah" he said smugly. "because she's black, like a coffee bean. and also because she's cute, like me." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

it didn't take long for bean to integrate herself into your chaotic little household. she adored climbing onto jisung's lap while he was gaming, batting at his controller until he lost matches.

one night, you came home to find jisung lying on the couch, wearing an expression of pure betrayal. bean was perched on his chest, staring him down with judgment. a lot of judgement.

"what happened..?" you asked, setting your bag down.

"she ate my last slice of pizza" he said mournfully.

you snorted. "you left it on the coffee table. that's, like, basically an invitation."

"she's a menace", he grumbled. still, he smiled softly when he looked back at bean. "she's just like you."

"...excuse me?" "black cat energy." "what?" "y'know?? you're all aloof and sarcastic, but deep down, you care. you just don't show it much." were you in a romcom?

your cheeks warmed. "whatever, hannie..." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

it was just some thursday evening when everything changed. you were in the kitchen, stirring a pot of soup, while jisung leaned on the counter, watching you.

"you're unusually quiet", you said without looking up.

"hm? 's nothing." his voice was soft, almost hesitant.

you glanced over your shoulder, only to find him staring at you with an expression you couldn't quite place.

"you're acting weird lately."

he chuckled nervously. "i just-" he hesitated, running a hand through his hair. "i think i'm in love with you."

the spoon in your hand froze mid-stir. "...what?"

"i'm serious", he continued. "you're… everything. you're funny and caring, even when you try not to be. you brought home a cat, for crying out loud, because you couldn't stand to see it suffer in the rain. you cook me dinner when i'm too lazy to fend for myself, and you make this place feel like home."

your heart thudded painfully in your chest as you turned to face him fully. "jisung-"

"i know it's a lot", he said quickly. "and i'll get it if you don't feel the same. but i couldn't keep it in anymore."

for a long moment, the room was silent except for the simmering stew. then, slowly, a smile crept across your face. "you're an idiot", you said, your voice shaking slightly.

"...wh-"

"i love you too", you admitted. you could feel your cheeks burning up. now, when i tell you his face lit up like a fucking christmas tree, i mean it. "wait, really?!" "..shut up and set the table before the food gets cold."

he beamed, practically skipping off to grab plates, while bean watched from her perch on the counter, tail flicking smugly. you could swear she was planning her next bit of chaos.

you ring the bell of his apartment, cheerfully, carrying a bag full of his favorite food. the door opens and he says, rather coldly “go away, i don’t need you here” and snatches the bag of food from you as he slams the door on your face.

you stare at his door in shock. what the hell was that? you went to see for his sake, and this is how he behaved? tears roll down your cheeks, and you head back home. once you’re home, you make yourself a cup of coffee, and fume silently at beomgyu’s behavior. just then, you get a message from him. he texted that he’s sorry for being so rude. you ignore his message. he sends another text, saying saying that he won’t hurt you again, and he wanted you to live with him for a few days.

out of your love for him, you forgive him and text him that you’d be there at his place in 10 minutes. when you’re finally at his place, you both make yourselves cozy on his couch. you can’t help but think about how distant he’s been the entire evening. to interrupt the awkward silence, you ask, “how are you feeling now, gyu? shall i make dinner for us? your favorite food?” and he replies, “firstly, my name’s beomgyu, not gyu. stop with your silly pet names” “but-“ you interrupt, only to get cut off by him, “second, do not make dinner if you think you’re doing me a favor. i don’t need your favor anyway” he snaps.

his words pierce your heart like a dagger. you silently curse his ex, because of whom he was being so toxic. thinking about all this, you doze off on the sofa. beomgyu, meanwhile, gets up to go to the balcony. he looks up at the sky, trying to soothe his mind by looking at the stars and forget everything what happened. instead, it brings in even more chaos in his mind and heart. taking out his phone, he scrolls through the photos of his ex. a single drop of tear falls from his eyes, and he feels a hand stroking his back.

he turns around to find you calmly reassure. for some reason, he pushes you away from him. with that, he walks out of the room, leaving you all by yourself to cry. i’m going nuts, i shouldn’t have pushed her, he thinks. he felt like pulling out every strand of his hair. it felt like his heart and emotions were frozen. and he knew no way to melt them.

for the next few days, he snaps at you with his venomic words. his words hit your heart like a cold, merciless breeze, yet you endure everything, because you love him. meanwhile, beomgyu drowns deeper in his misery. you do everything, to make him happy, from bringing in his favorite apple shaped balloons to buying his favorite ice cream, in hopes of warming him with your love.

but of course, nothing works. he was too blind in his hate and regret. you walk aimlessly around his house, searching for something, but you can feel nothing. he passes right in front of you, wordlessly. how cruel could he be? couldn’t he bother to talk to you? or atleast let you comfort him? you hear him talk to someone, and you tiptoe all over to his room, where you hear him say “yeah, well, she’s a bother. the only good thing is that she cooks for me and shit, but i’d rather want her gone. it’s mom who’s forced me to let her stay with me, cause mom thinks i might do something silly.”

that’s it. the last straw. you’re done with him, and you pack your suitcase to leave. “wait!” yells beomgyu behind you and you reply, “no, it’s too late now. i tried to do everything to make you feel better, instead you pushed me away, and spat venom. i regret ever trying to help, i regret ever loving you. i loved you so much, beomgyu, you always meant more than a best friend to me. but not anymore, i see you as a cold monster, who’s hurt me, emotionally, mentally, and even physically, even though it was only once.”

your words “i loved you so much, beomgyu” spin in his head. you loved him, but he was ignorant to your love. he knew, you were right. he was too harsh towards you, when you didn’t deserve it. you were there to comfort him but he instead took his anger and hatred out on you. “please, y/n, don’t leave me” he begs, but you shake your head “ i can’t do this anymore, you should’ve thought what you were doing before behaving like an asshole. don’t hurt the ones who love you for the ones you hate. “ and you walk out through his door, wheeling your suitcase behind you.

tears stain his cheeks. you left him forever, he’s lost you. he knows that he has to change, but the lack of his effort just further brings back to his misery, it’s like he trapped in an iceberg, with nowhere to escape. he hates himself, he hates his ex, he hates everyone who’s brought him this pain. he needed flame to melt him, to heal him lovingly , but his flame was gone. he’s in chaos and his back rests against the wall, the blizzard in his soul grows bigger, and he’s frozen.

tagging : @xenjinwoo @lost-lepord-beanie @jay-kie @sailor–yoon @mari-kigold @jungwon-luv-bot-pt3 @moonxroses @coco-riki @vantaengelic @oifelixcmerebrou @affectionaterainoflove @hoe-for-sunghoon @wevebbon @jays-real-girlfriend @spicyjaem (lemme know if you wanna be tagged!)