#kyohei

DAS:VASSER

I'm not going to write much about it

It was a fun-going anime, and I really liked it

But I don't know, part of me really resonated with Sunako, how she feels and you know, but more than that, what I really loved about this anime was how Kyohei never really wanted to change her, he accepted her as she is

And he liked her

And how they were really two pieces of puzzles that just kinda fit

And the way there wasn't really all that lovey-dovey stuff going on, but rather sheer competitiveness and them having fun, and being friends even when not really realising it, him making her realise without meaning to

There was just so much genuinity, that it made me happy

Also I want to be like Sunako, just that, accept the things that I like and be myself rather than trying to be a superficial person, even to myself

It's really difficult to figure out myself, even for myself

I don't know what are the things that bother me, i don't know how to process my emotions, i don't know how to be with people, how to take first steps into something new, how to look at people as people and actually empathise with them

Because looking back, I've always thought I have empathy, but something snapped within me and it made me question, whether I actually do have empathy or am I just thinking that I do? Because when it comes to the people who are closest to me, my family and my dog, I say things abruptly, I get annoyed, and irritated quite easily, So do I have empathy? Because if I had empathy, wouldn't I realise the position they're in? And the things they're doing?

It's such a weird spiral

And it's so difficult to figure things out

When someone likes me, or I like someone, I don't know how to behave, it's like, I just want to be me, but I get so nervous and maybe those people pleasing tendencies kick in, but in all honesty, I just want to be so strong and confident to behave just like myself rather than a version which I don't understand if I am or if I am just pretending

You see what I'm talking about? It's difficult to figure out, who and what I am, and what I feel, everything becomes so distorted, that the lines between what's what and what's not, I can't see them.

I just want to be me.

And for that, i must figure out what exactly is me?

And I don't know where to start

But I know, that I want to be me, and I want to keep improving the version of myself and accept it and give it warmth and happiness.

Maybe I am an asshole, and an insensitive person, but I want to be someone who's not that. Maybe I am insecure and have fears regarding abandonment, I want to get over them and assure myself. I don't know what I am, and I just want to know and understand.