â synopsis: kim mingyu is a dear friend. a dear friend that spends nights in your arms, said nights set aflame with the tick tick tick of your gas stove when he makes you dinner, and searing kisses when he lays you down in your bed. yes, kim mingyu is a dear friend...and you wish he were more.
â genre: friends with benefits to lovers au; fluff, angst, some suggestive/smutty content.
â pairing: kim mingyu x fem!reader
â word count: 11.8k
â rating: 18+. minors do not interact.
â warnings: they're stupid. literally so fucking stupid. fighting, mentions of infidelity, jealousy & insecurities. mildly sexual themes and content: brief p in v scene, there's a titty in his mouth, etc. kissing, pet names (babe/baby, sweetheart, honey, etc.)
â what to listen to: ribs - lorde ; starbright - dabin, trella ; people watching - conan gray ; hard part's over - hoang, page ; like real people do - hozier ; fineshrine - purity ring.
â author's note: thank you to @/saradika-graphics here on tumblr for these daisy dividers! that being said, this is not proofread, but it was beta'd by my dear @starlightkyeom. another fic for thee gyuldaengie ever, @gyuswhore because i posted late and i just love you that dang much. dedicated to em (again!) i love you. âĄ
KIM MINGYU COULD VERY WELL BE THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE.Â
Sweet, thoughtful, and delicate. Fragile, even: in ego, in sex, in love.Â
Sometimes, you think heâs made for you. Like Eve was made for Adam, by the rib. Sometimes you feel an ache in your left side, and you wonder if itâs the lack of Mingyuâs lingering presence â only to see him a week later, shown up to your front door with a beautiful bouquet and a bottle of wine.Â
Kim Mingyu is the petals of every flower in all the bouquets heâs ever given you. Velvety soft, perfectly cared for and beautiful.Â
But just as he is all those things â he is your Achillesâ heel. You can never say no to Kim Mingyu, can never admit that he something more to you than you care to acknowledge beyond just that â something more.Â
And just as easily as those flowers of yours were picked, they were tossed. Once they died, they served no value. Youâd watch the petals fall onto your desk for a while, dried and crisp; before inevitably swiping them into the trash can and dumping the dirty water into the sink. The vase waited, empty (like you,) to be refilled once Mingyu swung by for his bi-monthly fix.Â
It wasnât always like this.Â
You used to save some of the petals, some of the flowers themselves. Press them in wax paper between heavy books and forget about them until you read the books again. Youâd toy with the dried petals, before they eventually became littered around your apartment â in the form of coasters, framed on the walls, even a pair of earrings you once made at a crafts class.Â
Because in the beginning, in the very beginning â Mingyu was just your friend.Â
He was your very nice, very attentive friend that brought you gorgeous bouquets from his florist friendâs shop, always picked out by Mingyu himself â down to the colorful paper wrapping and satin bow. Youâd rarely see him more than once or twice a month as it was, because Mingyu is a very busy man â so the flowers were always accompanied with an apologetic smile and a quick kiss to your cheek. Youâd make dinner together, or heâd cook for the two of you; his presence warm and inviting even in your own home. Â
Heâd serve you a glass of wine or three, plate your dinner like youâre at a nice restaurant and hand you extra silverware in case one of you fell victim to his butterfingers â and he knew your apartment like the back of his hand. He knew you like the back of his hand.Â
Then, you kissed.Â
One time. By complete and utter accident.Â
You had moved into his typical cheek kiss in greeting, the both of you springing away almost immediately when you felt each otherâs lips. You both spewed apologies like geysers, talking over one another before you both laughed at the ridiculousness of it all.Â
âNo more kisses, got it. Couldâve said something earlier, you know.â He joked, but finally greeted you with a warm hug paired with a mumbled itâs so nice to see you that made your stomach flutter for the first time ever. You were wide eyed as you allowed yourself to be enveloped in the warmth of his body, in the soft feeling of his cashmere sweater that youâd given him for his birthday many moons ago.Â
Unfortunately, the attempt to make dinner together was awkward. You were both anxiously trying to keep things level, trying to crack jokes and talk about your lives outside of each other when you just sighed; your hands on your hips as you glanced at him in your pink apron that was much too small.Â
And he kissed you â this time, with purpose. He held your face gently between his hands, your own fisting the stupidly expensive cashmere sweater that left you without eggs and bread that month. Â
Dinner wasnât homemade, after all. Heâd turned the stove off in your frenzy to pull his belt off, his hands holding you flush to him as he led you both to your bedroom â where heâd shown you exactly why his ex-girlfriend canât leave him alone, and why your ex-boyfriend constantly felt inferior to him. He made it clear he wanted you, even if it was just for the night â and he wasnât about to fuck up the only potential chance heâd gotten.Â
You both fell asleep before either of you could say anything about the missed dinner, and the morning after was full of shy stares and a silent agreement â after you asked him if heâd even wanted to be your friend, if this was his plan all along. He admitted honestly that heâd never anticipated something like this and he never secretly wanted you, either â that heâd been your friend because he loves you, because youâre sweet and funny, because youâre you.Â
Twice a month. Dinner. Sex. Repeat. Just to get the taste of each other off your tongues, to fill the void of feeling someone next to you while youâre sleeping.Â
Eventually, you realized that things between you and Mingyu had grown to be just that â a fix. A bi-monthly, sometimes tri-monthly, fix; where he came to your apartment and still yielded those beautiful flowers. Heâd gotten more into making dinner on his own, and youâd choose somethnig to watch â and youâd spend an hour or so filling each other in about your time apart over the warm meal and some stupid movie, if not Gilmore Girls.Â
Until one of you leans in for the first kiss of the tumble, and the illusion of romance shatters at your fingertips.Â
Not because Mingyu isnât romantic; if anything, the guy could drown you in romance. In soft touches, in mood lighting, in catering to your every need while still meeting his own with little intereference. Heâs kind and gentle, with an edge that makes your skin prickle when he works you over with his tongue between your thighs after peeling your clothes off with needy hands. Heâs a bitch when his teeth nip at the skin of your thighs, his fingers digging into the meat of them like heâs scared youâll disappear if he makes the wrong move; and you can feel the way he smiles against you as he brings you to the first orgasm of the night.Â
Heâs yours when he kisses you like you mean everything to him, when he holds your knees to your chest while you cry on his cock. Heâs yours when he holds you close, massaging your hips and kissing the expanse of your bare shoulders.Â
And you are his.Â
You are absolutely, irrevocably his when he slips inside you for the second time that night â his teeth sinking lightly into your shoulder at how sensitive he is but he loves the way you feel. Shuddered whimpers will fill the room, murmurs of missing you when heâs gone as he nibbles on your earlobe; he leaves a mess between your thighs, snugly wrapped in your walls as you both drift to sleep.Â
Every. Single. Time.Â
Maybe itâs not all that romantic.Â
Maybe itâs just...sex. Casual sex that convinces you itâs more the moment you press your lips to his because youâre so certain Heaven is a place on Earth â and itâs in Kim Mingyuâs arms.Â
Thatâs where it all ends, anyway. Heâs gone in the morning without much conversation; youâll shower together like real couples do and heâs started keeping a few changes of clothes in your apartment. Youâll brush you teeth together like real couples do; heâll even rub lotion on your back before kissing the back of your neck and asking if you want breakfast. If you say no, he leaves.Â
If you say yes...heâll make breakfast, an entire spread. Heâll make coffee, and heâll sit right next to you in the cute breakfast nook that sold you on your apartment three years ago â right after youâd broken up with that ex-boyfriend that never liked Mingyu. For who he was, what he stood for or what he could provide...you werenât all that sure.Â
But you donât really care, either.Â
Mingyu helped decorate your apartment. He helped you make it yours and even slept on the floor of your bedroom with you when you were too scared to be alone on the first night. He didnât complain about his very obviously sore neck the next morning, only giving you a quick hug goodbye as he left to his apartment six blocks away for a shower â and returning within two hours to help you paint your bathroom.Â
They say that friends to lovers is the best way to go. Friends that know each otherâs coffee orders by heart, turning into lovers that deliver said coffee with a kiss on the lips. Friends that help each other pick an outfit for a night out, becoming lovers who take said outfit off at the end of the night with their lips running down each otherâs shoulders and other unnamed places.Â
Lovers, who mean it more than words can explain, and the warmth of a fire could never rival the true heat behind it â the three little words that linger on your tongue.Â
That stupid, stupid I love you.Â
But you are you, and Mingyu is...well, heâs Mingyu.Â
Youâre not sure what you are. Youâre certainly not friends, but youâre not lovers...youâre just Y/N and Mingyu, in limbo. No label, no questions and consequently, no answers.Â
And you want an answer. You want to know what itâs like for him to hold you closer when you move away to slip out of your bed in the morning. You want to know what itâs like for him to flip you onto your back and kiss you despite the morning breath, what itâs like to be Mingyuâs, eternally, and never have a way out.Â
But...you are you.Â
And you know better.Â
ITâS WEDNESDAY NIGHT WHEN YOUR PHONE PINGS ACROSSÂ APARTMENT.Â
You move out of the kitchen, making your way to it and grabbing it off the coffee table before flopping onto your couch.Â
NEW! (3) Messages From: Mingyu âĄÂ
[4:21 PM] hey, y/nÂ
[4:21 PM] just a quick question, are you free this friday?Â
[4:21 PM] no pressure đÂ
Youâre aptly draped across the couch for a distressed sigh as you read the messages. You throw your arm over your eyes, your heart beating just a little faster â there's a pot of stew heating up on the stove, and the whole house smells delicious as you close your eyes, knowing exactly how this could go.Â
Heâll show up at your doorstep, ten minutes before he said heâd be there. Heâll be wearing one of his nice shirts â maybe itâll be that baby blue one that you love â maybe itâll be the dark red that he always tucks neatly into slacks. Maybe heâll be dressed down, something you donât to see all that often â sweatpants and a zip-up hoodie, but heâll still be carrying that stupidly large bouquet of flowers and a bottle of your favorite wine. Heâll kiss you hello again, but it wonât be on your cheek â no, heâll kiss your lips.Â
Heâll kiss your lips and hold your waist gently, pulling you into him. Heâll nip at your lower lip, inching his way into the apartment and shutting the door with his foot before setting the flowers down on the foyer table and pulling away. Heâll say itâs nice to see you, that he missed you, that he wants to hear about your day before kissing you breathless.Â
Because heâs Mingyu.Â
âAnd Iâll fall for it every damn time,â you sigh, staring at the screen. Your fingers move quickly, typing a singular âsureâ, only to see his read receipt pop up before you can even sit up. Like heâs waiting for you to answer â sat at his desk, the one thatâs shoved in the corner of his office and way too cramped for a guy his size. The one thatâs piled high with confidential documents, that he eats his lunch at that he packs himself early in the mornings.Â
The one heâs sent you a few suggestive pieces of media from, the image of his silver watch moving up and down your screen still burned into your mind.Â
NEW! (2) Messages from: Mingyu âĄÂ
[4:26 PM] hm, donât know if i liked the way you answered that.Â
[4:26 PM] are you okay?Â
Are you?Â
You donât get much of a chance to reply before heâs calling you. You quickly decline it, texting back with the excuse that youâre in the shower.Â
NEW! (2) Messages from: Mingyu âĄÂ
[4:27 PM] youâre literally laying on your couch. you donât shower until six.Â
[4:28 PM] this is your âlazy girlâ time, youâve told me. i know.Â
âCurse your memory, Kim Mingyu,â you grumble, fumbling around to call him on Facetime. He picks up on the second ring, putting his AirPod in â but heâs not dressed the way he usually is after work. Or rather, during: heâs still got thirty minutes to his workday.Â
But youâre not complaining at the sleeveless white shirt, feeling your cheeks hot as he raises a brow at you through the screen.Â
âWhat are you doing?â You prop yourself up on a throw pillow, only for Mingyu to flip the camera and show the inside of your favorite grocery store, âwhat are you doing there? Itâs Wednesday, you should be at work.âÂ
âAnd you should tell me whatâs got you so pouty.â He says pointedly, propping you up in the cart as he grabbed a bag for tomatoes. Youâre silent as you watch him pick them out carefully, gentle fingers you miss wrapped around your throat squeezing the fruit softly. You blink as the thought leaves your mind, your mouth dry as you shake it off while he ties the plastic bag expertly.Â
âSo? Whatâs got you so iffy?âÂ
âNothing.âÂ
âYouâre a horrible liar.âÂ
Mingyu gives you a stern look as he hunches over the cart, pursing his lips as his eyes dart around the store for the next item to take him. Maybe peppers. Maybe a tub of soybean paste.Â
Maybe someone else to fill his bed, his heart. His stomach, with delicious meals he never lets you cook for him anymore because, in his words â you're tired. You work so hard and youâve had a long day, sweetheart. Just sit on the island and keep me company.Â
âNeed an answer sooner rather than later, sweetheart.â His voice is gentle as he grabs your attention again, only making you scoff as you wave him off with your hand.Â
âSeriously, Iâm fine.âÂ
âI dunno. First, you give me a one-word answer. Never in our six-year friendship have you responded to me that way, even when youâre in a bad mood.âÂ
You tongue your cheek as he stops the cart in the snack aisle, your eyes floating immediately to the cinnamon biscuits right next to his head. He reaches for them, tossing the box into his cart without a second thought before reading the ingredients on a box of almond cookies, ânext, you lie to me. A bold-faced lie, and to my face, at that.âÂ
âI lied to your phone screen, dramatic ass.â You mutter, watching the way his fingers drum against the yellow box. Heâs wearing the ring youâd given him for Christmas last year, the white gold snug on his thumb as he hums. He puts the box back, grabbing another with a click of his tongue.Â
âThat I pay the bill on, mind you. So, youâre wasting time and money instead of just telling me what your deal is.âÂ
âThere is no deal, Mingyu. Iâm not BOGO.â You snort, shifting on your couch and resting your arm under your head. He looks at the phone, tossing the cookies into his cart, âI should be glad, BOGO of you would kill me. Youâre more like buy one, get one half off.âÂ
âI think Iâm more of a buy-two, get one free.âÂ
âThatâs even worse. One of you is more than enough. And thatâs coming from me, someone who gets all of you regularly and happily, at that.âÂ
ââAll of meâ is a technicality.â You roll your eyes, only watching the tips of his ears turn pink as he analyzes yet another box. Crackers this time, cheddar ones. Not your favorite, and infinitely inferior to the Parmesan ones.Â
âBe realistic, thereâs no one but me. Youâre just for me.â He murmurs, but the microphone catches it anyway. You tongue your cheek as he puts the box back, instead grabbing the Parmesan ones and throwing them in the cart. Your cheeks heat slightly as he nibbles on his lip, likely deep in thought as he looks over his cart.Â
âEven if thatâs true, you could still be nice to me.âÂ
âIâm so nice to you! I make you dinner, I buy you flowers, and I check in with you regularly. I get you gifts, I fixed your leaky faucet, and I rewired your entire gaming system after you moved into your apartment and didnât want to figure it out. Iâm the nicest guy ever, especially to you.â He huffs, and you let out a chuckle that makes his lips twitch. He masks it by sucking his teeth, and you shrug with an amused look on your face.Â
âYou cook me dinner because you want to, you buy me flowers because you feel guilty and you check in with me because your job keeps you from actually seeing me more than once or twice a month. You get me gifts to make up for the fact that youâre not around as often, you fixed my leaky faucet because I practically begged you to, and you rewired my gaming system because you and Wonwoo wanted to play GTA for six hours.â You point your finger at him, watching the way he nods before picking up his phone. The camera pauses, the sound of Left Right by XG playing in the store the only sound coming from his end.Â
NEW! Message from: Mingyu âĄÂ
[5:10 PM] i also go down on you because i want to, and i fuck you because i want to. but i donât hear you complaining about that, hm?Â
âBecause I want it, too.â You ignore the heart surging on your cheeks as you watch the message bubble pop up again. Â
NEW! Message from: Mingyu âĄÂ
[5:11 PM] then be nice to me before i stop doing that for us, pillow princess.Â
âI am not a pillow princess! You just never let me do anything!âÂ
The camera unpauses, showing Mingyu rolling his eyes and feigning disinterest before he sets the phone back down, âtell me whatâs up or Iâm coming over impromptu. I wonât give you time to tidy up, either.âÂ
âYou wouldnât do that; you probably have a nice steak in your basket. You wanna go home and cook it and text me all about how Iâm missing out because I live six blocks away and wonât walk to your place because those heels I wear make me too tired.â You snicker, watching the way he mimics you and moves his hand in a talking motion. You only laugh harder, âMingyu!âÂ
âLittle louder, sweetheart. The neigbors know my name, anyway.âÂ
âKim Mingyu, I am a lady.âÂ
âA loud one,â he snorts, sucking his teeth as he makes his way down the liquor aisle. âAre you free on Friday or not? Enthusiastically free, happy-to-see-your-Mingyu free. Not that sure shit, have some respect.âÂ
âMy Mingyu?â You smirk, but itâs a front. Your stomach is fluttering like crazy and you watch the way he bites back his smile to raise a brow at you.Â
âYou know any other Mingyus?âÂ
âPark Mingyu from the finance team that has had the hots for me since before you moved to the city.âÂ
âHe doesnât count, heâs in finance. Youâd get bored in two days.â He rolls his eyes again, âyes or no, sweetheart? My schedule fills up fast and Iâm actively trying to get you in.âÂ
âMore like youâre trying to get in me.âÂ
âThat too, but all Iâm hearing right now is that you hate me. Thatâs not all I have you around for, you know.âÂ
You roll your eyes, sighing. Heâs raking his eyes over you through the camera, grabbing a bottle of wine off the shelf as if itâs muscle memory. The label reads EISA Cabernet â your favorite. Particularly, when he makes you a thick steak with scalloped potatoes and asparagus that almost guarantees you fuck him within an inch of his life.Â
And he never complains.Â
âWhatâs wrong with you?â Â
âNothing, Gyu. I promise.âÂ
He crosses his arms, âI donât believe you.âÂ
âThen donât.âÂ
âYou hate me.âÂ
âSometimes, when you make my steak too rare or you pull out.âÂ
âHaha, so funny.â He sticks his tongue out at you, and you can tell by the signs on the ceiling that heâs moving to the checkout line. âYouâre really not gonna tell me whatâs up with you?âÂ
âWhat do you want me to say, Mingyu? That Iâm in distress? That Iâm having a bad day?â You joke, before pouting exaggeratedly, âoh, please, Mingyu. Iâve had such a long, lonely day. Come over, I need you.âÂ
âStop that.â He huffs, crossing his arms as he leans on the cart. You laugh again, running your hand through your hair as you feel his eyes trailing you. You raise a brow as his eyes stop on your chest, and you dramatically cover the bit of cleavage your V-neck sweater shows. He scoffs, tonguing his cheek as he gets a register, carefully parking the cart. âTilt the camera to your face, I donât need strangers seeing your whole chest.âÂ
âItâs not even my chest, dipshit. Itâs my necklace at best.âÂ
âNecklace I gave you.âÂ
âNever pegged you to be a jealous, possessive man, Mr. Kim.âÂ
âYou donât know a lot of things about me,â he shrugs, and you stick your tongue out at him as he scans his things. He shakes his head as you watch him, your eyes shamelessly trained on his arms as he moves about, before he snaps his fingers in front of the camera, âmust you eye fuck me like that?âÂ
âListen, friends can admire one anotherâs beauty. Thatâs part of it.âÂ
âSure, sweetheart. Friends also tell each other whatâs bothering them, but I guess weâre not all that of friends, hm?âÂ
The double entendre makes you scoff as he swipes his card, his receipt printing loudly as he makes faces at you. You donât speak as he takes the receipt and tucks it into his pocket, listening to him sweetly thank the aunties at the exit as he leaves with his cart. He whistles, âso? Whatâs wrong with you?âÂ
You donât reply, simply turning onto your belly and resting your cheek against the heel of your palm. You prop your phone up against the armrest of your couch, making a show of pulling your sweater down enough that it shows the white lace of your bra.Â
âTease.â He chides as he pops the trunk, âcome on, tell me. Because youâre gonna piss me off and then weâre both in a mood.âÂ
âIâm really fine, Gyu. Iâm tired, Iâm gonna eat some leftovers...maybe watch a movie. It's just one of those days, you know?â You shrug, âitâs not like anything is particularly wrong. I just feel weird, and thatâs okay.âÂ
Youâre lying through your teeth, but he doesnât look all that convince anyway as you hear the timer in your kitchen start going off. You give him a quick smile, âmy foodâs ready, so I gotta go but Iâll see you on Friday, Gyu. I promise Iâm excited to see you.âÂ
âWell, youâd still need the context of whatâs happening on Friday, but sure.â He shrugs, âjust...are you sure youâre okay? I can cancel. Iâll work around you, honey, just let me know.âÂ
You smile inwardly, pushing off the couch and taking your phone with you into the kitchen. You prop it up against your toaster as you reach for a bowl on your tiptoes, âI would say no if I didnât want to see you, Mingyu.âÂ
âI know, butââÂ
âMingyu, baby, please.â You set the bowl down, putting your hands on your hips. Heâs in his car now, pulling his seatbelt on as he balances you on the steering wheel. Heâs pouting, âexpect that impromptu visit anyway.âÂ
âYou never follow through with those, so I will not be cleaning my apartment tonight and I will be in my PJs by nine.â You respond, crossing your arms on your chest as you watch him roll his shoulders back â the fabric of his shirt taut against his chest. He catches you staring at him, his ears tinging pink once more as you smile cheekily, âIâll see you on Friday. Drive safe, okay?âÂ
âI will. Iâll see you later, baby.âÂ
The call ends before he can see you process the petname. Your cheeks are hot as you stare at your home screen, a picture of you that Mingyu took at a burger joint after you and your ex-boyfriend broke up. You had a smear of ketchup on your cheek and Mingyuâs fingers pinching the other â he'd taken you out because you had been the one to break things off after yet another jealous fit about you being friends with Mingyu.Â
When you think about it, he ended up being right â just six months after the breakup, youâd slept with Mingyu for the first time. Â
Jaehyun had always been iffy about Mingyu, but you didnât understand it then, or ever. The two of you had been dating for six months when he met Mingyu, your friend of two years at that point. They met at your birthday party, and Mingyu had been incredibly sweet â he'd greeted him with a firm handshake, complimented his shirt and watch, and asked what he was drinking. Jaehyun had stiffened slightly, likely at the way Mingyu towered over him; but his face soured when Mingyu greeted you next, the way he always had.Â
With that damn cheek kiss.Â
His aftershave was particularly minty that night, and it made something in your stomach lurch but you ignored it. Jaehyun was quiet that entire night, even later when you were both in bed together and he was on top of you â he murmured it, effectively killing your buzz and starting a fight.Â
âI donât like that Mingyu guy.âÂ
Your relationship was no more than two years of weird jealousy afterwards. Jaehyun, however, was worse than you were in the weird terms and conditions of dating these days â he still followed his ex-girlfriends on social media and frequently engaged with their posts (you didnât care.) He still talked to his most recent ex-girlfriend's mother, who he claimed said that he was like a son to her (again, you didnât give a shit.)Â
It seemed to bother Jaehyun that you did not care what he was doing with his âfriendsâ of the opposite sex. He seemed annoyed that you could frequently hang out with your friends without caring about what he thought â posing in photobooths for pictures with your life-long friends Kwon Soonyoung and Lee Seokmin, getting dinner with your old coworker (and BFF-by-proxy) Hansol Chwe, taking shots with said BFF Boo Seungkwan at your favorite bar to celebrate his birthday...Â
Posting pictures of you and Mingyu at a farmerâs market the autumn before the breakup, trying spiked apple cider and pumpkin soup that you ended up bringing home for him to try.Â
Jaehyun didnât like that you had friends he didnât like. He didnt like that you had male friends period, but you simply did not care and especially not when he went on and on about Mingyu like he had a crush on him. You listened to his jealous rants about Soonyoung, Seokmin, Seungkwan and Hansol silently, merely peering up at him through your lashes and sipping whatever drink was closest. However, he really amped it up when he met Mingyu â and went as far as saying he was sure Mingyu wanted to sleep with you.Â
Only for you to find out in two weeks time that Mingyu had been across town that same night, breaking up with his girlfriend for saying the exact same thing about you.Â
She was so sure you wanted Mingyu.Â
And the truth was, youâd never thought about it â ever. Youâd met Mingyu in grad school, through Seokmin â and your first memory of one another was at a horrible group interview for an internship that neither of you got. You stayed in touch following the months after graduation, only getting closer as Mingyu moved to your city a year after and needed friends to hang out with.Â
You were almost always one of those friends. If you couldnât make it, he still made it a point to swing by your place and bring you something from wherever it was that heâd gone. Sometimes it was a thick slice of chocolate cake, sometimes it was an entire baked potato that heâd ordered to-go so youâd have something for lunch the next day. Sometimes it was just a handful of butter mints heâd stolen from the register attendant along with a colorful toothpick.Â
Mingyu is just like that. Sweet and caring and he is a good man. A Good Man, even, with capital letters and capital claim on your heart.Â
You sigh, turning your phone off and leaving it on the counter as you limply serve yourself your dinner. The stew isnât as filling as it wouldâve been had Mingyu made it, but you donât let your mind linger on him too much as you eat on your couch and watch a YouTube video dissecting Pretty Little Liars.Â
Because thinking about Mingyu is bad for your heart. You canât close your eyes when you do it, either â or his body flashes in your mind, the sounds he makes when heâs got your hands pinned to the mattress, the way he calls you baby between kisses that make your skin feel like itâs on fire. You canât close your eyes without remembering the smell of his aftershave filling your nostrils, his fingers tugging at your clothes or the way he coos when you beg him to touch you anywhere.Â
Or...itâs worse, and you remember how good a boyfriend he would be. How good of a husband he would be â always having a spare change of shoes for you in his trunk for those times youâd go out to dinner or to hang out. Always offering his jacket, always holding your hand when you cross the street, always pulling you close when someone thinks itâs okay to get too comfortable with you. How he smooths a hand over your hair out of nervous habit as you worm through farmerâs markets and malls, how heâs easily thrown you over his shoulder several times when youâre throwing an embarrassing fit at a pub or a bar.Â
When he kisses you slowly, in his car that smells like him and you before you both get down. How he thumbs at your earrings when youâre sitting next to him at a restaurant or the movies, and his arm is draped over your shoulders. How he speaks to you softly and listens to you intently â actively interested in everything you have to say and what it means to you.Â
How he cares.Â
It has to be torture, being involved with Kim Mingyu the way you are.Â
But is it torture, at hands so gentle? Lips so soft, words so sweet, a heart so full?Â
You donât think so.Â
9:32 PM.Â
Youâd finished dinner hours ago, and your television was quietly playing some random Spotify playlist. The Kill by Thirty Seconds To Mars is filling your ears as you trill your lips dramatically and scroll on your work laptop, finalizing a presentation while sprawled across your couch. Â
Against your better judgment, youâd cleaned your apartment haphazardly and you took a long shower â but like any girl awaiting potential company, you put on yet another sweater and a skirt (that you dug out of the back of your closet; one that youâd caught Mingyu staring at you in ages ago.) Your pajamas laid neatly folded on your pillowcase, and you told yourself youâd get in bed by 9:45.Â
Itâs unlikely that Mingyu will come by. You checked his location ten minutes ago, and he was at his apartment â likely cuddled up in his bed with all six of his pillows. Mingyu rarely leaves the house after eight on weekdays, anyway...unless heâs seeing you.Â
The time barely ticks past 9:33 p.m. when you hear a soft knock at the door â making you jolt up so fast, you feel something pinch in your neck. You still â glimpsing at the time on your laptop before checking your phone for any potentially missed messages. Mingyu usually texts you if heâs actually coming over...so it canât be him.Â
No lights are on in your apartment but your stove one, so it only makes the atmosphere more tense. You stand up quietly and set your laptop down on your coffee table before hearing another knock â louder this time, the clink of metal on glass making you jump.Â
âY/N, open this damn door.â Â
Mingyuâs voice on the other side makes all fear in your body dissipate in favor of annoyance, and you make your way over; unlocking the door quickly and huffing as you open it. Heâs leaning coolly against the frame, holding a bouquet as usual â but you put your hands on your hips as you look up at him. Â
You hate the way your cheeks grow hot at his soft smile.Â
âItâs not Friday, Kim Mingyu.âÂ
âI can still bring you flowers, baby.âÂ
âBlah, blah, blah.â You make a face at him, opening the door further to let him in and turning on your heel â only to feel his arm wrap around your waist and gently pull your back into his chest. He smells like that same aftershave, your skin prickling as you glance up at him.Â
âIs that how you greet your guests?âÂ
âYouâre hardly a guest, Mingyu. Guests donât know where my silverware is.âÂ
âOr that you keep lube in your nightstand.â He whispers, squeezing your hip as you swat at his arm. You scowl at him as he presses a kiss on your forehead, âI told you I was coming.âÂ
âItâs damn near ten at night.âÂ
âSo? I can just stay over.âÂ
âYou just wanna fuck me.âÂ
âOr I miss you, baby.â He murmurs, pressing another kiss to your temple. âI miss you a lot, actually.âÂ
âBreaking news: Kim Mingyu admits he misses his dearest, smartest, prettiest friend ever. More at eleven.â You snort, letting him turn you around as he smiles. You let him fully wrap his arms around you, your nose filling with that damn aftershave as he smoothly picks you up; your legs wrapping around his waist and your arms around his neck as he kicks your door shut with a kiss to your cheek.Â
âKim Mingyu does,â he replies gently, and you feel shy as he nuzzles his nose against your cheek before kissing it again. Once, twice, three times. âI stopped by Chanâs, but he only had these and a few others. You like?âÂ
You can hardly see the flowers, and Mingyu seems to recognize that as he flicks on your dining room light. Warm yellow rays fill the area, your eyes blinking rapidly to adjust as you glance at the flowers between you. Large white daisies are mere centimeters from your face, and you stop yourself from smiling to raise a brow at him.Â
âThese are your birth flower.âÂ
âYouâre supposed to like everything about me, and that includes my birth flower.âÂ
You roll your eyes, thumbing at the petals as he presses another kiss to your jaw, âyeah, theyâre cute. I like.âÂ
âGood, because I fucked up and also ordered another one for next week when Iâm not going to see you, so youâll be getting this twice but as delivery. I might get another just to apologize but thatâs a quest for Later Mingyu.â He speaks against your cheek, pressing kiss after kiss on the warm skin, âmissed you, missed you, missed you.âÂ
âYouâre smothering me!â You whine, feeling him pepper the side of your face with kisses, âMingyu!âÂ
âYou complain I donât see you enough, and you complain when I do. Youâre never satisfied,â he jokes, carefully setting the flowers down on your dining room table to hold you closer. His hands are gripping your thighs, the material of your skirt straining against them as you press a kiss on the column of his throat, âthank you for the flowers.âÂ
He shivers, âyou always say thank you. Donât thank me for the bare minimum.âÂ
âI donât get you flowers, Mingyu.âÂ
âYou should start. I like flowers and being smothered and impromptu visits with at my apartment with my dearest, smartest, prettiest girl, Y/N.âÂ
You roll your eyes, ignoring the fluttering in your belly as you shake your head, âyouâre impossible, Kim Mingyu.âÂ
âYeah, well...you love me anyway.âÂ
âThatâs an incredible assumption.âÂ
âShut up.âÂ
âMake me.â You scoff, limply shoving his shoulder. He sucks his teeth, kicking his shoes off and clearly choosing to ignore your bait as he tightens his hold on your thighs, âwhat are you doing here, Mingyu? Youâre not making dinner, and you clearly donât have a plan in mind...so what do you want?âÂ
He raises a brow, âI want to see you. Ask about your day. Also, steal some of those almonds you have hidden in your nightstand, next to your lube.âÂ
âYou just want me for what I can provide.âÂ
âI want you for lots of things and lots of reasons, but what can you provide that I wonât willingly give you, anyway?âÂ
You can smell the mint on his breath, like heâd brushed his teeth before getting to your apartment. Your eyes trail him silently, taking in the soft fabric of his casual t-shirt against the inside of your knees. Your skirt is starting to ride up, snug against your midthighs as you click your tongue in defeat.Â
âExactly.â He says pointedly, squeezing your thigh as he flicks the dining room light off again, making you tighten your grip around him as he moves to turn on the lamp in your living room. He looks over your head at the television with an amused look, âare you sure youâre not sad or something? Whatâs with the ambiance?âÂ
âYou insist something is wrong with me, but I promise you,â you lamely hit the side of your closed fist to his chest, âI am fine.âÂ
He gives you a knowing look in the moody lighting, before leaning down slightly. He glances at your lips, silently begging for a kiss only for you to roll your eyes and do the same. He smiles shamelessly, kissing you gently before looking around once more.Â
âItâs so dark in here.âÂ
âI was just finishing stuff for work.âÂ
âWhat have I told you about working off the clock? Stop working for free, they pay you shit as it is.â He squeezes your thighs for emphasis, and you suck in a quick breath involuntarily. You scrunch your nose as he grins, before smacking his shoulder gently.Â
âYouâre the last person who can tell me that, youâre a workaholic. I see you twice a damn month because youâre always holed up in that office.â You shove a finger in his chest, only for him to press another kiss to your lips as you pout, âMingyu!âÂ
âYou are so annoying, baby.â He murmurs, nipping at your lips like he might die if he doesnât. âYou canât even appreciate that I took time out of my very busy schedule to come see you. And letâs not forget you love my job when it means you get to see me in a suit.âÂ
âIâm going to ignore that for the sake of my sanity. What is so important about having dinner and jerking off for an hour that you think youâre doing me a favor?âÂ
âI do not jerk off for an hour.â He scoffs, "I merely think about you for forty minutes and then IââÂ
âEnough. The point is that you do it. Like a loser. Youâll get carpal tunnel, you know.â You say with a sniff, your lips twitching as he laughs. He makes his way to your couch, sitting on the chaise at the end of it. He leans back into the cushions, smoothly adjusting you on his lap as he stuffs a throw pillow under his head to look at you. âTell me why youâre here, Mingyu.âÂ
âIf you need a reason, itâs that I genuinely missed you. If that wasnât already obvious.â He speaks sincerely, raking his fingers gently through your hair and earning a shiver. He tugs at it lightly, smirking as you let out a quipped whine before smacking his hip, âI just wanted to see you.âÂ
âYouâre holding me hostage against you, Mingyu.âÂ
âBecause youâll sit a mile away unless I do. Itâs like you avoid me.âÂ
âI donât avoid you, idiot. You just radiate so much heat that it makes me wanna die, I hate sweating.â You remind him, lowering yourself so youâre chest-to-chest with him, but propping yourself on your elbows to still hover over him. He plucks at the hem of your sweater, dipping his fingertips beneath the fabric; cool against your hip as he tilts his head, âthat is true.âÂ
âI know.âÂ
âCan you hurry up and say you missed me, too? Iâm starting to feel a disconnect.âÂ
You purse your lips as you hold back your laughter, his pouted lips making you cover your mouth as you swallow your cackle.Â
âI did, I missed you.â You admit wholeheartedly, shrugging your shoulders as he tugs at the necklace he gave you, âof course I missed my Mingyu.âÂ
âNot Park Mingyu from finance, right?â He sulks, tucking his chin to his chest as you chuckle, pinching his cheek between your knuckles carefully.Â
âNot Park Mingyu from finance, no. Donât you know? Iâd be bored in two days.âÂ
âExactly,â he huffs, wrapping his fingers gingerly around your throat, âcan I stay? Or do you want me to leave?âÂ
âItâs always nice when you stay over. However, youâre late for dinner and lack of punctuality does knock ten points off for Kim Mingyu. Still in first place, but youâre pushing it.âÂ
âIâm sorry,â he nods, squeezing the sides of your neck gently before his lips plant a soft kiss on your forehead, âshould we go to your room?âÂ
âThatâs incredibly suggestive, Mr. Kim.âÂ
âItâs only suggestive if you make it suggestive, baby.âÂ
âYou calling me baby only cements my point.âÂ
âOkay, maybe. But you could have some mercy on me.â He mumbles, pressing another kiss to your nose. You raise a brow, âare you sure youâre not the one who has a problem? Youâve been in my face since you got here, Iâm literally on top of you. The world wonât end if youâre not touching me, you know.âÂ
âIâm just used to having you close.â He shrugs, âI missed you.âÂ
âMingyu, youâve said that so much that the words donât even sound real anymore. Youâve been here for ten minutes and youâve said it six times.âÂ
âSo? Is there a problem?â He mumbles against your lips, your breath hitching as he bridges the gap. His hands move to your hips, fingertips digging into the fabric of your skirt as he sits up carefully. Your hands palm at his chest as he pulls you impossibly closer, your skin littering with goosebumps as he slides his hands down your thighs. Your own shoot out to grab his wrists, pulling his hands away and pinning them to the couch before pulling away with a soft pant. He tries to kiss your jaw, his lips brushing your skin as you crane your neck away.Â
âWhat on Earth has gotten into you? Did you finally give into those stupid honey packs that Soonyoung was talking about the last time we all hung out?âÂ
He scoffs, âabsolutely not. You know I like this skirt, donât play coy.âÂ
You snort, dropping his hands to cross your arms on your chest. His fingers trace tight circles into your left knee, before he glances at your sweater with an amused look. He leans back on one hand, his tongue darting out to wet his lips as he raises a brow.Â
âYou knew I was coming.âÂ
âNo, I didnât.âÂ
âThen you were hoping I would, baby.âÂ
âShut up. Youâre supposed to be at home, and I should be in my bed right now.â You mutter, tonguing your cheek as you see your laptop turn off due to inactivity out of the corner of your eye. You glance back at him, his eyes trailing the slope of your neck as you clear your throat and run a hand through your hair, âhow was your day?âÂ
âFunny you should ask. Kim Mingyu has had his first official bad day at the office.â He nods, pressing his lips into a thin line that makes you bite back a laugh. âPeople are entitled, and I usually get through it pretty well, but today was just off the damn charts. I was late to work this morning, and I had to push back a presentation because I fucking lost my thumb drive because I left it at home. An intern tried to tell me my numbers were wrong, when I checked the math not once, but three separate times. We got into a nasty argument, also something new for me.âÂ
He shrugs, âI sent her home early and I left an hour after lunch. Bought groceries, made dinner...life goes on but today was actually such shit. So...itâs nice to see you.âÂ
âI think you forgot âtried to flirt with Y/Nâ somewhere in there. I think during the whole âbrought groceriesâ part.â You let your cheeks warm as you tilt your head at him, only to earn a devilish smile paired with a one-armed shrug as he taps your knee with his knuckle.Â
âI didnât try to do anything.â He leans back on his elbow, sucking his teeth as you raise a brow at him, âI was merely stating facts. Iâm nice to you, and youâre a pillow princess. One plus one has always been two, baby.âÂ
âYou are nice to me, thatâs true. But youâre the oneââÂ
âA lady like yourself mustnât get her hands dirty for pleasure. Thatâs what Iâm here for.âÂ
His eyes are pointed, and you conjure an annoyed look as you poke a finger into his side. He squeals, grabbing your wrists and pulling you down on top of him, âstop that. Tell me about your day.âÂ
âNothing happened.â You shrug, pushing yourself up. Your hands are on either side of his head as you stick your tongue out at him, only for him to do the same and touch the tip of yours with his. You scrunch your nose as he snorts, before calling your bluff.Â
âYouâre lying.âÂ
âHm...I broke my favorite pair of earrings. I tripped going up the stairs when I came back from getting lunch at that bistro we like in downtown. Park Mingyu from Finance asked me to dinner. Nothing insane.âÂ
Itâs not a lie.Â
But itâs been a few weeks since it happened. It was a rare day in the office for you, and youâd been in and out of meetings all mornings â but he caught you just as you got in the elevator to meet Soonyoung for lunch.Â
Park Mingyu wasnât bad looking, and he was nice enough. He just...worked in finance, of all things, and had that same monotonous voice most finance men do. He didnât slouch, but his tie was almost always haphazardly thrown on and youâd fixed it for him one time â but you figured one time was enough to get him hooked.Â
Kim Mingyu is looking up at you through his lashes, his hands seemingly now lost on what to do as he pulls them off your waist. His eyes are darting all over your face â likely looking for a hint at you kidding. A quirk of your lip, a twitch of your brow, something â but the silence between you only gets thicker as his jaw grows slightly tense.Â
â...did you give him an answer?âÂ
âNo. I said Iâd think about it.âÂ
Mingyu scoffs.Â
He actually scoffs, like how dare you have the audacity to tell someone else youâd think about giving them a positive answer to their dinner invitation? How dare you, when you know youâd likely not like your food? And then itâs awkward for weeks, before you get a paragraph to your work number about how Park Mingyu is such a nice guy â from Park Mingyu himself.Â
The man beneath you runs a hand through his hair, and you sit up to allow him to do the same. He does, unzipping his sweater and shrugging it off before he tosses it over the side of your couch.Â
You resist the urge to run your hands up his bare arms, cursing the way his shirt fits against his chest so snugly.Â
âWhen did he ask you? During lunch? Did you go to the office today?âÂ
âTwo weeks ago.âÂ
You shift slightly in his lap, your cheeks hot as he stares at you. Thereâs a mix of emotions in his gaze â confusion, amusement...a bit of anger, you want to think.Â
A bit of jealousy.Â
âAnd youâre telling me this now?âÂ
âI didnât think I had to tell you. Weâre not...dating.âÂ
The word comes out choked. You feel it; he hears it, and your legs tighten subconsciously around his thighs. He glances down at them, his eyes catching a faded bite on your inner thigh from two weeks ago; his thumb pushing the hem of your skirt up high enough to make it visible to your eyes, should you look down.Â
âAre you gonna say yes?â His voice is level, but heâs not looking at you. In the low light, you can see the tightness in his jaw, the way he tongues his cheek before you feel his fingers tap your thigh, âare you?âÂ
Your throat feels dry as you steal a glimpse of the flowers on your dining table.Â
âY/N.âÂ
You let out a forced chuckle, âcâmon, you know me, Gyu. Heâs in finance. I really would get bored in two days. A few hours, even.âÂ
He doesnât seem convinced, âthatâs not a no.âÂ
âWhat do you want me to say, Mingyu?â You run a hand down the front of your sweater nervously, bunching the fabric in your palm as he leans forward slightly. Your tongue darts out to wet your lips, not managing to shake his focus like the action usually would.Â
âThat youâll say no.â He says plainly, before scoffing as a smile of disbelief crosses his lips. âIn fact, I donât even know why youâre entertaining the idea of it when we both know youâd never say yes unless something happened between us.âÂ
For a moment, you dislike Mingyu. Your eyes narrow as you look down at him, tracing his features as he clicks his tongue.Â
âWhat is this âusâ youâre referring to?â You speak softly, but clearly â splaying your hands on your knees as you lean into his space. âWhat do you mean by âus,â Mingyu? What does âusâ mean to you?âÂ
âYou and I.âÂ
âWhat about you and I?âÂ
His hand leaves your thigh, and he has the gall to roll his eyes as he runs it over his face.Â
âYouâd never say yes to Park, because you have me. You donât need anyone else.âÂ
âWhat makes you think I even need you?âÂ
âThe fact that you melt in my hands the moment I walk through that door.â Heâs in your face, his breath wafting against your lips as he maintains eye contact. âYou forget the world exists when Iâm with you, and itâs the only time Iâve ever seen you relax. You love having me around, and you love me. You donât have to say it for me to know.âÂ
You want to pretend that he canât feel the way you freeze on top of him. His eyes widen slightly as you swallow carefully, âlove...is a stretch, Kim.âÂ
âWe both know itâs not.âÂ
âYouâre insane.âÂ
âThen what does that make you, hm?â His hands are back on you, massaging the tension in your thighs that only makes your back rigid. A shiver snakes down your spine as his thumb brushes the cotton of your underwear, âwhat does that make you, baby?âÂ
âI hate it when you call me that,â you blurt, and he has an unimpressed look on his face when you double down, âI hate it, Mingyu.âÂ
âYet, you pout when I call you Y/N.âÂ
âWell, just call me Y/N anyway.âÂ
You huff, moving to get up but he holds you in place â his grip firm as he pulls you into him. Your chest hits his as you avoid his gaze, your arms stiff between your bodies as you give up on getting off him.Â
âStill wanna tell me nothingâs wrong?â He mumbles, his eyes soft as he wraps his arms around your waist. You donât reply, tonguing your cheek as you feel the stupid burn in your throat as you focus your line of sight on the flowers he put on the table.Â
Cute. Soft. Delicate.Â
An extension of him.Â
You swallow hard, blinking rapidly as you speak quietly, âwhat are we doing?â Â
He sighs, resting his forehead against your shoulder, âI donât know. I thought Iâd have an answer by now.âÂ
âYou donât know,â you repeat, âbecause you didnât want to ask me or because you thought Iâd ask first?âÂ
âBoth.âÂ
âCoward.âÂ
The word is bitter as it leaves your mouth, but you canât move. You donât want to move â the fear of him slipping through your fingers overpowering as your hands grip his shoulders like heâs going to disappear. He leans into your touch, burying his face into the crook of your neck and inhaling deeply. He doesnât say anything, but you feel his lips brush against your skin as you wrap your arms around his neck. Your fingers card through the hair at the nape of his neck, the smell of his shampoo making you melt into his embrace.Â
âTell me Iâm yours.â His voice is muffled against your neck, âplease. Please.âÂ
âI donât know if you are, Mingyu.â You canât recognize the sound of your own voice, thick and uncertain. His grip on you tightens, and you feel a shaky breath against your neck as you pull back, trying to meet his eyes. He stares at the necklace around the base of your throat, the seashell-shaped locket glinting in the light. Â
âI can be. I want to be.â Heâs barely speaking above a whisper as his fingertip taps the locket, hooking around the chain and giving a careful tug. âDo you know why I gave this to you?âÂ
You glance down at it, âbecause you were in Bali and it was on sale?âÂ
He snorts, the air around the two of you settling evenly on your shoulders, âno. Well, I was in Bali, but no it wasnât on sale and thatâs not why I got it.âÂ
âAll Iâm getting is that you went to Bali without me.âÂ
âYeah, well. I couldnât be around you in all those pretty dresses you wear when itâs hot out.â He sighs, âseashells are a symbol of love.âÂ
âDoesnât mean youâre in love with me.âÂ
He shrugs slightly, popping the shell open to reveal it empty, âitâs said that seashells are associated with Aphrodite, the goddess of love. That they represent the warmth and care and security of love, because they protect the pearl that grows inside that shell.â Â
He clears his throat, closing the locket with a click. Â
âThe point of the locket was to put a picture of us in there, someday. Itâs been six months since I gave this to you, and I think about it everyday.â He ducks his head like heâs afraid of the truth spilling from his mouth, but he canât stop talking. âSometimes, I think you were made for me, as stupid as that might sound. Like Eve was made for Adam, from his rib, or something like that.âÂ
You can feel your eyes burning as you watch him nibble on his lip, his hands restless as he moves them from around you to the hem of your skirt before gripping the cushion beneath you both.Â
âI donât know much about falling in love,â he admits, âbut...I know that you saved all the flowers I gave you, bits of them, even before we started doing whatever weâre doing. A part of me wants to believe that you saved them because you wanted to keep me around, even if it was just the flowers I gave you...because Iâve kept all the receipts from Chanâs shop when Iâve bought them. I always liked giving you flowers because you like them, but after the first time we kissed...it felt romantic and I just wanted to make your life even just a little brighter and, ugh, I donât know. Tell me Iâm ruining this and Iâll shut up.âÂ
You blink at him silently, shaking your head before sliding your hands down his arms, âhave I told you that you talk a lot?âÂ
âMany times.âÂ
âHave I ever told you to stop?âÂ
You raise a brow as you find his hand, slotting your fingers with his and curling them around his palm. His rings dig into your skin but you donât care, âcontinue, Mr. Kim.âÂ
âI hate when you call me that.âÂ
âI donât care.âÂ
âI know,â he rolls his eyes, but his cheeks are pink as you press your lips to them gingerly, âIâm not...itâs hard for me to make time for people. Youâve seen it, you know itâs true because Iâve only been able to get you in every couple weeks and trust me, itâs fucking torture. They say that distance makes the heart grow fonder but I truly cannot fathom ever wanting to be away from you. It makes my chest hurt when I wake up after seeing you and I have to leave.âÂ
âYou donât have to.â You shrug, âleave, I mean. You can stay. Forever, if you wanted to.âÂ
His chuckle is almost humorless, âIâd never get anything done.âÂ
You nod silently, tracing circles into the back of his hand with your thumb before you glance up at him. You let go of his hand to cradle his cheek carefully, watching the way he leans into your touch. His arm wraps around your waist again, pulling you down with him as he lays back against the cushions once more.Â
âSo...I can be yours. If you want me to be. If youâll have me, rather.â Â
You donât respond, chewing on your cheek while pinching his between your knuckles. A silence blankets over you both, even as he brushes a soft kiss to the tip of your nose. You scrunch it, before resting your head on his chest with a click of your tongue, feeling his hand push the hem of your shirt up â fingers drumming against the warm skin of your hip.Â
âEarlier, you said I needed context for Friday. Whatâs that about?âÂ
âMy parents are in town.â He blurts, and your eyes widen as you jerk away from him, âI wanted you to meet them.âÂ
You scan his face, your lips parting as you sit up. Your knees dig into his hips as you run a hand through your hair, letting out a chuckle of disbelief.Â
âSurely they donât know weâre in this entanglement.âÂ
â...They think weâre together.âÂ
âMingyu!â You choke on his name, earning a wince as you give his shoulder a slight shove. He pouts, grabbing your wrists and pulling you back on top of him, âwhy would you tell them that?! Why do they even know about me?!âÂ
âBecause I love you.â His voice makes you still, his eyes serious as he bores them into you. A wavering uncertainty is laced in them, mixed with that same pure adoration that he always held in even a wayward glance your way. Your hands curl into fists, your nails digging into your palm before he forces them open and interlaces your fingers. His thumbs trace circles on the back of your hands, nervously nibbling on his lip before he clears his throat.Â
âI love you, and Iâm a coward but I cannot imagine being without you. It makes my stomach hurt to think about it, it makes me nauseous when I think about someone else having you the way I do. Someone else bringing you flowers and making you dinner and kissing you stupid when they donât deserve you to begin with is an atrocious thing to think about. I love you, and I want to be your emergency contact. I want to make you dinner and rub your feet and I want to put a shiny ring on your finger. I want to listen to you sing in the shower, I want you to tell me itâs not a duet when I join in and I want to make good on any and every promise I ever let fall into you. I love you, and I want you, only. For the rest of our lives.âÂ
Your nose burns as tears prick at your eyes, and you tear your hands from his to dig the heels of your palms into your eyes â coating them in said hot tears. Your voice is thick, âGod, you suck.âÂ
âI just put my heart on a platter for you.âÂ
âThatâs exactly why you suck, because now I canât tell Park Mingyu Iâll have dinner with him.âÂ
Your joke is ill received as he scoffs, crossing his arms on his chest as you wipe at your face haphazardly before leaning over and pressing a chaste kiss to his forehead. Your hands cradle his face gently, thumbs rubbing his cheeks back and forth as he sulks, âI love you, Mingyu.âÂ
âKim Mingyu.âÂ
âI love you, Kim Mingyu.âÂ
He lets you kiss him, uncrossing his arms and pulling you close. His fingers dip beneath your sweater, squeezing your hips as he teases his tongue into your mouth â minty and gentle as your hands move to tug at his shirt. He stops you by abruptly sitting up, cupping your ass as he stands from the couch. Your legs wrap around his waist as his lips trail your jaw, nipping at your neck as he takes you to your bedroom, nudging the door closed with his foot.Â
âWanna prove it?â Â
âNot a pillow princess, my ass.â Mingyuâs arm is tight around your waist, his hand holding your phone as your fingernails dig into his shoulders. âPretty girl gave up a minute in.âÂ
âIâm just used to a...certain lifestyle,â you whimper into his neck, before hearing the unmistakeable sound of a call dialing. You look over your shoulder wearily, watching Mingyu put the call on speaker. It picks up as he holds it to your face, pulling your head back gently by your hair, âtell him youâre having dinner with your in-laws.âÂ
âHello?âÂ
âH-Hey, sorry for c-calling so late,â you stutter, your eyes squeezing shut as Mingyuâs hips rock up into you slowly. âA-are you busy?âÂ
âNever too busy for you. Are you alright? You sound...choppy.âÂ
Mingyu gives a hard thrust then, a whine tearing from your throat as you attempt to cough, âsorry, Iâm g-good! I just w-wanted to let you know that I c-can't have dinner.âÂ
âOh...can I ask why? I mean, Iâve been pretty nice to you for as long as Iâve known you. Could warrant a date night.âÂ
âSheâs having dinner with her in-laws, bud. Tell him, baby.â Mingyu speaks clearly, an embarrassed moan falling from your lips as his grip on your waist tightens, âtell him.âÂ
âIâm having d-dinner with m-my in-laws...â You pant out, your lips brushing his neck as your hand blindly reached around to hang up on the Finance Guy rambling about how you led him on. Mingyu tosses your phone to the side as his hand snakes between you to cup one of your breasts in his hand, âyou might have to quit.âÂ
You nod breathlessly as he sucks your nipple into his mouth, âthey pay me shit anyway.âÂ
âNew position at my firm opened up.âÂ
âGod, shut up and fuck me.âÂ
He chuckles, flipping you onto your back smoothly and pressing a kiss to the side of your face.Â
âPillow. Princess.âÂ
âTHREE YEARS IS A LONG TIME WITH NO RING, MINGYU.âÂ
Mrs. Kimâs eyes are pointed as her son tongues his cheek, and you bite back your smile as you tip your wine glass towards your lips.Â
He had mentioned theyâd say something along these lines â of course, he only mentioned more details of the ârelationshipâ they knew on the car ride there. Everything in the storyline was essentially the same, if you ignored that Mingyu admitted heâd fallen head over heels in love with you after the first time you slept together and the two of you had only been officially in a relationship for the last thirty-six hours. Â
âY/N just started a new job, Mom. It wouldnât be wise to...take that step in this juncture of her career.â Heâs spitballing, and his sister nearly spits her wine out across the table as Mr. Kim snorts. âItâs true! Babe, tell them!âÂ
You fail at holding in your laughter, your shoulders shaking as you nod, âI did just get a new job. But I agree, three years is a long time without a ring.âÂ
âBabe.âÂ
âIâm just saying, you could put some pep in your step.âÂ
He sulks in his chair, barely sinking down two inches as everyone at the table bursts into fits of giggling, âIâm trying to take your life into consideration, too!âÂ
âTime is money, Mingyu.â You say, pinching his cheek between your knuckles. You lean over, pressing a soft kiss to the apple of his cheek â leaving a stamp of your lipstick on the skin as the waiter returns with the check. Mrs. Kim smiles as you reach for it instinctively, the grin only growing wider as Mingyu snatches it out of your hand and shoves his card inside the booklet before you can even protest.Â
âAt least tell me heâs taking good care of you.â Mrs. Kimâs voice is soft as you all step out of the restaurant, and you feel your cheeks heat in the cool November air as you nod.Â
âMingyu is a good man,â you start, patting his arm. He beams with pride, before sticking his tongue out at his sister that makes a gagging face. You snicker, squeezing his bicep gently, âif it were up to him, I wouldnât lift a finger.âÂ
âBut itâs not.â He sighs dramatically, âshe lets me make dinner and thatâs it.âÂ
âLet is the wrong word. He barges into my apartment with groceries and I feel bad for the guy,â you feign a pout, earning a scoff from your boyfriend as his parents share a warm look, âbut...I love him. What can I do, say no to a nice steak and a foot massage?âÂ
âYes.â Minseo pipes up, before Mingyu scowls. You snort, checking the time on your watch before his parents lean in to hug him good night. You try to stand to the side, but his sister pulls you into the familial embrace. Â
âWeâll catch up with you both in two weeks. Mingyu, get the girl a ring!â Mr. Kim gives your shoulder a soft pat, and Mrs. Kim slips something into Mingyuâs pocket. She tries to be discreet, but your eyes dart to her hand as she waves goodbye. You do the same, your face hot at the idea of marrying into such a loving family.Â
Mingyu slides his hand in his pocket as you both walk to his car, his eyes widening as he pulls it back out. Two rings glimmer in the moonlight, ones youâd complimented on his motherâs hand at the beginning of dinner.Â
âLittle soon for marriage, huh?â He thumbs at the diamonds, and you chew on your lip as you look at them. Your eyes flicker to his, a sparkle of excitement as you see him already looking at you. You clear your throat, holding your left hand up, âwell...we can just see if they fit.âÂ
âAnd if they do?âÂ
âThen I guess weâre engaged, oh boyfriend of three-years.âÂ
âI was nervous!âÂ
Your laughter rings out in the nearly empty parking lot, âwell, I love you, anyway. Three years or two days, you said forever and that youâd make good on that.âÂ
âI did say that.â His hands are gentle against yours, trembling slightly as he slides both rings on. They fit snugly at the base of your finger, and you wiggle them with a little smile on your face.Â
âWe can just be âengagedâ for like, two years. No one suspects anything then, wedding planning takes ages.âÂ
âOr we can get married in six months. I have contacts everywhere and thatâs when youâll have enough PTO accrued for a honeymoon.âÂ
âYouâre crazy.â You scoff, âcrazy and calculated, Kim Mingyu.âÂ
âCrazy in love with you, but sure.â He rolls his eyes, opening the passenger door for you. âMrs. Kim Y/N, in six months. Pencil me in, babe.âÂ
âIn your dreams.âÂ
Kim Mingyu is the love of your life.Â
Sweet, thoughtful, and delicate. Fragile, even: in ego, in sex, in love.Â
You know heâs made for you. Like Adam was made for Eve. He still shows up with a bouquet every week, but your kitchen is now shared and nicely stocked with your favorite bottles of wine.Â
Kim Mingyu is the petals of every flower in all the bouquets heâs ever given you. Velvety soft, perfectly cared for and beautiful.Â
And just as he is all those things â he is your Achillesâ heel. You can never say no to Kim Mingyu, but you can finally admit that he is something more to you..perhaps, everything. Â
Friend, lover, soulmate â all in one. A BOGO deal, youâd say, and heâd argue heâs at least a buy two, get one.Â
But, no matter what â Mingyu knows exactly who he is in your life, and you in his. Glued together at the hip, working together (though you get to boss him around and he never thought heâd be into that, a thought penciled in for much, much later when youâre both working âovertimeâ â read: his head between your thighs at your desk with your office door locked.)Â
Friends, lovers, soulmates â married (six months in, just like heâd said) and in love, two idiots held safely in the otherâs ribcage.Â
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Summary: Mingyu was preparing for a divorce when he began to sense that something was wrong with his wife.
Mingyu hadnât been home since yesterdayâor maybe since the day before that. He stopped counting after the fight, the kind that didnât end with slammed doors but with silence, thickening the wall that had been building between you for over a year. He chose to stay in his humble studio, surrounded by paintings never meant for the worldâonly for him to face. Each canvas stared back in accusation, as if every unfinished stroke was cursing him.
You didnât callâyou never did, and he told himself it was because you had stopped caring. You chose that, and Mingyu found it unbearably hurtful. Sometimes, when his gaze lingered on the band wrapped around his finger, he thought of youâthe version of you who loved him fiercely, who would have done anything for him. And when you stopped doing that, when you stopped caring, something in him made a quiet decision: he needed to protect himself.
Kim Mingyu was an aspiring painter when he met you. You were radiant the moment you walked into the meeting room, introducing yourself as the curator of the gallery where his work would be displayed. When he heard your name, recognition struck immediatelyâhe knew you were one of them.
And yes. You were the daughter of the former prime minister.
His career flourished with your help. He had always believed his work would reach its peak somedayâand it did. His pieces became widely known, his name circulating through galleries across the world, until Kim Mingyu was no longer just an aspiring painter, but one of the most sought-after artists globally.
âThis is An Angel Who Couldnât Paint.â
He said it the way he introduced all his recent works, calm and practiced. The angel on the canvas was adored by everyoneâsoft wings, gentle lightâyet her expression was unmistakably sad.
You stood beside him as the gallery emptied. Footsteps faded, lights dimmed, until there was no one left but the two of you, both too nervous to be the first to leave. Tomorrow was a big day.
âWhy couldnât it paint?â you asked, turning toward him.
He looked at you then, smiling softly.
âHer family didnât let her.â
Mingyu hadnât expected to win your heart that night. Yet when you looked at himâreally looked at himâit felt like a confession made without words. Your gaze carried an offering, quiet and devastating, as if you were placing your heart in his hands along with your soul, your bones, everything that made you whole.
And yet, here he wasâsitting on the couch with the curtains drawn open, staring into the night with a glass of whiskey in his hand. There was no you here, and lately, there had been no you in his life at all.
The man he was five years ago wouldnât have believed this version of himself if someone had told him: the woman you think you love the most will change. And so will you.
On the table lay a fresh print of the divorce papers, waiting to be signed. Finally. His lawyer had notified him countless timesâabout the plan to divorce you, about how it had been inevitable since the first fight a year ago. But he couldnât bring himself to do it. He had been too naive to understand that the two of you had lost each other long before this moment.
And there was no reason left to stay.
Even your familyâyour powerful, conglomerate familyâcouldnât be the reason he stayed. He was adored there, praised for his easy charm, his manners. But was any of it genuine? Honestly, he no longer knew.
He had witnessed the way your brother-in-law was spoken about behind closed doors, criticized for being too absorbed in his own law firm, for refusing to fold himself into the family company. And Mingyu couldnât forget that one night eitherâthe way your brotherâs wife had broken down during a family gathering, crying quietly because five years of marriage had passed and she still hadnât conceived.
Three years of marriageâto an artist. No children. Would your parents still treat him the same?
*
âIs she with you? We couldnât find her.â
It was late when Mingyu received the call from your parents. He sighed as he pulled on his shirt and coat, grabbing his keys before heading toward their house.
âWe found out you two were fighting,â your mother said gently. âShe came here a week ago. Was it that bad?â
Her voice was soft, but Mingyu could hear the worry beneath it.
âIâll be there, Mother,â he replied, already driving away from his studio.
There were only a few places you might go at this hour to clear your mind. He had lived through this before. When you werenât in bed, when the house felt too quiet, he would find you somewhere close, in the garden, or walking through the neighborhood under the dim streetlights.
âItâs dangerous,â he had told you once, rushing out of the house after realizing you were goneâonly to find you returning, an ice cream melting slowly in your hand.
âI couldnât sleep.â
Mingyu had sighed then, the tension draining from his shoulders.
âWake me up, love,â heâd said softly. âIâll walk with you.â
Mingyu immediately typed out the places where your parentsâ people might find you. He drove carefully, his mind running through scenariosâwhat would happen once he found you, what he would say to your parents afterward.
He sighed again, for what felt like the hundredth time.
Your parents had spoiled you too much.
Mingyu had never been the type to celebrate every moment extravagantlyâif at all. He expressed his gratitude, acknowledged the milestone, and kept moving forward.
Your family, however, lived by a different tradition: everything was celebrated, and always with excess.
Your engagement was meant to be intimate. Instead, your parents insisted on renting out a hotel ballroom, inviting nearly everyone they knewâmost of whom Mingyu didnâtâand turning the day into a spectacle.
The wedding was no different. Whatever imagination he had left of a small ceremonyâone with only the closest people presentâdisappeared the moment your parents took over the planning. A grand venue. An expensive dress. Hundreds of invitations, while his side amounted to barely ten.
They loved you. And they loved spoiling you.
He tried calling your phone as he drove toward the park near your parentsâ houseâthe one you used to run to as a child whenever your parents fought or your siblings became too much. You didnât answer. Not once.
Mingyu parked the car and immediately scanned the area, his steps quick and restless as he searched the park. He called your name a few times, voice cutting through the night, but there was no sign of youâonly a group of teenagers smoking near the benches. When he asked if they had seen a woman walking alone, they shook their heads, irritation clear in their faces.
He called your parentsâ security team next. They hadnât found you near the lake eitherâthe place you had mentioned before, half in passing.
âCheck the gazebos too,â he told them. They moved at once.
He started running then. He wasnât sure whyâwhether it was the need to find you quickly so he could take you back to your parents, or simply to end the search and the fear gnawing at his chest.
He exhaled sharply when he spotted a familiar figure walking ahead. His pace slowed without thinking, steps cautious now as he drew closer.
âJi Y/nâŠâ
As if summoned, you turned your head at the sound of your name.
âKim Mingyu..â
âWhy are you here at this hour?â Mingyu asked, breath still uneven from the run.
You didnât answer right away. Your gaze drifted past him, circling the trees, the dim lamps, the path beneath your feetâuntil something in your expression shifted, like recognition arriving late.
âI was just out for air.â
Mingyu swallowed. âYour parents called me because they couldnât find you. I thought we were done talking about thisââ
He stopped himself too late, only then realizing the edge in his voice.
âDonât yell at me.â
The words were quiet, but they landed heavy.
Mingyu exhaled slowly, rubbing a hand over his face. âIâm not,â he said, softer now. âLetâs go home.â
He reached out, fingers closing around your wrist. You looked down at his hand. Then back up at him.
âWhich home?â
He froze.
For a moment, the park seemed too quietâno wind, no footsteps, no distant traffic. Mingyu loosened his grip and turned to face you fully.
âOur home.â he said.
The two of you walked toward his car in silence. Mingyu moved a few steps ahead, hands shoved into his pockets, mind already elsewhere. It wasnât until he reached the door and turned back that he realizedâ
You were wearing nothing but a thin sleeping dress and with no shoes. Bare feet touching the cold pavement.
He cursed under his breath.
Mingyu shrugged off his jacket and draped it around your shoulders, movements careful now, almost hesitant. âWhere are your shoes?â he asked, already sighing as he opened the passenger door for you.
You stared at the ground, brows knitting together as if the answer were buried somewhere just out of reach.
âI donât know,â you said quietly.
As Mingyu got into the driverâs seat, his eyes drifted back to you. Only then did he notice the bruises and dirt smudged along your feet, as if you had been running barefoot long before he found you. His jaw tightened.
He called your mother and spoke quietly.
âSheâs with me now. Sheâs safe.â
A pause.
âIâm taking her home.â
Another pause, heavier this time.
âIâm sorry for the inconvenience.â
You leaned back against the seat, exhaustion overtaking you as your eyelids fluttered shut. Sleep claimed you quickly, as if your body had been waiting for permission to rest.
Mingyu sighed and started the engine, guiding the car back toward the house. A place the two of you used to call home.
*
Mingyu entered your home office after months of doing nothing more than walking past it. It was one of the rooms you treasured mostâa space you had insisted on keeping for yourself when your father was choosing the house you would live in after the wedding.
You were already asleep in the bedroom after tonightâs walk. He had carried you in from the car, careful and slow, yet you hadnât stirred at all. It surprised him. You had always been a light sleeper.
He stood by the bed for a moment before leaving, watching you breathe, watching the familiar rise and fall of your chest. You were still you when you sleptâsoft, unchanged, untouched by the distance that had grown between you.
But when you were awake? He realized with a quiet ache, he had started to hate that version of you.
He closed the door of your office and stepped inside with a carefulness only a cautious husband could muster. Once, he had never knocked. He would barge in without warning, a photograph of a new painting already in his hand, words tumbling over one another as he spilled every concept crowding his mind.
âIt must be nice to be a genius,â you would say, leaning back in your chair, eyes warm as you smiled at him.
âIâm far from a genius, love,â Mingyu would reply shyly, brushing off the compliment even though you both knew he enjoyed it.
âIâm just good.â
You would laugh thenâsoft and unguarded. It had been a beautiful, gentle love. One he realized how much he missed.
He sat in your chair, its familiarity unsettling, and wondered how busy you had been lately. You barely stayed in the house anymore, choosing instead to live with your parents. He told himself it was practicalâthe gallery was closer to their place. A project, maybe. An exhibition.
He used to witness the way your eyes lit up when you worked, the passion that consumed you so completely.
Since when had he started to hate your work?
It was your work that had once lifted his name, carried him into rooms he never imagined entering. But nowânow it felt like nothing more than the current pulling the two of you farther apart.
The next morning, Mingyu sat by the counter after a night without a wink of sleep. He had meant to rest on the couch, but his body never followed his intentions. His thoughts wandered everywhere except toward rest.
A cup of coffee sat untouched beside him. Freshly brewed. Something he used to miss every time he stayed away. Coffee in his own house used to feel grounding. Familiar. Safe.
He heard the bedroom door open. He didnât turn. He already knew the questions that would usually followâwhy he drove you home, why he was here, why he crossed a boundary you both had drawn after the last fight. He knew you hated this house now. Hated the two of you existing in the same space.
However, none of that came.
Instead, you stepped into the kitchen in the same thin sleeping dress from the night before. Bare feet against the floor. Your voice came soft, almost fragile.
âMorning.â
Before he could react, your hand rested briefly on his shoulder. Your lips brushed hisâlight, absent, almost instinctive. A peck that lasted less than a second. Months.
That was all it took to freeze him in place.
You moved away as if nothing had happened, opening the fridge, taking out fruits, eggs. Normal. Too normal. As if this was still your routine. As if you hadnât shattered him just now.
âYou want some?â you asked, casual. âI can make you a sandwich too.â
You went on tiptoe to reach a cup.
The sound of a sharp winceâand glass crashing to the floorâsnapped Mingyu back into motion.
âWhatâs wrong?â He was already beside you, hands hovering, instinct kicking in. âCareful. Donât moveâthereâs glass.â
You looked at him for a moment, then down.
Your feet.
Bruised. Scraped. Dirt still clinging faintly to your skinâmarks he had cleaned in silence while you slept.
âI didnât realize it,â you murmured. âWhat happened?â
He didnât answer.
âSit down,â Mingyu said instead, steady but firm. âIâll make your breakfast.â
You didnât argue. You walked away while he cleaned the broken glass, movements practiced, controlledâlike he hadnât spent the entire night watching you breathe, wondering when everything had gone so wrong.
He placed the plate in front of you not long after. Boiled eggs. Fruits. Toast.
Your favorite.
He watched you quietly, already planning to knock some sense into you laterâonce youâd eaten, once the color returned to your face, once he was sure you were really here.
Mingyu waited. Not because he needed time, but because he was afraid that if he spoke too soon, the morning would crack completely. The kettle clicked softly on the counter. Outside, the day went on like nothing inside this house had shifted its axis.
âYou were out last night,â he said slowly, as if pacing the truth would make it easier to swallow. âWhere were you?â
You sat across from him, legs tucked under the chair, toast held loosely between your fingers. You took another bite, chewing carefully, eyes unfocusedânot avoiding him, but not looking either.
âI was home,â you said. âWaiting for you.â
The words landed wrong. Too neat. Too certain.
Mingyu felt his chest tighten. âYou werenât.â
You paused. Just for a second. Then you tilted your head, confused, almost amused by his contradiction. âI fell asleep,â you replied. âI remember sitting there. I mustâve dozed off.â
He searched your face for cracks. For hesitation. For guilt. There was none.
That was when he noticed itâthe darkness beneath your eyes, heavier than fatigue alone. Your skin looked different too. Not sick, not pale. Just⊠muted. Like someone had turned the saturation down little by little and no one had noticed until now.
âWere you high last night?â he asked quietly, the question tasting wrong in his mouth.
Your brows pulled together immediately. âWhat?â
He didnât explain. His mind had already run ahead of him, replaying the night beforeâyour office, untouched. The drawers he opened slowly, the shelves he scanned twice. No medication. No substances. No signs of panic or recklessness. If you had taken something, you had hidden it well. Or it wasnât there at all.
âYou were at your parentsâ house,â he said instead, voice firmer now. âFor a week. They called me. They couldnât find you.â
You blinked.
Once.
Then again.
âReally?â you said, a small laugh slipping out. âI was in my office. Iâve been finishing my work.â
There it was again. That certainty. That calm insistence.
Mingyu stared at you like he was looking at a stranger wearing your face. The way you spoke wasnât defensive. You werenât lying the way people usually liedânot rushed, not evasive. You believed in yourself.
That frightened him more than any argument youâd ever had.
His eyes drifted down unconsciously. To your hands. To the faint tremor you didnât seem to notice. To your bare feet resting against the cold floor, still marked faintly with bruises that hadnât been there before last night.
He followed his own gaze down the hallway, back to your office. On your deskâexactly where he had found it last nightâlay the resignation letter.
Your resignation.
You were going to leave the job you loved most. The one that kept you alive when everything else felt heavy. And he didnât know why.
The question had been drilling into his head since last night, since he folded that paper with hands that wouldnât stop shaking. Why? It followed him to the couch, to the kitchen, to the sound of you saying morning like nothing was wrong.
Why would you give this up?
Was it for him?
For us?
The kitchen suddenly felt too familiar this morningâlike a version of home Mingyu hadnât visited in a long time.
You said it casually. Too casually during breakfast. âMaybeâŠâ you started, as if you were commenting on the weather. âMaybe raising a kid would help us. Change how we see things.â
The words caught him off guard. Mingyu looked up slowly, as if he hadnât heard you right. For a moment, he just stared.
Surprise came firstâsharp and unguarded. His mind scrambled, trying to match this calm version of you with the memory of how firmly you had once said no. How your voice shook, not with anger, but fear. Fear he hadnât understood then and hadnât bothered to ask about since.
Why now?
You werenât looking at him the way you used to when you tried to compromise. There was no hesitation in your posture, no defensive edge. Just a stillness that unsettled him more than anger ever did.
Then came the nervousness.
His fingers curled slightly against the counter, grounding himself. He wondered if this was something you had been thinking about for a while, or if it was something you decided this morningâborn out of exhaustion, out of guilt, out of wanting peace at any cost.
Was this your way of reaching out?
âMaybe raising a kid would help us.â
As if that conversation hadnât torn something apart last year. As if it hadnât ended with silence stretching for months, with him leaving more often, with you learning how to sleep alone in a marriage.
The words hung in the air. You didnât mention the fear. Didnât mention hospitals, or test results, or how your hands had shaken when the doctor spoke too gently. You just stood there, calm on the surface, offering the idea like it hadnât once broken you.
He searched your face for signsâhope, reluctance, sincerityâbut all he found was calm. A calm that scared him more than resistance ever had.
*
Mingyu had once thought it was a coping mechanism. You had this way of waving away guiltâof smoothing things over without ever touching them. Every time a fight stretched too far, too heavy, you would return the next day as if nothing had happened. As if the night before hadnât existed at all.
He first noticed it during your first anniversary. Mingyu had prepared everything himself that night. A quiet dinner, nothing extravagantâjust the two of you, the way he preferred it. The table was set long before the food began to lose its warmth, candles burning lower with every passing minute as he waited.
You were working late at the gallery. At first, he told himself it was fine. You had always been passionate about your workâhe loved that about you. But as the hours passed, as his messages remained unread and your calls went unanswered, something inside him began to tighten.
You had forgotten. Not just the dinner. Not just the time. Him. When you finally came home, the apology came easily from youâtoo easily. Soft, quick, almost practiced. Mingyu had been upset then. Not loudly, not enough to start a war, but enough. He told you to be more mindful. To keep track of time. To think about the person waiting for you. To think about him.
You listened. Nodded. Stayed quiet. He thought it had meant something. But the next morning, you kissed him like you always did. Sat beside him at the breakfast table, close enough for your shoulder to brush against his, asking him something trivialâwhat he wanted to do that day, maybe, or whether he would be at the studio. Your voice was light, untouched, as if the night before had slipped cleanly out of your memory.
Mingyu stared at you, something sharp and burning settling behind his eyes. There was no trace of it. No hesitation. No guilt. No attempt to fix what had been said. Just you. Normal. Warm. Unchanged.
And that was the first time it unsettled him, how easily you could wake up the next day and act as if there had never been anything to fix at all.
The last real fight you hadâbefore everything turned into silenceâwas about a child. It wasnât even supposed to be a fight. Mingyu had brought it up casually that night, almost carefully, like testing the temperature of something fragile. The house had been quiet, the kind of quiet that didnât feel heavy yet. You were sitting across from him, absentmindedly scrolling through something on your phone, half-listening.
âHave you ever thought about it?â he asked.
You looked up. âAbout what?â
âA kid.â
The reaction was immediate. Not loud. Not explosive. But immediate. Your expression changed in a way he couldnât quite name back thenâsomething closing off behind your eyes, something pulling away from him before he could even reach it.
âNo,â you said. Too quick.
Mingyu frowned slightly, leaning back in his chair. âNo?â he repeated, softer this time, like maybe you hadnât understood the question.
âI donât want one.â
There was no hesitation in your voice. No room left for discussion. And thatâmore than the answer itselfâirritated him.
âWhy not?â Mingyu asked, the edge slipping in despite himself. âWeâve been married for three years.â
You let out a small breath, setting your phone down slowly. âBecause I donât want to.â
âThatâs not a reason.â
Your eyes flickered then, something sharper surfacing. âIt is.â
Mingyu exhaled, running a hand through his hair. He wasnât trying to start anything. He justâdidnât understand. âPeople donât just decide they donât want kids for no reason,â he said, voice tightening. âYouâre not even willing to think about it?â
âI have thought about it.â
âThen explain it to me.â
Silence stretched between you for a second too long. When you spoke again, your voice was quieterâbut not softer. âYou wouldnât understand.â
Something in him bristled at that. âTry me.â
You hesitated. And for a momentâjust a momentâhe thought you wouldnât say anything at all. That you would brush it off the way you always did, walk away, let it dissolve into nothing.
But you didnât.
âI donât want my body to change like that,â you said finally.
Mingyu blinked. âWhat?â
âPregnancy,â you continued, more steadily now, even if your fingers had begun to curl slightly against the table. âThe weight gain. The way your body stops feeling like yours. Iâve seen it. Iâveââ You stopped yourself, jaw tightening. âI donât want that.â
He stared at you, the explanation settling wrong in his chest.
âThatâs it?â he asked, before he could stop himself.
Your head snapped up. âThatâs it?â you echoed, something incredulous slipping into your voice now.
Mingyu shook his head slightly, already frustrated. âYouâre saying you donât want a child because youâre scared of gaining weight?â
âItâs not just weight.â
âThen what is it?â he pressed.
You looked at him thenâreally looked at himâand whatever was in your eyes made him falter for half a second.
âExactly,â you said quietly. âYou donât get it.â
The conversation went nowhere after that. It circled. Tightened. Broke in places neither of you tried to fix. Mingyu remembered the way your voice had risenânot loud, but strained, like something was pulling at it from the inside. He remembered the way you kept repeating the same thing in different words, as if you were trying to explain something bigger but couldnât quite bring yourself to say it.
And he remembered how, at some point, he stopped listening. It sounded trivial to him. Avoidable. Something that could be reasoned through if you justâtried. But you didnât.
You shut down instead. And the next morningâthe next morning wasnât normal.
There was no quiet greeting, no soft kiss pressed against his lips like a habit you refused to break. No gentle presence beside him in the kitchen, no small attempt to smooth over what had been said.
Mingyu woke up to silence. The kind that felt wrong the moment he opened his eyes. He found you already dressed, standing by the door with your bag slung over your shoulder. Your shoes were on. Your hand rested on the handle, like you had been about to leave for a while now.
âYouâre going already?â he asked, voice still rough with sleep.
You didnât turn immediately.
âI have work,â you said. Simple. Flat. No mention of last night. No mention of anything.
Mingyu pushed himself up slightly, frowning. âYouâre not going to eat first?â
âIâm not hungry.â
That was it. No pause. No glance back to check if he would say something else. No hesitation in the way you opened the door and stepped out.
The sound of it closing lingered longer than it should have. Mingyu sat there for a while after that, staring at nothing in particular, something unfamiliar settling deep in his chest. It wasnât angerânot fully.
It was something quieter. Colder. And it didnât stop there. Days turned into a pattern he didnât remember agreeing to.
You left early. Came home late. Sometimes not at all. And when you were there, you werenât really there.
Conversations shortened. Then it disappeared. Meals became optional. Shared space became something you both moved around carefully, like stepping through a room filled with fragile things neither of you wanted to touch.
Mingyu stopped asking after a while. Stopped waiting, too. The houseâonce something warm, something groundingâbegan to feel unfamiliar. Too quiet in the wrong ways. Too empty, even when you were inside it.
So he stayed at the studio more often. At first, it was just to work. Then to think. Then, eventually⊠to breathe.
The smell of paint, the unfinished canvases, the silence that didnât expect anything from himâit all felt easier than walking into a home that no longer felt like one.
Somewhere along the way, without either of you saying it out loud, the studio became his place of rest, and the house you shared became somewhere he only returned to out of habit.
*
âWhat is this?â
Mingyu froze at the sound of your voice. He hadnât expected to find you thereâstanding in the middle of his studio, as if you had every right to be. As if this place still belonged to both of you.
His gaze dropped to your hand. The papers. A copy of the divorce documents his lawyer had prepared, edges slightly crumpled where your fingers held them too tightly.
For a moment, neither of you moved.
It had beenâwhatâalmost a year since you last stepped into his studio?
A year since you last stood among the canvases, the smell of paint, the quiet that used to feel like a shared language between you.
Mingyu had stopped expecting you to come back. Somewhere along the way, he thought you had forgotten this part of him existed. That the version of him who painted, who stayed up all night chasing colors and light and meaningâhad slowly disappeared in your eyes. All that was left was a husband. A role you had grown tired of. A man you no longer looked at the same way.
And yet, here you were. Holding the proof of everything he hadnât said out loud.
Mingyu exhaled slowly, setting his keys down on the nearest surface, the sound sharper than intended in the stillness.
âItâs exactly what it looks like,â he said. His voice came out calmer than he felt. Controlled. Practiced.
Like this moment had been waiting for him long enough that he had already rehearsed it in his head. But something in your expression made that composure feel fragile.
Because you werenât angry. You werenât even upset in the way he expected. You just⊠looked lost.
Your eyes moved over the paper again, slower this time, like the words refused to settle properly in your mind.
âWhat do you mean?â you asked, quieter now.
And that made something twist in his chest. Mingyu frowned, confusion flickering through the irritation he had been holding onto for months. âItâs a divorce, Y/n,â he said, the words landing heavier than he intended. âWhat else would it mean?â
You didnât answer right away. Your grip on the paper loosened slightly, like your hands had forgotten why they were holding it in the first place. Your brows pulled togetherânot in anger, not in hurt but in something closer to disbelief.
âNo,â you murmured, almost to yourself.
Mingyuâs jaw tightened.
He had expected resistance. Denial, maybe. Even anger. But not this. Not the way you looked at him like he had just said something that didnât make sense. Like the idea itself didnât belong to your reality.
âWeâre notââ you started, then stopped, your voice faltering in a way he hadnât heard in a long time. âWeâre not at that point.â
Mingyu let out a short, humorless breath.
âArenât we?â
The question hung between you, sharp and unforgiving.
You looked at him like he was saying something unreal. Like the ground beneath you hadnât already been breaking for months.
Mingyu watched that expression linger on your face, and for a secondâjust a secondâsomething in him wavered. Then it settled. Back into something heavier. Quieter.
âIâm tired, Y/n.â
The words came out low. Not sharp. Not accusing. Just⊠tired. He ran a hand over his face, exhaling slowly as if even speaking took more effort than it should. âI donât think you understand how long Iâve been tired.â
You didnât move. Didnât interrupt.
So he continued. âIâve been trying to figure us out for a year now,â Mingyu said, his voice steady but worn at the edges. âTrying to understand what went wrong. What changed. What I didâwhat you didâwhat we did.â
His gaze dropped briefly to the floor before returning to you. âAnd every time I think Iâm getting somewhere, it justââ He let out a quiet breath, shaking his head. âIt just resets.â
There it was. The thing he never knew how to explain without sounding irrational.
âYou act like nothing happened,â he went on, slower now, choosing his words carefully. âOr you disappear. Or you come back and itâs like weâre not even talking about the same things anymore.â
His jaw tightened slightly.
âI donât know how to keep up with that.â
The studio felt smaller with every word. Mingyu took a step back, more for himself than for distance between you.
âI feel like Iâm the only one fighting,â he said. âThe only one holding onto them. The only one trying to fix something thatââ He stopped, swallowing. ââthat you donât even seem to think is broken.â
Silence pressed in again. Heavy. Unforgiving.
âI used to think you stopped caring,â he admitted after a moment, his voice quieter now. âThat maybe you just⊠fell out of love. And I tried to accept that.â
His lips pressed into a thin line.
âBecause at least that would make sense.â
But this? This didnât. Mingyu looked at you thenâreally looked at youâand whatever he saw didnât ease anything inside him. It only made him more tired.
âI donât recognize us anymore,â he said. âI donât recognize you.â
The words werenât harsh. But they landed harder because of it.
âAnd I donât want to keep living like this,â he added, almost gently. âComing home and not knowing which version of you Iâm going to get. Wondering if anything we say to each other is going to matter the next day.â
He let out a breath that felt like it had been sitting in his chest for months.
âI canât keep doing that.â
Your fingers tightened slightly around the papers again, but you still hadnât said anything.
That scared him more than anger would have. So he finished it.
âI justâŠâ Mingyu paused, his voice dipping lower, quieterâlike the truth had finally settled into something he couldnât avoid anymore. âI just want it to end.â
A beat. Then, softerâ
âI want a divorce.â
No anger. No raised voice. Just a man who had run out of ways to hold something together on his own.
*
Your head was spinning by the time you stepped out of Mingyuâs studio.
The air outside felt differentâtoo open, too sharp against your skinâas you made your way toward your car. Each step came a little uneven, like your body hadnât quite caught up with everything that had just happened.
Your breath hitched. Something tight lodged itself in your throat as you reached for the door handle, fingers fumbling for a second before finally pulling it open. You slid into the driverâs seat, the quiet inside the car closing in around you almost immediately.Too quiet.
You shut the door. And for a moment, you just sat there. Your hands came up to your face instinctively, pressing against your eyes, your templesâlike you could steady the spinning inside your head if you just held on tight enough.
Take a breath. Justâbreathe. You tried.
But it came out uneven. Shallow.
âDivorceâŠ?â The word felt wrong in your mouth. Unfamiliar. Like it didnât belong to you.
Your brows pulled together, confusion settling deeper as you leaned back against the seat, staring blankly at the windshield. You didnât understand. Not really.
Why would Mingyuâout of nowhereâwant a divorce? The question circled, over and over, but never landed anywhere solid. Out of nowhere. Thatâs what it felt like.
There hadnât been a conversation. No warning. No moment where things felt that broken. Yes, youâd been busy. Yes, things had been quieter between you. But that was normal, wasnât it?
It had to be.
Your fingers tightened slightly against your sleeves as you tried to retrace your stepsâlast night, the days before, the past weekâ
But the thoughts didnât line up the way they should. They slipped. Blurred at the edges. You exhaled shakily, pressing your lips together. This didnât make sense. None of it did. Mingyu looked serious. Tired. But that didnât match the version of things in your head.
Because in your mind, you were still trying.
You drove to the gallery on autopilot.
The roads blurred past you, familiar turns taken without thought, your hands steady on the wheel even as your mind refused to settle. By the time you pulled into the parking lot, the tightness in your chest hadnât easedâit had only sunk deeper, quieter.
You couldnât afford to think about it now. Not here. Not when people were waiting. You stepped out of the car, smoothing down your clothes, forcing your expression into something composedâsomething professional. The moment you walked through the doors, the noise of the gallery wrapped around you. Conversations. Footsteps. The low hum of a place alive with people.
Normal. Everything looked normal. You held onto that as you made your way toward your office.
But thenâ
Seungkwan. He was standing a few steps away, already looking at you. Not casually.bNot like heâd just noticed you. He was staring. And something about the look on his face made your steps falter, just slightly.
Before you could reach your office door, he movedâquickly, cutting you off.
âY/n,â he called, breath uneven like he had rushed over. âWhat are you doing here?â
You blinked at him. âWhat do you mean?â you replied, frowning slightly. âI have work.â
His expression didnât change. If anything, it deepened.
âHow are you?â he asked instead, his tone shiftingâcareful now, like he was testing something fragile.
The question threw you off more than it should have.
âIâm fine,â you said, a little too quickly. âSeungkwan, I have a lot of things to do. No time forââ you waved your hand slightly, searching for the word, ââcasualty.â
His brows furrowed.
âWhat?â he said, almost under his breath. Then louder, more certain, âWhat are you talking about?â
A pause.
Thenâ
âItâs been a week since you resigned.â
The words didnât land all at once. They hit, then echoedâlike your mind needed time to catch up.
You stared at him.
ââŠWhat?â
Seungkwan didnât smile. Didnât laugh it off like it was a joke. He just looked at youâreally looked at you this time, something serious settling into his expression.
âY/n,â he said slowly, âyou said it yourself.â
Your chest tightened. âNo,â you interrupted, shaking your head immediately. âWhy would I do that?â
He didnât answer right away.
And that hesitation, that was worse.
âBabe,â he said softly, the word sounding more like concern than familiarity now, âyou told me you were trying to conceive. That you wanted to focus on that.â
Your breath caught.
âThatâs why you resigned.â
Something in your stomach dropped.
Hard. You shook your head again, more firmly this time, even as the movement felt disconnectedâlike your body was reacting before your mind could.
âI never said that,â you insisted, your voice tightening. âAnd I never resigned.â
The words came out certain. Too certain. Because the moment they left your mouth, something flickered.
A fragment. A feeling. Not quite a memory. Your fingers curled slightly at your sides.
âThat doesnât make sense,â you added, quieter now, like you were trying to convince yourself as much as him. âWhy would I resign?â
Seungkwan didnât respond. He just watched you. You noticed it. The way he was looking at you. Not confused. Not annoyed. But worried.
âYou know I donât want to get pregnant and get those morning sickness again, SeungkwanâŠâ
The words slipped out before you could stop them.
They hung in the airâwrong.
Your own voice sounded distant to your ears, like it didnât quite belong to you. The moment stretched, thin and fragile, as something inside your chest tightened sharply.
Seungkwan froze.
Not dramatically. Not all at once. Justâstill. His expression faltered in a way you had never seen before, the concern in his eyes shifting into something heavier. Something that made your stomach drop before he even said a word.
âAgain?â he asked quietly.
Your breath caught. You blinked at him, confusion knitting your brows as your mind scrambled to catch up with what you had just said.
âIââ You stopped, swallowing. âThatâs not what I meant.â
But it was. Wasnât it? The word lingered in your head now, louder than anything else.
Again.
Your fingers curled slightly against your palm, nails pressing into your skin as if that could ground you, anchor you to something real.
âIâve neverââ you started, your voice unsteady now, âIâve never been pregnant.â
Seungkwan didnât answer immediately.
And that silenceâ
it was too long. Too careful. Too heavy.
Your heart began to pound, slow and uneven, as something cold crept up your spine.
âY/nâŠâ he said finally, his voice softer now, like he was approaching something breakable. âYou donât remember?â
The question didnât feel like a question. It felt like a confirmation.
Your head shook almost instinctively, small at first, then firmer. âRemember what?â you asked, the words coming out sharper than you intended. âWhat are you talking about?â
But even as you said it, your chest tightened. Your body knew. Before your mind did.
A flicker, white walls. A smell you couldnât place. Your hands gripping somethingâhard. Pain.
A sharp inhale tore through your throat as you staggered back a step, your hand reaching blindly for the edge of a desk to steady yourself.
It slipped. Gone before you could hold onto it.
âWhatââ you whispered, your voice breaking, âwhat is that?â
Seungkwan moved closer instinctively, but stopped himself just short of touching you, like he wasnât sure if he should.
âYouâŠâ He hesitated, jaw tightening. âYou were pregnant.â
The world tilted.
âNo,â you said immediately. Too fast. Too desperate.
âNo, thatâs notâno.â
But the denial didnât settle the way it should have. It didnât feel solid. It felt like something you were trying to force into place over a crack that had already split open.
Seungkwanâs gaze didnât leave you. âYou miscarried,â he said, gently.
The word hit harder than anything else.
Miscarried.
Your breath left you in a shaky exhale, your grip tightening on the desk as your knees threatened to give out.
âThatâs not possible,â you whispered..
Seungkwan didnât say anything for a while after that. Like he had already said too much. The space between you stretched thin, fragile, filled with things neither of you seemed ready to touch. You werenât sure how long you stood thereâseconds, minutesâtime felt⊠off. Slower. Heavier.
âTheyâre recruiting a new director,â he said.
Your head snapped up. âWhat?â
His gaze softened, but it didnât waver. âManagement made the announcement three days ago. I thought you knew.â
You didnât. Of course, you didnât.
âIâŠâ Your voice trailed off, the words refusing to come together. âNo one told me.â
Seungkwan hesitated, then exhaled slowly. âYou werenât here, Y/n.â
That again. That same sentence, dressed differently. Your fingers curled slightly at your sides.
âI packed your things,â he added after a moment, gesturing toward your office. âJust in case you needed them.â
You didnât respond. You just walked past him. Each step felt heavier than the last as you pushed the door open and stepped into your officeâyour office. The space looked untouched at first glance. Clean. Organized. The way you always kept it. But something was off. Too neat. Too⊠finished.
There, on your desk, sat a box. Simple. Brown. Sealed loosely, like it had been opened and closed more than once.
You approached it slowly. Your hands hovered for a second before finally lifting the lid. Inside was your things. Files. Notebooks. Small personal items you barely registered as you shifted them aside, your movements growing more restless, more urgentâas if you were looking for something without knowing what it was.
Anything that would make sense. Anything that would prove this was wrong.
Your fingers brushed against a document. You pulled it out. Your name. Printed clearly at the top. The rest of the words blurred for a second before your vision steadied, your eyes tracing the lines slowlyâtoo slowly, like your mind was resisting every letter.
Patient Name: Y/n.
Date: two weeks ago.
Your breath caught. And then, there it was.
Miscarriage.
The word sat there, unchanging. Unforgiving. You stared at it. Waiting for it to make sense. Waiting for somethingâanythingâto connect. But nothing came. No memory. No image. No feeling strong enough to claim it as yours. Just⊠emptiness.
Your grip on the paper tightened slightly, the edges crumpling under your fingers without you realizing. Two weeks ago. You tried to think back. Tried to force your mind to go there,to that day, that moment, anything. But it was like reaching into a void. Nothing.
Your lips parted slightly, a breath escaping you that didnât quite feel like your own.
ââŠNo.â
It came out barely audible. Because if this was real, if this had happened, then what else had you forgotten? And why, why did your body feel like it already knew?
*
You woke up with a sharp inhale. Dark. For a second, you didnât move. The ceiling above you felt unfamiliarâtoo high, the corners of the room too shadowed. Your body was stiff, like you had been lying there for hours, unmoving.
Your breath came uneven as you pushed yourself up, the sheets falling from your shoulders. The room slowly came into focus. You knew it. Your parentsâ house.
The realization settled in, slow and heavy, as your eyes moved around the space. The furniture. The curtains. The faint scent lingering in the airâfamiliar in a way that made your chest tighten.
How did you get here? You couldnât remember. Not the drive. Not arriving. Not even deciding to come. Nothing. A flicker of unease crept up your spine.
You swung your legs off the bed, your bare feet meeting the cold floor as you stood. The house was quiet as you stepped out of the room, the hallway dimly lit by a single lamp left on somewhere in the distance.
You checked the time. Midnight. Your brows furrowed. Why⊠were you here?
The thought came quickly, almost instinctiveâ
Mingyu.
Wouldnât he be waiting for you? At home. The idea felt solid. Certain. Like something you could hold onto.
You stepped outside without thinking much of it, still in your pajamas, the night air brushing against your skin as you wrapped your arms around yourself. It felt colder than it should have.
Your phone was already in your hand before you realized it. You called him. It rang once. Twice.
âHello?â His voice was there. Low. Tired. Familiar.
Your throat tightened slightly.
âCan you pick me up?â you said, the words coming out softer than you intended. âIâm at my parentsâ. I donât know why Iâm hereâŠâ
There was a pause on the other end. Short. But heavy.
ââŠAlright,â Mingyu replied finally. âIâll be there in ten.â
The line went dead. You stood there for a moment longer, staring at your screen before lowering it slowly, something uneasy settling deep in your chest. You couldnât name it. Only that it didnât feel right.
Mingyu arrived exactly ten minutes later. His jeep pulled into the driveway, headlights cutting through the darkness before the engine went still. You didnât wait. You moved toward the car immediately, opening the door and slipping into the passenger seat.
The warmth inside hit you all at once. You shut the door quietly. For a moment, neither of you spoke. The engine started again. You glanced at him from the corner of your eye.
He looked⊠tired. More than usual. His grip on the steering wheel was tight, his jaw set in a way that made something in your chest twist.
âYou seem tired,â you said gently, trying to ease the silence. âLong day?â
The words felt normal. Casual. Like something you had said a hundred times before. Mingyu didnât answer right away. The car kept moving. He turned his head slightly, just enough to look at you.
âReally?â he said. His voice wasnât loud. But it wasnât soft either. There was something under it. Something sharp.
âAre you acting right now, Y/n?â
The question didnât land all at once. It hit. And thenâ everything followed. At once. Too fast. Too much. The fight. Your voiceâstrained, repeating the same thing over and over. The door closing. Silence stretching for days. Getting lost, NoâWalking. BarefootâCold pavementâHands shaking. White walls. Pain. A word. Miscarriage. Paper. Your name. Seungkwanâs voiceâ You resigned. You were pregnant. Mingyu. The studio. The papers in your hand. Divorce.
Your breath caught violently, your fingers gripping the edge of the seat as your head spun, the pieces crashing into each other without order, without mercy.
You froze. Completely still. Because none of itâ none of it lined up. Not cleanly. Not clearly. Some of it felt real. Too real. But some of itâ felt distant. Blurry. Like something you had dreamed and then half-forgotten.
Your chest rose and fell unevenly as your mind scrambled, trying to sort through itâtrying to separate what was real from what wasnât.
The car felt too small, like the air inside had been sucked out. Your breath came uneven, fingers gripping the edge of the seat as if that was the only thing keeping you grounded. Something was wrongâdeeply, terribly wrong. âMingyuâŠâ your voice trembled, barely audible. âI⊠I donâtââ The words dissolved before they could form, because it started.
Not like remembering. Not clean, not wholeâbut like something cracking open inside your head.
A flash of white. Too bright. The sharp, sterile smell hit you first, making your stomach twist violently. You flinched, your hand flying to your abdomen without thinking. Pain followedâsudden, overwhelmingâyour body curling into itself as if reliving it. âMingyuââ your voice echoed weakly in your head, breaking, but no one answered.
The car slowed, Mingyu glancing at you, saying somethingâyour name, maybeâbut you couldnât hear him. The memories kept coming.
A phone screen. Your own reflection staring backâpale, hollow-eyed. A message half-typed: Where are you? Deleted. Typed again. Deleted again. The door closingâhis voice, distant, muffled like it was underwater. I need space.
Your chest tightened painfully. âNoâŠâ you whispered, shaking your head, but it didnât stop.
The floor was cold beneath your knees. Your hands clutched your stomach, breath breaking into uncontrollable sobs. Something warm. Wet. Your vision blurred as you looked down.
Red.
A sharp gasp tore from your throat, your body recoiling as if burned. âMingyuââ this time louder, desperate. Still, the memory didnât release you.
Voicesâstrangers. Panic, urgency. âStay with me, maâamââ âCall someoneâdoes she have someoneâ?â Your head felt heavy, your fingers weakly gripping someoneâs sleeve. âMingyuâŠâ barely a sound.
Then silence.
A room too quiet. Your hands resting on your stomach, and you already knew. Before anyone told you, before any words were spokenâyou knew. Empty.
Time blurred. Hours, daysâyou couldnât tell. Curtains drawn, your phone lighting up beside you. His name on the screen. You didnât answer. You couldnât.
Another shift.
You stood in front of the mirror, staring at someone who looked like you but didnât feel like you. Your lips moved, forcing a smile that didnât belong. âEverythingâs fine.â Again. âEverythingâs fine.â Again. Again.
âY/N!â
The world snapped back violently.
The car. The road. Mingyuâs voice, closer now. His hand gripping your arm, his face tight with something between fear and disbelief. âHeyâhey, look at meâwhatâs wrong with you?â Your breathing came in short, broken gasps as you stared at him, not fully seeing him, because the last piece settled inâslow, heavy, unavoidable.
The paper in your hand. Miscarriage. Your name printed beneath it. Two weeks ago.
Your lips parted, but no sound came at first. Your eyes trembled as they searched his face, like you were seeing him for the first timeâor finally understanding. âIâŠâ your voice came out hollow. âI was pregnant.â The words felt distant, unreal. âIââ your breath hitched sharply. âI lost it.â
Silence filled the car, thick and suffocating.
Your fingers curled into your clothes, shaking. âAnd youâŠâ your voice crackedânot accusing, not angry, just broken. âYou werenât thereâŠâ
The moment the words left you, something shifted again. Your expression faltered, confusion creeping back in, fragile and disoriented. âIâŠâ your brows furrowed weakly. âWhy werenât you there?â
Not blame. Not yet. Just a question. A real one.
Like you didnât remember asking it before. Like you didnât remember living through it at all.
And that was when it truly brokeânot just the memory, not just the loss, but the realization that you had lived through something that shattered you⊠and your mind had decided you couldnât survive remembering it.
*
Mingyu didnât answer. Not because he didnât want toâbut because he couldnât.
His hand was still wrapped around your arm, fingers tightening without him realizing, like if he let go you might disappear right in front of him. His eyes searched your face, scanning every inch of it as if the answer was written somewhere there, hidden beneath your expression.
âIâwhat?â he let out a breathless, disbelieving sound. âWhat are you talking about?â
His voice came out sharper than he intended, confusion laced heavily through it. There was something else tooâsomething unsettled, almost uneasy.
âYouâre⊠pregnant?â he repeated, the word sounding foreign in his mouth. âY/N, whatââ
He stopped. Because you didnât look like you were lying. You didnât look like you were avoiding him, or deflecting, or doing that thing he had grown so used toâsmiling like nothing happened, brushing everything under the rug until he was the only one left holding onto it.
No. You looked⊠lost. Completely, terrifyingly lost.
âI lost it,â you said again, softer this time, like you were trying to convince yourself more than him. Your eyes drifted away from him, unfocused, like you were seeing something else entirely.
Mingyuâs grip loosened slightly. Something about this felt wrong. Not wrong like your usual fights. Not wrong like miscommunication or stubbornness or hurt pride.
This felt off. Like he had walked into the middle of something he didnât understand, something that had been happening without him even knowing.
âY/N,â his voice dropped, slower now, cautious. âWhat are you saying?â
You didnât answer him directly. Instead, you looked back at him, your expression fragile, almost childlike in its confusion. âYou left,â you murmured. âYou said you needed space.â
Mingyuâs brows pulled together immediately. âYeah, Iââ he started, but stopped halfway.
Because the way you said It didnât sound like you were recalling a recent argument. It sounded like you were reliving something.
âAnd thenâŠâ your voice wavered, your hand instinctively pressing against your stomach again. âIt hurt. I was alone.â
His stomach dropped. A strange, cold feeling crept up his spine.
âAlone?â he echoed, quieter now.
You nodded faintly, eyes glossing over. âI called you,â you whispered. âI think I did⊠I donâtââ Your breathing picked up again, panic slipping back in. âI donât remember if you answered.â
Mingyu froze.
âI didnâtââ he said quickly, almost defensively. âYou didnât call me.â
But even as the words left his mouth, they didnât sit right. Did you? He wouldâve remembered, wouldnât he?
His mind raced back, trying to piece together the timelineâthe fight, him leaving, the days after. Everything felt⊠blurred. He remembered being angry. He remembered ignoring a few callsâno, not calls, messages. Or were they calls?
His chest tightened.
âY/N,â he said again, but his voice had changed. Less certain. âWhen⊠when did this happen?â
You blinked at him. Slowly. Like the question itself didnât make sense.
âI donât know,â you admitted, your voice small, trembling. âI thought it was just today. ButâŠâ Your fingers curled into your clothes again, shaking. âThey said two weeks.â
Two weeks. The words echoed in his head. Two weeks ago. Mingyuâs grip on the steering wheel tightened, his knuckles paling as something heavy began to settle in his chest. Two weeks ago, he wasnât there.
He swallowed hard, his gaze flickering back to you. You were still looking at him like you needed him to make sense of it. Like he was supposed to explain what happened to you.
But he couldnât. Because none of this made sense. Not the pregnancy. Not the miscarriage. Not the way you were remembering things in piecesâout of order, like broken fragments that didnât quite fit together.
And most of all, ot the way you were looking at him right now. Like he was both familiar and unfamiliar at the same time.
Like you knew him, but didnât fully remember what he had done. A quiet, unsettling realization crept into his mind, one he didnât want to touch, didnât want to fully form.
âThis isnâtâŠâ he started, his voice low, uncertain. âY/N, this isnât you just⊠pretending, is it?â
The question hung in the air. Fragile. Dangerous.
You didnât answer him. Not right away.
Your lips parted slightly, like you wanted to say somethingâexplain, maybeâbut nothing came out. The words were there, somewhere in your head, but they felt out of reach, slipping further the harder you tried to grab them.
âIâŠâ your voice cracked, barely holding together. âI donât know.â
And that was it. That was the last thing keeping you from falling apart.
Your breath hitched sharply, your chest tightening like something inside had finally snapped loose. The fragments in your headâvoices, images, pain, silenceâcrashed into each other all at once, too loud, too overwhelming.
âI donât know whatâs happening,â you whispered, but it quickly broke into something heavier, something desperate. âI donât know whatâs real, Mingyuââ
Your hands came up to your head, fingers tangling in your hair as if you could physically hold yourself together. âI remember thingsâbut then I donâtâand it hurts and I donât know why it hurts and I donâtââ
Your voice collapsed into a sob. Raw. Uncontrolled.
âI donât understand,â you cried, shaking now, your whole body folding in on itself. âWhy canât I remember? Why does it feel like I forgot something important? Something really importantââ
Your words dissolved into broken sobs, your breathing uneven, almost choking as you tried to take in air.
âI feel like I lost something,â you whispered weakly, your voice barely there now. âBut I donât even remember losing itâŠâ
Mingyu didnât think anymore. Didnât question. Didnât try to piece anything together. Because seeing you like thisâbreaking right in front of him, not pulling away, not pretending, not brushing it off. It did something to him. Something heavy. Something sharp.
âHeyâhey,â he said quickly, his voice dropping, panic threading through it as he reached for you.
You didnât resist. Didnât even react. Your body leaned into him the moment his arms wrapped around you, like you had nothing left to hold yourself up. His hand came up to the back of your head, pressing you gently against his chest, the other arm tightening around you as if he could keep you from falling apart any further.
âIâve got you,â he murmured, though his voice wasnât as steady as he wanted it to be. âHey⊠itâs okay. Itâs okay.â
But it wasnât. He knew that. You knew that. Stillâyou clung to him.
Your fingers gripping onto his shirt, clutching it tightly as your sobs broke freely now, muffled against his chest. Your whole body trembled, each breath shaky and uneven, like you were trying to breathe through something too heavy to carry.
âMingyuâŠâ his name came out broken, barely recognizable. âIâm scared.â
That did it.
His arms tightened around you instinctively, his jaw clenching as something painful twisted deep in his chest.
âI know,â he whispered, his hand gently pressing against your hair, trying to soothe you even though he had no idea how. âI know⊠Iâm here.â
Your grip on him only tightened.
âDonât leave,â you said suddenly, the words spilling out in a fragile, desperate plea. âPlease donât leave me againâI donât⊠I donât think I can handle it if youââ
Your voice broke completely. Mingyu froze.
Again.
The words hit him harder than anything else had.
Again.
His throat tightened, something heavy lodging itself there as his mind flashed backâto the door closing, to his own voice saying he needed space, to the silence he left you in. To two weeks ago. To the time you said you couldnât remember.
He swallowed hard, his hold on you tightening almost protectively now, like he was trying to make up for something that had already happened.
âIâm not going anywhere,â he said quietly, but this time there was something different in his voice.
âIâm here,â he repeated, softer, his hand moving gently against your hair. âIâm right here, Y/N.â
You didnât question it. Didnât pull away. You just held onto him tighter, like he was the only thing that still made sense in a world that suddenly didnât.
*
The hospital felt too brightâtoo clean, too unforgiving. Mingyu sat outside your room, elbows resting on his knees, hands hanging loosely between them. They were still trembling, though he barely noticed anymore. Everything felt distant, like he was sitting behind glass, watching someone elseâs life unfold.
You were inside. Unconscious.
Again. He didnât know how it got to this point. One moment you were in his armsâshaking, crying, clinging to him like he was the only thing keeping you togetherâand the next, your body went slack. Your voice disappeared. Your grip loosened.
And just like that, you were gone.
The doctor said it wasnât physical. Not entirely. âSevere stress response,â they called it. Something about your body shutting down because your mind couldnât handle it anymore. Mingyu didnât fully understand, but he knew one thingâthis wasnât normal. This wasnât you avoiding fights or pretending nothing happened. This was something deeper. Something he had completely missed.
He dragged a hand down his face, exhaling shakily. His chest felt tight, like something was pressing against it from the inside. How long has this been happening? The question wouldnât leave him alone. How long had you been like this⊠and he just didnât see it?
Footsteps approached from the end of the hallwayâsoft, careful, familiar. Mingyu lifted his head slightly.
Your parents. Your mother looked like she hadnât slept. Your father stood beside her, quieter, but just as tense. The moment their eyes met Mingyuâs, something shiftedâsomething uneasy, something unspoken. They already knew.
âIs she awake?â your mother asked, her voice low, controlled, though the fear beneath it was obvious.
Mingyu shook his head. âNo⊠not yet.â
Silence settled between them, heavy and suffocating. Your father nodded slowly, like he expected that answerâlike this wasnât new. And that made something twist painfully in Mingyuâs chest.
ââŠHas this happened before?â he asked, his voice quieter now, careful.
Your parents exchanged a lookânot confusion, not surprise, but hesitation. And that alone told him more than he wanted to know.
Mingyu straightened slightly, his brows pulling together. âPlease,â he said, more firmly this time. âI need to know whatâs going on with her.â
Your motherâs lips parted, but no words came out at first. She looked at your father, like she needed permissionâor strength. Your father exhaled slowly, then spoke.
âSheâs had episodes like this before.â
The words landed heavier than they should have.
âEpisodesâŠ?â Mingyu echoed, his voice tightening.
âNot exactly like this,â your mother added quickly, her tone fragile. âBut⊠similar. When she was younger.â
Younger.
Mingyuâs stomach dropped. âHow young?â
A pause. A long one.
âAfter high school,â your father said quietly.
Your mother looked away this time, her fingers tightening around each other. âShe went through⊠something,â she said carefully. âSomething that affected her deeply.â
The vagueness only made his chest tighten more. âWhat kind of something?â Mingyu pressed, his voice sharper now. âSheâs losing her memory, she collapsed in my arms, she thinks she was pregnant and lost it but doesnât even remember when it happenedâhow am I supposed to understand any of this if you keepââ
âShe was assaulted.â
The words cut through everything. Clean. Immediate. Mingyu went completely still.
ââŠWhat?â The word barely left him.
Your father didnât look away. âWhen she was a teenager,â he said. âShe didnât tell us right away. We only found out later⊠when things started getting worse.â
Mingyuâs mind struggled to process it. Assaulted. You. His gaze flickered instinctively toward your hospital room door, like it didnât match the person lying inside.
âShe developed severe depression after that,â your mother continued softly. âShe was on medication for a long time. It affected her body⊠her weight. And people werenât kind.â
Mingyu clenched his jaw, something sharp twisting in his chest. He could almost see it nowâpieces of you he never knew existed. Pain you never spoke about.
âWe sent her abroad,â your father added. âA change of environment. It helped⊠for a while.â
âFor a while,â Mingyu repeated under his breath, because clearlyâit didnât fix everything.
âWhy didnât she tell me?â he asked, quieter now, no anger leftâjust confusion.
Your mother gave a sad, knowing look. âShe doesnât talk about it,â she said. âNot even to us. She tries to move on. Pretend it doesnât exist.â
Mingyu let out a hollow breath, leaning back slightly as everything started connectingâslowly, painfully. The way you avoided certain topics. The way you reacted to your body. The way you held onto control. The way you forgot.
âAnd the memory loss?â he asked, more hesitant now.
Your father paused, then answered, âItâs happened before. Not this severe. But when sheâs under extreme stress⊠she dissociates.â
Mingyu closed his eyes briefly. Dissociates. So this wasnât new. It was just worse now.
And suddenly, everything you said in the car came rushing back.
His chest tightened sharply. It wasnât that you didnât care. It wasnât that you were ignoring things. It was that your mind simply couldnât hold themânot when they hurt too much.
âAnd the pregnancy?â he asked, almost afraid of the answer. âDid you⊠know about that?â
Your parents fell silent. Your mother looked down. Your father didnât answer. And that silence said everything.
Mingyuâs breath hitched.Because that meantâyou went through it. Alone. While he was gone.
His jaw tightened, something heavy and suffocating settling in his chest. Not anger. Not frustration. Something worse. Regret.
Your mother hesitated, like she was debating whether to say more. Her fingers twisted together, eyes briefly flickering toward your hospital room before returning to Mingyu.
âSometimes⊠she comes home. To us.â
âShe shows up late. Sometimes in the middle of the night.â
Your mother let out a small, shaky breath. âRecently. The past few months.â
Something in his chest dropped.
âShe comes crying,â your mother continued, her voice wavering now despite her effort to stay composed. âSaying youâre not home. That you havenât been home for days. That she canât reach you.â
Mingyuâs lips parted slightly, but no words came out. Because that didnât make sense.
âI was home,â he said, almost instinctively. âI mean⊠not always, but Iââ He stopped himself, his thoughts tangling. There were days he stayed longer at the studio. Nights he didnât come back until late. Times he ignored your calls because he was still upset.
But days?
ââŠI didnât leave for days,â he finished, though the certainty in his voice had already weakened.
Your father didnât argue. Your mother only looked at himâsadly.
âShe believed it,â she said. âEvery time she came to us, she was convinced you were gone. That you left her.â
Mingyu felt something cold settle in his stomach.
âShe would cry for hours,â your mother went on, her voice quieter now, like each word was getting harder to say. âShe kept asking what she did wrong. Why you wouldnât come back.â
His chest tightened painfully.
âShe said you were upset,â your father added. âThat you were tired of her. That you needed space.â
Mingyuâs jaw clenched. Because he did say that. Not once. Not lightly.
âI need space.â
The words echoed in his head now, heavier than before.
âBut thenâŠâ your mother paused, her voice breaking slightly. âThe next morning, she would wake up and act like nothing happened.â
Mingyuâs breath caught.
âSheâd smile,â she continued. âTalk normally. Ask us why we looked so worried.â
Your father exhaled slowly. âSometimes she didnât even remember coming to us.â
Silence fell heavily between them. Mingyu stared ahead, but he wasnât really seeing anything anymore. The hallway blurred slightly, his mind tryingâfailingâto process it all.
âShe forgets?â he said, barely above a whisper.
Your mother nodded. âNot everything. But⊠the parts that hurt the most.â
Mingyuâs hands slowly curled into fists, resting against his knees.
Because suddenly, everything made sense in the worst way possible. The nights you accused him of being distant. The mornings you kissed him like nothing happened. The way your arguments never seemed to carry over. The way he thought you just didnât care enough to hold onto them.
It wasnât that you didnât remember. It was that you couldnât. A sharp breath left him as something twisted painfully in his chest.
âAnd the nightâŠâ your mother hesitated again, then continued softly, âthe night she lost the babyâŠâ
Mingyuâs head snapped up.
âShe came to us,â she said. âCrying. In pain. We told her to go to the hospital, but she kept saying she needed to wait for you. That youâd come home.â
His stomach dropped.
âShe kept calling you,â your father added quietly.
Mingyu froze.
âShe said you werenât answering,â your mother whispered.
His mind went blank for a second. Then, slowly, memories started creeping in. His phone buzzed. Once. Twice. Again. He remembered glancing at it. Your name lighting up the screen. And himâ turning it face down. Because he was still angry. Because he needed space.
Because he thought, it could wait. Mingyuâs breathing grew shallow.
âShe left after a while,â your father continued. âSaid she didnât want to bother you anymore. That sheâd handle it herself.â
Your motherâs voice broke this time. âWe didnât know it would get that bad.â
Silence. Heavy. Unforgiving.
Mingyu couldnât move. Couldnât speak.
Because now, now he knew. You didnât just go through it alone. You tried to reach him. And he wasnât there.
Not because he couldnât be. But because he chose not to be. His throat tightened painfully, something sharp pressing against it as his gaze slowly dropped to his hands.
And for the first time Mingyu realized that the moments he thought were small, the ones he brushed off as just another fight were the same moments you were breaking and reaching for him at the same time.
*
You noticed it. You had always noticed. At first, it was small. So small you could still pretend it was normal.
You would forget thingsâlittle things. Where you placed your keys, whether you had eaten, what day it was. You laughed it off, brushed it aside, told yourself you were just tired. Overworked. Distracted. But then it wasnât just things.
It was moments. You would be in the middle of a conversation and suddenly feel like you had stepped out of your own body, like you were watching yourself speak from somewhere far away. Your voice would continue, your lips would moveâbut it didnât feel like you anymore.
Like someone else had taken over for a second. You noticed it. The way time slipped. The way hours would pass without weight, without memory, without anything to hold onto when you tried to look back.
At first, you caught it. You would pause, frown, try to retrace your steps. What did I just do? What did I just say? Sometimes you could piece it together. Sometimes you couldnât.
And when you couldnât, that was when the fear started.
So you learned to fill the gaps. You smiled when you were supposed to smile. You spoke when it was expected of you. You followed routines, patterns, anything that could make you look normal enough so no one would notice the spaces in between.
Especially him. Especially Mingyu. You noticed how he would look at you sometimes. Confused. Frustrated. Like he was trying to hold onto something that kept slipping through his fingers.
And you hated that look. So you got better at pretending. Better at stitching things together. Better at acting like nothing ever happened. Like the fights never happened. Like the words you couldnât remember saying were never spoken. Like the nights you cried yourself to sleep didnât exist the next morning.
You told yourself it was easier that way.
Safer.
If you didnât acknowledge it, then maybe it wasnât real. If you kept moving, kept smiling, kept beingâthen maybe you wouldnât have to face whatever was breaking inside of you.
But the shifts got worse. Longer. Deeper. There were days you couldnât remember at all. Faces that felt familiar but distant. Places you didnât remember going. Conversations that were thrown back at you like accusations, and all you could do was stareâblank, lost, guilty for something you didnât even know you had done.
You started to question yourself. Your own mind. Did I say that? Did I do that? Or was it just⊠someone else wearing your skin? You noticed it.
You noticed the way fear slowly turned into something heavier. Something quieter. Something you couldnât quite name. Until one day, you didnât notice anymore.
The gaps stopped scaring you. Because you stopped seeing them. They became your normal. Your routine. Your way of surviving. And that terrified you more than anything ever had.
Because this was what you had been running from all along. Losing control. Losing yourself. Becoming something you couldnât recognize. Something fragile. Unstable. Broken.
You had spent so long trying not to be that girl again. The one who needed help. The one people whispered about. The one who was too much, too heavy, too complicated to love without exhaustion.
And yet, without realizing it, without even noticing when it truly began, you became her again.
Not all at once. Not dramatically. Just slowly. Quietly. Piece by piece. Until there was nothing left of the version of you that knew how to stay.
*
Someone knocked on your door at nine in the morning. The sound felt⊠distant. Like it belonged to a place you hadnât fully arrived in yet.
âCome in,â you said, though your voice came out softer than you expected.
The door opened, and a woman in a white dress stepped inside, pushing a small food cart. The wheels made a quiet sound against the floor as she approached you.
You were sitting on the bed. You noticed that. But the question came anyway. Why are you on the bed? And then, where are you?
âMs. Ji, itâs time for breakfast,â she said gently. âI brought your favorite.â
She stopped beside you, lifting the cover from the tray. Cut fruits. Boiled eggs. Toast. Simple. Plain.
You stared at it for a moment. You felt like you should recognize it. Like your body knew something your mind didnât.
âThey look boring,â you murmured honestly. Then, after a small pause, âBut⊠I think I like them.â
The woman smiled softly, like she had heard that before.
âI donât remember having a favorite food,â you added, your eyes shifting to the small name tag pinned to her chest.
Suji.
âThatâs okay,â Suji said, her voice calm, practiced in a way that didnât feel cold. âYou donât have to remember anything today.â
She helped you adjust the tray on your lap, her movements careful, unhurried.
You picked up the toast. Took a bite. It was good. Not special. Not overwhelming. Just⊠right.
You chewed slowly, quietly, while Suji moved around the room. She reached for the remote and turned on the TV, letting the sound fill the silence just enough. Channels flickered one after another. Colors. Voices. Faces that meant nothing. Until it stopped. A news channel.
âOh,â Suji said lightly, glancing at the screen. âThatâs where you used to work. Remember?â
You paused mid-chew. You worked?
The question formed in your head, but it didnât feel important enough to ask out loud. Instead, you shifted your gaze back to the screen, your hand reaching for a piece of fruit.
A man appeared on the screen. Well-dressed. Tall. Standing under bright lights as cameras flashed around him. There was applause. An award being handed to him. Your eyes lingered. Something, something moved. A small, quiet pull somewhere deep inside your chest. And then, before you could thinkâ
âKim Mingyu.â
The name slipped out of your mouth like it had always belonged there.
Suji froze slightly.
ââŠYou know him?â she asked, her tone shifting just a little.
You nodded slowly, your eyes still on the screen. There was no confusion in your expression this time. No hesitation. Just certainty.
âKim Mingyu,â you repeated softly.
A small pause.
Thenâ
âMy husband.â
The words settled into the room. Heavy. Out of place. Too certain for someone who couldnât even remember her own favorite food.
Suji looked at you, something unreadable passing through her eyesâsurprise, maybe, or something closer to concern. But you didnât notice. Because your attention stayed on the screen. On him. On the man you couldnât remember, but somehow, your heart still did.
Suji didnât bring it up again that morning. But she remembered. The way your voice changed when you said his name. The certainty. The quiet conviction that didnât match the rest of youâthe rest of the woman who couldnât remember what she liked, where she worked, or even why she was there.
My husband.
It stayed with her. Later that day, during her break, Suji sat in the small staff room with your file open in front of her.
Name: Ji Y/N
Age: 56 years old
Condition: Severe dissociative amnesia with recurring identity disturbance
Guardian: â
Emergency Contact: â
Empty. All of it.
She frowned slightly, flipping through the pages again like something might appear if she looked hard enough.
Nothing did. No family listed. No spouse. No one.
For ten years, you had been thereâadmitted, treated, stabilized, relapsed, stabilized again. Notes written by doctors, observations by nurses, small fragments of who you used to be scattered across clinical language.
But no one had ever come. No one had ever claimed you. Suji leaned back slightly, her fingers tapping lightly against the edge of the file.
ââŠKim Mingyu,â she murmured to herself. It didnât take long. Articles came up almost immediately. Interviews. Exhibitions. Photographs. A man stood behind most of themâtall, composed, carrying an air that only came with years of recognition.
Kim Mingyu. A maestro painter. Renowned. Respected. Sixty years old.
Sujiâs brows furrowed as she scrolled further, eyes scanning quickly until something caught her attention.
A profile. A short personal history. And there is a name. Yours. Listed not as current. But as something that had already ended. Former spouse.
Suji went still.
ââŠFormer?â she whispered. Her gaze flickered back to the photo of him. Then to your name beside his. Then back again. It didnât line up.
Not with the way you said it. Not with the way your eyes had looked at the screen. My husband. Not was. Not used to be.
She closed the file slowly. Her mind wandered back to the small things you had said over the years.
Fragments. You worked at a gallery. You liked quiet mornings. You didnât like being aloneâthough you often were. You had mentioned painting once. Or maybe twice. Never clearly. Never consistently. Like pieces of a story that refused to stay in place. Ten years. You had been here for ten years.
And somehow, in all that time, that name stayed. Out of everything your mind had lost, everything it had rewritten, everything it had buried. He remained. Not fully. Not correctly. But enough.
Enough for you to recognize him without remembering yourself.
Enough to call him yoursâeven when the world had already written him as something else.
Suji exhaled slowly, her grip tightening slightly around her phone. There was something about it that didnât sit right with her. A gap. A missing piece.
Or maybe too many pieces that didnât fit together anymore. She glanced back at your file one more time. Then at the name still on her screen.
Kim Mingyu.
*
The visiting room was quiet when you stepped in. Sunlight stretched across the floor, pale and distant. The chairs were arranged neatly, untouched, like no one ever stayed long enough to leave a trace.
And then you saw him. Sitting by the window. Older. Time had settled on him in quiet waysâgrey threaded through his hair, the sharpness of his youth softened into something heavier. But there was still something unmistakable about him.
Something your chest recognized before your mind could. You walked toward him slowly. He looked up. And for a moment, everything in him stilled.
Mingyu hadnât expected this. Not this version of you. Not the softness in your eyes. Not the absence of anger. Not the way you looked at him like you were trying to place him into a story you couldnât fully remember.
He had come here with something else in his chest. Old resentment. Old confusion. Questions that had stayed unanswered for decades. Because back then, he thought he knew. He thought you were distant.
Careless.
Cold.
He thought you chose to forget. Chose to walk past every fight like it meant nothing. Chose to leave him alone in a marriage that felt like it only existed on paper. So he left. He signed the papers. He told himself it was the only thing left to do. He never once thought you were sick.
ââŠY/N,â he said, your name unfamiliar after so many years.
You stopped a few steps away. You studied him. Carefully.
âI know you,â you said softly.
Mingyuâs breath caught.
âMy husband,â you added.
The word hit him harder than anything else. Not because it was wrongâ but because of how easily you said it.
Like nothing had ever broken. Like nothing had ever ended.
Mingyu swallowed.
ââŠI was,â he corrected, his voice quieter now.
You blinked.
ââŠWas,â you repeated, like you were trying to understand it. There was a pause. Something flickered behind your eyes. A shadow of something heavierâ
A studio.
Raised voices.
His voiceâ
Iâm tired. I canât do this anymore.
A paper in your hand.
The word divorce.
Your chest tightenedâ
And then it slipped.
Gone.
You smiled instead. Small. Polite. Like you always did when something didnât make sense.
Mingyu felt it. That shift. That disappearance. His brows pulled together slightly.
ââŠDo you remember?â he asked, more carefully this time.
You looked at him again. âI think I do,â you said. Then softerâ âbut it doesnât stay.â
Your fingers curled lightly against your palm.
âI was trying to tell you something,â you added suddenly.
Mingyu stilled.
âWhat?â he asked.
Your lips parted. This time you felt it more clearly. The weight sitting in your chest. The words pressing against your throat.
I was scared.
I was hurting.
I didnât understand what was happening to me.
I wasnât ignoring youâI was losing myself.
Your breathing faltered slightly.
âIââ you started.
Mingyu leaned forward just a little.
For the first time he was listening. Really listening. Not judging. Not assuming. Just waiting.
âI think⊠I was sick,â you said, your voice trembling faintly.
His chest tightened. âSick how?â he asked.
You tried.
God, you tried.
âIâŠâ Your fingers pressed against your temple, like you could hold the thoughts in place. âThere was something wrong with me. I couldnâtâ I couldnât remember things. I couldnât stay⊠I kept⊠disappearing.â
Your voice cracked.
Mingyuâs expression shifted. Confusion. Then something closer to realization.
But you werenât done. You couldnât be. You needed him to know.
âI didnât mean to hurt you,â you whispered, your eyes glistening now. âI think⊠I think I was trying to tell you. Before.â
Mingyuâs breath hitched. Before. All those times you brushed things off. All those mornings you acted like nothing happened. All those empty spaces he filled with his own anger.
ââŠWhy didnât you?â he asked, his voice low, almost breaking.
The question wasnât sharp. It was tired.
You shook your head weakly. âI tried,â you said. And you meant it. You really did. You tried in the silence. In the hesitation. In the moments where you looked at him, hoping he would see what you couldnât explain.
âI justââ your voice faltered again, your thoughts slipping, unraveling even as you reached for them. âI just canâtâŠâ
The words blurred. The meaning faded. The weight disappeared. Like it always did.
You blinked. And suddenly there was nothing. No explanation. No memory. No pain. Just emptiness.
ââŠI forgot,â you finished quietly.
Mingyu stared at you. At the woman in front of him. At the way your shoulders sank slightly, like even you were tired of failing to hold onto your own thoughts. And something inside him broke. Not loudly. Not suddenly. Justâquietly.
The kind of breaking that comes too late to fix anything. All those years. All those assumptions. All those times he thought you didnât care enough to tryâ when you had been trying all along. Alone.
ââŠI didnât know,â he said finally.
Your eyes lifted to him.
He shook his head slowly, his voice heavy with something he had never allowed himself to feel before.
âI thought you just⊠didnât love me the same way anymore.â
The words hung in the air. You frowned slightly. Love. The word felt distant. Familiar. But not something you could fully reach.
ââŠI think I did,â you said softly.
And somehow, that hurt him more.
Silence settled between you again. But this time, it wasnât empty. It was full of everything that had been missed. Everything that had never been understood. Everything that had come too late.
ââŠYou liked toast,â Mingyu said after a while, his voice quieter now.
You looked at him. A small smile appeared. âI think I still do.â
When it was time to leave, you stood first. You always did. You looked at him one last time. Not holding on. Not letting go. Just⊠looking.
âGoodbye, Mingyu.â
He watched you walk away. And this time, he knew. He hadnât lost you because you didnât love him. He lost you because you were already disappearing, and he never saw it.
However, you wanted him to know, you always wanted him to know. You just couldn't. You couldn't. And you didn't remember since how long. . .
Mingyu doesn't want to pay you any mind. To him, you're just another girl that'll get her heart broken by his dumb best friend.
Why would he care, right? He shouldn't care about the crying sounds he hears from his bedroom when his friend stands you up for the girl he's actually in love with. And he shouldn't be getting close to you. He shouldn't dread the day his friend decides to end things with you and bring someone else home. He shouldn't be wishing to have met you first.
pairing: mingyu x f!reader (with a side of bad bf!jungkook)
word count: 30,2k (lmaooo)
genre: bf's best friend mingyu, (awkward) acquaintances to lovers, the other side of the f2l trope, angst, smut, you could say there's a drizzle of fluff
content warnings: emotional cheating, tsundere mingyu at first, too much crying, self-manipulating, moral dilemmas, jealousy, possessiveness, alcohol consumption, denial (tons), one minor injury, mention of blood, a love triangle?, sexual tension, inappropriate things happen between mc and mingyu, petnames: babe, baby, princess (hers) | explicit smut, teasing, body worship, praise, marking, protected penetration, it's love making guys
đ§: mine â ive, breathing â nct dream, knew you â kailee morgue, begin again (taylor's version) â taylor swift, i wanna tell u â lexie liu
a big thank you to tiya @gyubakeries and ro @shinysobi for reading this over and telling me it doesn't suck ⥠and rae @nerdycheol for supporting my simp and pathetic men agenda âĄ
THIS FIC IS FOR +18 READERS ONLY! I can't control what people read, but I can control who interacts with my blog. MINORS CAUGHT INTERACTING WILL BE BLOCKED.
disclaimer: i didn't want to make any svt member the asshole so i made him jungkook, but i love jungkook he's literally my bias in bts and my forever ult so please just remember that this is a work of fiction and it doesn't represent how he is in real life nor how i view him (it pained me writing him this way you have no idea kdjfgnrjeskgf). i also didn't proofread the last two scenes iÂżm sawrry
last note: there are several pov switches throughout the whole fic, because it just went where it wanted, I had no control over it, it was the fic i swear.
check out my main masterlist ⥠dividers used: heartbeat, paper texture (banner)
i hope you enjoy! i'd love to read your thoughts :)
âAre you sure I wonât bother him?"Â
Youâve blocked Jungkookâs hand from opening the door to his shared apartment, forcing him to look at your pleading eyes.Â
âBabe, itâs not the first time youâve come to watch a movie, he doesnât mind, stop worrying.âÂ
âItâs just... he always locks himself up in his room when I come over. Maybe he doesnât want to get to know me.â You whisper, in fear the door doesnât muffle the sounds from outside and heâs standing just by the entrance.Â
The few times youâve crossed paths with your boyfriendâs roommate, he barely said hi before sprinting out of whatever room you were in. Sure, your relationship with Jungkook is fairly new, and you donât expect to become friendly with his circle of friends so quickly. But if his closest friend wonât pay you any mind then how are you supposed to get along?Â
âHe does that to give us privacy, I promise it has nothing to do with you.â Jungkook doesnât notice the coldness you're sure his friend exhibits towards you, as he has been that way every time he brought a new girl to their home. Jungkook attributes it to his friend simply giving him some space, to not make everything awkward by being the third wheel. âHe wanted to watch a movie, and he said it was cool when I told him you were coming over.âÂ
A deep breath leaves your lungs at his confirmation, even if itâs already the tenth time youâve asked the same question and got the same answer.
Inside the apartment, Mingyu sits manspreading on the couch, phone in his hand and headphones at the maximum not-deafening volume. Jungkookâs still in his fairytale phase, that time at the beginning of a relationship when he still tries to introduce his new partner to aspects of his life, in which Mingyu is included. Thatâs the only reason he accepted his friendâs insistent plea to hang out with you both tonight. And when a hand shakes his shoulder lightly, he knows itâs his Jungkook with his new catch of the semester.Â
You sit on the other end of the couch, as far as possible from Mingyuâs motionless body, still unsure on where you stand with him. Neither of you make the effort to talk to the other while Jungkook goes to his bedroom to change. You donât want to bother him and make him have a reason to dislike you, and Mingyu notices your nervousness, but prefers not to do anything about it.Â
Mingyu has learned to not try hard to get to know Jungkookâs fleeting girlfriends, because no matter how nice or how pretty you are, in a matter of weeks, he knows his friend will find something to complain about and eventually use as an excuse to break things off. Itâs a never-ending cycle, and he learned he canât do anything to stop it.Â
âWhat are we watching?âÂ
Jungkookâs loud voice breaks the ice beginning to build up in the living room, and quickly sits down between Mingyu and you, wrapping his arm around your shoulders. He doesnât seem to notice the ignoring contest going on, chatting with Mingyu like the other man wasnât just dead silent.Â
After discovering youâve never seen Rocky, a few gasps from Jungkook and a lot of convincing later, the movie starts playing on the screen in front of you. You didnât actually care what they chose, just happy to spend some time with your boyfriend, even if youâre not alone.Â
Mingyu knows the movie from beginning to end and backwards, could even recite the dialogues if asked, not because he particularly likes it, but because Jungkook somehow always convinces the girls he brings to their home to endure it.Â
He used to argue with him about the reputation he built of being a heartbreaker, but Jungkook doesnât see it that way. To him, heâs just trying to find the one in an endless quest that never fulfills him the way he thinks a relationship should. But Mingyu knows Jungkook well, and the real reason why he canât last in a relationship for longer than a few months is clear as day, but Jungkookâs blind to it.Â
You pretend to focus on the storyline, Rockyâs growth journey that Jungkook was so excited about, while he comments on his favorite parts. Itâs not a movie youâd pick if you were alone or with your friends, too manly for your taste, and the romance aspect is too shallow, but Jungkookâs perspective and insightful comments are making you appreciate it more.Â
Tears begin forming on the corners of your eyes as the final fight progresses, your throat closing up in warning as the rounds pass and Rocky gets beaten up by his opponent. No matter the genre, movies always make you cry during the final act as the protagonist reaches the goal after struggling so much.
After the referee separates both opponents, tying at the 14th round, the public demands a rematch, but Rockyâs more preoccupied to look for the woman he loves. You try to sniffle quietly, no longer being able to put a stop to your weeping, and snuggle against Jungkookâs chest, just as his phone rings, receiving a call from Cathlyn.Â
From the corner of his eye, Mingyu notices the whole interaction, and he almost gets shocked by Jungkook blankly rejecting the call in an instant and putting his attention back on the screen. How didnât Jungkook notice youâve been loudly sobbing for the past fifteen minutes is beyond him. But the shock lasts less than two seconds, as Jungkook's phone rings again and he gets up from the couch, heading to the kitchen with his phone in his hand and his thumb already opening Cathlynâs text conversation.
You know Cathlyn has been your boyfriendâs best friend since high-school, and became inseparable since then. You even came to meet her a few times. Sheâs funny, nice and outgoing, effortlessly being the center of attention.
The living room gets cold again after Jungkook goes to the other room, and itâs too obvious that Mingyu just doesnât have any interest in engaging in small talk with you. Your last sniffles echo against the walls, and the sigh Mingyu lets out almost sounds louder in the sea of dense silence.Â
Another sniffle from you and a tired sigh from him, Mingyu gets up to go after his friend who doesnât seem to be coming back to the couch soon enough. He leaves a pack of tissues in front of you without sparing you a glance, and just walks past the couch.Â
"Dude, donât just leave me alone with her.â You donât mean to eavesdrop on their conversation. You really donât. But the sound carries. And it just proves that Mingyu clearly doesnât like you. âSheâs your date, not mine.âÂ
âSorry bro, Cathy was calling me nonstop. I thought something had happened.â Not necessarily true, as she called only once and Mingyu's aware of it. âShe wants to go out tonight, clear her head a bit.âÂ
âI donât care what Cathlyn wants. Your girlfriend was crying and you just left her there.â Itâs almost like he was defending you, but something in his tone suggests that it isnât about you specifically. You blow your nose one more time, and the sound echoes into the kitchen. âListen, sheâs still crying like a baby, go with her bro.âÂ
Last words you hear before heavy steps begin and get closer and closer to the living room couch until the man sits by your side.Â
âSorry babe, I know movies always get you emotional.â Jungkook apologizes sweetly, even if thereâs something else in his mind.Â
âItâs okay.â The sun setting behind the windows draws your attention away from your boyfriend. âI should get going. Itâs getting late and I promised my roommate weâd go out for dinner.âÂ
Lame excuse, but youâre aware youâre not wanted at the apartment anymore by half the people living under that roof, and it really is too late.Â
Jungkook nods, unbeknownst to the uncomfortable situation he's a part of, and grabs your coat as you get up from the couch. You turn back, smiling to Mingyu coming out of the kitchen as a form of goodbye, but he just nods and sits back down.Â
âWe're going out later, and Cathyâs paying, you wanna come? Itâs a bar close to here.â Jungkook naively asks as he walks you to the door. He might be genuine with his invitation, but youâre not sure.Â
âI told you I have an important meeting for the congress tomorrow morning, I can't go out."Â
Jungkook hasnât proven himself as someone with the best memory out there. Youâve had to remind him of important stuff a few times already. The key is to just take a deep breath and not let it stir up any anger within you, because thatâs just how he is.Â
âOh, I thought it was on Sunday.â Jungkook asks just as Mingyu walks past the end of the hallway into his bedroom and shuts the door.Â
Even he knows about your meeting, because you told Jungkook last time you were there, and even if he locks himself up in his room, the walls might as well be made of paper the way he can always hear your conversations.Â
âTomorrow is Sunday.â You note as you chuckle lightly.Â
âOh, shit. Then I guess Iâll see you when you're done.â He gives you a sweet kiss for the first time in the day, light and fleeting like a feather, and closes the door after you take a few steps towards the elevator.Â
Nayeon closes her macbook suddenly, done with all the work you have been doing since the early morning, ready to take a deserved break. âSo? How was the hot date last night?â She rests her chin on the palm of her hand, ready for whatever gossip youâre willing to share.
âIt wasn't hot.â Your eyes donât leave your notebook, in an intent to work on ideas to make the presentation more interesting.Â
âYouâre so secretive! Câmon, tell your best friends forever and ever what you did!â She insists, making you chuckle as you see your other friend mirroring her from the corner of your eye.
Your pen drops from your hand onto the table as you finally look at them. âIt was just a movie night with his asshole roommate.â
âThe hot one?â Jennie intercepts, now more interested than before.
âI don't know Jen, his only roommate.â You try to go back to your notes but your friendsâ unrelenting stares make it impossible to concentrate. âAnd how do you even know him? Iâd never seen him before meeting Jungkook.â
âItâs âcause youâre too cool for campus gossip,â Jennie takes the chance to poke fun at your lack of knowledge of basically anyone, âbut everyone knows Jungkook and Mingyu.â They both giggle at their mention.
âBe serious, we're not in high school.â You deadpan, but deep down you know nothing really changes from high-school to college. The drama remains the same, just with a few years added to the people involved. âThereâs no such thing as the popular guys.â
When you were younger, the different cliques that formed were crucial to what the experience was going to be for the years to come. And you used to live for the gossip. You always knew the latest fight or the newest couple before anyone else. It felt important at that time and it kept you entertained. But as you grew older, got into college and met new people, meaningless gossip lost its interest, your focus now on passing your classes, meeting new friends, and having the best contacts to move forward with your career.
Sure, you knew of a Jungkook, as your best friends are up to date with the gossip and like it or not, you end up hearing everything even if you donât know the people theyâre talking about. But before he approached you at a party, you had no real idea who he was. Itâs true that when you first saw your boyfriend at that party, he caught your attention immediately, and itâs undeniable that if you had seen him before, you wouldâve been caught in his spell like every other girl on campus.
âWhat I mean is that people take notice when two hot guys hang out everyday.â Nayeon points it out like itâs the most common thing in the world. And maybe it is. âTheyâre like candy to the eye, too sweet, unapproachable, but nice to see nevertheless.â
You donât forget to roll your eyes before replying. âMingyuâs still an asshole. He never talks to me! Iâm sure he curses at me in his head every time I show up at their apartment.â
âHe seems so serious all the time.â Nayeon adds, having your back. âHeâs probably a stem major or something like that.â
âHeâs always hunched over his computer, so he probably is.â You note, eyes returning to your notebook so you can keep working on the presentation and be done with the topic.
âI once tried talking to him at a party, but he just looked me dead in the eye and said he wasnât interested.â Jennieâs stare gets lost to the view out the window as she remembers. âI barely told him my name.â
Nayeon and you exchange looks before erupting into laughter.
âYou guys are so mean!â Jennie complains, but joins to laugh with you two.
âHey, at least he had the decency to tell you that and not lead you on.â Jennie shrugs, not really hurt as she has already forgotten that cursed interaction. âHe barely says hi to me before sprinting out of my sight.â
âHe doesnât really talk to many people except that group of friends they have. Itâs not personal, he's just a little anti-social.â Nayeon puts her two cents in. âJust let him be an asshole if he wants to be one!â
âI shouldnât let him occupy that much space in my mind.â You nod at them and they both nod back in agreement. âIâm dating his best friend, heâs going to have to accept it.â
Nayeon and Jennie exchange looks, raising their eyebrows at your words before going back to you.
You have a vague idea what they meant by that, but you still ask, incredulously. âWhat?â
âNothing!â They say in unison.
They tried several times to enlighten you about Jungkookâs âreputationâ, as they called it, but you prefer to get to know him on your own and not have your judgement clouded beforehand. Rumors are just that, rumors.
âLook,â with your hands slapped on the table, you order their attention, âI know you guys donât really like that Iâm dating him,â you observe, âbut I promise, Itâs fine! Heâs really nice and I think he really likes me.â
âItâs not that.â Jennie says at the same time as Nayeon exclaims, âIâm sure he does!â
âWe already told you, he usually dates for a few months before breaking up all of the sudden.â Jennie continues, paraphrasing every warning they already gave you. âWeâll have your back with whatever you want to do, just be careful.â
âI wonât let a tattooed man who I've only been dating for a couple of weeks break my heart.â At least you think you're stronger than that.
âAm I an asshole if I tell you to just not get your hopes up?â Nayeon asks, and if it was any other person, you'd get mad, but only because it's her and she just lacks tact sometimes, you let it slide.
âYes! You are!â You chuckle, knowing sheâs just looking out for you. âThank you guys for worrying about me. Now, I think we should shorten the introduction a little bit. Everyone there already knows who Durkheim is, we don't need to explain his whole biography.â
The notes you've been taking all day stare back at you, now more of a bunch of senseless scribbles than useful annotations.
âUgh! Back to work already?â Jennieâs body falls limp on her chair, not ready for more hours of brainstorming and not reaching any goals.
âThe professor wants to hear the whole thing tomorrow, we can't show up with anything less than a perfect speech.â You insist, opening Nayeon's macbook again against her will.
âDo you promise to tell us any good gossip about those friends of his, in aboutâŠâ she looks at her empty wrist, pretending there's a watch there, âtwo hours? We'll work diligently until then.â
A deep sigh leaves you with a barely there smile you try to hide. âFine. Two hours, and then we can take a real break.â
The waitress carries two pieces of cake and the biggest strawberry smoothie youâve ever seen in your life, heading to your table. The size of the cup brings out chuckles from both Jungkook and you, but as soon as it gets placed between you on the table, the two straws draw your attention, and Jungkook asks the waitress for another smaller chocolate smoothie.Â
âYou can have that all for yourself babe, I know how much you love strawberries.âÂ
You donât admit that you were excited for the corny romantic moment of sharing a smoothie with two straws, appreciating that he at least remembered your love for berries.Â
Jungkookâs phone keeps vibrating with notifications, which he reads but doesnât respond to, trying his best to focus on whatever youâre telling him. His mind is anywhere but the diner where you decided to have an afternoon snack, battling between answering Cathlynâs worrying texts and listening to the ideas you gave for the presentation youâre doing with your friends in front of various colleges soon.Â
In the middle of your story is when you realize Jungkook hasnât said a word, his eyes lost to the much more interesting brown swirls on the wooden table.Â
âIs everything okay?â Heâs been noticeably distracted lately, getting lost in thought more often, taking longer to reply to your texts. You attribute it to the time of the year, as heâs busier at work and with his studies, and so are you. But even if he says heâs fine, youâre beginning to worry.Â
âYeah babe, sorry, just a little tired.â His lips line up in a tight smile in an attempt to reassure you. âDo you mind hanging out at my apartment after weâre done eating?âÂ
Scraping your plans to catch an afternoon movie, you hum and nod before returning to eating your piece of cake, seemingly disguising your disappointment since he doesnât ask any more questions.Â
Jungkook leaves his plate exactly the way the server left it for him, the piece of chocolate cake with not even a particle less, his fork unused and clean on the side. He gulps down his new personal smoothie in a second, and as soon as the last piece of your cake is entering your mouth, heâs asking the waitress for the bill. He knows youâre still talking to him, he can see your lips moving, but your words enter one ear and leave through the other, having no meaning in his mind.Â
Jungkook pays without asking for your share, which you werenât even going to argue with him about. Youâre usually a heavy supporter of each person paying for what they ordered, but as the minutes pass by, itâs becoming harder and harder to not get mad at him, so youâre going to spend his money without feeling bad about it. You know you should ask him about it, but shouldnât he tell you if something was wrong? Especially after youâve already asked him? Between being a pushover and pretending nothingâs happening, you end up choosing to just spend the rest of the afternoon with him and hope heâll just tell you the truth.Â
The walk to his apartment is less than 10 minutes long, but every dreaded step drags heavily, making everything move slower, with the both of you in silence, and the incessant notifications blowing up his phone acting as a remainder of his true priority.Â
Jungkookâs trying to ignore the constant ping coming out of the pocket of his jeans, pretending he isnât dying to just answer who keeps trying to contact him.Â
And you have a vague idea of who it could possibly be.Â
The cold apartment doesnât feel welcoming as you enter through the door, lights off and deadly silent. Excusing yourself to the bathroom, you tiptoe around as if in fear. Your reflection in the mirror looks unmistakably disappointed and sad, and you wonder if Jungkook really didnât notice or just didnât care.Â
He can be charming and gentle when he wants to, always so polite and respectful, but the ability to be aware of your feelings may be something he could work on. Or at least understand that the things he does ultimately affect you too.Â
In the kitchen, heâs already forgotten his one rule for the date, and is carefully answering every message he got, the glasses of water he was filling for the both of you forgotten on the counter.Â
When he hears you come out to the living room, Jungkook rushes to sit with you, with a plan already in mind.Â
âBabe, will you get mad if I go for a bit?â His fingers trace lines on your forearm, and you begin to lean into him before your brain registers his words.Â
âWhat? Why?â You ask as your eyes search for any type of clue on his face.
âCathy called me,â he takes a second to think about the best words to use, âshe had a fight with her boyfriend, and I have to be there for her.âÂ
Jungkook never liked Cathlyn's boyfriends. Something about them always feels off about them, as if none of them are ever right for his best friend. In his eyes, he just wants the best for her, someone who'll really be able to care for Cathlyn in the way he thinks she deserves.Â
âOh, I hope sheâs okay.â Deep down, you wonder if it really is so serious that Jungkook feels obligated to stand you up. But itâs fair, she needs her best friend when sheâs having a bad time. The fact that her best friend is your boyfriend is a coincidence you canât be mad about.Â
âIâll be back before dinner and Iâll make it up to you, okay?â Heâs already standing up, his arms on both of your sides as he crouches to give you a quick peck goodbye.Â
The door closes shut before you can even utter a reply, and his steps echo on the hallway, getting further away every second, until youâre left in complete silence.Â
In the quietness of the apartment, you instantly feel out of place, unwelcomed by the inanimate objects surrounding you. Seconds turn into minutes, the ticking of the clock being the only sense of time you have left. You donât want to grab your phone, avoiding the inevitable feeling of disappointment thatâll take over you if there are no texts from Jungkook waiting in your notifications.
How stupid is what youâre doing? How desperate? Waiting for your boyfriend to come back from the home of the woman that seems to be his priority? You know you shouldnât be feeling this way, especially since he's already told you that sheâs just his best friend. But itâs still hard.Â
The back of your eyes burn as tears threaten to come out, blurring your vision just as you hear a key turn, heavy steps entering the home youâre not supposed to be in.Â
 â  â  â â â  â â â  â
Mingyu knew he'd find you at his apartment. Â
Jungkook texted him that he had an emergency and had to leave in a rush. And Mingyu knows what âemergencyâ really means in that context. It means Jungkook rushed over to Cathlyn's at the first sign that she was feeling off, and he wanted to hide it from him so he wouldnât have to hear the same reprimand again.Â
What Mingyu didnât expect was to find you on the verge of crying on his couch, scattering to find any form of tissue paper somewhere inside your bag.Â
You both freeze, looking at each other for about half a second before rushing to greet. You pretend you werenât crying, and he acts as if he didnât notice. Mingyu utters a quiet hello as you mumble some kind of apology for being there, and then he locks up in his bedroom as usual.Â
His friend put him in an awkward situation once again. Mingyu doesnât want to get to know you more than he already does. He knows you're on a different major and thatâs enough, because one day, in the near future, itâs going to be another girl walking through the door instead of you, and heâll never see you again.
He tried a few times to stay friendly, but no one really wants to stay in contact with someone so close to the man that broke their heart. And he gets it. That's why he stopped trying all together.Â
Mingyu would usually come home from work, put on his headphones, and spend a few hours on his computer until his stomach urges him to eat something. But for this particular afternoon heâs been put in, he skips the headphones in case you need something, or at least until Jungkook comes back, which he isnât even sure is going to happen.Â
A project for work distracts him for a good while, organizing different stats and numbers on the excel sheet his boss sent him earlier in the day. He almost forgets youâre on the other side of the wall. Almost.Â
If he loses his focus on his computer screen, he can hear when you move around on the couch. What can you possibly be doing? Is what he asks himself at any noise that reaches his ears, but thereâs never an answer. Until something alerts him that youâre not doing well. The same sniffle he heard days ago as you were watching a movie with Jungkook echoes against the walls of his bedroom.
Youâve been trying hard not to make any sounds that may disturb Mingyu, as you assumed he was busy by the way you could hear the non-stop clicking of his keyboard from where you were sitting. But your mind seemed to have other plans, so much so that you lost control of the cascade of tears brimming from your eyes.Â
In between everything, you miss the sound of a door opening and steps getting closer to you. Mingyu comes into view as youâre wiping away tears with the back of your hand, and you canât pretend he didnât see you this time.Â
He sits by your side in silence, mainly because he doesnât know what to say, but also because he canât just leave you alone in this state. He feels responsible in a way.
âIs he withâŠâ Are the first words that come out of his mouth after seconds of dead silence.Â
âHe didnât tell you?â You look up at him to find him staring into the wall. He shakes his head, glancing at your slightly blotchy face before looking down.Â
âHe just told me you'd be here, but I figured.â Your body relaxes the tiniest bit. Good, at least youâre not an unannounced guest.Â
âShe had a fight with her boyfriend.â You explain, more frustrated than understanding.Â
âRight.â He simply replies.Â
Both of you sit there, fixed on your spots, too aware of the other. Mingyu realizes youâve stopped crying, maybe because you donât want to cry in front of him, but at least your breaths became less deep than before.Â
A growl from your stomach reverberates through the room, and you flush in embarrassment.Â
âYou canââ he coughs before continuing, âyouâre here often, you can help yourself if youâre hungry, itâs no big deal.âÂ
âOh, thank you,â you chuckle, trying to conceal the humiliation, âbut he said he didnât have anything. Thatâs why we went out. And I canât really cook, so.âÂ
Never in the past weeks would you have thought youâd be sharing embarrassing details about you with your boyfriendâs cold roommate, but life has a funny way of turning things around.Â
âIâm sure thatâs not true. Thereâs no way you canât do the basics.â His body turns, now facing you as he takes an interest in your not so fun fact.Â
âIâm not lying! I canât even make scrambled eggs.â You hide your face behind your hands, and you immediately hear Mingyu laughing as the dent beside you on the couch disappears.Â
âCâmon, Iâll teach you. I happen to be a great cook.â Your stomach growls again, and Mingyu looks back at you as he walks towards his kitchen, leaving you no choice but to follow him.Â
Mingyuâs not thinking about this exchange with you too much.
Yes, heâs doing exactly what he promised himself he wouldnât, as this will inevitably make you both closer and he will not be able to turn back to his cold self again. But he couldnât just go on with his day knowing you were having a bad one, and even worse, knowing you were crying because of his friend.
He had to do something, and if that something is becoming your friend for the afternoon, then so be it.
âGrab the egg carton with his name on it.â You chuckle as you follow his instructions, âand his milk too, why not.â If he left you stranded, the least you can do to get back at him is use his stuff and not Mingyuâs.Â
Between laughs and Mingyu indicating instructions like he was teaching a 5-year-old to cook, time passes, you forget why you were at the apartment in the first place, and you end up with a fine plate of scrambled eggs that doesn't taste bad at all.Â
âI told you it wasnât that hard.â Mingyu sits in front of you on the rounded table as you share the food.Â
âWell, Iâll let you know if your teaching lasts until I have to cook alone.â You chuckle and avoid his stare, realizing your words sounded much friendlier than you intended.Â
Back in the living room, Mingyuâs ringtone disrupts your conversation, and his sigh alerts you that he might already know whoâs calling. He gets up with another sigh, throwing you a knowing look before going to answer Jungkookâs call.Â
You appreciate his effort to make you feel better, and when he doesnât ask Jungkook any questions over the phone, only replying with yeahs and okays to whatever heâs telling him, you understand that Jungkookâs not coming back, and whatever heâs telling Mingyu will just make you feel worse.Â
Before Mingyu comes back, you do the dishes that you used and get your stuff together. The decision to leave has already been made.Â
âLeaving already?â He appears at the entrance to the kitchen, leaning on the edge of the door like a statue.Â
âI know heâs not coming back. Iâm sorry, I shouldâve left earlier, I didnât mean to be a bother.â Itâs the first time youâve addressed that feeling you have that you constantly bother him, and itâs kind of freeing.Â
âYouâre not a bother.â A man of few words, Mingyu feels like he meant a lot more with that simple statement than just dismissing your apology.Â
His blank reply doesnât feel forced, not like he only said what you wanted to hear. No. He said it automatically, not thinking much about it, and it took a heavy load off your shoulders.Â
âStill, I shouldââ Youâre now standing right in front of him, looking up at his face as he doesnât realize heâs in your way.Â
âRight, sorry.â Mingyu rushes to get out of your way, stumbling against his own feet as he walks backwards to go get his keys. âDo you need a ride? I couldââÂ
âOh, thank you, but itâs okay. Iâm meeting a friend at a restaurant close by.â A warmness spreads on your cheeks at his offer. âDo you happen to know which way to go? Itâs supposed to be a few blocks from here.âÂ
To redirect his attention away from you, you show him the address of the restaurant on your phone screen. You frequent the neighborhood on a weekly basis, but the blocks tend to mix up, as the buildings look too similar to each other. Mingyu scratches the back of his neck, trying to remember the names of the streets around his place.Â
âI think itâs three blocks to the right, and then two to the left.â He doesnât sound very convinced, but you trust youâd be able to tell if heâs sending you the wrong way, so you take his word.Â
Even after denying him, Mingyu still accompanies you downstairs, and you politely say goodbye to each other at the entrance before separating.Â
The sun sets on the horizon, the golden hue painting the streets beautifully as you walk. âThird block to the right, then turn left,â you mentally repeat, trying to concentrate on the directions as well as you try to find a street sign that'll tell you if youâre going the right way.Â
As you reach the second block to the left, where Mingyu implied the restaurant should be at, your phone vibrates inside your purse. The unknown caller doesnât give up while you contemplate whether to pick up or let it go to voice-mail, but something in the back of your mind urges you to answer. So you do.Â
âWho is this?â In case that another telemarketer got a hold of your phone number, you try to sound annoyed.Â
âItâs Mingyu, sorry,â his deep voice sounds the tiniest bit robotic due to the poor service, âI realized I sent you the wrong way. You have to turn right instead of left.âÂ
âOh,â you chuckle as your eyes read the street number youâre at, âthank you.â You donât tell him you couldâve figured it out on your own, a tiny smile appearing on your face at his gesture.Â
âI shouldâve warned you that Iâm terrible with directions.â His breathy chuckle reaches your ear at the same time as a metal ruffling sound. Was he heading out to find you in case you didnât pick up?Â
âNo worries.â Your mind is blank, as the two things youâre most awkward at doing are getting combined in one: phone calls and talking to Mingyu. âHow did you get my number?âÂ
âI asked Jungkook for it just now.â That feels weird for some reason, but you toss that feeling away, trying not to overthink about it. âYou okay?âÂ
âYep! Heading that way now! Thank you! Bye.â You abruptly hang up on him, the only way you thought to end the awkward conversation.Â
Your heart rate escalates, pumping hard like itâs about to beat out of your chest as you go the correct way now. Whatever you do, your mind still manages to replay what just happened over and over again, until youâre standing in front of the restaurant hostess.
Walking towards the table you see Nayeon sitting at, the idea of Mingyu having your number saved makes the back of your neck tingle with nervousness, and you can't shake the feeling even as you greet your friend and she starts telling you about her day.
Maybe youâre giving it way too much thought. Itâs just the excitement of finally feeling like youâre growing closer to your boyfriendâs friends. Nothing more.
There's been a noticeable shift in the awkwardness of your âfriendship" with Mingyu. You didnât become best friends overnight, but at least he stopped fleeting away from you anytime you'd be over at their apartment, and wouldnât deliberately choose the spot furthest from you at any group gathering.Â
As you and Jungkook step out of his car and walk over to the front door for the costume party a classmate of his was throwing, you can only take a deep breath and hope your extroverted self appears after a few drinks, and that Mingyu doesnât decide he hates you again, because heâll be the only other person you know at the party.Â
Not much of a partier yourself, youâre just trying, for him. Trying to join your boyfriend in what he likes, especially after he showed interest in you being there with him by inviting you.Â
The loud music can be heard even with the door closed, and Jungkook texts his friend to come pick them up, because ringing the bell clearly wonât do anything.Â
âHi man! Sorry for making you both wait.â A tall blonde man who youâre sure is named Jackson welcomes you in, giving Jungkook a man hug before looking you up and down and asking. âWhat did you guys come as?âÂ
âIâm a firefighter dude! And sheâs...â Jungkook looks at you waiting for your answer, not even trying to remember the name of the character youâre dressed up as.
âMavis, from Hotel Transylvania!â You smile as Jackson finally lets you in, and you can see in his expression that he has no idea who youâre talking about when you walk past him.Â
As soon as you cross the door, it is a relief to find Jungkookâs whole friend group there, sitting occupying the entire couch for themselves, only one big body missing from the ensemble.Â
Jungkook only takes his hand off you to greet his friends one by one, and makes them promise to save you seats while you go to the kitchen to find something to drink.
It hasnât been long since the party started, but the crowded house is already filled with that dense air mixed with the smell of sweat, and the sticky bodies make it harder for you two to advance into the kitchen.
Part of you is relieved that Mingyuâs nowhere to be seen, if heâs even at the party. Sure, youâre getting along now, but being around him is still stiff and awkward. Maybe you can use this opportunity to try and get close to Jungkookâs other friends.Â
Sitting between him and other two strangers that squeezed themselves on the far end of the couch, that plan is quickly scrapped. Itâs possible Jungkook doesnât realize youâre too far away to be included in any conversation, he wouldnât do it on purpose, but you have no will to tell him. Not when his body is fully turned away from you as he talks to Cathlyn and the guy she's dating, Yugyeom.
The music's too loud for their voices to travel backwards and let you hear, but judging by Jungkookâs menacing body next to yours, he doesn't seem to be liking the conversation. He didn't talk much about Yugyeom, that name being new to you as Jungkookâs hadn't even mentioned him before. And from what you know, he and Cathlyn have been having some problems for the past few weeks, so it's normal for her best friend to dislike him.
â  â  â â â  â â â  â
Mingyu thinks of himself as somewhat of a good friend. Sure, he may have some faults and he fucks up every now and then, as everyone does, but whenever his friends need him, heâs there. He covers for Jungkook at school, listens to his girl problems as any friend would do, hates whoever he hates, and heâd never break that friendship over any random girl. That said, heâs still a man, and he has eyes.Â
When he comes back from the patio after catching up with some old friends he bumped into, he first lays eyes on the striking yellow costume Jungkookâs wearing. But as he follows the bright color, he sees you sitting by his friend's side, his arm wrapped around you but giving you no attention as you drink from an almost empty cup.Â
It's no surprise to him that Jungkook's too enthusiastically talking with Cathlyn instead of any other friend, or instead of dancing and enjoying the party. What shocks Mingyu is how blatantly heâs ignoring you, sitting so pretty by his side.Â
Yeah, Mingyu can admit he finds you pretty. He might be a good friend, but heâs not blind, and denying it would just make him stupid. Any guy with a brain should be lining up for a chance to talk to you, getting lucky to be the ones you spare a glance to. Instead, youâre sitting with an arm around you and being ignored by its owner. It could be that heâs gulping down his fourth drink already, but he might even go as far as saying youâre his type. But thatâs about as far as it could possibly go. Youâre pretty, nice, and in love with his best friend. Well, maybe not in love yet, but you like him enough to put up with his shit. And Mingyuâs not interested. He canât be.
A smile forces itself on your face as your eyes catch his across the room. The most polite way to acknowledge his presence without trying to interact with him further.
Mingyu nods your way and drives his eyes elsewhere. Itâs not like he wanted you to do anything else, and even if he wanted to go up and chat with you, he couldnât have fit in between you and the people on your other side crushing your free arm.Â
So, he stays there, standing against a wall on the only free hallway âin which there arenât any people because Jackson threatened anyone who dared to step within a two feet radius of his bedroom, watching the scene progress before his eyes.
Where his friend has a reputation of being a heartthrob, a player, or a heartbreaker, Mingyuâs always thought of as Jungkookâs serious and mean friend. A bad school reputation is the least of his priorities, and he doesnât care to change how people he doesnât care about think of him. Itâs not like heâs not enjoying the party, he just prefers to stand alone and drink. If that paints him as a boring guy, so be it. He tries scanning the room to find a friend to catch up with, but it's pointless, only the bright yellow costume makes itself visible.Â
It's mostly a blur of bodies messily dancing to 2000âs pop songs inside that room, but Mingyu could recognize his best friend's silhouette if he was miles away and 90% blind. Your costume contrasts with Jungkook's in a way that even drunk Mingyu realizes itâs you who's being dragged onto the âdancefloor".Â
He sees you get loose as his friend's hands wrap around your waist and move your bodies in sync. It seems that every single light in the house is on despite it being a party, and youâre in the center of his line of sight, constantly and too easily catching his attention.Â
What he doesnât see, however, are your constant complaints about dancing, appearing as flirty whispers to anyone who wasn't listening. And after he takes his eyes off of you two to find a glass of cold water, youâre back again to your original place on the couch, this time with much more space around you.Â
âNot much of a dancer?â His feet directed Mingyu to where you sat almost instinctively. Thereâs finally room to sit down so heâs going to take the opportunity before somebody else does.Â
âOnly when Iâm in the mood.â Your stareâs lost somewhere in the room, paying attention to your drunk boyfriend dancing with his best friend.Â
âI see.â You both sit awkwardly, body facing front and eyes focused on the same view.Â
âCool costume, by the way. I love Hotel Transylvania.â Mingyu manages to fill in the gaps of the heavy silence.Â
âThank you! Youâre the only one that recognized me.â A small smile appears despite your bad mood.Â
âPeople here lack basic culture.â A simple joke followed by awkward laughs from the both of you, the atmosphere doesnât help to ease the tension of your interaction.Â
âI wanted Jungkook to dress up as Johnny.â You have to stretch your neck to Mingyuâs side so he can hear you above the loud music.Â
âThat wouldâve been cute.â Mingyu doesnât know what else to say. Itâs been a common occurrence for him to go blank when talking to you.Â
âI guess heâs not a fan of matching costumes.â You try your best to continue the conversation, not really caring whether heâs interested or not. The little alcohol in your system wonât let you fall on an awkward silence again.Â
âHe probably got tired of them after so many years.âÂ
You freeze.Â
âWhat do you mean?âÂ
Mingyu realizes he just fucked up. All those drinks he had before you came, and that one after, finally brought him to the stage where his mouth gets loose and he starts blurring out things he shouldnât.Â
âUhâ, I mean, Cathlyn used to force him to do it for halloween.â Force.Â
For the record, Mingyu's not a liar. He might be loyal to his friend, not wanting to put him in bad situations, but heâs not going to go above and beyond to protect an already weak relationship. So, he picks a word thatâs going to save Jungkookâs ass, but still saying part of the truth.Â
âRight.â If you caught on to his deliberate choice of words, you donât show it to him.Â
 â  â  â â â  â â â  â
Itâs pointless to get mad at your boyfriend for such a meaningless piece of information. Every relationship is different, and you shouldnât be comparing yours to a much older one. Their bondâs just different! It doesnât have anything to do with you if Jungkook didnât want to do stupid matching costumes.Â
Still, youâre glad Mingyu slipped and gave away the truth, and you appreciate his effort to make it sound less bad.Â
Jungkook gives you no time to ponder on what to do though, as he stumbles his way back to you, so drunk he canât regulate his strength and falls hard on the couch.Â
âMy heead hit the back of the c-couch with my head.â Jungkook pouts and slurs his words.Â
âOw, baby, youâre really drunk.â Mingyuâs eyes pierce through your back, and a wave of self-consciousness takes over you. âShould we go home?âÂ
Jungkookâs cheeks feel warm in your hands as you try to get him to look at you, but his drunk mind can only concentrate on one thing at a time, and for the time being, his eyes are focused on Yugyeomâs hands groping Cathlyn's ass shamelessly as they dance.Â
âI donât feel so good.â He only says, his drunk stare having a hard time straying away from that scene as he gets up and stumbles his way out the house.
Mingyu runs after Jungkook just behind you, and manages to catch him before he faceplants on the damp grass outside.Â
âWhere did we leave my car?â Jungkook asks no one in particular, disoriented from his almost-fall. âWait, youâre not my girlfriend!â His eyes go wide as he realizes who was helping him and tries to escape.Â
âIâm here, babe.â Before he manages to, you wrap your arm around his other shoulder, leaving him no choice but to be embraced by yours and Mingyuâs hold so he doesnât hurt himself again.Â
Now that youâre outside, with no music blasting at full volume, no people around pushing you constantly, and breathing fresh air, youâre too aware of your surroundings. Or more specifically, how Mingyuâs arm and yours touch behind Jungkookâs back.Â
It's a weird way to break the ice of skin to skin contact in a friendship, but maybe itâs what you need to end the lingering awkwardness that surrounds your interactions once and for all.Â
âI saw you drinking.â You scold Mingyu after you two lay Jungkook down on the back seat and he turns to find his way back to his car.Â
âIâm not drunk anymore.â He mutters just before he trips with his own foot. âOkay. Iâll crash on the back seat for a while and then Iâll go home.âÂ
âIâll drive you.â Mingyu's silence as he thinks of a polite way to turn your offer down only eggs you further. âIâm going there anyways.âÂ
âI-I wouldnât want to take advantage.â He fiddles with his keys, avoiding your eyes.Â
âOf what? Me? His car?â Mingyu hesitates, the gears in his brain visibly turning.
âI donât know.â Itâs quiet, his response, and no matter how cute and defenseless he looks when heâs drunk, you donât really have time to wait.Â
âIâm offering.â You deadpan, but try to flash a small smile so his drunk brain doesnât understand your hurriedness as anger. âYouâre clearly still drunk, câmon, donât make me have to drag you.â
Realizing thereâs no way out of this other than listening to you, Mingyu caves in and gets on the passenger seat of Jungkookâs car. âYou wouldnât be able to drag me anyways.âÂ
Of course, you can't push an over six-foot-tall gym bro even if you use all possible bodily strength you have. "Hell yeah I can!â Your teasing stare meets his, and you know he got what he wanted by pushing your buttons.Â
"Iâd love to see you try.âÂ
An indescribable feeling completely shuts down the workings of every organ inside you. It could be what he said, but itâs just a common phrase to tease a friend. It could be his eyes that refuse to leave yours. Or it could be the silver of a smirk that appears as you hold your breath. Whatever it is, you push it down, hide it on the very back of your mind and put up ten walls to disguise as a simple and normal response to teasing.
âWe should-âÂ
âI donât like him.â The drunken backseat passenger you had forgotten about interrupts you.Â
âWho?â The distraction allows you to break eye contact with Mingyu. A believable excuse to put a stop to whatever was happening.
âThat guy she was with.â Jungkook looks like heâs talking to himself, his eyes closed as if he wanted to fall asleep and unaware of who he's actually talking to.Â
âCathlyn? Her boyfriend?â Mingyu intercepts so you wouldnât have to ask the awkward questions, already knowing where this conversationâs going. âYugyeom?â
âUgh, don't say his name.â Mingyuâs instinct tells him to see your reaction, to check if you realize what Jungkook means by all of this, and especially if it hurts you. âHe has a douchebag face.â
You chuckle at his pouty statement, but deep down his words pierce a surface cut on your denying heart. Itâs gone as fast as it came, but it was there, and your hands automatically started the car, urging you to start driving like nothing happened.
Ever since the evening started, Mingyu knew Jungkook wasn't going to have a good time. Not since opening the door to the bar that revealed Yugyeom there with Cathlyn.
âWhy is he here?â Jungkook muttered under his breath, annoyed, on the verge of being angry.
âShe's allowed to invite her boyfriend. Just like you invited your girlfriend.â Is all Mingyu replied.
Jungkook has been in his life ever since he can remember. When their first tooth fell out, when they schemed behind their parents to figure out if Santa was real, when he got his first bicycle and Jungkook laughed in his face when he fell and scraped his knee, when they met Cathlyn in high school and Jungkookâs eyes shined brighter than ever, when they went to prom and lost their virginities on the same night, and when they got accepted to the same college and joined the same classes. Every memory Mingyu has, itâs always Jungkook by his side. He can't mess with that peace, no matter how violently he wants to tell his friend to stop playing with girlsâ hearts and realize heâll be much happier if he owned up to his true feelings.
So, he resorts to trying to make Jungkook connect the dots himself by telling him harsh enough truths. Itâs a work in progress.
In the few hours youâve all been at the barâs pool table, Mingyu hasnât said a word. He's been sitting alone at one table on the side, seeing his friends sucking at playing and actually having fun.
With the excuse of being tired and simply enjoying watching each round, he took the opportunity to be temporarily invisible. With all of them busy, he can look at you all he wants, smile to himself when you miss your shot, and pretend to be drinking from his half empty glass.
Thereâs not much more he can do. Whatever he thinks he feels, whatever he thinks of you, itâs wrong. Thatâs why, at that moment, he prefers the loneliness of his table. The crude reality punishing him in real time is enough.
Doesnât matter if youâre on the same team as Jungkook or not, your attention is always focused on him. You search for his touch, his eyes, crave his attention on you. But the more drunk his friend gets, the more competitive he gets, and the little patience he had with your lack of pool skills is quickly dissipating.
Another round finishes, with the both of you losing to Cathlyn and Yugyeom again, and itâs more than obvious that Jungkookâs annoyed. When your opponents excuse themselves to the bar to get more drinks, you try playing on your own and see an opportunity to try and get Jungkook in a good mood again.
âI swear I know where to hit it! My arms just wonât cooperate.â A chuckle escapes during your lighthearted shout.
Jungkook sighs at your missed shot, your pout having no effect as heâs trying to conceal his annoyance. âWhich one are you thinking?â He only asks.
âThe red one, close to the middle?â You point to it, waiting for any reaction, but he just waits for you to continue. âIf I hit it a little to the right, I think it can go inside the left corner hole.â Bodily coordination may not be your strong suit, but youâve played enough online pool that your brainâs trained to draw the imaginary angles.
The main idea was telling Jungkook your theory, him realizing you actually have an idea of how to play the game, and finally teaching you how to get a hold of the cue stick correctly.
âYou have to do it like this.â Jungkook takes the cue from your hands and takes your place, ushering you to the side to watch as he takes the shot. âYour index and middle fingers serve to place the tip of the stick where you want it.â
âBut I-â You were right, and the ball enters exactly where you said it would, but you canât chant victory. Not when his attention shifts to a heated argument just meters away from you.
In the second it takes you to focus on whatâs happening, your eyes land on Yugyeom stomping out of the bar, a crying Cathlyn left behind. You donât even have to check if Jungkookâs still by your side, as he soon enough appears with an arm around her shoulders in an intent to console her.
When he starts getting the pack of cigarettes out of his pocket, and heads to walk out the door, you realize the comforting session wonât be quick. But why would it be? His best friend just had a screaming fight with her boyfriend in public. It makes total sense that heâd want to take her out to have some fresh air and a little more privacy than inside the full bar.
âIf I knew the night would be like this, I wouldâve stayed home resting for next week.â Your body falls on the chair next to where Mingyuâs been sitting in silence. His flat expression rapidly makes you uncomfortable, like you just crossed a line. âShit, theyâre your friends, Iâm sorry, I shouldnât havââ
âNo, youâre right.â He interrupts you, with a tone that implies you must've taken the words right out of him. âI get having troubles, God knows I've seen them go through stuff, but we're allowed to be tired of it.â
Between his cold exterior and sometimes unfriendly choice of words, Mingyu's surprisingly capable of understanding other people's feelings.
âHas this been happening a lot recently?â You don't care to sound like a gossip. âHer fighting with her boyfriend, I mean.â
Mingyu sighs, eyes wandering to the door through which both of his friends just stepped out of. âLetâs just say, itâs been a regular occurrence.â
âWell, letâs not let other peopleâs problems ruin the fun.â You decide out loud. Youâve been having fun since you got here, regardless of your boyfriendâs bad mood, and youâre not going to let anything ruin your last night out before the busy week you have ahead. âDo you want another drink?â You down the last sip of what Jungkook was drinking.
âOh, actually, Iâm saving to pay for gas for the trip we have next week. I promised to drive, so.â Mingyu explains, too apologetic for simply refusing a drink. âYouâre coming right? Itâs a congress that our collegeâs doing.â
âOf course Iâm coming,â maybe you should be offended that he doesnât know, but itâs not his fault, âIâm the one giving the presentation.â
âWait, seriously?â Mingyuâs eyes go wide, in slight shock as well as in embarrassment. âI knew you had a big thing coming up, but I didnât think it was that! How did I not know?â
âMaybe Jungkook forgot to tell you. You know how he isâŠâ Mingyu nods at your statement, but the answer brewing in his mind gets cut short by the glass door opening once again.
As if he was summoned, Jungkook re enters the bar alone, quickly lets you know he'll wait outside for Cathlyn's uber with her, and leaves again without sparing you another glance.
Silence fills the void between Mingyu and you, only murmurs from the people around the bar manage to make it not unbearable. Awkward again, you never seem to have a normal conversation with Mingyu without feeling some type of way. Jungkook interrupting seemingly added a layer of tension very hard to dissipate.
âIâm gonna⊠practice playing.â You arenât the best at handling awkward silences, so you stand up with that excuse. âIâm so bad at it! I think the stick does the opposite of what I want on purpose.â
Mingyu chuckles behind you, following you to the pool table to watch up close. âYouâre not that bad.â You look at him dead in the eyes, head tilting to the side with scepticism. âIâve been watching you play! You just need to learn how to get into position correctly.â
Your arms cross in front of your chest, deciding if what Mingyuâs saying is in any way true, or if heâs just trying to make you feel better. He takes the cue laying on the table, accidentally knocking a few balls away from their places in the process.
âShow me how youâd do it.â As he hands the pool stick to you, warm smile and standing tall facing you, you feel secure he wonât tease you if youâre awful.
âOkay, but donât you dare mock me.â The lighthearted threat makes him chuckle again, and your fingers tremble grabbing the stick from his hand. âThis is my usual.â
You mentally cringe at yourself, but you push through it and lean your chest forward, hovering over the table, setting the tip of the stick between your fingers and analyzing which ball to hit.
âI see where things might go wrong.â His voice sounds closer with each word, but it's not enough to prepare you to feel his chest against your back, his arms embracing you to guide your hand where he wants to. âYour handâs too close to the end of the stick. Youâre not in full control of it.â
When he places his hand over yours, helping you slide it up the cue, youâre sure your whole bodyâs covered in goosebumps. Your heart accelerates to unimaginable speeds, about to jump out of your chest as Mingyuâs breath fans on the back of your neck.
âI think we can get the blue striped one,â your mouth blurts out faster than your brain can think, âIf I manage to hit the white a little to the left, I can go right and push it into the middle hole.â You try to play off the unprecedented effects Mingyu has over you, forcing yourself to get your mind back in game mode.
He doesnât let go of his hold on your hand, his arm grazing yours even more closely. âAre you sure? That one seems like a long shot.â You can hear his smirk through his teasing words.
âJust help me hit it there.â Your head turns just barely to the side, finding his face much closer than you imagined, and your eyes roll before going back to the table, trying to mask the blush you feel creeping on your cheeks. âI know Iâm right.â
âRelax a bit. Itâs close to the hole, so you don't need to hit it too hard.â Mingyu extends his other arm over the table, helping you position the tip to hit exactly where you told him to. You don't dare move, his cheek brushing against your temple freezing you in place momentarily.
When you feel his hands tighten over yours, taking control of the stick with your fingers tangling with his, your arms fall limp, letting him shoot the shot. With the tiniest push, the barest tense of his muscles all around you, both your arms move the cue forward and hit the white ball.
The both of you smile as the striped ball falls in the hole you said it would, relaxing against one another before realizing just how close you really are.
âI told you, I was right.â You chuckle away from him, using cue in your hands as a barrier.
âIâm sorry I ever doubted your skills.â Maybe itâs the drink he was stalling to finish until you approached him, but Mingyuâs more relaxed with you tonight, a little more prone to smiling than usual.
âBabe?â But Jungkookâs voice quickly wipes it off his face. âLetâs get going, wait for me outside.â
âWait!â You get off Jungkookâs hold, almost offended that he thinks he can drag you away at his will. âI was finally getting a hang of it. Mingyuâs a better teacher than you, you know.â You try to joke to ease the suddenly tense atmosphere, but it doesnât work.
âIâm really tired, babe. And I promised Iâd take you home, so, please?â Jungkook retorts, face turned your way, but his eyes are on his roommate.
The staring contest between the two men doesnât stop, an indecipherable friction you donât really want to find out the meaning behind.
âOâŠkay,â there isnât really an out where the three of you will be happy, so you just accept Jungkookâs petition to leave, âbye Mingyu.â
You walk away, your hand in the air wishing for Jungkook to take it and come after you.
Mingyu begins to grab his stuff, assuming the both of you will be quickly out the door by the time heâs done paying his tab, but it seems the night is not over for him yet.
Jungkook grabs him by the arm and turns him around so theyâre face to face. âWhat do you think youâre doing?â
âWhat the hell man?â Mingyu shoves the otherâs hand away, a hunch telling him his friendâs anger has something to do with you.
âI leave for a minute and youâre all flirty with my girl.â Jungkookâs always been a jealous man, but Mingyu canât help but sigh at the accusation.
Still, Mingyu canât lie and say he wasnât flirting. He canât say he didnât love the way you were blushing and squirming under him. And he canât say that it wasnât what he was looking for.
âI was entertaining her because you left.â He retaliates with a part of the truth. âItâs getting old man, you canât just leave her to go after Cathlyn all the time.â
âYouâre back with that again.â Jungkook throws his arms in the air, easily irritated by the topic. âYou know what? Iâm tired of this.â As the confrontation he was looking for didnât turn out the way he wanted to, Jungkook begins walking away, âIâm leaving, weâre leaving.â
âYou never want to talk about it, but you know itâs wrong.â Mingyu adds, a little louder this time. âYou gotta stop.â
âWhy are you so worried?â Getting more frustrated by the second, Jungkook barely turns, not fully facing Mingyu. âYou never cared about it before.â
âCâmon man, Iâve always noticed.â How awful of a person he is. Accomplice to his best friend breaking girl after girlâs hearts, itâs true that he never cared this strongly about Jungkookâs extracurricular activities. Even though he always tried to make Jungkook realize the truth by himself, for his own good, Mingyu can admit, to himself at least, that now he has an added, selfish reason to want his friendâs behavior to come to an end.
âItâs my life. When I need an opinion, Iâll ask for it.â With that, Jungkook finally leaves, getting out the door to where youâre waiting in the cold.
Mingyu wasnât done with the conversation. There was so much more he wanted to say. He wanted to say that itâs your life too. Jungkook's messed up feelings were affecting the people around him too, especially every girl he dates to forget. Especially you. But he just couldnât keep pushing it, not without the truth coming to the light.
Mingyuâs reputation of being too serious, or even heartless sometimes, wasn't born out of nothing. He's aware of his resting bitch face, of the way he bolts in and out of class and the way he's never the first choice for group projects in the classes none of his friends attend. If he cared what other people thought of him, maybe it'd hurt. But he has enough friends, friends who like him the way he is, and doesn't go to college to expand his contact list.
Going to university, to him, was exclusively a way for him to learn more about his likes and interests. He goes to his classes and focuses maybe a little too much, but itâs how he lives his days, how the hours pass until he has to go to work. That is, until you came into his life unprovoked, and disorganized his sharp and efficient lifestyle.
He never crossed paths with you on campus before, and if he were to run into you after the first time he met you, he would've probably ignored you and scurried to his building like a flash. But today, he unconsciously looked around, hoping to catch even a glimpse of your figure coming out of your majorâs building. He hoped youâd see him and smile at him as you walked his way to make useless small talk. But you didnât, of course you didn't, and as soon as he sat down on his usual seat in his favorite class, he realized. Heâs fucked.
For the first time in his life, the numbers on the chalkboard didn't make any sense, the words coming out of his favorite professor's mouth sounded like a mumble of pure nonsense. His mind couldn't focus, diving into the memory of your sweet smile next to his ear. Or the shivers your body graced him with as his hands purposely covered yours on the cue stick. His hand would grab his pen to try and write a single sentence, and the feeling of your fingers barely interlaced with his would overwhelm him.
Whatâs worse than pining after your best friendâs girl? As of the moment, Mingyu has no answer. Thereâs nothing he can really do either, besides accept youâre in a sort of happy relationship. He canât take you aside and say âhey, you know your boyfriend? My friend? Yeah, so I have a theory that he might be in love with his girl best friend, sorry!â Even thinking of doing so puts a bad taste in his mouth.
He's aware that, currently, he's at least top5 worst friends in the world. And he's not looking to end your relationship and get bumped up to the top1. It's decided. He'll just ignore whatever feelings are bubbling on the pit of his stomach until they disappear!
Easier said than done, because nothing he does seems to get you out of his mind. And the vivid reminder that heâs nothing more than someone you have to get along with is screaming at him everywhere around his home.
The four walls of his bedroom imprison him, suffocate him with the thought of you. He is a bad friend. He does want you. He does resent Jungkook for keeping you his. But if he broke up with you, would Mingyu ever see you again? Would he ever get the chance to see the heat visibly rushing to your cheeks as he walked closer to you?
Mingyu hates himself. He hates himself for getting turned on at the memory of your body heat against him, shivering at his closeness but not pulling away, letting him wrap himself around you, even if the both of you knew he shouldn't. He needs to drive his mind elsewhere.
Locking in to work in front of his computer, trying to scare away the sturdiness building up in his jeans, it might become the first time he wishes it was his day to go to the office. The front door of the apartment opens, rushed steps and messy, wet, breaths echoing against every thin wall that surrounds him. The reminder that what he deeply wants, it's not, and should never be his.
Working from home has never been so much of a curse.
â  â  â â â  â â â  â
Jungkook grips at your sides, his body flushing against you and pressing you further into the couch. The near desperate way his lips roam over yours has you gasping for air, but he doesnât relent, hands making a mess of your hair as he hopes you give him the satisfaction he craves for.
He grinds his hips against yours with determination, and you press against him trying to give him what heâs hopelessly looking for. But no matter what you do, he goes in for more, your bodies getting more and more out of sync.
You try to give him what he wants, emitting sounds of a satisfaction you're nowhere near feeling. His mouth moves to the side of your neck, leaving marks you're not sure you want.
The white door, now in your line of sight, calls for your attention. You shouldnât be thinking about other people while you have a man in between your legs doing everything to feel any type of pleasure. But if the yellow light sneaking below the closed door alerts you of something, is that the person at the back of your mind is probably right there, behind the dangerously thin cardboard the architects of the building call a wall.
âIsn't Mingyu gonna hear?â The choked up question comes out in a whisper, in fear, in panic. And the mention of his name speeds up your heart rate far more than your current activity.
Jungkook barely cares about your worry. âHe's gaming.â
You know gaming implies wearing noise canceling headphones and tuning out of the real world. But is he really?Â
âI don't know, babe, shouldn't we check?â It sounds stupid to even ask. Check? Knock on his door to very politely ask him if he can hear you having sex?
âHe's not gonna hear,â Jungkook sighs, finally looking you in the eyes to answer, âand I wouldn't care if he did. He has to know you're mine.â
There's a speck of disdain behind his words, behind the weirdly possessive statement he just made. It leaves you more breathless than ever.
âWhat are you talking about?â You don't know what kind of egotistical manly fight they have going on, men friendships are not exactly your expertise, but it can't be about something you're aware of.
âDon't tell me you don't see it.â Jungkook hasn't gotten up from on top of you, but his hands on the sides of your waist tighten a bit more after your question.
âI don't know what you mean.â You chuckle in an intent to ease up the newly tense atmosphere. You didnât mean to make it about him. âHe's your friend, you shouldn't be jealous.â
âAnd you shouldnât be talking about another man while you're under me.â Jungkook retorts, half angry, half still turned on. It's a weird mix. One that doesn't let you reply to correct yourself.
Jungkook lowers down to your mouth once again, kissing you fervently to make you forget about anyone else. And you decide to let go. Heâs here, your bodies tangled together and your loose clothing crumbled up your torsos to feel each otherâs skins. You shouldnât doubt that, in that moment, he wants you.
You drift away into the feeling of his lips against yours, both hands cupping his jaw to relax the hurried pace heâs setting. His hands under your t-shirt feel good, like he knows what heâs doing, like he knows how women like to be touched, and it helps. It helps free your mind of everything else.
Still, youâre careful of the sounds that leave your lips. You let Jungkookâs tongue slip inside and dance with yours, muffling any soft moans you donât get to restrain. He searches for something, his hips angling with yours to feel some kind of friction. If he keeps moving like that, youâll be in the mood in no time.
A ringtone coming from the back pocket of Jungkookâs jeans disrupts the quiet setting. You stiffen under him, but he doesn't let his mood come down. You're grateful when he grabs his phone to decline the call and puts it on the end table in a rush, finding your body with his hands once again.
It's like, for the first time, he's prioritizing the time he planned to spend with you. He searches for your touch like nothing happened and you're the only thing he's thinking about.
âJust let it go to voice-mail.â Your hoarse voice surprises you, echoing over a new call. Jungkook doesnât respond, not stopping the trail of kisses up your neck until your lips are against each other again.
But a call comes in again, and he groans against your mouth, trying to ignore it, letting the default ringtone soundtrack your activities until it stops on its own. Itâs awkward, but he doesnât stop kissing you and wraps your legs around him, trying to make you forget.
By the fourth call, you're both annoyed, and Jungkook reluctantly gets up from on top of you to check who's bothering him so much. The caller gives up just when he gets the phone in his hand, but from the corner of your eye, you catch a glimpse of him opening his texts. You donât mean to spy on him, not wanting to be a controlling girlfriend that needs to know everything her boyfriend's doing, but itâd be nice to simply⊠get told.
The clicking sounds of his fingers typing on the small screen of his phone are about to send you straight to a mental hospital. Why's he typing so fast? So insistent? Is he mad? He's not telling you anything, as if he forgot he was just kissing you out of breath.
âDid something happen?â You dare ask, even if deep down, you know the answer is clear as day. You know whoâs the only one capable of making him drop everything in a heartbeat. âIs Cathlyn okay?â
âShe needs me.â Is all he replies. Cold. Decided.
âWhat do you mean?â The question manages to mask the anger brewing inside you. For now. But you need an explanation. How many times can you put up with the same situation until you blow up? He canât expect you to be all right with being stood up constantly.
âYugyeom broke up with her.â He explains without looking at you, like thatâs enough of an excuse.
âShe always needs you when youâre with me.â Bitterness bleeds through your mumble. It doesnât feel good. You should understand that best friends need each other. But why are you never on the receiving end of his undivided attention?
âYou canât expect me not to care when sheâs going through something. Sheâs my best friend. She goes first. Always.â
His words are like a bucket of ice water in the middle of winter. The explicit revelation that his priorities are carved on stone. There's silence as he realizes what he said, and neither of you dare speak up.
Your lungs expand but no air gets inside, and your throat threatens to close as your body prepares to start shedding tears. âWhy make plans with me if you're just gonna sprint her way at any sign of trouble?â You canât stop them. âYouâre supposed to be with me.â
Tears cascade down your face, quiet sobs getting in the way of your pathetic pleads. Covering your face from the outside world, you shrink in place, giving in to the crying as Jungkook kneels in front of you.
âBaby, I'm sorry.â His now soft voice barely reaches you over your sobs. âI know I haven't been very present.â
âNo, you haven't.â His hands carefully withdraw yours from your probably blotched face.
âI promise you,â Jungkook makes the effort to look you in the eyes, âafter this, Iâll be better. I'll make it up to you.â
He tries. But you, convinced or not of his willingness to fulfill the promise, don't want him to leave. It's not about the fight, or the sex, or even him. If he leaves, it cements you as the second option. If it was about winners or losers, you'd lose.
âStay.â It comes out so quiet you're afraid he didn't hear you.
But he did.
âI can't.â
Silence again. Deafening silence as you look at each other with different thoughts racing through your brains. He decided. There's nothing to be done.
Jungkook takes your hand in his and squeezes it tight in an attempt to bring you comfort. He thinks he's doing the right thing. He thinks he'll be able to nurse his best friend's heart and then come running back to you after.
At your silence, he stands up, reaching for his coat hanging on the hallway before sparing you one last look and heading out.
The soft click of the door closing behind him breaks you a little more inside. The couch, no longer warm with the weight of two bodies, feels empty, too big for you to fill.
Bare, exposed, you let yourself be vulnerable only for him to cut you off and leave you there, with your feelings blurting out of you in the form of tears and sobs. The undecorated walls judge you as you cry your eyes out. Is there something you can do thatâll make him like you more? You already try so hard, youâre just not⊠her.
When the white door opens to reveal the other man of the house, you're not surprised. Of course he was there, and of course he heard everything. Your luck wouldn't let you escape this situation without throwing a more embarrassing one at your hands.
It took Mingyu all of two seconds to realize what was happening. His headphones in the grip of his hand are proof that he did not want to hear what you two were doing, he just didnât get to put them on. He may be a bad friend, but he's not one to invade someone's privacy.
That's why it took him a bit more time to decide to step out of his room. Would you let him be there for you? Would you be too embarrassed? You shouldnât be, he thinks. Itâs not your fault.
At one point, he got used to Jungkook abandoning his fleeting girlfriends at the first notification from his best friend that popped up. Mingyu never did anything for the girls, and they usually left after a few minutes. Maybe that's why most of them didn't like him. He didn't care, and they always cut ties with everything Jungkook related after the break up, so why would he?
He shouldn't be doing anything. Caring that you're crying alone in the middle of his living room goes against every rule he imposed onto himself. He should be cleansing his mind of you, stepping away from the weird not-friendship you two developed and going back to focusing on the things that matter. He shouldnât let you climb up that list.
But as soon as he heard his roommate standing up and leaving, the itch at the back of his brain started screaming at him to do something. How can he step back and do nothing? He canât be indifferent this time. Unfortunately, he does care. Unfortunately, every sob and quiet sniffle tugs at his heart and urges him to be there for you, to come out and try to be there for you as best he can.
The sight of you, even if it's not something he hadn't seen before, breaks him. Making yourself as little as possible, with your clothes wrinkled and your hair a mess, you let him sit by your side, the cold couch caving under him as he settles at a good enough distance that heâs close enough to feel him beside you, but not sticking to your side inappropriately.
The silence with him is a more understanding one. Itâs not the first time heâs seen you cry, but you donât dare say anything. Is there even something to say? You didn't argue, Jungkook didn't run away angry at you, he didn't tell you he hates you and wishes you were somebody else, yet, you feel as if he did something worse. Empty yet full of self deprecating thoughts you wouldn't voice out to the best psychologist on the planet. You couldnât tell Mingyu even if you wanted to.
A hand, warm and firm, places just above your knee. Itâs soft, careful, an innocent touch to understand that heâs there for you. The gesture is oddly comforting, and you allow yourself to feel everything. The embarrassment, the disappointment, the hurt, knowing Mingyu won't judge you for it.
âItâs not your fault.â Mingyu claims, his voice overpowering your racing thoughts.
Maybe itâs the way he says it so sincerely, but you break down even more. Your hands cover your face once again, bending down until your forehead touches your knees. Mingyuâs hand frees itself from the cage you created. Heâs definitely had enough of your crying for the night by now. He tried to help and you repay him by dropping half your weight onto his hand and continue crying? If he leaves too, you wouldnât blame him.
But he doesnât leave. Instead, Mingyu wraps his arm around your shoulder and brings you closer to him. âHe doesnât deserve your tears.â
Your heart stops for a second, taking in your closeness and the reason behind it, and what he said about his close friend. Your head lays against Mingyuâs shoulder almost on its own, and he keeps you there, even if your tears start staining his shirt.
âHe wasnât like this before.â Your voice breaks trying to defend the you of the past, and the arm behind you stiffens before you feel his hand hold onto your other shoulder for comfort. âThey warned me, and I didnât listen.â
He shouldnât be the one to tell you. Mingyu knows that. But youâre so broken, crumbling against him like thereâs nothing else you can do, that he almost lets the truth slip out. Itâs on the tip of his tongue, the thing thatâll break you even more. But he canât allow himself to do it.
So, he stays silent, offering a place for you to let out all your feelings. Whatever you need to feel better, even if itâs just a little.
Mingyu doesnât know how much time passes, or what youâre thinking, but he can feel how your breathing regulates with every second. Eventually, your sniffles become rarer and rarer, you straighten your posture and, unfortunately for him, step away from his hold.
âIâm sorry, Iââ You canât look him in the eyes, taken aback by the realization of what happened, guilt making you trip over your words, âI shouldnât haveââ
Getting up and gathering your things is the only thing you can think of doing. Whatever solace you found in his arms is now gone, replaced by an awkwardness you donât know how to handle. Mingyuâs eyes bore holes on your back as you pick up your things that fell down when you first entered the apartment without care.
âItâs okay,â Mingyuâs gentle words help you relax, but the need to get out of the apartment is stronger. âYou can stay, I donât want you to leave while being upset.â
âI canât be here, Mingyu.â You donât mean to sound so hostile, but everywhere you look is a reminder of how pathetic you just were. Itâs pushing you away.
âIs there anything I can do?â Mingyu hovers around you, not wanting to scare you away. Heâll do whatever you ask him to. âAnything.â
âIâ I just want to be alone.â You walk yourself to the door, too tired to think about how you feel about everything that happened. Too busy to consider anything else. âI have to get ready for tomorrow.â
âRight, itâs tomorrow.â Heâd forgotten about the college thing. Your college thing. He was so busy pretending to mind his own business and hiding from his feelings that he forgot you have your own life too. âYouâre gonna do great.â
âThank youâŠâ Your hand rests on the door handle, hesitating leaving Mingyu after he helped you. âIâll see you tomorrow.â Your lips tight in the best smile you can manage, in an attempt to not seem mad at him.
âWeâll pick you up in the morning.â Mingyu announces, even if he knows you planned to come on your own.
âThereâs no need for that.â You let out a sad, airy chuckle that squeezes Mingyuâs heart.
âNo, Weâllââ he starts, but corrects himself, âIâll pick you up. Itâs not up to discussion. You, focus on resting.â
Mingyu takes the decision for you and opens the door himself, both of you ignoring the tingling at the touch of your hands. A quiet mumble goodbye is all you manage to say before going for the elevator. And Mingyu stays at the door until heâs sure the elevatorâs going down.
The scorching mid-day sun heated the car so much you canât rest against it. A few feet ahead, the guys stand in line at the convenience store at the gas station, with mainly energy drinks in hand and a few sandwiches. After driving the entire morning, everyone collectively decided to stop for a while for a bit of leg stretching and to recharge for more hours of driving.
Itâs been a weird day from the start.
Mingyu picked you up like he promised, and even made sure you didnât dare take an uber to their home by texting you they were on the way too early in the morning. You were about to open the uber app when he texted.
You barely got any sleep during the night, your brain switching from replaying the evening at Jungkookâs place and revising for the presentation. You rested so little, yet the usually soothing hum of the car isnât helping you sleep, choosing to focus on everyoneâs voice.
Since you opened your eyes, after tossing and turning all night, you didnât let yourself think about anything that wasnât the presentation. When to pause, how much to wave your hands in the air. It worked to an extent. But hearing Jungkook sitting by your side making the effort to talk to Cathlyn, who was sitting in the passenger seat while Mingyu was driving, almost made you go insane.
The only reason youâre alone waiting while the rest of them shop is because you insisted. No, you donât need to go to the bathroom. No, you donât want anything specific to eat. No, you donât need to walk it out. Just in need of a little bit of peace. And Jungkook let you be. Heâs been pretending nothing happened the previous night, and youâre glad heâs not forcing you to voice out your thoughts.
The bell above the storeâs door chimes as everyone leaves altogether. Instinctively, you reach for the passengerâs door, as the idea was for Mingyu and Jungkook to switch seats so Mingyu can take a rest from driving, but a voice reaches you before you get the chance to open the car.
âIs it okay if I stay there?â Cathlyn runs over to you with a pack of chips in hand.
âShotgun again?â Jungkook appears behind her, a sly smile on his face before he rounds the car to open the trunk.
She giggles at him but turns her attention back to you when she notices your silence and questioning look. âIâm sorry, I just get really dizzy in the backseat.â
Giving up on reality is easier than fighting it. Youâre not going to be the one to deny the poor girl who just got broken up with. Sure, sit with your best friend, laugh with him and ignore the rest of the world outside your bubble. Who cares? âSure, I donât mind.â
The car is not that small, but with Cathlynâs friend, who you didnât know was coming on the trip until you were in front of the car on the street by your building, you end up between her and Mingyu in the backseat.
Feeling him by your side wakes up flashbacks from the previous night. But if before he was warm and comforting, heâs now rigid in place, looking out the window as the car gets back on the road. You donât know what you expected, or why you feel a hint of disappointment at the pit of your stomach, but thereâs nothing you can really do. You arenât giving him many chances to be friendly with you either.
For a moment, youâre thankful for the cease in conversation, when Jungkook turns up the volume of the radio and random pop hits start entrancing everyone in the car into listening quietly. Cathlyn and her friend, who they call Mel, bob their heads to the song in sync without realizing, and itâs peaceful.
But then, the next song plays, and the two people sitting in the front part of the car collectively gasp. Mingyu shifts on your side, and you know he recognized what they did too.
âThis is the song thatââ Cathlyn starts, but they both laugh before she can finish explaining.
âHe really hated you for that.â The only reason Jungkookâs eyes are on the road is because heâs driving, because if he werenât, youâre sure heâd be laughing his ass off with Cathlyn.
âHe hated me before too!â She slaps his shoulder before erupting into laughter again. âFor no reason may I add.â
All three of you in the backseat just stare at them, listening, waiting for one of them to think of telling the anecdote. Your instincts want nothing more than to look at Mingyu, side eye him for a little help, but you fight them.
âWhat did you do?â Mel asks by your side, trying to get the attention from the party in the front.
âOur history teacher hated her in senior year.â Jungkook looks at Mel through the rear-view mirror. âShe argued with him almost every day.â
âI can see her doing that.â While her friend chuckles at the bit of the story, Cathlyn still doesnât turn around, almost exclusively laughing with Jungkook.
âAnd he threatened to fail me on the last test we had!â
âI keep telling you, thereâs no way he wouldâve done that.â
âIt seemed like a very real threat to me.â
âSo, you had to blast this song outside the classroom?â
âI had to make a show out of it!â
As they keep bickering about their senior year, leaving you out of the fun, the air around you becomes as awkward as ever. Melâs laughing with them, the only one paying real attention to their jabs at each other. Mingyu, on the other hand, looks down as he plays with his fingers. Youâre⊠bored.
The conversation youâre not a part of doesnât interest you, the musicâs no longer loud enough to help you take your mind off everything, and you have at least two more hours of agony.
So you focus on the cars on the road, the ones you pass, the ones that pass you, the grass, the animals, the farms, until your eyes finally close on their own.
â  â  â â â  â â â  â
When you open your eyes again, the carâs slowing down, arriving at the motel thatâll house the five of you for the following days. Itâs still bright outside, but the slightly orange tones in the sky and your stomach growling indicate the beginning of the evening.
A familiar hard surface below your temple holds your head in place. When exactly you fell asleep is the first question that pops up in your head. The second one answers itself quickly.
âWeâre here.â Mingyuâs low voice accompanies his soft grip just above your knee, with a little reminder of the last time it was there.
As you lift your head and stretch your neck until it pops, it hits you. You fell asleep on Mingyuâs shoulder. A whole two hours where you bothered him, again. Made him take care of you, again.
âYou shouldâve woken me up.â Mingyu shakes his head at your intent of an apology, but you interrupt him before he speaks up, âIâm sure you were uncomfortable.â
âReally, I didnât mind.â In the background, Cathlyn and Mel excuse themselves out of the car to look for their room in a rush. âI can wash all the drool off my shirt just fine.â
âI do not drool.â The way he chuckles compels you to join him. Itâs easy, and the first time you even smiled in the day.
The door to the driverâs seat shuts closed with force, and both you and Mingyu scurry to get out of the car as soon as possible.
You donât miss the way Jungkook studies you as he hands each of you your bags from the trunk. Cold as ice, he stays silent when Mingyu excuses himself to find their shared room.
âIf your planâs to make me jealous, thatâs not gonna cut it.â Jungkookâs voice surprises you from behind, and the frown he wears on his face accompanies the angry tone.
âI didnât plan anything.â He doesnât speak to you the whole trip, and now he has the audacity to be mad at you? âBut by the looks of it, whatever you think I did, it clearly worked.â
âAlready looking for a rebound?â He follows behind you to the entrance of the motel.
âJungkook, I donât have time for this.â
You have hours and hours of practice ahead of you, and they might not be enough for your talk to be perfect. He knows the congress is a big deal to you, or at least he should. You canât be thinking about anything else. Not about him. Not about your relationship with him. Not about Mingyu.
âAre you planning to break up with me?â Youâve never heard him talk like this before. He doesnât sound hurt, just angry, jealous.
You scoff. âIf you keep being an asshole, I might.â The answer blurts out without checking with your brain first. He didnât expect you to say something back. You didnât either.
âFine.â Jungkook crosses his arms, waiting for you to say the words youâre not even sure you want to utter. âDo it.â
âLook, I canât deal with this right now.â You take a deep breath, trying to think clearly, to not do anything impulsively. âYouâre mad and Iâm stressed. Itâs not the best time.â
âAre you saying youâll do it tomorrow?â
âWhat? Iâm not saying anything, Jungkook, stop.â Your bagâs heavy on your shoulder as you rack your brain for anything to help you out of this. âWhy donât we take the night off, Iâll practice for tomorrow, you can relax after all the driving, and weâll have a proper talk tomorrow. Okay?â
Jungkook huffs, mumbling something close to a âfine then, byeâ before storming off.
The back of your throat feels dry and hoarse from the hours of speech practice. How to modulate correctly, how to make your voice bigger. It takes a toll on you.Â
When you and your friends planned to do the finishing touches the night before the congress, none of you thought youâd be trapped in a tiny motel room for hours, tweaking the words to seem more professional, timing yourselves to fit in the 15 minute time slot, and even going as far as to plan when and how to look at the screen behind you.
Your stomach growls incessantly. You havenât had anything to eat in hours, besides the simple dinner the three of you had after setting up in your rooms. Seeing every one of you is tired, the girls donât stop you when you get up and leave the room in search of a vending machine.
Somehow, the balcony has better lighting than your hallway, and you spot a big vending machine just outside your hallway. Picking a snack is not hard when your tummy begs for anything, so you grab the random chip bag you picked and begin to head back when you hear a loud thud and a curse coming from the next hallway.
Judging by which hallway youâre walking into, and the sheer size of the person bending over in pain in front of their door, itâs Mingyu.
âAre you okay?â You rush to help him in any way you can.
Mingyuâs head shoots your way and he curses again. âShit, itâs you, hi, yeah.â He grunts in between words and tries to stand up straight. âI closed the door right in my hand. Itâs no big deal, really. Go rest for tomorrow.â
Even from afar, you could see the sweat stains on the back of his sleeveless t-shirt. His shallow breathing and sweat dripping down his hair and face welcome you as you reach him. It's a sight. His skin glistening under the white hallway lights catches your attention a second longer than it should before it goes back to the cause of his pain.
âYouâre bleeding!â Taking a closer look at the hand heâs holding, you see a growing red bubble right under the ring fingerâs nail. âLetâs get you inside.â
âYou donât have toââ
âShut up and go put your hand under running cold water.â After heâs helped you so many times, the least you can do is google what to do when someone has a bubble of blood growing under their nail.
The empty room catches your attention as you read the quick answers your search pulled up. âJungkookâs not here?â
Looking over to the open bathroom door, Mingyuâs hand is under the running tap like you instructed, but heâs staring at you with an indecipherable look in his eyes. He must know about the fight you two had.
âHe went out with some friends that came here too.â He answers before giving up and drying his hand. âItâs not clearing out.â
You should be used to him sitting closely by your side. Your breath shouldnât quicken and your hands shouldnât sweat as the bed creaks below him. Actually, you need to stop getting into situations where Mingyu needs to sit beside you. But you canât help it.
Maybe focusing on his minor injury can help your body relax. âOkay, so, google says it should go away on its own in like⊠two or three days.â Even if thereâs so many questions you have for him that you avoided all day, itâs not the time.
âI'll have to stay with a blood bubble on my finger for days?â His threatening pout lifts your mood quickly.
You chuckle, taking his hand in yours once again. âDoes it hurt?â Mingyu shakes his head with a small smile growing in his face, letting you have your way.
Now that heâs calmer than when you found him outside, his fingers relax in your hold as you look for any bruises. His hand that held you and comforted you one too many times, now being taken care of by you. Rushes of warm blood follow where your skin meets his, even the lightest of touches aren't free of his effect on you.
âWhy didnât you go with them?â Your mouth betrays you once again, voicing out your thoughts instead of getting through the silence. âYour friends.â
âDidnât feel like it.â His answer is simple. And you wish it was enough to satiate your curiosity, but you simply can't stop asking questions.
âNothing more?â You don't know what you expect him to answer. Maybe you're just looking for excuses to keep talking to him, to stay in the momentary bubble that surrounds you every time youâre with him.
âI haven't been⊠liking him much lately.â
Mingyu's careful with his choice of words. Still believing itâs not his place to talk about what goes on in Jungkookâs life, he canât not be honest with you, not when youâre so close to him heâs sure you can read every expression on his face.
A drop of sweat drips down the side of his face, training your eyes to follow its way down until it dampens the side of his mouth.
âYou're best friends.â A remainder, more to yourself than to him.
âDoesn't mean I have to agree with everything he does.â
Mingyu hopes you understand the meaning behind his words.
You hope he doesn't notice the way your eyes stayed too long on his moving lips before going back to his eyes.
You both hope for things you can't voice out, charging the little space between your stares with electricity. With his hand forgotten in your hold, reading his expression becomes your main task.
None of you dare move, and you know, somehow, that he's waiting for you to do something âanything. What you don't know is what you want.
Your phone chimes in your back pocket just when you part your lips to speak. There's a millisecond, barely noticeable to anyone who wasn't watching Mingyu's gaze closely, where his eyes drift down your face. With your lips dry at his attention, you break the spell, letting go of his hand to reach for your phone.
Nayeon asks where you disappeared to, and sends a long chain of suspecting emojis when you tell her who youâre with.
âIâI have to get back.â Getting up from the weak motel bed in a flash, Mingyu's eyes follow you to the door. âSorry for taking up your time.â
âYou gotta stop with that.â He stops you in your tracks, with a soft grip on your wrist to turn you back to him.
âStop talking like you're a bother.â He doesn't let you dismiss him. âYou don't bother me. I wouldn't spend time with you if you did.â
âYou didn't use to like me. And now you pity me, that's why you spend time with me.â Even if you'd like to believe otherwise.
âThat's not true.â He doesn't let go of you, and you stop aiming to get out the door. âI don't pity you.â
âYou never talked to me until you caught me crying that day.â Your head tilts, trying not to seem so serious with your counter argument.
Another text comes through your phone. You shouldn't be wasting time on such an important night. But is it really wasted time if you're spending it with him?
âIt wasn't about you.â Mingyu reveals, but it doesn't really clear up your doubts. âI don't like getting to know people I'm not sure will stick around.â
âSo, it's true.â You bring your arm out of his grip, a way to protect yourself. âI wasn't supposed to last this long.â
âLook. It's not my place, and I've already gotten too involved.â Mingyu's words fly over you, choosing not to overthink what he means. âJungkook's shit is Jungkookâs shit, but you can decide what to do too. Don't wait for him to make a decision for you.â
âI'm capable of making my own decisions, Mingyu.â You say, convinced but weary of his tone.
âI know you are. He doesn't.â
The silence is striking, breathtaking, heartstopping. Words don't come up in your brain, an infinite echo of Mingyu's remark rendering you incapable of following a simple order.
âSee you tomorrow.â You can only offer him a small smile before finally leaving the room full of him.
The applause almost breaks you down. You can finally take a deep breath. The thing youâve been preparing for weeks, taking up most of your sleep time and raising the bar for how much stress you can handle, is finally done.
Well, not completely. Your speech is done, yes, but the time for questions begins. Jennie and Nayeon answer everything swiftly as your eyes scan the room for any known faces. You finished the presentation and you can barely catch your breath as your heart tries to slow down, so they take on the most annoying part of the job.
From across the room, behind the people eager to ask their questions with their hands in the air or attentively listen to your friendsâ responses, the tall man only looking at you makes your heart stop.
Was he there the whole time? When you speak in a room full of people, you tend to disappear into your own mind, barely registering what surrounds you until your timeâs up. He could've just got here, but deep down you know he didnât. Deep down, you know heâs been there since the start, supporting you without your knowledge.
As a hand on your shoulder starts gently dragging you away from the stand, splitting the way between your connected stares, a sense of accomplishment washes over you. You're done, you can carry on with your life.Â
In the hallway just outside where you just spent the most stressful hours of your life, you can hear the next group beginning their presentation, one that luckily youâre not required to be present for. Perks of being in the line up.
Getting out the other door, Mingyu searches for you and finds you walking over to him with the biggest smile adorning your face.
âWhat did you think?â Your friendsâ giggles make it to your ears from behind. Merging the constant teasing youâre the victim of with their infatuation with Mingyu is dangerous, but there really is only one thing in your mind now.
âYou talked really well.â The highlight of every word as his eyebrows wiggle with confusion lights a warmth in your belly that spreads across your body into a chuckle.
âYou didnât understand a thing, did you?âÂ
âI didnât.â Itâs his chuckle, and his smile, and his eyes glimmering, and his chin tilted down to get a better look at you.
Have you ever felt this way before? Easy under someoneâs gaze, unafraid of making them feel less intelligent. Heâs⊠genuinely happy for you. Out of all the presentations in the schedule, your subject matter was the least close to his field, yet he chose to listen to your sociology lesson.
âThank you for coming.â You say before the magic fades. âYouâyou didnât have to.â
âI didnât want to miss it.â Heâs the most genuine he can possibly be.
Mingyu undoubtedly, and selfishly, cares about you. From the sidelines, he saw you getting the opportunity, the toll the preparations were taking on you. He wasnât going to skip one of the biggest moments of your life after seeing you struggle for so long.
âThat makes one of you.â You donât mean it to sound as spiteful, but the sour taste in your mouth as you realize who isnât present triggers the resentful tone. âAnyway, Iâm not gonna let some asshole ruin my day! Weâre going to celebrate with the girls and some guys I have no idea how they managed to make friends with, do you want to come?â
Mingyu doesn't think about what you mean behind your invitation. âSure, if you want me there.â Heâd jump at any chance he got to spend time with you.Â
Ever since that night at the pool bar, Mingyu never forgot your willingness to not let one bad moment overshadow an otherwise enjoyable day. A quality he could learn from. Thatâs why, he also canât forget about the moments he comforted you, when everything became so overwhelming you had no choice but to let it all out.
âLetâs go then!â Your hand aims to stretch back for him to take, but the little angel on your shoulder wins this round, and you just walk out the hall with Mingyu following you, hand hanging cold by your side.
The evening sky greets you on the outside world, and the fresh air filling your lungs after being trapped inside the suffocating new college is very welcomed by your body.
Following your friends wherever they go, letting them choose which bar or club to go celebrate, you can only smile and silently walk behind them. Mingyuâs towering presence occupies the space to your right. Heâs also silent, admiring the new city, letting you have the unspeaking moment you need.
Itâs not long before youâre getting into a club with flashing colored lights and loud pop music coming out of the speakers. The sense of accomplishment embodies you whole. One less thing to worry about, one less thing weighing you down. You won't let anyone take the freedom from you.
Itâs a carefree night. You let yourself be dragged to the packed dance floor, your friends leading the way amidst all the bodies crowding as they dance out of sync.
Being drunk could never compare to the happiness you feel as you join everyone dancing. You allow the music to take over you, with your hips and limbs coordinating to the rhythm of each song playing, blending into the sea of people.
You don't know when, you don't care how, and with no will to stop, you and Mingyu drift towards each other, the little space and dim atmosphere making it easy to hide everything wrong with what you're doing.
âYou're happy.â Mingyu leans down to say to your ear. The only way you could hear him over all the noise.
âI am!â You don't fight the smile growing in your lips, focusing on the way Mingyu's eyes scan your face under the blue lights.
This time, the battle between the little angel and the devil dictating your choices ends with the victory of the mischievous voice that tells you to inch closer to Mingyu.
With the excuse of the loud music, you stand on your tiptoes to reach the side of his face, your lips grazing his ear as you say, âI'm glad you came.â
His hands steady you in place before you lose your balance, holding onto your hips and keeping you in place.
You should swat his hands away. He should stand back from the girl who isn't his. The tension sizzles from the tip of his fingers barely dipping into a bit of uncovered skin and up your body until your chest tightens.
âI'm sure you'd want someone else here.â Even with the scandalous meaning behind his words, you don't ignore the light teasing tone he purposely uses.
âI'm not thinking about him right now.â His eyes search for yours, finding only truth in them.
The people surrounding you, unscrupulously dancing against each other and paying you no mind, sway your bodies from side to side. Neither of you make a move to separate, letting the pushing crowd be the excuse for your closeness. You have the urge to wrap your arms around his neck, but you fight it. Maybe if he was something else, you would.
But the universe would never let you be this careless without some karma waiting for you.
When your gaze reluctantly disconnects from Mingyu's in search for your friends, the sight of two familiar people catches your attention a few meters to the side. You should've known he was with her. That he'd choose her over you even for this.
They're just dancing, and you can't complain about it because you're currently in the arms of another man too. It's just⊠different.Â
Your hands find Mingyu's still on your sides, grabbing them softly to get them off you as your eyes go from the scene you just witnessed to him and then back. Of course, he gets it immediately.
âI can talk to him.â Mingyu has this instinct now, to shield you from having a bad time.
âNo, I'll do it. I have a few things in mind to say.â While you appreciate him wanting to help, itâs something you have to do on your own. You canât shield behind Mingyu any longer.
Making the sacrifice of looking like a psychotic girlfriend, the adrenaline moves your legs forward, no time to think further about what youâre about to do. They donât see you coming, they probably didnât even see you with Mingyu before, too sucked into their bubble to notice other people.
âJungkook.â His shocked expression just confirms your theory. He notices youâre mad quickly, but the wheels turning in his mind, failing to find the reason for your anger, are so visible you canât control your mouth. âGlad to see youâre having fun.â
âHi, babe! I didnâtâsee you come in!â He leans into the wall behind him for support, body as stiff as ever. âHaving a good time?â
âAre you kidding me?â Admittedly, youâre raising your voice a few decibels over the necessary amount, but youâve never cared less about drawing attention than at this moment. âYou really forgot, huh?â
Only then, Jungkook realizes he messed up. Itâs not normal to see you angry, especially not at him. âLetâs talk outside, okay? Itâs quieter.â
You catch his eyes going back to Cathlyn before he places a hand on your lower back to direct you to the door. Astonishing, really.
âYou could make it less obvious, at least.â The harsh cold night wind slaps you even more awake. âIâm not stupid, Jungkook.â
Youâre not dressed to be standing outside on the street at this hour. The cityâs too windy, making you shiver as if it was the middle of winter. You donât want to look weak in Jungkookâs eyes, you need to look like you stand your ground. The cold is a mental state anyway, you can fight it.
âYouâre not, babe, but what are you talking about? What are you doing here?â His cluelessness does everything but help his situation.
âWeâre celebrating that our presentation was a success.â At the news, everything clicks in Jungkookâs mind.
âIt was today.â Jungkook reminds himself out loud.
âOf course it was today! Why else do you think we drove all this way?â He has to be a special kind of disengaged and disinterested to selectively wipe his memory like this, you think.
âIâm sorry, baby! So much happened today, and I thought you didnât want to see me after last night.â
âDonât use one fight as an excuse. You forgot or you didnât care. Either way, this was important to me and you didnât come.â
People passing you on the street side eye the scene youâre making. Jungkook seems to care about being judged, taking in account the way his eyes widen at every raise of your voice.
At his silence, you keep going. âWhat did Cathlyn fucking need this time? What could have possibly been more important than your girlfriend?â It feels pathetic to call yourself that.
âYou have to understand,â his voice becomes tense at the utterance of her name, âsheâs my best friend. She means everything to me.â
Youâre positive sheâs listening to all of this. Hiding behind the clubâs door waiting for the chance to come out and comfort her oh so dear best friend. Itâs not her fault, but itâs hard not to grow an ill feeling thinking about her.
âDonât I mean anything? Why get into a relationship with me if you wonât take it seriously? If youâre in love with someone else?â
Itâs hard to form an articulated sentence when the anger and the sadness spar in your mind. Itâs hard not to feel desperate, a pitiful attempt at making a careless man care about you.
Your gaze trains on the floor, tuning out Jungkookâs lame excuses and not truthful apologies. Without looking at him, and with only the grey sidewalk on sight, itâs like you can think clearly for the first time.
âIâm sorry, baby, I promise Iâll make it up to you.â Itâs just a moment where you let his words register, and itâs the last thing you need to decide.
âNo. You wonât.â
Jungkook shuts up instantly. Your gaze doesnât falter this time, locking into his with your best poker face. You can see every thought passing through his mind, every little reaction he fights to show. He analyzes your expression, looking for another meaning, for any sign that you donât mean what you said.
âI promise I will, baby, câmon.â
The thing is, after so many promises, those words coming out of his mouth become meaningless. Theyâre just empty words he uses to get you to forgive him, heâs not being truthful, heâs just begging so he can feel better with himself.
âNo! You wonât! That was your last chance.â It gets clearer and clearer to him what youâre saying.
You shouldn't have been silently enduring the scraps of his attention he was giving you. Waiting for your growing feelings to be reciprocated by someone who doesnât respect you. Those feelings, however big or small âyouâre not sure, quickly started dissipating at the realization that he simply didnât care. It wasnât his memory, or his busy schedule, it was the lack of intention. Care and intention he always showed to someone else.
âBabeâŠâ He sounds like he gave up too, one last pity attempt you know he doesnât mean.
âWeâre done. You never wanted to be with me, and I certainly donât want to be with you anymore.â
When you start walking away, Jungkook doesnât stop you, standing where you left him with his eyes lost to the ghostly street.
Realizing the burden heâs been on your life and letting it go finally lets you see clearly. Your night mightâve been ruined, but youâre liberated from that pain. Youâre not happy, but youâre not sad either, just walking forward, a new future ahead.
Youâve walked almost two whole blocks, the motel a half block away, when the sound of rushed steps chasing you alerts you. You didnât think anyone would be coming after you, but you realize who it is right when the figure appears in your line of sight.
âAre you okay?â Mingyuâs breathless, slowing his pace to match yours. He definitely heard everything that happened.
âYeah, I think so.â Even if you sound convinced, he stays walking with you.
âIâll walk you inside.â He doesnât look back, deciding on what to do. But you know he should be making sure his friend is okay. You guess he is, though.
âI'll be fine. You can stay withââ
âI want to make sure youâre okay.â Mingyu interrupts you before you can say the otherâs name. âI don't care about him right now.â
Your heart stops for a moment before your brain catches up. All those times Jungkook left you and Mingyu came right to the rescue, when he got annoyed at them in the pool bar, or admitting he didnât like what Jungkook was âchoosingâ. Of course he has to know how his best friend and roommate feels about everyone.
âYou knew it all this time.â He doesnât look at you, staring at the distance as he listens closely. âThat heâs in love with her.â
âI didn't want to be the one to tell you.â
Your room doorâs just one step away now, but you still stop in your tracks at his words. You never thought of his silence as his way to shield you from the truth. You never thought that the initial pity he took on you âeven if he denies it, came from a place of hiding something from you.
âHe was in love with somebody else while being with me! Thatâs the kind of thing you need to tell me!â Luckily, the hallway is completely deserted at this hour. You wouldnât want to make another scene. Youâre more aware of everything now, free but raw, as if anything could scar you.
âIt wasn't my place!â For a second you understand Mingyu. Imagining him even implying it hurts more than realizing the truth yourself. But it still hurts. You trusted him with your most vulnerable moments, and all that time he hid that he knew the real cause for that pain. âAnd don't act like you didn't know it too.â
Mingyuâs harsh comment feels like a punch in the gut. Thereâs no malice in his tone, youâve come to know him and his tendency to be too direct sometimes, it was just unexpected this time.
But he is right. There were signs everywhere for you to see, signs you turned a blind eye to. It was a thought that often crossed the back of your mind, but you dismissed it before you could think about it further. You were stupid to think you were paranoid and it meant nothing.
âStop.â You realize you weren't looking at him and shoot your gaze up. âI know what youâre thinking. Donât blame yourself. Heâs the asshole and youâre not at fault for believing him.â
âBut I shouldnât have. I thought I was smarter than that, turns out Iâm just dumb.â You want to curl up in bed, hide from the judging outside world and forget all about Jungkook and the past few weeks. But not all of it.
âHeâs the dumb one for not seeing how great you are.â Mingyu's hand on your shoulder manages to comfort you enough to hold off on the tears. âAre you okay? About breaking it off?â
âI know it was the right choice for me. But I have to assimilate it, I think. Sleep it offâ
Mingyu nods in acknowledgement as your hand reaches for the doorknob. As if that was your way of ending the conversation, he turns his body to head out the grimy hallway, because he knows whatâs next. Youâll cut off everything related to your now ex, a pack of memories in which he himself is included. This is why he shouldnât have gotten involved with you. Thereâs no way youâll want to be in touch with him after everything.
âMingyu.â Itâs your voice that makes him turn around. Even considering how heartbroken you must be, thereâs a slight grin on your face as you think about what to say next. âI didnât say I wanted to be alone.â
His heart accelerates as if it was miles ahead of the thought process his brain is having a hard time catching up with. Still, beyond whatever he wants and feels, he knows you need some time to think clearly, someone to be there for you regardless of feelings.
At his hesitation, you open the door and look back at him as you enter. Itâs a clear invitation, one he accepts immediately.
After closing the door behind him, the unmade bed calls his name and he sits at the edge to take his shoes off as you begin your night routine in front of the bathroom mirror.
âIâm curious about something.â You look cute smothering moisturizing cream all across your face, Mingyu thinks. âDo you think she likes him back?â
He finds it in himself to chuckle. âDo you really want to talk about that right now?â
âLook, I wonât be sad about it if I can turn it into a gossip session later. Itâs my way of getting over things, so please just indulge me this time.â
Youâre looking at him as you tap your face with the pads of your fingers. Mingyu doesnât see an ounce of sadness in your expression, instead, youâre very serious with what youâre asking. And he wonât argue with that logic, if thatâs what it takes to help you forget and spend more time with you.
âShe never told me anything.â Your half closed eyes and head turned to the side signal Mingyu to keep talking. âIf he confessed, I think she could like him back. They already act like a couple anyway.â
Mingyu realizes he went too far. You donât say anything, but your shoulders slouch before you grab your pajamas from the nightstand and lock yourself in the bathroom. That was definitely not what you wanted to hear. Shit.
âI hope they can finally realize theyâre idiots.â When the door opens to reveal the loose but all too revealing clothes barely covering your body, Mingyu can almost hear all the air in his lungs escaping at once. âAre you getting in bed?â
Maybe itâs his mind playing sick games with him. You canât possibly be asking him to slip under the covers with you and be calm about it. Thereâs a lot of things he can calmly face up to. The idea of laying down so close to the person whoâs been making a mess of his every thought is not one of those.Â
Still, he follows suit with your not so indirect invite. He doesnât want to make assumptions about you, about the situation, or about what you want, so he lets you take the lead for tonight. Trusting that youâll show him what you need and believing that he can give it to you.
The both of you lay awkwardly side by side, facing the ceiling deep in thought. Only the breathing sounds and the way your arm grazes against his keep Mingyuâs senses in check. He feels like a highschooler having his first conversation with his crush. He can no longer be the cool, calm self he praised himself to be. So, he resorts to silence.
âWas he always like that? Ending relationships after realizing itâs not what he wants?â You turn in your place, facing him with those doe eyes of yours that always make him fold.
âIf it makes you feel any better, I think itâs the girls that break up with him.â He mirrors your position, feeling better at the entire situation when he sees your smile at his comment.
âGood for them.â
Thereâs something in your gaze that makes Mingyu question if itâs worth it to be loyal to his friend. Though that moral code mustâve been broken already, thereâs still a line, no matter how thin, he hasnât crossed yet. Emphasis on âheâ, because he can never be sure whatâs your next move.
âAre you sure youâre okay?â He dares to ask again.
Mingyuâs hyper aware of how close you are. How you shift a bit closer to him as you think your answer. He thought the clothes he was wearing were okay to sleep in, but his bodily temperature keeps rising at the thought of you.
âI still feel a bit stupid.â He canât stand hearing you talk about yourself like that, but he doesnât get to argue. You shut his mouth closed, placing your index finger on the center of his lips before he can utter a word. A touch so innocent he immediately feels bad at how electrifying it felt. âMy friends warned me that his relationships never lasted. And I guess I wanted to see it for myself. Have the empirical data, if you will.â
He sees your gaze go down from his eyes, and your hand goes down with it to whatever caught your attention. He swallows hard, waiting for just one signal. The chain around his neck tugs at the back, and he realizes youâre inspecting the little charm hanging from it.
âItâs not like I was in love with him.â Every word you say feels like fire on his end. âHe was fun at first. Thatâs what I liked about him.â
You play with Mingyuâs chain like itâs second nature. Like you donât realize your handâs dangerously close to his chest, about to feel the beating of his heart growing stronger each second.
âIâm sorry I didnât tell you.â That makes your eyes go up again, eyelashes fluttering so close he could count each one of them.
âI get why you didnât, youâre a good friend. And I think it was better for me to realize on my own, if that makes you feel any better.â The smile that grows on him matches yours perfectly.
âI donât know how much of a good friend I am anymore.â The honesty slips out of him under your scanning stare. âIâm here after all, arenât I?â
Mingyu should feel guilty. He left the bar to go after you without so much of a second thought, leaving his supposed best friend to deal with everything on his own. Thatâs how much he cares about you. His need for you overflows into every area of his life, making the guilt disappear into the stream of things that donât matter. Youâre not taken anymore. And, deep down, he knows Jungkookâs going to be fine. He doesnât care about you even a fraction of how much Mingyu does.
Heâs still deep in thought when he feels your hand going up the side of his jaw. Your icy fingers contrast against his fiery skin, driving him to lean into your touch. Heâd close his eyes and let you do anything you wanted if it wasnât for the intoxicating force of your gaze.
The irrational part of his brain doesnât let him stop you as your face gets closer so his. Youâre slowly testing the waters, seeing if heâll back down, but Mingyuâs quicker, and leans down the last millimeters to finally connect.
Your lips melt against his with a soft sigh, and everything stills for a moment. Enveloped with the tenderness of your touch, he feels you hazily pressing further against him, unsurely yearning for more.
But the rational part of his brain, the one that tugs on the last strand of morale he has, retrieves his head from your electrifying kiss.
âWe shouldnâtââ Mingyu regrets it instantly at the sight of your saddened eyes. But he knows itâs for the best. He couldnât live with himself if you werenât sure.
âYou donât want to?â The way your hand flies away from his personal space almost makes him take it and put it back where it belongs.
âI do.â He sounds desperate. He needs you to understand. âBut you should see how you feel when you have a clear mind.â
A thousand thoughts rush through your mind, visibly turning your expression soft again. Mingyu offers his arm for you to lay on, the most outlandish peace offering he can make without losing his mind first.
âOkay.â Your soft voice reverberates up his arm as you lay your head on his relaxed bicep. âDo you want to leave?â
He couldn't begin to imagine any dimension in the multiverse where he'd choose to stay away from the featheriness of your skin against his. âDo you want me to leave?â
âI asked you first.â Your light chuckle heals the worry beginning to creep up on Mingyu. In the future, he'll make sure you never doubt him again.
âI don't want to leave.â
The way your smile keeps making a blank slate of his brain should worry Mingyu. But he's never felt this way before, and if there's a chance, however big or small, that you could feel the same way, he won't go back.
âAnd I want you to stay.â
The morning sun rays bleed through the flimsy curtain, illuminating the otherwise plain motel room in a golden light. You feel warm all around, wrapped in Mingyuâs arms instead of the bedsheets that sometime along the night seem to have fallen to the floor.
But even in the confinement of Mingyuâs backhug, you feel free. What has been dragging your spirit through the floor finally cut from your life. The previous nightâs events faded to a distant memory as soon as you laid your head in Mingyuâs chest and drifted to the best sleep youâve had in weeks.
You donât dare turn in his hold, afraid to wake him up and make him face the day. Thatâs the one thing you havenât been able to dust off since you opened your eyes. The guilt.
Maybe for you, cutting Jungkook out of your life was the best decision, but Mingyu was his friend first, and last night, for whatever reason, he chose you. He chose to comfort the whiny girl that dumped his boyfriend instead of his best friend since they were in the womb.
The morning with him feels like sunrises on the beach, like a warm cup of coffee on the coldest day, like being trapped in an infinite bear hug. It feels like hope. And the guilt from wanting it all could consume you whole just like the need for him.
Mingyu must have mind reading superpowers, because his arms tighten around you before the guilt overwhelms you, easily forgetting it all at the feeling of his breath on your neck.
Neither of you say anything, sharing the comfortable silence, relishing being in each otherâs arms. You donât stop him when he tangles his legs with yours, feeling him everywhere from head to toe. You let your hands caress his forearms as they drift dangerously close to your lower belly.
Itâs wrong. Itâs definitely wrong on some moral level. Borderline evil even. Itâs too soon, and you need to understand what youâre feeling before moving forward with whatever this is. This that feels so nice, so right, but so wrong.
Mingyu doesnât seem to be having the same moral dilemma thatâs running around your mind anymore. The hardness you feel pressing against your inner thigh followed by a gasp that spreads goosebumps all across your back confirming your theory.
In the morning haze, in the limbo between days where time doesnât run and actions donât have consequences, you give into his infectious desire. The agreement you made the night before flying out the window as soon as a fire ignites all across your body.
You purposely grind against him, the indecent action causing your face to feel even warmer. A low moan gets caught in Mingyuâs throat at the feeling of your ass against his morning wood, one hand gripping your hip to keep you in place.
âWhat are you doing?â His raspy voice sends another fire down your body, making you squirm in his grip.
âNothing.â You feign innocence, pretending to straighten your posture but ultimately pressing yourself harder against his chest. âYou don't like it?â
The space between your bodies is crushed impossibly tighter until all you can feel are his muscles tensing in his search for you. The barrier you left standing the night before, demolished with little care as he sighs to your ear.
âIt's not that, princess,â every bit of skin Mingyu touches works like a button to make you need him more and more, âwe should wait.â
You'd agree with him if it wasn't for the elastic of your sleeping shorts stretching to fit his wandering hand. Itâs a timid action, one that contradicts his words but only gets encouraged by your gasp. These arenât the hands that held you close when you were broken, no, these are the ones that felt you shiver pretending to teach you to play pool, the ones that pushed you against him in the dimness of the club. The ones you crave with your whole body.
At your reaction, he drifts further down, playing with the hem of your panties so painfully slow the grip of your hand on his forearm grows stronger with each second he doesn't fully touch you. His lips graze your shoulder, trying to contain himself from kissing every inch he can reach.
When he flattens on your pelvis, pressing you against his faltering hips, you swear your whimper drives him to not so innocently thrust behind you. The room is impossibly hot, but you donât care, nothing matters other than your need to feel him inside.
Your mouth opens, hoping to work enough to plead for him, but a loud knock on your door startles you both out of the embrace.
If the earth itâs going to swallow you at any point in life, you hope itâs right then and there. Your panties are uncomfortably sticky as your embarrassed gaze connects with Mingyu, the both of you speechless with guilt. The most awkward second ever before another knock echoes into the room.
âTell Jennie Iâll be out in a second? I promised her weâd go out for breakfast together.â
The embarrassment doesnât let you look at him a second longer before you lock yourself in the bathroom. Maybe a splash of cold water on your face can help you not look like you just got cockblocked.
â  â  â â â  â â â  â
However Mingyu thought his morning would go, the reality was far from his imagination, though it felt far better. He wouldn't mind waking up next to you again, heating up your skin with his touch until you whimper for him.
The sight of you, just woken up and shy at the boldness of what you just did, puts a sheepish smirk on his face. He almost forgets the wrongness of everything. But the decision he made, selfish and long forgotten, quickly comes back to bite him in the ass as he opens the door.
âWow, this is a nice sight!â Jungkook's face morphs into sarcastic shock as the door reveals a disheveled Mingyu.
âWhat are you doing here?â In all honesty, Mingyu didnât think about his friend last night, deep down knowing he wasnât going to be hurt for long.
âAre you her bodyguard now? I just want to talk about last night.â Jungkook attempts to take half a step into your room, but Mingyu immediately blocks the door.
âItâs not the time to get in my way, man.â The baseless threat doesnât make Mingyu budge in the slightest, which pisses Jungkook off. The manâs eyes widen after scanning the state of the room. âDid you fuck her?â
âWhat?â Mingyu can't believe what he's hearing.Â
âI asked, Did. You. Fuck. Her?â Speaking each word with clenched teeth, Jungkook's voice bleeds anger.
âWhy do you care?â
Jungkook barely lets him finish his question. âSo you fucked her.â
The crude language puts a bitter taste in Mingyu's mouth. As if only the sex mattered and not everything else. Not that he comforted you at your weakest, that you opened up your heart to him, that you kissed him so softly he almost passed out. Mingyu can only hope the bathroom door miraculously becomes soundproof.
âDon't pretend to care about her now.â Never in his life has he talked to Jungkook this way, always afraid of what could happen to their friendship if he tried to put some sense into him. Then again, his actions never hurt someone Mingyu actually cared about.
âI bet you couldnât wait for me to dump her.â The words spit out of Jungkookâs mouth like acid. âEager to take on my leftovers.â
âDude, I get that you're mad, but you're getting out of line.â The peacemaker in Mingyu takes over âitâs either that or a punch in the face, and tries to get his friend back in the hallway.
âIâm not mad!â He gasps with a hand to his chest. âJust shocked, that's all. Didnât even let a day pass.â Venom coats every word he says, justifiably betrayed by the one friend he thought he could always count with.
âI didnât mean for it to come to this,â Mingyu admits quietly, âI wasnât supposed to care.â
Thereâs nothing as Jungkook processes those words. A tense second that becomes an infinite one, a void sucking every apology out of his mouth. Mingyu would pay millions to know whatâs going on in his friendâs head. He could always tell what he was feeling even when he shut everyone off. But he was never the one causing his anger.
âI can gââ
âIâll take the bus home with Cathy.â Is all Jungkook says.
His blank face waits for Mingyu to nod before walking away with no second thoughts. Out of the million outcomes he thought for this conversation, Mingyu never thought heâd be the one left speechless. But they both clearly need some time alone before going back to being roommates, before talking like two grown adults and resolving this.
Itâs the sound of a door closing just meters behind him that takes him back to the room, your room.
Mingyu doesnât know what to do to shield you from the hurt. Heâs tired of simply being there to comfort you in the aftermath. He canât stand the sight before him, your lips turn downwards trying to get a hold of your feelings. He can see it all, the process of all the emotions going through your brain, until your face settles to a serious expression.
âIâm sorry you had to hear that.â Mingyu stays at the threshold of the door, not sure if youâd still want him as company.
âDonât be. Iâm glad I did.â You stay put in place, half a step from the messy bed, looking everywhere but at him. âAt least I donât have to feel guilty anymore.â
Guilt. Thatâs what he noticed when he gained consciousness and felt you tense in his hold. âAbout what happened earlierââ
âIâm sorry about that,â you interrupt him in his hesitation, âyou said you didnât want to and I crossed the line.â
âItâs notââ Your lips part in surprise as your eyes fly to his. âIâshit, I donât want you to think Iâm only being nice for something in return.â
âYou should be glad I donât think of you that way.â Itâs a weird feel of rejection, the one in your heart as you start picking up your things. A man says he doesnât want to have sex after rubbing himself against you and fighting with your ex boyfriend. âWe should pack, get ready to leave.â
âWhat do you think of me then?â
Mingyu standing leaning against the doorframe, following your every move with his eyes, makes you stumble upon every possible obstacle on your way. Even with your gaze elsewhere, you can feel him watching your every move.
âI think youâre a good man that lacks a sense of urgency.â Unfortunately, you didnât bring much stuff on the trip, and youâre getting to the end of things to take your mind off of Mingyu. âAre you going to stare at me all day?â
âI like you.â Mingyuâs sure about a lot of things, but at the weight lifting from his shoulders, the way you stop at his words and how you wait for him to continue, heâs certain heâs never felt like this before. âIâm sorry if that's weird and wrong to say, but I do.â
âIââ Thereâs no way to describe it, how your mind clears of any reasonable thought the second those words escape Mingyuâs lips.
âYou donât have to say anything. Like I said last night, I want you to figure out how you feel on your own time. Iâll be here, you can count on me. Iâm not going anywhere.â
His assurance helps. He somehow always knows how to help you, what to say, how to act.
Before you know it, youâre face to face with him, his warmth embracing you as he tilts his head down, waiting for your next move. Your cheek lays softly on his chest after wrapping your arms around him, hugging him tightly, the only way you have to express your gratitude.
Warm air effortlessly fills your lungs, the scent of him coating every one of your senses as he replicates your hug. His arms feel right around you, as if you were meant to be like this forever, and you relax in his hold.
âThank you.â Two simple words that mean so much more are the only thing you manage to utter, hoping he'll understand.Â
âAlways.â
Some girls my friends met at the congress came to town and begged for us to take them to a club
Do you want to come? Itâs close to my place
As soon as you press send, you throw your phone at your bed on the other side of the room.
Itâs been two weeks since the most eventful weekend of your life. Two weeks since you finally stood up for yourself and chose your well being for once. Two weeks since Mingyu started being one of the most important parts of your everyday life.
Those afternoons when he made you wonder if you actually fit in his friendâs life, when the thought of him would cause you an immediate headache, feel like a ghost of the past. You couldnât imagine not being around him now, not receiving his ominous texts in the middle of the night after he finishes a random project for college that you donât understand, or not seeing his face after class when he picks you up and rambles about how good his class was that day.
He promised heâd be there for you, waiting for you to see how you feel about him without expecting anything in return. And every day that passes, the hurt and confusion fades away bit by bit, and a new, stronger, unexplored, feeling grows in your heart.
You donât know what compelled you to invite Mingyu out of nowhere. Youâre fully dressed, about to leave and with your friends already waiting on your buildingâs front door, but something at the back of your mind itched with a potent need to see him. Your fingers clicked on his contact and texted him before you could realize what you were doing.
Itâs not two minutes later that your phone vibrates with a new notification. Your skin crawls with the combined anxiety of wanting to see him but also not wanting to see him at all. The usual two feelings that fight to take over every time you think of him.
Youâre quick to run out your apartment before your friends come up and drag you out themselves. With your unlocked phone in hand, Mingyuâs name lights up your screen.
Sure. Text me address.
Iâll meet you there.
The simplicity of his texts always makes you chuckle, embarrassingly smitten by his short sentences. You quickly text him the name and address before hopping off the elevator and joining your friends in the cold weather in which youâre not meant to be wearing the club clothing you chose.
Youâd be a liar if you didnât admit you were nervous to see Mingyu. The change came without warning. After getting used to him checking up on you, learning your coffee order and your class schedule, the anticipation started taking over you. Your eyes look for him around campus, your feet flee out of your classroom knowing heâs going to be there waiting for you.
You try to distract yourself when you get too in your mind about it, about him. Itâs a difficult new kind of occurrence youâre not sure how to navigate, so you resort to acting nonchalant about it. Thatâs why, when he arrives and your friends make eyes at you, you donât let the subject go further than admitting you invited him. Itâs a normal thing for people to invite their friends to hang out!
But no matter how hard you try, your eyes donât stop wandering to the bar, where Mingyuâs forgotten his quest to get another round of drinks and is talking to the most graceful and gorgeous woman alive.
Of course, Mingyu chose tonight of all nights to look like a prince coming to the rescue. A fitted black shirt that even with the lack of light inside the club managed to highlight his build. You almost fainted when he locked eyes with you across the room and smiled walking all the way to you.
And youâd caught that girlâs eyes glued to him when he first entered the club and greeted you all. As soon as he took one step away from you to walk to the bar, the girl unhooked herself from your group and followed him.Â
âI wonder whatâs taking so long with the drinks," Youâre barely processing your words as they leave your mouth. As if you havenât been policing the interaction since it started.
âYeah, did heâŠâ Jennieâs voice trails out before she can finish, following the line of sight you basically burned in the air after so many stares. A small smirk flashes through her before she mumbles, âOh.â
Now thereâs four more pairs of eyes witnessing why youâre making a fool out of yourself.
âGuess he found something else to do.â Still digging your own grave, you canât stop making stupid comments.
Jennie and Nayeon exchange a look youâre too busy to catch, while you make sure your empty drink is still⊠empty. Yeah, the very interesting plastic cup in your hand. Definitely the most interesting sight you can be staring at. The cheap cocktail you thought could ease out the anxiety, and now that the little effect it had left your body, all you can do is laugh at yourself.
âWho is she anyway?â You didnât even catch her name before she jumped at the chance to get Mingyu alone.
âWe presented right after her.â Your friendâs voice barely reaches you over the loud music, and on top of that, you donât really care to know much about her anyway.
âRightâŠâ
Itâs not a big deal. What else did you expect? That he wouldnât be able to keep his hands off you like the last time you were in a club together? That youâd feel him all around you again as he felt you up with everyone watching? Stupid. You got too comfortable, took him for granted, and he got tired.
âAre you okay?â Nayeon materializes by your side, her hand on your arm steering your eyes back to her.
âHe can do whatever he wants! I really donât care.â Seeing how they can always tell whatâs going on with you, of course they read through the lines.
The other two girls you came with look confused before they dare to speak up.
âWe tried telling her that he was off limits," One says as the other confesses, âWe thought you two were together.â
The girlsâ confusion only fuels yours. You really didnât want to think about it further before, just in case, but it gets you wondering. âWâwhy would you think that?â
âWe just saw you talking after you presented," The blonde one giggles before her friend adds. âYou guys looked cute!â
How did they get to that conclusion after the simplest interaction? Were you that obviously nervous? Was the prickling of your skin visible when he stood too close by your side? Itâs become the norm for you two to act this way, the invisible skinship boundary long broken.
Deep down, you know thereâs no reason to doubt him. You want to be weary of him, find one single flaw to use as an excuse to not like him, but itâs pointless. Mingyuâs never proven to be anything other than supportive. Heâs been so patient with you, the deeper feelings for him developed almost on their own. No warning.
Even before breaking up with Jungkook, Mingyu was always present. Since that first day he found you crying, he made sure you had company, made sure you didnât get too in your head and helped you have a good time. He was there for you before you even realized you needed it.
You took him for granted for too long, and now he has a pretty girl in front of him showing clear signs of attraction, all while you get scared texting him.
You've been so stupid, so blind to what you had in front of you, that now you're losing it, seeing it disappearing from your life with your own eyes.
The charged stares you've been sparing them must've made their way into Mingyuâs sixth sense, because he finally unglues his eyes from the girl and connects them with yours. You know you have no right to be jealous, you two are nothing, just two people with a very complicated relationship.
As if he knew everything going through your mind, Mingyu smirks your way. He fucking smirks. The twist of his lips cause a chain reaction from your hanging jaw down to your insides becoming a roller coaster. You barely hear your friends saying theyâre going to the restroom, choosing to stay and challenge Mingyu.
â  â  â â â  â â â  â
When he got your text inviting him out, Mingyu was sitting on the couch that had seen it all happen. Jungkook, just beside him, easily took a peek at the notification that lit up his friend's mood.
âIs that her?â
Even if theyâve resolved the bad blood between them, Mingyu couldnât help to hide the reality of his feelings from Jungkook. âYeah," He told him after replying to your text.
Mingyu could count with one hand the few times you had dared to text him first these past few weeks. Seeing your name pop up, inviting him out, was thrilling.
It's been no secret that every time Mingyu disappeared to go somewhere unannounced, he was going with you. Jungkook knew it, but it was time he encouraged it.
âDude, if you like each other, I'm not looking to get in between," Jungkook assured with his eyes back to the tv in front of them.
âIsnât it weird?â Mingyu tested the waters, checking if he was hallucinating the support.
âItâs only weird if you make it weird," Jungkook shrugged, as if it were that simple.
The situation is weird. And maybe it will always be weird.
Mingyu started making up this fantasy in his head, where, in the future, youâve finally let him in and he can love you the way you deserve. One where you can look back at the past and laugh with that blinding toothy smile of yours, with all the hurt being just a distant memory. But before you two get to that point, Mingyu will make sure nothing gets in the way of your happiness ever again. And he foolishly hopes you find it with him.
âIs she okay?â Jungkookâs question took Mingyu out of his thoughts. âIâve been thinking if I should apologize or not.â
âSheâs fine,â at that moment, Mingyu realized that maybe his best friend is better at hiding how he feels than he thought, âbut an apology wouldnât hurt.â
Having long conversations was never their strong suit, so the topic ended there, with Jungkook deep in thought and Mingyu getting up to change clothes.
Something drove him to try and be more presentable for you. The last time you two went to a club together, he almost gave up everything right then and there. Now that there are no barriers between the two of you, he wonât hold back at your advances, he wonât freeze if you dance close to him. At least that was his initial goal.
When he arrived at the club, Mingyu had to pause as soon as he saw you across the room. The smile you showed your friend after something she said illuminated the whole room, leaving nothing else in front of his eyes but you.
He greeted all your friends as politely as he could without straying his eyes off you. His hand traveled itself onto the small of your back, keeping you intoxicatingly close to him as best he could. And he didnât want to leave your side, but maybe breathing an air free of your perfume would help him think clearly, he thought.
Talking to one of the girls you were with, Mingyu partly feels bad for already forgetting her name. The overworked bartenderâs taking too long to prepare all the drinks, and he has no other choice than to entertain the girl.Â
Answering her questions gets harder and harder with the music blasting, and as she places her hand on his arm to get closer to him, Mingyu can feel the interaction being under someoneâs scrutinizing eyes.
Is this all in his head? Are you really standing with your arms crossed and the cutest frown ever on your forehead, almost killing the girl in front of him with your stare? The corner of his mouth lifts autonomously at the thought of you not liking him flirting with another person.
He hasnât seen this side of you, the jealous and slightly possessive one. And even if youâre nothing more than friends, he loves it. He loves the way you squint when you lock eyes, how you shrug when he doesnât back down. Itâs easy for him to excuse himself and walk towards you again.
At the sight of him, you turn your back on Mingyu, pretending to be dancing alone. So, he has no other choice but to stand behind you and ask in your ear. âSomething on your mind?â
Your back tenses against his chest, but you donât move away, allowing Mingyu to wrap his arms around your waist to keep you close. With your friends suddenly nowhere in sight, he interlocks your fingers while in his hold, helping you relax even if youâre still pretending to be mad.
âYou took your time.â The initially suffocating sea of people now feels protective, working like a barrier between your bodies pressed tightly together and the outside world. âHaving fun?â
âI am now," Mingyuâs lips graze the side of your face as they lit up in another smirk, growing goosebumps all across your body. âHow about you?â
Somehow, being like this doesnât feel weird. Youâve had Mingyuâs arms wrapped around you so many times now that they easily mold to your figure. There really is only one difference, one that none of you dare speak up but washes over your every interaction.
âI was thinking of going home already.â You look down at your hands tangled in one, fearing that Mingyu can notice at any time how butterflies erupt in your stomach at every word he purrs right in your ear. âNot much to do here.â
âI can take you," His choice of words halts your breath, but you remember.
Untangling Mingyuâs hands from yours, you turn around in his arms to face him, regretting instantly as soon as your eyes connect again.
âYou should stay. You looked like you were having fun.â That makes Mingyu chuckle, and an embarrassed warmness bursts inside you at the sound.
âI didnât think you were the jealous type, princess.â And you didnât think he was the type to tease you in public, but life takes you to unthinkable roads sometimes.
You scoff as an excuse to take your eyes off him for a second. âJealous, huh? Youâre funny.â
In an intent to get away from his menacingly broad body, your hands take the unconscious decision to push his chest away. But you donât have the true will to do it, or the strength. Heâs too big, too muscly for you to move, and he traps your hands against him, against the sheerest shirt ever that lets you feel every muscle tense under your touch.
âIâd like to think I can make a girl laugh sometimes.â Heâs all you can see, covering every spot in your vision with his unerasable teasing smirk.
âYeah, I saw that.â At the roll of your eyes, thereâs no denying that youâre jealous anymore. Do you really care if he knows anyway?
âOh, you did? Controlling.â
âIâm not controlling! You can do whatever you want, I wonât get in your way.â If he wants to flirt with an emotionally available girl after the infinite amount of time he waited for you, you canât stop him. Youâll take your feelings to the grave.
Something brews in Mingyuâs mind at your rebuttal. âYou wonât?â
âNo.âÂ
For the first time in forever, Mingyu willingly unclasps one of his hands from yours, âAnd if I do this?â
Mingyuâs fingers creep up your neck and get a hold of your chin, titling it up until you have no other choice but to look him in the eye. He waits for your answer, as if youâd ever say no. As soon as you nod, giving him the okay, another smirk is the only warning you get.
Your lips, meant to be pressed against his forever, part with a sigh as Mingyu's arms wrap around your waist. The world around you, with frantic music and people moving at lightspeed, fades to nothing in his embrace. You move along Mingyuâs soft lips naturally, letting your heart convey your feelings through the kiss.
The memory of that last kiss you dared give him all those days ago canât compare to this one. Thereâs no hesitation this time, no guilt restraining you from following your true desire. Nothing outside your bubble really matters as your hands travel up his chest to keep his head in place.
His hair feels soft between your fingers as you push yourselves together closer and closer. You never want anything else in life, just kissing and kissing Mingyu until your lungs give out. Itâs unfortunate that you canât.
âLet me take you home," He gasps with your lips just millimeters away.
Your stomach twists and turns with anticipation. âOkay,â barely a whisper accompanies your nod, fearing the way your voice could come out if you said more.
With his hand in yours, walking the moonlit streets in swift steps and giggles, any worries you had slip away with the wind. The feeling of his lips linger on yours every second it passes, every breath you take, every step forward until you stop at an intersection and Mingyu pulls you into him again.
The walk blends between kisses and hand squeezes to check if youâre in a dream or not. You never want to back away from his hold ever again, but as your building materializes in front of you, you're forced to take your hand off the hem of his shirt.
The elevatorâs wall hits your back as soon as the automatic doors let you in, barely giving you time to push your floorâs button before Mingyuâs over you again. His mouth takes yours with a hunger that grows every second youâre not inside your apartment. Heâs losing control, succumbing to his desires the more you show your want for him.
By some way, your tangled bodies manage to reach your door, though Mingyuâs hands refusing to stop going over your hips and waist are the challenge to overcome. Your fingers tremble trying to turn the key the right way, your nervous system focusing on the lips kissing every inch of the side of your neck he can reach and his fingers slipping underneath the fabric of your top.
As soon as you close the door behind you, the reality closes in on you. With Mingyuâs arms wrapping around your waist again, the bag you forgot you were holding dropping onto the floor with a thud, and the bright lights in your apartment making everything clear.
Mingyu notices your sudden hesitation and stands before you, worried eyes studying you, looking for any sign to tell him what's happening in your mind.
âI made you get in a fight with your best friend," Your reminder is like a dagger against the silence.
âIs that what's bothering you?â His eyes find yours and understand immediately. âWe're fine,â He tucks a stray strand of hair behind your ear, âhe actually encouraged me to come tonight.â
Your eyes widen with hope, leaning into his touch when he doesn't retrieve his hand from the side of your face. âDid you guysââ
âWe talked,â Mingyu's voice explains so softly, one wouldn't think he was just making you gasp with that same mouth on yours, âand I told him he should apologize to you.â
Standing in the middle of your entrance hallway, you feel stupid for even bringing that up. He wouldn't be here with you if he felt guilty. He wouldn't be cupping your face in his hands, making you look up to him to find the glimmer in his eyes outshining every light source in the room.
âAnd youâre sure about this?â What âthisâ means, youâre not sure either.
âI've never been more sure about anything.â Your breath hitches at his answer, your body noticeably frozen as you look for a non-existent lie in his eyes. âMaybe we should take things slow, let you figure out what you want.â
Before he can back away from your personal space, you react. âNo, no, I want this too. I want you.â
Those words coming out of your mouth combined with your hands gripping his shirt to keep him in place quickly make Mingyu regret his previous statement. You're so close, too close to him, saying you want him with your eyes dark and wide.
Mingyuâs hands stay on you, caressing the side of your face as if he was debating whether to give in and kiss you again or do the rational thing. Yours, instead, find the first button at the end of the all too well fitting shirt Mingyuâs wearing, and start unbuttoning it one by one.
âI should take you out on a real date first," Mingyu maintains with a sigh, but not stopping you in your quest.
âI personally think,â at his unmoving body, you take a step closer, with your hands against his chest not daring to sneak under the welcoming fabric, âweâre past that, donât you think?â
For a second, Mingyu thinks youâll be able to feel the rapid beating of his heart, stronger with each second your hands lay on his chest. Rationality is losing the fight against his desire.
âJust making sure this isnât a rebound situation,â Mingyu blurts, even if he doesnât really care about it for himself. Heâd take whatever you give him.
âYou arenât a rebound. This isnât a revenge plot.â You think for a second before you continue, âYou saw me cry way too many times and were there for me at my weakest. You make me feel seen, wanted, and getting to know you has made my life better in ways I couldâve never imagined.â
Your words go through Mingyu's ears and right into his bloodstream, getting warmer and warmer the closer you get. His hands go down your body, encouraging you to move forward until your chests touch.
âI needed you even before I knew what I needed.â You can sense the tears beginning to build up, but you push through. He has to know. âI know what I want now, and itâs you.â
âIf this is a dream, I never wanna wake up,â every word Mingyu says comes with a widening smile.
You chuckle, wrapping your arms around his neck with confidence, âI can assure you, it's not.â
As if you've been getting chased by your feelings all this time, putting it into words and letting it all out works, and your brain stops racing. You can finally breathe, think, see.
âSo, was that a no about the date?â As always, Mingyu manages to make you chuckle again, and it reverberates all across both your bodies. Every shiver of his, you feel, with the minimal skin to skin contact against his barely uncovered chest and the tiniest top you found to put on.
âYou can take me on a date another day. Now, I want something else.â You don't know where all this confidence is coming from, but seeing the shock in Mingyu's eyes, it only grows. âYou okay with that?â
âIâll give you anything you want.â
The space between your faces charges with electricity as you take in his words. An unconscious bite on your lower lip pulls his gaze down, egging him to close the space slowly. You almost donât register his advance, focusing on the part of his lips that were just on yours minutes ago.
Thereâs nothing more to be said, no invisible walls to tear down, only you and him and the pull between you, pushing you closer until your breaths mix. After all the obstacles you overcame, and the bumps that lead you to where you are now, thereâs no more time to waste.
When your heads meet again, your tingling lips mold against Mingyuâs for the thousandth time, worried about nothing and wanting it all. And he doesnât hold back either. His hands on your waist venture up inside your top, feeling your back tense at his touch as the fabric crumples up, leaving more of you exposed to him.
You canât hide your craving for him any longer. You follow his rhythm eagerly, making a mess of his hair between your fingers and pushing him further against you. Every touch of his makes you gasp, and he takes the opportunity to kiss down your jaw and neck. His hands and lips everywhere.
âMight as well just take this off.â Mingyuâs lips print a smirk on the sensitive skin of your neck before pulling back. You get what he means immediately as he tugs on your top, taking it off you as soon as you put your arms up.
His hands feel your chest up to his liking, getting to know the places that make you sigh into his mouth. Every touch of his fingers makes that spot light up like fire, and every sound you make encourages Mingyu more and more.
Your hands sneak under his opened shirt, feeling the firmness of his chest directly elicits a groan from Mingyu, making you shiver as you slip the fabric down his arms.
Mingyu slots between your legs effortlessly, a low moan coming from him as his hardening length grinds softly on the crevice between your limbs. His golden skin that was the star of your every dream, finally at your reach, soft and warm under the pads of your fingers.
âGyuââ Words choke up on your throat as you feel his lips wrapping around one of your nipples.
âYou're gorgeous,â His lips against your chest makes you halt your movements, mind focused solely on him, âso pretty, only for me.â
It's almost as if he was talking to himself, but you moan at every compliment, arching your back for more of him. And he loves it. Loves the way you react to the stream of thoughts that run around his brain every time he looks at you.
âFuck!â The curse leaves you both in unison when Mingyu finds his digits against your core.
âI barely even touched you and you're already ready for me?â Mingyu feels your reaction to his words first hand as a wave of arousal hits you.
âFuck you,â you gasp and he chuckles, kissing down your torso until heâs facing your core.
âI'll take care of you, don't worry, baby.â His breath fans at your wet folds, so close to where you want him but still teasing you with his fingers.
Youâre about to fight back when you feel him teasing at your opening, his eyes entranced by how ready you are for him. All the anticipation, the tension between you from the past weeks, culminating at once at this very moment.
The slickness leaking out of you from all the kissing and groping makes it easy for him to set the pace. Mingyuâs fingers stretch your insides with expertise, as if he learned every spot of yours to touch to have you squirming.
The torturously slow thrusts of his fingers drive you crazy, curling and hitting exactly where you need them before heâs pulling back. You donât hold your sounds back, your every reaction letting Mingyu know how good he makes you feel.
âThatâs it, baby,â His low voice sets fire to the blood rushing through your veins, and your walls clamp harder around his fingers.
Your knuckles turn white as you grip the sheets below you, and Mingyuâs other hand has to hold your thighs apart so you donât close them around his head.
âMingyuâshit!â His lips leave a trail of breathy kisses on your inner thigh, trying to help you relax and take him in, but ultimately turning you on further. âGyu, wait.â
âI love that youâre calling me that.â He listens and stops thrusting, leaving his fingers to fully fit inside you.
âI need you.â Youâre not embarrassed to say what you want. Not with him.
âBut you have me?â He tries to tease, but youâre ahead of him already and immediately correct yourself.
âInside.â His fingers adjust themselves inside you, almost making you forget what you were asking for. âI need you to fuck me.â
Mingyu chuckles at your neediness, but you know he wants it just as bad. His rock hard length draws your attention as he stands up and retrieves his wet digits from you, leaking and ready to split you in half.
Thereâs a second of hesitation as he looks at you splayed on the bed, as ready for him as he is for you. You recognize the train of thought going through him and stretch your arm to open the drawer below your nightstand, where you keep condoms just in case.
Itâs sinful, the sight of Mingyu rolling down the condom as his eyes rake up and down your body. When he kneels on the mattress, fitting like a glove between your legs, it takes another kiss of his on each of your spent legs for you to realize that whatâs happening is real.
Caged between both of his arms, his hands holding his weight on both sides of your head, your legs wrap around his waist and push him inside you, at last.
His length fits inside you, opening up your walls to mold to his shape as you both moan.
Your hips collide as he hits your deepest parts. âBeing inside you is gonna kill me.â You can feel the twitching of his cock deep inside you. He paused to let you get used to his size, but the last thing you want to do is wait.
âIâm gonna kill you if you donât move.â
Youâve learned teasing him works wonders, and as soon as those words leave your lips, heâs complying with what you ask of him. âWhatever my princess wants.â
Whatever thoughts you had, they fade at the drag of his length deliciously making you his with each thrust. Deep and slow, he lets you feel everything he has to give before almost pulling out.
The skin of his back becomes the victim of your scratches, your nails digging into his tense muscles with every grind of his hips. But no matter what you do, how you touch him, how loudly you moan, his pace remains at the same torturing speed.
âRelax, baby.â A hand caresses the side of your face, and you realize youâd shut your eyes closed at the feeling of him pushing inside you.
Mingyu lowers his head, flushing your chests together again as he kisses you softly, matching the pace of his thrusts with his tongue tangling with yours. He drinks every sound you make, as they are only for him, and lowers his hand down your torso until it meets your connected cores.
Your sensitive clit feels like fire under the touch of his fingers, circling around it to help you ease up the tension. âThatâs it, baby, taking me so well.â
Everywhere he reaches becomes your new favorite place for him to touch. From your lips, down to your cunt, and all the way inside you, everywhere now has his name written. Youâre his.
The pulsing of your walls around him doesnât cease, becoming quicker and harder the more he continues with the slow pace. Your insides wait for every intoxicating thrust as if starved of him, craving everything he gives you and more.
His lips move on yours, parted and unable to work, mumbling praise you donât get to hear as every one of your senses focuses on the fire inside you threatening to burst. Mingyuâs hips falter, having trouble thrusting inside you as you tighten impossibly tighter around him.
Your vision turns white as your orgasm explodes without so much as a warning. Your legs tremble around Mingyuâs pistoning hips, thrusting endlessly searching for his release.
Mingyuâs broad body falls limp on you as his length twitches, coming inside the condom with a groan while your walls hug him tight.
You lay under him happily, a smile on your face as you stare at the ceiling. He feels warm all around you, a feeling you could get used to. Mingyu canât resist it and kisses you again. Heâll take every opportunity he can get to feel your lips on his.
âWhat's on your mind?â He asks, eyes locking in to yours as he slips out from you before attacking your lips again.
You both smile in the kiss before he stands up to discard the used condom and put his boxers back on. âJust thinking where you can take me on our date.â
He turns around with a glowing smile. âYouâre thinking about that already?â
The way he lays down on your bed with you, naturally wrapping you in his arms and pulling you to him, feels like a dream come true.
âOf course, baby, I always think ahead.â You note the way he blushes when you use that nickname on him and snuggle against him.
Listening to Mingyuâs steady breathing and heartbeat under your ear, drifting to sleep has never been easier.Â
Youâve been on countless dates with him already, but you still feel nervous having him sit by your side in the booth. Still get embarrassed when he asks for a big smoothie with two straws for you both.
You donât see a future where you donât get nervous around him, but heâs always there. A future without him wouldnât be life at all. And the best thing is, Mingyu feels the same way.
âAre you sure theyâre coming?â You ask as your eyes drift to the glass door for the tenth time in the past five minutes.
âI promise they are!â Minguy takes your jaw in his fingers to make you look at him. âRemember to not say anything about the apartment. He'll as her when he's readyâ
âWhat are you talking about?â You ask, feigning cluelessness, and Mingyu chuckles before giving you a peck.
Detaching your lips is always the hardest chore. But after a few awkward instances where you let your kisses deepen in public, you both decided to control yourselves, even in a secluded booth like the one youâre currently in.
Mingyuâs eyes light up watching the street from the window youâre sitting against, and you turn around to see the people youâve been waiting for.Â
Jungkook and Cathlyn walk inside the store holding hands and with matching smiles on their faces as they greet you. How Mingyu convinced them to go out on a double date with you still astonishes you, but youâre glad everything that happened could finally be put behind you.
It was hard at first, even after Jungkook apologized to you, you didnât dare go inside their apartment for months until Mingyu moved in with you a few weeks ago.
As soon as they sit in front of you, the plan youâve been scheming starts. Your eyes lock with Mingyuâs and he instantly realizes what you're about to do, but not even his hand squeezing your thigh under the table can stop you. âSo, Jungkook, what are you going to do now that you live in the apartment alone?â
note: it's finally here!!!
thank you all for being so excited this past month and for reading this monster of a fic i somehow came up with.
if you reached the end, just know that i love you, and i'd love to hear your thoughts <3
Summary: Mingyuâs eyes canât leave you while participating in Na PDâs Game Caterers ;)
Wc: 856
Warnings: NONE!
A/n: This or may not be my 7th time rewatching đ
MASTERLIST (idol!reader au masterlist)
-
The sun is warm against your shoulders as you stand alongside your members, the bright banners of the filming set fluttering lazily in the breeze.
The whole place is buzzing. Staff running around with clipboards, cameras adjusting, idols from different groups scattered across the field in clusters of laughter and teasing.
Itâs chaotic.
Which means itâs exactly the kind of environment where you shouldnât be noticing him.
Yet somehow, you keep doing it anyway.
Your members are chatting with a few idols from another team while the production staff set up the next game.
You nod along to the conversation, smiling politely, but your attention drifts.
Across the field.
Right where Mingyu is standing with his group.
Heâs laughing at something one of his members said, tall frame bent slightly as he claps a hand over his mouth, shoulders shaking with amusement.
Even from this distance you can tell exactly how heâs laughing, wide smile, eyes crinkling.
You quickly look away.
Because right when you looked up, he was already looking at you.
Not just glancing.
Looking.
Your stomach tightens.
âAre you even listening?â one of your members nudges your shoulder.
You blink, forcing yourself back into the conversation. âHuh?â
âWe were saying if we lose the next game weâre blaming you.â
You scoff. âWhy me?â
âBecause youâre distracted.â
âIâm not.â
But the second you say it, your eyes betray you.
They flick up again.
Heâs no longer laughing now. Instead heâs leaning back slightly, arms crossed loosely over his chest as he listens to one of his members talk.
But his gaze? Itâs fixed right on you.
For a moment neither of you move.
His eyes narrow slightly, like heâs trying not to smile.
Your breath catches.
Then one of his members bumps into his shoulder and he finally looks away.
You exhale slowly, pretending to adjust the sleeve of your outfit.
God.
This is ridiculous.
Youâre both adults. Youâve interacted at events before. Thereâs nothing unusual about making eye contact.
Except, there were cameras everywhere watching everything.
~
âOkay everyone, gather up!â
PD claps his hands, calling all the idols toward the centre of the field.
You stand with your members, brushing grass from your skirt as everyone begins moving toward the filming area.
Of course, with this many people, the groups start mixing together.
And of course, you somehow end up walking right beside him.
Your shoulder nearly brushes his arm.
You pretend not to notice.
He notices.
You can tell by the slight tilt of his head.
âLong time no see,â Mingyu says casually.
His voice is low, warm, and way too close.
You glance at him.
Up close heâs even taller than you remember, dark hair slightly messy from the breeze, a lazy smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.
âWe saw each other two weeks ago,â you reply.
He hums thoughtfully.
âStill feels like a long time.â
Your heart betrays you with one quick, stupid flutter.
You cross your arms lightly. âYouâre dramatic.â
âAnd youâre avoiding looking at me.â
Your head snaps toward him.
âIâm not.â
He raises one eyebrow.
You realise, you are.
Because every time you meet his gaze, it lingers too long.
Because every time you do, something unspoken sparks between you.
The staff start organising things, shouting names and pointing at people.
Mingyu leans slightly closer to hear the instructions.
Close enough that you can smell his cologne, clean and warm.
You shift your weight, trying not to react.
âTry not to lose,â he murmurs.
You glance up at him again.
âOh? Worried about me?â
His smile widens, slow and teasing.
âNo.â
He pauses.
âIâm worried about me.â
Your brows knit together slightly.
âWhat does that mean?â
He tilts his head toward the field where everyoneâs gathering.
âIf weâre on opposite teams,â he says, voice quiet enough that only you can hear, âI might get distracted.â
Your stomach flips.
You stare at him.
Heâs completely serious.
Well, half serious.
The other half of his expression is pure mischief.
âBy what?â you challenge.
His gaze drifts over your face.
Slowly.
Then settles on your eyes again.
âYou.â
Heat creeps up your neck.
You quickly look away, pretending to watch the staff handing out props for the next game.
You can feel his gaze still on you.
Heavy.
Amused.
Like he knows exactly what heâs doing to you.
âOkay!â PD shouts. âEveryone ready?â
Cheers erupt across the field.
You step back toward your group.
Before you can fully turn away, Mingyu speaks again.
âHey.â
You glance over your shoulder.
Heâs already walking backward toward his team.
But his eyes are still locked on yours.
That same teasing smile spreading across his face.
âTry not to stare at me too much during the game,â he calls.
You scoff.
âAs if.â
He laughs softly.
But just before he turns away, he adds,
âGood luck.â
And somehow the way he says it, makes your heart beat just a little faster for the rest of the day.
Because no matter where you stand on the field, every few minutes, you look up and every single time, Mingyu is already looking at you.
summary:Â 5 weddings in one year. 5 dates you saved for you and your boyfriend to attend â before he cheated. and now, you had to force your best friend, vernon, to go with you. but after losing a bet, mingyu agrees to take vernonâs place and be your date. this wasnât how any of this was supposed to go, but you guess you could settle going with your only one-night-stand from college.
warnings: oral (f!recieving), fingering, 69ing, unprotected sex, reader on top, praise, mingyu has boyfriend dick<3, sub-ish!mingyu, also power bottom!mingyu đ, multiple sex scenes, marijuana smoking/shotgunning, marijuana-induced horniness lol, one bed trope, forced proximity, miscommunication, HEAVY mutual pining. nsfw (minors / ageless blogs dni).
word count:Â 19.9k
note:Â first things first, APOLOGIESSSSS for this taking so long. I've had a lot going on (which I know just about everyone says) and I was lowkey struggling to write this, even tho I was so amped for it. nevertheless, I'm so glad I was able to focus and finish it, because I care so much for these two and I desperately wanted to share their story with you đ per usual, please expect angst with your smut, and if you cry, I will not judge you and honestly would love to hear it lol. enjoy friends! (taglist posted at the bottom.)
in rotation: bmf, sza / mona lisa, mxmtoon / gorgeous, taylor swift / moonstruck, enhypen / finally // beautiful stranger, halsey
Your mom had told you that the friends you make in your first year of college stay with you for life, but you didnât expect that when you met Vernon. He had been shy, refusing to speak to anyone in your orientation group, but knowing glances turned into sitting next to each other, which then had you both whispering jokes back and forth, until finally, he told you his name. Hansol Chwe to be exact, but he insisted on âjust Vernon.â By the second semester of freshman year, you both had become inseparable. He was your best friend, been with you through some of the toughest moments of your adult life, and you wouldnât trade him for the world.
Vernonâs friendship survived through many of your boyfriends, and you knew heâd outlast many more. He experienced some of the worst ones â a.k.a. the men who refused to believe you two were just friends â and also the boring ones â the one guy who used you to get to him. But none of them had pissed him off more than your most current breakup: the man who was three years your senior and cheated on you with a 22-year-old. You assumed by age 27, youâd know how to pick âem, but that was clearly wrong.
Now you were left to your own devices with five weddings to attend this year. In retrospect, maybe there was a few you couldâve skipped, but you hated saying no in situations like this. You had agreed to go to all of them with your now ex-boyfriend in mind, placing a 2 on the inviteâs attending line. Per usual, Vernon had stepped up and begrudgingly offered himself to be your date.
So why were you now meeting up with Kim Mingyu to discuss the dates of said five weddings?
You first met Mingyu when Vernon joined a fraternity in sophomore year to make more friends. âI canât just have you. I need to have at least some friends that are dudes,â he said, which made you reply, âThatâs the toxic masculinity talking.â And boy, had Mingyu been the epitome of that statement. Him and Vernon had connected instantly, sharing the same major and an affinity for art girls. You had never really gotten along with him like Vernon had hoped, but he was ⊠attractive, to say the least.
Okay, maybe you had a crush on him. You had eyes.
But it was college and you both were on the cusp of 20. It was so hard to confess feelings back then, especially to someone like Kim Mingyu. Who you didnât particularly enjoy talking to in the first place. However ⊠he was probably one of the hottest men youâd ever seen; made in a lab for every young girlâs fantasy. Sometimes you couldnât help but just stare at him, admiring his perfect teeth or the way his honey-gold skin shined in the afternoon sunlight. (You thanked your lucky stars that Vernon joined the college football team alongside Mingyu, just so you could secretly ogle him during practice.)
Suffice to say, you did eventually hook up. In the most cliche way possible, you had both gotten a little too tipsy at the first frat party of senior year and wound up in Mingyuâs dorm, locking out his roommate for the entire night. It almost felt weird, realizing your attraction had been reciprocated, but he hardly said a word to you come morning. In fact, he never mentioned it again, period, choosing to avoid you except in group settings with Vernon. You werenât a fool; you were quick to realize it meant nothing to him, just another notch on his bedpost.
Mingyu was every girlâs dream, but Mingyu was also uncommitted.
And he was walking towards you right now.
You looked up from your phone after stalking â looking through Mingyuâs Instagram. You never followed him, never checked in on him after graduation, but you knew how close he still was with Vernon. He even posted a picture with him recently. You rolled your eyes. Despite his long hair, you recognized Mingyu instantly as he went up to the barista and ordered a coffee. You studied him for a moment, noticing that there was a curl to his hair and the way those dark stands hung around his eyes. His skin was as perfect as ever and â goddamn, did he get bigger? He was wearing a jacket over his t-shirt and you could still tell how big his muscles were.
When he finally looked over his shoulder and your eyes connected, his face remained unchanged, if not a little awkward. He walked up to you, rubbing at the back of his neck, and said your name as if it were a question. âYeah. Hi, Mingyu,â you replied with a wave. âItâs been a while.â
âFive years since graduation,â he added, pulling out the chair across from you and plopping down. âSo you stopped putting those blonde highlights in your hair?â
Your eye twitched. Before you could spit out a response, a cute, dark-haired barista came over and set a fresh mug of coffee in front of him, completely ignoring that your own was practically empty. Mingyu flashed her a smile, showing off his pretty canines as she walked away. You frowned.
Vernon had told you last night that Mingyu wasnât the same guy you knew in college, but you begged to differ.
Turning back to you, he took a sip from his mug and asked, âWhy did you want to meet up again?â
âBecause my best friend is an asshole and you lost a bet.â
âOh, yeah. That.â He nodded.
You almost didnât believe Vernon when he told you. You knew he didnât exactly want to be your date to all these weddings and probably felt like he had to, but he did offer so you didnât think much of it. Until he told you last week that he put all his guest invites on the line while playing a drinking game with Mingyu, which the latter lost. So now Kim Mingyu, your college one-night-stand that was scared of commitment, was committing to being your date to several weddings this year.
Kill me now, you thought.
âI thought drinking games and making silly bets like this didnât happen once your frontal lobe formed,â you said, and his dark eyes flickered up to yours.
âThatâs where youâre wrong,â he cleared his throat and set the mug down again. âMen never really grow up.â
You crossed your arms over your chest and sat back in your chair. âApparently,â you muttered under your breath. âHow do you have the time to actually commit to this? Donât you have a girlfriend or something?â
âOne,â he held up a single finger, âI take bets very seriously and Iâm not a sore loser. Itâs only removing five weekends out of the year for me. No biggie. And two,â he lifted another finger, âNo.â
You raised a brow. âWell, I guess that answers all my questions.â
Mingyu stared at you for a moment, running those two fingers over his bottom lip. You suddenly had a flashback to that night, remembering his hands all over you, remembering his fingers plunging inside and curling â
Not the time.
âDonât you have a boyfriend? Why put down two people on these RSVPs you sent back and then force just anybody to be your date?â He fought the urge to smile, trying to dig a little deeper into you. You werenât falling for it this time. âI love the guy, but I know Vernon wasnât your first choice to accompany you.â
âMy ex and I broke up,â you replied. âNot much to it.â
Intrigued, he sipped his coffee again. âWhy?â
âItâs none of your business, Mingyu.â
âWell, as your new date ââ
âDrop it,â you said, voice taking on a new tone. âIâm serious.â
Mingyu raised his hand in surrender, and you shook off your anger. This was supposed to be a friendly, quick conversation, but it was seemingly moving off the rails. A sigh escaped your mouth before you asked, âSo you said this is only taking five weekends out of the year. What do you do with your time? Are you working?â
âI thought I answered all your questions.â
You narrowed your eyes.
He chuckled softly, exposing those canines once again. His smile was so ⊠ugh, you needed to stop getting distracted. âI work at a restaurant four days a week as a cook, and then teach flag football at a rec facility the rest of the time. Iâve been trying to save up to open my own restaurant for years, but I got the time to be a makeshift wedding date.â
You knew Mingyu had always loved to cook â you remembered when heâd been the resident chef at the fraternity â but to hear he was still passionate almost ⊠melted you a little. Almost. You were dedicated to not being too swayed by Mingyuâs pretty words. This was a deal and that was the end of it.
âI see,â you nodded, uncrossing your arms to play with the handle of your still empty mug. âIâve been working at the same marketing agency since college. Pays the bills, you know?â
Mingyu gave you a knowing look before running a hand through the long strands. âAlways so committed.â
Your lips pursed. âOne of us has to be.â
âSpeaking of commitment,â he said without missing a beat, pulling his phone from the pocket of his jeans. âWhat are the dates for those weddings again?â
Save the Date for the wedding of Choi Seungcheol and Holland Levine: February 28th
It was a rainy Sunday in February. Your coworker, Choi Seungcheol, was getting married today at a local venue on the outskirts. His girlfriend, Holland â otherwise known as, Hinge Holland, when he met her on the dating app 3 years ago â was a little kooky and asked for them to be eloped that morning. Seungcheol was too in love to say no; heâd do anything she asked. They were married early morning, and lucky for you and Mingyu, all you had to attend was a reception. It was a nice way to test the waters of this deal before anything got too crazy.Â
Mingyu had picked you up in his truck, and together struggled to help lift you inside with your dress and heels on. As he drove away from the city and into a more rural area, he commented, âYour coworker must be real whipped to agree to a reception here.â
âWhat are you talking about?â You looked through your phone for the address Seungcheol had sent you months ago. âI thought the reception was at some small venue.â
Mingyu said your name, and you glanced over, seeing the smile on his face. âItâs a VFW owned by someone in his girlfriendâs family.â
You realized just how right he was when he pulled up to a spot in a VFW parking lot, seeing a crowd of Hollandâs family pour into the post. You knew what the inside of a VFW looked like; you had your sweet 16 at one. But going to a wedding reception at one was a whole different story. Were the walls so old that theyâd crumble once the DJ dared to play Dancing Queen?
Rain pounded from the sky, making the cold February wind even more chilly. Mingyu rounded the truck and opened your door, making sure to hold an umbrella above your head as you slid out of the seat. He looked ⊠okay, he looked extremely handsome in his suit, tailored exactly to his body. You were in an old, off-the-shoulder black dress with mesh sleeves that were doing nothing in this wet cold. This wedding had crept up on you, and before you knew it, you remembered you didnât have any new dresses to wear. And while it looked nice, the dress just barely zipped and you had to keep pulling up the neckline. Clearly, you had grown a bit since the last time you worn this. Probably in college.
Mingyu was staring at you now, letting his eyes wander down, and you were yanking at the neckline again. He didnât deserve to see more of your cleavage. He whispered, âYou look âŠâ
âJust come on,â you cut him off, tugging him in the direction of the VFW. He struggled to keep up for a moment, rushing to hold the umbrella above both of you.Â
As soon as you both walked inside, you realized just how dressed up you were compared to the place. The building looked like it hadnât been updated since the 1990s. There was, at least, a huge buffet-style food setup in the corner and a man so old that he probably had one foot in the grave behind the bar. A sign in front of him said, OPEN BAR, written in thick sharpie. Various family members were congregating at tables, while the DJ â who looked like a Pitbull impersonator â was setting up at the head of the room.Â
Seungcheol ran over the second he saw you meandering through tables. He had the biggest smile on his face, tugging his new wife over to introduce her to you before wiggling his eyebrows at you when he noticed Mingyu on your arm. Even Holland couldnât help but ogle him. Seungcheol was one of your closest coworkers, so it wasnât weird when he asked, âWhoâs the beefcake?â
Mingyu was too busy dealing with Hollandâs questions to hear you reply, âDonât ask. Iâve cycled through many options before I was forced to bring him.â
âIâm sure it was quite difficult for you,â he snorted, before carefully pulling his wifeâs hand off of Mingyuâs and introducing himself. Not long after, he was ushering her away to start making speeches.Â
You and Mingyu found your seat quickly, and luckily enough, you were sat with most of your coworkers. Every single one was looking at Mingyu like he was a piece of meat, but he didnât seem to notice as he had a friendly conversation with each of them. You struggled to not roll your eyes. How was he perfect with everyone? Maybe your dislike of him was irrational and unwarranted, maybe he did change. But ⊠ugh, could he fuck up for once?
Your coworker, Minghao, sat to your left, watching Mingyu converse with the young assistant â Amelia, right? â who was very clearly batting her eyes at him. Leaning towards you, Minghao whispered, âI thought you were bringing Vernon?â
Minghao was one of the few people you told about your breakup, as well as Vernon and of course, your girlfriends. It wasnât like you to go around everywhere and post on social media about your breakup; it wasnât anyoneâs business. But Minghao gave great advice, and he was one of the first people that helped you get over the heartbreak. He wasnât just a coworker. He became a trusted friend.
Turning your head, you said, âWould you believe me if I told you that he lost a bet?â
âConsidering who you ended up with,â he chuckled, âIâd say itâs a win in your favor.â
âHeâs not that great.â
âThen you might want to pull Amelia off of him before she starts sucking his face.â
The reception ended at an early hour thankfully. Most of the elderly guests were falling asleep anyway. Mingyu was a class act, per usual, trying to get you up and out of your seat to dance with him, but the last thing you wanted to do was dance to Toxic by Britney Spears in front of your boss at the marketing agency. Instead, he took the lead to asking Seungcheolâs mom to dance, and made Ameliaâs day when he asked her to join. Minghao only continued to laugh when you rejected each of Mingyuâs advances.
Once 10 PM rolled around and you both were exiting the doors of the aging VFW, you noticed the rain hadnât let up. In fact, it seemed to have gotten even worst. You had to run to Mingyuâs truck with him holding the umbrella above both of you and almost trip over your dress as you hopped up inside the cab. Assuming it would be fine to drive, just a few minutes in the rain left you both realizing that it might be extremely unsafe to drive back to the city in this weather. You really couldnât argue with Mingyu when he suggested you stay the night at a motel right down the road.Â
The woman behind the front desk at the motel was chewing so loud that you thought the wad of bubblegum between her teeth might be larger than your palm. She informed you both that the only rooms available were ones with a single queen-sized bed. As much as you desperately wanted two, youâd take what you could get. She started grabbing both of your informations to check in when a loud bolt of lightning cracked, followed by a crash of thunder. You instantly gripped Mingyuâs arm, and he paused signing his name to look down at you.
âAre you scared of thunder?â He asked playfully.
Realizing how tight you were holding on, you quickly removed your hand. âNo, Iâm ⊠itâs fine.â
His bicep felt so much harder than anticipated. All muscle.Â
Stop that.
The front desk attendant gave you an actual metal key to open your room, the number dangling from a kitschy pendant. This was the kind of motel where you needed to venture outside to get to your room, and with your arms locked together, Mingyu led you both through the pouring rain to the right building. He shoved the key in the lock, immediately opening the door and allowing you to walk inside first.
The room was smaller than expected. The heat was hardly circulating and you were still shivering. A queen-sized bed was situated in front of an old RCA TV, decorated with a comforter that looked strangely similar to the one from the 80s that your mom had given you when you first moved out. The room smelled like bleach and all you could hear was the rain on the roof. Noticing you shiver, Mingyu walked over to the thermostat and adjusted the heat.
âMaybe this was a bad idea,â you said, hugging your arms around yourself.
Mingyu pointed to the large window by the door. âI canât drive in that. It takes an hour to get back to the city and I can hardly see the road.â
âOkay, well ââ
Lightning struck again, painting the window white, and you jumped. Mingyu shook his head and walked over, closing the shades over the glass. He looked down at you, and you were acutely aware that he was the kind of person who could say everything just with his eyes. âBetter?â He asked, a smile playing at his pink lips.
He was so close that you could smell his cologne and â god dammit, you were such a sucker for men that smelled good. He smelled like violets mixed with smokey sandalwood, spicy and musky. Whatever you were going to quip back died on your tongue, leaving you to reply, âI canât sleep in my dress. I have nothing to wear to bed.â
Walking over to the tiny closet, Mingyu spotted a robe hanging up next to the vintage ironing board. He placed it in your arms and remarked, âTake a shower and put this on.â
âAre you saying I smell?â
He laughed. âNo, youâre shivering and itâll help warm you up.â
You nodded, heading off to the bathroom and shutting the door. As you slipped off your dress and let it pool onto the tile, you realized how antagonizing you were being for no reason. Mingyu had been nothing but nice to you, but you were suspecting him to switch-up at any moment. Maybe Vernon was right, or maybe you just needed to take a chill pill.
Mingyu was helping you out, after all.
After taking the warmest shower of your life and probably using all of the hot water in the motel, you walked out into the room with your robe tied firmly around your waist. The cotton smelled like mothballs and you hardly left an inch of skin showing. Granted you werenât naked underneath, but you wouldnât give him the satisfaction of seeing your underwear. Again. After five years.Â
He was wearing only a tank top and boxers while setting up a makeshift bed on the floor. You struggled to maintain focus with him looking ⊠well, like that, and eventually spoke up, âWhat are you doing?â
He hardly jumped at hearing your voice. âI figured it would just be easier if I slept on the floor. Trust me, Iâve slept in far worse places.â
âMingyu, you donât have to do that,â you sighed, pulling back the covers and tossing the mismatching throw pillows on the floor.Â
âItâs not a big deal.â
âI know, but itâs just ââ
Thunder clashed outside, sounding like pots and pans clanging together, rattling your bones.
Your eyes connected with Mingyuâs, and you pointed to the empty side of the bed. âSleep in this bed right now.â
âYes, maâam.â
You both agreed â more like, you told Mingyu and he listened â to place a wall of pillows between you two, leaving you on the edges of the bed. You curled up into yourself, your spine facing him, as Mingyu laid on his back and pinched the bridge of his nose. The rain was so loud. The thunder was deafening. You considered plugging your fingers in your ears as you slept.
Mingyu was shifting on the small sliver of mattress he had, wishing internally that he brought a joint or two with him. This bed was so uncomfortable that he probably wouldnât sleep. But hopefully, you would. Although that was seeming highly unlikely from the way your back tensed with every boom of thunder.
He watched you from the corner of his eye, and eventually, you did stop shaking. Soft snores filled the room, replacing the sound of the rain. And then Mingyu felt himself relax, swiftly falling asleep with his arm thrown above his head.
Despite the pillow wall you built, you woke up with your head on his chest.
Mingyu had wanted to tell you how beautiful you looked that day, but he couldnât find the courage to finish his sentence.
Save the Date for the wedding of Lee Chan and Adrianna Olson: April 4th
Tapping your freshly manicured nails on your bare arm, you leaned against the passenger side door of your car and huffed. You uncrossed your arms, beginning to pace outside Mingyuâs apartment building. The ceremony today started in two hours and you were about ninety minutes from the venue. Not to mention, there was only a matter of time before one of his neighbors showed up, forcibly removing you from the parking spot in front of the building you definitely did not live in. What the hell was Mingyu doing anyway? He said heâd be down ten minutes ago.Â
You tugged off your heels, realizing theyâd be a bitch to drive in, and pulled your sneakers from the back seat. Your floral, strapless sundress blew in the Spring breeze. Your curls â that looked like they couldâve been done by a toddler â whisked off your bare shoulders as you stepped into your favorite Nikes.Â
âSorry.â
Popping your head up, you halted while shoving the back door closed. You blinked, assuming your eyes were deceiving you, but there he was, sprinting down the front steps of his building with freshly chopped hair.
Mingyu was quickly walking over to shove his duffle in your backseat, pulling at his tie, when you leaned in and placed your hand on his head. Yep, that was his real hair. Those long locks that had reached his chin were gone, replaced by a hairstyle that was similar to how he looked in college.Â
âI know weâre running late,â he apologized, letting your fingers sink into the strands for a moment, âbut do you have to ââ
âThis is not about that.â You removed your hand, leveling a look at him. âYou cut your hair.â
Mingyu raised a brow. âIt was getting long.â
You paused, blinking at him. âWhy didnât you warn me of your new look?â
âI didnât think I had to?â He shrugged, genuinely confused as to why you were questioning him. âMy hair had gotten even longer since February, so I just thought Iâd freshen up for you ââ
You completely missed his words â for you, heâd freshened up for you â because you were already interrupting him. âWell, itâs just â it might look weird in pictures because my hair is up and your hair is so short. And Iâm already going to have so many people looking at us wondering why my ex, whoâs name I put on the invite, isnât here. And I just want to eliminate as much attention as possible. And, well â and ââ
Mingyu placed both hands on your shoulders. His palms were large, practically burning into your exposed skin. âAre you overthinking?â
âNo, I âŠâ
When your voice trailed off, Mingyu hesitated for a moment longer and then slid his hands off. âVernon told me that you dated the groom. Chan, right?â
Of-fucking-course, Vernon told him. Your lips pursed before you replied, âWe were friends before that, and we only dated for like a couple months in college. I introduced him to the woman heâs marrying.â
âThen why are you so nervous?â
âI think I have a lot of reasons to be nervous these days.â You continued to stare at him, waiting for him to come up with another quippy remark, but it seemed he contested and shoved his hands into the pockets of his suit. The same tailored suit he wore to the wedding in February, a few loose threads at the seams. âLetâs get going. Weâll be in the car for a while,â you said, rounding your car and hopping inside the driverâs seat.
As Mingyu dealt with finding room for his duffle in your trunk, you took this small second to text Vernon.
You: your friend is infuriating
You: also Iâm never going to forgive you for telling him that I dated chan
Vernon: youâll get over it lol
Vernon: is that the only reason why heâs infuriating?
You: HAIRCUT
Vernon: oh I probably shouldâve told you about that when I saw him last week
Vernon: sorry :/
You closed your texts when Mingyu hopped in the passenger seat, turning on your music to drown out your thoughts. The drive was long and you were lucky that you got to the venue with ten minutes to spare. You parked the car in a haste, running to your back seat and quickly tugging your heels back on. You chucked your sneakers onto the car floor, almost hitting Mingyu in the face when he went to grab his phone from the same area. Locking your car, you grabbed his arm and yanked, both of you running towards the venue attached to a pretty hotel. Mingyu, even with his long legs, was struggling to keep up. He was also slightly impressed that you could run so fast in heels, and that was definitely the only reason why he was staring at your legs. He wasnât admiring how long they looked when the wind lifted your skirt and he got a flash of your calf.
Even from your seat in the back of the ceremony, you could see Chanâs face light up as Adrianna was escorted down the aisle. She was wearing a vintage wedding dress, the veil sheer enough to see how beautiful she was underneath, and Chan was eager enough to lift it as soon as they said, âI do.â Adrianna looked like she hadnât aged a day since school, and you could probably say the same for Chan. But he did manage to finally remove the earrings he got six years ago, which made you giggle to yourself.
Mingyu pretended not to notice.
Most of the people at the wedding were old friends from undergrad, even a few Mingyu knew in passing. Every time you were approached, you prepared yourself for the same question: âWhere is He Who Will Not Be Named?â Or, for those that actually knew Mingyu: âSince when did you know Gyu?â You werenât sure how much longer you could fake a smile and laugh, pretend that your heart still wasnât sore from the breakup, rehash the same words over and over again. It was tiring; you were tired.Â
Same explanation. Same heartbreak. You wouldnât be surprised if the whole planet knew of your breakup by now. You didnât announce it anywhere, besides telling your family and close friends. It was natural for people to be curious; you had been with your ex for a couple years, enough for your family to assume that heâd propose. But then he cheated, and you found out, and you were left in pieces, tied to Kim Mingyu as your date for a full year of weddings.
You just didnât want to keep on doing this, explaining yourself ten times over, realizing that everyone was looking at you with interest. Maybe a second glass of champagne would be a good distraction âŠ
âWanna dance?â
You looked up from the rim of your empty glass. Mingyu had knocked you out of your daze, laying out a hand for you to take. The reception was lively with family and friends mingling on the dance floor, but Mingyu had still noticed you alone at the table, lost in your thoughts. Had he always been this attentive, or was he just prone to watching you?
Ignoring your internal monologue, you took his hand, allowing him to lead you to the dance floor. Just as Mingyu was about to place his hand on your waist, the song changed, switching to a more upbeat track you used to blast in college. You immediately started laughing at all the older folks trying to follow the beat, and then found Chan with his wife, shimmying on the dance floor. Mingyu pinched the bridge of his nose, but found himself beaming when he finally saw the smile grace your features. He didnât let go of your hand, let you twirl him to the song that took you back to the musty basement of a frat party.
Chan, at some point, had managed to dance over in your direction, bumping into you with a big grin. âI knew all the alumni here would love this,â he shouted over the music. âDo you remember when you puked outside a window once at some party and you said that it was this song that induced it?â
You were surprised when Mingyu said, âYes,â at the same time as you. Both you and Chan glanced at him, eyebrows raised, until he added, âThat was at one of my parties. I cleaned your vomit off the windowsill!â
The four of you erupted in laughter. Even Adrianna remembered that party, considering that was the night you drunkenly introduced her to Chan. She eventually pulled you away from Mingyu, leading you towards her group of bridesmaids so you all could dance together. But your eyes couldnât help but find Mingyuâs across the floor, and then he was looking at you, and â god dammit, staring at him felt like a crime youâd consider going to jail for.
Everyone was looking at him, but he was looking at you.Â
Actually, Mingyu couldnât seem to take his eyes off you. Not once.
He stared at you as if it was just you two, as if you were stripped bare before him, just for his eyes to see. You could tell from the way he bit his lip while smiling. He looked at you as if you were naked.
Soon enough, you were slipping through the crowd and by his side once again. He was now leaning against the wall by the open bar, nursing a scotch. The party was winding down; all the older family members had left, leaving Chan and Adrianna â plus a few other young couples â swaying to a classic Ed Sheeran song. It wouldnât be long until they ended the night with Canât Help Falling In Love by Elvis Presley. The time war nearing 11 PM.Â
Slinking beside him, he offered the glass to you and you took a sip, wincing at the burn. You stuck out your tongue. âHow can you drink that so smoothly?â
âYears of practice,â he replied, and then flicked your nose in a way that shouldnât make you blush. But you definitely did.Â
You blinked up at him, admiring how pretty he was in the faint, yellow light. Actually, he was pretty in every light, but you liked to find any excuse to admire him. Even if you denied it.
âWanna get out of here?â You asked then, digging your nails into your palms. So afraid of rejection after all these years, even though he agreed to be here. âI think the reception is going to end soon anyway.â
âYeah, sounds good.â He set his half empty glass on a random table and straightened his back before adding, âWhatever youâre comfortable with.â
God, you needed to get it together. Those words were the bare minimum, but when he said them in that slightly muffled voice, it made your nails pinch the inside of your hands harder.
You both stood on opposite sides of the elevator, dragging up, up, up to your room on the seventeenth floor. Your eyes connected. A smile played at his lips. An unspoken tension brewing between the two of you. A feeling you didnât want to be there in the first place, but something you couldnât simply ignore.Â
This couldnât be happening. Not today. Not tonight. Not ever again.
He opened the door for you, allowing you to slip inside and grab your bag. While he rifled through his duffle, you brought your bag into the bathroom and leaned against the sink. You allowed yourself a moment to just breathe. Maybe if you kept exhaling like this, you would release all the tension from your body. You knew how silly it sounded, but desperate times called for desperate measures. You stared at your reflection in the mirror, turning your face from side to side. Was it the makeup that made him look at you that way sometimes? Perhaps he still had a fondness for lipgloss, like he did back in the day.
When you finally stopped studying your appearance, you wiped off your makeup and tugged on a pair of loose pajamas. Wearing these would be so much more comfortable â and less awkward â than the robe you wore after the last wedding. You still had nightmares about that. Carefully tiptoeing out of the bathroom, you expected to find Mingyu already in one of the two full size beds, scrolling through his phone and ignoring the noise you naturally made. But he was on the deck just outside your room, smoke billowing from his mouth.Â
You stood near the unoccupied bed, balancing on the balls of your feet, as you debated your options. A smart person would go right to sleep, leave him to his business. You chewed on your bottom lip nervously.
Despite the slight warmth to the air, you threw on a hoodie, scared of the possibility of your nipples showing through the thin fabric of your t-shirt. You slid open the door and immediately closed it, preventing any smoke from getting into the room. He didnât turn; he knew exactly who was behind him. His back muscles flexed underneath his suit jacket, the joint dangling between his lips as he prayed for his lighter to work again.
âYou probably shouldnât be smoking in this suit,â you said, saddling up beside him.
He chuckled, finally taking a long drag. âI promise to get it dry cleaned before our next adventure.â
Before our next adventure. You bit the inside of your cheek.
Your eyes didnât leave the joint now sitting between two of his fingers. (Jeez, were they always that big?) He let more smoke filter from his lips and into the open air, clouding up the starry night sky. Without even looking at you, he asked, âWhy are you staring?â His words hung in the silence for a moment. âHave you ever smoked before?â
You shrugged. âOnly once or twice with Vernon. Probably as freshmen.â
âYou want me to show you how?â
Blinking at him, all you could do was dumbly nod. Mingyu laughed under his breath, fighting with his lighter again, before eventually holding the flame to the end. He then cautiously passed the joint over to you, allowing the filter to brush your lips. âTake it in your mouth,â he instructed, ânow inhale.â
When you did as he asked, you mustâve inhaled far too deeply, or just didnât exhale at the right time. Because then you were coughing, doubling over as you tried to catch your breath. âHey, hey, hey,â he said, concern etched in his tone, and patted your back as you hacked up what felt like your left lung. His voice was soft, soothing, but you could hardly hear it through the ringing in your ears.
âYeah,â you sighed, voice hoarse, âIâm definitely out of practice.â
As you stood up, his hand stayed on your shoulder, his thumb rubbing patterns. Your breath stilled as you looked up at him. Playing with the joint between his lips, he said, âLet me show you an easier way.â
âOkay,â you agreed, before your conscious could stop you.
You watched as he took a long pull from the joint, sucking it all in until you could see his eyes get a little pinker, and then moved closer to you. Instinctively, your eyes closed and your lips parted, welcoming the scent of him. His lips only lightly grazed yours as he exhaled the smoke into your mouth, letting it engulf your very being, and you felt yourself start to relax. He craned back, grinning down at you, and it took everything within you to not ask for another hit right then.Â
In the moonlight, you could see why you fell hard for Mingyu. He had only gotten more handsome since college. Light, in any form, was so kind to him, but with the stars hanging above his head ⊠it allowed his dark hair to shine, casting a slightly blueish tone to his warm features. You could see the twinkling stars reflecting in his eyes, especially when he leaned back in, expelling more smoke into your mouth.
This felt too intimate. This felt like fucking.
Once you both were so high you could do nothing but laugh, Mingyu stubbed out the joint and you stumbled back into the room. You both were finally going to have a good sleep at one of these, especially since there were two beds. Rolling into your bed, you immediately burrowed under the covers as Mingyu took off his suit in the bathroom.
The last thing you expected was to feel him plop down in your bed. He was wearing so little that it made your thighs press together, or maybe that was just the weed talking. He was disoriented, laying halfway off the edge of your bed, staring at you as if you were the Mona Lisa. You huffed, âMingyuuu. You need to get in your own bed.â
âDo you really want that though?â
His words made your eyes immediately snap open. A grin was tugging at his mouth again, his teeth sinking into that plush bottom lip. Oh, so also wanted ⊠Oh.
You tried to sound cool and nonchalant, âConsidering this is a full size bed, yeah.â
Even in the darkness, even with his back to the moonlight streaming through the glass door â his presence was making you nervous. His eyes werenât leaving yours. You felt your hand inch over, your pinky curling around his.
âIf I can be so honest with you,â he whispered, licking at the corners of his lips, âyou are so beautiful that I want to kill any guy that has done you wrong.â
You exhaled, âMingyu âŠâ
He leaned in, smiling like he knew he caught you in his trap. âYes?â
You were pretty sure that you knew Kim Mingyu by now. You knew that this would be just another night that meant nothing to him. No matter how much he âchangedâ in Vernonâs eyes, it was very clear to you that he remained uncommitted. But fuck it, your heart was still burning from the breakup, stinging from the memory of people uttering your exâs name tonight. It was only going to be a kiss. Just something to soothe the pain.
He was so much closer now, invading your space, his hand completely eclipsing yours. He smelled like marijuana and lingering cologne. âTell me to stop,â he murmured, but you didnât. You let him kiss you, and god, it would be so much easier to dislike Mingyu if he didnât kiss so well.Â
It wasnât long before his tongue was pushing into your mouth, his large body looming over yours as he pressed you into the mattress a little more. And youâre desperate for it; you couldnât stop. This was supposed to be simple â just a kiss â but you could feel yourself falling under his spell, feel how his palms burned against your skin as they dragged down your torso. He explored your mouth like it was the first time, parting your legs to make room for himself on top of you. When his lips left yours, you almost let out a whine, but he helped take off your hoodie before reattaching his mouth to your neck. Those large hands snake under your shirt â up, up, and up â until he was cupping your breasts and you can feel how hard he is against your thigh.
Mingyu looked up at you as he kissed down your torso, his spit soaking through the thin fabric of the t-shirt you were still wearing. He lifted one of your legs, adjusting it so your thigh could rest comfortably on his shoulder and â shit, you knew where this was going. Reaching the waistband of your panties, he begged, âLet me go down on you.â
You mulled over his words. âAre you sure thatâs a good idea?â
âNo,â he grinned against your skin, meeting your eyes from between your legs. âBut thatâs a tomorrow problem. Please?â His head tilted. âDo I have to beg? Iâm willing.â
You bit your tongue, egging him on a little as he nipped at the inside of your thigh. He bucked his hips once, them twice, trying to get the smallest bit of friction on his cock that was currently throbbing in his boxers. He grunted softly against your skin.Â
âAnd if I say, âNo?ââ You asked with a raised brow.
He lifted his head and pouted his lips. After all these years, he still managed the perfect puppy dog eyes that could make just about anyone weak. âDonât be mean,â he pleaded, and you couldnât help but giggle.
âYou like when Iâm mean,â you quipped, giving him permission by helping him shimmy your panties off. He adjusted your legs again, presenting you like a meal.
âI do,â he chuckled, his breath ghosting over your pretty, pink folds. âEspecially, when you act like you didnât want me here in the first place.â
Before you can rebuttal, heâs pressing his face between your thighs, dragging his tongue up your slit to collect the wetness that gathered there. Just the small amount of attention had you keening, your hips jumping for more of him, and Mingyu was happy enough to oblige. His tongue flicked at your clit as he slid one single finger inside of you, testing your limits. Those puppy dog eyes lifted from between your thighs, wanting to see you crumble, knowing that it was him who made you like this. You sighed out his name, your hand coming down to tangle in his hair. And god, if Mingyu didnât love that ⊠heâd be a dead man. He groaned when he felt you tug at the strands, beginning to swirl his tongue in a circle around your puffy clit.
You couldnât even prepare yourself when he shoved another finger inside, pumping them in and out at an unreasonably fast pace. But you were bucking into him, tears pricking at your eyes as you whimpered for him. It was too much but almost too little at the same time. You could practically feel him smile as he devoured you. The bed rattled against the wall when he ground his erection against the frame, so needy and aching. His plump lips suckled on your clit, your slick smearing over his face, but he didnât want to miss a drop of you. He needed more of you, so he started curling three fingers inside of you, teasing that sweet spot.
This wasnât your first rodeo with Mingyu. He knew what you could take.
âMingyu,â you whined, and he glanced up at you again with the most fucked-out eyes imaginable. And still, he didnât stop. âYouâre gonna ⊠Iâm gonna cum so fast.â
He moaned into you, then begged, âPlease. Need to taste you.â
He was so determined, so desperate to feel you shake and moan and cry until he was completely spent on the taste of you. And it wasnât long before he got his wish: as he shoved those three fingers into you, grazing your g-spot while lapping at you like you were his last meal on death row. You unraveled on his tongue, muffling your cries for the rest of the people sleeping on your floor. Biting into your hand, you had physically restrain your body from shaking as your orgasm rocked through you, but Mingyu held you down with a gentle hand on your stomach. He was staring at you again and you were staring at him and fuck, his half-closed eyes made him look like he was drunk on you. You could feel him smirking into your pussy as he collected every last drop of you, knowing that he did a good job. He sighed with relief when he could finally taste you again and again and again.
Once your body settled, you felt him start to tug at your shirt and kiss up your stomach. The thought of now having him inside you made your hands clench with excitement, but dear god, he just knocked the wind out of you and you werenât sure how you could last. You were spent, tired, probably could just fall asleep right now.
You werenât feeling his lips on your skin anymore, so you opened your eyes. The moonlight gave you just enough to see that, despite the raging boner he probably had, Mingyu was now snoring softly with his head resting on your hips. Brows raised, you almost couldnât believe that this was the moment he decided to fall asleep, but you couldnât deny that you had been on the verge of doing the same.Â
Untangling yourself from him, you quickly cleaned yourself up and wiped his face clean with a washcloth. You sighed, using all the brute strength you had to haul him up on what was supposed to be your bed, and wrapped the covers around him. You admired him for a moment, your hand coming up to smooth back his dark hair. Somehow, this felt even more intimate than you cumming in his mouth. So you quickly moved away and slipped under the sheets of the other bed, using his snores as white noise.
The next morning, neither of you spoke of what happened.
Mingyu had wanted to tell you that he had a crush on you the moment Vernon introduced you two all those years ago, even when you disliked him. And slowly but surely, he was starting to realize it never truly went away.
Save the Date for the wedding of Joshua Hong and Jordan Lo: June 20th
Two months passed and the spring air turned sweltering. It was on days like this when you rolled the windows down and wasted gas just to get an overpriced iced coffee that you reminisced. You were taken back to a time when you waited by the curb as Vernon appeared from football practice, and even though he was sweaty, you still always agreed to drive him back to his dorm on the other side of campus. You would watch him say goodbye to his teammates and â shit, the light would catch, and suddenly you were looking at Mingyu wipe the sweat off his face while laughing with the quarterback and â
Now you were thinking about Mingyu again.
You had been thinking about him since April.
All of this felt so silly, like stupid games young 20-somethings played. You knew it wasnât good for you in engage in â well, anything with Mingyu. He had always been perfectly uncommitted with women, and he was clearly obsessed with his work, posting his new recipes or pictures of him and his flag football team on his Instagram stories. You could handle this. You could be an adult and have a functional acquaintanceship with someone you found attractive.Â
So you kept your distance. On the off chance that Mingyu was free and asked if you wanted to get together (which was a shock in itself), you declined. Even if you wanted to. Even if you desperately wondered what would come of it. The next wedding wasnât until the end of June and you were already biting you lip at the thought of seeing him in a suit again.
The only person you could finally blabber to about this was Minghao, and in typical fashion, he laughed. Not that you expected anything less.
âYouâre overthinking the entire situation,â he said over drinks. âItâs completely normal for you to have a little fun, especially while healing from a breakup. Thatâs what being single is all about, my friend.â
He was right. Of course, he was right. But what if Mingyu rejected you yet again, like he did in college? You wanted to talk to Vernon about this. He always gave you the best advice with this stuff, but this was his friend. The last thing you wanted was to make his friendship with Mingyu weird.
You attempted to ignore him. You redownloaded some dating apps as a distraction. You deleted them just as fast.
On the morning of June 20th, your cousin, Jordan, was marrying her longtime boyfriend, Joshua Hong. You had only met Josh on a number of occasions, but considering that they had been together for almost twelve years, you trusted him enough to take care of her. You felt lucky to be chosen as a bridesmaid and youâd never make a fuss, but dear god, the dark blue of this dress clashed with just about everything. The color was so dark and the dress was clinging to just about all of you and Mingyuâs tie was the wrong shade of blue â
Damn, did he look handsome though.
Jordan had made you both get to the venue early for a rehearsal dinner, and then once the morning came, you were whisked off to hair and makeup. You had barely said a word to Mingyu, too scared to give him anything besides small talk, but you couldnât help but compliment the new suit he bought for the last few weddings. âFigured Iâd cave and invest in one that wasnât from Goodwill,â he explained, âfor you.â
For you. For you. For you.
Your heels were hurting your feet halfway through the wedding, and despite how hard you were trying to focus on Joshâs vows, you couldnât help but find Mingyuâs eyes in the crowd. He wasnât paying attention to anyone else, his stare burning into yours to let you know his intent. You swallowed hard. Would anyone notice if you hid your blush behind the bouquet in your hands? It felt like torture having him look at you like this, as if there wasnât an extravagant wedding happening around them, as if he wasnât Kim Mingyu.Â
It wasnât until the reception that you could finally get a word in with your cousin, some much needed alone time after what was surely going to be the craziest wedding you went to this year. You both parked yourself near the open bar, ignoring the guests on the dance floor that were screaming for another round of the Cha Cha Slide. Tucking a strand behind your ear, Jordan said, âI canât thank you enough for doing this for me. Jeez, I really didnât think when I was three and met you a couple weeks after you were born that weâd be here. But I wouldnât have it any other way.â
You grinned, âI wouldnât miss this for the world.â The bartender handed you a new glass of wine and you took a sip. âBesides, these days all I do is work or go to weddings. The life of being a permanent wedding guest, I supposed.â
âSpeaking of guests âŠâ Jordan turned her head slightly, ogling Mingyu from where he was standing up and trying to decline your great auntâs advances to dance. Your cousin giggled. âHe isnât the older guy I thought youâd bring.â
âCircumstances change.â You shrugged, and she gave you a look. âIâd rather not get into it.â
Jordanâs brow raised. âYou guys are having sex though, right?â
You almost choked while taking another sip of your wine. âAbsolutely not.â
âYou sure?â
âWell, I ââ You sighed, and then decided to suck down the rest of the glass in one go. Jordan whistled. âWe did at one point. Very long time ago. But heâs Vernonâs friend and ⊠itâs a long story.â
âSounds like it,â she snorted, eyes flickering around the reception until they landed somewhere behind you. âWell, if youâre not having sex with him, my friend just might tonight.â
Your expression muddled, until she pointed over your shoulder. Turning around, you found Jordanâs Maid of Honor chatting up Mingyu near the stairs that lead to the restrooms. Her hand was inching up his sleeve and he was blushing at what you could only assume was a compliment coming from her lips. He was clearly enjoying the conversation, despite the intimate looks he was giving you earlier.Â
Classic fucking Kim Mingyu, you thought.
A pang of jealousy surfaced that you couldnât control. It was probably best for everyone if you walked away and took a breather. After Joshua pulled his wife onto the dance floor, you adjusted the tight silk of your dress and headed for the bathrooms. You walked past them, your perfume wafting past Mingyuâs nostrils, a scent he would know anywhere.Â
Instead of going inside the bathroom, you decide to stand in the empty hall connected to the venue and brace your back against the cool wall. You sighed, gathering yourself, completely unaware it wasnât just you here until you heard the squeak of someone elseâs shoes.
âYou didnât have to come after me,â you remarked, and then nodded your head in the direction of the Maid of Honor now on the dance floor. âYou looked like you were having fun.â
Mingyu simply tilted his head to the side, studying you carefully.
âSheâs pretty. Donât stop on my account, but please be aware that we are sharing a room so you canât bring anyone back there.â
Mingyuâs lips slowly curved into a grin. âAre you jealous?â
You scoffed, âNo. Iâm just ⊠being realistic.â
Taking your half empty glass from your hand, he set them both down on a side table right near the womenâs restroom. Your mouth opened, but the words died as soon as he placed a hand beside your head on the wall. He was so tall that he towered over you, even in heels, leaning into your space with pretty, half-opened eyes as he stared at your glossy lips.
âCan I be realistic with you?â He didnât give you a moment to answer. âI cannot stop thinking about our last night together. I know you probably thought it happened because of the weed, but I ⊠these past two months, itâs all Iâve been thinking about. And itâs killing me that Iâve been trying to be normal this whole night when all Iâve wanted to do is drag you away and make you cum again.â
Your breath hitched slightly at his words. He leaned in then, grazing his nose over the side of your face, desperate to be in your orbit. You took your bottom lip between your teeth and tried to control your heart rate, but how was that even possible when Mingyuâs other hand was brushing up and down your side, tangled in the silk.
âWell, that âŠâ You swallowed hard. âThat wouldnât be a good idea considering all my family is here.â
He tsked under his breath. âObviously, it wouldnât be, but âŠâ You felt his nose at your jaw, inhaling the scent of your perfume again, the one that made him crazy. And he damn near groaned in your ear.Â
âMingyu, you ⊠you ââ
âFuck, how could you think Iâm looking at anyone else here when you look this good in your dress?â His voice had taken on that needy tone he always got when he was horny. It almost felt like a reward to be able to hear it again. âIâve been half-hard this entire reception just from looking at you, remembering the way you tasted âŠâ He muttered another curse.
This was how he always acted. Mingyu could be so desperate and pleading when he wanted to get someone in bed, needy to the point he would do anything just to please you, but god â you couldnât deny how much you liked it. He was reeling you in. You were like fish to bait.
Slowly, he laced your dominant hand with his and moved it from his belt buckle to his groin. You could barely breathe when you felt him harden under your touch, and then you remembered you were still in a public hallway, where just about anyone could walk by.Â
Your eyes met his half-lidded ones as he murmured, âLook what youâre doing to me.â
And god help you, because you whimpered at the sound of his voice, slick starting to gather between your thighs.
âOkay, Mingyu, just âŠâ You sighed, composing yourself because you knew he wasnât going to any time soon. Your hand slipped away from his and he huffed, his forehead falling to rest on your shoulder. âGo to our room and let me make my rounds. Iâll meet you up there.â
He stood up. For a moment, he was almost tempted to drag you into the bathroom and bury his face between your legs, too hungry to let you get away now. But one of your uncles was walking down the hall, and you separated quickly. With a nod, you walked back to the reception and said goodbye to your family that you didnât get to talk to for too long prior. Jordan gave you a look when you mentioned about going to bed early, and even Josh told you how weird you were being, but your cousin shut him up and sent you a wink.
You exhaled heavily and headed back to hotel on the other side of the venue. Slipping your heels off once you were inside the elevator, you debated if giving into Mingyu this easily was the smart thing to do. Smart? Definitely not. But would it be enjoyable? You didnât need to answer that question. Mingyu knew what he was doing.
As you unlocked the door to your hotel room, you began to wonder if you were just setting yourself up to be hurt again. He didnât come back to you like this in college, but whatâs stopping him from telling you that heâs âjust not that into youâ at the next wedding? Or what if he just thought of you as an easy hookup that would get his dick wet every 2 months? Well, you hadnât done that yet â
Yet. Yet. Yet.
The word repeated in your head like a melody, because when you threw your purse down and saw Mingyu walking out of the bathroom, fresh from a shower and dressed in only a towel around his waist, you realized that you were most definitely getting his dick wet tonight. Whether it was in your mouth or somewhere deeper, you were salivating for it.Â
He was smiling at you and you were smiling at him and Jesus, he was so goddamn handsome that you couldnât believe that he was the one desperate for you. Droplets of water trickled down his tan skin and that towel around his waist was just barely holding on. His torso was chiseled and his arms â fuck, his biceps were bigger than you remembered. He was something out of a dream â some horny, fucked-up dream that you only had after masturbating before bed.
He was on you instantly, pushing you against the wall and kissing you hard. Sighing into the kiss, your hands fist into the towel to yank him closer, but it only makes the flimsy fabric fall. You break away for a moment to mutter, âOh, shit,â but his lips canât stay away from yours for long. And heâs laughing, like you did exactly what he wanted. You were too hypnotized by the scent of his body wash to care.
Dragging his lips down your neck, he sucked at the spot that he knew made your thighs press together, grinning proudly against your skin when you moaned. His fingers gripped the soft silk of your dress, slowly pulling the fabric up to feel you that much closer. But it wasnât enough. No matter how much he liked you in this dress â and god, did he like you in this dress â he needed you out of it. Now.
Mingyu unzipped your dress with precision, setting it down on one of the two beds in the room, and both of you were suddenly wishingthere was only one. His hands smoothed down your sides, his breath hot against your mouth. He just wanted to feel you everywhere. He almost didnât want to step away, afraid youâll slip through his fingers like sand. When you two had hooked up in college, it was quick and explosive, letting out the tension that had been building for years. There was so much territory for him to cover now, so many ways for him to find out what made you whine and sigh with pleasure. But, if he were being honest, all he wanted right now was for you to â
âSit on my face,â he begged, caging you into the wall, pressing his hard cock against your stomach. So desperate for just an ounce of friction, so hungry for another taste of you. He could literally start drooling at the thought of it. He was mesmerized by you; heâd do anything you asked just to have your pussy on his tongue again.
But you seemed to be debating your options, biting you lip again, and he wished that didnât turn him on even more. You were just so pretty, and the way your face scrunched as you decided on something was a sight he couldnât help but think about when he touched himself, even all those years ago. It was just you. You.Â
Eventually, your face relaxed, and you replied, âWell, you donât have to beg me.â
Mingyuâs lips pulled into a smile, and he laughed while pulling you down onto the nearest bed. Despite his request, you continued to straddle his torso and kiss him for just a little while longer. He was needy, moaning into your mouth whenever his cock bumped against your ass, but all you wanted to feel his lips on yours, tangle your tongue with his, even if it was just for another minute.Â
You forgot Mingyu was stronger than you, though. It wasnât much longer before he was yanking your body up and turning you around so you knelt just above his face. He inhaled the scent of your pussy and almost breathed a sigh of relief, but instead muttered, âSuch a tease sometimes.â
Now that you were hovering above him, you were suddenly self conscious about how excited you were and if your arousal was seeping onto his face. You couldnât even see if he was thrilled or not, since he had turned you to face away from him, but the way his cock jumped in front of your eyes told you enough. His hands gripped your thighs tight. âI donât want to crush you,â you said nervously.
âYou could suffocate me and I wouldnât have a problem with it."
You chewed on your bottom lip. His tone was firm, probably the most serious youâd ever heard from him. But you were embarrassed and this was crazy and you still so wet. With flushed cheeks, you asked, âMingyu, are you ââ
âYes,â he answered before pulling you down onto his face.
He wasnât teasing you tonight. He was devouring you without even letting you catch your breath. His tongue swiping at your clit before he sucked on it â hard. So hard that you let you a sound that was a mixture of a yelp and a moan. Gripping you roughly, he spread you wider, drinking more of you in. Your hips moved on their own, grinding against his face, which made him groan into your pussy. The vibration in his voice spread throughout your entire body, goosebumps lining your flesh. âMingyuuu,â you whined, begging for more, and you could practically feel him smirk as he flicked at your swollen clit.Â
Leaning forward, you turned your head up and noticed again just how hard he was. His cock had always been perfect: the perfect size, dark pink at the tip, veins etched into the shaft. Precum beaded at the head, sliding down every so slowly, as he throbbed and ached and â god, his hips were almost thrusting into the air now. You didnât doubt he could get off for hours on this, but that didnât mean he needed to be unsatisfied.
Besides, you wanted something to do with your mouth anyway.
Mingyu whimpered as you shifted slightly to reach his cock. Your body stretched, your mouth at the perfect angle as you flicked the head with your tongue. He pulled you back towards his mouth, shoving his tongue inside your tight hole and making you gasp at the same time you licked a stripe up his shaft. His tongue worked you open while you swirled your own along the tip, and then finally took him into your mouth.
The grunt he released shouldâve caused an earthquake.
You bobbed your head up and down his shaft, choking when he bucked into your mouth. You could hardly breathe, taking every opportunity to inhale through your nose, but you couldnât stop. You didnât want to stop. God forbid, you have a hobby like wanting Kim Mingyuâs cock in your mouth. He took the liberty of grinding you against his face with his own hands, wrapping his lips around your clit again, eager to taste your climax. And to be honest, he wasnât sure how much longer he was going to last if you kept sucking on his tip like that. He groaned each time, feeling your tongue circle his head before going back down, taking as much as you could, as if you were rewarding him. And he just couldnât help but whine along with you.
Your lips pulled off him to kitten lick the veins along the sides of his shaft, and you breathily asked, âAre you close?â
His only response was a moan straight into your pussy.
You nodded, even if he couldnât see it, before your mouth opened like second nature. You spit on his cock and stuffed him down your throat once again. Head moving faster, you were slobbering on him like a dog in heat, trying not to gag and failing. Your free hand snaked up to cup one of his balls, and the sound he released was deafening. His tongue flicked and sucked at your clit like he had nothing left to live for, hungry for every last drop of your essence.
But then you were cumming, and he was too not long after.
You cried, choking on his cock as you came all over his face. White blurred in your vision, and you were a mess of sweat and spit and so much cum. He exploded in your mouth a moment later, hot seed running down your throat, and you consumed all of it. Neither of you wanted to miss out on the taste of each other. It was filthy, intoxicating, how much you liked this. How much you could suck him off over and over again, and not get tired of him.
You didnât know it at the time, but Mingyu would say the same about you. If not worse.
He could spend all day between your thighs and never want to leave.
When you both finally angled off each other, spent and exhausted, your breathing was heavy and off by two seconds. Mingyu was glancing over at you before you could even process, a smile playing at his swollen lips. He brushed away a strand of hair that was stuck to your sweaty forehead.
âMingyu,â you finally said, âhas anyone ever told you that you have boyfriend dick?â
Mingyu had wanted to tell you how much heâd been dreaming of that moment, how much you had haunted his dreams and left him waking up so hard that he felt he was going through puberty again. Sometimes he dreamed of how good it would feel when he finally slipped into you, inch by inch. Youâd feel like home.
Save the Date for the wedding of Lee Seokmin and Quinn Song: July 31st
You couldnât go a day without talking to Mingyu. Whether it be through text or over the phone, you were joking with him, telling him about your day, and vice versa. Just a month prior, you had tried keeping your distance, but now ⊠you simply couldnât help yourself. It was like there was a voice inside your head telling you to contact him, to send him a funny video you saw that day, to tell him about the show you were currently watching. And on nights when you had too much to drink, that voice made you text him that you missed him. He always said he missed you too.
Mingyu: Iâm watching that show you recommended
Mingyu: kinda wish you were watching it with me
Mingyu: but Iâm still content here and I can see why you like it so much
You: right?? I knew youâd like it!
You couldnât help but giggle at your phone when his texts came through. And you answered them immediately, like you always did.Â
Mingyu: what are you doing right now?
You: wouldnât you like to know
Neither of you made the effort to go on an actual date. It was all just flirty texts with a TikTok mixed in every once in a while. Promises about going back to that coffee shop someday, but never planning the day. To be honest, this was one of those moments where you were glad Mingyu was so uncommitted. If you started going on dates that didnât include a vow exchange in between, it would be so easy to fall for him again, and then be let down when he eventually didnât want to see you after wedding season.Â
Mingyu: I mean thatâs why I asked
You: Iâm hanging out with
A pillow was suddenly thrown at your head. âOw!â You shouted, head shooting up from your phone to glare at Vernon sitting on the other side of the couch. âWhat the hell was that for?â
âAnakin is literally burning alive and all you can do is look at your phone!â Vernon scoffed, turning Revenge of the Sith back on. You set your phone down on your lap as he muttered, âKinda wish I never won that bet.â
Vernon, obviously, was becoming increasingly annoyed that you and Mingyu had rekindled ⊠whatever this was. Sometimes you wondered if you were talking to Mingyu more than your best friend, but given the way Vernon was acting, that was probably the case. You probably shouldnât even be texting Mingyu while hanging out with Vernon. Bad friend move; happens to the best of us.Â
You apologized to Vernon in the best way possible: you bought him fried chicken from his favorite spot.
The wedding was being held on a pretty island in the northeast, nestled on the expansive grounds of a bed and breakfast in the area. The spot felt warm and lived in, the exact kind of place you imagined Quinn would get married at.Â
Meeting Mingyu at the airport had been awkward, but at the very least, you two were sitting in different rows of the plane. Maybe it shouldnât have been as cringe-worthy as it was, given the fact that you two had been talking nonstop, but it was the memory that the last time you did see each other in person, you were sitting on his face and his cock was so far down your throat â
Mingyu had found your eyes a couple rows behind him on the plane. Even he was blushing now, as if he could read your thoughts.
You had rented a car once you reached your destination and threw him the keys, letting him drive the convertible down the coast while the summer breeze whipped through your hair. You tried not to notice the way his hand twitched on the gear shift, like he was itching to place his palm on your thigh, to ground himself to your presence. But he didnât. He couldnât. Especially when all you could do was stare out the window with a big smile on your face.
Unfortunately, you had to book a room at a small hotel near the bed and breakfast since all the rooms were used for the wedding party. The hotel was quaint, but definitely old and smelled like the Febreze scent your mom used to love when you were a kid. Your room was tinier than the pictures implied, but it was on the first floor and had a screen door that opened to a pretty view of the ocean. You didnât have much time to enjoy it though, considering that the ceremony was in a few hours and the reception would probably carry on until way past midnight.
You decided to rewear the floral sundress that made a previous appearance at Chan and Adriannaâs wedding. It wasnât like anyone here was at that event, and honestly, you didnât care. Throwing your hair up into a perfectly messy updo, you curled a few pieces and took your time with your diligent makeup routine. Mingyu was in his suit before you could even blink, biding his time while you got ready by watching past game recordings of the flag football team he taught and trying to identify key moves they missed out on. As you finished up and clumsily slipped on your shoes, the perfume you sprayed seemed to beckon him like a siren song, and suddenly, he was leaning against the doorframe of the bathroom, meeting your eyes in the mirror.
Your brows shot up. âDone with your flag football research?â
âYouâre beautiful,â he replied.
You turned, unable to stop your lips from pulling into a soft smile. His expression was so warm, cheeks tinged slightly pink either from embarrassment or a nasty sunburn. He was beautiful. In ways you couldnât even comprehend.Â
Holding out your necklace to him, you asked, âCan you help me put this on?â
He nodded, plucking the dainty chain from your palm. You moved back to the mirror as he struggled to open the clasp with his thick fingers, but he got it eventually. Placing the thin, gold chain around your neck, you watched the small, star-shaped pendant sit so delicately under your collarbones. He fixed the clasp on your neck, his fingers brushing the top of your spine, and you watched him lean forward in the mirror.
His lips ghosted over the shell of your ear, breath hot and making the hairs on your neck stand up. âI meant it, by the way,â he whispered, and then placed the softest of kisses behind your ear.Â
Your breath hitched, and you were unable to form a single coherent thought. For the first time in a while, he was catching you by surprise. He was moving back, and you noticed him smirk in the mirror, knowing exactly how he was affecting you. That annoying asshole â
âReady to head out?â He asked, grabbing his wallet from the desk.
You huffed and tugged the strap of your purse onto your shoulder. âOf course.â
The grounds of the bed and breakfast were bigger than you assumed, enough to fit an extremely large tent and hardwood floor for all the guests to congregate. The ceremony was held near the shoreline of the ocean, and it was so, unapologetically Quinn to have a few seashell pins in her veil as she walked towards her husband. You had known Seokmin as long as Quinn had been your roommate, but you had never seen this kind of smile on his face until now. He completely lit up at the sight of her, and he didnât waste a second to say, âI do,â once his time came.
As the guests crowded into the tent for the reception, Mingyu seemed to hold onto you like a toddler with itâs parent. His arm was locked around yours, letting you lead him through the crowd, even though he was tall enough to see over the tops of everyoneâs heads. His palm was so warm on your wrist, and then his fingers were so easily lacing through yours, and you squeezed because you simply couldnât help yourself.Â
You were able to find your table easily, but you didnât recognize the other people already there. They introduced themselves as Seokminâs friends, and you remembered seeing one or two of them at a bar. You still couldnât get a read on these people, and found yourself swiftly growing silent around their shared camaraderie. But Mingyu was suddenly so talkative, catching along with their jokes just as quickly, so you stood and whispered in his ear, âDo you want a drink?â
He leaned back to meet your eyes, and you swore time stopped for a moment. His hand reached down, squeezing your wrist, as he said, âYou know what I like.â
Jesus. Fuck. Since whendid he have you this wrapped around his finger?
(Probably since sophomore year of college.)
You nodded, swinging your head in the direction of the bar, and your feet had started to head there when you halted in place. It almost felt like your heels were glued to the floor as you found the face of the last person you expected to be here. The only face that could make all the noise drown out around you.
Your ex.
He still had that same curl that always got in his eyes. He was wearing the same suit he wore to your motherâs engagement party last year. The same watch on his wrist; the same cufflinks. Same. Same. Same. And now, he was meeting your eyes across the room. Bodies formed in clusters under the tent â some hugging, some stumbling into each other â but he was unable to look away.
Until a head popped up in front of him, standing from her chair at the table. Her wedge sandals almost made her taller than him, and her dress looked expensive enough that he probably bought it. You didnât know her, but you knew of her. Well, at least, you knew what the back of her head looked like, and that was her right there.Â
You couldnât forget the night even if you tried. Exhaustion had your shoulders sagging as you unlocked the door to your boyfriendâs apartment. He didnât typically keep it locked, but you had a key anyway. You remembered how quiet the place was, except for the soft sounds echoing from his bedroom. At first, you thought he was just masturbating, and to be honest, you were too tired to engage in anything tonight. But a voice in your head had urged you to move, to go, go, go towards his room. And you were slowly pushing open the door, only to find your boyfriend fucking your 22-year-old neighbor from behind, yanking on her short hair like a leash. You had been too scared to move, too scared to breathe, but eventually, you had started wailing. His eyes had found yours â exactly like in this moment â and he screamed, slipping away completely as your back slid to the floor. He had tried explaining, tried to yell at the young girl, but everything had drowned away in that moment, and all you could hear was the ringing in your ears â
Your breathing was growing rapid, just like that day at his apartment. Sprinting to the inside of the bed and breakfast, you tried to act normal and say hello to whoever you knew mingling by the bathroom. But something was clearly very wrong. It was evident in your eyes, the way tears were pricking at the sides. You almost thought the universe was pulling a cruel prank on you, but then you remembered that it was Quinn who had introduced you two in the first place, that he had been a friend of a friend.Â
Climbing up the staircase in the lobby, you plopped yourself down on the middle step and let your face fall into your hands. You began to count your breaths â one, two, three, one, two, three â anything to make you get a semblance of control. But you could feel your brain spinning, and your heart was beating too fast. Was this what it felt like to die? Was your cheating ex going to be the last face you saw before you completely slumped against this staircase? Vernon always said you had a flair for the dramatic. What a fitting way to end.
You felt a weight sink into the plush carpet next to you, and you lifted your head, tears brimming your eyes.
âYou do realize that this isnât your party. You canât cry if you want to,â Mingyu joked, reaching out and swiping the tear at your lash line. His eyes softened then, looking at you like you were something fragile, like a baby bird. âWhatâs wrong?â His voice was hardly about a whisper.
You sniffled, dabbing at the corners of your eyes with your knuckles. The last thing you needed was your makeup messed up. âThis is so embarrassing. Iâm crying over something so âŠâ Your words trailed off, noticing that he was leveling a look at you. You sighed before admitting, âI forgot that the bride, Quinn, might invite my ex because they were friends. Somewhat.â
âYour ex? As in that ex?â His brow shot up, and you nodded. âDid he come alone?â
You looked down at your hands in your lap, and after a moment, you watched his large palm slowly envelope one of yours. The rough pads of his fingers â the hands of a cook â brushed over your knuckles, and his touch was so warm that it could burn.Â
His voice was soft in your ear as he said, âYou donât have to talk about it if you donât want to.â
You chuckled a little, turning to look at him again. âThen weâd be sitting on this staircase forever.â
He smiled at you and stretched out his long legs. âThatâs fine with me.â
Your lips pursed, and you found him staring at them for a moment. A sigh escaped, and you glanced down at your laced hands. How perfectly they fit together, how he held you with such a fierce softness. His thumb grazed the scar on your knuckle that you got the first time you fell off your bike. Finally, you answered, âHe came here with the girl he cheated on me with.â
Mingyu didnât speak, but you did hear him do a sharp intake.
âSheâs twenty-two. She didnât â she doesnât know any better. Heâs in his early thirties and heâll do it again,â you continued, chewing on your bottom lip for a moment. âI found them in his apartment after I came home from a late meeting at work. It was ⊠messy. Walking in on them, the fallout, now this ⊠everything about that breakup has felt like one big mess. And now, I have to see him here and be reminded of it allâfuckingâover again.â
You didnât even dare to meet his eyes as the next words tumbled out of your mouth, already feeling your voice start to break again. âIt didnât just hurt because I found them. It hurt because ⊠I never wanted to become my mother. I love her. I really do. But the last thing I ever wanted was to become her. Be in the same situation as her. And yet, there I was, witnessing yet another infidelity that would affect my life for what seems like forever.â You rubbed at your running nose. âI found my father cheating too. It wasnât exactly the same. I found him kissing my best friendâs mom in my parentâs bedroom one night when my mother stayed at work too late. The sentiment still stands, and history was always bound to repeat itself. Daughters always become their mothers and I always have to bear witness to another man not choosing to stick around ââ
Mingyu stopped you by turning your face towards his, one hand cupping your cheek. His thumb skimmed the tears running through your blush. He didnât say anything; his eyes let you know that he was here. That he was sticking around. Despite everything you thought of him, despite your past â Mingyu was here.Â
He held you for as long as you needed, gathering you in his arms and cradling your head against his shoulder. He let your tears soak into the fabric of his expensive suit, promising heâd get it dry-cleaned, which made you laugh. Your fingers clutched his lapels and you almost considered not letting go. You would give anything to stay in this bubble, to sit on this staircase in his embrace forever.
âI meant what I said all those months ago,â he said, his voice muffled from his lips at the crown of your head. âI would kill any guy that has done you wrong. Do you want me to kill him?â
You chuckled and raised your head from his shoulder. âWhat are you gonna kill him with? A butter knife?â You shook your head. âNo chef is gonna let you in that kitchen tonight to grab a weapon. You of all people should know that.â
Mingyu grimaced. âThis conversation is getting morbid.â
Another laugh bubbled at your lips. âYou brought it up!â
âAnd youâre smiling again,â he said, making your hands hold onto him tighter. âThatâs all I could ask for.â
Such simple words could take your breath away, especially when they came from his mouth. You searched his eyes for a moment, your fingers now smoothing out the creases in his lapel. Eventually, you whispered, âI donât know if I can survive this whole reception. I hate the awkward tension, but I should stay for Quinn.â
âTrust me, I know,â he snickered, and his hand covered over yours as an anchor. âI say we stay at the reception for as long as your comfortable. Then we go to bed early. Whatever works for you.â
Your smile was so kind as you nodded along with his plan. After touching up your makeup, you took his hand and let him lead you back to the reception. Once you saw Quinn in her short, after party dress and looking at Seokmin with stars in her eyes, you instantly felt more at ease. This was her day; you wouldnât let one person sour it. And Mingyu, clearly, wasnât going to let your own nerves sour it either. Anytime you locked eyes with your ex, there Mingyu was, distracting you by whispering in your ear how pretty you looked or asking you about your best memories while living with Quinn. There was one moment where you saw your ex heading in your direction, assuming he was finally going to talk to you, and Mingyu stood up to whisk you onto the dance floor. His large arms enveloped you, holding you close, as you swayed to one of your favorite songs. Everything about him felt safe, secure, and he even let you stand on his feet when you told him you had never been that good at dancing. And when you looked at him, you noticed that he was staring at you like how Quinn looked at Seokmin during her speech. Even when you had cried, had let him in, see parts of you that not even Vernon touched ⊠he looked at you like you were the only person in the room.
You stayed at the reception far longer than anticipated. When you told Mingyu that you were too tired to stay any longer, he didnât question it. He simply grabbed your purse and jacket before taking your arm in his, walking the short distance back to your Febreze-ridden hotel. The first thing you did once you were back in your room was take off your heels. They were only a kitten heel, but your feet were already blistering, and you winced as you went to the bathroom to wash off your makeup. Mingyu had set your stuff down on the small desk before walking out onto the deck connected to your room. You craned your neck out, assuming he was going to smoke a joint, but he was just staring at the ocean, noticing how loud the waves crashed against the shore.
You padded out of the bathroom and leaned against the door frame for a moment, admiring him in the dim light. It almost left in you in disbelief how you had roped Kim Mingyu, one of the most attractive men youâd ever met and probably one of the longest crushes youâd ever had in your life, into being your wedding date for an entire year. He had a lost a bet, but he really didnât have to be here. He didnât have to invest in a new suit. He didnât have take the time off from his two jobs. He didnât have to listen to your trauma, or look at you like you were this painting to be worshipped, this Mona Lisa of sorts. Mingyu couldâve said no.Â
But he didnât.Â
âIâm going to take a shower,â you finally informed him, and he turned to meet you eyes. âCan you help me out of my dress?â
He nodded diligently, following you to the bathroom. You pulled your hair up with one hand, and with deft fingers, he slid the zipper down your back. Typically, you would hold the dress to your chest until he left the bathroom, out of respect, but you were letting it pool at your feet tonight. You stepped out of it, your gaze locking with his as you turned on the shower. You were giving him this look and he was still standing there in his half-buttoned dress shirt, hands forming into fists as he fought the urge touch you. Waiting for a sign. Waiting for your permission.
But you didnât even have to say anything. Your eyes said the words for you. As you climbed into the standing shower, he took his time removing his suit, pretending as if he wasnât fucking dying to have his hands on you, and then he was behind you, the hard panes of his chest flush against your back. He closed the shower door as the glass began to fog up.
The water was scalding as it rained down on your head, steam forming around the small bathroom. You could still feel the dried tears on your face, imprinted underneath your makeup all night, and you did your best to wash them away. Mingyu noticed the way your shoulders sagged, the way you sighed while you were lost in thought, and as much as wanted touch you in places that made those sweet sounds fall from your lips, he held himself back. Instead, he let his hands comb through your wet hair before scrubbing shampoo into the strands. You relaxed against him, closing your eyes as he washed your hair.
It was so domestic that you could cry.Â
(Again.)
The last person you ever thought could be capable of this kind of care was Mingyu. You both had known each other for eight years, and not once had he displayed this kind of person around you. Or maybe you just werenât paying attention, too lost in your own perception of him. Even now, you couldnât help but remind yourself of when he avoided you after the hookup in senior year. He really isnât the same guy, Vernonâs voice echoed in your head. Give him a chance. You had never trusted those words, but in this moment ⊠you realized where you had went wrong.
The water began to get cold when it came time to wash his own hair and you could tell he was struggling to rush. His mannerisms made you giggle, and even though the steam began to dissipate from the room, you still turned to his front and rested your forehead on his chest, letting the lukewarm water beat down your neck.
When you walked out of the shower, you had never felt more fresh and at ease. Your body was all warm and you had brought the comfiest pajamas for summer weather. The breeze wafting off the ocean blew through your room from the open screen door, and the sound of the waves crashing against the shore could lull you to sleep.
But right now, it seemed like neither of you were keen on the subject. As you slipped under the covers next to each other, you were grateful that there was only one bed: one large, king-sized bed that both of you could be using to spread out. Instead, you were huddled close, hair still wet from the shower, and his arms locked around you like he couldnât bear the thought of letting you go. Your hands cupped his face, studying parts of him that you didnât think of in your previous lust-induced hazes. Fingers traced his lips, brushed over the tip of his nose â where his tiny mole was stamped â before you skimmed the shell of his ear.
You almost didnât recognize your own voice as you whispered, âThank you for tonight.â
âAnytime,â he smiled.
A beat of silence. Hands stilled. Lips pursed.
âMingyu?â
âYeah?â
âPlease, kiss me.â
His mouth was on yours before you could even finish the sentence, but he still took his time exploring new ways to make you moan into the kiss. He kept one hand splayed on your back, pressing you further into him, while the other played with the hem of your loose t-shirt. Your hands knotted into his hair as he kissed you slow, savoring you like a fine meal. And you simply let him. You were like molten lava, melting in the palm of his calloused hands.Â
You felt his fingers prod at the waistband of your shorts, and it was game over. Slipping them under, he practically whined into your mouth when he realized you hadnât put any panties on after the shower. His mouth disconnected from yours, fingers sliding between your slick folds. âAre you trying to kill me?â He breathed against your lips.
âIn my defense,â you chuckled softly, âI forgot to bring them to the bathroom.â
He laughed with you, and you were debating on crying again because he was so kind and good and definitely just as obsessed with you as you were with him. No matter how many times you didnât want to admit it, you had somehow fallen into Kim Mingyuâs trap once again.Â
He kissed you again, hungrier this time, as he spread you open with his fingers. You whimpered, but he swallowed it with his tongue and began to rub tight circles on your clit. Your leg lifted, hooking onto his waist, and you bucked against his hand. Your body felt like it was on fire, but Mingyu was careful, plucking your strings like a guitar, and you needed moremoremore. Pushing two fingers inside of you, his kiss was like a sound barrier as he consumed all your sweet sounds, as if that would allow him to hear them forever.Â
It was only when you came apart that he dragged his lips to your neck, wanting to focus on your moans as he fucked you with his fingers. He felt you shake, your pussy squeezing his thick fingers, and he kept rubbing your clit through it, wanting to prolong your orgasm as much as possible. If not for you, then for him, just so he could hear you. He would make you cum as many times as you wanted if it meant he could hear his name falling from your lips.Â
Neither of you wanted to stop; all fumbling hands and shaky limbs as he finally tugged your shorts off. It was a lot more difficult to take off his boxers without separating from you, but you laughed and you were so pretty that he almost forgot what he was doing in the first place. Once he was situated, you rolled on top of him, straddling his lap. You held his face in your hands, and for a moment, you could almost see reflections of the dark ocean outside in his starry gaze. Your palms drifted down, fingertips tracing the hard panes of his chest. He was all muscle, sculpted like your very own David statue; his complexion so similar to golden hour personified.
You lifted your t-shirt off and tossed it onto the floor. Mingyu was already so hard that it hurt, but he took a few more seconds to stare at you. He wanted to remember this moment forever: the sight of you on top of him, naked and vulnerable, hair wet and a faint blush on your cheeks.
Sitting up on your knees, you positioned yourself right over his cock and gripped the shaft to get the perfect angle inside of you. You were looking at him and he was looking at you as you lowered yourself slightly, grazing his tip against your wet slit, still dripping from your previous orgasm. Mingyu groaned at the sensitivity, throwing his head back against the pillow and muttering, âThis is so mean.â
âYou like when Iâm mean,â you giggled, repeating the same words you uttered that fateful night after Chanâs wedding, when Mingyuâs face was buried between your thighs.
And Mingyu recognized it too, a grin making itâs way to his lips. But that was soon replaced by look of complete bliss as you finally sunk down onto his cock. He was the perfect size, filling you just right but never uncomfortable. He gave you a moment to adjust, but you could tell from his white-knuckled grip on your hips that he was damn near fighting the urge to thrust up into you. He didnât though. He was patient and perfect and all yours.
You anchored yourself to him with one hand on his shoulder, beginning to rock into him at a snailâs pace. Your eyes connected, and even as he moaned underneath you, he was unable to stop smiling. Mingyu let you set the pace, and you took your time, getting to know what speed had him pulling your hips harder. The angle had him buried so deep inside that you could practically feel him in your stomach, and you sighed each time as you moved against him.Â
âFuck,â he whined, shifting to sit up against the headboard. âIâve needed you so bad.â
âI know, I know,â you confessed in a breathy whimper. âMe too.â
He was digging his fingers into your hips so hard that you were sure thereâd be marks, but you didnât care right now. You just wanted him, wanted this. Wanted to be this connected to him and feel him this deep and cum together as the waves crashed against the shore outside. He began to move you on his own accord, bouncing you on his cock as he leaned forward to nip and suck at your neck. âSo pretty,â he mused against your skin, breath stuttering as your walls tightened. âSo pretty sitting on my cock.â
You were the one whining now, raking your fingers into his dark strands as your thigh muscles burned. Your breasts jumped with each slam of his hips against yours, and he planted hot, open-mouthed kisses down your throat, dipping his tongue into your collarbone, before latching his mouth around one of your nipples.
Your hands pulled at his hair. âMingyu, please,â you cooed, not exactly sure what you were begging for. Just moremoremore.Â
His eyes lifted to yours and you watched him fucking smile while tugging at your nipple. You were melting like putty, and he was able to still move you with one hand, using his free one to cup your other breast and run his thumb over that nipple. Tears pricked at your eyes, feeling him pulse inside you with each pass. And when he started to thrust up into you, you were pretty sure that you were close to seeing stars.
âWanna cum with you,â he rasped while switching breasts and flicking his tongue over your other nipple. âPlease, wanna cum inside you.â
You nodded, too cock drunk to say anything besides, âYesyesyes.â
He was rolling your hips now, practically rutting into you as he lifted his head from your chest, leaving a trail of spit. You leaned down and let his lips ghost over yours. Moans slipped from your mouth into his, and he was bouncing you on his cock so fast you almost couldnât register to breathe. His breath was hot against your lips, so close he could feel his body shaking, but he needed you to be closer, needed to feel you tightened around him and milk him for everything he was worth.
Snaking a hand between your bodies, he found your clit easily, knowing your body better than anyone ever had. All you could hear in that moment was the sound of the ocean through your screen door and skin slapping against skin. You were so wet and warm and â shit, you were starting to clench around him. He rolled your clit between two fingers, and a whimper slipped out of his mouth when he felt your pussy clamp around his throbbing cock.
He needed to cum and so did you and â fuck, he could feel it, feel you, feel how deep he was inside.
He would do this forever if you asked.
âFuck, Mingyu, oh my god, right there, right there ââ You pleaded in his ear, feeling yourself tip right over that edge â
Then you were cumming.
And so was he.
You moaned his name like it was a prayer, shattering as you came undone. Your walls were squeezing him like a vice, and he was unable to hold himself back anymore, burying himself to the hilt before painting your insides white with his orgasm. Hips jerked, bodies went taunt. You felt your whole being dissolve into nothing but pleasure, molding yourself to him in his arms. When the rush of warmth started to fade and he felt your combined releases seep from between your thighs, he breathed out a sigh of relief, brushing kisses over your jaw.
You werenât sure you were in your right mind. Everything was so hazy. But you didnât want to move away just yet. Even when his cock started to go soft inside of you, you stayed connected to him, pushing his hair back from his forehead and whispering praises in his ear like, âYou were so good ⊠So good to me ⊠My Mingyu ⊠Iâve always been yours âŠâ You could feel him smiling against your skin, his hands tracing circles on your lower back.
But as time seemed to stop and you felt peace for the first time in a while, you realized just how deep you had fallen. You were drowning in him.
Mingyu had wanted to tell you that it felt exactly like his dreams. If you were drowning in him, he had already sunk to the bottom a long time ago.
Save the Date for the wedding of Nathan Chaney and Your Mother: September 5th
Your mother was remarrying. Her and Nathan had been together since you went off to college, and then got engaged just a year after you graduated. They decided on a long engagement, choosing to plan out a destination wedding in the Caribbean. You thought it was crazy at first, but then your mother said, âIf this is going to be my last wedding â and it is â I want to go out with a bang.â You couldnât exactly blame her. After your dad had cheated and the divorce was finalized, you knew your mother deserved something like this. She deserved the world.
When she had called you just a week before the wedding, babbling on about who you were possibly bringing now that your ex was completely out of the picture, you paused. Holding the phone to your ear and watering one of your half-dead plants with the other, you said, âIâm ⊠Iâm going with Mingyu.â
âVernon?â She asked, not believing what you said.
âMingyu.â
âLike ⊠the Mingyu from university? The football player?â
You sighed, playing with the dead leaves on the plant. âHe was also â and still is â one of Vernonâs good friends.â
âOh,â your mother said, more surprised than anything. âWell, you better watch for Nathanâs sister. If Mingyu looks anything like how I remember from Family Day, she will go buck wild over him.â
âIâll make sure of it,â you chuckled.
The truth was ⊠you werenât exactly sure how this wedding was going to go. Ever since the last one, you had been progressively putting more distance between you and Mingyu. Once again. Your last night together had been so real ⊠too real, and you wanted to save yourself from the heartbreak after this wedding when you never saw him again. As much as you hated to admit it, feelings were now involved, seeping into your bloodstream, until your heart thrummed like the sound of his name on your tongue.Â
Slowly pushing him away ⊠it hurt, but it was better this way. Pain was temporary and so was your arrangement. You knew that going into it, so how did you end up in this mess? You remembered what had happened after Chanâs wedding, the way Mingyu looked at you as he was shotgunning smoke into your mouth and â yeah, you knew exactly how you ended up here.
If you kept telling yourself this was for the better, maybe youâd start believing it. Maybe your feelings would drift like smoke and your motherâs wedding would be a final farewell before you two went your separate ways.
But you had been doing that for a month now.
And those feelings refused to fade.
You had an early morning flight the day of your motherâs wedding. Typically, you wouldnât be getting to a destination wedding on such short notice, but the ceremony was small. So small your mother refused to have a rehearsal dinner and no bridal party. It was about her and Nathan, and you had to respect that she was doing things her way this time around.
You had waited at your gate right before doors closed for Mingyu, since you were on the same flight. But he was clearly running late and you were much too awkward around him now to text him. So you finally got on the plane and found your seat, noticing the one seat in the back still left unoccupied. Once you had landed five hours later, you quickly headed to the hotel that Nathan had booked for the ceremony and reception. Your phone lit up as you hailed a ride.
Mingyu: Iâm sorry, I got a new flightÂ
Mingyu: Iâll be there just 2 hours after you land
Mingyu: Iâll make it for the ceremony. I promise
Feeling his anxiety radiate through your phone, you believed him, and then wondered if maybe this was a blessing in disguise. You were rewarded a few more hours of alone time before you had your last hurrah with Mingyu. Maybe if you buried your feelings deep enough, you wouldnât tense up the second you saw his face. Maybe if you didnât look into his eyes, you wouldnât have the urge to kiss him. Or let him hold your hand. Or spread your legs to welcome him inside â
You dropped your lipgloss onto the bathroom counter, sick of your own thoughts. Your square-neck, baby blue dress was clinging to every curve, but you felt like you were being suffocated by the fabric. You had just finished doing your hair and makeup, but you couldnât quite keep your thoughts at bay. Nerves batted against your skull, making your hands shake slightly. What would you do once Mingyu walked in? Would you avoid his stare? Would you tell him immediately how much you liked him and how this wouldnât work out and you knew you set yourself up for heartbreak â
Maybe you needed a walk.
Grabbing a spare pair of sandals, you headed outside to walk the beach just along the grounds of the hotel. There was still an hour before the ceremony, and you could just see the planners putting finishing touches on the decorations laid out on the shore, where your mother wanted it to take place. Couples were still walking through the water. Kids were making sand castles. The sun was slowly beginning to set and the breeze was whipping your hair off your shoulders.
And you smiled, despite everything you were feeling. Because where there was an end, there would always be a new beginning.
âHEY!â
You spun around, your sandals sinking into the sand. Although you recognized his voice, the last thing you expected to see was Kim Mingyu running towards you in his pristine black tux, his tie loose around his neck and blowing in the breeze. It was like something out of a movie, the kind of movie where there was supposed to be a happy ending, but you knew you werenât afforded luck like that in real life.
He stopped in front of you, running a hand through his hair. Sand sprinkled down the tops of his shoes.
âWhen did you get here?â You raised a brow.
âAbout twenty minutes ago. I flew in my tux because I figured I wouldnât have enough time to change. But now it just kind of smells like âŠâ He lifted the sleeve to his nose and inhaled. âLike peanuts and old plastic.â
You giggled, holding a hand to your mouth and just ⊠staring at him. He was smiling at you, fangs poking out from under his top lip. His skin was even prettier in the sunset. His hair, despite the messy texture, was effortless and perfect. He embodied sunshine in its purest form.
âWell, you âŠâ You looked to the water, your hands flexing at your sides. âYou didnât need to come find me out here.â
His voice was sweet, soft, like fresh sheets, when he replied, âYes, I did.â His hand reached out a little, attempting to lace your fingers together, but he stuffed them in his pockets instead. âWhen I was wondering where youâd be, I remembered something you said to me in college ⊠Do you remember Move-In Day of junior year when we had that bonfire with Vernon and a few other people? You really didnât enjoy my company back then, but I sat next to you because you agreed to sharing that god awful cheap vodka we used to like.â He laughed when you grimaced. âWe got to talking and I asked you, âIf you could be anywhere right now, where would you be?â And you said something like, âI want to be walking on a beach. Iâve always felt the most calm with my toes in wet sand.ââ
You blinked, wondering if you had heard him right. He ⊠how did he ⊠âYou remember that?â
âI remember a lot of things.â
And there he was, reaching out again and brave enough to brush his fingers over your knuckles. You looked down, watching his hand interlock with yours, and his palms were balmy and calloused. They felt familiar, like home. And you simply couldnât believe that you had deprived yourself of this.
âDid you mean it when you said, âIâve always been yours?ââ
Your head snapped up, tsking under your breath. Hand still intertwined with his, you pushed a lock of hair behind your ear. âYou came all the way out here to ask me that?â You asked, flustered and agitated.
His brow shot up. âSo thatâs a yes then?âÂ
Your mouth opened, but then closed when you realized that he caught you.Â
He added, his voice like velvet again, âThen why are you avoiding me? I can sense it.â
âWell, if youâre that sensitive to other peopleâs feelings than I guess that ââ You paused, taking a deep breath as you gathered yourself. Your ears reddened. âLook, I think itâs pretty obvious that Iâve ⊠I like you. A lot. But having feelings for you would be so messy. The last time I went through this, we hooked up and you hardly spoke to me after.â
Mingyuâs brow furrowed. âThat was years ago.â
âYou know how uncommitted youâve always been,â you quickly remarked, even though you didnât fully believe those words anymore. âWerenât you the one that told me at the start of this that men never really grow up?â
His eyes narrowed a little. âAre you playing psychological warfare with me right now?â
Slipping your fingers away from his, you shrugged. âMaybe.â
âIâve been your date to five weddings this year. It wasnât just about losing some bet. I did it for you.â He stared at you incredulously. âAre you really going to hold me to a mistake I made six years ago? When I was a shitty 22-year-old that was terrified to tell the girl I liked for years that I was interested in her?â
âI never ⊠I never thought you liked me back then.â
Mingyuâs gaze softened, and he tucked another curl behind your ear that blew in the wind. âI made you believe that I didnât because it was easier than admitting my feelings. I was terrified of rejection. And an idiot.â
You couldnât help but snort at his comment, but you knew this conversation was far from over. âWell, I âŠâ You rubbed at your nose and turned away from him, facing the water that looked almost sapphire in color. The waves sparkled under the setting sun. âWedding season is over after this and we can both go back to our normal lives. Vernon wonât flip a lid when he sees me texting you all the time and everything will be back to the way it was. I always prepared for you to just forget about me after this anyway.â
âI love Vernon, but this isnât about him.â Mingyu stepped forward into your line of vision. âWhat if I donât want to go back to the way things were?â
Your eyes flickered to his, and it was his turn to step closer again. His large palm cupped your cheek, his skin always so cozy and inviting that you just had to lean into him. Fingertips traced your brow bone as his gaze lingered on your lips.
âI donât want to forget about you or never see you again. I want to be around you,â he confessed. âI ⊠want to go on more dates with you. I want to be your date to more than just weddings.â
You hesitated, unraveling and dissecting each word in your head, before you came to the conclusion that ⊠oh, my god, he had feelings for you too. Had you always been this much of an absolute moron?
Getting on your tiptoes, you closed the distance between you two, your lips crashing onto his like the water against the shoreline. Your body almost suctioned to his, bringing him even closer when your arms wound around his neck. He kept that one hand on your cheek, the other splaying on your lower back, like how he always did when he was nervous. But he had nothing to be nervous about, because you liked him and he liked you. The world felt like it was spinning, but also just right, and his tongue was licking into your mouth enough to make you feel breathless. You could do this forever, be this relaxed in his arms, kiss him as if it was only you two in your own world. And as he tugged on your bottom lip to make your breathing heavy, you decided that your dream had become a reality.
When you broke the kiss, your cheeks were definitely flushed, even under the layer of blush you put on. Mingyu grinned, tilting his head as he whispered, âSo you have always been mine then?â
âSuch a tease sometimes,â you repeated his fateful words from June.Â
You turned, tugging on his hand playfully as the waves begin to lick at the sand near your feet. âCâmon,â you chuckled. âIf weâre late to this wedding, my mom will kill me before I can even think about calling you my boyfriend.â
Mingyu had wanted to ask you to marry him only two years later, and thank god, he finally found the words.
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You never thought your insecurities wouldâve led you to the near destruction of your own relationship.
â§ PAIRING; mingyu x reader
â§ GENRE; angst, fluff, hurt/comfort
â§ TAGS/WARNINGS; established relationship, reader is very insecure, arguing, yelling, swearing, lots of tears, lgbt themes, very dramatic and cliche oop-, panic attack, fainting, hospitalisation
â§ WORDCOUNT; 11.1k
đââč
â11 JULY 2025
09:34 p.m.
The echo of the front door slamming against the wall rattled through the house. You stormed inside and without a second thought, you threw your black Chanel clutch across the entryway, and the bag skidded until it thudded against the baseboard.
Your chest was heaving as anger and humiliation boiled within you, so hot it felt like your skin was on fire. There were fast and heavy footsteps pounding behind you. You tried to block them out, but before you could make it to the living room, a strong hand clamped around your arm.
The sudden grip yanked you backward and spun you around so hard you almost stumbled. Mingyu stood inches from you with his jaw clenched, and his dark eyes blazed like he was holding back a raging storm.
âWhat the fuck is your problem Y/n? What the hell was that back there? Huh?â he spat out.
Your own rage flared. âMy problem? Are you seriously asking me that right now Mingyu?â you snapped back, jerking your arm free from his grasp.
âYES!â he shouted like thunder. You didnât flinch, at least not outwardly, but your heart was hammering inside your chest.
âBecause not only did you ruin what was supposed to be a nice get-together dinner party,â he continued, his voice rising with every word, âyou made a complete spectacle. You embarrassed Gaeul in front of everyone. Do you even realise what you did?â
Gaeul.
Of course it had to be her. Gaeul was Mingyuâs ex-girlfriend. They were the duo everyone thought he would end up marrying. The two had been together for almost two years, but knew each other long before you were ever in the picture. And even after they broke up, she never really disappeared. She stayed close because she was still Mingyuâs friend, and he still cared about her.
You hated how much that bothered you. Mingyu told you over and over again that he didnât love her anymore, and that the past was the past. And maybe you believed him most days. But every time Gaeul showed up, that pit of insecurity cracked open again.
How were you supposed to compete with someone who knew him inside out, someone who shared years of memories that you were never a part of?
Tonight was the final straw. You watched Gaeul lean in too close to your boyfriend. You watched her hand brush his arm. You watched her laugh like she still had a claim to him, and it tore every fragile stitch of your restraint completely.
Part of you knew Mingyuâs anger made sense, because you just caused a scene and humiliated someone he still cared about. But the burning jealousy and pride overpowered any rational part of you. You refused to look small.
âShe was all over you Mingyu!â you snapped.
âHow the fuck was I meant to sit there and let her be all touchy with you?!â you argued back.
Mingyuâs eyes narrowed, and his jaw worked as if he was physically biting back words. âWhat are you even talking about? She wasnât all over me Y/n. Youâre blowing this way out of proportion!â
You let out a sharp laugh, but it didnât sound like humor, it sounded like disbelief. âOut of proportion? She had her hands on you the whole damn night Mingyu. Everyone saw it. And you just sat there and let it happen!â
He stepped closer as frustration radiated off him. âWhat did you want me to do? Push her away in front of everyone? Cause a bigger scene and embarrass her than you already did?â
âOh, so this is my fault now?â you shot back. âIâm the crazy one because I donât like your ex-girlfriend being all over you?â
âSheâs my friend, Y/nâ Mingyu snapped, his voice growing louder this time. âThatâs all she is. Why canât you trust me on that?â
âItâs not that I donât trust you Mingyu, I donât trust her!â your voice cracked as you yelled. âAnd the fact that youâre just sitting there and letting her be all over you, thatâs whatâs fucking pissing me off!â
Your throat burned. Your eyes began to glisten with tears no matter how hard you tried to blink them away. You hated showing weakness, especially in the middle of a fight, but the hurt was too much to overcome.
Mingyuâs face softened for a split second when he saw your eyes shine, but the absurdity of your accusation riled him up more. He ran a hand through his hair, pacing a short step away before spinning back around to face you.
âDo you even hear yourself right now? Do you know how ridiculous you sound?â he questioned.
âYou didnât even give anyone a chance to explain. You jumped straight to conclusions because you were too fucking insecure to see anything past what you already decided in your headâ he stepped towards you with dark eyes.
âLet me tell you something Y/n,â he said, breathing heavy.
âI donât love Gaeul anymore, and neither does she love me. Weâre friends, only friends, and thatâs all itâs ever going to be. Everyone in that room knew it. You know why?â he paused, waiting for you to look at him.
âBecause Gaeul already has a girlfriend.â
The words felt like it knocked the air out of you.
Mingyu let out a shaky breath as he rubbed a hand over his face. âWe didnât just break up because we drifted apart. She realised she was into women, not men. Thatâs the truth. And honestly? Itâs not even my story to share, but you pushed me hereâ his voice cracked a little as his shoulders dropped.
âIf you actually understood how friendships really work, youâd see she wasnât being âall overâ me. Thatâs not who she is. Gaeul knows her boundaries. Sheâs not the villain youâre making her out to beâ his tone softened at the end, but his words left you stunned and speechless.
Your mouth went dry. For a second, you just stared at him, completely blindsided. âSheâ she has a girlfriend?â you managed to say with your voice smaller than you wanted it to be.
Mingyu sighed, running both hands through his hair before letting them fall uselessly to his sides. âYeah. And sheâs happy, really happy. Thatâs why she was laughing so much tonight, because she was telling me about her. But you didnât even give yourself the chance to hear it. You were too busy glaring holes through her like she was some homewrecker.â
To say you were ashamed would be an understatement. You were embarrassed. The tears you were holding back finally slipped, and you turned your face away, hating how exposed you felt.
âIâ I didnât know,â you whispered as you hugged your arms around yourself.
âOf course you didnât know,â Mingyu shot back, though his tone had softened. âYou didnât even want to know. You just assumed the worst, like always.â
âDo you have any idea how exhausting it is Y/n? Constantly having to prove that I chose you?â his voice broke, and it hurt more than his anger.
You turned back to face him, and the sight broke you. The hurt in his eyes and the exhaustion etched into his expression felt like a punch straight to the chest.
âIf you canât get past your insecurities, then how are we supposed to move forward? How many more times do I have to prove to you that youâre the one I want? That youâre the person I want to spend the rest of my life with?â Mingyuâs voice trembled, like he was begging you to understand.
When you saw a single tear slipping down his cheek, your heart dropped into your stomach. You panicked, âbabyââ you desperately reached out for him.
But Mingyu stepped back. His jaw clenched as he wiped his face quickly, like he didnât want you to see him break. You flinched in hurt, watching him create more distance between you.
âI need some time,â he muttered with a rough voice. Without waiting for your reply, he turned and walked out the door, leaving you frozen in the silence and your hand still hanging in the air where he pulled away.
You closed your eyes as your shoulders sagged in defeat. The strength left your body all at once, and your hands fell limply to your sides.
A shaky, broken sob escaped your throat before you could stop it. The shame pressing down on your chest was so heavy that it almost hurt you to breathe.
You couldnât believe it. You couldnât believe yourself.
Things with Mingyu had been rocky lately. The two of you were fighting more than you ever had before. The arguments that started were small, but they always seemed to escalate into something bigger. And almost every single time, the root of it came back to the same person. Gaeul.
You hated that she was even part of the picture, even if it was âjust as a friend.â No matter how many times Mingyu reassured you, it felt strange and uncomfortable to watch your boyfriend stay so close to someone he used to love.
It didnât matter that they had history, or that they claimed it was all in the past, you just couldnât wrap your head around it. The idea of your boyfriend laughing with, texting, or leaning on his ex like nothing ever happened made your stomach twist in knots.
To you, it wasnât about jealousy in the simple sense. It was the awkwardness and the uneasiness of knowing that there was a part of his life youâd never be able to compete with. She had been there first. She knew sides of him you were still learning.
As much as you hated to admit it, you were insecure. You tried to act like you had it all together, and that things from the past didnât bother you anymore, but deep down, they did.
Your love life before Mingyu hadnât exactly been a fairytale. The two guys you dated before him each left their mark in the worst ways.
One made you feel invisible, like nothing you did was ever enough to keep his attention. The other didnât even bother to hide it. He flat out left you for someone else. Both relationships ended the same way, with you questioning what you lacked and why you werenât worth staying for.
And that kind of hurt doesnât just disappear, no matter how much you want it to. It still lingers around. It makes you second-guess yourself in moments you should feel secure. It makes you wonder if maybe there really is always going to be someone better, someone prettier, someone smarter, someone easier to love.
So even with Mingyu, who had never once made you feel unwanted, those old wounds had a way of creeping back in and whispering that maybe you still werenât enough.
Maybe you were still stuck in the past. Maybe a part of you was still carrying all that fear of not being enough, of being replaced the way you had been before.
It wasnât Mingyu you doubted, never for a second. You knew he loved you. You knew he was loyal, and you never truly believed he would betray you. The problem was you. You were the one second-guessing yourself at every turn. Even after three years of being together, even after all the ways he had shown you that he loved you, that old voice in your head never fully shut up.
You kept wondering if you were enough for him. If one day heâd wake up and realise he deserved better. And every time that fear bubbled up, it always led to frequent arguments. It led to jealous comments and moments that didnât need to turn into fights but always did.
Deep down, you knew it wasnât fair. Mingyu wasnât the problem. Your insecurities were. They were the reason why your relationship was close to crumbling. And no matter how much you hated it, you could see it clearly now. More often than not, the fights werenât because of what Mingyu did. They were because of what you couldnât let go of inside yourself.
And today, you could see that Mingyu had finally hit his breaking point. The way he looked at you and the way his voice cracked when he said he needed space, it told you everything. He was done carrying the burden of your doubts. And honestly? You couldnât even blame him for it.
Because you knew this wasnât on him. It was on you. You were the one letting your insecurities run the show. You were the one picking fights you didnât need to start. You were the one who kept pushing even when he tried to reassure you. It wasnât fair to him, and you knew it.
For the first time, it really sank in. Maybe you werenât just hurting yourself with all this doubt. Maybe you were slowly tearing down the person who did nothing but love you. And that thought hit harder than anything else.
You werenât just the problem. You might have been the reason things were falling apart.
â12 JULY 2025
08:07 a.m.
You didnât even realise you cried yourself to sleep waiting for Mingyu until the next morning, when you woke up on the sofa. The brightness of the sunlight streaming through the window hit your eyes instantly, making you groan as you scrunched your nose and lifted a hand to block it. Your body felt heavy and stiff from spending the whole night in one position.
When you pushed yourself upright slowly, that was when it hit you. The house was quiet, too quiet. Where was the same hollow silence that settled in after Mingyu walked out last night. And just like that, the ache youâd tried to sleep off came rushing back.
You wondered if he was even home. You stood up and dragged your feet across the floor as you made your way upstairs. Maybe he came back late and went straight to bed, sleeping it off like nothing happened.
You held onto that hope, even as your hand hovered on the doorknob. Taking a shaky breath, you pushed the door open, only to find the bedroom empty. The bed was still untouched and perfectly made, just before you two left.
Your heart sank.
Maybe he left you a message, at least, telling you he was crashing at Wonwooâs place, or that he just needed space for the night. Clinging to that thought, you hurried back downstairs and grabbed your phone off the coffee table.
But there was nothing. The only notification lighting up your phone was from your friend Minghao telling you that you needed to apologise to Gaeul. Minghao was not the one to sugarcoat anything, his message was just a blunt reminder of how badly you messed up last night.
You werenât surprised that people were upset with you. Honestly, you wouldâve been shocked if they werenât. The way you acted last night was out of line, and you knew it. âEmbarrassingâ or âshamefulâ didnât even come close to describing how you felt right now. The guilt was eating you alive.
You had to apologise.
Chewing nervously on your lip, you unlocked your phone and opened Instagram. It felt a little pathetic, but it was the only way you could think of. You and Gaeul didnât follow each other, because you never had any reason to, and you didnât have her number either. So this was there only way to reach her.
Your fingers hesitated over the search bar. Part of you wanted to slam your phone shut and pretend none of this happened. But you knew better. You made the mess, and now you had to face it.
You sat there staring at the screen, fingers hovering above the keyboard. Your chest felt tight, because honestly, you didnât even know where to start. What were you supposed to say? âSorry for causing a sceneâ? Or âSorry for being insecureâ?
None of it felt like enough. But hiding behind silence wasnât going to fix anything. If you were going to apologise, it had to be face to face.
So, swallowing down your nerves, you finally typed out a message.
[jeon.yn08] : hey, itâs Y/n. Can we please talk?
â„ [kgaeul_] : sure
[jeon.yn08] : in person would be better
â„ [kgaeul_] : okay, where?
[jeon.yn08] : Moonbird Coffee, in 30 minutes?
â„ [kgaeul_] : đ
You switched off your phone and set it back down on the coffee table.
A long, shaky sigh slipped out of you as you let yourself sink deeper into the sofa cushions, face buried in your hands.
Every part of you, especially the introverted and stubborn part that hated confrontation, was begging you not to do this. Normally, youâd rather keep quiet and wait for things to blow over than reach out first. But this time, you knew you didnât have a choice. If you wanted things to get better, you had to swallow your pride, face the discomfort, and actually do the right thing.
The guilt sitting in your chest was hard to ignore, eating at you more with every second that passed. You couldnât just sit there pretending nothing happened while knowing how much you had hurt someone. Seeing Mingyu so exhausted and hurt last night kept flashing in your mind. If you couldnât do this for yourself, then you had to do it for him.
âŽâŽâŽâŽâŽ
08:36 a.m.
After forcing yourself through a quick shower, brushing your teeth and changing into something presentable, you grabbed the house keys and stepped out the door. Mingyu had taken the car, so the subway was your only option. Not that you minded much, it gave you a little time to think.
You slid into a corner seat once the train doors closed and, out of instinct, unlocked your phone. Part of you hoped youâd see his name light up your screen, but there was nothing.
Good thing you had your mask on and your hair down. Otherwise, it wouldâve been way too obvious that you were biting the inside of your cheek, fighting to keep yourself together from breaking down in public.
Your fingers itched to type out something, but you stopped yourself. He needed space, and you had to give him that. So, swallowing the lump in your throat, you shut the screen off and shoved your phone into your jacket pocket while holding back the tears threatening to fall.
And soon enough, you spotted Gaeul sitting in the corner. Her cherry-coloured hair stood out, so it was easy not to miss. She was leaning back against the cushioned chair with her phone in her hand, looking somewhat bored, like she had been waiting for a while.
You were nervous, still too embarrassed to face her after what you did last night. Nevertheless, you opened the door and made your way straight towards her with hesitation.
As your footsteps drew closer, Gaeulâs attention snapped away from her phone and finally lifted her head. The moment her eyes met yours, you froze for half a second and felt your nerves spiking all over again.
You forced a small, wary smile. âHey,â almost too quietly. For a second, you werenât sure she even heard you.
âHi,â she answered, her lips curving into a polite, almost tired smile. It wasnât warm, but it also wasnât cold, and somehow that was enough to make you loosen up just a little. At least she wasnât glaring at you, or throwing knives at you with her eyes. Honestly, you wouldnât have blamed her if she had.
You pulled out the chair across from her and sat down, sliding yourself closer to the table. Your hands instantly needed something to do. You slipped your mask off, cleared your throat, tucked your hair behind your ear. You looked at the floor, the table, the window, anywhere but at her face.
Eye contact felt impossible, at least just for a moment.
Of course, Gaeul noticed. She let out a soft sigh, not harsh but enough to tell you she wasnât here for small talk. âSoâŠyou wanted to talk?â she said finally, breaking the silence.
You swallowed and forced yourself to look up. When her eyes met yours, you could see how drained she looked, like she hadnât slept much. But there was still hurt in those brown orbs, the hurt you caused.
âY-Yeah,â you stammered.
Closing your eyes briefly, you exhaled. There was no use dragging this out. You had to be honest.
You fiddled with your fingers under the table, feeling your throat tighten. For a second, no words came out. But eventually, you forced yourself to speak.
âIâ Iâm sorry,â you blurted out.
You chewed on the inside of your cheek, and forced yourself to keep going. âIâm sorry for last night. Iâm sorry for everything I said and the way I acted. I know I crossed a line, and I know I made things way harder than they needed to be. You didnât deserve any of it.â
Gaeul didnât say anything right away, she just sat there watching you. Her silence made your chest ache even more, but somehow you pushed through it.
âI was insecure, and jealous, and honestly? Just scared,â you admitted.
âI was scared that Mingyu might look at you and realise that youâve always been better than me. And instead of dealing with it like a normal person, I lashed out at you. That wasnât fair. I let my insecurities get the better of me, and I hurt you in the process.â
You sighed. You felt tears building up in your eyes, but you kept them locked on hers this time. âI donât expect you to forgive me right away, or even at all. I justâŠI couldnât let things stay like this without at least apologising to your face. You deserve that much.â
Your palms were sweaty against your jeans, and your heart was beating like a drum. For the first time, you felt like you laid everything bare. There were no excuses, no defenses, just honesty. Now all you could do was wait for her response.
You were ready for her response, whatever it could be. She could laugh at your face or spit harsh words she had for you, you were ready to take it all in.
But you got nothing.
Instead, Gaeul leaned back in her chair and let out a long breath like sheâd been holding it in since you walked through the door. Her expression stayed unreadable as her eyes flicked down to the table and then back up to you.
âYou knowâŠâ she finally started, calmly, though sounding tired at the same time.
âWhen you implied I was being a âhomewrecker,â I canât even tell you how much that hurt. I was furious, hurt and embarrassed all at once. I wanted to snap back and prove you wrong to defend myself right there. But I didnât, I just froze. It was one of those moments where youâre so shocked, you donât even know what to say, you know?â
Your heart dropped to your stomach as her words sank in. Your bottom lip trembled and you lowered your head in shame. God, you felt awful. So damn awful. If the situation had been reversed, you knew you wouldâve lashed out too. Anyone would, to protect their dignity. You couldnât even blame her for being angry because it made perfect sense.
âBut,â she continued, âI get where youâre coming from. I mean, I would feel weird too, considering the history Mingyu and I have. So I canât really pretend that it doesnât make things complicated sometimes.â
Gaeulâs tone then softened a little. âBut Y/n, that doesnât mean Iâm trying to take him away from you. I moved on, and I have an amazing girlfriend who I love more than anything. Mingyu is your boyfriend now, and I respect that. I would never try to mess with what you two haveâ she said.
She paused to choose her next words carefully.
âYou have to understand that Mingyu and I were good friends way before we ever dated. Heâs been one of my friends for a long time, and that bond didnât just vanish after we broke up. We donât love each other in that way anymore, but we still care about each other. We still laugh, we still tease, we still share that old comfort. Thatâs just the kind of friendship we have. And I need you to know, thatâs all it is now, friendship. Nothing more.â
It had been pretty obvious to everyone, well, at least to their close friends, that Gaeul was into women by the time she and Mingyu broke up. Still, when it first came out, it threw everyone for a loop. Nobody saw it coming, because Gaeul had always dated guys, and she and Mingyu seemed solid for a long time. So when she finally told them, there were definitely a few dropped jaws and awkward silences.
Perhaps it was the fact that she hid it all so well in fear of being judged, or at least, to figure out her sexuality.
But over time, it started to make sense. The way she talked about love and the way she carried herself, it all just fell into place. She seemed lighter and more like herself than sheâd ever been when she was with Mingyu. And her friends noticed that too. The same girl who used to second-guess everything was suddenly glowing, laughing more and completely at ease in her own skin.
So, what started out as a shock quickly turned into one of those âah, okay, that actually makes perfect sense nowâ moments.
The only person who hadnât caught on, or maybe just didnât want to, was you. Everyone else seemed to have accepted it ages ago, but you were stuck in your own head, replaying the same thought over and over, that Gaeul and Mingyu used to date.
That was it. That was the line your mind refused to cross. No matter how many times Mingyu reassured you, or how harmless Gaeulâs actions actually were, your insecurities kept twisting everything into something ugly.
And now, sitting there with everything laid bare right in front of you, it all hit you so hard. Gaeul wasnât the problem, she never was. You were just too caught up in your own worries to see what was obvious to everyone else. You couldnât help but feel incredibly stupid, and honestly, a little ashamed of how much you let your insecurities take over.
You couldnât stop yourself as your hands flew up to cover your face, the tears finally breaking free. All the guilt, the embarrassment and the exhaustion from holding everything in just crashed at once. You felt miserable, really. You didnât even know what to do with yourself anymore.
âIâm so, so sorry, Gaeul,â you said, voice trembling as you tried to steady your breathing. âI shouldnât have shouted at you like that, especially in front of everyone.â
You forced yourself to uncover your face, even though your cheeks were still wet and your eyes bloodshot and puffy. You wanted her to see how much you meant it, and that it wasnât just some quick apology to ease your conscience.
Gaeul could see right through you. She could see every bit of guilt, regret, and exhaustion written all over your face. There wasnât a single trace of defensiveness left in you, just sincerity. And that alone was enough to soften her expression. She let out a quiet sigh, then gave you a small, almost tired smile.
She reached across the table and gently placed her hand over yours, and the simple gesture nearly made you tear up again.
âHey,â she said gently, âitâs okay Y/n. I forgive you. Iâm honestly glad you came to talk about it face-to-face instead of just texting. It means a lot. I hope we can move past it and maybeâŠbe friends?â
You gave her a small nod as your lips curled into a faint, broken smile. It wasnât much, but it was all you could manage without crying again. And you felt the tension in your chest loosen a little.
You didnât really know what came next. Things between you and Gaeul werenât magically fixed, and it would probably take some time before things felt normal again â if they ever really could. But for now, that didnât matter.
What mattered was that she didnât hate you. She didnât resent you or hold that moment against you. She forgave you, genuinely and wholeheartedly.
Taking a quiet breath, you wiped the corner of your eye and looked at her with a bit more steadiness this time. âThank you,â you whispered.
Gaeul smiled softly in return. âSoâŠâ she started, dragging the word out just a little as she leaned back against her chair.
âIâm guessing you and Mingyu got into an argument?â
You let out a soft, awkward laugh as you tucked a few strands of hair behind your ear. âIs it that obvious?â you asked, though you already knew it was.
She raised an eyebrow and gave a little snort. âUh, yeah. Considering how pissed off Mingyu looked and how he basically dragged you out of the restaurant, Iâd say it was pretty obvious. The whole table went dead silent after that.â
âAlso, you looked absolutely shit the moment you walked in,â she added, jokingly.
You couldnât help but laugh this time. âWow, thanks,â you said sarcastically, using both palms to wipe at your still-wet and puffy eyes.
âGod,â you muttered, shaking your head as another laugh slipped out.
After a brief pause, your smile began to fade, replaced by worry as last night replayed in your mind. âHey..do you perhaps know where Mingyu is?â you asked, breaking the silence.
Her expression shifted immediately as her brows pulled together in concern. You took a shaky breath, âI havenât heard from him since he left the house last nightâ you added.
Gaeul leaned back and frowned. âAfter dinner ended, we all went home. He came by my place to apologise for what happened, but Iâm not sure where he went after that,â she said honestly.
âI just assumed he went back home.â
Your heart sank at her words. He didnât come home. You struggled to breathe for a second as your mind raced through all the possibilities. Was he really that angry? Was he avoiding you?
Or worse, was he regretting everything?
Gaeul noticed your face pale and quickly leaned forward to hold your hands. âHey,â she said softly, trying to pull you back to reality.
âHeâs probably okay wherever he is. Maybe he just needs more time to cool off?â she reassured you with a small, hopeful smile.
You let out a tired sigh, resting your elbows on the table and rubbing your temples. âYeah, thatâs what he said before walking out,â you murmured.
âItâs justâŠitâs so hard right now,â you admitted.
âWeâve been arguing so much lately, way more than we should. And itâs gotten to a point where it doesnât even feel healthy anymore. And after yesterdayâŠâ you swallowed hard, fighting the lump in your throat. âIâm scared I mightâve pushed him too far.â
Your voice cracked on the last word, and you quickly dropped your gaze to the table, hoping she wouldnât see the tears already forming in your eyes.
âI donât even know how to fix this anymore,â you whispered. âI just hope I donât lose him. God, Iâll fall apart if I do.â A tear slipped down your cheek before you could stop it.
You didnât mean to start crying again, but it just hurt. You were scared, because you didnât know how you were going to reconcile with him. What if this time apart wasnât just him cooling off? What if it was him realising he didnât want to come back at all?
The idea alone made your stomach agitate. Losing Mingyu was more than just a nightmare, it felt like it would be the end of everything you both built together.
You pressed the heel of your hand to your eyes, trying to pull yourself together, but the ache in your chest stayed. All you could think about was how badly you wanted to rewind and do things differently, before it was too late.
âHey, hey,â Gaeul cut in quickly.
âYouâre not going to lose him, alright? Trust me, I know Mingyu. When that man loves someone, he loves hard. Heâs stubborn about it too. Heâd rather get hurt himself than let go of the person he cares about. Thatâs just who he isâ she said.
You looked up at her with your glossy eyes, but her words slowly started to sink in.
Gaeul smiled softly. âHe loves you so much, Y/n. Seriously. More than he ever loved me, and I say that with full confidence.â
She gave a small laugh, shaking her head like she still couldnât believe it herself. âIâve never seen him so gone over anyone before. You have no idea how obvious it is. Everyone sees it. Heâs completely whipped for you.â
She leaned back in her chair. âSo, please donât start thinking the worst. I promise you, Mingyuâs not the type to walk away just because things get hard. If anything, heâll fight even harder for you. Thatâs how much you mean to him.â
Your heart fluttered. And somehow, hearing that from her, the one person who used to know him best, made it all feel a little more real.
âŽâŽâŽâŽâŽ
12:25 p.m.
After saying goodbye to Gaeul, you let out a long breath you didnât even realise you had been holding. It felt like a weight had finally been lifted off your chest. Though not completely gone, you felt lighter, like you could finally breathe again. Things between you and her had been tense for so long that just clearing the air felt like a small victory.
At least that part was over. At least she didnât hate you. But then your thoughts drifted right back to Mingyu, the one thing was still weighing heavy in your heart.
You didnât know what you were supposed to say to him when you finally saw him again. Would he even want to see you? Would he still be angry, or just done?
Though with Gaeulâs reassurance, you still felt a little uncertain.
But at the same time, you were determined. No matter how hard it would be, you were ready to do whatever it took to make things right.
So, after stopping by the supermarket and grabbing everything you needed for beef bulgogi and kimchi fried rice, you headed straight home with your arms full of shopping and your head full of nerves.
But when you stepped into the house, your heart immediately sank. Mingyu still wasnât home. The place felt weirdly empty without him because you werenât used to this kind of silence. Usually you would hear him humming from the kitchen as he cooked, yelling your name from the living room, or just rambling about whatever random thing popped into his head.
Normally, he would always greet you by the door and wrap you in a warm, tight hug. Then heâd press a soft kiss to your lips and say something stupidly sweet that would make you forget about the terrible days youâd had.
It felt weirdly gloomy without him around. The slice was almost unsettling, and you couldnât shake off how strange it felt not to hear his voice, or any noise that indicated that he was home.
Still, you wanted to do something. Maybe cooking his favourite food as an apology would help. That was always your thing, after all. If you messed up, youâd make his go-to comfort meals, like beef bulgogi or kimchi fried rice. If he was in the wrong, heâd show up with your favourite soup or spicy stir fried noodles.
With the little hope you had left in you, you sighed. You didnât even bother to change out of your outfit. You simply took your shoes and jacket off before dumping the bags on the counter and getting to work.
âŽâŽâŽâŽâŽ
03:10 p.m.
As much as you wanted to text Mingyu, you forced yourself not to. You told yourself over and over that he needed space, and you had to respect that. And for a while, you tried, you really did. But the longer the silence stretched, the more you started to feel suffocated. It was becoming unbearable to just sit there in the empty house without the sound of his presence.
The food, which you havenât dished up yet, was still sitting on the stove, and it had long gone cold now. You hoped that Mingyu would walk through the door in time for lunch, but noon turned into afternoon, and there was still no sign of him.
Eventually, you couldnât wait any longer, so you texted a few of his friends and asked if they had seen or heard from him. The replies came quickly, but none of them helped. None of them knew where he was.
You stared at your phone, and felt that familiar knot tighten in your throat. He wasnât answering anyone, not even you, and that was what scared you most. You tried to tell yourself to relax, but it was getting hard to breathe in this silence.
Finally, you exhaled shakily and picked up your phone again. Enough waiting â you were going to call him directly.
After three rings, you were hit with the sound of the automated voice telling you the number you were trying to reach was unavailable. And just like that, whatever little bit of strength you had left completely snapped.
Your chest tightened so painfully, and it felt like the air was sucked right out of the room. That stupid robotic voice kept echoing in your head, and suddenly everything around you blurred. The knot in your throat grew until it felt like you couldnât swallow, couldnât speak, couldnât even think straight.
Your breathing turned sharp and even, like you were gasping for air through a straw. Tears started welling up so fast that your vision went foggy, and you could barely see your phone screen anymore. You pressed a hand to your chest to try and calm yourself down, but your heartbeat was wild and erratic. It was like your body was stuck in fight-or-flight mode.
You wanted to cry, to scream, or do something to release the ache choking you, but you couldnât. The sobs stayed trapped in your throat, and it was burning their way up but never escaping. Your whole body was trembling hard, uncontrollable shakes that made it impossible to even sit still.
Your fingers went numb, and your phone slipped from your grasp and fell onto the floor. You curled in on yourself and clutched your chest, desperately trying to breathe.
You were in the middle of a full-blown panic attack, and it was worse than any you ever had before.
Was this really the end? Was Gaeul wrong about everything she had told you? What if Mingyu had finally made up his mind? What if he was done with you for good? The thought alone sent you spiraling even more.
Your mind went completely blank afterwards, except for one thought, your mother.
âM-Mum,â you choked out with your trembling voice as your hands shakily reached for your phone.
Everything felt blurry, like you were underwater. Your fingers could barely move properly as you scrolled through your contacts. It took what felt like forever to find her name, while your legs were barely keeping you upright. When you finally pressed call, you could hear your heart pounding in your ears.
Your mother was your best friend. You told her everything, your highs, your lows, your plans and your stupid little worries. She was your safe place, and hearing her voice was all you needed right now.
So when she picked up and that warm, familiar voice greeted you with, âhey darling,â you just broke.
âM-Mum,â you managed to croak out between choked breaths.
Instantly, she picked up on it, and her calm tone turned into panic. âY/n? Honey, whatâs wrong? Talk to me, what happened?â
âH-He doesnât w-want m-me anymore,â you stammered. âH-He d-doesnât want t-to c-come b-back home M-Mum.â
Your voice cracked completely, breaking into sobs. You could hear her calling your name, trying to calm you down, but her words sounded so far away and muffled, like they were coming from another room.
âI-I canâtâŠb-breathe,â you gasped out, clutching your chest as your vision began to tunnel. The phone slipped slightly in your hand, and you heard your motherâs voice grow louder and panicked now as she yelled your name through the speaker.
But it was too late. Your knees buckled and the phone fell from your grip. The last thing you heard was your motherâs desperate shouting before everything faded to black.
âŽâŽâŽâŽâŽ
Meanwhile, Mingyu was sprawled out on his bed, staring blankly at the ceiling of his old bedroom.
He didnât really plan to end up at his parentsâ house. After storming out and stopping by Gaeulâs place to apologise to her for what happened, he realised he had nowhere else to go. His parentsâ place seemed like the safest option. It was more comforting and quiet where he could breathe for a bit.
The moment he walked through the door, though, his parents bombarded him with questions asking him what happened and why he looked so down. He didnât have the energy to explain, so he brushed it off with a vague answer that you both fought and that he needed some time to cool off. It was enough to make them drop it, well, at least for the night.
But by the time the sun rose the next morning, his mother had clearly noticed his phone buzzing every few minutes on the nightstand. She was beginning to get annoyed at her sonâs lack of attention. And hearing the constant vibration and seeing the unread notifications piling up on his phone, she smacked his chest, saying, âstop being childish Mingyu. If sheâs calling this much, you should answer her.â
He didnât respond though. He just stared at the screen lighting up again with your name. He knew you were trying to reach him, and he knew exactly how worried you mustâve been. But as much as it hurt to ignore you, he didnât want to reply. He was still angry, yes, but more than that, he was exhausted, both emotionally and mentally.
So instead of replying, he switched his phone off completely and left it on the bedside table like it didnât even exist. Out of sight and out of mind, at least, thatâs what he tried to tell himself.
Mingyu knew he was being ridiculous at this point, but he couldnât help it. It just felt like no one really got what was going on in his head, not even you. He loved you, god, he loved you so bad. He loved you so much it almost scared him sometimes.
No matter how insecure you got, he always tried to make sure you felt seen, safe, and loved. He would go out of his way just to remind you how much you meant to him, whether through small text messages, giving you forehead kisses, or staying up late at night to talk things through when you were overthinking again.
To put it simply, you were everything to him. His entire world.
And yet, it felt like you couldnât see it. Like no matter how hard he tried to show you that there would never, ever be another woman he could love the way he loved you, it wasnât enough. Every time there were misunderstandings, every argument that circled back to the same insecurities, it chipped away at him little by little.
He was tired. He wasnât tired of you, rather, he was tired of the fighting. He was tired of the endless reassurance heâd give you, and the feeling that love alone wasnât fixing things anymore.
And after what happened last night, when things went a little too far, it pushed him over the edge. It broke something inside him, and now as he laid staring at the ceiling, he wasnât even sure how to start putting those pieces back together. He just didnât know how else to prove to you.
Mingyu let out a long sigh and rolled onto his side, eyes drifting toward the window where the sunlight was spilling through the curtains. The sky was clear with not a single cloud in sight, and the breeze that slipped through the slightly open window carried that midday freshness. It was perfect beach weather.
And instantly, his mind went to you, because you loved this kind of day. You loved the sound of the waves, the feel of sand between your toes, the excuse to pack a basket full of snacks and just lie there for hours talking about nothing.
Mingyu could almost picture it, of you laughing as you laid your head against his bare chest. And walking hand in hand down the beach, admiring the sunset.
He would drive the four hours down to Busan without a second thought if it meant seeing that smile again. That was how much he loved you. Even now, when things between you were such a mess, that love was still sitting strong in his chest, refusing to fade.
It wasnât long before Mingyu heard quick footsteps storming down the hallway, followed by his bedroom door bursting open.
âKim Mingyu!â
He quickly rolled onto his other side at the sound of his motherâs sharp and panicked voice. She stood in the doorway with her phone in her hand. âWhere in Godâs name did you put your phone?â she snapped as she took a few quick steps towards him.
He blinked, caught off guard. âWhy? What happened?â he asked.
His mother stopped beside the bed, taking a shaky breath before speaking. âI just got a call from Y/nâs mum,â she began. âShe was looking for you, and said Y/n called her while having a panic attack. A really bad one.â
For a split second, everything froze. His heartbeat, his breathing, even his mind. And when the words finally hit him like someone had dumped a bucket of ice water over his head, his heart started racing with dread.
âSheâ she what?â he almost stuttered as he shot upright, fumbling for his phone on the nightstand. His hands were getting clammy, shaking so badly he almost dropped it as he pressed the button to turn it on.
âHer mum said she was struggling to breathe,â his mother said in a worried tone. âThe last thing she heard before the call was cut off was Y/n saying she couldnât breathe.â
Mingyuâs stomach contorted agonisingly, but before he could even react, his mother went on to say something that made his whole world tilt.
âWhen she rushed over to your place, she found Y/n collapsed in the living room.â
His heart shot straight to his throat, eyes widening in alarm. âCâCollapsed?â he stammered, quickly standing up to his feet.
âWhat do you mean collapsed? Where is she now?!â his voice rose slightly in fear as he walked towards his mother.
âYes Mingyu! Collapsed!â his mother snapped. âSheâs at the hospital right now. Her mum said she wasnât responding, and theyâve all been trying to reach you for the past thirty minutes! Why havenât you been answering your phone?â
Mingyu barely heard the rest of what his mother was saying. Her voice, the ticking clock, even the sound of his own breathing, everything around him blurred into static. The air suddenly felt too thin to breath, and his chest felt like all the oxygen had been sucked out of his lungs.
He couldnât think straight. His head was spinning, and his heartbeat was too loud in his ears.
âHospital,â he mumbled, almost to himself,
And without wasting another second, he bolted out of his bedroom. Mingyu practically flew down the stairs. He nearly tripped trying to shove his feet into his shoes, and he didnât even bother to tie the laces properly. His hands were shaking so badly that he fumbled with the keys on the counter before finally grabbing them.
âMingyu!â his mother called after him, shouting the name of the hospital. He barely heard it over the rush of blood in his ears.
âI got it!â he yelled back, though his voice cracked halfway.
He yanked open the door, ran outside as fast as he could, and jumped into his car. Turning on the engine, he hurriedly reversed out of the driveway.
Mingyu knew better than anyone how dangerous, and stupid, it was to drive recklessly, no matter how desperate the situation was. Youâd drilled that into him numerous times.
Every time heâd grab his keys to leave, youâd give him that little reminder, âdrive safe, okay? No speeding.â
It became your thing. And the irony was, you didnât even have a driverâs licence, but you still lectured him like you were the highway authority itself.
And Mingyu, being the confident driver he was, sometimes got a little too bold behind the wheel. Heâd often take turns too fast or tailgate when he was late, and you would always call him out for it later with that disappointed look he hated seeing.
Even now, when all he wanted to do was slam his foot on the accelerator and break every speed limit in the book just to get to you faster, he couldnât bring himself to do it. The thought of going against your words was enough to keep him in check.
Donât speed Mingyu.
Still, it was torture. Every time he got caught at a red light, his hands tightened around the steering wheel til his knuckles turned white.
He couldnât stop muttering curses under his breath while bouncing his leg anxiously. And when a car in front of him moved at the speed of a snail, heâd slam his hand on the honk button.
He was, really, trying so damn hard to stay calm.
By the time Mingyu finally pulled up to the hospital, he didnât even care how he parked. The car was barely in the lines, maybe even sideways, but that didnât matter to him. He just threw the door open, slammed it shut behind him, and sprinted straight through the sliding doors.
The receptionist was startled a little when he rushed up to the desk. But more so by his dishevelled appearance â hair messy, chest heaving and sweat beading down his temple. He looked completely frantic, like he ran a marathon.
âJeon Y/N, where is she?â he asked, leaning forward on the counter, barely able to catch his breath.
The receptionist blinked at him. âIâm sorry, sir, but we canât give out any information about patients unless youâre a family member,â she told him.
âSheâs my girlfriend. Please, just tell me where I can find herâ he pleaded, trying not to lose his cool.
Before the receptionist could speak up, Mingyu heard your motherâs voice call out his name from somewhere behind him. âMingyu?â
His heart leaped at the sound, spinning around instantly. âMrs Jeon!â he exclaimed in relief as he rushed toward her.
Mingyu reached your mother in seconds, almost stumbling to a stop in front of her. âWhere is she? How is she? What happened?â he blurted out, voice breaking halfway through the sentence. His breathing was uneven as his eyes darted around the hallway like he was searching for you.
âHey, slow down,â your mother said softly.
âThe doctor said her body was under a lot of stress. The panic attack made it worse which caused her to faint. But sheâs okay. They said she just needs a lot of restâ she explained.
Mingyu felt a lump form in his throat, and eyes sting with tears. âIs she awake right now? Or is she sleeping?â he asked.
Your motherâs expression softened, and let out a small sigh, âsheâs awake, but she doesnât really want to talk to anyone right now. She just keeps asking for you.â
It was like the final string that snapped. Mingyuâs bottom quivered as he fought to hold himself together. But involuntarily, a small whimper escaped from his lips.
âWhich room is she in?â he whispered.
âRoom twenty-six,â she said, pointing down the corridor.
But she didnât even finish before Mingyuâs feet were already on the move. His shoes squeaked against the hospital floor as he ran, and he didnât care about the people staring or the nurses telling him to slow down. All he could think about was getting to you, and seeing you with his own eyes.
When Mingyu finally reached your room, he stopped dead in his tracks right outside the door. His hand hovered over the handle, but he couldnât bring himself to push it open just yet. His heart was pounding, so hard it felt like it might burst out of his chest.
All that adrenaline that had carried him here suddenly turned into nerves. He was so desperate to see you, but now that he was here, he didnât know what to do.
He swallowed hard, running a shaky hand through his hair as he stared at the small window on the door. Through it, he could see you sitting on the bed with your knees pulled up to your chest and your face buried in your arms.
The thin hospital blanket was draped around you, but you still looked so small, so fragile. The lump in Mingyuâs throat began to suffocate him. His hand reached up to clutch his chest, trying to steady the rapid thump of his heart.
His vision blurred as he tried to fight back the tears threatening to spill. Then, he let out a shaky exhale, âGod, what have I done?â he whispered to himself, You looked completely broken, and knowing he was part of the reason you ended up like this made him want to tear himself apart.
Mingyu dragged in a shaky breath, roughly wiping his eyes before finally pushing the door open.
The sudden sound made you flinch, but the second your eyes landed on the man you had been dying to see, your whole body seemed to let go of the tension it had been holding.
âMingyuâŠâ you breathed out with a trembling voice as you threw the blanket aside and got to your feet.
The sight of your red and puffy eyes completely broke him.
Whatever strength he had left just shattered right there. A strangled sob tore out of his chest as he rushed to you, closing the distance in seconds before wrapping you up in his arms in a tight, desperate hug.
You melted into him immediately, and your hands gripped at the back of his shirt. âWhere were you?â you choked out as you buried your face against him. âI thought you left me.â
âI thought you werenât coming back,â you continued, your sobs growing harder. âI was so scared.â
âIâm sorry Mingyu. Iâm so, so sorry. I never wanted to make things harder for you. I didnât mean to make you feel like you had to prove anything to me. I justââ you broke off, gasping through another wave of tears.
âPlease donât leave me. Iâll do better. Iâll be better.â
âHey, hey, heyââ he stammered as he pulled back to cup your face in his large, shaking hands. His thumbs brushed over your damp cheeks, and his heart shattered with every sob that left your lips.
âLook at me babyâ he said.
When your eyes flicked up, that was all it took for his composure to crumble all over again. âShh, calm down baby. Itâs okay,â he reassured you, almost desperately.
âIâm right here, okay? Iâm not going anywhere. Iâm not going to leave you, I swearâ he said, blinking back his own tears.
You tried to say something, but the words dissolved into another sob, and that broke him to the core. âFuck,â he choked, shaking his head.
âFuck, I didnât mean for things to go this far. I didnât mean to hurt you like this. Iâm so fucking sorry my love.â
He leaned forward until his forehead pressed against yours, eyes shut tight as he breathed you in.
âGod, Iâm so fucking stupid,â he croaked as he leaned in and pressed a shaky kiss to your lips.
When he pulled back, his forehead stayed pressed against yours, and you could feel his hot and uneven breath fan over your lips. âBut Iâm here now,â he whispered.
âIâm right here with you baby girl. Iâm not going anywhere again, I swear. Iâm never leaving you.â
He kissed you again, slower and longer this time, and you could practically feel him trembling against you. âIâm so sorryâ he whimpered against your lips.
âIâm so sorry I left you like that, baby. I shouldnât have walked away at all. I shouldnât have ignored you. God, I hate myself for it.â His tears mixed with yours, tasting the salty warmth spreading between your lips as he kissed you again and again.
âHey,â you whispered softly, voice still hoarse from crying.
âAt least youâre here now,â you said softly, giving him a small, tired smile as you reached up to brush the messy strands of hair away from his eyes. âThatâs all that matters.â
Mingyu let out a low hum, almost like a sigh of relief, before he cupped your cheek and pulled you in for another long, deep kiss.
When he finally pulled back, he rested his forehead against yours once again. His eyes were still glassy, but they were much calmer now.
âI love you baby,â he said as his thumb traced lazy circles against your jaw.
âAlways remember that, okay? No matter how angry I get, no matter how bad we fight, that angerâs never going to be stronger than how much I love you. Ever.â
You blinked at him, your heart squeezing at his words. You saw him swallow hard, âI love you too much to ever let you go. You have no idea how much it scares me at the thought of not having you around. I swear, Iâd rather take all the pain in the world than ever lose you.â
His words hit so deep that your eyes started welling up with tears all over again. You didnât have to doubt that he meant every one of them. The sincerity in his eyes, the way he kissed you and held you, it gave you the security you desperately needed at this moment.
You smiled through your tears, âI knowâ you responded. âI know you do. And I love you too.â
Mingyu cracked a small smile and leaned in again, kissing the corner of your lips gently before enveloping you into a hug.
âWeâll be okay.â
âŽâŽâŽâŽâŽ
10:20 p.m.
After you got discharged, Mingyu drove straight home, one hand on the wheel and the other holding yours the entire way. He was quieter than usual, but the way his thumb kept brushing over your knuckles said enough.
Not long after you got settled in, his mother dropped by with a pot of warm rice porridge. Of course, a few minutes later, Mingyu was the one with the bowl in his hands, devouring it like he hadnât eaten in days.
You just sat there and watched him shovel spoon after spoon into his mouth. âYou do realise that was supposed to be my porridge, right?â you tried not to laugh.
Mingyu glanced up, a bit of rice stuck to his lip, and gave you a sheepish grin. âYou love me too much to stop me.â
You rolled your eyes but didnât argue. He did love that porridge way too much, and honestly, you werenât even that hungry anymore. Just the sight of him looking so happy enjoying it made your heart feel full.
After that, the two of you hopped into the shower together, mostly because Mingyu didnât trust you to stand for too long on your own. You complained, but you didnât really mean it. The way he was so gentle when washing the shampoo out of your hair and kissing your temple every few minutes, it made your chest ache in the best way possible.
Dinner was whatever leftovers you had cooked in the afternoon. And then, predictably, you both migrated to the sofa. Mingyu grabbed the thickest blanket he could find and wrapped the two of you up like a burrito before putting on a random rom-com movie.
Now, halfway through your second film, your eyelids were starting to grow heavy. The rhythmic movement of Mingyuâs fingers tracing soft circles over your bare stomach wasnât helping at all.
You tried to fight the sleep, whether it was by blinking hard, shifting your position, or even pretending to be interested in the plot. But his warm and his quiet breathing beside your ear, and that comforting hand on your bare belly were all working against you.
Mingyu noticed, of course. He glanced down at you with a small grin. âYou can sleep, you knowâ he told you.
âIâm fine,â you mumbled, eyes already half-shut.
He chuckled softly, leaning down to kiss your forehead. âSure you are,â he responded, still drawing lazy patterns on your skin.
You stayed quiet for a while, eyes still closed, somewhere between awake and asleep.
âI talked to Gaeul today,â you mumbled sleepily, breaking the silence.
Mingyu blinked and took his eyes off the television, glancing down at you. If he was surprised, he made sure to make it seem less obvious. âYeah?â he asked softly.
âMhm,â you hummed, finally blinking your eyes open to look up at him. âWe met at this little cafe and justâŠtalked it out. I apologised to her for last night and everything, reallyâ you said.
âAfter learning everything, I just felt incredibly stupid for everything Iâve said to her. I felt so crapâ you continued, shifting a little to adjust yourself in his arms.
âSo I messaged her to meet me at a cafe. And honestly? I didnât know what kind of reaction to expect, but I just wanted to put it out there and let her know how sorry I was.â
Mingyu tilted his head slightly, âand how did that go?â he asked as his fingers brushed through your hair. Though he could already guess how it went, he wanted to hear it from you.
âBetter than I thought it would, honestly. I cried a lot, and God it was so embarrassing now that I think back to it. I was such a messâ you gave a small laugh, shaking your head at yourself.
âBut she was really kind about it. She said she appreciated me reaching out and talking to her in person. She said it meant a lotâ your voice softened a little.
âMost importantly, she forgave meâ you added.
Mingyuâs expression melted into one of quiet pride. âThatâs good,â he said, brushing his thumb over your cheekbone. âIâm proud of you baby.â
You let out another soft laugh, almost sleepy. âI just felt so stupid, you know? The things I said to her were justâŠugh!â you groaned and buried your face against his chest again.
âI donât even know what came over me.â
Your body relaxed again, and you let out an airy hum as Mingyuâs fingers continued to move through your hair. âIâm glad I talked to her though,â you whispered, half-drifting back into sleep.
âI am too,â Mingyu said quietly, resting his chin on your head. âMeans you can finally stop carrying everything around like a burden.â
You hummed in agreement, your words slurring slightly as you mumbled, âmaybe now I can actually sleep without crying.â
You felt Mingyuâs chest vibrating under your cheek as he let out a small laugh. âGood,â he whispered, holding you a little tighter. âYou deserve that.â
You could feel sleep creeping up on you again, and your eyelids grew heavier and heavier with every lazy stroke of Mingyuâs hand on your back. You didnât bother fighting it this time, and just let yourself sink into his warmth.
âI love you, Kim Mingyu,â your words slurred together as sleep started to win.
Then, in a voice so soft it almost broke his heart, you whispered, âplease donât ever leave me.â
The room fell quiet after that, and Mingyuâs smile faltered just a little. It wasnât the first time you said something like that half-asleep, especially when you two made up after an argument, but it still hit him the same every time. He hated that there was even a part of you that worried heâd go anywhere.
Your body grew heavier in his arms as you finally drifted off completely. Mingyu adjusted his position and sat up a little straighter so you could rest more comfortably against him. He tugged the blanket higher and tucked it snugly around your shoulders, before wrapping both arms securely around you.
He looked down at your sleeping face, your lashes resting softly against your cheeks, lips slightly parted, breathing slow and steady. His chest ached in the best and worst way.
Leaning down, he pressed a long, gentle kiss to your forehead. âI love you too princess,â he murmured against your skin. âAnd Iâm not going anywhere. I promise.â
You didnât stir. You were already deep in sleep with your small breaths fanning over his chest. Mingyu smiled faintly as he brushed a thumb over your cheek.
âI donât even wanna think about what Iâd do without youâ he said, almost to himself.
a/n; sorry it took so long! my iPad broke and I needed a way to edit the fonts. and also sorry if you commented on my post to join the tag-list and arenât listed on here, for some reason I canât find your username under the @ search.
⏠pairing: actor! kim mingyu x author fem! reader
⏠word count: 15.7k
⏠warnings: (pls read carefully) mentions of food, alcohol, smut warnings: sex against a wall, squirting, oral (f. receiving), v minor possession kink, he repeatedly calls her a sweetheart hehe, switches to his POV sometimes MDNI
⏠genres: fluff, romance, tiniest bit of angst but not really, not to toot my own horn but i fink i just wrote a killer romcom.
jungkook, @jakedustry and @livmarauder make minor appearances!!
synopsis <3
as a serious author who has been trying to earn a serious repute in the industry, romance rumors with a superstar is never really a good news. and when the said superstar leans into those rumors, it gets even more annoying to deal with - especially when you have to shoot a movie with him!
not beta read and written in a single day cause im cray cray like that, dont judge!! pleek support authors by REBLOGGING and reviewing our works!
credits: to @strangergraphics for the pretty dividers <3
playlist -
- robbers by the 1975
- borderline by tame impala
- stargirl interlude by lana del rey and the weeknd
author's note: part of my valentine's day event, lmk if you'd want to be tagged :)
There is something about the scalding airport coffee, that you over-saturate with at least double the amount of sugar than what you would usually go for, that always screws all your exhaustion-weighed muscles back into your place and gives you that additional skip in your step as you checkout.Â
That, when paired with the radiance on your skin and your self-satisfied grin as you feel the weight of your recently completed manuscript tucked proudly under your arm, would make no one suspect that you have just gotten off a sixteen-hour long flight. After a full summer of nursing tans under the West-coast sun and enjoying the Californian lifestyle, it feels so good to be back with yet another story that you want to eagerly share with your team and eventually, your readers.Â
Talking about the readersâŠit is definitely strange just how many of them have recognized you and asked for your autograph today. While you do expect such a reaction when something new comes out, it is definitely uncalled for when youâre just simply returning from a vacation. Your latest book was published over a year ago and though it was a best-seller on every lists that matter, the frenzy had since died down only to be reignited again this winter when your fans began fancasting famous actors and actresses when they caught wind about one of the prominent production houses acquiring rights to adapt one of your books on screen.Â
You didnât know much about the social buzz, you had learnt better than to go online to gauge fan-reaction when it comes to your art. But you do know the name that often seems to pop up when it comes to the dream casting of the male leads of your books.Â
Kim Mingyu.Â
Arguably one of the most sensational names in the current cohort of young actors with an unimaginable fan following across all social media platforms and a generational talent backed by critical acclaim.Â
Peopleâyour readersâalways tell you just how similar he is to the romantic leads that you write.Â
Take the current one for example, who is hovering near baggage claim with a dog-eared paperback of one of your best-sellers while you sign autographs for her and her sister.Â
âAny news about the cast for âThe Art of Youâ?â she asks.Â
You politely shake your head, even if there is some news about it, you are yet to turn your work phone back on to read the texts or emails from Hunter, your manager, pertaining to the subject.Â
âItâs still in the talking stages.â You answer, accepting another paperback to sign from the guy beside her.Â
âWell I donât know if you sawâŠbut Kim Mingyu was seen wearing this coffee-stained white cable-knit sweater at dinner that totally reminded me of Matthias from that first date scene in âThe Art of Youâ when Allie spills coffee over him,â she squeals. âHe had the classic Matthias tortoise-shell glasses on too!â
Your fingers stutter around the pen, it is such a peculiar outfitâthe sole reason why you decided to write it in was the distinct nature of it and its relevance to that specific scene and storyline. It is certainly odd that someone with a full team of stylists would be caught wearing something like that in a similar setting.Â
âOh,â you give her an awkward laugh, âis that so?âÂ
When she nods eagerly, expecting you to say more with her camera pointed right in your face, you feel yourself flush even deeper. Thisâthe recording, the unforeseen proddingâthis is exactly what you did not sign up for when it comes to being a published author.Â
You lug your bag over your shoulder, watching your manager Hunter drawing closer and closer to you behind the sparse huddle of ten odd people that have surrounded you.Â
âThatâs a weird coincidence.â You mumble to the girl who is still expecting a better response from you, before adjusting your sunglasses and letting Hunter pull you closer to herself.Â
But before you can fully walk away from them, you catch a round of murmurs between the girl who was recording you and her friend.Â
âShe totally got flustered when you said his name!â
âI know right? I think itâs true.â
âWhat a fairytale if it isâŠâ
âž»
You donât even wait for her to fasten her seatbelt before you ask Hunter, âWhat was that about?â
She clears her throat. Odd.
Because Hunter never clears her throat like that.Â
âJust some fansâŠyâknow, excited to see you.â
âNo, that was definitely very strange,â you say, already unlocking your work-phone to go through any important emails or texts that you must have missed. There are none. âAwh, come on Hunty, just tell me what it is! I donât see anything specific in the mail.â
Hunter peels her eyes off from the road, only momentarily, to give you this very plastic, very fake grin.Â
âI think itâs best if you hear that from your beloved publicist.â
Instantly, you feel all the radiance and heat that you had nurtured under your skin on your vacation perspire at the back of your neck.Â
âIsâis it something serious?â you ask, âNo, butâŠJungkook would tell me if something terrible happened on the publicity front, wonât he?â
Hunter sighs, rubbing her brows with this given-up look she gives you each time you show even an ounce of trust towards your friend and publicist Jeon Jungkook.Â
âAll Iâm gonna say is this,â Hunter says, slowing the car down at the red-light, âyou trust that bunny-teethed boy way too much.â
Your head oscillates from Hunter, your manager, on your right to Khadija, your literary agent on your left before finally setting on your publicist whose ears are turning pinker with every moment passed without any words from you.Â
You try to exert authority in the roomâyou are their employer after allâby tightening your posture and holding your head high, but your sigh betrays you by shuddering right before you speak.Â
Three pairs of eyes turn to you, concerned and anticipating.Â
âA dating rumour.â You repeat Jungkookâs last words from before his smile had disappeared, bit by bit, as you sank down on the seat you are currently seated on when he said:
âOh, nothing serious. Mingyu has been spotted wearing and doing shit that is so much associated with you and your works that people think somethingâs going on between the two of you. Just a dating rumor.â
âA dating rumour.â You let your head fall back, contemplating consequences.Â
Beside you, Hunter snorts. âExcept it isnât âjust a dating rumourâ when the studio wants to milk this by casting Mingyu in the lead role for âThe Art of Youâ.â She turns to you, âSee I told Jungkook to control this when it startedâŠI knew something like this would happen.â
In front of you, your publicist scoots closer, trying to garner your attention away from your manager before she fully convinces you to fire him.Â
âBut think about it!â Jungkook insists, âthese are just fan-made theories from your readers that have no validity to themâŠit only stirs up interest among public and if the studio does decide to cast him, that only means more sales for us because his fans would certainly be rushing to their nearest bookstores to get your books to look for âcluesâ.â
Jungkook gives you an expectant look, before conclusively adding with a shrug.
âHis fans will gravitate to benefit you, your fans are already doing him a favor by hyping him up as Matthiasâthatâs basically cross pollination. Whatâs the harm?â
Beside you, Khadija quips in, âThe harm is, Jungkook, that I am trying to have the literary industry take her seriously. Dating rumors with a world renowned actor only brings unwanted attention to her personal lifeâŠand while it might work for actors, it is never favorable for authors.â
Hunter, who has been quite beside you for far too long, rests her head on her fist and sighs, âYou can never write a character thatâs an actor if this gains more wind than it already has. Scandal, scandal. Drama, drama.â
âNot just that,â Khadija adds to it, âin fact every book you write about romance will be taken by the public as a morsel of your love-life. Itâll be all âoh did she write this about him?â and nothing more.âÂ
You stare at Jungkook with a worried frown, waiting for him to present something more concrete than just âhigher salesâ in defense of these very valid concerns about the long-term consequences of this little rumor.Â
Jungkook straightens in his chair like heâs been waiting for this exact cue, palms pressed to his knees, eyes wide and earnest.
âOkay, okay,â he says quickly, holding up both hands before either ladies on your side can berate him more. âI hear you. I do. And youâre not wrong. All of that could happen. But it also doesnât have to.â
Jungkook powers through anyway. âFirst of all, no confirmation. No denial. We donât say a word. We let it fizzle on its own because people on the internet have the attention span of a goldfish with Wi-Fi.â
âThatâs optimistic,â Hunter mutters.
âItâs strategic,â Jungkook shoots back, then turns to you again. âSecond, this isnât a scandal. There are no blurry photos, no secret dinners, no leaked texts. The man wore a sweater and drank coffee like a civilian. Thatâs not dating, thatâsâŠautumn.â
Khadijaâs eyes widen with disbelief. âThat is not the only thing that has happened, youââ she turns to you, âheâs only mentioning the sweater incident because you heard about it at the airport. There have been far weird consequencesâŠitâs almost like Kim Mingyu is campaigning to get the lead role for all your books.â
âYeah, tell me why did that man have a whole magazine photoshoot wearing a pink linen shirt with blue orchids in a museum out of all places like thatâs not exactly how Nathaniel proposed to Evie in your book âMethod lovingâ.â
Jungkook jumps in to defend the guy like Hunter just personally offended him, âokay that magazine photoshoot was notââ
Hunter cuts him off, âsheâll always be known as the silly little romance author whoââ
âOkay I am going to stop you there because I have so many opinions about the phrase âsilly little romance authorâ.â
âOh get over it, you know what I meant.â
âEnough you guys!â You finally stand up, your hands firm around your hips. âI have heard enough.â
You bite your lip as your team shifts around you uncomfortably.Â
âI donât think thisâme being linked to a superstar romanticallyâis a good idea. It has too many long term shortcomings.âÂ
You cross your arms before your chest, fixing Jungkook in his place in front of you, âKookie, this should have been handled way before it snowballed to this extent. But bygones are bygones, I want you to handle the narrative before my new manuscript gets green-lighted to be released and before the production for the movie begins.â
Jungkook slumps a little, but nods regardless, already pulling his phone out to make calls and do what he does best. Hunter gives him that âtold you soâ smirk meanwhile Khadija has already forgotten the discourse as she flips through what is going to be your next best-seller.
It has been such a weird day. And while you were basking in the sunshine trapped deep inside your skin and the feel of the warm beach sand loose under your toes just a few hours ago, now all you want to do is take a suffocatingly hot shower, draw your curtains tight and sleep all the jet lag away.Â
But before you leave the living room as your team scrambles to handle the slight damage and prepare for all the big plans that would soon begin unfolding now that youâre back in business, you turn over your shoulder to give them one last verdict.Â
âCall the production house and tell them that I request them to cast literally anyone as Matthias but Kim Mingyu.â
Turns out, it is not so easy to just pick and choose the actors of your choice for your own story when a studio that is about to invest millions into it is involved. Especially not when the smarty-pants with finance degrees from Harvard and Yale at the said studio have already made predictions about the potential hefty gains that a particular casting would bring in based on the current metrics.Â
After a whole week of back-and-forths with the studio representatives over emails and calls that lasted for hours to no avail, they have invited you in for one last-ditch attempt to convince you about Mingyu because a sole disagreement is definitely not worth stalling such a profitable project over.Â
You enter the elevator in a daze, mumbling a quick 'thank you' to whoever was holding it for you without looking up from the freshly painted pink ribbons on your nails as you contemplate.Â
When you had spoken with the director and the casting manager some four days ago about considering someone else apart from the popular fan-vote by citing the example: âI mean, everyone wanted Sabrina Carpenter to play Rapunzel but that didnât happen, how about we consider someone else too? Someone new?â, they had tried to make peace with you by saying theyâll be casting a new face for the female lead.
And when you still insisted, they had told you that upon your earlier request, they had reached out to the agents of the actors whom they deemed would be a good call but all of them were either unavailable or nervous due to Kim Mingyuâs interest and his name being associated with the project for so longâwhich was just a professional way of saying that the (not so) little shit was most probably threatening other actors from taking the role.Â
Your nails dig into your fist at the very thought of such blatant bullying.
You are supposed to meet the director along with Kim Mingyu today to work out whatever it is that is worrying you. And even though there is a certain stubborn part of you that is convinced that thereâs no way you can be at complete peace with this casting, you are open to the possibilities.Â
The elevator door opens with a ping and you realized you never pushed the button for the floor that you were supposed to be on. Yet, here you are regardless. Perhaps the person in the elevator was also going to the same floor as you.Â
Whatever.Â
You begin walking out of the elevator and towards the directorâs office, feeling how the weight of someoneâs presence around you still hasnât shifted. You clutch your bag hard, not because you think it is about to be snatched in this multi-billion dollar building, but because you are intrigued about the person who has been walking just two steps behind you. Perhaps they are going to the room adjacent to the one you are supposed to be in, that would explain it. But you are too shy to look up and see for yourself who it isâŠan awkward eye-contact, that tight-lipped smile and a stuttered âhiâ...youâre doing everything to avoid it.
By the time you reach the directorâs office, you expect your companion to keep walking further. But a bigger, strong hand grabs the doorknob, twists it and opens the door for you. It is then when you blink up, confusedâŠonly to be greeted by a watered down version of the dazzling smile that has been a staple across billboards and advertisements ever since his debut in a blockbuster hit.Â
Kim Mingyu.Â
An unmistakable shiver runs down your spine at the sight of him so close to you. You look and feel so small compared to him. Not just in size, but the very charismatic and open warmth of him that is so large that it feels like a hug even though he isnât touching you.
He smirks, tilting his head just slightly and the world tilts towards himâyou feel your own gravity tipping further and further into him to a point that you have to clutch the doorway to station your balance.Â
âAfter you,â he mumbles in a gentle voice.Â
Your head jerks from his face, to the empty office, to the elevator then back to him.Â
âYou wereâŠinâŠâ you point to the elevator, âoh my gosh Iâm so sorry I didnât notice.â
âYeah, you have pretty poor spatial awareness.â He laughs, nudging you in and once you are both inside the office, he closes the door behind with a soft click.
You wait for him to say something else, or give you a cueâŠanything. But he doesnât. He simply walks around the small table, eyeing the several magazines and begins flipping through the one that has his face on its cover.Â
So cocky.Â
âI guess we are both before time.â You mutter under your breath, checking your wrist-watch before slipping your bag off your shoulder and taking a chair.Â
As if just like you, he had been waiting for a cue as well, you hear a chair scrape against the floor as he sits down after you.Â
Is he nervous?
You get the answer to that question when he slumps back with that comfortable kind of ease that makes the office seem like his bedroom. The way his legs stretch on either side of your tightly pressed ones, almost bracketing them under the table without touching doesnât go unnoticed by you. It is such a simple gesture, but it eases you nonetheless.Â
You busy yourself with nothing on your phone, just opening and closing your text messages, trying your best to conceal the shiver in your fingers from him. You donât look at him, not properly at least, but the two times that your eyes were able to make it past his broad chest and onto his face, you caught that soft smile as he watched you.Â
âSo,â he says lightly, finally breaking the silence, âwhy donât you want me to be in your movie?â
The question prompts you to look at him, your eyes wide and mouth slightly parted at the directness. Before you can rush to smooth this over by throwing some half-lies and diplomatic reasons at him, you notice the amused twitch in his lips and that playful glaze in his eyes. It makes you stare at him, for some reason, like it is irresistible not to.
Perhaps that is why he is such a successful actorâone cannot simply not look at him.Â
And because you are staring with such rapt attention, you finally catch it.Â
The slight mullet.Â
The linen white shirt.Â
Your mouth drops openâŠbecause he looks very much like a medieval Prince who has been cursed to live in the current timeline where he falls for an eccentric librarian who believes that her auntâs forgotten library is a time portal in itselfâwhich is exactly the plot of the book that you have just finished writing on your vacation and which is currently being edited to be released.Â
If someone had photographed him coming here looking like this, or if he decides to grow the mullet even more and lean into that Princely look, youâre going to have problems. A very specific, a very personal one because this would only stir the already overheated pot more.Â
And here he is asking you why donât you want to be associated with him?Â
Stupid.
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid!!
You realize the intensity of what kicking an actor as big and influential as Kim Mingyu might entail only after you have already hit his shinâhardâwith your wedged heel.Â
He instantly recoils his leg away from you with a confused scowl. âDid you justâŠâ he blinks, âwhat was that for!?â
âIt was an accident.â You hiss.
âNo it wasnât! You totally kicked me deliberately.â
âWell maybe stop spreading your legs in other peopleâs spaces!â
You can only wish he realizes the metaphor hidden in your statementâyou need him and the mention of his name around you to be gone.Â
Whatever banter that could have happened soon dissolves when the door creaks open and the director Izabelle, her assistant and the casting director join you with their polished smiles which are enough to tell you that they have come armed with all the tricks they can use to make this work.Â
But you are a tough cookieâat least thatâs what you tell yourself even though you are unable to scowl strictly, like how you planned to, and end up smiling at them instead.Â
Mingyu is already in a much better place confident-wise as he reaches forward to give them all friendly side hugs asking questions about their health, family and things that only people who have worked closely together might ask.
You feel awfully a lot like an outsider in a room of people who are meeting to discuss something that you created.Â
Thankfully though, Mingyu doesnât mention your weird behavior, just shrugs and ropes you into the conversation by saying âyeah we were just talking about thatâ on some topic that you definitely werenât talking about.Â
Once everyone is seated, you feel the energy shift a little. The discussions go on for a better part of the next hour with not a lot of inputs from Mingyu beyond an occasional grin that he shoots your way every time you talk about Matthias. So far, the discourse has yielded nothing concrete because you stand your ground about wanting a new actor to play Matt and Izabelle presents pretty compelling arguments against that.Â
So you re-strategize.Â
âIf heâs casted, then people will just see Kim Mingyu, not Matthias Knight.â
The directorâs assistant intervenes with the stats he must have jotted down on his tablet. âUh actually, our social media intern Olivia ran surveys and arrived at the conclusion that people are very much against anyone who isn't Kim Mingyu to play Matthias.â
Across from you, the actor shoots you a wink.Â
âYou believe your interns more than the writer of the story herself?â You feign offense.Â
The assistantâs eyes widen as he scrambles to apologize. âThatâs not what Iââ
âSo are you concluding that I can not play Matt without even seeing me act?â Mingyu interrupts, straightening his spine up to appear more serious, âI would say you are making unfounded assumptions against me if I didnât know any better. Do I not âlookâ like Matt to you? Because I have read him, and I know I can act like him.â
You roll your eyes, âWhy are you even here, Mingyu? Shouldnât it be your agent doing these negotiations while you go try to start new rumors about us.â
A weighted silence engulfs the room. You didnât mean to rip that band-aid off unwarned, you wanted to give him the benefit of doubtâŠbut youâre also tired of everyone tiptoeing around the obvious elephant in the room.Â
Mingyu blanches, scratching the back of his neck and shrinking a little. âIs it that bad?âÂ
The director Izabelle's eyes oscillate between you both, then to her assistant. âWait, am I missing something?âÂ
The casting director purses her lips tight, gesturing between you and Mingyu in this specific way with a quirk of her brows. Recognition flashes across the directorâs face.Â
âOhâŠthat,â she gulps, turning to you. âGlad you brought that up. We actually sensed that the recent gossip might have been the reason behind your aversion. But we actually have some solutions that weâd like to suggest.â
You shift in your seat, ignoring the weight of his eyes from across the table.Â
Izabelle's assistant takes the cue to start explaining. âBefore that, we have some clarifying questions. Are you both dating anyone currently?â
âNo.â You both speak in unison.Â
You werenât expecting Mingyuâs answer to put you at easeâbut it does. Maybe because it makes you worry less about some random partner of his hating your guts for how the internet swoons over the mere idea of you and him.Â
âAnd you are vehemently against the idea of people linking you with him romantically?â The question is directed to you.Â
âPrecisely,â you answer, your tone clipped, âit is too damaging for my career in the long term.â
Before the assistant can speak further, Mingyu interrupts him.Â
âScared of the spotlight?â He teases, circling the ring on his pinky with his thumb.Â
âNo.â you deadpan, âscared of the reputation of being an ex-girlfriend who writes sad books about how a superstar broke her heart.â
âWhy are you betting against us? You could be the girlfriend who writes happy books about how love triumphs all.â
âWe arenât dating, Mingyu.â You draw that line. âI write about fictional people. Not you. Not me. Characters. And Iâd rather remain that way.â
You know he was only teasing, but watching his smile fade by a beat makes you feel a little triumphant.Â
From your right, the assistant clears his throat drawing both your attention towards himself, âso, circling back to the issue at handâŠsince you are so against being associated with him, we are planning to crush out that rumor not by remaining silent or making any major statements, but through something that feels genuine and believable.âÂ
Mingyuâs fingers stop thrumming against the table, and it is only when it halts that you realize that whatever tune he was playing against the wood felt so relaxing to your ears.Â
âHow so?â He asks.Â
This time, it is the director who answers, âHow about the two of you present yourself as these really great friends to the public? We can push the story that you two met at a party and became friends, she began reaching out to you to ask you questions about the acting industry and your experiences to research for a book she was writing and you got close. Thatâs it. Donât act like lovers, but donât try to avoid each other either.â
The assistant adds, âyeah our intern Olivia, also concluded from her research that any hushed out narratives only fuel the general publicâs intrigue and if you both appear as âjust friendsâ, the interest might soon die down.â
âTo seal it shut,â Izabelle says, âwe can also have Mingyu romance the actress we cast as a publicity stunt. The chemistry between the two leads will intrigue the public more than that between the actor and the author.â
You feel a pang of something hot and heavy drop down in your gut when she says that, even though it shouldnât.
Mingyu shakes his head slowly as he gives his first serious input since this meeting started, his tone heavy with that sense of finality that leaves no room for negotiations.Â
âI donât do P.R. relationships.âÂ
OhâŠso this is where he draws the line? He has problems being shipped with his co-star which is often harmless and even motivatedâbut not a single one when he was giving the internet all that fodder by cosplaying your characters.
âThatâs fine,â the director raises her hands in surrender, âwhatever makes the two of you comfortable. Just let us know if this sounds good?â
You wrap your arms around your midriff, slouching a little. You fiddle with your pendant, trying to make sense of your thoughts and make a decision amidst this unspoken tension that has settled in the room and weighs down on you most of all the others.Â
The director tries one last ditch attempt. She calls your name softly, âLookâŠwe really want to make this movie and this issue is very fickle and manageable. The production house is dead set on casting Mingyu as the male lead, itâs too profitable to ignore.â
âAnd I really want to act in this movie.â Mingyu adds sincerely, his voice not at all authoritative, but a kind plea instead that pulls at your heartstrings.Â
Usually, you are very good at sensing things of that nature, but nothing in Mingyuâs soft request is accompanied by any ulterior motives. If anything, it seems like he is an honest admirer of your stories who wants nothing more than just to grab a chance of being a part of it when the opportunity has presented itself. Even though you know the production house is certainly being a little manipulative in this case, you are also aware of the truth that saying no to this might disappoint a lot of peopleâfans, investors, him.Â
But would it disappoint you? You, who had no real visions about a dream cast or things of that nature when the offer of turning your book into a movie was made to you. You donât harbor a grudge against him, not really. In fact, you would be lying if you said that your heart didnât surge with this warm, fuzzy, prideful feeling for a second when you got to know that the biggest actor in the scene right now was interested in and being considered for the role.Â
You draw in a deep breath, and hear someone slide something towards you. Mingyu passes you a glass of water with a low smile. âI swear I am not that annoying of a companyâŠyou just have to hangout with me a little and lie about being my bestie who lets me proofread her scripts and asks me for insider information.â
That manages to pull an honest smile out of you. You wrap your trembling fingers around the glass, cold condensation settles like relief over your sweaty palm.Â
âFine,â you mumble into the glass, an act that causes some of the water to slip past your lips and onto your chest.Â
Your eyes flick up to him, only to find his own unreadable ones slipping over the curve of your chest as the drops roll down and disappear into the sweetheart neckline of your dress.Â
You feel your skin heat up under the warmth of his attention and you fluster.Â
âI can work with that, but only if he loses the mullet.â You announce, but the words arenât yoursâŠthey're hypnotised, curious, needy as you continue staring at him.
Mingyu doesnât reply to that, just gives you that casual nod with his lips caught between his teeth that makes your stomach clench.Â
The fourth time you meet him for these orchestrated hangouts is two months into the production. It is one of those high-end cafes whose clientele includes anyone who is a someone. Playback singers to pop icons, all stripped off their usual glam and performance just sipping on the ridiculously overpriced matcha for brunch.Â
Youâve never been to places like these beforeâyou never had to. Even if they might have your book waiting face down on page 203 back home, anyone who isnât a superfan of yours passes you without as much as a second glance for they donât recognize you by face.Â
But it is different with Mingyu. With him, you cannot simply go to the local sandwich shop to âcatch-upâ. Because one, it is too performative and raises suspicion against the two of you only doing this to make a point when the pictures come out. And two, it is impossible for him to not get swarmed in public.Â
So Jungkook, your publicist, along with the public-relations team hired by the production house is tasked with searching for places like these where the paparazzi are always on the curb at some distance waiting like vultures with cameras while the indoors are private and quaint enough for no one to really bother you.Â
âI like this place because of the ambience.â Mingyu says, scarfing down the scrambled eggs you couldnât finish and wordlessly slid towards him.Â
Your fingers donât pause at your keyboard as you continue reworking the prologue for your final draft.Â
âI like it because I donât have to pretend to talk to you here.â
You hum, remembering how your cheeks ached after all the fake smiling you had to do when you last hung out with him in public knowing full well cameras were pointed at you.Â
It is rare for the two of you to do this aloneâusually, you have Hazel, the actresses cast against him as his love interest, along with you as you pretend to be just a bunch of friends hanging out after work and bonding over common interests.
But today, Hazel bailed last minute citing a mean headache that made her want to rest until her next schedule.Â
So here you are, hanging out with the guy you were rumored to be dating. The social media intern was right though, the rumor did die down when it lost all its heat because the real spiceâthe hidden signs, the speculations, easter eggs and drawing linksâis all gone, vanished into thin air.Â
So far, only Mingyu has been the one who was asked about it directly during one of his press tours because Hazel is too new to be getting interviewed in the industry and all the rare interviews that you give usually stick to the literary theme and is often approved by Jungkook before getting to you.
Mingyu handled it well, youâd give him that. Such a great actor, his body language didnât falter, not even once, while he gave them the parroted story about your friendship with enough charm and ease that it convinced most shippers to leave their accounts vacated.Â
Across from you, he finishes the last of your bagel before making a low sound that is akin to a whine.Â
âWhy are you so mean? This is the third time youâve gone for me, unprovoked, in the last hour.âÂ
You sigh, adjusting your glasses up your nose, âwhy are you so loud? This is the fifteenth time Iâve told you to shut it.â
That shuts him up. For a full two minutes.Â
âWhat are you working on?â
His voice comes out muffled as he rests his cheek on one of his fists.Â
Your lips twitch as you steal a glance at him from over your laptopâcheeks stuffed full of food as he chews soundlessly, eyes curious and expectant as he waits for you to answer. You had never really pegged him to be so cuteâŠbut he is, in that effortless way that makes him so endearing that it annoys you.Â
Because you shouldnât be feeling like this.Â
He is not your friend, not really. If anything, he is just another task, another meeting listed on your Google calendar that you have to mark off every two weeks.Â
âWish I could ask you the same but you never work.â
âCome on donât be like this,â he insists, dabbing a napkin across his lips. âWe are supposed to be friends.â
You donât think twice before blurting out. âYouâre not my friend.â
He flinches a little, just a slight twitch and all of a sudden the wall is back between the two of youâup and rigid.Â
You didnât know it was possible for a six-feet-two man to look like a kicked puppy, but the heartbreak on his face makes him look so small and harmless.Â
And it splits you open.Â
Because you hadnât meant to hurt him like thatâŠespecially when he has been nothing but cordial to you.Â
âLook, MingyuâŠIâm sorry,â you say, a little embarrassed and disgusted at your own snide as you slowly shut your laptop to face him fully. âI didnât mean it like that. Itâs justâŠI always choose my friends. That doesnât mean I wouldnât have chosen you; but just that we met upon such unfortunate circumstances and this was thrust upon us. I need some time to make sense of this, thatâs all.â
Something delicate flashes over the hurt in his eyes when he nods. You feel his thumb drawing small circles over the back of your palm and you realize that you had reached forward to hold his hand with both of yours while talking to him.Â
This.Â
This lack of control over your own emotions and reactions is what has made you so wary of the people around you and the relationships you have with them.
Especially people like himâfoolishly open and honest. Those who make life feel so simple and fluid. Those who know how and when to speak something and to whom.Â
Meanwhile with you, it is all or nothing. You either open your heart to them at moments like these or shut them out so cruelly before they can get a chance to perceive you and have some sort of understanding over you.Â
Because having someone know you makes you vulnerable. You hate being vulnerable.Â
You gingerly retrieve your palms away from his.Â
Maybe it is just a trick that your eyes and the dim lighting of the place plays on youâŠbut you think you see his long fingers stretch a little at the loss of your touch, almost as if he wanted to chase it and hold your hand between his bigger, more comforting one once again.Â
With him, and his eyes, touch and attention always pulled towards you, you feel magnetic.Â
âI get it.â he mumbles, drawing and undrawing the strings of his hoodie. âWe donât have to do this so often if that makes you uncomfortable.â
âI think it is the public aspect of it,â you reply, folding your arms under your chest on the table, âI have to put on this act of having known you for so long even though I barely know you, and I know it is so silly because this brunch is precisely the type of opportunity for me to get to know but IâŠâ
You sigh, rubbing the heels of your palms over your eyes. âI am sorry I am complicating this.â
âNo youâre not,â he shakes his head, âacting can be draining, especially if you donât feel the part you are assigned.â
You can see this additional layer of carefulness around him now⊠it is truly admirable how quickly he was able to adapt himself to make this easier for you once you told him what the problem was. You can hear caution laced in everything he says, like he is afraid of saying something that might push you further away from him and into a shell that people around you try to break all the time. But he doesnât.Â
The two of you work in silence for a few minutes after thatâhim reading and replying to some emails on his phone while you struggle to put what you feel and what you want the readers to feel by proxy in words. You havenât written anything worthwhile in a long, long time.Â
Occasionally, a few people stop by your table for a brief conversation with him as they come in or leave. All of them from the industry, all of them Mingyuâs friends. You do not stare at them, not obviously at least. But you do steal glances, your fingers pausing over your keyboard here and there to focus better on their effortless conversations. Pleasant and light and almost joyous.Â
Maybe it is just him making it easier for people around him to come talk to him, to adore him.Â
Or maybe it is just everyone except for you who realize that not every relationship is bound by rules and expectationsâŠthat sometimes, things just flow.Â
You give up when no matter how hard you rack your brain, you still canât come up with a proper opening.Â
Watching you begin to pack, Mingyu signals for the attendant and after paying for the meal and a hefty tip, he wordlessly slides your bag bulging with your books, planners and computer over the table and slings it on his shoulder.Â
He doesnât really reach out for you beyond his usual moony smile.Â
You halt before he can open the door, placing your hand over his own at the doorknob.Â
âI want to feel the part.â You say, watching his brows dip in confusion. So you clarify, a bit slower this time, âwhat you said earlier about not being able to act if you donât feel the partâŠwell, I want to do it, feel like your friend, I mean.â
You canât stop fiddling with the sleeves of your oversized jacket, but he looks so cool like he always does. No weird tension, no big deal at your little dramatic rant that could have just been a âMingyu I want to be your friend but I hate that we have to do this for cameras.âÂ
He just reaches down for your hand, squeezing it between his long fingers like telling you without words that he is very glad you asked.Â
âIâd love for you to feel like that.âÂ
You donât try to remove your hand from his hold this time.
âHow about lunch at my place this weekend?âÂ
(mingyuâs pov)
When you had invited him for lunch, it slipped your mind that you already had plans with Khadija, Jungkook and Hunter to go out for drinks on the weekend.Â
But this was your first attempt at forming something meaningful out of this situation that was birthed from chaos and mess. So you decided to meet with him anyways and after a full noon of cooking together and eating just half of all the dishes you had experimented on with him, you find yourself rushing to get ready in your room while he lounges outside on the couch in the living room, finishing the last bit of hummus that he had to salvage after you messed it up twice.Â
âI am so sorry for doing this Mingyu,â you huff out, getting out of your room in the shimmery pink scarf that you have tied for a top and your favorite pair of denim that hugs the soft dips of your curves without suffocating your flesh.Â
He peers his head over the armrest of the couch as he half lies on it, his mouth slightly parted with his long, dark hair falling messy over his head. You snort at his pleading doglike longing stare as it follows you around while you search for your strappy heels.Â
If you hadnât been so busy and actually looked at him watching you, you would have seen him shift uncomfortably at the sight of youâundone and dazed. Like you had done something to strip him of all of his senses just by getting all dressed up in a cheeky outfit and encasing a blushing joy under your skin.Â
Unaware of the effect you have on him, you flop down on the couch beside him, picking up the two earrings you had been debating between all day long and placing them on either ear before turning to him, âWhich one?â
He clears his throat, sitting up straighter and answers in a low voice, barely above a whisper. âThis one.â He smiles, pointing to the one with the pearls.Â
You sigh, satisfied that he chose the one you were leaning towards and put it on. Then, you loop the long chain of the matching pendant between your fingers and begin fastening it around your neck. Or at least, you try to. The lock keeps getting stuck in your strands or you keep losing hold of it.Â
He watches you struggle, this look of half amusement, half admiration at your little frustrated grunts before scooting closer to you. You feel his longer fingers enveloping your skin as he pulls at the chain and offers, âLet me.â
Wordlessly, you turn your back to him, bunching up the loose waves of your hair in a ponytail. Some of it manages to escape your hold, cascading down over his hands softly. He hitches for a moment, letting himself breathe in the scent of your floral shampooâjust one, little inhale that feels like a homecoming after eons of yearning. In the middle of your bare back, thereâs that big knot of fabric tied together holding your top in place and digging a little into your soft skin.Â
His eyes almost flutter shut, but he clutches the delicate chain of your jewelry and focuses on the little red mole below your left shoulder, using it as an anchor out of his dream where everything is suspended and senseless except for the idea of you in his arms while he kisses that mole over and over again.Â
âIâm sorry for cutting our day together short.â You mumble that apology again even though he has told you multiple times that itâs fine and you should go have fun. âI should be here spending time with you instead of running around getting dressed and ditching the afternoon we planned.â
âDonât apologize, really.â He says, placing his palms on your bare shoulders to signal that he is done. âBesides, after getting scolded by you last time I brought work to keep myself busy.â
He flips the script that he has to memorize for the scheduled shoot by Tuesday.Â
You beam up at the sight of it, âoh, what scene are you guys filming?â
âThe one with Matt and Allieâs first kiss.âÂ
âI wanna see what it looks likeâŠdid they change it significantly from the books?â
âUh, not really.â
But you are already practically glued by his side, reading the screenplay held in his hands. The press of your tender body against his rigid one makes his head spin as his mind floods with all the other places in his body that heâd love to feel you against. Your beautiful face between his hands, swollen lips stretched in that shy smile of yours as he kisses you. Your cushy chest mashed against his ownâheavy with need as you make out with him on top. Your smooth waist and how good it would feel to hold it while heâ
âShow me how youâre going to act this.â You beam up at him with this wonder in your eyes that makes him almost feel guilty of imagining you in ways that speak to the raging desires of the most depraved parts of his mind.Â
Almost.Â
Because Kim Mingyu likes you very muchâŠand he doesnât want to feel shy about wanting you.
If he did feel shy, he wouldnât have asked around to find out more about you, read every single interview you ever gave and every single book that you ever wrote after getting blown out by one of your novellas that he had read once on set just to pass time.
If he did feel shy, he wouldnât have asked his long term friend and your publicist Jeon Jungkook for intel about your upcoming books so he could alter his appearance to fit whatever characters you were falling in love with through your words.
If he did feel shy, he would have used his much stronger connections in the industry to shut down the dating rumors long, long time ago.
If he did feel shy, he wouldnât be so persistent about pursuing you after getting his ego bruised by your sharp humor multiple times.Â
On the contrary, heâd do anything to make himself deserving to be your lover.Â
Even if it means acting his ass off and delivering an Oscars-worthy performance in your living room just cause you asked him to, then so be it.Â
âSure,â he smirks, âbut I need a partner to act this scene out.â
âYeah I can do Allieâs lines,â you reply, tucking your hair behind your ear and gearing up for the job seriously, like you do not realize that this is a kissing scene heâs talking aboutâŠ
He hands the script over to you, telling you that he has already memorized his dialogues.Â
âDonât expect me to be a professional, I am just going to read this.â You give him a disclaimer, even though your shoulders are practically jumping with your bubbling excitement.Â
You make a show of clearing your throat and begin reading the description of the scene where Matthias is walking Allie back to her dorm from the library during an autumn evening, their last one on campus together.Â
Your voice slips into a softer cadence as the scene takes shape and Allie finally speaks, âMatt, do you ever feel like different moments of our life have different weights to them?â Your eyes flick up to Mingyu, you donât have to read this from a script, it is a dialogue that is etched forever in your heart. âLike if you let some of them slip along with the others, something will shatter when they fall?âÂ
âMatt slows down,â you continue, eyes skimming the page, âlike heâs afraid if they reach the dorm too fast, something will end before it has even begun.â
Mingyu shifts closer, like the blocking is already written into his bones, and speaks without the paper, without any hesitation. âSometimesâŠbut then I remember that it is us who assign meaning to these moments and not the other way around, yâknow? âDefine the circumstances, donât let them define youâ theory.â
Your breath hilts. For half a second you forget youâre supposed to be reading as he continues staring into your eyes. All the worries that you had about Mingyu not being to emulate Matthias evaporate that very instance because this man in front of you⊠he isnât the playful superstar basking in his hard earned glory and demanding what he deems fit. He isnât the skillful actor who has managed to convince half the world that he has been your close confidant for ages even though you have barely known him for two months. He isnât the clingy guy asking for attention in sneaky ways and finishing off your food with a pout like he was born to.Â
This is a man in love. With all the hearts bursting pink behind his eyes and that honest smile weighed down by devotion towards the woman in front of himâŠhe is Matthias who has been in love with Allie for as long as he can remember.Â
They werenât lying when they said Mingyu is a generational actor because holy shâ
âI know I am gorgeous to stare at, but read your lines!â The mask slips.Â
âOh okay,â you splutter, recovering your scattered thoughts. âAllie glances at himâŠshe wants to joke, but she doesnât. Her mouth parts, but no sound comes out. Then, finally, after theyâve stopped fully, she whispers, âI want to define this evening with you Matt.ââ
You lift your gaze again, meeting his. The room has shrunk down into a cocoon of warmth and forceâŠa force that is making the two of you shift closer and closer.Â
Mingyu is near enough now that you can see the tiny crinkle near his eyes when he speaks. âI want to define it too.â
âž»
(Mingyuâs POV)
Matt and Allie are supposed to kiss next. But Mingyu had stopped following the script way back when he forgot he is supposed to be acting after your big, kohl-lined eyes bound his soul and nudged it out of his ribs and into your palms some five minutes ago.Â
He doesnât lean in and continues to speak out of script, wondering at what point would you tear your wide, glassy, entranced eyes away from him and onto the script to notice that Mingyu has gone wayward from it.Â
âI am tired of pretending to be normal about you,â he says, his voice breathy and careful as he wonders if you think this is him improvising Matthias. âI am tired of acting like I donât want to give this a better name. I am tired of pretending to be just your friend like every inch of my skin doesnât ache to feel you closer than friends ever should.âÂ
He thinksâŠno, he knows that you have caught onto him because your lips part with a broken gasp of his name. How can you not? This is your story, your characters, of course you know Mingyu isnât Matt anymore. He hasnât been since that very first dialogue.
He didnât even try to be.Â
He waits for you to react by shifting away from him like you always do, by scolding him for crossing a boundary you have carefully put around yourself.Â
But you donât.Â
Instead, he feels your fingers shiver like they always do when youâre overwhelmed as they curl around the collar of his dark hoodie and you pull him towards yourself until there is no space left between the two of you.Â
Your lips, softer than he imagined and slippery with a thick coat of your tinted pink gloss, glide against his own slowly at first. So tender and bashful, like youâre not sure if this is something you should be doing.Â
But it is precisely what he wants you to be doing.Â
So he winds his arm around your waist while cradling your head into the other as he deepens the kiss. You blink, startled, when he pulls you so close that youâre sitting on him more than on the couch. But then, he feels you thaw against him as your body slumps over his harder one in surrender. Your strands tickle between his fingers as you continue to explore his mouth with your lips. Eager and hurried one moment, then fragile and uncertain the other.Â
He feels it in his very bones when you mumble his name against his lips like a prayer right before he angles your face to kiss your cheek and jawline better, your eyes fluttering close at the feeling of your own gloss on his lips now ruining your makeup.Â
Those same eyes fly open when in a fit of passion, his fingers dig into the flesh of your bottom with this steady heat and he gives it a firm squeeze before flipping you so that youâre flush on your back on the couch as he hovers above youâall ragged breaths and stained mouth.Â
The cold metal of the pendant he helped you tie gathers under your chin.Â
Mingyu eyes it with his lidded gaze before dipping his head down and kissing the little pearl encased in its golden shell, effectively planting a hot, open-mouthed kiss on your throat. He moves down to kiss each swell of your breasts as you writhe before returning back to your face to make out with you again.Â
Your breaths tangle together like hot steam meeting unforgiving fog leaving everything around itself wet and parched at the same time.Â
For a second, he worries that heâs crushing you with his body-weightâyou are so much smaller than him! But you whine like youâre complaining, your brows furrowing with this needy urge when he shifts away. You wrap your thighs around his waist and pull him back closer, all while keeping your mouth attached to him.Â
Just when youâre beginning to rut against his hipsâa small, stuttered movement that refuses to be contained in your shy bodyâyou both hear the loud gasp of someone else in the room.Â
Mingyu is quicker to recover than you as you simply freeze in this utter mortification, your fingers hooked over his shirt with such intensity that you might rip the fabric off. Mingyu doesnât pull away from you instantly, but he does make the both of you sit upright, gathering you in his warm arms as Hunterâs eyes bulge out of their sockets.Â
âWhaâŠyouâŠwaitâŠâ She stammers while you shrivel up.Â
Youâre still tangled with him with your thighs pressed against his and his arm looped around your upper body keeping you straight up as you continue brushing nothing out of your hair.Â
âI called you butââ
You put an end to the awkwardness when you manage to pull your reluctant limbs away from him, grabbing your purse out of the chair and jog over to her, dragging her out with yourself.Â
âI was just helping him rehearse a scene!â You explain before disappearing out of the door.Â
Mingyu wants to call out your name to tell you to enjoy the evening⊠or maybe that this kiss was nothing short of âeverythingâ for him⊠or maybe to tell you that you are leaving your house unlocked with him still inside of it.Â
But the heat of the kiss and of the moments that led up to it has already melted all his words and senses.
Mingyu spends the rest of the eveningâall five hours that youâve left him here aloneâcleaning up your space. Of course, he doesnât dare touch your bedroom. But he does wipe the kitchen counter clean off all the sauces you spilled while cooking with him. He washes the dishes, carefully wiping every single one of them with clean towels before storing them methodically in the cabinets before packing up the leftovers in glass dishes and aluminium foils in your refrigerator. He organizes all the books you were showing him earlier back into their place but not before dusting the entire small library of yours clean. He vacuums the rug in the living room and then sprays disinfectant around all the surfaces just for good measure.Â
Once the place breathes fresh and smells like a clean home where you could relax better, he allows himself to slouch down on your couch. The same couch where you had held onto him like he was your anchor in that kiss that hit you both like a tsunami. The same couch where you had said his name, moaned for him, like it meant something. The same couch where you told your friend you were just helping him practice his lines at.Â
The memory of your flustered self blurting out that excuse makes him chuckle.
Do you even realize just how unintentionally sexy you are?Â
Because if practicing his lines with you always entails the scorching make-out session that had followed, heâd fire all his acting instructors and work with you full time for that little reward.Â
He hears the fragile giggles and the unfocused click-clacks of heels hitting the tiles behind it before he sees the front door open as you practically spill inside. Your hair is messy and catching between your lips, a kohl on your right eye smudged at the heel of your palm and those little laughs that bubble straight out of your chest, making the entire home throb with a pulse of its own.Â
With you, life returns to every inch of it and it no longer matters how clean or messy your apartment is.Â
You try kicking your heels by the door like one would do with their sneakers, getting frustrated with each passing second when they donât come off. You lean against the doorway, trying to lodge your fingers into them and jerk them away, forgetting that theyâre the strappy kind whose straps you had tied all the way up your shin.Â
He walks over up to you with a smile that is impossible for him to hide and crouches down. One of his large hands comes up to hold your waist as he stations you in place, meanwhile the fingers of the other one work around the thin knotted ropes on your legs, carefully tugging it open. He runs his palm reverently over the imprints it left on your skin and you sigh when your blood flows normally again under the warmth of his touch. Then, he proceeds to do the same with your other leg all while you remain clutching his hair to maintain your balance.Â
Just as he places the heels in a tidy corner, Hunter enters your apartment too after paying the cab below. Not as drunk, but definitely buzzed.Â
âOh, youâre here.â She mumbles, too embarrassed from the earlier encounter as he straightens up and you slump against his chest. âShe didnât drink as much as it seems like, sheâs just very lightweight.âÂ
Mingyu feels you smush your face deeper into his cushiony chest, your hot breaths graze through his shirt as you continue taking deep drags of his perfume. He rubs your back like you are something so precious to him at this moment and doesnât even ask you if you can walk. He simply goes ahead and lifts you in his arms, containing you like youâve never been before.Â
Upon Hunterâs instructions, he carries you to the ensuite in your bedroom. She tries to make you stand up straight and brush your teeth while he makes your bed and fluffs your comforter outside. When you continue insisting against it, refusing to coordinate and demanding your computer because you just had an insane idea about a new story, Hunter walks out, clutching her forehead.Â
âItâs okay, you rest. Iâll take care of her.â He offers without even thinking twice.Â
Hunter considers it for a moment, but the raging headache makes this seem like an offer too generous to pass. She slips into your bed that he just made, leaving some space for you.Â
âI helped her change into her pajamas.â Hunter hums, âjust make sure she brushes her teeth and drinks some water.â
When Mingyu walks into the bathroom, leaving the door ajar to ease her concerns if Hunter had any, he finds you sitting on the lip of the bathtub, swaying a little while narrowing your eyes to focus on the glaring screen of your phone while your fingers furiously type in your notes app.Â
Your spectacles are pushed up against your hair, which is obviously making it harder for your eyes to focus. He wraps an arm around you to still you before you can slip into the bathtub and pulls the glasses back in front of your eyes. Instantly, in his embrace, you relax, forgetting whatever new novel you had begun working on as the phone skids out of your fingers and onto the bathroom rug.Â
He places it back on the sink as you slur, your lips pressed close to his shoulder, âHead is hurting.âÂ
âThen let us take this off.â He says, removing your glasses. âHow does washing your face sound right now?â
âTempting,â you hum, âbut it's so coldâŠ.â
âWe can use warm water baby.âÂ
âAnd will you hold me? I love being heldâŠespecially by someone big and warm, like you. But I live alone so I have no one to hold me.â
Mingyuâs brows jump up in awe as you pout and complain. In your dynamic, he has always been the clingier one, the one who overshares random facts about himself to you at midnight citing the necessity of friends knowing these little details about each other, something you often ignore and leave on read.
You are the smarter one, the wittier one with dry sarcasm and hard set boundaries that you make sure everyone around you knows and respects. Variant and resolute and oh so beautiful even when you hide that bewitching smile by pursing your lips hard.Â
The fiercely intelligent writer who writes about love like sheâs the only one who understands the concept of it. A master of stories who speaks about the underlying themes of her tales that not a lot are able to grasp but when they do, it leaves them aching to create something akin to her works.Â
But like this, so open and small in your teddy-printed pink pajamas as you stare up at him with your expectant doe-eyes, it makes you look so heartbreakingly human.
And yet, his devotion only surges as he carefully helps you up and makes you stand against the sink between his arms on either side. He doesnât trap you, he contains you. He keeps you from falling over nothing by holding you by your waist with one arm and brushing your teeth with the other.Â
âThere you go,â he praises when even in your dazed state you follow his command of spitting the froth out.Â
But instead of rinsing your mouth with the water cupped in his palm, you turn to him, lips still stained with the toothpaste as you grumble, displeased.
âAre you going to do that with her too?â
He blinks, âwho?âÂ
âHazel,â you pout, âare you going to kiss her like you kissed me too?â
A low laugh escapes out of his chest, he brings the water closer to your lips and you obediently comply while he assures. âNo sweetheart, never.â
âYou are always laughing at me.â Your words come out garbled as you swish the water lazily around your mouth.Â
âOkay, no talking until weâre done here,â he states, âand I only laugh because one, you are adorable and two, laughing is my nervous tick and you make me nervous.â
He gently splashes the warm water over your face and you clench your eyes shut, letting him wipe your skin with his careful palms before dabbing it with an equally cozy towel.Â
âMe? I make you nervous?â You ask as he puts little drops of moisturizer over your skin before rubbing it in with his gentle fingers. âStop shitting me Kim Mingyu, you basically run this world.âÂ
And yet I malfunction when it comes to you, he wants to sayâbut doesnât. Because the more his fingers massage the knots in your shoulders while rubbing your vanilla scented lotion into your skin, the more you doze off against him.Â
By the time he finally gets you into bed with Hunter, his muscles feel heavy from the confession he has stitched deep inside of himself. It hits him like something inevitable when your breath grazes his fingers as he tucks the comforter over your chest and he realizes just how badly he wants days and nights like these to become a regular occurrence every day. Till the end of his days.Â
(the readerâs POV)
Things have been weird between you and Mingyu since he hung out with you for lunch and ended up taking care of you when you returned home drunk. You donât expect it to be back to how it used to be between the two of you, not after you dragged him in for a kiss and almost dry humped him on your couch.Â
But you also didnât expect him to bail out on this little picnic situation with you, Hazel and Izabelle, calling it âtoo phony.â
His demeanor towards you hadnât changed though, not even a bit. But the two of you have since spent only some time together, here and there, on the set and in private, away from the cameras. And when you had steeled your nerves enough to ask him if he regretted kissing you, he had just tilted his head and said no.Â
That should have been the end of it.Â
You initiated a kiss in the heat of the momentâhe is an attractive man and you were acting out a very romantic scene.
And then he kissed you back in an even hotter momentâbecause you were all dolled up and again, he was too acting out a very romantic scene.Â
But itâs not.Â
Because it feels like things have been left unsaid and incompleteâŠa painting of something beautiful abandoned midway through.Â
So, when he texts you, inviting you for this get together he is planning with the team at his place to celebrate the filming being finished halfway, you donât think twice before letting him know that you want to come earlier than the rest to help him set up and return the favor of him cleaning your apartment and tending to you in your drunk state.Â
You smooth over your dress one last time before pressing the doorbell to his penthouse expecting a smiling assistant or his manager to open the door. But it is the sight of all six-feet-two of him in a lemon-printed apron dusted with flour that lets you in with his usual grin.Â
âI only smile so much because you make me nervous.âÂ
You arenât sure if he actually said those words to you or if you read them somewhere and dreamed it up.Â
Regardless, you feel your confidence shrinking with every step you take inside of his house. You are unable to meet his eyes when you hand him the champagne you brought in and only give him a faint, fake smile when he thanks you for it.Â
What made you think youâd be able to order him around or be sarcastic with him like you used to after you practically used him like your lipstick remover the last time you two were alone?Â
But this is Mingyu, and this is what he doesâŠmaking people feel at ease around him is almost a skill inherent to him.Â
So he works around you without any tense glances or snide remarks, just brimming with joy as he asks for your opinions about what tablecloth would look better with the flowers he had chosen.Â
Youâre both cutting up the fruit for the decoration of the enormous cake he has baked, two hours until the guests start arriving, when your resolve breaks.
âWhy do you not come to the scheduled outings anymore, Mingyu? And donât tell me itâs a âschedule thingâ because we had this planned months ago.â
His knife pauses midway through the strawberry. He presses it harder when he answers, âI told you, I think weâre overdoing that now.â
Then, he turns his back to you to open the fridge and check up on the iced-cake even though he did that not more than five minutes ago.Â
âWeâve made our point,â he says, âno one, other than a handful of obsessive fans who will always be there, is shipping us anymore. It's a forgotten buzz, they wonât even hint at this during the press tour.â
You ignore his explanation. âIs it because I kissed you? Is that why youâre avoiding me?â
He turns around, an unmistakable confusion etched deep into the creases of his face. âWhat? Whereâs that coming from?â
âYou tell me.â You snap, pressing the lemon youâve been squeezing for the meringue harder than you need to. âWe only meet in private nowâon set! Did I actâŠdid I act inappropriately when I was drunk? Oh God, noâŠdonât answer thatââ
You try to stop the tears but theyâre thereâ fluid, hot and stubborn. You make the mistake of wiping your eyes with the same fingers that you were working on the lemons with. The sting is an instant burn, making you cry out more in pain.Â
âOh fuck.â Mingyu is by your side in a flash, leading you to the sink and washing your eyes for you. âItâs okayâŠitâs okay, just let it outâŠitâll subside.â
But it doesnât. Because your eyes arenât the only organs that hurt. Your chest has been caving in since that very day, hollowing your ribs and wringing you inside out.Â
Mingyu helps you until the sour pain dissipates, carefully washing your eyes and wiping your face with a towelâan act that brings back the memories of the night you ruined everything with him by failing to control your extremes.Â
This is why you donât let people in. Because whenever you try to, you ruin whatever pure thing you could have had with them by acting reckless.Â
You bite the inside of your cheek until you feel the metallic taste of blood burst on your tongueâanything to prevent any more tears from slipping out.Â
But they do and Mingyu only hugs you close into his chest, holding you away from the world, away from your own ruinous thoughts until your breathing evens out. You clutch onto his hoodie harder, because if he didnât hate you earlier, you know that he definitely does now. He might not even want to hangout with you in private after you just ruined his merry plans for a hearty get together by putting him in an awkward spot and crying in his kitchen just hours before it.Â
You try to press yourself closer into him, trying to overdose on the feeling of him, on the scent of him before you lose the right to consume it. Before he decides never to speak with you.Â
You feel his breath fan over your hair when he speaks, âYou didnât do anything wrongâŠGod, how could you ever? I am so sorry for making you feel that you did, sweetheart.â
His palm rubs over your back.Â
âYouâre lying,â you hiccup, âitâs okay, you donât have to. Just tell meââ
âShh, listen to me.â He pulls you away so that you can face him and immediately winces at the sight of your red-rimmed eyes and creased forehead. âI wasnâtâŠI wasnât improvising that day when I said all those things to you.âÂ
Your fingers curl over his wrists as he cups your face.Â
âI wasnât acting. I wasnât playing Matthias.â he confesses, âeverything I said that wasnât in the script, and even what was in there, it was me talking to you.â
He licks his lips before resting his forehead against yours, âI am not normal about you.â
The image of him from that day on your couch, moments before the kiss, saying those same words that entranced you to act on your suppressed desires towards him, flashes behind your fluttering lids.Â
âI havenât been, for long.â He says, âever since I read the way you write about love. Ever since I saw you lost in your own thoughts in that elevator, too occupied by your own worries to give a damn about who else was in there with youââ
âYou didnât even make a sound!â You interrupt, laughing through tears.Â
âBecause I was too afraid to disturb you,â he smiles, âI held my breath all the way up.â
âOh GodâŠâ
âI am a goner for youâŠdesperate and patheticâŠI ache for you to touch me and smile like stupid when you consider me worth talking to because Iâm nervous of saying something stupid in front of someone as smart as you. Like even right now, I donât know if I am able to express my love for you as well as the leads in your books do.â
A broken, ugly sob emanates out of your lips, filling the floaty space between you both. His thumbs come up to catch your tears before they fall onto the ground, like even they are precious to him.
âWords arenât my thing,â he says, âbut theatricsâ thatâs what I am good at. Good at pretending to be like the characters from your books. Good at pretending to be fine with just being your friend. But not anymoreâŠnot after Iâve experienced what holding you feels like. Not after I have felt your body slump against mine, all unguarded yet safeâŠI canâtââ
His voice dies down, and you sense how it is not always easy for Kim Mingyu to talk, just like how it is not always easy for you to finish all your stories.Â
But you want to give this one the happiest ending, you want to see the boy with the moons in his eyes in front of you smile like he did when you had kissed him stupid.Â
So you stretch up on your tippy-toes and bury your fingers into his hair to pull him closer. The kiss this time around is nothing like its predecessor. While your first kiss with him had felt like a test, moody and unreal, this one hits you like an explosion. A confirmation of everything your soul had suspected each time youâd find him looking at you with those dreamy eyes. Like the final bow on a Christmas present that you spent all year thinking about.Â
Your lips move a little frantic against him, like your body is having a hard time processing this new onslaught of information. Kim Mingyu is in love with you? The idea makes you smile against his lips.Â
His arms explore the length of your waist before travelling down to wrap around your thighs and then, he pulls you up, making you lock your legs over his hips and behind his back. That deepens the kiss like never before, making your bodies slot so well against each other that your heartbeats begin to sync on their own.Â
He kisses you like he is completing his confession directly against your tongue, and you respond to it with an eager understanding. The haze he concocts around you is so thick that you donât even notice it when he has you pressed against a wall.Â
Only when he removes his lips from yours, and begins to take a step away from you that you feel your back slide against the cold, hard brick surface. His breathing is uneven and hot against your wet lips as he visibly strains himself from something.Â
But it seems like you are on an agenda to break his resolve when you hook one of your legs around him again, pull him closer and moan against his jaw. âMore, MingyuâŠplease.â
He doesnât speak, but his hands do wrap back around you like a reflex, grounding you in the present moment. This quiet, surreal tension sits heavy behind his ribs. He knows so well that by âmoreâ you donât mean that you just want him to kiss you more, but everything that follows too.Â
Yet, he wants to hear it from you. You can see that desperate plea in his eyes as he hovers around you, not quite touching, giving you space to gather your thoughts and just ask.Â
Always the gentleman, always so careful with you...especially with you.
âMingyu,â you breathe, âcan weâŠplease?âÂ
âRight now?âÂ
âRight here.â you gulp, âpleaseâŠI really want to.â
âFuck sweetheart, donât beg. I could fucking die for you if you asked me like that.â
âIâve dreamt about you taking me up against a wall far too many times than I should admit,â you mumble bashfully, feeling the blood rush to your face, but nothing can seem to stop you anymore.Â
You feel his fingers tighten over your hips as he closes his eyes and sucks in a sharp breath. When he opens them again, the heat from his gaze locking with your needy one sends something dangerous to curl around in your veins and settle into your abdomen like a low flame.Â
A flame that transforms into a wildfire when places a feathery kiss over your lips before falling onto his knees before you. He kisses you all over your hips, your upper thighs while his palms slide up and down over your smooth legs, making you whimper as heat pools in your core. He keeps his eyes steady on you while hooking his fingers around your underwear which has gotten so wet that it is practically useless and slides them off your legs and stuffs them into the back pocket of his jeans.Â
You donât even get a moment to breathe before he is burying his face under the skirt of your dress and kissing your core harder than he has ever kissed your lips.
Your head hits the wall with that first, long swipe of his tongue over your swollen folds and you find yourself bucking your hips in a confused motion when he repeats it over, and over again.Â
His lips gently wrap around your pulsating clit and he sucks, knocking whatever air was trapped inside your lungs out of your body with a hitched cry.Â
One of his freakishly long arms comes up, mapping your skin on its way, before settling over your abdomen in a way that keeps you from losing balance as he makes you put your thighs over his shouldersâall while eating you out like a starved man. Â
âYouâre so fucking sweet baby,â he groans as his tongue caresses more wetness out of you, âsweeter than I ever imagined.âÂ
The fact that he has imagined this too makes your head spin, leaving you at a loss of coherent words.Â
"I think I am going to get addicted to this."
You feel his fingers tighten over your flesh when upon a particular pressure of his tongue over you, you squeeze his face inadvertently between your thighs.Â
âMingyuââ you gasp, feeling him place a lazy, open mouthed kiss over your clit before his mouth travels down a little, now teasing your opening with his slick tongue while his nose nudges against your thrumming nub.Â
He grunts even louder when his tongue slips past your entrance and the sound of it, raw and rough between your thighs, sends you over the edge earlier than you were anticipating. He continues to lick you, throughout your shuddering release, and even as black begins dotting your wide-eyed vision, you trust him to not let you fall as you succumb to this raw pleasure as he continues worshipping you with his tongue to his heartâs desire.
âž»
(Mingyuâs POV)
By the time he is able to convince himself to detach his mouth from your sweet, drenched core, you have gone listless and sweat-soaked above him. Holding himself back from kissing youâany part of youâhe realizes, isnât his strongest skill. He carefully places your legs back on to the ground, holding you by your waist because you keep on quivering, he barely manages to wipe his mouth clean with the back of his palm before youâre slumping against him like you always do when you let your guard down around him to let him unravel you like a miracle only he gets to witness.Â
You squeeze him hard between your arms, mumbling little âthank yousâ and âmine, all mineâ while his hands explore your curves, slow and trembling.Â
He canât believe he just got to do thatâŠwhat did he ever do to deserve to have you fall apart in his arms, right on his tongue, like you just did.Â
His fucked out smile is so full of glee as he buries it in your neck. The tent in his jeans strains harder than ever and judging by how you are basically coiled around him like a second skin, he knows you feel it too.Â
So it isnât much of a surprise when he feels your hips begin jerking against him, desperate and erratic. He lodges his thigh between your own, making you yelp as you feel the rough fabric of his denim right against your naked folds. It is so rough and harsh, but you canât stop rubbing yourself against him, not even when a patch of it begins staining with your glossy wetness.
He lets you rut against his thigh, his tone encouraging when he whispers, âGo on baby, ride me like thatâŠtake all that you need from me, itâs all yours.âÂ
You bury your tears-soaked face between his collarbones, your nimble fingers working unfocused over the buttons on his shirt as your second release inches nearer. You are so close to coming that you feel it soak every single nerve in your body, gliding past all twitching muscles as they clench around nothing. Your fingers twist around his shirt, your teeth clamping down on his skin and your nails dig at his biceps but right before the band snaps, he jerks his thigh away and replaces it with his fingers.Â
The crash is so confusing and overwhelming that you donât realise he has slipped two fingers past your entrance as the orgasm spirals through you like angry waves lapping the edge of an overflowing sea.Â
It is only when you clench around him almost suffocatingly that it hits him of how unprepared you areâeven after two orgasmsâto even handle his two fingers inside of you.Â
âBabeâŠâ he whispers in your hair, almost apologetically, âare you okay?â He pulls apart, just an inch, to look at your face. âAm IâŠam I hurting you?â Â
You shake your head vehemently, ânoâno, god, no. JustâŠslow, please?âÂ
âOf course,â he nods, wiping your tears with his thumb, âof course baby, we go how you say.â
With that, he begins pumping his fingers in and out of you, slowly and steady, until you sigh with the stretch instead of whimpering because of it. He massages your clit with his thumb in tight, controlled circles to ease it even more. And once youâve stopped flinching each time he scissors his fingers inside of you, he begins setting a maddening tempo and curling his fingers against your walls to find the spot that makes you shake the most.Â
You double over at a certain brush of his fingers while heâs playing with your fragrant tresses between his free hand. The reaction makes him repeat it, just to test it outâŠand this time, you choke on your own breath. He smiles realizing that itâs this spot that he should be aiming for when he buries himself inside of you next and pulls his fingers out of you to avoid further stimulating you.Â
He allows you to catch your breath as much as you can while he slowly undoes the zipper of his denim, keeping his eyes locked on your glazed ones. Heâs smiling again, and this time, you know itâs not because heâs cocky, but because heâs nervous of somehow doing something wrong with you.Â
One of your arms comes around to soothe his neck assuringly as he pulls himself out of the restraint of his clothes meanwhile the other wraps around his length. You move your wrist over it in slight, jerky movements, feeling it twitch and leak at the tip with precum and your mouth visibly waters. His lips part in wonder when you spit on it without a warning, jerking his cock even more before looking up at him with those same, begging eyes.Â
He swiftly removes your dress in a smooth motion, undoing your bra shortly after to join the rest of your clothes on the floor. His own shirt follows suit, but then he runs out of patience and hoists you up by the curve of your thighs.Â
It is admirable, how your bodies synchronize in this harmony because you are following all his cues without any instructions by wrapping your arms tight around his shoulders, feeling your sweat soaked skin slide against his tanned muscles.Â
âSure you donât want me to take you to bed?â he asks one last time, sliding his length up and down your folds, coating himself with your excess wetness that leaves no requirement for a lube.Â
âNo, do you?â You reply, before adding in a smaller, more worried voice, âam I too heavy for this?âÂ
âSweetheart, I can stand here carrying you all day, all night and then some more if it means that I get to bury myself in that irresistibly tight cunt of yours over and over again.â He whispers, kissing you sweetly as you blush, âI was just asking to see if youâre comfortable like this.â
âI am,â you tell him with an honest smile, ânow pleaseâŠjust, fuck me.â
His laugh comes out raw and hazy, like smoke when he says, âalways so polite, my sweet girl.â
âž»
(the readers POV)
That is the last thing you are able to hear before you feel him angle his cock in a way that just the tip of it enters your fluttering hole. He isnât even halfway in, but fresh tears are beginning to gather around your lashes because the stretch is a burn youâve never felt before.Â
âYou okay?â He asks, his voice strained.Â
âYeâŠyes,â you blabber, âdonât stop, Mingyu. KeepâŠkeep going. It hurts more if you stop.â
You think each time you open your mouth, it undoes some latch within him that unleashes something ferocious and dangerous in him. You make a mental note of being vocal with himâitâs not like you have any choice when you can barely keep anything in as he continues filling you with all the glorious length of him.Â
And once he is fully inside of you, flushed with hips pressed hard against yours, you feel your nails drag against his back as you struggle to make sense of it all sandwiched between his hot, rigid body and the cold tile.Â
Your ankles lock tighter over the waistband of his jeans when he pulls back only to thrust back in harder. Thereâs an unspoken urgency now as the clock ticks behind youâone which makes you meet his thrusts by bouncing the best you can while pressed down like this. Hard muscles flex under the tanned skin of his biceps as he aids your movements while fucking you raw against the wall.Â
His mouth finds yours with a fierce gravity while your bodies move against each other in a drunk tandem of their own. Midway through the kiss, he hits that spot againâthe same one that had made you see stars just a few moments ago and this time, when itâs the bulbous tip of his dick that bullies it over and over again, you find yourself squirting all over the place.Â
He breaks the kiss midway to stare down where your bodies are connected, watching your overused folds stretched out around his thick cock while you continue to drench him.Â
âI am sorryâŠI am soâŠso sorry,â you cry out but do nothing to stop yourself from drowning in this sea of hot white lust.Â
âSweetheart, never apologize for that,â he says, his own stomach clenching when you grasp him tighter, âI wanna see you make a mess, it only means I made you feel so good, didnât I?â
âYes Mingyu,â you bite down on his shoulder as his fingers come down to fiddle with your clit, âyou make me feel soâŠso good.âÂ
âThen take it baby, take it all like the sweet girl you are.â
It shouldnât turn you on to the point of insanity when he calls you a sweet-girl while bullying your cunt with his dick until you feel him in your very guts. But it does. Godâit does to a point where you lose control over everything when you fall apart again with the prayer of his name riding your lips like it is the only word you ever learnt. In that heady, charged space that reeks of sweat, sex, him and you, he follows suit too, half in you and half out of you as he slips out, jerking himself rough until his hot semen makes a mess between your thighs and over your abdomen. Â
You whimper at the sticky, warm feeling and the sound twists something carnal in his chest. Your toes barely touch the hard ground below before he is turning you around and having you arch for him bare with your sweaty palms planted over the wall.Â
You think he is going to fuck you again, like this, from behind. But he just kisses the mole you know you have below your left shoulder and kneels back down. You feel his steamy breath over your ruined core.Â
âYouâre so pretty baby,â he whispers, and you feel his words against your skin as he parts your flesh to reveal the evidence of what just happened to his lustful eyes, âand youâre mineâŠall of this, all mine.â
(a year later)
You brush your fingers through his hair as he cuddles closer to your chest after your night routine of him helping you put lotion over your body. It is the night before a major literary award show of yours as you relax together with him in your hotel room, barely catching any sleep.Â
Not because of nerves or excitement, but because your heart keeps doing somersaults inside your chest remembering that little clip you saw before. Youâre itching to see it again and you know Mingyu hasnât dozed off either judging by the little kisses and his attempts to suckle on your nipples through the silk of your nightgown.Â
So you break your own rule of no phones in the bed after seven in the evening by grabbing it from the dresser and quickly searching for it to play the clip again. You smother him with your chest in the process, but heâd be the last one to complain in this scenario as he grins like an idiot, pulling you closer.Â
The screen flashes with a bright light in the dark room and he whines when it pierces his tired vision. But you donât care, you want to hear the pride in his voice again when he had said thatâŠyou want to see the way a light pink blush had settled right under his eyes at the mention of it.Â
It is a short clip plucked out of an interview he gave at the red carpet of an award show last month. The interviewer asks him in a cheery voice towards the end of the segment, âAny celebrity crushes right now, Mr. Kim?â
And without missing a beat, he gives the camera his honest smile, the one he often only shows around youâunpolished, real, nervous, before answering.
âYeah, my missus.âÂ
Someone snipped it out of the whole interview and posted it across different platforms where it has now garnered millions of views and hundred-thousands of comments. Each time you look at it, you canât help the warm giggle from bubbling out of your lips as you read through the comments which are all overwhelmingly positive.
âOkay I am reporting that one for false information because that was the other way around!â You seethe, sitting up as best as you can with his strong arms caging you. âYou should hold a press conference to tell them about our love story.â
âOr,â he suggests, propping his chin over your chest, âyou can write a book about it.â
âI told you Mingyu, I write about fictional people. Not you. Not me.âÂ
âBut donât you think the world deserves to know our fairytale of a love story?â âMhmm,â you hum, sliding your glasses on and pulling your laptop onto your folded legs like you used to all those years ago, âmaybe Iâll write a short fanfiction on Tumblr about it. Fifteen thousand-ish words?âÂ
Themes:Â Smut | Angst | Slow Burn | Small Town | Found Family | Cowboy AU | Jealousy | Second Chance Romance | T.W.: mentions of domestic abuse, infidelity, physical violence
Wordcount: 50.5K
Playlist: 'Whirlwind' - Lainey Wilson | 'Too Sweet' - Hozier | 'Girl I Never Met' - Corey Kent | 'Old Pine' - Ben Howard | 'Not With Haste' - Mumford & Sons | 'Agape' - Bear's Den | 'Wildfire' - Seafret
Smut Warnings:Â Explicit sexual acts - Quickie - Semi Public Sex (twice) - Foreplay (F. receiving) - Soft Dom! Mingyu - PIV - Unprotected Intercourse - Praise (Yes, he uses 'good girl')
This story is intended for an adult audience only. Minors do not interact.
The bus doesnât so much arrive as it gives up.
It hisses to a tired stop beside a curb that looks like it hasnât been repainted since the last century, and for a second, you just sit there with your hands buried in the straps of your duffel, watching dust drift across the windshield in a slow, lazy sheet. The driver calls out the town nameâsoft, drawled, almost boredâand a couple of people stand and stretch like theyâve got somewhere to be. You do too. It just isnât somewhere you can say out loud.
You step down into air that smells like pine and sun-warmed asphalt. Thereâs no ocean here, no damp salt on your tongue, none of that sticky, crowded heat youâve been living in for months. The sky is vast in a way that makes you feel both smaller and safer, blue pulled tight over jagged mountains that sit on the horizon. Not the kind of mountains you grew up seeing in postcards. These are closer. Real. Their shadows over the town look protective rather than threatening.
Your pulse stays where it is. You wait for it to sprintâwait for the familiar headrush of panic, for your skin to go cold, for your ears to ring with imagined footsteps behind you. But the street is quiet. Not dead quiet, not eerie, just⊠slow. A car passes with a dogâs head out the window. Somewhere, a doorbell rings. A bird calls from the trees. A cow lows in the distance, so far away it sounds like it might be part of the wind. A man in a faded cap crosses the road with a cup of coffee, nods at you like you belong. You donât.
You shift the duffel higher on your shoulder and walk. Your shoes scrape on gravel. Every few steps, you glance over your shoulder anyway, because your body doesnât know how to stop doing that. It does now out of muscle memory, out of survival. Out of the kind of fear that doesnât vanish just because the scenery changes. You keep your head down, hat low, sunglasses on, even though the sun is mild. You are a shadow wearing a name that isnât yours.
Just keep moving. Just one night. Thatâs what you told yourself when you bought the bus ticket. Thatâs what you told yourself every time you crossed a state line, every time you slept in a seat with your arms wrapped around your bag like a life vest. One night to reset. One night to breathe. Then youâd be gone before anyone could notice you were there.
Transit town. That plan feels tidy in your mind until you see the motel. Itâs a squat building at the edge of Main Street, the neon sign blinking VACANCY like a half-hearted promise. The kind of place with flower boxes on the windows and an ice machine that probably hasnât worked in a decade. There are two pickup trucks in the lot, both covered in dust. A porch swing sits outside the office door, creaking lazily in the breeze even though no oneâs sitting in it.
You pause on the sidewalk. You donât want to go in. Going inside means saying a name. It means producing cash. It means being seen by a person who might remember you if someone ever asksâDid you see a woman come through here? Brunette, about this tall, nervous? But youâre tired. You are so tired you feel hollow in your bones. Like if you take one more step without stopping, youâll split open and pour yourself onto the ground. So you go in.
A bell jingles when you push the door open. Behind the counter, a woman in wire-rimmed glasses and a cardigan sits despite the mild day. Thereâs a mug in her hand that says Worldâs Best Grandma and a crossword half-finished beside it. She looks up and smiles like sheâs been waiting for you in a way that is purely polite and nothing more. âAfternoon, hon. Looking for a room?â
Your throat feels dry, tight like youâve swallowed sand. You force your mouth to shape the words you practised. âYes. Just for a night.â
âSure thing. Passing through?â There it isâthat little question that always feels like a hook in your ribs. You nod. Make yourself look casual. âJust passing through.â
She doesnât ask where youâre headed. She doesnât ask where you came from. She just pulls a ledger toward her, taps a pen against it thoughtfully. âWeâve got a single upstairs or a double on the ground floor. Singleâs cheaper.â Cheaper wins. Always.
You slide folded bills across the counterâmoney that feels too thin, too fast to disappear. You hate how aware you are of every dollar. You hate how much you hate needing to count. Your last job used to pay by direct deposit. Now you feel each note leaving your hands like a small amputation. She peels off the bills, counts them, and hands you a key attached to a wooden block with a faded number branded into it. âUpstairs, end of the hall. Breakfast is coffee and toast in the morning if you want it. No charge.â
You swallow, nod again. âThank you.â
She tilts her head, looking at you a second longer. Your skin prickles. Then she smiles softly. âYou look like youâve had a long road.â
Your breath stutters. You donât know what expression youâre wearing, but it must be something honest, something that makes her say that. You exhale softly. âYeah. I⊠yeah.â
She doesnât push. She just nods as if thatâs the whole conversation. As if she understands every human who walks in here is carrying something invisible. âWell, get some rest.â
You take the key and head back outside. Your room is exactly what you expected: a narrow bed with a floral quilt, a little table with a lamp that hums, and a bathroom with a shower curtain that smells faintly of bleach. Thereâs a window at the far end that looks out on the mountains. You put your duffel on the bed and stand there for a while, breathing.
No one followed you in. No one is outside your door. No car has slowed in the parking lot. Your hands are shaking anyway. You turn the deadbolt twice. Then you drag the chair from the tiny table over to the door. The legs scrape on the linoleum, loud in the quiet room, and the sound makes your stomach coil. You wedge it beneath the handle like youâve done a hundred times, like itâs a ritual more sacred than prayer. Only then do you let yourself sit on the edge of the bed.
Your phone stays off. It has stayed off for weeks now. The battery is a useless brick, SIM card removed and wrapped in tissue at the bottom of your bag. You donât check messages. You donât scroll. You donât search for anything that can ping your location. You try not to think in straight lines. Thatâs the worst way to remember.
Your body is still running on the leftover adrenaline that got you here. Itâs a jitter behind your ribs, an electric ache under your skin. You should sleep. You should collapse. Instead, you drift to the window and stare out.
You donât know the names of the mountains. Youâve never cared about names for things like this before. But something about the way they cut into the sky makes a quiet feeling bloom low in your chest, unfamiliar and almost painful in its gentleness. You didnât know quiet could sound like this. Back there, quiet was never safe. Quiet meant listening. Quiet meant waiting for the footstep in the hall, the shift of a door, the click of a bottle on a counter. Quiet was a warning that something was about to break. Here, quiet is almost⊠comforting.
You force yourself to unpack only what you need: toothbrush, a change of clothes, the tiny travel deodorant you bought at a gas station three towns ago. You lay your ID on the table face down, because even looking at the plastic makes your stomach twist. You donât want to see that name again. You donât want to see that face. You take a shower that lasts too long just because hot water feels like a luxury you almost forgot. Then you sit on the bed with wet hair, wrapped in the motel towel, and eat the granola bar youâve been rationing since yesterday. You count the cash you have left. You count it twice.
The number doesnât change, but the second count still feels better, like maybe if you look hard enough, money will multiply out of pity. It doesnât. Two nights. Maybe three if you stretch it, if you donât eat much, if you donât need anything unexpected. You stare at the ceiling and whisper to yourself, âThree days.â Then softer: âTwo.â Then: âMaybe one.â
You close your eyes. You sleep with your sneakers still beside the bed within reach. You sleep with the chair wedged under the handle like a guard dog.
Dreams come in flashes you donât want to name. Hands. A voice. A hallway that feels too narrow. You wake up before dawn with your heart trying to claw its way out of your chest. It takes a full minute to remember where you are. It takes another full minute to notice the quiet is still quiet. You breathe into your palm until you stop shaking.
The chair is still wedged beneath the handle. No one touched it.
Outside, the sky is beginning to pale. The mountains are turning purple and gold like theyâre waking up too. The sight is so beautiful your throat goes tight again, but not from fear this time. Something elseâsomething you forgot you were allowed to feel.
You rinse your face, tuck your hair under your hat, and look at yourself in the bathroom mirror. Your eyes are too alert for this early hour. Your skin is a little sallow from the road. Thereâs a bruise blooming under your jaw that you keep covering with your collar and hoping no one sees. You donât look like a woman who came here for vacation. You look like someone who fled. You grab your purse and head out before the office even opens, because being in a room too long makes you feel trapped.
Main Street at sunrise looks like an old movie set: brick storefronts with peeling paint, a hardware store with saddles hanging in the window, a diner with a neon coffee cup sign already lit. Pickup trucks line the curb. Someone is sweeping the sidewalk in front of a feed store, slow and unbothered. You keep your head down and walk like you belong here, even though every muscle in your body is still coiled. First stop: the grocery store.
Itâs small, maybe four aisles, old linoleum, a bell over the door like the motelâs. The produce section is tidy, apples stacked in pyramids, local honey in jars with handwritten labels. A teenage cashier with freckles and a ponytail smiles at you like she recognises you, even though she doesnât.
You hover by a bulletin board near the entrance. Job ads are pinned in crooked rows: hay for sale, babysitting, church bake sale, tractor repair. Nothing that says I will hire a woman with no references and no past. A middle-aged man stocking shelves notices your slow scan and asks, âYou lookinâ for somebody?â The question is kind, casual. It still makes your breath hitch.
âWork,â you say. Keep it simple.
His brow furrows thoughtfully. âUh⊠weâre full up. But you could try the diner? Marla sometimes needs a hand.â
âThanks.â
His smile is easy. âGood luck.â
You nod quickly and escape with a loaf of bread you didnât plan to buy but do, just to look normal. Next: the diner.
The bell jingles again. Everything in this town has bells. Maybe to announce people coming in. Maybe because people donât sneak here. Maybe because no one has anything to hide. A woman behind the counter wipes the counter down with a rag and looks up. Her name tag says Marla. âMorning. Sit anywhere.â
You take the stool closest to the exit by instinct. When she pours coffee into a chipped mug, your hands shake as you add cream. âPassing through?â she asks, and you almost laugh because it seems to be the townâs only question. âMaybe,â you say.
She studies you briefly, not unkindly. âWell, youâre welcome all the same.â You swallow a sip of coffee that tastes like itâs been brewed a thousand times, and all of them were for you. You clear your throat. âDo you have any openings? Someone at the grocery store said you might. I can wait tables, wash dishes, anything.â
Marlaâs face softens in apology. âIâd love to, hon, but my nieceâs doing weekends now, and I canât afford another body unless I know I can keep them on. Townâs quiet this time of year.â Quiet.
You nod, pretending it doesnât deflate you. âI understand.â
She doesnât stop there. She lowers her voice a little, friendly conspiratorial. âTry the post office board. Sometimes folks stick real jobs up there. Or the bar later, if you donât mind a bit of noise.â Noise isnât what scares you. Noise is manageable. Itâs silence with teeth you donât trust. âThank you.â
She squeezes your shoulder as she passes, a gesture so maternal it almost unspools you on the spot. You leave money for the coffee you barely drink and walk out with the sun on your face.
The post office board has more of the same. Yard work. Fence repair. A notice about a lost black lab. Someone needs help fixing a roof, but itâs clearly for a man who can lift two-by-fours without flinching.
By late morning, youâve done three loops of the town, pretending your feet are restless instead of desperate. You buy a cheap apple at a fruit stand. You smile at strangers. You keep your head down when a truck slows to turn, not because itâs suspicious but because your body doesnât know how to interpret not suspicious.
You find yourself outside a bakery without remembering how you got there. Itâs a narrow place with old white paint and windows fogged from warmth. A small chalkboard sign out front reads: FRESH CINNAMON ROLLS â HOT COFFEE â ASK ABOUT PIE
The smell hits you like a tidal wave. Butter, sugar, yeastâhome. Your stomach twists painfully. You havenât let yourself eat like a human in weeks. You push the door open. No bell this time. Huh.
The bakery is alive: a few small tables, sun spilling in, a glass case full of pastries that look like they were made by someone who loves feeding people. Behind the counter is an older woman with a braid going silver down her back. She wears flour on her apron and wrinkles around her eyes. She looks up and smiles. âWell, you look hungry.â
The bluntness makes a laugh escape without permission. âI am.â
âSit. Iâll get you something to start.â
Before you can protest, sheâs already moving. She pours coffee, slides a plate with a warm roll in front of you, and when you instinctively reach for your wallet, she shakes her head. âFirst oneâs on the house.â You blink at her. âI can pay.â
âIâm sure you can. But you donât have to for that.â Her voice is calm. âEat. Then talk.â  You donât know why your eyes burn.
You focus on the roll instead. Itâs too good. It tastes like Sundays and safe kitchens and mornings you donât have to earn with fear. You eat half of it before you even think to slow down. The woman watches you without staring. She wipes her hands on her apron and leans her elbows on the counter. âYouâre not from around here.â
You shake your head. âJust⊠passing through.â There it is again. The safe line.
She hums softly, not buying it but not challenging it either. âPassing through usually doesnât look like an empty stomach and a blur behind the eyes.â
Your throat tightens. You force yourself to breathe evenly. âIâm looking for work,â you say, because you need the conversation to stay on familiar ground. âAnything. Cleaning, serving, I donâtâŠâ You stop when your voice wobbles. The womanâs gaze stays steady. Thereâs a weight to it. Not suspicion. Attention. âNameâs Nora,â she says.
You hesitate, then give her the name youâve been wearing all week. It feels foreign in your mouth. âIâm⊠Iâm staying at the motel.â
Nora nods once. âWe donât have an opening here. Not one that pays real money.â The words sting even though you braced for them. You nod anyway. Then Nora tilts her head a little, like sheâs listening to something you canât hear. Like sheâs hearing the between-the-lines you didnât say. âYou willing to work hard?â
You give her a look thatâs probably too intense. âYes.â
âYou mind getting dirty?â
âNo.â
âYou mind early mornings?â
Your mouth twitches. âIâm already awake.â
That makes her smile properly. âAlright then.â
She reaches beneath the counter and pulls out a napkin, and smooths it with her palm. She takes a pen from behind her ear. âThereâs a ranch out past the old highway,â she says, writing as she talks. âBig one. Been here longer than Iâve been alive. Three owners these days. Always busy. Always needing hands. They donât hire just anybodyâso donât go in there expecting it to be easyâbut if youâre serious about work, itâs the best shot in this county.â
The word âranchâ lands in your mind. A ranch means land. Animals. Long days. A place that probably doesnât ask too many questions as long as you show up and do your job. A place far enough from town that you might be able to breathe without flinching at every passing truck. You watch her pen scratch lines and arrows on the napkin. âTake County Road 4 till it forks,â she continues. âGo left at the old windmill. Youâll see their gate before you see the house. Tell whoever you meet that Nora sent you. Theyâll know I wouldnât bother them without a reason.â
She slides the napkin across the counter. Your fingers hover over it like it might burn. âWhy are you helping me?â you ask before you can stop yourself. Noraâs brows lift slightly. Then her face softens into something that looks like memory. âBecause Iâve been tired in strange towns before,â she says simply. âAnd because you donât look like trouble. You look like someone who needs a roof and a chance.â
Your throat works. âI donât have experience. With⊠ranch stuff.â Nora waves a hand. âRanch stuff can be taught. Work ethic canât.â
You stare down at the napkin again. The directions are plain.
For the first time since you ranâsince you threw clothes into a duffel with shaking handsâyou feel something other than fear trying to take root in you. Hope is a dangerous thing. It makes you picture futures your body isnât sure are allowed. But itâs there anyway, small and stubborn. You fold the napkin carefully and tuck it into your pocket. âThank you,â you whisper.
Nora studies you one last timeâlike sheâs taking stock, like she sees all the scars youâre hiding, all the pieces you donât know how to say out loud. Then she just nods and says, âEat the rest of that roll. Youâll need the energy.â You do.
Outside, the morning has warmed into a slow gold afternoon. The mountains still sit on the horizon, huge and steady and unconcerned with whatever youâre running from. The town keeps moving at its own gentle pace. You turn toward the motel to grab the rest of your stuff, the napkin heavy in your pocket.
Transit town, you remind yourself.
But as you walk, you catch yourself glancing back onceâat the bakery window, at the mountains beyond it, at the road that stretches out past the old highway. And you donât feel your heart clawing in your chest. You feel it⊠waiting.
Like maybe, just maybe, something is waiting with it.
You spend exactly ten minutes staring at the motel bed, then you pack your life back into your duffel.
The clerk offers you coffee and a polite smile. You take the coffee, decline the small talk, and step out into the morning sun before you can talk yourself out of any of itâout of the ranch, out of the job hunt, out of the fragile little hope thatâs been gnawing at you since Nora drew those crooked lines.
The bus stop looks smaller in daylight. The bench where you sat yesterday is empty now, just a strip of fading paint and gum. Thereâs no bus coming. Not for hours, maybe not till tomorrow. Youâre not checking the schedule.
County Road 4 starts where Main Street ends, a strip of cracked asphalt that bleeds into open land. From there, the mountains look closer, like you could walk straight into them and disappear. You start walking.
The first mile isnât so bad. The road is mostly flat, the air still cool. Your boots crunch on gravel at the shoulder. Grass rustles quietly in the ditch. Every now and then, a truck passes, slow enough that you can feel the driverâs curious gaze skim over you before they continue on. You keep your eyes forward, shoulders squared, thumbs hooked in your straps so they donât see your hands shaking. Noraâs directions loop in your head like a mantra. Take County Road 4 till it forks. Left at the windmill. Youâll see their gate before you see the house.
You donât know how far âtill it forksâ actually is. The napkin doesnât have miles on it, only arrows and her cramped handwriting. After the second mile, your legs start to ache. After the third, the sun has climbed higher, and your hoodie feels like a mistake. You keep going. Youâre not going back to the motel. Youâre not going back, period.
A pickup truck appears behind you sometime after you pass a field of hay bales. You hear it before you see it, the low growl of the engine rolling along the road. Your whole body tenses. Old instinct tells you to dive off the shoulder, to hide, to make yourself small and invisible. You force yourself to breathe. Itâs just a truck.
It slows as it comes alongside you, tyres crunching on gravel, and a manâs voice calls out through the open window. âYou alright there?â You glance over, ready to fake a smile and a âfine, thanks,â then keep walking. But the driver is oldâlate sixties, maybeâwith a tan thatâs more leather than skin, a wide-brimmed hat, and kind eyes crinkled at the corners.
He does not look dangerous. You hate that thatâs your metric now. âRoadâs long to walk in those boots,â he adds, nodding at your feet. âWhere you headed?â
You swallow and adjust your grip on the strap. âOut past the highway,â you say carefully. âA ranch.â His brows go up. âYou mean Longview?â
You blink. You didnât even know it had a name. Nora hadnât said. âI⊠I think so,â you murmur. âShe just said a big ranch out past the old highway.â He huffs a little laugh. âThatâd be them. Iâm goinâ that way with feed. Hop in the back, if you want. Save you a few blisters.â
Your gaze jerks to the bed of the truck: dusty, lined with feed sacks and a couple of empty buckets. From there, youâd be in plain sight. No locked doors. No closed windows. The idea of getting into any enclosed space with a stranger makes your stomach clench, but the back⊠You measure the distance with your eyes. Flat land. Open sky. If you needed to, you could jump. You hesitate long enough that he softens his voice. âNameâs Bud,â he says. âBeen drivinâ this road longer than youâve been breathinâ. Figure Nora sent you, from the look of you.â
Your breath catches. âYou know Nora?â
âEverybody knows Nora,â he answers. âSheâs got a good nose on her. She trusts you enough to send you up to Longview, I trust you enough not to steal my olâ truck. That seem fair?â
You donât know what to do with trust said that plainly. You force yourself to nod. âOkay.â
He jerks his thumb toward the back. âWatch your step.â
You climb up carefully, fingers gripping the side of the truck, heart banging more from the decision than the effort. The bed is warm under your palms, dust sticking to your jeans. Bud checks his mirror to be sure youâre settled, then eases back onto the road.
The wind hits you as soon as youâre moving, whipping strands of hair out from under your hat. You sink down between the feed sacks, fingers curled around the metal edge, and let the town slowly unspool behind you. Itâs strange, watching it shrink.
Youâve never left somewhere without looking over your shoulder in dread. Now you look back with something else tangled up in it. The bakery sign. The motel roof. The little strip of Main Street you memorised in case you ever had to describe it to⊠to anyone. Then the last of the houses fall away, and itâs just land.
The road stretches ahead in a narrow strip, bordered by fields and scattered trees. Fence posts march alongside in steady lines, wires glinting in the sun. Cattle dots the distance, dark shapes moving slowly through the green. A hawk circles overhead, its shadow sliding over the ground. You breathe air that smells like dirt and something green and alive and think, wildly, that you could get used to this if given half a chance.
After a while, the truck slows and then stops at a fork in the road, just like Nora said. To the right, the asphalt continues straight toward the mountains. To the left, the road narrows and the old highway sign leans at an angle, half swallowed by weeds. Bud leans out his window and points. âLeftâs your turnoff. Gateâs a few miles down. Iâll be goinâ through it myself.â
You blink. âYou work there?â
"Nah,â he snorts. "I just take their money for feed. But theyâre good folks. Busy. Might be rough around the edges, but they look out for their own.â
The phrase their own makes something twist in you. âThank you,â you say, voice low but earnest. He waves you off like itâs nothing and starts forward again, taking the left fork. The pavement gives way to a harder, packed-dirt road that jostles you in the back. Dust rises in soft clouds behind the wheels. You clutch the side of the truck and squint ahead.
You see the gate before you see the house, exactly like Nora promised. It appears out of the shimmer of heat: tall wooden posts, heavy metal bars, a sign welded across the top in thick letters: LONGVIEW RANCH
Beyond it, the land seems to roll on forever. Pastures stretch out in every direction, bordered by long runs of fence that gleam in the sun. You see a cluster of buildings farther inâa big house, smaller cabins, barns with open doors. Trucks are parked in wide dirt lots. You spot horses moving along a rise in the distance, riders on their backs just silhouettes against the sky.
The truck slows to a stop beside the gate. Thereâs a keypad on a post, worn from use. Bud puts the truck in park and twists around to look at you. âEnd of the line, miss.â
You climb down, legs a little rubbery from the ride. Your boots hit the dirt, kicking up a puff of dust. Up close, the gateâs even bigger, the bars cold under your fingers when you reach out to touch them. You suddenly feel⊠very, very small. Itâs not just the size. Itâs the scope. The sense that this place has existed for decades before you and will exist for decades after. That the problems you carry are, to this land, something inconsequential. Bud keys in a code, the kind of sequence his fingers know without his eyes. The gate shudders, then slowly swings open with a low groan. He grins at you over his shoulder. âGood luck to you,â he says. "Rememberâwork hard and donât spook easy. They like that.â
âIâll try.â
He tips his hat and drives on through, following the dirt track up toward the cluster of buildings. You hesitate just outside the gate, watching the path curve away, looking back once down the empty road as a last escape route. Then you tighten your grip on your duffel strap and step forward. Longview Ranch swallows you in.
The road is rutted but solid beneath your boots. On either side, pastures spread out in waves of green and brown. In one, a herd of black cattle moves slowly, tails flicking, heads down. In another, a few horses graze, ears flicking toward you as you pass. Fences crisscross the property, creating a patchwork grid that looks chaotic at first glance and then, the longer you look, perfectly deliberate.
Closer in, you start seeing people. A pair of hands moves along a fence line, hammering in new posts. A woman in a baseball cap and braid leads a horse toward a barn, talking to it under her breath. A guy in a faded tee throws sacks of feed into a wheelbarrow like they weigh nothing. No one stops to stare at you. They glance, note the stranger walking up the drive, then go back to what theyâre doing. It unnerves you more than open curiosity would.
Finally, you approach the main cluster: a sprawling two-story house with a wide porch, flanked by outbuildings and a row of smaller cabins. A dog lies in the shade near the steps, tail thumping lazily as you get closer. You donât know where to go. Youâre hovering at the base of the porch steps when a voice calls out from your right. âHey! You lost?â You turn so fast your duffel swings.
A man is walking toward you from the side of the house, wiping his hands on the seat of his jeans. Heâs tall, broad-shouldered, with an open, easy grin that hits you like sunlight. His hair curls a little at his forehead, and thereâs dust smudged across his cheek, but it does nothing to dull the brightness of him. He looks like he lives outside and laughs often. Sunshine in human form.
You take a breath. âUh, maybe,â you admit. "Iâm looking for⊠whoeverâs in charge.â
His grin widens. âWell, that depends on who you ask.â He sticks out a hand. "Iâm Seokmin.â
You shift your duffel and shake his hand, his palm callused and warm.
You give him your name, the one youâve been using. It feels less foreign this time. Less like a temporary lie and more like something you might grow into. âNora at the bakery sent me,â you add quickly, because her name feels like a talisman. "She said you might be looking for help.â
Seokminâs eyes light up. âOh, Nora.â He nods approvingly. "If she sent you, thatâs a good sign. She doesnât vouch for just anybody.â
Your shoulders loosen a millimetre. âI donât⊠I donât have ranch experience,â you admit, the words tumbling out before you can make them sound better. "But I can work. Anything you needâstables, cleaning, cooking, whatever. I justâŠâ You donât want to say, I just need somewhere to be. He seems to read it anyway. âOkay, okay,â he says, hands up in mock surrender. "You donât have to give me your resume out here in the driveway. Come on. Weâll see what the bosses think.â The bosses. Plural.
Seokmin gestures for you to get up the steps and onto the porch. The boards creak under your weight in a familiar, comforting way. Up close, you can see little detailsâboots lined up by the door, a hat hanging from a hook, a faded horseshoe nailed above the frame. A place people come home to. He knocks once and pushes the door open without waiting for an answer, looking back at you with a reassuring smile. âDonât worry,â he stage-whispers. "They bark more than they bite.â You arenât sure that makes you feel better.
The inside of the house smells like coffee, leather, and something savoury from a kitchen you canât see. The front room is large, with a worn couch, a coffee table covered in magazines and papers, and a big, scarred wooden desk shoved near a window. The desk is currently occupied by a man with a phone wedged between his ear and shoulder, one hand flipping through a stack of papers, the other typing on a laptop. He looks up as you come in. Sharp eyes. Dark hair. An energy that crackles quieter than Seokminâs but no less intense. âCheol,â Seokmin says. "Got someone for you to meet.â The manâCheolâholds up a finger, still listening to whoeverâs on the line. âNo, we need those contracts by Friday or the whole thing falls apart,â he says, voice calm but firm. "Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Send âem to my email and to Mingyuâs. Thanks.â He drops the phone back into its cradle and exhales, rubbing the bridge of his nose before focusing on you.
âSorry,â he says. "Youâreâ?â
You give your name again, feeling suddenly conscious of every wrinkle in your clothes, every smudge of road dust on your skin. Seokmin jumps in before you can stumble over your next sentence. âNora sent her,â he says. "Sheâs lookinâ for work. Says sheâs not afraid to get dirty.â
Cheolâshort for Seungcheol, you assume nowâleans back in his chair and gives you a quick once-over. Itâs not leering, not assessing in that way. Itâs practical, like heâs checking if youâll fall apart at the first sign of trouble. âYou ever worked on a ranch before?â he asks. You shake your head. âNo. But Iâve worked⊠other jobs. Long hours, on my feet. I learn fast.â He nods slowly, like he expected that answer. âYou got any problem with early mornings?â
"No.â
"You got any problem with beinâ told what to do?â That one makes your jaw tighten, just a little. Youâve had problems with it before. But not like this. Not in a context where what to do meant what to be, what to say, who to see, how to breathe. You swallow. âNot if itâs fair,â you say carefully. "Not if itâs about the job.â
Seokminâs mouth quirks like he likes that answer. Seungcheol studies you another beat. Then he shrugs, like heâs already halfway moved on to the next problem. âWe always need hands,â he says. "But itâs not up to just me. Mingyuâll want a say.â You latch onto the first part. âSo⊠there might be a place?â
"Maybe,â Seokmin chimes in. "Weâll see.â
Before you can ask who Mingyu is, another presence fills the doorway behind you. âWhat might we see?â
The voice is deeper than you expected. Calm, low, with a gravel edge that vibrates straight down your spine. You turn, slower this time, like bracing for impact. The man standing in the doorway might as well have stepped out of the mountains. Heâs taller than Seokmin and broader through the shoulders, wearing a worn tee and jeans that have seen better days. A baseball cap shadows his eyes, but you can see the line of his jawâsharp and setâand the dark hair curling slightly at the nape of his neck. Thereâs dirt on his forearms, a smear of something dark across his shirt. He smells like sweat and dust and sun. He takes you in with one long, unhurried look. It feels like being put under a microscope. Your fingertip goes numb around the strap of your duffel.
Seokmin brightens. âPerfect timing,â he says. "This isââ he glances at you for confirmation, then says your name. "Sheâs lookinâ for work. Nora sent her up.â
The manâMingyuâdoesnât look at Seokmin. His gaze stays on you, heavy as a hand on your shoulder. âWork,â he repeats, like heâs tasting the word. You force yourself not to fidget. âI can do whatever you need,â you say, because silence feels worse. "I know I donât have ranch experience, but Iââ
He cuts you off with a small shake of his head. âHave you ever handled livestock?â
"No.â
"Ridden a horse?â Your cheeks heat. âNo.â
"Driven a tractor? Worked a fence line? Fixed a busted pipe in the middle of a field in the rain?â
You open your mouth, close it. âNo,â you admit, quieter now. He nods once, as if that confirms exactly what he thought. âThen we donât need her,â he says, speaking to Seungcheol now as if youâre invisible. "We donât have time to babysit someone whoâs never seen a saddle up close.â The words hit hard, colder than you expect. You stand a little straighter.
âI said I can learn,â you insist. "Iâm not asking for special treatment, Iâm asking for a chance.â
His eyes flick back to you, dark and unreadable. Thereâs something there under the flat assessmentâannoyance, maybe. Or something sharper that flashes and disappears before you can name it. âYou got references?â he asks. Your mouth goes dry. References. You could give him names. You could give him numbers. You could also quietly hand him the thread that leads straight back to everything youâre running from. You shake your head. âNot⊠not ones you can call,â you say.
His jaw ticks. âSo no references, no ranch experience, no idea what this job is actually like.â He clicks his tongue softly. "Weâre not a charity.â You feel your throat close around a surge of panic. This was a bad idea. You were stupid to come. You were foolish to hope. You shouldâve just kept walking to the next town, the next bus, the nextâNo. You are so tired of running on empty and calling it safety. You plant your feet.
âI know Iâm asking a lot,â you say, voice shaky but louder. "But I donât have anywhere else to go. Iâm not picky, Iâm not scared of hard work, and I will do whatever you tell me to do if it keeps a roof over my head.â
Somewhere behind you, Seokmin shifts. âWe are short-handed,â he offers. "Since Hana started doinâ more horse work and Tess cut her hours, the bunkhouse chores have been a mess. She could at least help around there while she learns the rest.â
Seungcheol nods, eyes back on a page heâs pretending heâs not reading. âAnd Nora doesnât send us dead weight,â he adds. "Last one she sent stuck around three years.â
Mingyuâs gaze doesnât leave your face. Heâs not cruel, exactly. But heâs not kind either. He looks at you like youâre a problem he doesnât have time for. A complication he didnât ask for and doesnât want. You see it in the way his eyes snag on the bruise half-hidden by your collar. Or how his throat moves when you say you have nowhere else to go. He sees more than he wants to. You donât know it for sure, but you feel it.
âWe donât know anything about you,â he says finally. "You say youâll work hard? So does everybody who walks up that road.â
"How many walk?â you ask before you can stop yourself. "Itâs a long road.â The corner of Seokminâs mouth kicks up. Seungcheol lets out what might be an amused breath. Mingyuâs eyes narrow, just a little. âYou think mouthing off is gonna help your case?â
"I think being honest will,â you shoot back, then wince because that sounded sharper than you meant. You take a breath, try again. "Look. I know Iâm not ideal. If you had a line of people with more experience and clean resumes and references, youâd pick them. I get that. But you donât.â
You gesture vaguely toward the window, toward the endless pastures and fences and animals you donât know how to handle yet.
âYou said youâre not a charity,â you say. "Iâm not asking you to be. Iâm offering you my time, my effort, my everything in exchange for a paycheck and a bed. If I screw up, you can fire me. If I canât learn fast enough, you can send me away. But if you donât give me a chance, Iâve got⊠nothing.â The last word lands too heavy. You hear the wobble in your voice, hate it, but canât pull it back.
The room goes quiet. Somewhere in the house, a clock ticks. Outside, a truck door slams. The ordinary sounds of a life youâre not part of yet. Seokmin is watching Mingyu now, not you. So is Seungcheol. It occurs to you that, for all his talk about not being the only one who decides, Mingyuâs opinion clearly carries weight here. He looks pissed about it. He drags a hand down his face, like heâs trying to wipe away the argument.
âCheol,â he says finally, not taking his eyes off you, âyou really want someone green as spring grass out there? Sheâll slow us down. Sheâll get hurt.â
"Then donât put her on a bull,â Seungcheol replies dryly. "Start her with bunkhouse work. Stables. She can learn. We did.â
Mingyu snorts. âWe grew up on this land.â
"You werenât born knowing which end of a cow is which,â Seokmin chirps. "Remember when you tried to milk the bull?â
Mingyu shoots him a look that could cut wire. âI was six.â
"Still counts.â
The banter loosens something in the air, a pattern older than you, older than this argument. You stand there, heart pounding, trying not to sway on your feet. Mingyu exhales, long and slow, like the fight is leaking out of him whether he wants it to or not. He looks at you again. Really looks.
You know what he sees: road-worn clothes, worn-out boots, a duffel thatâs too light for someone who plans to stay, eyes that havenât slept well in longer than you can remember. You donât know what he makes of it.
âTwo weeks,â he says abruptly.
You blink. âWhat?â
"You get two weeks,â he repeats, voice clipped. "Trial basis. You do what youâre told, you listen more than you talk, and you donât touch a damn horse without someone watching you. You show up late, you slack off, you cause problems, youâre gone. Got it?â
Your knees go weak with relief so fast youâre glad youâre already standing near a chair. âI wonât let you down,â you say, the words rushing out. "I promise, Iââ
He holds up a hand. âPromises donât mean much out here,â he says flatly. "Work does.â
"Iâll work,â you say. You wish you could show him your hands, all the small scars they already carry from other lives. "Iâll prove it.â
He studies you for another heartbeat, then turns away, already heading for the door. âSeok,â he calls over his shoulder. "Show her where sheâs stayinâ. Get her a list of chores from Tess.â
"On it,â Seokmin replies gleefully.
Mingyu reaches the doorway and pauses just long enough to glance back, eyes skimming over you one more time. His mouth twists into something that isnât quite a smile. âWelcome to Longview, Rookie. Donât fuck up.â Then he disappears through the door and out onto the porch, leaving the taste of the nickname in the air. Rookie.
Youâre not sure if it stings more because of how he said it⊠or because part of you desperately, stubbornly wants to prove you can be more than that.
Seokmin moves like heâs already decided youâre staying.
He walks you off the porch with a light clap of his hands, the kind people do when theyâre excited about the shape of the day. The house falls behind you. The yard opens into dirt paths packed down by years of boots and hooves. You keep your duffel close, still half expecting someone to stop you and say, Actually, no, sorry, we changed our minds. But no one says that.
Seokmin points things out as you go, narrating the world like a tour guide whoâs too enthusiastic for the size of his audience. âBarnâs over thereâbig red one. Tack room attached on the left. Donât go in the tack room without one of us for the first week, okay? Horses can be⊠opinionated.â He says it with a grin, like horses are just moody roommates. Like being afraid of them isnât something that could live in a person.
âBunkhouses are past the corrals. Main bunkhouse for the guys on the right, girls on the left. Youâll be with the women.â
The path curves between two low buildings. The menâs bunkhouse has a porch crowded with boots, a couple of shirts hanging off a railing like someone abandoned them mid-laugh. The womenâs bunkhouse is smaller, neater, with a pot of something green struggling to live in a cracked terracotta planter. A place to sleep. A door that isnât a motel door. A roof that isnât temporary by default.
Seokmin knocks once and swings the womenâs bunkhouse door open. âAlright, ladies!â he calls, voice bright. âWe got a new face!â
The room inside is warm, cluttered, lived-in. It smells like detergent and coffee and something citrusyâsomebodyâs lotion, probably. Four bunks line the walls in tidy pairs, with curtains pulled halfway around some of them. There are posters taped up, boots lined neatly by the door, a table crowded with mugs and a half-finished deck of cards. Three women look up at once.
The first one is sitting cross-legged on her bunk, hair in a braid that looks like it could survive a hurricane, sleeves shoved to her elbows. She has the kind of face that wears mischief like a crown.
The second one is leaning over the table, folding shirts, calm as a lake. She looks olderâlate twenties maybe, early thirtiesâand thereâs a quiet steadiness to her, a groundedness you feel immediately.
The third one is perched on the edge of a bunk with one boot half on, chewing gum and looking like she was born with a smirk.
Your nerves flare. New places usually mean new rules. New people mean the urge to shrink, to make yourself smaller so you donât trigger anything unpredictable. But the women donât look at you like a threat. They look at you like something interesting just walked in on a Tuesday.
âOhhh,â the braided one says, pushing to her feet. Sheâs shorter than you expected, compact muscles and sharp eyes. âIs this the stray Nora sent up the road?â
Seokmin laughs. âDonât call her a stray, Hana.â
Hana. She steps closer and sticks out a hand without hesitation. âIâm Hana,â she says. âWelcome to Longview.â You take her hand. Her grip is firm, warm. Hana studies your face for about half a second, then nods like sheâs already decided youâre fine. âYouâre cute,â she announces. âWeâll keep you.â
The woman at the table snorts softly. âDonât scare the poor girl. She just got here.â She wipes her hands on her jeans and walks over, offering you a smile that makes your shoulders loosen a fraction. âIâm Tess,â she says. âBunkhouse mom, whether I like it or not.â
You almost laugh. The title fits her immediately. Thereâs a sense of I will make sure you eat and sleep and donât break yourself in half rolling off her like warmth.
âRiley,â the gum-chewer announces, hopping down from her bunk. She doesnât offer a handâshe offers a shoulder bump, like youâre already friends. âYou like trouble? Because Iâm trouble. That means weâre probably gonna get along.â You blink at her. Riley grins wider. âKidding,â she says, not kidding at all. âMostly.â
Seokmin claps again, as if to reset the roomâs energy. âSheâs on a two-week trial. Mingyuâs rules. Be nice.â Riley rolls her eyes so hard you think she might see her own brain. âOf course itâs Mingyuâs rules.â
Hana groans dramatically. âHeâs in one of his moods again, huh?â You hesitate, still not sure what is safe to say. âHe⊠wasnât thrilled.â
The way Rileyâs face softens for a split second is so fast you almost doubt you saw it. âHe never is with new people,â Tess says gently. âDonât take it personal. Itâs a him thing.â Hana jerks her thumb at herself. âAlso, he hates when Seok brings home strays. Ugly side effect of being the middle brother with stress issues.â
"Hey!â Seokmin protests.
âYou literally brought home a goat once,â Hana says.
âIt was lonely!â
Riley bursts out laughing. You donât mean to, but a sound sneaks out of you. It feels strange in your throat, like using a muscle you forgot existed. Hana catches it and smirks. âSee? Already improving the vibe.â
Seokmin points around the room. âOkay. Rookieââ He winces at his own word like he remembers Mingyu said it. ââuh, okay, you. Pick a bunk. Tessâll show you the rules. I gotta go back out.â He starts toward the door, then pauses, looking back at you with that bright, earnest face. âSeriously,â he says quietly enough that only you hear. âYouâre gonna be fine.â You donât know what to do with that, so you just nod.
He leaves. The door shuts behind him. For a breath, itâs just you and the girls. Then Hana snaps her fingers. âAlright. First things first. Boots.â She crouches by one of the bunks and pulls out a spare pairâworn but clean, a little scuffed, loved hard. âThese should fit close enough. If not, weâll swap. You canât work in those flimsy city shoes. Horses will eat you alive.â You stare at the boots, then at her. âI donât want to takeââ
"Youâre not taking,â Tess cuts in gently. âYouâre borrowing. We keep spares for anyone who needs them.â
Riley pops her gum. âPlus, if you donât take them, Hanaâs gonna whine about it all day. And I like peace.â Hana flicks Rileyâs forehead. âLiar.â
The air feels⊠easy. Ordinary. Like your arrival isnât a disruption, but a continuation of something theyâve done before. You accept the boots.
Tess leads you through the bunkhouse like itâs sacred ground. âShowers are in the back,â she says. âHot water lasts about twenty minutes if you donât hog it. We do a loose rotation. If youâre about to pass out, say it. Weâll bump you up.â
"Laundry roomâs behind the shed. We take turns. Donât leave your stuff in the washer unless you wanna find it folded on your bed by a mildly annoyed Hana.â Hana makes a face like she is deeply offended by the accuracy.
âCurfewâs not strict,â Tess adds. âBut dawn work is. You wanna go into town at night, fine. Just donât miss morning feed.â
Riley leans against a bunk, grin sharp. âAnd if you go into town with me, you wonât miss morning feed because I wonât let you sleep in anyway.â You donât know if sheâs joking, but the confidence of it makes your chest feel less hollow. Hana points to an empty top bunk near the window. âThat oneâs open. Right by the vent. Warm in winter, cool in summer.â
You set your duffel down carefully at the foot of it. It feels surreal to claim space. Like a trespass. Like permission. Tess watches you with something kind in her eyes. âYou hungry?â The word itself almost knocks you over. Hungry. Like youâre allowed to be a body with needs instead of a survival strategy. âIââ
Your instinct is to say no. Always no. No need, no burden, no footprint. But the roll from Nora is still warm in your memory. And Tess is already reaching for a loaf of bread on the table, cutting thick slices without waiting for your answer.
âSit,â she says. Not a command in the way you fear. A command in the way someone wraps a blanket around your shoulders without asking. âEat. Weâre doing lunch anyway.â
Riley slides a jar of peanut butter toward you. âTrust me, bunkhouse rule: you donât turn down food unless you want Tess to stare you into compliance.â Tess gives her a look. âItâs a gift.â
"Itâs a weapon.â
You sit. They talk while you eat. Not interrogating. Not prying. Just talking like people who live together and fill the silence with stories because itâs comfortable, not because theyâre trying to trap you. Hana tells you about a horse that kicked Vernon in the shin last week and how Mingyu didnât even flinch, just muttered âdeservedâ and kept saddling. Tess mentions the next cattle shipment coming in and how Seungcheolâs been stressed because of contracts. Riley tells you thereâs a coffee shop in town that makes a latte so strong it could wake the dead, and how she intends to prove that to you personally when your feet stop wobbling. You laugh more than you mean to.
At some point, Hana tosses a casual line like sheâs discussing the weather. âCheolâs gonna hate that Seokmin brought somebody home again. He pretends he doesnât care, but he does. Big brother stuff.â
You blink, coffee halfway to your mouth. âCheol is your brother?" âYep. Unfortunately.â Riley whistles. âDonât tell her unfortunately. Tell her your brother runs this place like a mob boss who also cries at dog commercials.â
Hana throws a napkin at her. âShut up.â
You stare. Hanaâs eyes narrow, amused. âWhat?"
"Nothing. I just⊠didnât realise.â Tess smiles at your expression.
âYeah. Blood ties here are messy but good. And if youâre wondering: Mingyuâs not related to them by blood. The three of them grew up together. Seokminâs like Cheolâs right hand. Mingyuâs⊠Mingyu.â
The pause is affectionate enough to make you brave. âWhat does that mean?â Riley leans forward like sheâs sharing a secret. âThat means heâs grumpy and hot and thinks feelings are a conspiracy.â You choke on your coffee. Hana cackles. Tess sighs with the patience of a saint. âIgnore her. Heâs just protective of the ranch. New people make him prickly. Heâll thaw.â
You donât say what youâre thinkingâthat the way Mingyu looked at you felt different than âprickly.â Like heâd already pinned you to the wall in his mind and measured every part of you. You just nod.
The afternoon passes in a blur of small kindnesses. They show you where to keep your toiletries. Hana gives you an extra hoodie because yours is thin, and the mornings get cold. Riley digs through a drawer and hands you a pair of gloves with a grin. âYou canât blister up on day one. Thatâs illegal.â You try to protest. They ignore you.
By the time the door opens again and Seokmin sticks his head in, youâre already sitting on your bunk with your boots on, feeling like a person who belongs in a room full of women laughing. âReady for your grand tour?â he asks, eyes bright.
âYeah.â You follow him back outside.
The ranch isnât just big. Itâs a kingdom.
Seokmin takes you through it with a kind of casual pride that makes the scale hit harder. You pass the main barn and he points out the stalls, the tack room, the feed storage, the medicine cabinet. He shows you the corrals, the hay shed, the equipment yard where tractors sit like sleeping beasts. Your head spins trying to take it all in.
âOkay, so feeding schedule,â he says, handing you a clipboard already marked with neat lines. âMorning feed is 5:30. Evenings at 5. Itâs rotation-based. This week, youâre with Tess and me. Mostly basic stuff. Iâll show you.â He walks you to a row of feed bins, explains which scoop goes where, which animals get what. He doesnât slow down to coddle you, but he doesnât rush you either. You like that. He treats you like someone who can learn. Like someone who wonât break if the world is too fast.
The first stall you muck, your back protests immediately. Youâre awkward with the pitchfork, clumsy with the wheelbarrow. You lose your grip twice. Your boots sink into the straw and manure in ways that send a ridiculous thrill of horror through you. Seokmin just laughs. âWelcome to the glamorous life.â
You wipe your forehead with your sleeve. âHow do you⊠Do this every day?â
"Weâre all a little insane.â
Heâs not condescending. He doesnât sigh when you mess up. He doesnât take the tools out of your hands. He just shows you again. And again. And again.
By mid-morning the next day, youâre sweating through your shirt and your arms feel like rubber. But⊠youâre still standing. Still working. Still pushing through the unfamiliar. Every time you glance up, you feel eyes on you. Not Seokminâs. Not the girlsâ. Mingyuâs.
He isnât close enough for you to talk to. He isnât close enough to even count as âhovering.â Half the time, heâs a shadow leaning on a fence line beyond the corrals. Another time, heâs in the driverâs seat of a truck, window down, gaze pinned somewhere that you can feel even when youâre not looking. Later, you spot him on the porch of the big house, arms folded, watching the barn like itâs an old habit. It unnerves you. The constant inspection. The way he looks like heâs waiting for you to trip, to fail, to prove him right. You donât let it show. You donât shrink. If anything, it lights something stubborn in your spine. You straighten your shoulders, adjust your grip, and push harder. Let him watch. Let him see. Youâve been watched by worse. You swallow the thought before it can bloom into something messy.
By the time lunch comes, your hands are tingling, and your thighs ache from crouching and lifting, but thereâs also a dull kind of pride sitting in your chest like a coal that hasnât decided whether to catch fire. You did work you didnât know how to do yesterday. Youâre doing it today.
Seokmin walks you toward the shade of the barn overhang where a cooler sits. âYou okay?â he asks, and you realise heâs not asking to be polite. Heâs asking like he means it.
âYeah,â you say. âIâm just⊠tired.â
He grins. âGood tired or bad tired?â
"Good tired.â
"Then youâre doing it right.â He hands you a water bottle and a sandwich. âEat. Tess will kill me if she finds out I didnât feed you.â
You bite into the sandwich like your life depends on it. Maybe it does. Across the yard, Mingyu is tightening a saddle girth. He doesnât look up. But you feel him.
The next couple days only get fuller.
Seokmin takes you through the rest of the essentials in quick, careful layers: how to carry hay bales without blowing out your back, how to open gates so cattle donât spook, how to check water lines, how to clean tack without ruining leather.
You mess up. You drop things. You fumble knots. You forget which bin is which and have to correct yourself. You keep trying anyway.
By the third morning, your body is running on sore muscles and overcaffeinated determination. Hana shows up halfway through feeding rounds, braid swinging, and takes over part of the line with ease. âSo youâre who the guys call Rookie,â she says, voice teasing.
Your ears heat. âI didnât pick the nickname.â
She snorts. âNone of us do. Mingyu thinks heâs funny.â
You glance toward the paddock like he might magically be standing there. Hana catches it. âHeâs around. Always. Like a ghost with opinions.â You canât stop the laugh that escapes. Hana pauses, looks at you like sheâs checking something. Then her face softens a fraction. âYouâre doing good.â You blink. The simple praise hits strange. It makes your throat tight. âThanks.â
She doesnât linger, just tosses you a carrot for the horse sheâs leading and disappears into the next stall with the confidence of someone born into the rhythm. Youâre slowly becoming part of that rhythm.
At night, the bunkhouse is noisy in the best way. Riley tells stories that get wilder with every retelling. Hana makes fun of Seokmin for being incapable of subtlety. Tess reminds everyone to drink water, eats in slow deliberate bites like sheâs teaching you that meals donât have to be rushed. You listen more than you talk. Not because they demand it. Because it feels good to just⊠be near people. People who arenât waiting for you to slip. That night, you lie in your bunk, muscles aching, listening to crickets outside the window. The walls creak softly in the wind. Someone snores two bunks down. Riley laughs in her sleep like sheâs in the middle of a dream that doesnât care about anyoneâs dignity. You stare at the ceiling in the dark. For the first time in longer than you can remember, your body isnât braced to make itself invisible if footsteps come in the hall.
There is no hall. There is no chair shoved under your door. There is no listen, listen, listen for the moment something goes wrong. Your heartbeat stays slow. You let it. You drift to sleep with that faint buzz of belonging humming under your ribs like a new muscle learning how to exist.
On the fourth day, Seokmin throws you into the deep end of âtown.â âWeâre out of a few supplies,â he says that morning, flipping keys around his finger. âFeed supplements, some gloves, maybe a new hose. You wanna ride into town with me?â
Ride. The word makes you flinch before you interpret it. Then you remember. Truck ride. Not horse. You nod quickly. âYeah. Sure.â
Riley wolf-whistles from the bunkhouse porch. âDonât bring her back with a Seokmin tattoo, okay?â
Seokmin turns pink. âRiley!â
"Iâm helping you flirt.â
"I donât need help flirting!â
Hana lifts a brow. âYou absolutely do.â
Tess waves a hand. âLeave him alone. Go get what you need.â
You climb into the passenger side of Seokminâs dusty truck and try not to look too overwhelmed by the interior. There are empty coffee cups in the console, a pair of work gloves on the dash, and a tiny plastic dinosaur wedged into the air vent like it lives there. Seokmin catches you looking. âVernon put that in here. Says itâs for âemotional support.ââ You laugh softly.
The ranch fades behind you as the truck rolls down the dirt drive. Itâs weird to see the gate from the inside now. Like itâs not a boundary keeping you out, but a threshold youâre allowed to cross.
Town is the same as it was in your first loop when you arrived, but it feels different now that youâre coming from somewhere. Youâre not wandering anymore. Youâre not drifting, looking for a crack in the world. You have a purpose. Seokmin keeps the windows rolled down, elbow hanging out like he belongs to the road. He greets everyone with easy familiarity: a wave at the hardware store guy, a shout to someone loading hay, a grin at a woman outside the diner. People wave back. They look at you, too. Not with suspicion. With curiosity. With the quiet acceptance of small towns that notice everything and still decide a person might be worth letting in. You end up at the feed store first. You follow Seokmin inside, clipboard in hand, trying to look like you know what youâre doing.
The bell jingles as you enter. It makes you smile a little now, because youâre starting to understand bells here are not warnings. Theyâre welcomes.
While Seokmin cheerfully argues with the store owner about prices, you wander toward the shelves of gloves, comparing sizes with no real metric besides what feels right. You pick out two pairs and turnâAnd stop. Because thereâs a girl behind the counter at the far end of the store, you donât recognise her from your first visit through town. Sheâs leaning against the register with her hair up in a messy bun, sleeves rolled to her elbows, and a bored look on her face like sheâs already done twelve hours here and is planning to do twelve more. Sheâs pretty in a quiet, tough way. Not trying for it. Not needing to. Seokmin sees her at the same moment and goes a little⊠louder. Not by much. Just enough that you notice.
âMae!â he calls. Maeâs eyes flick up. She takes one look at him and lets out a slow, unimpressed breath. âSeokmin.â
"Howâs your day?â he asks, sliding into his brightest grin. Mae deadpans. âLonger now.â
You bite your lip so you donât laugh out loud. Seokmin doesnât seem deterred. If anything, he shines harder. âI brought backup this time.â He gestures to you. âThis isââ he says your name. âSheâs new at the ranch.â Mae looks you over with a steadier, sharper gaze than most people in town have given you. Itâs not unkind. Itâs⊠measuring. Then she nods once. âHey.â
"Hi,â you say. Maeâs eyes return to Seokmin like a magnet. âWhat do you want, Seok?â
"Just supplies.â He leans an elbow on the counter like heâs trying to look casual. It comes off adorable. âAnd maybeââ he lowers his voice slightly, grinningââmaybe you could come by tonight? Weâre doing a thing. Little welcome dinner. You couldââ
"No.â
The flatness of it makes you blink. Seokmin pretends he doesnât flinch. âNot even for five minutes?â Mae sets a receipt stack down with a soft click, expression unmoved. âSeokmin.â He blinks at her, hopeful anyway. She sighs. âYouâre sweet. But no.â
And then she goes back to her register like thatâs the end of the conversation. Seokmin stands there for a second, still smiling, but it falters at the corners. You step in gently before the awkwardness grows teeth. âDo you still carry those electrolyte blocks for the calves?â you ask, holding up a box in your hand. âHe said you might.â Maeâs expression shifts. Not much. But enough to show she appreciates competence. âThird aisle. Bottom shelf.â
"Thanks.â You turn and walk away before Seokmin can spiral. In the aisle, you let yourself grin. Seokmin appears beside you a moment later, still pretending heâs not wounded. âShe hates me,â he mutters. âShe doesnât hate you,â you say, low enough heâs the only one who hears. âShe just doesnât play along.â
He glances at you, surprised. âYeah?â
"Yeah.â
That makes him laugh a little. âYou sound like you know her already.â You shrug lightly. âI sound like someone who sees you trying your best.â
He looks at you for a second longer than the joke deserves, like heâs clocking the sincerity. Then he rubs the back of his neck and says, âI am trying my best.â The words are so honest you almost choke on your own tenderness. You hand him the electrolyte blocks. âThen keep trying.â He grins again, real this time. âOkay.â
On the way back out of the feed store, Mae gives you a nodâtiny, almost imperceptible. It feels like a second sliver of hope, different from the first. You climb back into the truck with Seokmin, bags in your lap, and watch town slip past the windows. On the way out, you pass the bakery. Nora is out front in her apron, sweeping flour off the steps. When she spots you in the passenger seat, she pauses. She smiles. You canât stop yourself from lifting a hand in a small wave. She waves back in a way that feels like I knew youâd find your way. You look forward quickly, blinking too hard.
Seokmin doesnât comment. He just drives. When the ranch comes back into view, it doesnât feel as impossible anymore. It still makes you small in the face of it. But now that smallness doesnât feel like weakness. It feels like beginnings. As you roll back through the gate, a familiar figure stands near the corrals, arms folded, cap low. Mingyu. He doesnât approach. He doesnât speak. But his gaze finds the truck, finds you through the windshield, tracks you all the way as Seokmin parks near the barn. The attention prickles your skin. Seokmin hops out, slamming the door with his hip, oblivious to the silent exchange. You clutch your bags and follow him around the hood.
Mingyu is still there, talking to one of the guysâWonwoo, maybeâwhile keeping half his focus on you like youâre a slow-moving variable he hasnât accounted for yet. You set your jaw. Youâre not here to be a variable. Youâre here to be useful. You head toward Tess, whoâs waiting by the shed with a list, and you donât look at Mingyu again.
When you walk into the womenâs bunkhouse that night with Rileyâs shoulder bumping yours and Hana yelling about showers and Tess asking if you ate enough, the place feels a little less like shelterâand a little more like home.
You wake up before your alarm, heart already pounding against your ribs. For a second, in the dark, you donât remember why.
Then your eyes find the faint glow of your phone screen on the crate by your bunk. Sunday. Two weeks to the day since you stepped off a dusty old truck in front of Longviewâs gate with a napkin in your pocket and nothing else that looked like a plan. Two weeks. Trialâs up. You stare at the ceiling, listening to the soft chorus of the bunkhouse: Rileyâs little sleep-hum, Tessâs slow, even breathing, the occasional rustle from Hanaâs bunk as she rolls over. Outside, the crickets are still singing, stubbornly ignoring the human concept of weekends.
If they tell you to go today, you have nowhere else to run. You picture yourself walking back down that long dirt road with your duffel, through the gate, past Noraâs bakery, all the way to the bus stop. You picture the bus carrying you away from the mountains and back into the haze of nowhere, new town after new town, until something catches up or you run out of money again. You canât do that again.
You roll onto your side and stare at the outline of your boots under the bunk. You worked. You did everything you could. You woke up before dawn, stayed out after sunset, learned to shovel shit and haul hay and read the moods of horses youâre still half afraid of. Youâve got bruises on your knees and blisters turning into calluses on your palms. Youâve fallen in the mud twice, gotten kicked in the thigh by a gate, nearly lost your hat to the wind, and still showed up the next morning. If thatâs not enough, youâre not sure what else you have to give. The alarm buzzes softly against the floor. You slap it off quickly before it can wake anyone else. Tessâs voice comes from across the room, low and sleepy. âYou up?â
âYeah.â
âYou okay?â You wish people around here would stop asking that. It makes lying feel worse. âJust⊠thinking.â Tess hums, a soft, knowing sound. âDonât overthink it. Do the work. Same as youâve been doing.â Easy for her to say. Tess isnât on trial. You take a breath. âRight.â
You climb down the ladder, the wood flooring cool under your bare feet. Your muscles protest the movement, little stabs of soreness up your legs and across your shoulders, but itâs a familiar ache now. One that feels like proof. Riley rolls over as you lace your boots, hair sticking out in every direction. âIs it Judgement Day?â she mumbles, voice thick with sleep. You snort despite yourself. âSomething like that.â She cracks one eye open. âYouâre fine,â she mutters. âIf they try to fire you, Iâll steal the truck. Theyâll forgive you to get it back.â
âYou canât drive a stick,â Hanaâs muffled voice comes from somewhere under a pillow. âNot with that attitude,â Riley fires back. Tess laughs softly as she slides off her bunk. âSee? Youâve got backup.â Itâs not backup in any legal way. But itâs the kind that matters.
Dawn spills pale light across the yard as you and Hana make your way to the barn, breath puffing in the chilled air. âSo,â Hana says, bumping her shoulder against yours. âBig day.â
âDonât remind me.â
âHeâs gonna make a show of it,â she warns. âHe always does. Donât let the grunting get to you.â
âThe grunting?â She nods solemnly. âMingyuâs native language is âhmm.â Youâll see.â You roll your eyes, but your lips twitch.
The barn is still shadowed, dust motes caught in the first rays pushing through the gaps in the boards. You fall into the feed routine on muscle memory: scoops measured, bins marked, paths walked. Tess joins you midway through, tying her hair up as she moves. When you step out of the feed room, balancing a sack on your shoulder, you almost collide with a wall. Not a wall. A chest. Mingyu.
Heâs blocking the doorway, hat low, arms loose at his sides. The early light catches the edge of his jaw, the stubble dark there, the line of his throat. Thereâs mud on his jeans and a faint smear of something across his sleeve, like heâs already been up for hours. Of course he has. He glances down at you, then at the feed sack. âHeavy?â he asks. You tighten your grip. âNo.â
He grunts. A soft, uninterpretable sound. Hana passes behind you with her own sack, biting her lip to keep from laughing. Mingyu steps aside. Not enough that you can pretend he isnât watching, but enough that you donât have to brush against him as you pass. âIâll be with you today,â he says. You almost drop the feed. âWhat?â
âYour trialâs up.â He says it like you couldâve forgotten. âI wanna see what youâve actually learned.â So this is the evaluation. Not a meeting. Not a sit-down. No clipboard. Just him. In your shadow. All day. You nod, trying not to let your nerves show. âOkay.â
He eyes you for another long beat, then jerks his chin toward the stalls. âWell? Donât stand there. Youâre burning daylight.â You move.
You fall into the rhythm because you have to. Because stopping will only make it worse. You muck stalls with more focus than youâve ever had in your life, trying to remember everything Tess and Seokmin showed you: how to angle the fork, where to pile the dirty straw for the wheelbarrow, when to swap tools so your hands donât cramp. Mingyu follows. He doesnât hover close enough to trip you. He doesnât give you instructions. He leans against the stall doors, crosses his arms, and watches. Sometimes he nods once, barely perceptible. Sometimes he gruntsâa short, sceptical hmm that Hana warned you about. Once, when you nearly step too close to a horseâs hindquarters, he snaps, âWatch his back leg,â and your whole body jerks like youâve been electrocuted.
You didnât see the twitch of his muscle. You adjust. You apologise to the horse under your breath. Mingyu doesnât comment.
As the morning wears on, other people drift in and out. Wonwoo appears with a coil of rope over his shoulder. âHey, Rookie,â he says, easy. âYou done with that rake?â You hand it over automatically, the nickname sliding over you less like a bruise and more like a glove. You donât realise it at first. Not until Hana snickers from two stalls down. âLook at you,â she calls. âAlready part of the furniture.â
Later, Vernon whistles low when he sees you haul a bale of hay with less struggling than last week. âDamn, Rookie,â he says. âThey ship you here pre-built?â
âNo,â you grunt, adjusting your grip and shoving the bale into place. âThey just keep making me lift things.â
Dino wanders by while youâre scrubbing buckets and kicks one gently with his boot. âYou got the short straw, huh?â
âI like clean things,â you say, only half lying. He grins. âThen you and Tess are gonna get along just fine.â
All the while, Mingyu shadows you. He doesnât talk much to the others. When they joke, he huffs a sound that might be amusement, might just be breath. At one point, he reaches past you to adjust a halter youâve buckled wrong, his fingers brushing yours. âYou donât want this slipping,â he mutters. âThey spook easily enough as it is.â His hand is warm, callused. You pull yours back, nodding quickly. âGot it.â He steps away without looking at you, like the contact didnât register. It registered for you.
By lunchtime, youâre sweating, sore, and halfway convinced youâve blown it six times already. Tess corners you by the water trough while you fill buckets. âYouâre fine,â she says, not a question.
âYou donât know that.â She glances over your shoulder toward where Mingyu stands by the fence, talking low with Seungcheol. The two men are a mirror of each otherâs focus: one slightly looser, one wound tight. âHe wouldnât be spending his whole day on you if heâd already decided to cut you,â she says. âHeâd let you finish the trial and then tell Seok to handle it.â
You follow her gaze. Mingyuâs expression is hard to read from this distance, but his posture is all contained energy. He listens to whatever Seungcheol is saying, then shakes his head once, slowly. Seungcheol claps a hand on his shoulder, says something you canât hear. Mingyuâs eyes flick to you. You look away first.
Afternoon takes you out of the barn and into the fields. Mingyu tosses you a pair of work gloves and jerks his head toward the fence line. âCome on.â
You jog to catch up, your shorter stride half-running to keep up with his. The sun has climbed higher, the cold edge gone from the air. Dust curls around your boots with each step. He hands you a bucket of metal toolsâpliers, staples, odd little pieces of wire. âYou know what weâre doing?â he asks. âFixing the fence?â
âYou think itâs broken?â You blink, adjust your grip on the bucket. âI⊠donât know.â
He stops, plants the heel of his boot against the bottom of a fence post, and gives it a shove. It holds firm. âYou donât just fix things because they might be broken,â he says. âYou look. You listen. You check.â He nods toward the run of wire. âWalk it. Tell me what you see.â Your anxiety spikes. Youâre not used to being asked to assess anything. Youâre used to being told whatâs wrong and how itâs your fault. You swallow. âOkay.â
You walk the fence, eyes scanning the posts, the wire, the ground. You look for things that feel off. Disturbed soil. Sagging sections. Places where the wire is bent or loose. Three posts down, you find a stretch where the wire is pulled away from the post, the staple half-rusted, the tension off. You point. âHere.â Mingyu joins you, following your gaze. He grunts. âStapleâs loose,â he says. âGood.â Good. You try not to glow at the word.
He shows you how to pull the wire tight and set a new staple without snapping it. Your hands fumble at first, but you find the rhythm. He doesnât grab the tools away when you struggle. He waits. He corrects your grip once, twice, tapping your wrist with a fingertip. âThere. Again.â
You do it again. You work your way down the fence line like that, side-by-side, you finding the weak spots, him watching. Occasionally, he asks, âWhy that one?â and you force yourself to explain your thinking instead of shrugging. By the time you circle back toward the main yard, your shoulders ache in new places, and your brain feels wrung out.
Mingyu stops near the gate and looks around, taking in the unfixed fence, the barn, the pens, and the yard. You wonder if youâre part of that inventory now. âGo wash up,â he says. âFamily dinnerâs at six.â Family dinner. Tess mentioned something about it in passingâSunday nights at the big house, everyone cramming around whatever table space there is, food loud and plentiful. You didnât let yourself imagine sitting at that table. Not when you might be gone by morning. You hesitate. âIs thisâŠ?â
âYour evaluationâs done,â he says flatly. The words hang there between you, heavy.
âAnd?â you push, because apparently youâve lost your survival instinct somewhere between stall mucking and fence inspection. His mouth twitches at the corner, like he wasnât expecting you to ask. He doesnât answer. Instead, he turns and walks toward the house, leaving you standing there with your heart hammering.
You shower in record time, scrubbing dirt off your skin until the water runs mostly clear. You drag on clean jeans and a soft shirt Tess handed you last week with a brusque, âIt doesnât fit me anymore. Take it.â You leave your hair down for once, damp around your shoulders, because your fingers are too unsteady to wrestle it up.
In the bunkhouse, Hana is pulling on a sundress over leggings, muttering about the weather. Riley is trying to decide between two pairs of earrings, neither of which are remotely practical for ranch work. Tess eyes you as you stumble in. âBreathe,â she says, folding her own hair back. âItâs dinner, not a firing squad.â You wish you believed her.
The three of them flank you on the walk to the big house, talking about something else entirelyâa calf that tried to eat Hanaâs braid, Vernonâs terrible country playlist. You float beside them, heart trapped somewhere in your throat. The porch is already crowded when you get there.
Wonwoo sits on the steps, elbows on his knees, talking quietly with Dino. Vernon leans against a post, scrolling through something on his phone. Seokmin hovers by the door, running a hand through his hair every thirty seconds like that might tame it. When he sees you, his whole face brightens. âThere she is!â he announces. âOur maybe-long-term-roommate.â
âStop calling her that,â Hana says, smacking his arm. âItâs bad luck.â Seokmin grimaces. âRight. Sorry.â Your palms dampen.
Inside, the house smells amazing. Something roasted, something baked, the warm, yeasty scent of bread, the faint sweetness of a dessert you canât identify. The big dining table in the main room is extended to its full length, chairs pulled from everywhere to circle it. The sideboard is already lined with dishesâbowls of potatoes, platters of meat, salad, and cornbread.
You hover by the doorway, uncertain where to stand. Seungcheol moves around the table, setting out extra plates with an efficiency that speaks of years of doing this. Heâs out of his usual work shirts, wearing a clean button-down with the sleeves rolled to his forearms. He looks up, catches sight of you, and gives a short nod. It feels like approval. Or at least acceptance. âAlright,â he says, voice carrying easily over the chatter. âGrab a seat. Mingyu?â You turn.
Mingyu is standing near the head of the table, chair pulled back but not yet taken. His hat is off, dark hair a little mussed. He looks more tired than usual, a faint line between his brows. He scans the room, eyes briefly skimming over each face. When his gaze lands on you, it sticks. Your pulse jumps.
The room quiets, the way rooms do when people sense something about to happen. You feel every eye shift to you, then to him, then back again. He exhales through his nose, like he resents having to speak this much. âTwo weeks ago,â he says, âSeok dragged someone off the road and into our mess.â A few people chuckle. Seokmin makes an offended noise. âHey!â Mingyu ignores him. âNo ranch experience. No references. Didnât know which end of a pitchfork was up.â His eyes stay on you, giving the words weight. âSaid sheâd work harder than anyone if we gave her a chance.â
âWe donât do charity,â he continues. âWe donât have the time. Out here, you pull your weight, or someone else has to carry it for you. And I donât like carrying more than I have to.â A ripple of amusement moves around the table. You want to disappear. He lets the silence stretch just long enough that your stomach flips. Then he shrugs, one shoulder sharp and deliberate. âRookie can stay,â he says. âShe pulls her weight.â
For a second, the words donât register. Then the meaning hits you all at once. Stay. You can stay. The rush of relief is so intense you sway where you stand. Hanaâs hand comes to the small of your back, steadying. Riley whoops loud enough to rattle the windows. âHell yeah!â
Seokmin throws both arms in the air like his team just won the championship. âI told you!â he yells at no one in particular. âI told all of you! You owe me five bucks, Vernon!â
Vernon groans. âWe werenât actually betting!â
âWe were in my heart.â
Dino thumps you on the shoulder. âCongrats, Rookie.â
There it is again, the nickname. This time, it doesnât sting. It lands somewhere softer. The way they say it nowâitâs not a jab at what you donât know. Itâs a marker of where you started and how far youâve come. A way of pulling you into the circle without demanding you forget youâre new. Even Tess smiles, eyes crinkling at the corners. âTold you,â she murmurs. âWork counts here.â
Seungcheol steps closer, plate still in his hand. âGlad youâre staying,â he says simply. You blink. âYou are?â He nods, one corner of his mouth tugging up. âYou keep the others in line. Thatâs worth a lot.â
Hana snorts. âNobody keeps Riley in line.â
âShe tries,â Riley says, flinging an arm around your shoulders. âThatâs what counts.â
Someone claps. Someone else pounds on the table. Mingyu just sits down at the head of the table and reaches for a serving spoon like he didnât just change your entire life with one sentence. The nerve of him.
The impromptu celebration folds itself into the existing tradition of Sunday family dinner. Itâs not fancy. Itâs not planned. But it feels like more than any birthday or anniversary youâve ever had. People cram into every available chair, and some end up perched on the arms or sitting on the floor near the coffee table with plates balanced on their knees. The noise level rises with every minute: laughter, overlapping conversations, cutlery clinking. You end up wedged between Riley and Tess on one side of the table. Across from you, Seokmin has somehow wound up directly opposite an empty chair that stays empty for an uncomfortably long time.
Until the front door opens again. You glance up automatically. Mae steps into the room, hair loose from its bun, a simple dress softening her sharp lines. She looks⊠different away from town. Less guarded. But her eyes are the same, scanning the room, taking in the chaos with a single raised brow. Seokmin almost drops his fork. âMae,â he says, voice an octave higher than usual. She gives him a flat look. âYou sound surprised. You invited me.â
Hana leans toward you, whispering behind her hand. âRiley and I cornered her at the coffee shop and told her sheâd be a coward if she didnât come. Youâre welcome.â
âShe used the word âcowardâ like, twelve times,â Riley adds. Mae rolls her eyes, but thereâs the faintest hint of a smile tugging at her mouth. âI said Iâd stop by,â she says. âI never promised to stay.â
She slides into the empty seat opposite him with a grace that suggests sheâs more in control than anyone else in the room. He immediately straightens his shirt, suddenly aware of himself in a way that makes you bite back a grin. You catch Maeâs eye for a moment. She inclines her head slightly. âHey,â she says. âHeard you made the cut.â You flush. âApparently.â
âNora said you would.â The warmth that blooms in your chest at that is ridiculous. Before you can respond, another voice cuts through the noise. âWho left their truck halfway across the driveway?â
The room parts a little to make way for a woman carrying a tote bag stuffed with colored folders. Sheâs in black jeans and boots, a soft T-shirt under an open flannel, hair scraped up into a messy twist thatâs already slipping loose. Thereâs chalk dust on her sleeve and crayon marks on the side of her hand. You donât need an introduction to guess what she does. âEvie,â Hana crows. âYouâre late.â Evie huffs, dropping her bag near the couch. âI was grading spelling tests. Apparently, âhippopotamusâ is everyoneâs favourite word to ruin this week.â
Tess stands to grab another plate. âYou made it just in time,â she says. Evie steps toward the table, then stops when she catches sight of Seungcheol coming in from the kitchen with a dish of roasted vegetables. Her spine straightens. His jaw sets. The temperature in the room drops two degrees. âYouâre blocking the doorway,â she says, chin lifting.
âItâs my house,â he shoots back.
âItâs also my shin youâre going to bruise if you drop that pan,â she replies. âMove, Cheol.â
He shifts sideways with a put-upon sigh. âYou could say âplease,â you know.â
âYou could not park like an idiot,â she tosses over her shoulder as she squeezes past him. A few ranch hands exchange looks that scream, âHere we go.â
Hana smirks. âChildren,â she mutters to you, pleased. Evie drops into a chair near Hana, across from Vernon. âWhoâs the new one?â she asks immediately, looking at you. You wipe your palms on your thighs. âIâmââ Hana finishes before you can. âThis is Rookie.â
Evieâs eyes sparkle. âAlready got a nickname, huh? Brave of you to stick around.â
âSheâs staying,â Riley announces. âOfficially. Mingyu said so. Weâre celebrating.â Evie raises her glass of water. âTo Rookie, then,â she says. âMay the kids at school never learn from my example of stubbornness.â Across the table, Seungcheol snorts. âToo late for that,â he mutters. Evie glares at him. âWhat was that?â
âNothing.â
âThatâs what I thought.â
Despite the bite to their words, thereâs a thread under itâfamiliarity, history. They know exactly which buttons to press and exactly how far they can push them. You tuck that away, curious. Seokmin leans over, stage-whispering. âEvie teaches at the school. Third grade. She thinks she runs this town.â Evie points her fork at him without looking. âI heard that.â
âSee?â he whispers, eyes wide. âPsychic.â
Laughter ripples around the table. Mingyu doesnât join in, exactly. But you catch him watching the scene with his head slightly tilted, like heâs cataloguing it. The noise. The teasing. You, bracketed by Riley and Tess, cheeks pink from attention. At one point, his gaze meets yours. You look away too quickly, staring hard at your mashed potatoes.
The food is better than anything youâve eaten in months. Maybe years. Roast chicken, potatoes mashed with butter and cream, green beans with almonds, fresh bread still warm from the oven. Someone made a peach cobbler that sits on the counter like a promise for later. You eat until your stomach protests, and still Tess nudges another roll toward your plate. âOne more,â she says. âYouâll burn it all off tomorrow anyway.â
People keep toasting you in small, silly ways:
âTo Rookie not quitting after Vernon almost ran her over with the four-wheeler.â
âTo Rookie for not crying when the calf peed on her.â
âTo Rookie for figuring out which faucet doesnât scream in the bunkhouse.â
Each one is ridiculous and true in its own small way. You laugh until your cheeks hurt. Thereâs a moment where you catch yourself leaning back in your chair, a full plate in front of you, chatter on all sides, warmth tucked into the corners of the room like extra blankets. You realise youâre not worrying about whoâs coming up the driveway. Youâre not listening for footsteps in the hall. Youâre⊠here. In this house. At this table. A place set for you like it was assumed from the start. Your throat tightens suddenly. You take a sip of water to hide it.
Across the table, Mae watches you with an expression thatâs hard to read. Then she glances at Seokmin and sighs. âYou picked a good one,â she says to him quietly, like maybe she didnât mean to let it out loud. Seokmin freezes. âWhat?â
âDonât make it weird,â she warns, but thereâs a twitch at the corner of her mouth. He doesnât know what to do with that and ends up laughing too loudly, which of course makes it weird anyway.
Evie and Seungcheol start bickering over the correct way to teach fractions. Riley and Dino argue about which movie theyâre going to force everyone to watch later. Hana gets into a heated discussion with Vernon about whose music taste is worse. Tess shakes her head fondly, collecting empty plates as she can reach them. At the head of the table, Mingyu has gone mostly quiet again, chewing slowly, listening more than he speaks. He doesnât add to the toasts. He doesnât tease. But when you glance his way, you catch the smallest shift in his expression. Pride, maybe. Or relief.
Later, when the dishes are stacked, and the cobbler is half demolished, and people have drifted into smaller clustersâsome to the porch, some to the living room, some to the yardâyou slip outside alone for a breath of air.
The sky is a deep velvet, pinpricked with stars. The mountains are dark shapes on the horizon, familiar now instead of looming. The yard hums with low conversation and the occasional burst of laughter from the porch. You sit on the steps of the big house, elbows on your knees, hands clasped. The word stay rolls around your brain like a new language. You can stay. Not forever. You donât let your mind go that far. But longer than two weeks. Long enough to unpack your duffel without feeling superstitious. Long enough to learn the names of every horse and calf. Long enough that maybe the shadows at your back start to loosen.
The front door opens behind you with a soft creak. You donât have to turn to know who it is. Mingyu steps out onto the porch, footsteps slow. He pauses for a moment, like he might turn back, then walks to stand at the rail beside you. You keep your gaze on the dirt. He leans his forearms on the wooden railing, staring out at the dark yard, shoulders loose for once.
For a long time, neither of you says anything. Crickets sing. Someone laughs in the bunkhouse yard. The air smells like dust and the last traces of dinner. Finally, he says, âYou did good today.â
âI thought you didnât believe in promises,â you say softly. He huffs, just a breath. âI donât.â You wait. âBut I believe in what I see,â he adds. You turn your head, watching him in the dim porch light. His profile is sharp, eyes on the horizon. âAnd what do you see?â you ask before you can stop yourself. He doesnât look at you.
âSomeone who didnât quit when it got hard,â he says. âSomeone who learned. Who listened. Who didnât ask for special treatment.â
âYou made it sound like you didnât want me here,â you say. Itâs not an accusation. Just a truth. He finally does look at you then. His gaze is steady, dark. âI didnât,â he says honestly.
The bluntness makes you flinch. He sees it. âNew people are trouble,â he continues, voice low. âThey change things. They leave.â His jaw flexes. âI donât like change much these days.â You donât know what to do with that, so you just sit with it.
âBut,â he says after a moment, the word dragged out of him, âyouâre here. And youâre staying. So⊠weâll deal with it.â
Somehow, thatâs the closest youâre going to get to Iâm glad you stayed tonight. You nod. âOkay.â
He studies you one last time, then straightens. âDonât let Riley keep you up all night,â he mutters. âYou still work in the morning.â
You almost smile. âYes, boss.â He grunts. âDonât call me that.â
âWhat should I call you then?â He hesitates. âMingyu,â he says. Then, with a small, reluctant twitch of his mouth, âAnd youâre Rookie.â It settles into your skin like something claimed. âRookie,â you echo.
He nods once, satisfied, and steps back through the front door, letting it swing shut behind him. You sit there on the steps for another minute, feeling the word settle in your bones.
Rookie. Not runaway. Not trouble. Not fraud. Rookie.
When you finally head back to the bunkhouse, the crickets are still singing, the mountains still watching. The chair is still by the bunkhouse door, but itâs there to hold boots, not to wedge under a handle. You crawl into your bunk, Rileyâs soft snoring above you, Hana muttering in her sleep, Tessâs silhouette a calm shadow in the dim. You close your eyes.
For the first time, you donât count the days until you have to leave. You count the chores youâll do tomorrow. And the days after that.
You can stack hay now without almost passing out.
You can haul feed without losing your grip, muck two rows of stalls before the sun clears the barn roof, and find a loose fence staple in a run of a hundred posts in half the time it took you before. Your palms are callused, your back strong, your body different in ways that donât show in a mirror, but you feel every time you bend, lift, breathe.
Chores, youâre getting the hang of. Itâs the horses that are the problem. You remind yourself they are just animals. Just big, muscled, flighty, thousand-pound animals with hooves that could break bones and eyes that see everything.
The first time one of them snorts behind you, you nearly jump out of your skin. âEasy,â Tess says, hand closing around your elbow. âHeâs just saying hi.â You eye the gelding in questionâbroad chest, dark mane, ears flicking. He eyes you back, unimpressed. âHeâs huge,â you mutter.
âYouâll get used to it,â she assures you.
Youâre not. You can curry comb with only mild terror now. You can lead a calm horse by the halter if someone else is close enough to grab the rope if you mess up. You know to watch ears and tails, to listen for the shift in weight that means a kick is coming. But riding? Youâve been avoiding that like itâs a cliff edge.
Youâre good at avoidance. You used to avoid whole days, whole conversations, whole truths. It works for a while. Thereâs enough to learn on the ground that no one pushes it. Mingyu doesnât mention it, at least not to you. Hana handles anything that involves actual saddles and reins. Seokmin focuses on your strengthsâfeeding, mucking, fence work, inventory. You tell yourself maybe theyâll just forget you donât ride. Itâs a stupid thought. Everyone here rides.
It catches up to you one afternoon. Youâre in the smaller corral, helping Hana brush down a bay mare named Juniper. The horse is patient, tolerant, only swishing her tail occasionally as flies buzz near her flanks. Youâre starting to relax, your strokes longer, smoother, your mind drifting.
The gate creaks. Something in you goes rigid before you even look. The mare feels it. Her ears flick back, muscles tensing under your hand. Your brush catches on a knot. You stumble a step, foot landing too close to her back leg. In the same instant, a shadow moves at the fence lineâa hand on the rail, a weight shifting. You realise youâve turned your back on her, and panic spikes. You freeze. Actually freeze. Your body goes tight as if locking in place can keep everything from shattering. Your breath stutters, lungs refusing to pull in air.
The mareâs head jerks. She dances sideways, hooves clattering against packed dirt. Not a full-on spook, nothing dramatic by ranch standards, but to you it feels like the ground just dropped out from under your feet. Hana moves fast, hand firm on the halter, voice low and soothing. âHey, hey, easy, June. Youâre okay. Sheâs okay.â
You backpedal too quickly, heel catching on uneven ground. You go down on your ass, the shock of impact rattling up your spine. Dust puffs up around you. For a second, you canât breathe at all. Your heart is hammering so hard it feels like it might bruise your ribs from the inside. Hana glances back at you. âYou alright?â
You nod too fast. âYeah. I justâsorry. I didnât mean toââ
âItâs fine,â she says, calm. âYou stepped where she couldnât see you. She got startled. Youâre not hurt?â You flex your ankle, your wrist, and check yourself automatically. âIâm okay.â Emotion sits high and hot in your throat anyway. Embarrassment. Fear. A tiny shard of something olderâmemories of being too close to something unpredictable and bigger than you, no exit, no control.
You push to your feet, dusting off your jeans with hands that still tremble. âIâm okay,â you repeat. Like saying it louder will make it true.
Hana studies you for a heartbeat longer, then nods. âTake five,â she says. âGet water. Iâll finish up with June.â
You want to argue. You want to prove you can bounce back. But your chest is tight, and your head is spinning, and for once you donât push through. You duck under the fence, step out of the corral, and head for the nearest trough, breathing hard. Youâre halfway across the yard when a familiar voice calls out. âRookie.â
You stop. Of course he saw. Mingyu is leaning against the fence that borders the main arena, arms folded, expression unreadable. His hat shades his eyes, but you can see the set of his jaw, the tightness around his mouth. âIâm fine,â you say automatically, before he can ask. He doesnât. âYou scared her,â he says instead. You bristle. âI know. I didnât mean toââ
âDoesnât matter if you meant to or not,â he cuts in. âIntent doesnât change where her hooves land. You donât walk up behind them like that if you canât read âem yet.â
Shame burns hot in your chest. âI thought she was calm.â
âShe was.â His tone isnât cruel, just blunt. âUntil you got tense enough to make a stone nervous.â
You flinch. He sighs quietly. âYou alright?â he asks, softer. There it is. The question everyone here keeps asking. You look past him, toward the mountains, eyes stinging. âIâm trying,â you say.
Itâs not an answer. Itâs the only one you have. He watches you for a long beat, then pushes off the fence. âWeâll fix it,â he says, like itâs simple. Like fear is a broken board or a loose staple. âYou canât work here and be afraid of horses forever.â
You stiffen. âIâm not afraid.â He raises a brow. You sigh. âIâm⊠working on it.â He gives a noncommittal grunt.
You turn away before you say something stupid. Your feet carry you toward the water trough, toward the bunkhouse, toward anywhere that isnât under his steady gaze. You donât see Seokmin watching from the barn door, eyes flicking between you and Mingyu, wheels turning.
The next morning dawns as usual: dark, cold, full of chores.
By mid-morning, youâve fallen into the familiar rhythmâfeed, muck, scrub, repeatâand your heart rate has mostly returned to its new normal. Youâre hauling a stack of folded saddle pads out of the tack room when Seokmin appears in the doorway, blocking your way with an exaggerated flail. âWhoa, whoa, whoa,â he says. âPerfect. I need you.â
You blink around the stack. âFor what? I still have stalls left.â
âHana can finish,â he says breezily over his shoulder. âHana, you can finish, right?â From somewhere in the barn, Hana calls back, âDepends. Do I get to watch her suffer?â
Seokmin grins. âYes.â
âThen yeah.â
You narrow your eyes. âThatâs ominous.â
He plucks the pads from your arms and tosses them onto a nearby bale. âCome on.â You follow him, suspicion growing with each step. He leads you out to the main arena: a wide, oval pen of packed dirt, bordered by a sturdy fence. A couple of riders are working a pair of horses at the far end, but Seokmin steers you to the quieter side, where a chestnut gelding stands tied to the rail, saddle already on, reins looped neatly. The gelding flicks an ear toward you, chewing absently on his bit.
Your stomach drops. âNope,â you say immediately. âAbsolutely not.â Seokmin bites back a smile. âMeet Milo,â he says. âHeâs the chillest thing on four legs. We put kids on him at the fall festival.â
âYou put children on that?â you demand, pointing.
âEveryone loves Milo.â Milo blinks slowly, unbothered. The ground under your feet feels suddenly very far away from anywhere safe. âSeokââ
He steps closer, hands up in the universal trust me gesture. âListen. Weâve been putting this off. Youâre doing great on the ground. But we canât keep you in the kiddie pool forever. Youâre part of this ranch now. That means at some point, youâre gonna need to sit on a horse.â
âSit on a horse,â you echo faintly. âYou make it sound like sitting on a couch.â He grins. âOkay, fair. Itâs like sitting on a couch that moves. But Miloâs basically a couch.â You stare at him.
Your chest tightens the way it did yesterday in the corralâonly this time thereâs no spook, no horse dancing sideways, no concrete trigger. Just the possibility. Just the thought of your feet leaving the ground and trusting something else to hold you. No. Your mind flashes images out of order: hands on your shoulders pressing you somewhere you donât want to go, a locked door, no way out. Your heart spikes. Seokminâs face shifts instantly, all joking wiped clean. âHey,â he says, voice low. âHey. Look at me.â
You drag your eyes up to his. Theyâre soft. Steady.
âYouâre safe,â he says. âYou can say no if you really want to. Iâm not gonna make you do anything. But I think you can do this. And I think youâll feel better when youâre not afraid of it anymore.â
You swallow hard. Those words land too true. Youâve spent so long being forced, you forgot what it feels like to choose something scary. You glance at Milo again. He blinks. You exhale shakily. âOkay,â you say. âOkay. But if I die, Iâm haunting you.â
Seokmin beams. âDeal.â
He leads you to the mounting blockâa sturdy wooden step that helps riders mount. Standing beside it, he pats Miloâs shoulder. âFirst things first,â he says. âWeâre not even getting on yet. Just touch him. Get used to how high he is.â You place a tentative hand on Miloâs shoulder. His coat is warm under your palm, the muscle beneath solid but not tense. His skin shivers once in response to a fly, but otherwise he stands still. Seokmin moves behind you, close but not crowding. âGood,â he murmurs. âNow step up.â You hesitate, then climb onto the mounting block. Milo seems even taller from here. The ground feels farther away than it has any right to. Your hand tightens on the saddle horn. Your legs want to lock.
Seokmin steps closer, one hand hovering near your hip like a safety rail. âIâve got you,â he says. âIâm right here. Weâre just gonna swing your leg over. Iâm not letting you fall.â Your throat is dry. You nod.
âOn three,â he says. "One⊠twoâŠ" You move on two. You grab the horn and swing your right leg over the saddle, scrambling a little, your boot catching for a second before going over. For a brief, terrifying moment, you feel off balance, weight tipped too far. Panic claws at your ribs.
Seokminâs hand lands solidly on your hip, steadying you. âEasy,â he says. âBreathe. Youâre up. Look at that.â You settle, both legs on either side of Milo, boots in the stirrups. Your hands clutch the horn like itâs the only thing anchoring you to the planet.
The world looks⊠different from up here. Wider. More exposed. If Milo moved right now, youâre not sure you wouldnât just fall straight off.
Your breathing comes in short, sharp pulls. âI donât like this,â you say, voice thin.
âI know,â Seokmin says. He moves in front of Milo, taking the reins lightly, his other hand reaching back toward your knee. âHey. Hey, Rookie. Look at me.â You drag your eyes away from the ground and up to his face. He smiles, gentle. âYouâre doing great,â he says. âYouâre not going anywhere. Miloâs not going anywhere. Weâre just gonna stand here. Thatâs it. Youâre allowed to just⊠sit.â
The pounding in your chest eases a fraction. Seokmin keeps his hand on your hip for balance, thumb resting lightly, not moving. âOkay,â he says after a moment. âNow, heels down a bit. Yeah. Like that. If you lock your legs, youâll bounce. Let your knees be soft. Trust the saddle. Itâs not going anywhere.â The instructions come in a calm stream. You latch onto them.
He takes a small step back, then forward, leading Milo in a slow, tiny circle. The horse plods obediently, unhurried. You cling to the horn and the idea of not dying. You barely notice youâre moving at first. Then you feel the shift under youâthe sway of Miloâs shoulders, the rocking motion of his walk. Your instinct is to stiffen, but Seokminâs hand on your hip reminds you of the earlier instruction. Soft knees. Trust.
âYouâre okay,â he says again. âYouâre doing it.â
You are. Youâre riding a horse. Sort of.
Your whole body is tense, but youâre not falling. Milo chews his bit lazily, unimpressed by your internal crisis. You almost start to believe you can do this. And then Seokmin steps closer to adjust your posture. âHere,â he says, moving behind your leg. âYouâre tipping forward. Think chest up. Hips under you.â His hand slides from your knee up to your hip, gentle but firm, guiding your pelvis back a fraction. The motion is surprisingly intimateânot in a way that feels wrong, but in a way that sends a weird little shock up your spine. Heâs all business, focused on your balance.
âThere,â he murmurs. âFeel the difference?â
You do. You feel more secure. Less like youâre about to topple face-first into the dirt. You also feel eyes burning into your back. You glance toward the fenceâand nearly jump out of the saddle. Mingyu is standing at the gate to the arena, one hand curled around the top rail. He must have been there longer than you realised, because his hat is pushed back slightly and his expression isnât neutral. His jaw is locked. His gaze is pinned on Seokminâs hand on your hip.
Heat floods your face. You hadnât thought about what this looks like. You hadnât thought about anything but not falling. But seeing Mingyu see you like thisâperched awkwardly on a horse, Seokminâs body close to yours, his hand holding you steadyâsends a flush of something sharp through your chest. Something that feels suspiciously like guilt even though youâve done nothing wrong. Seokmin notices your distraction and follows your line of sight. âOh,â he says. âHey, Mingyu.â
Mingyu doesnât answer. He pushes off the fence and strides into the arena, boots kicking up small puffs of dust. Up close, he looks bigger somehow. Broader. The line of his mouth is thin, his eyes darker than usual. You swallow, fingers gripping the horn tighter. Milo flicks an ear, sensing the shift in energy. Mingyu stops a few feet away, gaze flicking briefly to your face, then back to where Seokminâs hand still rests on your hip. âWhat are you doing?â he asks, voice flat. Seokmin blinks. âTeaching Rookie to ride,â he says, like itâs obvious. âShe did good until you walked in. Now she looks like sheâs gonna faint.â
"Iâm not gonna faint,â you mutter, even as your vision feels a little hazy. Mingyu ignores you. âYou donât have time for this,â he says to Seokmin. âYouâre supposed to be helping Vernon with the feed delivery.â Seokmin looks momentarily guilty, then defensive. âHeâs got Wonwoo. Theyâll be fine. She needs to learn sometime.â
"Not from you,â Mingyu says. The words are sharp enough that even Milo flicks his tail. Silence folds around the three of you. Seokmin frowns. âWhatâs your problem?â Mingyuâs jaw works, like heâs biting back about ten things he wants to say.
âYouâre not watching her feet,â he says finally. âIf Milo shifts, sheâs gonna lose her balance and eat dirt. And youâre standing on the wrong side to catch her.â
"Iâm fine,â you protest, though youâre suddenly very aware of how high up you really are. Mingyu steps closer to Miloâs other side, hand coming up to rest on the geldingâs neck. His presence is steadier than the fence. His eyes flick to yours, holding. âTake your foot out of the stirrup,â he says.
âWhy?â
"Just do it.â You do. Your boot slips free. Immediately, you feel less anchored. Panic flares. Mingyuâs hand flashes out to your calf, fingers circling firm, stabilising you. âSee?â he says to Seokmin, not looking away from you. âSheâs not ready for you to half-ass this while you crack jokes. You step away for one second and she goes down.â
The unfairness of that hits you. âI wouldnâtââ
"You donât know what youâd do,â he says, not unkindly. âYouâve been on a horse for ten minutes.â
You hate that heâs right. You hate that he knows heâs right. You hate that his hand on your leg makes you feel⊠safer, somehow. Seokminâs cheeks flush, whether from the criticism or something else. âI wasnât half-assing it,â he says, defensive. âIâm just trying to help.â Mingyuâs jaw clenches. âAnd I said Iâve got it.â
Thereâs a beat where Seokmin looks between the two of youâyour white-knuckled grip on the horn, Mingyuâs steady hand on your calf, the way your whole body is vibrating with barely controlled nerves. His shoulders drop a fraction. âFine,â he says, stepping back, hands up. âYou want to play horse whisperer, knock yourself out.â
He pats Miloâs shoulder lightly. âYouâre in good hands, Rookie,â he says to you, softer, then tosses Mingyu a look thatâs equal parts fond and annoyed. âTry not to scare her more than the horse already does.â
He leaves the arena, dust swirling in his wake. You watch him go, guilt and gratitude tangled up in your chest. Mingyu waits until the gate clicks shut behind Seokmin before he shifts his grip, hand sliding from your calf to your ankle, then letting go once your foot is securely back in the stirrup. âHe was helping,â you say quietly.
âHe was distracting,â Mingyu counters. You bristle. âDistracting who?â His gaze flicks to you, heavy. You feel the answer in the way he looks away just as quickly. He clears his throat.
âIf youâre gonna ride,â he says, voice a little rougher, âyouâre gonna do it right. And youâre gonna do it with someone who actually knows how to keep you on the damn horse.â
"Seokmin knows how to ride,â you protest. âHe knows how to ride,â Mingyu agrees. âHe doesnât know how to teach you.â He nods toward Miloâs ears. âHe didnât see when June almost kicked you yesterday. I did.â You blink. âOkay, so what, youâre just gonnaââ
"Yes,â he interrupts. âFrom now on, if youâre on a horse, Iâm there.â
The absolute certainty in his tone makes something in you bristle and something else relax at the same time. Youâve had men lay down rules before. Youâve had them use Iâm there as a threat, a leash. This feels⊠different. Like a promise heâs making to himself as much as to you. You chew your bottom lip. âYou donât have toââ
"Iâm not arguing with you about this,â he says. âYou wanna stay here, you learn to ride. You wanna learn to ride, you do it my way. Or you stay on the ground and never ask to be out in a storm or on a drive.â The thought of being left behind when everyone else rides outâof standing at the fence, watching them go, uselessâmakes something twist in your gut. You donât want that. You donât want to be dead weight. You want to belong to the whole picture, not just the parts that keep your boots on the dirt. âOkay,â you say. âTeach me, then.â
For a moment, something unspoken passes between you: his stubbornness, your fear, his guilt for wanting to keep you off the back of any horse that could throw you, your determination to prove you wonât shatter. Then he nods once.
âSit up,â he says, slipping instantly into instruction. âYouâre slouching. Heels down. Donât choke the horn. Itâs not going anywhere.â You adjust. He steps back, but not far, his hand still hovering near your knee. âWeâre gonna walk the rail,â he says. âJust like you did with Seok. But this time, youâre gonna feel what Miloâs doing instead of clenching like youâre on a rollercoaster.â
"I hate rollercoasters,â you mutter.
âThen good thing this isnât one.â
He clicks his tongue softly and Milo steps forward. You tense automatically. âBreathe,â Mingyu says. âIn through your nose, out through your mouth. Match him.â
You focus on the rhythm of Miloâs walk: the gentle sway, the steady four-beat pattern. You let your knees move with it instead of fighting. Dust swirls lazily around his hooves. Mingyu walks at his shoulder, close enough that if you pitched forward, he could catch you. You can feel his presence like a second gravity. âBetter,â he murmurs after a lap. âYouâre not a statue anymore.â
"Feels like it,â you say. âYouâll get there.â
You circle the arena again. And again. Each time, the panic spikes a little less at the first step. Each time, Milo feels less like a looming threat and more like⊠a big, moving couch, just like Seokmin said. A couch with opinions, but still. Mingyu corrects you in small ways:
âDonât stare at his neck. Look where youâre going.â
"Relax your hands. Youâre not trying to strangle the reins.â
"If you feel him tense, donât freak out. Ask him whatâs wrong. Shift your weight. Be ready, but donât freeze.â
You want to roll your eyes at ask him whatâs wrongâlike horses can answerâbut then Miloâs ears flick at a sudden shout from the other end of the arena and his stride shortens for a second. You remember the instruction, bring your heels down, steady your hands, breathe out. He settles. Mingyu makes a low sound that, this time, you recognise as approval. By the time he tells you to halt, your thighs are trembling and your butt hurts in ways you didnât know it could, but youâre⊠okay. Still in the saddle. Still breathing. Alive.
He steps closer, hand coming up to the horn for a moment as you ease your foot out of the stirrup and swing your leg over. This time, you donât wobble as much. When your boots hit the dirt, the ground feels weirdly solid and strange all at once. You pat Miloâs neck with a shaky laugh. âThank you for not murdering me,â you whisper. He snorts, as if offended you ever doubted him. Mingyu watches you, expression unreadable. âAgain tomorrow,â he says.
âTomorrow?â
"You think youâre done after one lap around the arena?â His mouth quirks. âThat was lesson one. Youâve got a long way to go, Rookie.â The nickname, spoken hereâinside the arena, with your boots dusty and your heartbeat finally slowingâfeels like something new all over again. Not a jab at your lack of experience. A marker of this new achievement, too. You swallow, nodding. âOkay.â
He nods once more, satisfied, then slaps Miloâs shoulder affectionately. âGood boy,â he mutters to the horse. Then, to you, âGo cool off. Drink some water. Donât let Riley talk you into anything stupid tonight. Your legs are gonna hate you in the morning.â
"They already hate me,â you say.
âThatâs how you know youâre learning.â
As you walk out of the arena, leading Milo beside you, you glance back over your shoulder. Mingyu is standing in the middle of the ring, hands on his hips, watching you go with that same intent focus heâs had since the day you arrived.
Only now, under the scrutiny, thereâs a glint of something else. Responsibility. Reluctant pride. A claim he made out loud: If youâre on a horse, Iâve got you.
Riding becomes part of your days the way early mornings and coffee already are.
You donât know exactly when it shifts from extra thing Mingyu is forcing you to do to something with a slot in the rhythm of the ranch. It just⊠happens. Somewhere between the third and tenth morning you find yourself tugging on your boots and automatically wondering which horse heâll pick today. He never makes a big announcement. He just appears.
Sometimes itâs at dawn, leaning in the doorway of the barn, nodding toward the arena before the others are even fully awake. âTen minutes,â he says. âFinish your coffee.â Sometimes itâs mid-afternoon, when chores quiet down and the sun hangs heavy over the pens. âYou done with that?â he asks, nodding at your pitchfork or your coiled hose. âArena. Now.â
He doesnât ask if youâre ready. He assumes. Youâre not sure if that annoys you or steadies you. Maybe both.
Milo becomes your usual partner in crime. Occasionally he swaps you onto another horseâJune, when sheâs in a good mood, or an older gelding named Scoutâbut itâs mostly Miloâs sturdy shoulders under your saddle as you learn what your body is supposed to be doing.
Mingyu is strict. He doesnât coo or coddle. He doesnât give you gold stars for trying. âYouâre leaning too far forward,â he says. âYouâre telling him to hurry and you donât even mean to.â
"Youâre clenching your thighs like youâre trying to crack a walnut. Relax or youâre gonna be sore for a week.â
"If you keep staring down, youâre gonna steer him into the fence. Look where youâre going, Rookie.â
But he is patient. Painfully, stubbornly patient. He repeats the same corrections day after day, never sounding surprised that you need them again, only mildly annoyed at gravity and probably your center of balance. âHeels down,â he says for the thousandth time. You let your heels drop. âGood. Now shoulders back, not rigid. Youâre not on trial. Youâre just sitting.â
"Feels like a trial,â you mutter. He snorts. âJuryâs still out.â
He walks beside you most days, hand sometimes on Miloâs neck, sometimes hovering near your knee. When he does ride alongside you, heâs a steady presence at your flank, posture so natural it makes you want to scream. How is it possible for someone to look like they were born on a horse? You struggle not to stare. You struggle not to stare at him more than you struggle with the reins most days.
The touches start small and necessary. A hand on your calf when your foot slips in the stirrup. Fingers brushing your wrist as he adjusts where youâre holding the reins. The flat, warm weight of his palm against your knee when he stops Milo with a quiet âwhoaâ and keeps you from pitching forward. You tell yourself they donât mean anything. They donât, to him. Theyâre corrections, tools. Heâs not thinking about your pulse tripping along under your skin. You are.
Then there are the bigger touches.
âYouâre crooked,â he says one afternoon, squinting up at you from the ground. âI am not crooked.â
"You absolutely are. Your left hipâs ahead of your right. Scoot back.â You try. You wiggle in the saddle, trying to reset yourself, but end up feeling more off-balance. He sighs, steps closer. âStop. Youâll just throw yourself more out of line.â
He plants a boot on the lowest rail of the fence and hauls himself up so heâs almost level with the saddle. His height does the rest. Suddenly heâs right beside you, chest nearly level with your shoulder, one hand braced on the pommel. The other finds your hip. His fingers spread over bone and muscle, firm and sure as he nudges your pelvis back an inch, then another. Your breath catches. Heâs not rough, but heâs not tentative either. He moves you like he moves tackâconfident he knows what heâs doing. âThere,â he murmurs, voice close to your cheek. âFeel that? Your seatâs under you now, not sliding.â You feel something, alright.
You nod, words lost somewhere between your sternum and your throat. He doesnât seem to notice the way your heartbeat has kicked into a sprint. Or if he does, he doesnât comment. He just adjusts your other hip to match, thumbs pressing gently, and then slips back down to the ground like nothing happened. You spend the next five minutes trying to remember how reins work.
You fall on a Wednesday. Itâs your own fault, technically.
The air is sharp with the promise of changing weather, wind gusting across the arena and rattling the boards. Milo is a little livelier than usual, ears flicking at every new sound. âHe feels different,â you say, nerves prickling. âHeâs just reading the wind,â Mingyu replies. âYouâre fine. If he speeds up, donât yank his mouth. Sit deep. Ask him to come back to you.â
Ask him. Like that isnât the most abstract instruction on the planet. But you try. You circle the ring, heels down, shoulders back, remembering every bullet point heâs drilled into you. Miloâs walk turns into a jog for a few strides, but you manage to breathe through it, steady your hands, bring him back. Youâre proud of yourself. Too proud. Youâre thinking Iâm getting this when a tarp next to the arena snaps loud in the wind. Milo startles. Not a huge spook. Not a rear. Just a sudden leap sideways, a jump forward, his body tensing under you like a spring. You do exactly what youâre not supposed to do. You tense up, lean forward, and grab for the horn. Your weight shifts too far over his shoulder. Your right foot pops out of the stirrup. The world tilts. You slide. For a second, everything slows.
You see dirt rushing up toward you, feel the empty swing of your leg, hear Miloâs quickened breathing. Panic spikes white-hot in your veins. Someone shouts your name. Strong arms clamp around your waist. The impact you braced for doesnât come. You hit something else insteadâsomeone elseâand it knocks the breath out of you. You and Mingyu go down together in a messy tangle of limbs, but he takes the hit, rolling under you, his body absorbing the worst of it. You end up sprawled half on his chest, half beside him in the dirt, hat askew, heart beating so loud you can taste it. Milo trots a few steps away, then stops, snorting indignantly.
For a moment, there is no wind, no ranch, no sky. There is only the solid thump of Mingyuâs heart under your palms and the heat of his body pressed along yours. Your fingers are curled in his shirt. His arm is banded tight around your middle, having pulled you close on instinct. His other hand is braced in the dirt behind your shoulders, keeping you from smacking your head. His cap has flown off somewhere, dark hair mussed. His face is inches from yours. You can see the flecks of gold in his dark eyes. The small scar near his brow. The way his pupils are blown wide, adrenaline turning his gaze almost black. You try to breathe. You get something like a gasp instead. His chest rises under you, fast, then slower as he forces his lungs to cooperate.
âYou okay?â he asks, voice low and rough, like heâs been yelling even though he hasnât. The world narrows down to the question. Are you? You do a quick inventory. Bruised knees, maybe. Scraped palms. Pride in tatters on the arena floor. But alive. Held. âYeah,â you manage. âIâyeah. Iâm okay.â
You realise youâre still lying on him. You realise he realises it at the exact same moment. The air between you shifts. His gaze flicks to your mouth for the tiniest, traitorous second, then back up. You feel your own eyes do the same to his without permission, landing on his lips, on the breath you can feel against your cheek. For one dizzy, impossible heartbeat, you imagine closing the distance. His fingers flex on your waist.
Then he lets go like heâs been burned. âGet up,â he mutters, already moving you off him. The loss of contact is a shock in itself. He rolls to his feet in one smooth motion, brushes dirt off his jeans with hands that arenât quite steady. You push yourself upright more slowly, dust clinging to your palms, your knees. Mingyu retrieves his hat, slaps it against his thigh, and jams it back on his head like he can hide under the brim. âYou good?â he asks again, but the edge is back in his voice now. You nod, cheeks flaming. âIâm sorry,â you say. The apology feels too big for the situation and not big enough at the same time. âI panicked.â He exhales sharply. âYeah,â he says. âYou did.â The bluntness stings. You wrap your arms around yourself, suddenly cold.
âYou said heâd be fine,â you add, immediately regretting how accusing it sounds. Mingyu scrubs a hand over his face. âHe was fine,â he says, calmer. He nods toward Milo. âHe just hopped. You turned a hop into a disaster because you locked up.â You flinch.
âCongratulations,â he says, âthat makes you normal. Everybody eats dirt at some point.â
âYouâve fallen?â He snorts. âRookie, if you ride long enough, the questionâs not âhave you fallen,â itâs âhow many times and did anyone see.ââ His mouth twitches. âUnfortunately for you, I did.â
You stare at him. The tension in your chest loosens by a thread. âYou saved me,â you say quietly. He shrugs, looking away. âYou were falling in front of me,â he mutters. âI wasnât gonna let you snap your neck on my watch.â
Maybe itâs the adrenaline still buzzing in your veins. Maybe itâs the memory of his arms locked around you, the solid certainty of his grip. But something in you responds to the my in that sentence. âThank you,â you say. He nods once, still not meeting your eyes. âYou done for today?â he asks.
You should be. Youâre shaken, humiliated, your brain ping-ponging between near-fall and near-something-else on the ground. You look at Milo, at the saddle, at the dirt. You think about fear, about running, about all the times youâve taken one bad moment as proof you should never try again. âNo,â you say, surprising both of you. âI want to get back on.â His head snaps up. âNow?â
"If I donât, Iâll think about it all night,â you admit. âAnd then I wonât get back on at all.â He stares at you for a long, unreadable moment. Pride flickers across his face before he can kill it. âAlright,â he says. âBack on, then.â
His hands are all business as he brings Milo back, checks the girth, reins the horse in closer. When he helps you mount this time, his touch is still steady, but he keeps more distance between your bodiesâlike getting that close to you again is a nuisance he doesnât want to repeat. You notice. You file it away.
You ride three more slow circles without falling. Itâs not graceful. Itâs not pretty. But itâs you, on a horse, after hitting the ground, and it feels like some quiet miracle.
Everyone else seems to notice something you donât. Theyâre not subtle about it. At dinner that night, you squeeze onto the bench between Tess and Riley, legs pleasantly aching, adrenaline finally worn down to a hum. Your hair is still damp from your shower, curling slightly around your face. Thereâs a dull bruise already staining your knee under your jeans. âHeard you had a date with the dirt,â Vernon says as he passes you the mashed potatoes. You groan. âWho told you?â
"We have eyes,â Hana says. âAnd also Dino was pretending to practice his roping and watched the whole thing.â Dino raises a hand from the other end of the table. âYou bounced,â he says cheerfully. âBut like, in a tough way.â
"Thanks,â you mutter. Riley nudges your shoulder, eyes gleaming. âMore importantly,â she says. âWe heard about the catch.â Your fork pauses halfway to your mouth. âWhat catch?â She wiggles her eyebrows. âThe Mingyu-shaped crash pad.â Your ears go hot. âNothing happened.â Tess gives you a look. âYouâre bright red,â she says mildly. âSo something happened.â
"He just⊠didnât let me die,â you sputter. âThatâs his job.â
"Yes, but did he have to roll with you?â Riley asks. âDid he have to cradle you?â Hana adds, hand over her heart. âDid he have to look like a romance novel cover while doing it?â Riley finishes.
âI didnâtââ You cut yourself off, stabbing your potato with unnecessary violence. Down the table, Seokmin leans back in his chair, watching you with a little smile. His gaze flicks briefly to where Mingyu sits, and his smile grows when he catches him pointedly not looking at you. Mingyu keeps his focus on his plate like itâs a contract in need of signing.
Later in the meal, the conversation shifts. It always does, swirling around work and town gossip and whatever nonsense Vernon and Dino have gotten up to. Tonight, it lands squarely on Evie and Seungcheol, which is always good entertainment.
âDid you fill out those field trip forms I gave you?â Evie asks, spearing a piece of chicken with unnecessary force. Seungcheol chews slowly, pretending not to hear her. Evie narrows her eyes. âCheol.â He sighs. âI looked at them,â he says. âAnd?â
"And some of those questions are ridiculous.â He gestures vaguely with his fork. âWhy do you need to know if every kidâs grandma has a favorite color?â Evieâs stare turns lethal. âThose are reflection prompts for the kids,â she says tightly. âThe actual permission slip is on the back, which youâd know if you ever read anything all the way through.â
"I read contracts all day,â he protests. âIâm not reading about little Timmyâs favorite dinosaur.â
"Itâs not about Timmyâs dinosaur, itâs about getting them to think aboutââ
"If the forms are that important, why didnât you just bring the kids out without me?â
"Because we need your liability waiver, genius,â she snaps. âAnd your precious insurance paperwork. And maybe I didnât want to risk having thirty eight-year-olds trample your fence line without warning.â
Hana leans toward you, stage-whispering. âI give them five minutes before one of them throws food.â Riley hums. âThree,â she whispers back. Tess just shakes her head, lips twitching.
âIâm just saying,â Seungcheol continues, âyou could have explained it better instead of dumping a stack of papers on my desk and yelling about âchildhood experiences.ââ
"I did explain it,â Evie fires back. âYou were on your phone. Like you always are when I talk about anything that isnât cattle weight or feed costs.â
"Because we own a ranch.â
"Because youâre emotionally constipated.â
A chorus of oof travels around the table. Seungcheol sets his fork down very carefully. âExcuse me?â Evie doesnât back down. âYou heard me.â
For a moment, the air crackles. Theyâre both flushedâhim with annoyance, her with righteous indignation that somehow still looks good on her. Theyâre leaning in, eyes locked, completely focused on each other. If either of them took half that intensity and pointed it somewhere other than an argument, youâre pretty sure this table would catch fire. âJust kiss already,â Dino mutters under his breath, not quietly enough.
Hana chokes on her drink. âChan,â Tess hisses. Evie and Seungcheol both swing their glares toward Dino, united for one brief second in their outrage. âWhat did you say?â Evie demands.
âNothing,â Dino says quickly. âJust⊠pass the salt?â
Nobody believes him. But the spell breaks. Evie huffs, stabbing another piece of chicken. Seungcheol shakes his head and picks up his fork again. âIâll sign the damn forms,â he grumbles. âBring your kids. Just warn me before they unleash hell.â
Evie lifts her chin. âTheyâre eight, not demons.â He gives her a pointed look. âDebatable.â She throws a napkin at him. Everyone rolls their eyes and smiles into their plates. You do too.
You catch Mingyu watching them, expression somewhere between tired fondness and please donât make me be in the room when this explodes. His gaze slides to you then, like it canât help it. You look away, pretending to be very interested in Rileyâs story about Vernonâs failed attempt at baking bread. But your skin prickles. Because you can feel itâthe way something between you and him shifted out there in the arena. How itâs still shifting, even now, under the surface of your work and his gruff orders and your attempts to act like it was just a riding lesson.
You wonder how long you can pretend itâs only the riding youâre learning to trust.
Longview feels different at the end of a long week.
Like something electric. Anticipation, maybe. You can feel it humming under everyoneâs skin all dayâlouder jokes in the barn, music blaring from the guysâ bunkhouse while they shower, Hana yelling through the open window that if Vernon steals her good boots again, sheâs stapling them to the floor. Youâre halfway through braiding your hair when Riley slaps a palm on your bunk and declares, âWeâre making you pretty.â
âIâm already pretty,â you protest, even though your stomach flips. âWeâre making you bar pretty,â she corrects. âDifferent scale.â
Tess snorts from where sheâs folding laundry. âSheâs fine as she is.â
âI didnât say she wasnât,â Riley says. âI said weâre upgrading. Itâs her one-month-iversary. Weâre celebrating properly.â
Hana appears with a swipe of mascara and a wicked grin. âAnd by properly, she means weâre going to get you drunk enough to dance and sober enough to remember it.â You laugh, but thereâs a flicker of something else underneath.
A month. Youâve been here a month. Longview isnât a transit stop anymoreânot in your chest. Itâs stalls at dawn, coffee in cracked mugs, Miloâs warm shoulder under your palm, Mingyuâs voice saying âheels downâ so often you hear it in your sleep. Itâs laundry on the lines and Noraâs bread on the counter and family dinners where your chair is just⊠there. You didnât think youâd get a month of anything like that again. âOkay,â you relent. âMake me bar pretty.â Riley whoops in triumph.
Hana digs out the skirt she convinced you to buy in townâdark, soft, a little shorter than youâre used to. Tess insists on one of her tops, a black thing that drapes in all the right places and shows a hint more skin than you usually dare. They argue over earrings. Riley wins. By the time youâre standing in front of the bunkhouse mirror, you barely recognise the woman staring back. Sheâs still youâsame eyes, same scar half-hidden at your jaw, same bone-deep caution. But thereâs colour in her cheeks and gloss on her mouth and something wild in the way sheâs standing, weight on one hip like she has a right to take up space. âDamn, Rookie,â Hana says, low. âLook at you.â
âMingyuâs gonna have a stroke,â Riley adds cheerfully. Your stomach does something stupid. âHe wonât care,â you lie. They give you a synchronised sure, Jan look.
The bar in town looks different tonight than the first time you saw it. Then, it was noise and neon and unknowns you didnât have the bandwidth to face. Now, arriving with a convoy of trucks and familiar voices spilling out into the gravel lot, it feels less like a threat and more like a little pocket of the world youâre allowed to share. Music thumps through the walls, low and pulsing. The place is packed: locals, travellers, ranch hands from other spreads. Trucks lined up under the string lights, cigarette smoke curling in the cool air. Above the door, the same faded sign buzzes faintly. âAlright, children,â Tess says as everyone piles out of the trucks. âGround rules: we all get home in one piece, nobody gets in a fight, and if anyone vomits in my truck, theyâre mucking stalls for a week.â
Riley salutes. âYes, mom.â
âStop calling me mom.â
You fall into step with Hana and Riley, your boots crunching on gravel. Behind you, you hear Seokminâs loud laugh as he hooks an arm around Seungcheolâs shoulders, teasing him about looking like someoneâs dad in his nicer shirt. Mingyuâs heavier footsteps are unmistakable, steady and unhurried. You donât look back.
Inside, the bar is all dim lights and bodies moving in a loose, happy press. The air smells like beer and fried food and perfume, the floor sticky in places, the walls crowded with old photos and rusty license plates.
Mae is behind the bar. You almost donât recognise her. Sheâs in a simple black tank and jeans, hair pulled up, tattoos on her forearms visible. Sheâs moving fast, pouring, laughing, sliding bottles down the counter with enthusiastic precision. The second she spots your group, her mouth quirks. âLook what the cows dragged in,â she calls. Seokmin beelines for her like heâs been magnetised. âMae.â His voice goes softer, warmer. âYou lookââ
âBusy,â she cuts in, grabbing a bottle. âWhat do you want?â
âYour heart,â he says, without missing a beat. She rolls her eyes. âOn tap or bottled?â The guys snicker. Hana groans. You bite back a grin. âTwo pitchers of beer,â Seungcheol orders smoothly, sliding in to spare Seokmin from himself. âAnd, uhââ he glances at you, Riley, Hana, Tess ââwhatever they want.â Maeâs eyes sweep over you, taking in your outfit, your slightly self-conscious posture. âFirst drinkâs on me,â she says. âHappy one-month, Longview.â
Warmth floods your chest. âThanks.â She taps the bar. âDonât let them corrupt you too fast.â
âToo late,â Riley says, already reaching for the shot glass Mae plants in front of her.
âOne each,â Mae warns, sliding three more shot glasses your way. âTwo each,â Riley corrects, immediately flagging down another. âWeâre celebrating.â You down yours, coughing a little at the burn, and feel the heat bloom in your chest, loosening edges you didnât realise were still clenched. Mingyu hangs back a few steps, the slide of his gaze quick but thorough. He takes a beer when itâs passed to him, nods at Mae. âYou good?â she asks him.
âIâm fine,â he says.
âTry having fun,â she suggests. His mouth twitches. âWeâll see.â
You donât mean to end up on the dance floor so fast. It just happens. The music shifts into something with a beat, and Riley yelps, âOh my God, I love this one!â She grabs your hand, and suddenly youâre in the middle of itâlights spinning, bodies moving, heat on your skin. Hanaâs beside you, hips swaying, arms thrown up, hair whipping. Tess is more restrained but still smiling, muttering, âIâm too old for this,â even as she taps her foot and lets Riley spin her. Youâre stiff at first. Self-conscious. Hyper-aware of your own limbs. Then the chorus hits. Riley whoops. Hana bumps your hip. âLoosen up, Rookie!â she hollers over the music. âNobodyâs watching!â
Thatâs not true. You know itâs not true. But for once, it doesnât send your heart into your throat. You close your eyes, feel the bass under your boots, the air brushing your bare legs as your skirt swings. You let your body moveânot gracefully, not perfectly, but honestly. Shoulders rolling, hair sticking to your neck, laughter coming more easily. When you open your eyes again, you catch a glimpse of the bar. Mingyu is there, half-leaning against it, beer in hand, talking with Wonwoo and Dino. His cap is off, hair messy from the day, the collar of his shirt open. He looks relaxed, in that coiled way he has, like even at ease heâs ready to move. His gaze is on you. Not on the crowd. On you.
The song ends, another one starts. At some point Riley staggers back from the bar with a tray of shots, grinning like sheâs discovered oil. âAnniversary round!â she shouts, thrusting a glass into your hand. âFor bravery and bad decisions!â
âYouâre going to kill her,â Tess says, but she takes one too. You clink the tiny glass with theirs and toss it back. The second burn is easier. It slides into the first, warmth spreading through your stomach. When you step back onto the dance floor this time, youâre buzzing. From the shots. From the music. From the way Mingyuâs gaze keeps finding you no matter where you move. You feel it like a touch between your shoulder blades, low on your spine, tracking every sway of your hips. Every time you glance over, heâs still there. Sometimes heâs pretending to listen to Wonwoo. Sometimes Seokmin is talking his ear off. But his eyes⊠They stay you.
And for the first time in years, instead of making you want to shrink, that look makes you want to see what happens if you lean into it. You let your movements slow down. Smoother. Your hips roll a little deeper with the beat. You shrug one shoulder, let your hair fall over your face and then toss it back. Your hands skim down your own sides as you turn, skirt swishing high on your thighs. Youâre not dancing for the room. Youâre dancing because his eyes are on you and, with the warmth of the alcohol in your veins, it feels⊠good. Powerful. Like claiming the body you live in instead of just hauling it through the day.
Hana whistles. âOkay, Rookie,â she laughs, pulling you closer. âI see you.â Riley cackles. âSomeoneâs gonna combust,â she sing-songs. You risk another glance toward the bar. Mingyuâs jaw is tight. His grip on his beer bottle looks like it might snap glass. Heâs not even pretending to follow whatever joke Dino just told. His eyes track the line of your thighs, the way your top clings when you lift your arms, the tilt of your mouth when you laugh at something Hana says. Seungcheol leans in, shoulder brushing Mingyuâs, lips moving near his ear. You canât hear what he says over the music. You see the effect. Mingyuâs mouth flattens. His gaze sharpens. He shakes his head once, like heâs telling himself something youâre not privy to. Seungcheol just gives him a knowing look and claps him on the back, moving away to intercept Evie, who has just walked in with murder in her eyes for whoever left copies jammed in the school printer. You donât hear that conversation either. Because thereâs suddenly someone behind you. A chest at your back. Hands too close to your waist. You stiffen, the good kind of heat evaporating. You turn and find a stranger.
Heâs tall, maybe your age or a few years older, in a worn ballcap and a T-shirt with some local beer logo on it. He smells like cheap whiskey and cologne, grin easy and just a little too confident. âCouldnât help noticing you out here,â he says, leaning in close so you can hear him. âDance with me?â You take a half-step back, trying to keep it light. âIâm with them,â you say, nodding toward Hana and Riley. âJust having fun.â He takes that as encouragement, not a boundary. He moves with you as you shift away, matching your steps, closing the space you opened. âLooks like you were dancing for everybody,â he chuckles. âDonât mind if I enjoy the show.â
âIâm good, thanks,â you say, louder this time, placing your hand flat on his chest. A polite barrier. He doesnât stop. He slides in closer, your palm pressing against him as he moves anyway, his hand brushing your hip like he has the right. âCome on, sweetheart,â he says, breath too hot against your ear. âDonât be shy.â Your heart starts to pound for a different reason. âI said no,â you repeat, trying to sidestep. His fingers curl around your wrist. Not gently.
The music keeps thumping, people keep moving, but in the small circle of space around you, everything narrows to the feel of that gripâtoo tight, too familiar, memories ripping up through your chest like weeds.
You yank your arm back on reflex. The hold tightens. âDonât be like that,â he says, smile slipping. âYou were practically begging for attention out here.â You open your mouthâto protest, to shout, to do somethingâbut you donât get the chance. A solid weight slams between you. Your arm is yanked free, not roughly, but decisively. The stranger is shoved back a step as a larger body shoulders him away from you.
Mingyu. Heâs suddenly there, filling your vision, standing squarely between you and the stranger, his frame a wall shielding you. âShe said no,â he snaps. Youâve never heard his voice like that. Not raised, exactly, but sharp enough to cut. The stranger sneers. âWho the fuck are you?â Mingyu doesnât answer. He steps into the guyâs space, shoulders broad, hands loose at his sides. You see the tension in him, coiled and ready, the same kind of readiness he carries on a horse when something spooksâfocused, lethal.
âWalk away,â he says. âNow.â The guy shoves his chest. Everything happens too fast after that. Mingyuâs fist comes up in a blur, catching the stranger square across the bridge of his nose. Thereâs a sickening crack, an explosion of movementâchairs scraping, people shouting, Mae swearing. The man goes down hard, hands flying to his face, blood spilling between his fingers. You gasp. The roomâs energy whiplashes from fun to dangerous in a heartbeat.
Someone yells. The bartender nearest Mae reaches for the phone. Another guy steps in front of his friend, glaring at Mingyu, but doesnât move closerâsomething in Mingyuâs face making him think twice. âMingyu,â you breathe out in horror. He doesnât look at you right away. His chest is heaving, nostrils flared, eyes locked on the man groaning on the floor like he might get up and try again. He wonât. Thank God.
âOut,â Mae snaps, suddenly in front of the bar, hands slammed on the counter. Her eyes blaze at both men equally. âCheol, get them out before I have to mop up their teeth.â Seungcheol is already moving, muttering under his breath, pulling Mingyu back by the arm. âCome on,â he growls. âThatâs enough.â
The stranger is hauled to his feet by a friend, nose crooked and bleeding, yelling something about âpsycho cowboysâ and âlawsuitâ that no one really listens to. You just stand there. Shock pins you in place. You stare at the blood, at Mingyuâs knuckles, at the way his jaw is clenched so tight you think he might crack a tooth.
You should say thank you. You should say what the hell. Youâre not sure which wins. You reach out, fingers brushing his forearm. âWhat the hell was that?â you demand, voice breaking on the last word. He finally looks at you. His eyes are dark. Wild. âHe grabbed you,â he says, like thatâs the beginning and end of the story.
âI had it,â you snap, even though you didnât, not really. âYou canât just go around breaking peopleâs faces.â
âWatch me,â he snarls.
The barâs noise starts to creep back in around youâmusic turned down, people whispering, someone swearing in the bathroom about the blood trail. Hana and Riley hover a few feet away, eyes wide. Tess moves closer, but stays back just enough to give you space. Your wrist throbs where the strangerâs hand was. Youâre shaking nowâfor a different reason. Fear, yes. But also anger. At the guy. At the way your body remembers being grabbed like that. At Mingyu for exploding instead of⊠something else. âYou didnât have to hit him,â you insist.
âHe didnât have to touch you,â Mingyu fires back. You stare at each other, breathing hard. Seungcheol pinches the bridge of his nose. âOkay,â he says. âWeâre done. Mingyu, outside. Now.â Mingyu doesnât take his eyes off you. âIâm taking her home,â he says.
âExcuse me?â
âYouâre done drinking,â he says. âYouâre done dancing for idiots who donât understand the word no.â
âYou donât get to decide that,â you snap. âI can finish my drink andââ
âYouâre cut off,â he says, voice low and hard. âYouâre leaving. With me.â The command hits somewhere low in your stomach, a tangled mess of fury and something hotter. âOh, absolutely not,â you say. âIâm not some calf you can just drag into a trailerââ
He doesnât argue with words. He just moves. One second youâre standing on both feet; the next, your world flips. A strong arm hooks behind your knees, another clamps around your thighs, and you find yourself hoisted over his shoulder like a sack of feed. âMingyu!â You pound at his back, more scandalised than actually hurt. âPut me down!â
âNo,â he grunts. The bar erupts into laughter and catcalls.
âGet it, Longview!â
âDamn, Rookie, you pulled the boss!â Riley shrieks, half hysterical, half delighted, before Tess smacks her arm.
âChan, stop filming,â Hana hisses at Dino, whoâs absolutely trying to get his phone out. Mae glares over the bar. âIf you two are going to screw up my Saturday night, have the decency to do it outside,â she calls. Seungcheol is torn between exasperation and amusement. âIâll settle the tab,â he says. âGo. Before someone calls the sheriff.â
You wriggle, but Mingyuâs hold is iron. The world bounces with each step he takes, his shoulder pressing into your stomach, arm locked over the backs of your thighs to keep you from kneeing him in the face. This close, you can smell himâsweat and soap and beer and something distinctly him underneath it all. Itâs infuriating. Itâs dizzying.
Outside, the night air hits your flushed skin, cooler than the bar, stars bright above the parking lot. He strides toward the trucks. âMingyu, Iâm serious,â you warn. âPut me down or I swear to Godââ He stops. For a second, you think he might listen. Then he simply adjusts his grip and keeps walking. âYou can swear at me from the truck,â he says. He drops you onto the passenger seat with less gentleness than usual but more than anger would allow. The door slams, vibrating the frame. He stalks around the hood, muttering something vicious under his breath.
Youâre panting, hair mussed, skirt bunched around your thighs. âYou canât just manhandle me like that,â you snap the second he climbs in. He turns the engine over, jaw still tight. âYou werenât listening,â he says. âAnd I wasnât about to let you stay in there so some other asshole could try his luck.â
âI said no,â you shoot back. âI can handle myself.â
His hand slams against the steering wheel, making you jump. âCan you?â he demands, finally looking at you. His eyes blaze in the dashboard light. âBecause from where I was standing, you were shaking so hard you could barely talk.â
Your throat tightens. âThatâs not your call to make,â you whisper. Some of the heat drains out of his face, replaced by something elseâguilt, maybe. He drags a hand down over his mouth, breathing hard. âHe grabbed you,â he says again, voice rougher now. âI saw your face, Rookie.â
You swallow. âThat doesnât mean you get to break someoneâs nose,â you say. âOr throw me over your shoulder like a caveman.â
âMaybe not,â he allows. âBut Iâm not apologising for getting you out of there.â You glare out the windshield, furious at him, at yourself, at the way your body betrayed you in front of a stranger. âIt's not your job to protect me from everything,â you mutter.
âMaybe not,â he says. âBut Iâll sure as hell try.â
The words hang there, too much and not enough. You donât know what to do with them. He puts the truck in gear and pulls out of the lot. Gravel crunches under the tyres. The bar recedes in the rearview, neon shrinking to a smear of light in the dark.
The first part of the drive is silent. You watch the road, the way the headlights carve a tunnel through the night. The fences flash by, familiar silhouettes. Your breathing slows, the adrenaline shifting from sharp edges to a steady buzz. His hands on the wheel are tight, knuckles pale. His jaw is still working. Youâre both wound so tight you might snap. âHe didnât matter,â you say after a while, voice low. âHe was just some guy.â
âThatâs the problem,â Mingyu says. âJust some guy. Thinks he can put his hands wherever he wants. Thinks ânoâ is a maybe.â
âYou punched him because you were jealous,â you accuse, because itâs easier to poke that than admit how much the rest of what he said affected you. His hands tighten on the wheel. âI punched him because he touched you,â he says. Then, after a beat, âAnd yeah. Because I didnât like the way he was looking at you.â
Your heart stutters. âYou donât get to be jealous,â you say. âYou barely talk to me unless Iâm falling off a horse.â
âI talk to you,â he mutters.
ââHeels downâ doesnât count,â you shoot back. He huffs a humourless laugh.
The truck slows. Mingyu turns off the main drive, pulling onto a side track that leads out toward the back pastures. Thereâs no house here, no lightsâjust a narrow strip of dirt and the vast dark of the fields on either side. âWhat are you doing?â you ask. He puts the truck in park and kills the engine. Suddenly, the world is nothing but soft ticking metal and the sound of your own heartbeat. He turns in his seat to face you fully. In the dim cabin light, his face is all hard lines and shadow, eyes searching yours. âI talk to you with my eyes,â he says quietly. âYou just never look long enough to hear it.â
âWhat are they saying, then?â you ask, because the alternative is to shatter. He reaches up slowly, thumb brushing the faint red marks on your wrist with a gentleness so at odds with the memory of his fist that it makes your throat ache. âTheyâre saying I hate seeing you scared,â he murmurs. âTheyâre saying I hate that you think you gotta prove yourself, constantly.â
His thumb slips lower, tracing the pulse fluttering under your skin. âTheyâre saying I wanted to rip his hands off you,â he adds, voice rougher now. âBecause when you dance with someone, it should be because you chose him. Not because he dragged you.â Heat rolls through you, hot and cold at once. You swallow, eyes locked on his. âAnd who,â you ask, âexactly, am I choosing?â
The question hangs there, fragile and dangerous. His gaze drops to your mouth. When he looks back up, something in him has given in. âTell me to drive you home,â he says. âTell me youâre mad at me. Tell me you never want me to touch you again.â You donât. You lean across the console instead.
The kiss crashes into you the way the bar noise did earlierâloud, overwhelming, everything at once. His mouth is hot and hungry, tasting like beer and anger and something softer underneath that youâve been pretending not to see. Your hands find the front of his shirt, balling fabric between your fingers, pulling him closer like youâre trying to erase the last few inches of air between you.
He makes a sound in the back of his throat, low and rough, and then heâs cupping your jaw, thumb against your cheek, tilting your head to get a better angle. His other hand slides into your hair, fingers tightening just enough to make you gasp. "Fuck," he breathes against your lips. "You have no idea what you do to me, Rookie."
You climb over the console on instinct, desperate to close the distance. Your knee clips the horn. It blares. You both jerk, then burst into breathless, incredulous laughter against each otherâs mouths. "Smooth," you gasp.
"Shut up," he mutters, already hauling you fully into his lap, one big hand spanning your waist and guiding you down. You straddle him, the steering wheel at your back, the top digging into your shoulder blades. Suddenly, thereâs nowhere that isnât himâthighs braced under you, chest solid against yours, breath mingling in the small, dark cab.
Your skirt hikes up as you settle, bunching around your hips. His jeans are rough under your thighs, the heat of his body bleeding through the denim. His hands grip your hips, thumbs pressing into the soft give of you. Thereâs no hesitation in the way he handles youâstrong, sureâbut thereâs nothing trapping about it, either. He moves you like heâs done this a thousand times in his head and is terrified of getting it wrong in real life.
He drags his mouth from your lips to your jaw, to the edge of your throat, each kiss a little rougher than the last. When he finds the spot just below your ear, he bites lightly, and your whole body jolts. "You okay?" he asks, voice ragged against your skin. "Tell me if youâre not. Tell me to stop and I will. I mean it."
You nod so fast your hair brushes his face. He pulls back an inch, eyes dark, jaw tight. "Use your words, Rookie."
"Iâm okay," you manage. "I want this. I want you." Something in his shoulders drops.
"Good girl," he murmurs, so soft you barely catch it. Heat rolls through you, sharp and sweet all at once.
His hands slip under the hem of your borrowed top, fingers skimming your back, your ribs, tracing the edge of your bra. Your spine arches without your permission, chest pressing against his. His thumbs make slow, almost worshipful passes along your sides, learning every line. You fist your hands in his hair, tugging a little. He groans, low and filthy, and his mouth slants back over yours, kiss turning messier, wetter. You taste him, feel him, lose track of where you end and he begins.
He slides one hand down, over the curve of your hip, along your thigh, fingers splaying against bare skin where your skirt has ridden up. He squeezes once. "You have any idea what it did to me, watching you dance?" he mutters into your mouth. "Knowing every asshole in that place was looking at you when you wereâ" he cuts himself off with a strained laugh, breath catching as your hips shift. "Jesus."
You shift again on purpose this time, rolling your hips down against him, testing. The sound he makes is half curse, half prayer. "Donâtâ" he says, fingers tightening. "You keep doing that and this is gonna be over fast."
"Maybe I like you a little desperate," you whisper, surprised by your own boldness. His eyes flash. "Careful, baby," he says hoarsely. "Youâre gonna find out exactly how desperate I am." He proves his point. His hand slides higher along your thigh, up, up, dragging your skirt with it. The air in the truck feels too hot. You grab at his shoulders, at anything, as his fingers map out slow, maddening paths on your bare skin; He pauses just shy of where you want him, thumb pressing into the tense muscle of your inner thigh, holding you open without forcing, making you feel every inch of the distance between almost and there. "Mingyu," you whisper, hips shifting restlessly.
"I know," he murmurs, voice low and frayed at the edges. "Iâve got you."
His hand slips higher, knuckles grazing the edge of your underwear, testing how far he can push. The contrast of his rough fingertips and the soft lace of your panties makes you jolt, a quiet, involuntary sound escaping your throat. He swallows it with a kiss, his mouth hot and greedy on yours as his fingers start to explore. He ghosts his touch along the edge of the fabric, tracing the line where it meets skin, but never quite giving you what youâre aching for. He draws lazy shapes, circling slowly, feeling the way your muscles tense and shiver. "Here?" he breathes against your lips, adjusting the angle of his touch by a fraction, until his fingers pass through your folds. Your answer is a sharp inhale and your nails biting into his skin.
"Yeah," he says, more to himself than to you. "There."
He settles into a rhythmâsmall, focused circles over your clit that send heat unfurling low in your belly. Every time you gasp, he chases it, refines it, like heâs cataloguing what works and what doesnât. He alternates pressure, speed, angle, paying attention to every twitch of your hips, every little stutter in your breathing.
"You feel what youâre doing to me?" he mutters, voice rough, the heel of his other hand pressing briefly against your lower back as if to keep you from floating away. "Look at you, falling apart in my lap."
Your head drops to his shoulder, forehead pressed to his neck. Itâs too much and somehow still not enoughâyou grind down against his hand without meaning to, chasing more, chasing the friction heâs giving you and his hardness you can feel against you through his jeans.
The sensation builds, tight and bright, your thighs trembling around him. He slips two fingers easily into the heat of your core, your slick walls greedily enveloping the digits. He murmurs praise against your skin as he curls them inside, words blurring togetherâthatâs it, good, just like that, let me see youâand each one winds you tighter. His touch is firm but responsive, adjusting the instant you flinch, doubling down when you moan. Youâre panting now, breath hot against the window.
"Mingyu," you gasp, fists clenched in his shirt. "Iâoh my Godâ"
"Too much?" he mutters, words almost lost against your skin. You try to ride it out, to let him take you over the edge with just his hand, but the need spikes past what heâs giving you.
"Itâs not enough," you pant. His answering curse is muffled against your collarbone. His fingers ease out of you, not abandoning but shifting, rolling over your clit. "Okay," he mutters, breathing hard. "Okay. You want more? Youâre gonna get it."
You feel him fumble at his belt, his zipper, movements clumsy for the first time since youâve known him as he frees his cock. Heâs not smooth here. Not practised. Heâs a little frantic, a little shaky, and somehow that makes it worseâin the best way. Youâre dimly aware of the cold air against your core where he pushes your skirt even higher. Thereâs something obscenely intimate about how much youâre still wearing, how little has to move for everything to change.
He pauses, breathing hard, forehead resting against yours as he rasps out: "Tell me no, and we drive back, and forget this happened." You cup his face in both hands, forcing him to really see you. "Iâve spent so long having things done to me," you say, words tumbling out. "I want this. Iâm choosing you."
His eyes close briefly, like the words physically hit him. When he opens them, thereâs no distance left. "Okay," he whispers. "Iâve got you." He slowly guides you down onto his cock.
The first push of him inside you drags a shocked sound from your throat, a stretch that borders on too much and somehow not enough. His jaw is clenched, eyes squeezed shut as your walls flutter around him. "Breathe, baby," he grits out. "Youâre soâ" he breaks off, sucking in air through his teeth.
"Iâm okay," you whisper, voice shaky. "Move, Mingyu. Please." He exhales a broken laugh. "Youâre gonna end me," he mutters.
He starts slowly, careful, like youâre made of glass and heâs trying not to break you. Each push of his hips lifts you, settles you, finds a new angle that pulls soft sounds from your throat. The steering wheel digs into your back when you lean too far, the horn threatening right under you if you shift wrong. The absurdity of it bubbles up between the moans and cursesâyou on his lap, half-dressed, hair a mess, windows fogged, in the middle of his land like the whole world has shrunk down to this truck cab and the way you fit together.
You rock with him, following his lead, then finding your own rhythm. His hands help, guiding you down onto his cock after each lift of your hips, coaxing, not forcing. Every time you gasp his name, his grip tightens; every time you bury your face in his neck and bite his shoulder through his shirt, his hips jerk up harder, his breath catching. "Thatâs it," he groans. "Just like that. You feel that? Thatâs us, Rookie. Thatâs you and me."
The words should embarrass you. They donât. They catch in your chest, lodge there, drive you higher. The heat builds fast, too fast, coiling low in your belly. The world outside the truck disappears; thereâs only the frantic creak of the seat as he fucks you, the sting of his stubble on your throat, the salt of his skin under your mouth, the way his voice sounds when your walls grip him deeper. "Iâ" you start, then lose the sentence on a harsh inhale.
"You close?" he rasps, one hand leaving your hip to slide up your spine, pulling you flush against him. You nod helplessly, forehead pressed to his.
"Look at me," he says. You force your eyes open. His are blown wide, pupils swallowing the warm brown, sweat beading at his temple. He looks wrecked and reverent and a little bit undone.
"Come on, Rookie," he whispers. "Let go for me." You do.
It hits hard, all the tension and fear and want youâve been carrying snapping at once. You break apart around him, a strangled sound torn from your chest as everything goes white-hot and weightless. He holds you through it, arm banded tight around your waist, forehead pressed to yours, grounding you with little words you barely register.
When you start to come back to yourself, you realize his hips are still moving, slower now, as if heâs trying not to lose it before youâre fully with him. You kiss himâmessy and half-formed, all gratitude and needâand that seems to be what finally tips him over the edge. He shudders beneath you, his rhythm faltering, a soft, wrecked curse spilling against your mouth as he follows you over and spills his seed inside of your, grabbing at your hips like he has to hold on to something.
You slump against his chest, forehead tucked under his jaw, arms still looped around his shoulders. His hands rest on your back, large and careful, stroking slowly up and down like heâs not sure how to stop touching you without spooking you. He presses a lazy kiss into your hairline, another under your ear, softer now, almost apologetic. "You okay?" he asks again, voice hoarse but gentler at the edges. You breathe him in and let your weight settle fully on his lap. "Yeah," you whisper, surprising yourself with how true it feels. "I⊠yeah."
He leans his head back against the seat, eyes closing for a second, like heâs bracing for you to bolt anyway. You lift your head enough to look at him. He looks wrecked. And beautiful. And very, very real. "Youâre still an asshole," you say, because your brain needs somewhere to put all of this. His mouth curves, small but unmistakable. "Yeah," he says quietly. "But Iâm your asshole tonight."
Your cheeks heat. You donât argue.
You just stay there, skirts and denim and skin tangled, letting your breathing sync with his while the truck ticks and cools around you, the night pressing close on all sides and the ranch waiting, somewhere ahead in the dark.
You wake up to the sound of Rileyâs snore and the taste of Mingyu still in your mouth.
For a second, you donât know where you are. All you remember is heat and cramped space and the feel of his hands locked around your hips as the truck windows foggedâThen the bunkhouse ceiling snaps into focus, and shame and want hit you at the same time. Youâre in your own bed. In your own clothes. The walk back from the trucks is a blurâyou remember him helping you down, smoothing your skirt, both of you suddenly quiet in the way people get when theyâve done something they canât take back.
You remember him saying, âGet some sleep, Rookie.â Like you hadnât just come apart in his lap. You roll onto your stomach and groan into your pillow. One-time thing, you tell yourself. It was adrenaline, alcohol, almost getting grabbed, his stupid face, your stupid heart. A storm, thatâs all. Storms blow over.
Liar, something in you whispers. You shove that voice down and drag yourself out of bed.
The kitchen in the big house is already busy when you walk in.
Tess is at the stove, flipping pancakes, hair tied up in a messy knot. Hana leans against the counter, scrolling through her phone. Dino is pouring himself orange juice as if it were a life-saving elixir. Seokmin is sitting on the table instead of at it, telling some overdramatic story about Vernon almost driving into a ditch last night. âIt was not a ditch,â Vernon protests. âIt was a shallow depression.â
âYou screamed,â Seokmin says.
âThe truck bounced.â
âYou grabbed my arm and yelled, âtell my mom I loved her, ââ Seokmin insists. Dino chokes on his juice. You slip in, grab a mug and pour coffee.
Everyone looks⊠normal. Relaxed. No one is staring at you like they know you fogged up Mingyuâs windshield with your body heat. You exhale slowly. Hana bumps her shoulder against yours. âHowâs the head?â
âNot as bad as I thought,â you say. âNot sure if thatâs a good sign.â
âRookie handled her liquor,â Riley crows from the doorway, shuffling in with lionâs mane hair and yesterdayâs eyeliner smudged under her eyes. âProud of you.â
The kitchen door swings open. Mingyu walks in, hair damp from a quick shower, clean shirt pulled over broad shoulders. His knuckles are bandaged. His gaze sweeps the room once, automatic, count-the-heads, check-the-vibe, then catches on you. You force your face into something neutral and take a heroic sip of coffee.
âMorning,â Tess says. He grunts what might be a greeting.
âHowâs your hand?â Dino asks, eyes wide.
âFine.â
âYou really tagged that guy,â Seokmin says, half-admiring. âNever seen so much blood in a bar that wasnât from Rileyâs line dancing.â
âHey!â Riley protests. Mingyu ignores all of them. He goes for the coffee, passing directly behind you. For half a heartbeat, his arm brushes your back, a barely-there touch through your clothesâbut your whole body lights up like someone plugged you into a generator. You grip the mug tighter.
He pours his coffee, moves to the other side of the table, and sits down like nothing is wrong. You try not to stare. You fail. Thereâs no sign on his face that anything is different. No smirk, no awkward cough, nothing that screams I had you in my lap last night, remember? He looks exactly like he always does at breakfast: tired, focused, somewhere between amused and done with everyoneâs shit. You tell yourself thatâs good. You tell yourself your chest stinging a little at that realisation is stupid. Normal. Itâs all normal. If you pretend hard enough, maybe itâll feel true.
You move through the day like youâre playing a part. You muck stalls. You help Tess with inventory. You check on Milo, stroke his nose, breathe in the familiar smell of horse and hay and leather until your heartbeat calms. You avoid being alone with Mingyu. You fail at that, too.
In the tack room, you reach for a bridle hanging on the wall at the same moment he does. Your fingers brush over worn leather and then over his knuckles. You both jerk back like you touched a live wire.
Outside, when youâre hauling feed, Vernon tries to grab the heavier sack from you. âHere, Rookie,â he says. âYouâll blow out your back.â Before you can answer, a sharp voice cuts across the yard. âSheâs got it,â Mingyu snaps. You and Vernon both look over. Mingyuâs expression is hard, jaw set. Heâs leaning against the fence line, clipboard in hand, pretending to check something off. Vernon raises his hands, backing off. âOkay, man,â he says slowly. âDidnât realise there was a waiting list for sacks.â You lug the feed past him, cheeks hot.
Later, Wonwoo stands a little too close behind you at the workbench, talking you through how to mend a broken latch. Itâs innocentâjust his hand guiding yours, voices low. Mingyu appears in the doorway like he was summoned by the ghost of jealousy. âWonwoo,â he barks. âYou done with that gate yet?â Wonwoo straightens. âAlmost.â
âThen maybe work on the gate instead of crowding the newbie,â Mingyu growls. You bristle. âHeâs not crowding me,â you say. Mingyuâs eyes flick to you, something tight and unreadable in them. âYouâre supposed to be on feed, Rookie,â he says. âNot tinkering.â
âShe can learn when the workâs done,â Mingyu shoots back. âThereâs feed sitting, and last I checked, the cows donât give a shit about latch theory.â
Tension crackles. Wonwooâs jaw tightens, but he steps back. âYes, boss.â
You want to say something cutting. You want to call Mingyu out for acting like a dog whoâs just found out he has teeth. For no longer acting like last night didnât happen, but like he has no idea what to do with it. You donât. You grab the feed schedule and march out into the yard, muttering curses under your breath, trying to ignore the way every cell in your body is vibrating with awareness of him.
Mingyu canât sleep.
He sits on the edge of his bed in the big house, elbows on his knees, hands hanging loose between them. The room is dark except for the lamp on the dresser, casting long shadows across the floorboards.
He can still feel you. Thatâs the worst part. Not the split skin on his knuckles when he punched that guy. Not the weight of Seungcheolâs stare in the bar or Maeâs unimpressed glare. Not even the faint ache in his jaw from clenching it all damn day. You. Your weight on his lap. Your hands in his hair. Your voice saying Iâm choosing you. He drags his palms down his face. Idiot.
He shouldnât have lost his temper at the bar. He knows that. Heâs not proud of that partânot the blood, not the crunch, not the moment when he wanted to keep hitting long after it was done. It felt too familiar. Too much like a road heâs already walked downâor tried to. He sees flashes of memory he doesnât usually let himself touch: rain on a windshield, headlights too bright, a laugh in his passenger seat that he will never hear again. Flowers on a grave he avoids like it can hurt him any more than it already has. Heâs built this life out here to keep moving. To keep his hands busy enough, his days full enough that there wasnât room for anything else. Not grief. Not hope. Certainly not you. And yet. Every time he closes his eyes, there you are. The way your face looked when that guy grabbed youâfear and fire, both at once. The way your mouth tasted in the truck. The way youâd said please, like you didnât know how much power that word had over him.
Heâs furious with himself. Heâs furious at the part of him that feels⊠not guilty. Not about you, anyway. Heâd expected shame when it was over. Guilt. Maybe something like betrayal, like heâd done something disloyal to a ghost. Instead, there was this gut-deep relief.
And then, afterwards, when you were breathing hard against his neck, and he was holding youâheâd felt something else he hadnât let himself feel in a long time. Want. Not just the sharp, physical kind, though thereâd been plenty of that. The quieter kind. The kind that looks like mornings and coffee and your boots next to his by the door. The kind that scared him enough, he almost pushed you off his lap and drove you back to the bunkhouse without another word. He didnât. He let himself have it. Just once, he told himself. Just this.
He looks at his hands now, flexes his fingers. There are scars on themârope burns, old cuts, the small, pale mark on his pinky finger where he used to wear something he hasnât taken out of the drawer in two years. He doesnât deserve this; he knows it. Not you. Not the way you looked at him in the truck, eyes blown wide, giving him trust you shouldnât waste on someone whoâs already proved he can destroy things he loves just by existing near them. He knows that. He believes it. He also canât stop thinking about the way you sighed when he touched just right, the way you clung to him like he was something safe instead of something dangerous. He wants that again. He wants you again. Craves it, like a thirst. He presses his thumb into the old pale groove on his finger until it hurts. âGet over yourself,â he mutters.
Maybe he can thread the needle. Maybe he can give in to the wanting without letting it become something bigger. No promises. No future. No lies about forever. Youâre a grown woman, not a girl he can wreck with a careless word. You wanted him. You said so. Maybe you want the same thing he does: heat and relief and something that makes the nights less long. He can do that.
He can give you his body and keep everything else locked up where it belongs. He can take yours without touching the parts that hurt. He can keep things simple. No strings. Nothing real. Just sex. Just you. He lies back on the bed, staring at the ceiling, and repeats that until he almost believes it.
You try to stop it before it starts. You fool yourself trying to draw linesâbut wanting doesnât take orders.
Late one night, youâre closing up the barn, last to finish, checking latches and lights. The sky is clear, stars bright. Your body is pleasantly sore. Your head is finally quiet. You turn to leave and find Mingyu leaning against the doorframe. âYou missed a light,â he says, nodding toward the far stall. âI was getting to it,â you lie.
He grunts, pushes off the frame, and crosses the distance in a few long strides. You tense, expecting an inspection, a lecture about routines and safety. Instead, his hand catches your wrist. Not hard. Not like the strangerâs. Just enough to stop you. âWeâre okay?â he asks quietly, eyes searching your face. âYouâre not⊠scared of me now?â
âIf I was scared of you, I wouldnât have climbed into your lap,â you say before you can think better of it. His mouth twitches. âFair.â
Silence stretches between you. You can taste the memory of his mouth. You can feel the ghost of his hands. Your body leans toward him like it remembers before your brain catches up. You shouldnât. You do. You step into him.
The kiss feels inevitable. Itâs different from the truck. Less frantic. Less jagged. His hands come up to cradle your face, thumbs brushing your cheekbones as if he canât quite believe youâre here, letting him do this again.
Itâs like the floodgates open after that.
A brush of fingers in the tack room when no one else is around, your hands meeting on the same bottle of liniment and staying tangled a beat too long. You slipping into the shadowed part of the barn during a lull and finding him already there, leaning against a stall, arms open like an invitation. His mouth on yours, pressed up against the cool of the wood, his hand cupping the back of your neck, your fingers tugging at the hem of his shirt, both of you pulling away only when someone calls your name from the yard. You start to recognise the creak of the big houseâs back stairs at midnight. You lie awake in the bunkhouse, listening to your roommatesâ breathing settle, heart pounding in your throat. When youâre sure theyâre out, you ease off your bunk, pull on a hoodie over your sleep shirt, and slip outside. The air is cold. The stars are bright. The big house looms a little darker at this hour. You almost turn back.
Then the back door opens without a sound. Heâs there. Barefoot, in sweatpants and a T-shirt, hair mussed, eyes watching you. âYou shouldnât be sneaking around like this,â you whisper as he lets you in.
âYouâre the one sneaking,â he murmurs, bracing one hand on the wall beside your head, caging you in. âIâm just answering the door.â
In his room, the walls remember himâwork shirts on the back of a chair, dusty boots lined up by the door, the faint smell of leather and detergent. The bed is too neatly made, like he doesnât sleep much in it. You forget about that once he pushes you down on it.
The nights are a blur of heat and whispers, of his mouth mapping your skin, your fingers drawing new constellations on his back. Sometimes itâs quick and rough, the kind of relief that leaves you limp and laughing into his shoulder. Sometimes itâs slow enough that it almost scares you, the way he looks at you like heâs seeing something he doesnât think he has any right to touch.
You never stay until morning. You always slip out while the stars are still high, padding back to the bunkhouse on bare feet, heart thudding, telling yourself this is nothing. No strings. Just chemistry. Just two people taking what they can, while they can. You almost believe it.
But then, a calf gets sick. Sheâs too small, all knobby knees and big eyes, breathing too fast in the straw. You and Tess have been taking turns checking on her for hours, warming milk, coaxing her to drink, rubbing her sides to keep her circulation up. By the time itâs close to midnight, Tess is swaying on her feet. âGo,â you tell her. âIâll stay a little longer.â
âYou sure?â You nod. âYouâve been at this longer than I have. Iâll call if she does anything weird.â
Tess hesitates, then squeezes your shoulder. âText if you need me,â she says. âSheâs a fighter. Like her babysitter.â When sheâs gone, the barn feels bigger. Quieter. You sit in the straw beside the calfâs pen, hoodie pulled tight around you, listening to her breathing, petting her soft, stupid head.
âYouâre gonna be fine,â you murmur. âYou have any idea how much trouble youâre causing?â She blinks at you. You smile, tired. You donât hear the footsteps at first. âRookie?â His voice is low, softer than usual, threading through the dim. You look up. Mingyu is in the doorway, shoulders filling the frame even in shadow. Heâs in a dark sweatshirt and jeans, hair mussed, eyes tired. You stand too fast, straw sticking to your knees. âYou scared her,â you whisper, nodding at the calf.
âI scared you,â he counters. You shrug, heart jittering. âWhat are you doing here?â He steps in, letting the door swing shut behind him. The barn light overhead hums, casting everything in a warm, muted glow. âTess said you stayed,â he says. âYou shouldnât be out here alone this late.â You roll your eyes. âWhat, is the calf gonna mug me?â
He doesnât smile. He crouches by the pen, big hand reaching through the slats to rest on the calfâs side. His touch is gentle. The calf huffs, but doesnât shy away. âHowâs she doing?â he asks.
âBetter than earlier,â you say. âHer breathingâs slowing down. She finally took the bottle just before Tess left.â He nods, watching the rise and fall of her small ribs. âYou did good,â he says quietly. Something in your chest loosens. You sink back down beside him, your shoulder almost brushing his. For a minute, itâs just the three of you in the soft, straw-scented quiet.
âYou didnât have to come check,â you say after a while. He huffs. âI wasnât sleeping anyway.â You donât ask why.
Silence settles again, thicker now. Youâre too aware of the way his thigh is a few inches from yours, of how the barn seems to have shrunk around you. You glance at him. Heâs already looking at you. Something passes between youâunspoken, familiar, heavier every time you let it. You swallow. âThis is nothing, right?â you blurt. His jaw tightens. âIs that what you want it to be?â he asks, voice slow. You should say yes. You should say absolutely. You look at his mouth instead. âItâs what it has to be,â you say, which is not the same. His eyes close for a second. When he opens them again, thereâs a decision to be made. âThen thatâs what it is,â he says quietly. âNothing.â He reaches out, thumb brushing a piece of straw from your hair, touch lingering at your temple. âCome here,â he murmurs. You go. He kisses you there in the straw, beside a half-sleeping calf. It starts softâhis mouth a slow question, his hand cradling the back of your headâbut it doesnât stay that way. It never does.
You swing a leg over his lap as his hands find your hips, thumbs pressing just hard enough to make you shiver. The kiss deepensâheat rising, breaths tangling, the world narrowing to the press of his chest against yours and the way your heartbeat kicks when he nips at your bottom lip.
âDoorâs locked?â he asks against your mouth. You nod, already breathless. âI locked it when Tess left,â you whisper.
âGood girl,â he says. You donât know how he keeps making that sound like praise and not a joke.
His hands slide up under your hoodie, palms spanning your waist, fingers tracing the familiar path along your ribs. You arch into him, chasing every brush of his skin on yours. Outside, the wind bumps against the barn walls. Inside, all the noise is you and him. He slows you down. Thatâs the main difference tonight. In the truck, everything felt like a landslide. Now, he treats you like you have all the time in the world, even though you both know you donât. His mouth moves from your lips to your jaw, to your neck, to the hollow of your throat, tasting, marking, worshipping.
Clothes shift. Not all the way offâtoo cold, too exposedâbut enough. Your hoodie bunched around your ribs, his sweatshirt pushed up, his jeans undone, your leggings tugged down. The contrast of covered and bare feels weirdly more intimate than full nakedness would.
He turns you gently. You let him, trusting the way he guides you like you trust his hands on the reins. He eases you forward until youâre braced against the smooth, worn top rail of the pen, the calf snuffling curiously a few feet away. Your fingers curl around the bars, knuckles white. Behind you, his body is a wall of heat along every inch of your back, chest hovering just off your spine. His hands settle on your hips, thumbs stroking slow circles into the dip of your lower back. âIf you want to stop, you say it,â he murmurs, leaning in so his chest ghosts your spine. âAny time. I mean it, Rookie.â
Your eyes flutter closed. âI know,â you whisper.
âLook at me,â he says. You blink, confused. He shifts, one hand leaving your hip. You feel him bend, reach, then heâs angling you a little, guiding your chin with one broad hand. Thereâs a smooth metal panel set into the stall gateâsomething reflective enough that, in the barn light, you can see a hazy version of yourselves: your flushed face, his broad shoulders behind you, his eyes locked on yours. âHere,â he says, voice low. âKeep your eyes on me.â
The barn disappears. The calf does too. Thereâs only the reflectionâthe two of you folded together, your breaths fogging the metal, his gaze steady and intent on your face as he settles behind you. You feel the head of his cock nudge at your entrance, slow and careful, one hand steady on your hip. When he finally pushes into you, your breath catches, fingers biting into the rail. The stretch has you gasping, your eyes wide with surprise. His grip on your hips tightens. âEasy,â he murmurs. âBreathe. Iâve got you.â
He stays there for a beat, letting you adjust, forehead close to the side of your head so in the warped shine you can see his expressionâjaw tight, eyes dark, fighting for control. You inhale, exhale, easing back into him.
Only then does he start to move. Every slow roll of his hips is deliberate, unhurried, angled just right so that each glide hits that spot inside you that makes your knees buckle. His hand slides from your hip to your stomach, flattening there as he pulls you back into him, keeping you upright. He presses his mouth to your shoulder, your neck, your cheek, dropping an endless line of kisses on every inch of exposed skin he can reachâsoft, reverent little touches that contrast with the deep, steady push of his thrusts.
âSay my name,â he whispers, breath hot against your jaw. You do. âMingyu.â He shudders. âAgain.â You obey, his name breaking a little more each time as heat builds low and heavy in your gut. In the reflection, you can see how wrecked you lookâcheeks flushed, lips parted, eyes blown wide and fixed on his. Itâs slower tonight, but no less intense. If anything, the pace makes it worseâin the best wayâdrawing everything out until youâre half-sobbing against your own knuckles on the rail, your body arching back into him, your reflection so clearly wanting him that it scares you a little. He watches your face, not looking away even when his own expression twists, even when his control frays. His free hand leaves your stomach, sliding lower, fingers tracing over your thigh before slipping between your legs. You suck in a breath as his fingertips find your clit, stroking you in small, sure circles that match the rhythm of his hips. The added pressure makes your vision blur.
âI want to see you come,â he murmurs in your ear, voice rough. âRight here. With me.â Itâs too much. Itâs exactly enough. You fall apart with your eyes on his in the metal, your walls clenching around him, sound caught in your throat. The world narrows to the feel of his arm banded around your waist, his hand working you through it, his voice rough in your ear, saying thatâs it, Iâve got you, baby, Iâve got you as you come undone. He doesnât last much longer. Maybe itâs the look on your face in the reflection. Maybe itâs your voice saying his name like a prayer, dragging him over the edge with you. He buries his face in your neck when he comes, breath stuttering, a low, unguarded sound tearing out of him that youâre pretty sure no one else has ever heard.
Slowly, he eases away, careful even now. You tug your clothes back into place with shaking fingers, suddenly aware of the chill again. He turns you gently, big hands framing your face, tilting your chin up. You expect a joke. You expect distance. Instead, he kisses you. Soft. Chaste, almost, compared to everything that just happened. It feels like the most intimate part of the whole night. âYou okay?â he asks quietly. You nod, throat tight. âYeah.â His thumb brushes your lower lip.
âThis is still nothing,â he says softly, like heâs trying to convince both of you. âRight?â You swallow, the word tasting like a lie before you even say it. âRight,â you whisper. He searches your face for a long heartbeat, then nods once, stepping back. âGo get some sleep,â he says. âIâll sit with her for a bit.â
You look at the calf, then back at him. You want to stay. You want to curl up in the straw with both of them and watch his face in the barn light until morning. You donât. You force your feet toward the door, every step a quiet ache. You shove your hands in your pockets and start the walk back to the bunkhouse, heart full and hollow at the same time. This is nothing, you tell yourself. No strings. No promises. Just sex in trucks and barns and midnight rooms. But as you glance back and see the soft glow of the barn light with him still inside, everything in you knows the truth youâre not ready to name: Youâre already tangled.
You feel the weather turn in your bones before you see it.
All afternoon, the sky sits low and heavy over Longview, clouds stacked bruise-dark over the mountains, wind coming in sharp, restless gusts. Horses are jumpy. The dogs pace. Even the air tastes metallic, like the world is holding its breath. âRadar looks bad,â Seungcheol says at dinner, phone in hand, frowning at a weather app that never quite matches reality out here. âStorm lineâs shifting south. Weâre gonna get the worst of it.â
"Could use the rain,â Tess mutters. Mingyu just nods, jaw clenched. âCheck the low spots on the fence before dark,â he says. âMove the herd closer in. I donât want them anywhere near the ravine if it blows through hard.â You volunteer to help without thinking. He looks at you for half a second too long. âYou and the girls secure the barn,â he says instead. âTarp the feed. Make sure nothingâs gonna blow loose.â You bite back the urge to argue. This is not the time. You do as youâre told: hauling tarps, double-tying knots with Tess, securing loose tools while Hana calms horses and Riley curses at the wind trying to peel the hat off her head.
By the time youâre done, the first thunder rolls across the hills, low and distant. You wedge the barn door shut and feel it in your ribs.
The storm hits in the middle of the night. You jerk awake to a crack so loud it feels like the sky splits open right over the bunkhouse. Rain hammers the roof. Lightning flashes under the curtain, turning the room white for a heartbeat. âShit,â Riley mutters under you. âThat was close.â
Then, faint but unmistakable under the roar of rain, comes the sound that makes everyone on a ranch move: Yelling.
You throw your legs over the side of the bunk, boots already within reach because youâve learned. Hana is doing the same. Tess is halfway to the door in a t-shirt and jeans, braiding her hair as she goes. âFence?â she says, voice sharp. âFence,â Hana confirms.
You grab your jacket, shove your arms through damp sleeves, and run. The world outside is chaos. Rain slashes sideways, stinging your face. Thunder rolls so close it shakes the ground. In the sudden bursts of lightning you see silhouettes moving fastâmen swearing, horses skittering, the big yard flooding with water.
âRookie!â You turn toward the shout. Mingyu stands by the barn, hat gone, hair plastered to his forehead, rain dripping off his jaw. Behind him, Seungcheol and Seokmin are already saddling horses, hands moving quick and efficient despite the storm. âSection of the north fence is down,â he yells over the wind. âCows are pushing toward the ridge.â Your stomach drops. The ridge means bad footing, broken ground, a creek that can swell into a death trap in a storm like this. âWhat do you need?â you shout back.
Lightning splits the sky, turning everything stark and bright. For a second you see the herd in the distanceâa dark mass against the flashes, moving in the wrong direction. Mingyu doesnât hesitate. âYouâre staying here,â he says. âHelp Tess and Hana keep the barn secure. Coordinate on the radios. Weâll bring them in.â
"Like hell,â you shout. He stares at you, rain running down his face, eyes fierce. âYour ridingâs not there yet,â he snaps. âI am not fishing you out of a ravine tonight.â Rage and fear slam together in your chest. âIâm not asking you to fish me out,â you fire back. âIâm asking you to let me help. I can ride enough to be useful. I know the land better now. You said I pull my weightâlet me prove it when it actually matters.â
Seokmin appears at Mingyuâs shoulder, cinching his saddle tight. âSheâs not wrong,â he yells. âWeâre short bodies. If we donât turn them fast, theyâre gone.â Seungcheol swings up into his saddle, scanning the dark. âGive her a mount you trust,â he calls. âKeep her with you. We donât have time to argue.â Mingyu looks like he wants to fight all three of you and the sky at once. Lightning flashes again. You see the decision happen in his face. He swears, low and vicious. âFine,â he bites out. âYou donât leave my side. You donât try to be a hero. You do exactly what I say, when I say it. You understand me, Rookie?â Your heart is pounding, but your voice is steady. âYes.â He points at you, eyes blazing. âSay it.â
"Iâll do what you say,â you repeat. It tastes like surrender. It feels like trust. He yanks Miloâs saddle off a rack and throws it on with a speed that would make your trainer-self faint. Minutes later youâre in the yard, foot in the stirrup, rain soaking you through as you swing up. Milo snorts, shifting under you. âEasy, boy,â you murmur. Your voice shakes. You settle anyway. Mingyu is already mounted, larger horse dancing sideways a little at a flash of lightning. He brings his gelding close, leans in. âIf at any point you feel out of control, you yell for me,â he says, low and fierce. âI donât care where we are. You yell. Got it?â You nod, throat tight. He looks like he wants to say more. Instead, he just clicks his tongue and kicks his horse into motion. You follow.
The world beyond the barn is a different planet. Wind claws at you, trying to peel you out of the saddle. Rain stings your eyes, blurring everything beyond a dozen yards. The ground is turning to soup under Miloâs hooves; each step requires more balance, more trust. Mingyu leads, Seokmin close on his right, Seungcheol veering off toward the south side of the pasture, shouting orders into the radio clipped to his vest. âGet Vernon and Wonwoo on the east flank,â he yells. âDino with me. Keep âem off the creek!â Your adrenaline spikes. But as you ride, the lessons kick in. Sit deep. Donât choke the horn. Let your knees be soft. Look where youâre going, not where youâre afraid youâll fall. You focus on Miloâs movement under you, on keeping your heels down, your body in the centre, your breaths timed with his strides.
The herd is a dark, shifting mass ahead, bunched near the broken fence. A section of posts has splintered under the force of the wind or a fallen branch; wire dangles useless. Beyond, lightning illuminates the uneven rise of the land, the faint gleam where the creek is already swelling.
The cattle are panicked. You can hear it in their lowing, see it in the way they crowd together, some already drifting toward the slope.
Mingyuâs voice cuts through the storm. âWe push them back to the inner paddock,â he shouts. âKeep them away from the low ground. Donât chaseâpressure and release. Use your bodies, your voices. Donât rush them into a stampede.â Seokmin whoops, half to pump himself up, half to cut through the noise. âYou hear the man! Letâs go!â You fan out.
You end up on the left flank, a little behind Mingyu, Miloâs ears pricked forward, your heart in your throat. Youâve done smaller pushes before, in daylight, on dry ground. This is another animal entirely.
A clap of thunder hits right overhead. Milo flinches. So do you. You almost lose a rein, fingers slick with rain. Then you hear Mingyu. âBreathe, Rookie!â he yells. âTalk to him!â
You suck in air. âYouâre okay,â you tell Milo, voice wobbling. âWeâre okay. Easy.â You loosen your death grip on the reins a fraction, letting your seat and legs speak more. Milo snorts, but he steadies, picking his way forward as you angle him toward the edge of the herd. The cattle move in a single file, rippling away from your approach. You keep your eyes up, watching where you want them to go, not the jagged rocks youâre afraid of. Lightning throws the world into stark relief. You see, clear as a photograph, several cows nosing toward the top of the slope, where the mud is already starting to slough away. âLeft side!â you shout, voice cracking. âTheyâre going for the ridge!â
"Take âem!â Mingyu bellows. âYouâve got it!â You donât have time to question him. You put your leg on, angle Milo between the cows and the drop. Your pulse roars in your ears. You shout, wave your arm, make yourself big, the way Mingyu taught you. The nearest cow tosses her head, eyes rolling white. For a second, she looks like sheâs going right over the edge anyway. You push a little closer. âHey!â you yell into the wind. âMove it, come on, go, go!â Milo feels your intent and shifts with you, cutting off the path just enough that the cow snorts, turns, shoves back into the herd instead of into the dark. It works.
You barely have time to feel it. The ground gives a little under Miloâs hind feet as a wave of muddy water surges down from the slope, carving a new rivulet. He slips. The world tilts. For one insane, endless stretch of time youâre weightless, your body sliding sideways out of the saddle, nothing beneath your left leg, your boot scraping out of the stirrup. You grab for the horn and miss. The scream sticks in your throat. A hand clamps around the back of your jacket and your belt in the same instant. A flash of powerful muscle under you, a second horse right up against Miloâs side. Youâre yanked upright with a force that nearly knocks the breath out of you. Mingyu. Heâs so close his knee is almost under your thigh, his horse jammed right against Milo to give you something solid to crush into.
âI told you not to try to die in front of me,â he snarls, breath hot against your earâeven through the rain. You cling to the horn, chest heaving.
âIâIâm good,â you manage, even though your heart is beating like a trapped bird. He doesnât let go of your jacket until he feels you sit back, heels finding the stirrups again. His hand lingers one second longer than necessary at your waist, a silent Iâve got you, you donât have time to unpack. Then he pulls his horse away, running back to bark orders at Dino, whoâs chasing a small group veering toward the creek.
For a moment, everything blurs. Rain. Noise. Cattle. You lose track of where everyone is, of which direction the house lies, of anything beyond the next step, the next shout, the next animal you need to keep from sliding into danger. This is where all those drills matter.
At some point the herd splitsâSeungcheol whistles and drives a dozen toward the lower paddock, Seokmin and Vernon cutting them off at the gate. Wonwoo and Dino peel away to deal with another pocket. A knot of six or seven cows bolts left, away from the main mass, toward a rocky outcropping and a tangle of scrub. Mingyu is on the far side, trying to turn the bulk of the herd. Thereâs no time to wait. You veer after the strays. âRookie!â someone shouts behind you. You donât check who. You breathe, sink deeper into the saddle, and push Milo into a trot.
The ground is bad hereâuneven, studded with rocksâbut Milo is sure-footed. You give him his head, guiding but not fighting, keeping yourself centred while he does the work. The cows barrel toward the rocks. You angle wide, then cut in at an angle, blocking the path to the worst of it. Your voice comes out hoarse but loud over the thunder. âHup! Move it! Turn!â You wave your arm, make noise, use every trick Mingyu and Seokmin have hammered into you over the past weeks.
For a terrifying second, they ignore you. Then the leader baulks at a flash of lightning on the slick stone, swings her head, and shoves back toward the open pasture. The others follow. You chase them, keeping yourself between them and the bad ground, pushing on the side, releasing when they pick the right direction. Itâs messy and far from textbook, but it works. By the time you manage to shove them back toward the others, your legs are shaking, your teeth chattering, your throat raw from yelling.
Mingyu appears out of the rain, driving another group in. He sees you. Sees the cows youâve brought back. You catch the flicker of surprise, then something like pride, before his face hardens back into business. âGate!â he bellows. âOpen the damn gate!â Hana and Tess haul it wide on the inner paddock as the herd finally surges through, hooves churning mud, bodies jostling. One by one, in ones and twos, they come in. It takes hours. Or it feels like it.
By dawn, the storm is staggering away across the plains, muttering thunder like an afterthought. Youâre soaked to the skin, mud up to your knees, fingers pruned and raw. Your muscles shake every time Milo stands still for more than a minute. The herd is clustered in the inner paddockâwet, miserable, but alive. You help with the final count, moving through the fog of your own exhaustion as Seungcheol ticks numbers off on his clipboard, double-checking tags. âWe missing any?â Vernon croaks, voice shredded. Seungcheol squints at the list, then at the cattle. âJust the steer that busted his leg last week,â he says. âEveryone else is here.â
Relief sweeps the yard. Someone whoops. Someone else laughs hysterically. Riley leans against a fence post and slides down it, sitting in the mud, utterly unbothered. âWe did it,â she says, giddy. âHoly shit. We actually did it.â You lower yourself out the saddle and pat Miloâs neck, whispering thanks into his damp mane. He nickers, blowing warm air over your frozen hand.
âHot showers, now,â Tess declares. âIf any of you track this mud into my kitchen, I swear to Godââ Her threat dies as she looks around at all of you, bedraggled and shivering and grinning like lunatics. Her mouth softens. âYou did good, kids,â she says quietly. Hana limps over and bumps your shoulder with hers. âYou look like hell,â she says fondly.
âYou smell like it,â you shoot back. Riley flings an arm around your neck from behind. âYou were amazing,â she crows. âDino said he saw you cutting off those strays like you were in a movie.â
You flush. âI almost ate dirt,â you admit. âYou didnât,â Seokmin says, leading his horse past. âThatâs what counts.â
You feel Mingyu before you see him. He walks up leading his gelding, hair dripping, shoulders heavy with a fatigue that goes deeper than the night. His gaze runs over the herd, the fences, the mud, the people. Then it lands on you. You brace for a lecture. For I told you not to go left, or you almost fell, or donât ever break formation like that again. What you get instead is a short, rough nod. âGood work,â he says. âYou kept those cows off the rocks.â The simple praise hits harder than half the thunder tonight. You blink. âIâthanks,â you manage. He grunts.
âRookie can ride in a storm now,â Seungcheol adds, lips quirking. âIâll stop telling Evie youâre our liability.â
"You told Evie Iâm a liability?â you yelp. He smirks. âShe called back-up insurance yesterday. Sheâs been worried about you.â
Evie, who has just arrived in rain boots and a borrowed coat from Hana, smacks him in the arm. âYou say that like Iâm the only one with a heart,â she says. Mae shows up a little later with coffee in thermoses and a box of day-old pastries from the bakery, shoved into Seokminâs hands with a muttered, âNora said youâd all look like drowned rats. She wasnât wrong.â
You all crowd under the eaves of the big house, steam rising off your clothes as you peel off jackets and accept mugs. Thereâs laughter, and groaning, and the kind of quiet you only get when everyone in the room just did something hard together and came out the other side. You sit on the step, fingers wrapped around hot metal, watching the herd huddle against the wind. Home, a treacherous little voice whispers. Not a stop. Not a hiding place. Home. You donât shush it.
Later, showered and in dry clothes, you slip into the small office off the kitchen. The storm knocked out the internet and half the cell reception, but the sat phone sits in its cradle, steady and alien among the ranch clutter. Itâs usually for emergenciesâvet calls, weather updates, real disasters. Your hand shakes as you pick it up. This is an emergency of a different kind. You punch in a number from memory you wish you didnât have. It clicks, hums, connects. Your lawyerâs voicemail picks up firstâurban background noise faint in the distance. On the second attempt, she actually answers, sounding surprised. âHello?â You take a breath.
âHi. Itâs me.â You say your name quietly, the one no one here really uses. âIâm⊠Iâm okay.â That feels important to say. âIâm somewhere safe.â
You glance out the office window. Through the glass, you can see the yard: the muddy tracks, the patched fence, the faint figures of Seungcheol and Mingyu checking the lines again just to be sure.
âI want to move forward,â you say into the phone. âWith the divorce. Whatever we have to do to finalise it. Iâm working now. I have a place to stay. I can sign whatever you need, send whatever you need.â
Thereâs a pause. âAre you sure?â she asks gently. Once, that question wouldâve made you crumble. Now you think of the storm. Of Milo under you, steady. Of your hands not letting go. Of Mingyuâs shout and grip and grudging good work. Of how it felt to count yourself as part of we when Riley said we did it. âIâm sure,â you say. She doesnât ask where you are. Youâre grateful. âAlright,â she says. âIâll move things along. There may be⊠resistance on his side. But if this is what you want, weâll push for it.â
Fear curls in your gut at the mention of him. But for the first time, itâs threaded with something else. Resolve. âIt is,â you say. âI donât want to run anymore. I just⊠I want it to be over.â She promises next steps. Paperwork. Timelines. Things you barely absorb. When you hang up, the office is very quiet. You set the sat phone back in its cradle, fingers lingering on the plastic.
Outside, the sky is clearing in streaks of pale blue between torn clouds. The mountains gleam, washed clean. In the paddock, the herd shifts and settles, steam rising from their backs in the cold morning air. Mingyu crosses the yard below your window, head tilted back, scanning the fence line. For once, he doesnât look like heâs waiting for the next disaster. Just⊠taking stock. You could leave, you think. You could take the bus back to nowhere, papers in hand, name still the same but unbound. Instead, you rest your palm flat against the cool glass, fingers splayed, as if you can feel the mud and wood and sky through it. You donât know how long youâll get here. You donât know what will happen when the past catches up.
But for the first time, youâre not only thinking about surviving. Youâre thinking about staying.
The sat phone rings in the middle of the afternoon.
Youâre halfway through mucking stalls when Seungcheolâs voice cuts across the yard. âRookie!â You look up, shovel mid-swing. Heâs standing on the porch, shoulder braced against the post, the chunky phone in his hand. âItâs for you,â he calls. âCity number.â
Your heart drops straight into your boots. You wipe your hands on your jeans, pass the shovel to Hana with a muttered âSorry, two seconds,â and cross the yard, every step feeling too loud. The phone looks wrong hereâugly plastic, stubby antenna, all hard edges in a world of wood and dust and sun. You take it from Seungcheol carefully, like it might bite.
âYou okay?â he asks, brow creasing. âYeah,â you lie. âProbably just⊠family stuff.â He nods, not prying. âYou can take it inside if you need privacy,â he says. âSignalâs better in the office anyway.â You swallow. âThanks.â
You slip down the hall, heart banging, and duck into the small office. You close the door most of the way, leaving it just shy of latched, needing the illusion of air. You lift the phone to your ear. âHello?â
"Hi,â your lawyerâs voice says, tinny but familiar. âItâs me. You okay to talk?â You exhale, sinking onto the edge of the desk chair. âYeah.â Not really. âWhatâs going on?â Papers rustle on her end. âWeâve filed,â she says. âThe petitionâs in. The judge signed off on temporary orders. Heâll be formally served within the week.â The words make your throat close. Served. You picture your husbandâs faceâsurprise, then anger, then that flat, dangerous calm that always came right before⊠You grip the phone tighter. âWhat does that mean for me?â you ask.
âIt means the clockâs ticking,â she says. âIf he doesnât contest, this can move relatively fast. If he fights, itâll take longer. But either way, the process has started. Youâre not stuck in limbo anymore.â
You stare at the wall. The phrase not stuck feels almost as unreal as the storm did the night before. âWill he know where I am?â
"No,â she says firmly. âEverythingâs going through my office. The orders specify no contact. If he tries to find you, weâll deal with it. But I canât pretend thereâs zero risk. You knew that when you left.â
You nod even though she canât see you. âI know,â you whisper. âI just⊠I want it over. I want to sign whatever I have to sign and be done being his wife.â The word wife tastes sour. âYouâre doing the right thing,â she says. âYou got out. Youâre building something new. Thatâs not nothing."
âIâm working on a ranch,â you say, a little dazed. âIâm actually⊠okay. Mostly.â She laughs softly. âYou sound different,â she says. âStronger. Hold on to that. Iâll call when I know his response.â You hang up with your heart in your throat and relief and terror knotted tight in your chest. Youâre still staring at the dark screen when the floorboard outside the office creaks. You look up. Mingyu stands in the gap. His expression is⊠blank. Thatâs worse than anger. âHow long have you been there?â you ask, voice too quiet. He doesnât answer that. ââDone being his wife,â?â he says instead, quoting you back to yourself. "Thatâs what you said?â
Your blood runs cold. He pushes the door the rest of the way open and steps inside. The office feels smaller instantly. âHow much did you hear?â you manage.
âEnough to know you left out a pretty important piece of your story.â
You set the sat phone down very carefully, like if you moved too fast, everything would shatter. âI was going to tell you,â you say.
He laughs once, but thereâs no humour. âWhen?â he asks. âBefore or after the divorce went through?â You flinch. âItâs complicated.â
"No,â he snaps, taking another step closer. âItâs pretty simple. Youâre married.â Silence rings between you. âTechnically,â you say, hating how weak it sounds. âOn paper. I left him. Iâm getting out. You heard that much.â He braces his hands on the edge of the desk, knuckles white. âDid you think that didnât matter?â he demands. âDid you think I wouldnât care that the woman Iâve beenââ he cuts himself off, chest heaving. âThat you still belong to someone else? Legally. Practically.â
"I donât belong to him,â you spit. âI havenât in a long time.â
"Except you do,â he fires back. âIn every way that counts with the law. You signed those papers. You wore the ring. You knew exactly what you were when you climbed into my truck.â Your vision blurs.
âYou want to talk about what I knew?â you say, voice shaking. âI knew I was running for my life. I knew if I didnât leave that night, I might not get another chance. I knew I had to get far enough away that he couldnât find me. I did not know Iâd end up here, or that Iâd be in your lap, or thatâ" your voice cracks; you swallow it down. âIâm trying to fix it.â He hears none of that. Or he refuses to. âYou had plenty of chances to tell me,â he says. âPlenty of nights sneaking into my room. Plenty of mornings riding next to me. You couldâve said, âHey, by the way, Iâm still somebody elseâs wife.ââ You wince. The word wife cuts hearing it from his mouth. âI was scared,â you say. âOf him. Of losing this. Of how youâd look at me if you knew.â
"Like this?â he asks, voice dangerously soft. He talks about the way heâs looking at you nowâlike youâre a stranger, like youâre a bad call on a long list of bad calls. âI didnât lie,â you whisper. âI just⊠didnât tell you everything yet.â He snorts. âThatâs not the defence you think it is.â
You feel something in you snap. âYou are not seriously turning this into a morality play,â you say, anger finally finding you. âYou, mister âno strings,â mister âthis is nothing.ââ His eyes flash. âThis is different.â
"How?â He straightens away from the desk, closing the remaining distance between you. You can feel his anger like heat. âBecause I started to trust you,â he growls. âI started toââ he stops, teeth clenched.
You donât breathe. âTo what?â He shakes his head, jaw working. âDoesnât matter.â He huffs out a bitter laugh. âI shouldâve known better. I shouldâve kept it where it was meant to stay. A distraction. A body. Something I could walk away from.â You flinch like he struck you. âWow,â you say. âGlad to know what I am to you.â
"Youâre someone elseâs wife,â he spits, the cruelty landing before he can stop it. âAnd Iâm the idiot fucking her.â The words suck the air out of the room. You stare at him, mouth open. For a second, he looks like he wants to take them back. He doesnât. You swallow hard. âDonât you dare reduce me to that,â you whisper. âWhat am I supposed to call it?â he throws back. âBecause thatâs what it is. Thatâs what weâve been doing. Thatâs what Iâve been doing. Another bad decision I get to live with.â Your heart lurches. âAnother?â you echo. His jaw tightens. âForget it.â
"No,â you say, voice sharpening. âYou donât get to throw that out there and then act like Iâm the only one with a past.â He looks away, muscles tense. You step around the desk, refusing to let him retreat. âYou want to talk about trust?â you demand. âYou never talk about your past. You never talk about anything real. You hide behind orders and grunts and âheels down, Rookie.â You have a whole graveyard behind your eyes, and you wonât even let anyone know where it is.â His gaze snaps back to you, wounded and furious. âYouâre deflecting,â he says. âClassic.â
"Iâm asking why my papers matter more than whatever ghost youâre clinging to,â you shoot back. âBecause thatâs what this is, right? Youâre pissed I didnât give you the full horror story on day one, and also pissed because you started feeling something you promised yourself you wouldnât. So now you get to shove me into the âbad choiceâ box and retreat into your martyr kingdom.â His hands curl into fists at his sides. âYou have no idea what youâre talking about.â
"So tell me,â you push. Silence. You think heâs going to walk out, slam the door, disappear. Instead, he laughs. Itâs a terrible sound. âFine,â he says. âYou want the truth? You want context instead of excuses?â Your spine stiffens. He looks right at you, eyes suddenly very, very old. âI was engaged once,â he says. âWe were together since high school. She was⊠it. Knew me when I had nothing. When I was a mess. When all thisââ he gestures vaguely, taking in the office, the ranch beyond the window, ââwas a fantasy and a thrift-store magazine.â
Your chest tightens. He goes on like you havenât made a sound. âWe fought,â he says. âAbout the usual shit. Money. Time. How much of me the ranch was taking, how much of her job was taking. She wanted me home more. I told her I was building something for us. She said she didnât care about land; she cared about me not being a ghost in my own house.â
His throat works. âShe walked out,â he says. âGot in the truck. Said she was going to her sisterâs. I followed. It was raining. I was angry. I pushed too hard on a turn, and there was gravel andâŠâ his hand makes a helpless skidding motion. âWe went off the road.â Your heart stops. âMingyu,â you whisper. He doesnât look at you. âI woke up in the hospital with a concussion and a broken arm,â he says. âShe didnât wake up at all.â
The room swims. âYou were driving,â you manage. He finally looks at you. âI killed her,â he says flatly. âI put the ring on her finger and then put her in the ground. Thatâs what I live with. Thatâs the âcontextâ you didnât have.â
Your breath comes short and shallow. You should say youâre sorry. You should say it wasnât his fault, that accidents are accidents.
Instead, something mean and hurtful in you speaks first. âSo what?â you snap. âYou decided you donât get to be happy ever again? That you donât get to want anything? That youâre cursed, so the rest of us have to live with the fallout of your martyr complex?â
His face goes white. âDonât,â he warns. You donât stop.
âYou think clinging to her makes you loyal,â you say, words spilling now, sharp and unstoppable. âBut all it does is give you an excuse. An excuse not to try. Not to risk. Not to actually show up. You get to punish yourself forever and call it grief.â He stares at you like he doesnât recognise you. Youâre not sure you recognise yourself either. âYouâre not the only one whoâs lost something,â you go on, voice rising. âYou think I liked walking out of my life? You think I donât wake up wondering if heâs found me yet? But I still got on that horse in a storm. I still picked up that phone. Iâm trying. Youâre just hiding.â He flinches, then bares his teeth. âAt least I admit what I did,â he says. âYou canât even say his name.â
"He doesnât deserve it,â you spit.
âHe doesnât deserve what youâre doing with me either,â he bites back, instantly regretting it and saying it anyway. âMaybe he had a point if this is how you treat commitments.â The words slam into harder than any of your husbandâs fists ever did. You feel them in every old bruise. âFuck you,â you whisper. His jaw locks, horror flickering in his eyes at himself. You donât wait for him to take it back. âYou know what?â you say, voice shaking. âYouâre right. I made a mistake. Not in leaving him. In thinking you were anything safe. In thinking your âIâve got youâ meant anything outside an arena.â He stares at you, breathing hard. You move toward the door.
âYouâre not some tragic hero, Mingyu,â you say, hand on the knob. âYouâre a coward with a saddle and a saviour complex. And I refuse to be something you can punish yourself with.â You walk out before you can see how the words land. The kitchen is a blur of sound and light as you pass through. You push out into the yard, into the cold air, blinking hard until the big house and the barn smear. You make it to the bunkhouse before you start crying. You slam the door harder than you mean to. Hana looks up from her book. Riley pauses mid-scroll on her phone. Tess lifts her eyes from the crossword.
You stand there, shaking, jacket half off, cheeks hot and wet, and you donât even remember when you started. âOkay,â Tess says, setting the paper aside. âWho do I have to kill?â That almost makes you laugh. You donât. You collapse onto your bunk instead, burying your face in your hands. Hana is there in a second, perching on the edge of the mattress, hand rubbing circles between your shoulder blades. Riley flops down by your feet, chin on your shin, eyes wide and unexpectedly gentle.
âHey,â she murmurs. âHey, Rookie. Breathe.â You choke out some mangled version of the story. Not all of it. You canât. But enough. Paperwork. Husband. Overheard. Mingyu. The words. The fight. âHe called you what?â Riley demands, eyes flashing. âAn idiot,â you say hoarsely, editing, because actually repeating someone elseâs wife feels like letting it carve into you again. âA bad decision.â Tessâs mouth presses into a thin line. âWell, then heâs a bigger one,â she says. âManâs head is so far up his own guilt he canât see daylight.â Hana nods, jaw tight. âHeâll regret it,â she says quietly. âIt doesnât make it okay. But he will.â You donât know if you believe that. Right now, all you feel is hollow. âMaybe I should go,â you whisper. âBefore it gets⊠worse.â Rileyâs head snaps up. âAbsolutely not,â she says. âYouâre not running because some emotionally constipated cowboy canât use his words.â
"This is your home now, too,â Hana adds. âYou earned that. We want you here.â Tess nods once. âIf anyone leaves, itâs him,â she says bluntly. âBut Iâve known that idiot since he could barely see over a fence post. Heâs not going anywhere. Heâll just sulk.â You let them talk. Let them build a small, noisy wall around you with jokes and insults at Mingyuâs expense and offers of chocolate and threats of physical violence. You curl into their warmth and let yourself believe, for a little while, that staying is possible.
Even if everything between you and him just cracked down the middle.
Seokmin finds Mingyu not long after. Heâs in the shadow of the machinery shed, leaning against the tractor, staring at nothing. Hands limp at his sides, shoulders rigid. âYou look like shit,â Seokmin says, trying for light. Mingyu doesnât answer. He will later barely remember exactly what he and you saidâonly flashes, only the worst parts on loop. Someone elseâs wife. Coward. Killed her. The words stick in his throat like barbed wire. âYou gonna tell me what happened?â Seokmin asks, softer. Mingyu shakes his head once. Seokmin studies him, worry etched deep. âYouâre gonna lose her,â he says quietly. âIf you havenât already.â Mingyuâs hands ball into fists until his knuckles go white. He says nothing.
Seungcheol catches his eye once in the doorway, the question clear. âDonât,â Mingyu says, voice rough. Seungcheol sighs, but lets it goâfor now. Mingyu tells himself heâs right to be angry. He tells himself this proves what heâs always known: that he ruins things. That anything he touches ends up broken. That wanting you was a mistake from the start. But when he hears your laugh float faintly from the bunkhouse laterâthin, forced, propped up by Hana and Rileyâsomething in him cracks anyway. He doesnât go to you. You donât come to him.
The fifty yards between the big house and the bunkhouse suddenly feel wider than the whole damn ranch.
Unbeknownst to you, the papers did exactly what they were meant to do. They found your husband.
He opens the door of his neat little suburban house in a shirt he hasnât bothered to button properly, stubble dark on his jaw, a half-empty bottle of whiskey dangling from his fingers. The process server says his name and holds out the manila envelope. He laughs at firstâtoo loud, a little slurred. Then he reads. The laugh dies.
His fingers tighten on the papers until the edges bend. His eyes start to move faster, back and forth, tripping on the words cruelty and fear for safety and protective orders like theyâre accusations aimed at someone else. âYouâve gotta be kidding me,â he mutters. The server says something about signing, proof of service. He scrawls his name hard enough to tear the page, then shuts the door in the manâs face. He drinks. He reads the petition three times. The first time, he scoffs, taking a swallow after every sentence that paints him as anything less than a good husband. The second time, he mutters about lies. About exaggerations. About how you always twisted things. The third time, his face goes very still. âYou think you can do this to me,â he says into the empty room, the bottle sweating in his hand. He doesnât sleep that night. Or the next. Or the one after that.
He drinks instead, buzz humming under his skin, mind running circles around the same thoughts: you leaving, you talking to lawyers, you putting his name on paper with words like danger and harm. By the third day, his heart is jittery, and his hands wonât stop shaking. He throws clothes into a bag, doesnât bother zipping it properly. He grabs the car keys, knocks over a chair, and doesnât pick it up. The house door slams behind him, echoing down the quiet street. He drives.
Highways blur past in sun and then in neon and then in predawn blue. He nurses gas-station coffee with one hand and whiskey with the other, ignoring his own blinking reflection in the dark windows whenever he stops. He has nothing solid to go on. You cut cards, changed phones, ran. But he has your full name, and he has his anger, and he has three days of obsession carved into his nerves. Itâs enough.
He hits a random exit in the middle of nowhere because his eyes are gritty, his fingers are tingling, and the gas light is on. The town is a handful of streets and a string of lights. It could have been any town. He walks into the first diner with its lights still on. The waitress canât be more than twenty-two. Ponytail, tired eyes, soft voice. She sees the ring on his finger, the papers peeking from his jacket pocket, the desperate, frayed look of a man who hasnât slept. She doesnât see the bottle in the glove compartment or the way his jaw clenches every time he says âmy wife.â
âCoffee?â she asks. âHave you seen her?â he blurts, sliding a photo across the counterâone from the early days, when you still smiled for his camera. The waitress hesitates, then covers her mouth with her fingers. âOh,â she says. âYeah. She came through here. Nora at the bakery took her in for a bit. Said she was sweet. Sheâs out at Longview now.â
"Longview?â he repeats. âThe ranch,â the girl says, eager to be helpful. âBig place out past the highway. They hire everyone. Took her on right away, I think.â She blushes. âShe looked⊠better when I saw her last. Happier.â His smile goes thin and sharp. âDid she,â he says. She doesnât hear it. She writes Longview Ranch and gives rough directions on a napkin, placing it in front of him like sheâs handing him a lifeline.
âGood luck,â she says kindly. âIâm glad you found her.â He tucks the napkin into his wallet beside that old photo. He leaves the coffee untouched.
Later, he stands at the edge of town, at the turnoff where pavement gives way to gravel and then to dirt, looking at the fence line disappearing into the distance. His eyes are bloodshot, lids heavy, hands buzzing with caffeine, alcohol and rage. âFound you,â he murmurs. And starts walking.
Days pass at Longview with a new kind of silence.
Not the easy quiet that settles after a long day, when everyoneâs tired and content and too full of Tessâs cooking to do more than murmur. This is the brittle silence of two people orbiting each other and refusing to touch.
You get up before dawn, muck stalls, check water, ride your routes. You joke with Vernon, tease Dino, help Tess inventory feed. You help Seokmin with a loose latch, laugh at Rileyâs ridiculous playlist, listen to Hana complain about a parent-teacher conference Evie told her about.
You do your job. You donât go near the big house unless you have to. Mingyu works too. If anything, he works more. He takes the worst jobsâchecks fence lines in the heat, hauls extra feed, volunteers for late-night rides to check the far pasture. He talks to Seungcheol and Seokmin when he has to, gives orders that are shorter and sharper than usual, and vanishes. He doesnât look at you at breakfast. You donât look at him at dinner. The others feel it. Conversations stutter when you walk into a room together. Riley watches you both with murder in her eyes. Hana oscillates between sympathy and barely restrained rage. Tess sighs a lot and mutters, âIdiots,â under her breath. No one says out loud what they suspect. No one knows the specifics. It doesnât matter. Something broke. And no one knows how to fix it.
Tonight, you canât sleep. You throw off your blanket and stare at the bunkhouse ceiling, listening to the soft sounds of breathing around you. Riley is out cold. Hana shifts, mumbling. Tessâs snores are a steady, comforting rumble. You slip out of bed, drag on jeans and a hoodie and boots, and step outside. Lights glow low in the barn, left on purpose for late checks. Seungcheol asked someone to make sure the new gate latch on the equipment shed is holding; youâd volunteered earlier, then forgotten. Now it feels like something to do with your hands.
You cross the yard, gravel crunching under your boots, breath fogging in front of you. The big house is dark except for one room upstairs. The far pasture is just a line of darker shadow against the sky. Mingyu is out there tonight. You know it without needing to check the rota.
You find the shed door slightly ajar, just like Seungcheol said. Inside, the shapes of tractors and mowers hulk in the half-dark. A single overhead light flickers. On the workbench by the door, another sat phone sits in its charging cradle, left there after the last weather check. You think about calling your lawyer again tomorrow. You think about the way Mingyuâs voice sounded when he said someone elseâs wife, and tell yourself not to.
Youâre still staring at the phone when a voice behind you says your name. Not the one everyone here uses. The old one. You freeze.
The sound of it is a fist to the gut, pulling you straight back to another town, another kitchen, another life. You turn slowly. Your husbandâs framed in the doorway, lit from behind by the bare bulb above the shed.
He looks worse than he ever did at home. Eyes bloodshot, sweater stained, hands trembling slightly at his sides. Thereâs a sour tang of alcohol even from across the room, layered over stale coffee and three days of sweat. Heâs vibrating with exhaustion and adrenaline, stretched thin and sharp. âHey, baby,â he says, smiling like this is funny. âBeen a while.â
Your heart slams against your ribs. Air becomes a suggestion. âHow did youââ you start, voice barely there. He lifts a wrinkled napkin between two fingersâLongview Ranch scrawled across it in looping waitress handwritingâthen lets it flutter onto the workbench. âYou left a trail,â he says. âBus ticket. Motel receipt. Little breadcrumbs. You always were careless with details.â He takes a step inside, hand bracing on the doorframe as if to hold himself upright. âDrove all night,â he adds, with a twisted chuckle. âThree nights, actually. Couldnât sleep, not when my wife is out in the middle of nowhere telling strangers Iâm some kind of monster.â You take a step back without meaning to. He notices. His smile tightens, goes brittle. âThatâs not very welcoming,â he says lightly. âAfter everything Iâve done for you.â
"You⊠shouldnât be here,â you manage. âYou got the papers.â His eyes flash, a flare of humiliation and rage. âYeah,â he says. âI got the papers. Imagine my surprise, finding out my wife has been running around playing cowgirl instead of coming home like she was supposed to.â
"Iâm not your wife,â you say, voice shaking. âNot anymore.â He tsks. âOn paper, you still are,â he reminds you. âYou always did have trouble understanding vows.â Anger threads through the fear. âYou broke them first,â you say. âYou know you did.â His jaw twitches.
He steps closer, a sway in it nowânot drunk enough to stumble, just enough that you can see how frayed the edges are. âI worked myself to the bone for us,â he says, voice tightening. âProvided. Paid the bills. Put a roof over our heads while you⊠what? Decided you were bored? That you deserved better? That filing papers behind my back was a cute way to get attention?â
"I did it to survive,â you snap. âYou werenât providing, you were controlling. You werenât protecting me, you were hurting me.â He barks out a laugh, sudden and ugly. âThere it is,â he says. âThe drama. Survive. Hurting. You read a couple of articles online and suddenly youâre the poster girl for abuse.â Your stomach turns. You edge sideways around the workbench, inching yourself closer to the sat phone. âYou hit me,â you say, low. âMore than once.â He shrugs, jaw clenched. âYou pushed me,â he fires back. âYou nagged, you picked, you walked around like everything I did wasnât enough. Sometimes I reacted. Thatâs marriage. You donât get to rewrite our whole history because your feelings got hurt.â
"You broke my ribs,â you whisper. He doesnât flinch. âYou pushed me to it,â he says. âYou always do. You make me the bad guy and then act shocked when I live up to the role you wrote.â He says it like he believes it. That might be the worst part.
You slide your hand along the bench, fingers brushing the cold plastic of the phone. His eyes flick down. He sees. âWhat are you doing?â he asks.
You curl your fingers around the device anyway. âCalling someone who can make you leave,â you say. He laughs again, but his voice is fraying.
âWho, your lawyer? You think she can drive out here and drag you home? Because thatâs what should happen. We should go home, sit down like adults, and talk this through. You can apologise for overreacting. For embarrassing me.â The word embarrassing lands heavily.
âI didnât overreact,â you say. âI left because if I didnât, you were going to kill me.â He goes very still. âDonât be dramatic,â he says softly. âYou know Iâd never hurt you. Not unless you gave me a reason.â You want to scream. Instead, you move. You snatch the sat phone off the bench and hit the call button on instinct, thumb slamming down on the emergency contact Seungcheol programmed. You donât look at the screenâyou just press and hope. The tinny ring sounds in your ear. Once. Twice. Your ex lunges.
He catches your wrist, knuckles whitening around your bones. The phone slips, dips. For a second, the screen is angled toward him in the overhead light. He sees a name. Mingyu.
âSo thatâs his name,â he says, voice dropping, all pretence gone. Something cold and possessive ignites in his eyes. âYou ran halfway across the goddamn country to spread your legs for some cowboy named Mingyu.â Pain blooms along your wrist as your exâs hand slams it onto the bench.
âYou think heâll save you?â your ex asks, voice low and dangerous. You look him in the eye even though your pulse is rabbiting. âI know he will,â you say. âHeâll be here any minute.â His lip curls.
âYou always were a terrible liar,â he says. âThatâs why it was so easy to keep you where you belonged.â He yanks you around the end of the workbench, dragging you into the deeper shadow of the shed. Your boots skid on the concrete. You wrench back, trying to twist out of his grip like youâve practised in your head for months. You get halfway free before he shoves you back against the metal shelving. The impact rattles tools and jars; something clatters to the floor. Pain spikes through your shoulder. âLet go,â you gasp. âYou canâtââ He slams his palm into the shelf beside your head, making everything jump and jangle. âI can do whatever I want,â he hisses. âYou owe me. I worked my ass off while you sat at home and complained. And this is how you thank me? Running off to a bunch of hicks and sending me legal threats?â
Terror crawls up your spine. You try to slide sideways. He follows. His other hand clamps at your hip, fingers bruising, thumb digging into old ghost marks. âNobody here knows who you really are,â he mutters. âSweet little stray they all took in. You think theyâll keep you when they find out you walked out on your husband? That you made him look like some drunk who couldnât keep his woman in line?â
You glare at him through the fear. âYou made yourself look like that,â you spit. âEvery time you picked up a bottle instead of listening to me. Every time you raised your hand instead of your voice.â His eyes flare, bloodshot and furious. âYou drove me to drink,â he snarls. âDo you get that? You. Your nagging, your whining, your constant Iâm not happy. I wouldnât be like this if you werenât the way you are.â
Itâs so familiar it makes you nauseous. âYou chose the bottle,â you say. âYou chose to hit me. You chose to follow me here.â He lunges. You duck, but heâs still faster, still bigger and wired on three days of obsession and whiskey. His hands find your shoulders and slam you into the shelving again. Your head cracks back; stars explode behind your eyes. You shove at his chest. âStopââ
"Look what you make me do,â he snarls, spittle hitting your cheek. âYou always do this. You push and push and then act like Iâm the problem when I finally snap.â His grip shifts, fingers bunching in the front of your hoodie, hauling you up onto your toes. You claw at his wrists. His mouth twists.
âIf I canât have you,â he says, voice gone frighteningly soft, ânobody else is going to. Not some cowboy. Not some ranch. Not anybody.â The words chill you more than the night air ever could.
His hands climb. Fingers around your throat. Pressure. Instant. Your body goes cold. Your hands fly up automatically, grabbing at him, nails scraping skin. You canât get any air. The shed narrows to the span of his face above yours, eyes bright and wild, breath sour with alcohol. He squeezes harder.
âThis is your fault,â he grits out. âRemember that. You make me like this.â
Your ears fill with a rushing sound, like standing under a waterfall. You try to kick. Your boot connects with his shin. He grunts, slams you harder into the shelving, metal biting into your spine. The world warps at the edges. You think of the barn. Of Miloâs steady eyes. Of Hana and Riley and Tess laughing over coffee. Of the herd moving like a river in the storm. Of Mingyuâs voice in the truck, saying Iâve got you like he meant it. Your vision tunnels. The overhead bulb smears into a bright, distant star. His face floats in front of you, red and blurred, mouth still movingâungrateful, embarrass me, mineâbut the words are slipping away.
You reach for his wrists one more time, but your fingers wonât close. Your knees go weak. The last thing you hear is your own pulse thudding slow and heavy in your ears, like hooves on packed earth.
Then even that starts to fade.
Mingyu almost ignores it.
Heâs halfway down the northern fence line, reins loose in one hand, eyes on the horizon, when his phone buzzes in his vest pocket. The night is quietâjust insects, the occasional low from the herd, the creak of leather as his horse shifts. He fishes the sat phone out with numb fingers, glances at the screen. Your name. His chest tightens. He hesitates. You havenât spoken in days. Pride whispers, let it go. Hurt adds sheâs doing fine without you. Before he can decide to answer, the line dies. He pulls the phone back, frowning at the call ended message. No signal error. No dropped network. Justâgone. He stares at your name on the screen, thumb hovering over redial.
âPocket dial,â he mutters, even though you donât do that. Youâre careful with devices in a way heâs only now understanding. He slips the phone back into his vest. Rides two more fence posts. His gut twists. He thinks of that night in the truck. The way your voice sounded when you said you were choosing him. The way you looked in the office when he threw those words at you like knives. He reins in, swears under his breath. âShit.â
He turns the horse around and kicks him into a canter.
By the time he clears the last rise and the main yard comes into view, his pulse is hammering. The big house is dark. The bunkhouse is quiet. The yard looks⊠normal. No vehicles. No strangers. No obvious emergency. He almost laughs at himself. Then he hears it. A muffled crash. A high, broken sound that might be metal, might be a voice. The equipment shed.
Heâs off the horse before he fully stops, boots hitting dirt in a spray of gravel. He tosses the reins over the fence rail, trusting the gelding to stay, and runs. The overhead bulb in the shed throws a weak halo over the doorway. Inside: shadow, shelves, machinery. And you.
Pinned against the shelving, toes barely brushing the concrete, fingers clawing at the hands locked around your throat. For a second, his brain doesnât quite understand what heâs seeing. Then it clicks: a manâs back, shoulders bunched, forearms tight like cables, your face above his handâeyes wide, mouth open in a sound that isnât making it past your crushed windpipe. Something in Mingyuâs chest detonates. He doesnât think. He moves.
He hits the man like a freight train, shoulder slamming into his ribs, hands tearing at his grip on your neck. The force rips him away from you; you crumple sideways, coughing, sucking air like itâs the first time. The stranger hits the concrete hard, breath leaving him in a grunt. He reeks of whiskey and sweat and something sour underneath. Mingyu doesnât register the words he spits, just the sneer, the wild eyes, the flash of his hand reaching again. Not happening. Mingyu hauls him up by the front of his shirt and slams him into the opposite wall. Tools rattle. The man swings at him, fists clumsy but fueled by something ugly. A punch grazes Mingyuâs jaw. Good. Heâd been waiting for an excuse.
Mingyuâs fists find bone and muscle and resistance; he drives through all of it. Every hit lands with the solid, sick thud of knuckles on flesh. He doesnât count them. He doesnât pace himself. All he can see is your face going purple. All he can hear is his own heartbeat roaring in his ears. Not again. Not again. Not again.
The man jerks and swings, but heâs slowâdrunk, exhausted, winded. He gets one good shot in that splits Mingyuâs lip. It barely registers. Mingyu tackles him to the floor, knees pinning his hips, one hand fisted in his shirt, the other bringing his fist down again and again. Pain shoots up his arm. Bloodâwhose, he doesnât knowâsplashes his knuckles. âStopââ the man slurs, or maybe laughs. âWhat, you gonna kill, cowboy?â
The word kill hits a live wire inside Mingyu. He hits harder. The world narrows to red.
You drag yourself upright on unsteady legs, lungs burning, throat fire-raw. Every breath feels like scraping glass. The room swims. Mingyu is on top of your ex, straddling him, arm rising and falling in a relentless rhythm. Your husbandâs head snaps with each blow, blood smeared across his face, his hands up in some pathetic attempt to shield himself. Mingyuâs face is something youâve never seen before. Jaw clenched. Eyes wild. Teeth bared. Youâve seen rage. Youâve lived inside it. This is different.
âMingyu,â you rasp, voice barely a whisper. He doesnât hear you. You stumble forward, catching yourself on the edge of the workbench. âMingyu,â you try again, louder this time, your vocal cords protesting. âStop.â No reaction. His fist comes down again with a crack that turns your stomach. âYouâll kill him,â you croak, forcing the words out past your shredded throat. âMingyu, please. Stop.â
He doesnât look at you. Heâs somewhere else, buried under years of guilt and two minutes of pure, blinding fury. All he sees is the hand around your neck. All he feels is the old sick weight of a ring and a steering wheel and the moment he lost everything. âYou donât get to touch her,â he spits, knuckles slamming into bone. âYou donât get to say her name. You donât get anything.â You try to scream. It comes out as a broken, torn sound that makes your eyes water. Still, you keep going. âPlease,â you manage. âHeâs not worth it. Mingyu, please.â Your words bounce off the walls, thin and ragged against the heavy thud of fist on flesh.
Noise explodes at the mouth of the shed. âWhat the hellââ Seokminâs voice, high and panicked. âMoveââ Seungcheol, right behind him. A second later, theyâre on Mingyu. Seokmin grabs his shoulder, hauling backwards. Seungcheol wedges both arms under Mingyuâs, locking him up in a full-body hold and dragging him off the man on the ground. Mingyu fights them on instinct.
He sees flashes: Seokminâs shocked face, Seungcheolâs clenched jaw, your ex rolling onto his side and curling around his ribs. âLet go,â Mingyu snarls, straining. âHe was choking herââ
"Youâre done,â Seungcheol grunts in his ear, muscles bunching as Mingyu bucks against him. âYouâre done, Gyu.â Mingyu twists, still trying to get one more shot in, hands clawing at the air now that his fists canât reach.
âHe doesnât get to walk away from this,â he spits, voice breaking.
âHe wonât,â Seungcheol snaps. âBut you are not going to do this in front of her. Enough.â More footsteps. Tess in the doorway, hair loose, face white, phone already in hand. Hana and Riley behind her in pajama pants and boots, eyes wide with horror as they take in the scene: you clutching your throat, your ex groaning in a smear of blood, Mingyu trembling in Seungcheolâs grip, hands dripping red. âI'm calling the sheriff,â Tess says, already dialling. âSomeone call an ambulance. Now.â
The following minutes are chaotic. Mingyu loses track of the order. He remembers being shoved outside, the cool air hitting his sweat and blood, his ears ringing. Seungcheol keeps a tight hold on him anyway, one hand clamped on his shoulder, as if he thinks Mingyu might bolt back in. He might have. He might, even now. He tries to look for you instead.
Youâre sitting on the lower step outside the shed, Tess crouched in front of you with her hands fluttering uselessly before she finally settles one against your knee. Hana has an arm around your shoulders. Riley is pacing, swearing under her breath with impressive creativity.
Youâre breathing. Shallow and ragged, but breathing. Dark marks are already blooming on your throat, fingerprints rising ugly and distinct. Thereâs a smear of blood at your hairline. Your hands shake. Youâre still here. He doesnât realise heâs moving toward you until Seungcheolâs grip tightens. âNo,â Seungcheol says quietly. Mingyu jerks his arm out of his hold and crosses the space between you in three big strides. âRookie,â he says, voice rough, reaching out before he can think, fingers stretching toward your face, your throat, anything to anchor himself to the fact that you are alive.
You flinch. Itâs tiny. A flicker. A reflexive duck of your chin, a millimetre of recoil before you force yourself still. Itâs enough. His hand stops in mid-air. The look on your face guts him more than any punch: you, trying to smile through pain, wanting to reassure him, but thereâs fear there too. And he put it there. He knows it. He freezes. Pulls his hand back like heâs burned. âDonât,â he says hoarselyâto himself, not you.
Hanaâs gaze snaps between you two, eyebrows knitting. âWe need ice and water,â Tess says briskly, standing up. âAnd towels. Go.â Riley bolts for the house just to have something to do. Seokmin hovers near the shed door, watching as the paramedics work in tight, efficient movements over the crumpled body on the concrete. Your ex doesnât fight them. He doesnât say anything at all. His face is a swollen, bloody mess; one eye completely closed, mouth slack, breath coming in wet, shallow pulls as they fit an oxygen mask over his nose and mouth. âBPâs low,â one medic mutters. âLetâs move.â They slide him onto the stretcher, strap him in, and lift. Sheriff Alden stands back to give them room as they carry him out. He doesnât spare the man on the stretcher a word. His gaze is on Mingyu.
On the bloody knuckles, the split lip. On the bruises already rising on your throat. Heâs not a tall man, but heâs solid. He steps closer, boots crunching on stray gravel, and looks from Mingyu to Seungcheol. Thereâs history there; Longview has been paying taxes and smoothing town trouble for a long time. âHe came onto our land drunk and went for one of our own,â Seungcheol says, voice flat. âWe found his hands around her throat.â He doesnât dress it up as anything else.
Aldenâs eyes flick to youâwrapped in a blanket on the step, a medic pressing gauze gently to your temple, Hanaâs arm tight around your shoulders, Riley standing guard like sheâs ready to bite someone. Alden nods once. âThatâs what Iâll say I saw when I came in,â he says. He still asks questions, because he has to. Tess backs up the story, voice steady, jaw tight. Seokmin fills in what he heard when he came running. Hana and Riley add their details. You croak answers when you have to, every word scraping your throat. No one mentions the part where Mingyu didnât stop hitting after the immediate danger was over.
Eventually, Alden turns back to him. âYou got anything to add?â he asks. Mingyu swallows. His fists ache. His lip is split. He can feel blood drying under his nails, tight and tacky. He opens his mouth, ready to say I lost control. To ask if they need to take him in, too. To confess how good it felt to hit until he couldnât see anything but red. The words lodge in his throat.
âHe hurt her,â he says instead. âI stopped him.â Alden studies him for a long moment, then nods slowly. âWeâll write it up that way,â he says. âYou might get a citation if someone downtown wants to make noise. Doubt itâll stick. From where Iâm standing, it looks pretty clear-cut.â Mingyuâs stomach churns. Clear-cut. Sure.
Nothing about how his knuckles enjoyed connecting is clear-cut. Nothing about how, for one second, he wanted the man to stop moving altogether is clear-cut. They lift the stretcher into the ambulance. The doors slam. Lights wash over the yard in red and blue, then fade as the vehicles head back toward town. Dust settles. Literally. Figuratively, not so much.
The others driftâTess back to the house to make tea sheâll pretend is for herself, Riley and Hana to the bunkhouse where they can fuss over you more privately, Seokmin to check on the horses that spooked at the sirens. Seungcheol lingers with the sheriff a few minutes more, low-voiced, making sure everything is as tidy on paper as it can be. Mingyu is left standing in the yard, feeling like heâs not quite in his own skin. He flexes his hands. They hurt. He deserves it.
He looks toward the bunkhouse. The door is closed. The light in your room is on, a warm square spilling onto the dirt. He can almost picture the scene: you on the lower bunk this time, blanket around your shoulders, Hana kneeling in front of you with a bag of ice pressed gently to your throat, Riley tossing out half-serious ideas about going into town to slash tyres. He should go to you. He should say somethingâanything. Iâm sorry. I came as fast as I could. I shouldnât have kept hitting him. I was so scared. Instead, he stands there, rooted.
Because the image he canât shake isnât you gasping on the shed floor. Itâs you, flinching from his hand. He hears his own voice, cold and cruel in the office: someone elseâs wife. Hears you calling him a coward with a saviour complex. Hears the way his fists sounded on your exâs face and overlays it with smashing glass, skidding tyres, the last scream he ever heard from the passenger seat of his truck.
What if it had been a second later? What if heâd hesitated longer on that call? What if heâd walked away? He sees your throat, bruises blooming in the shape of fingers. He sees his own hands. Maybe he was always headed here. Maybe this is who he is when it counts: a man who puts people in the ground, one way or another.
Seungcheol appears at his elbow like heâs read his mind. âCharges will be minor,â he says quietly. âAldenâs framing it as self-defence. Maybe disorderly conduct, maybe nothing. Guy came onto our land drunk and attacked someone. Weâve got witnesses. Your recordâs clean.â
Mingyu huffs out a humourless laugh. âYou sure about that last part?â Seungcheol gives him a long, steady look. âIâm talking about legal records,â he says. âThe ones that matter to the sheriff.â A beat. âThe other kind⊠youâre the only one who can do anything about those.â Mingyuâs jaw flexes. âShe flinched,â he says, before he can stop himself. âWhen I reached for her.â Seungcheolâs mouth presses into a line.
He doesnât say of course she did, or youâre covered in blood, or you scared the shit out of all of us. He just says, âThen you make sure, from now on, she never has a reason to do that again.â Mingyu looks back at the bunkhouse, at that soft pool of light. His feet stay where they are.
He is soaked in adrenaline and regret, and terrified that if he gets close to you right now, youâll see all of it. He turns instead toward the barn. Toward a hose, a first aid kit, and a set of empty stalls where no one can watch him scrub blood off his skin and try not to see your face every time he closes his eyes.
Out in the dark, eyes burning, knuckles raw, Mingyu holds a thin, fragile truth like the only thing keeping him from going under: You called him. He almost didnât come. He came anyway.
You donât leave the bunk for four days.
The first morning you wake up, your throat feels like youâve swallowed sandpaper. Every breath is a careful, measured thing. Your neck throbs in ugly pulses, each one a reminder of fingers that wanted to close around your life. You try to sit up. Your body says absolutely not. Hana is there before you can fall back, a palm at your shoulder. âEasy,â she murmurs. âYouâre on medical leave, Rookie. Doctorâs orders. And by doctor I mean Tess, which is scarier.â You manage a half-smile, but it hurts.
They fuss. God, they fuss. Tess appears like clockwork with broth and tea and soft food that doesnât make you swallow too hard. Riley pulls a chair up by your bunk and plays you stupid videos on her phone when the shaking gets too bad, pretending not to notice when your hands tremble.
Hana texts Evie, who drops off a stack of paperbacks and a set of ridiculous pastel pens so you can underline things if you get bored. Mae swings by one afternoon with a box of cookies and a card that says Congratulations on Not Dying in glitter pen. The boys come too.
Vernon hovers in the doorway with a potted succulent he stole from the windowsill in the mudroom. Dino sits on the floor and chatters about absolutely nothing of consequence until you stop staring at the wall.
Seungcheol pokes his head in once, clears his throat, and says, âYou scared us,â like it personally offended him. Then he leaves you his favourite mug and a gruff pat on the ankle. Seokmin comes the most.
He never arrives empty-handed: gum, a new pair of socks, a stupid magazine, a handful of jellybeans he âtaxedâ from the office candy jar. He sits on the bunk ladder and fills the air so you donât have to. Theyâre all here. Everyone but him. No one says his name.
On the third night, you wake up choking on your own breath. For a second, youâre back in the shedâhands on your throat, the world narrowing, the overhead light smearing into a star. You bolt upright.
Riley jerks awake in your previous bunk. âHey, hey,â she mumbles, hanging over the side. âYou good?â You nod too fast. Youâre not. She doesnât push.
She climbs down, slips under your blanket without comment, and lets you tuck yourself against her shoulder like youâre not both grown adults. Her hand rubs slow circles on your back until your breathing evens out. âYouâre safe,â she says into your hair. âHeâs gone.â You know which he she means. You still lie there with your fingers pressed to your own pulse, counting beats like they might vanish if you donât pay attention.
On the fourth day, Seokmin comes in after lunch and doesnât immediately start talking about something stupid. Thatâs how you know itâs serious. He knocks on the bunk post with two knuckles. âYou decent?â You tilt your head toward him. Your voice is still mostly a croak, but it works. âPretty sure.â He climbs onto the foot of your bed, careful not to jostle you.
For a minute he just looks at you. At the bruises creeping from purple to sick yellow-green around your throat. At the faint split near your hairline. His usual sunshine is dimmer today. âWe can talk about something dumb,â you rasp. âI can handle your top ten cow rankings.â
He huffs a laugh. âYouâre not ready for that debate,â he says. Then, softer, âI wanted to check in. And, uh⊠tell you some stuff. If youâre up for it.â
You pull the blanket a little higher and nod. âOkay.â He fiddles with the hem of your comforter for a second. âSo,â he starts, âfirst thing: theyâre not coming after you or the ranch for what happened. Sheriff filed it as trespass, assault, protective order violation. Your guyââ he makes a face; your guy is wildly inaccurateââis in custody. Hospital first, then jail. Alden says the DAâs building a nice little pile on him.â Your stomach flips. You stare at your hands. âAnd Mingyu?â you ask, trying to sound neutral. You fail. âSelf-defense,â he says. âThey toyed with a charge, but Alden shut it down. Said if it ever sees paper itâll be some bullshit misdemeanor that gets pled out. Cheolâs been on the phone with every suit in a fifty-mile radius.â You let out a careful breath you didnât realize you were holding.
âOkay,â you whisper. Seokmin watches your face. âHe beat him pretty bad,â he says quietly. âYou know that.â Images flicker: Mingyuâs shoulders heaving, fist rising and falling, blood spattering his knuckles. You nod once. âHowâs he doing?â you ask, not trusting yourself to say more.
Seokmin snorts softly. âTerrible.â He leans back against the wall. âHeâs working like a maniac. If heâs not in the barn, heâs on a fence. If heâs not on a fence, heâs checking the herd. He hasnât sat at the kitchen table in four days. I donât think heâs slept much.â A bitter part of you wants to say, good. The rest of you just feels tired. âIs he⊠mad?â you ask. âAt me?â
Seokmin gives you a look like youâve grown a second head. âHe thinks youâre gonna leave,â he says. âHe thinks he deserves it.â You swallow around the ache in your throat. âHe scared me,â you admit, voice barely audible. âJust for a second. When he wouldnât stop.â Seokminâs face pinches. âI know,â he says. âWe all were. But heââ he breaks off, searching. âHe saw you and something in his brain justâfried. It wasnât pretty. But if he hadnât come back when he didâŠâ He doesnât finish. He doesnât have to. âHe saved your life,â he says instead, simply. The words land strange. True. Heavy. You stare at the ceiling for a long moment. âHe didnât come,â you croak finally. âTo see me.â
"Heâs afraid to,â Seokmin says. âHe said he doesnât want to be another reason for you to flinch.â A pause. âHeâs not handling that well.â You let that sink in. Your exâs violence was always about controlâabout punishment, power, ownership. If heâd walked in on you with someone else, it wouldâve been how dare you embarrass me, not are you okay.
Mingyuâs rage had been⊠different. Messy and terrifying and too much, yes. But underneath it was something else: panic. Fear. This bone-deep, desperate need to keep you breathing. Heâd gone too far. Heâd also gotten there because someone was actively killing you. Both things can be true at once. âThanks,â you tell Seokmin. He shrugs it off. âPart of the job,â he says lightly. âWrangling cows, fixing fences, providing emotional exposition.â You snort, which hurts, but it makes him smile. Before he leaves, he hesitates in the doorway. âYou know you donât have to decide anything right now, right?â he says. âAbout him. About staying. You nearly died. Youâre allowed to just⊠breathe for a minute.â You nod. You also know something shifted the second you saw your ex on that stretcher and realized he wasnât between you and the door anymore. Youâre tired of letting men decide whether you stay or go.
On the fifth morning, Tess wakes you from a fitful doze with a knock on the bunk frame. âMail call,â she says. You blink blearily. Sheâs holding an oversized envelope out at armâs length like it might explode. Your name is printed in neat black letters across the front. The return address is your lawyerâs. Your heart does something weird in your chest. Your fingers shake as you take it. âFigured youâd want privacy,â Tess says gruffly. She taps the side of the bunkpost, then leaves without waiting for an answer.
The envelope feels heavier than it looks. You slit it open with a thumbnail and slide the documents out. Your eyes pick out the important words even through the blur: Decree of Dissolution of Marriage. Your name. His name. Filed, stamped, signed. Final. You read it twice to make sure youâre not hallucinating. Then a third time, just because you can. By the fourth, the letters stop meaning anything. They blur together, drowned out by the roaring in your ears and the strange, light feeling in your chest.
Itâs done. No more waiting for a court. No more technicallys. No more arguments in your own head about whether you have the right to move on until the system catches up. You are not his wife. Not in any universe. A laugh breaks out of you, half-sob, completely undignified. Hana jerks awake in the top bunk and peers over the side. âYou okay?â You hold up the papers with a trembling hand. Her eyes widen. âAre thoseâŠ?â You nod. Her face crumples and brightens all at once. âOh my God,â she breathes. âYouâre divorced.â She corrects herself. âYouâre free.â Free. You press the papers to your chest.
For a second youâre back in that first motel room, chair wedged under the door, heart beating out of your ribs. You had a bag, some cash, a strangerâs pity, and a vague plan. You have more now. A job. Friends. People who heard you scream and ran toward the sound. A man who answered your call even when he thought you didnât want him anymore.
You think of Mingyu in the shed, the way his voice sounded when he spat you donât touch her between blows. The way he looked when you flinched from his hand. Your exâs violence had always come with you made me do this attached. Mingyuâs came with Iâll take whatever comes after written all over his face. Youâre shaking again, but itâs not fear.
Mingyu spends the fifth morning digging a posthole he doesnât actually need. The fence in this section is fine. Itâs overkill. Redundant. He doesnât care. He just needs his hands busy and his mind blank. Heâs failing at both. Every time he blinks he sees it again: your face above that bastardâs hand, eyes wild, lips purpled. The way your body went slack when the air cut off. The way it felt when his fists finally found something they could break without consequence. And then the way you jerked away, just that fraction, when he raised his hand near you after. Thatâs the part that keeps him up. He drives the posthole digger into the earth and pulls, muscles burning. Dirt gives under the blades, clumps flying. Sweat runs down his back despite the cool morning.
âYouâre gonna hit China if you keep going,â Seungcheolâs voice calls from the fence line. Mingyu doesnât look up. âFence needed checking,â he mutters. âFence is fine,â Seungcheol says. âYou did it twice already.â Mingyu sets the tool aside, chest heaving. Seungcheol hops the fence and comes to lean on a post nearby, arms folded. For a while, they just stand there. Finally, Seungcheol says, âPapers came this morning.â
Mingyu stiffens. He doesnât ask which papers. âTheyâre final,â Seungcheol adds. âEvie texted. Alden called her; she called Tess; Tess told half the county. Your girlâs single.â Your girl. The words twist in his gut. He stares at the hole heâs dug. âGood,â he says, voice rough. âThatâs⊠good.â
"Youâre not going to talk to her?â Seungcheol asks. Mingyuâs throat tightens. âShe was scared of me,â he says. âI saw it. I canâtââ he breaks off, jaw clenching. âI donât want to be another thing she has to get over.â
Seungcheol studies him. âYou almost crossed a line,â he says simply. âBut you didnât. You came back when she called. You stopped when we pulled you off. Youâre not him.â
"You didnât see me,â Mingyu mutters. âYou saw the tail end. You didnât feelââ He presses his palms over his eyes. âI liked it. For a second. Thatâs what scares me.â Seungcheol exhales. âYouâre human,â he says. âYou saw someone you care about being hurt and you lost it. Doesnât make it right. Doesnât make you a monster either. What you do with it now is what matters.â Mingyu drops his hands. Looks at the house. At the bunkhouse beyond. âIf she leaves,â he says quietly, âI wonât stop her.â A half-smile tugs at Seungcheolâs mouth. âMaybe let her tell you what sheâs doing before you decide,â he says. He pushes off the post. âFamily dinner tonight. You donât show up, Iâm dragging you in by your ear.â He walks away, leaving Mingyu with the hole and his thoughts.
Youâre divorced. Free. You owe him nothing. He knows, with a cold kind of certainty, that heâd rather pack a bag and disappear into some back forty than watch you flinch from him again. But he also knows something else. You called him. You couldâve dialed the big house, or the office, or the sheriff directly. You called him. Even after everything he said to youâyou still reached for him when it mattered. Maybe he owes you the same courage. He wipes his hands on his jeans and starts toward the bunkhouse before he can talk himself out of it.
Youâre sitting on the bunkhouse steps with the decree folded neatly in your lap when his shadow falls across your bare feet. You know itâs him without looking up. The air changes when heâs closeâtighter, somehow, but not always in a bad way. Your heart kicks. You lift your head. He looks rough: dark circles under his eyes, jaw unshaven, split lip healing in an ugly line. There are faint yellow bruises on his cheekbone where your ex got that one hit in. His hands are clean now, but you remember what they looked like covered in blood. âHey,â he says, voice low. You swallow. Your throat protests. âHey.â He glances at the papers in your lap. âIs thatâŠ?â
You nod, holding them up a little. âItâs done,â you croak. âJudge signed. He did too.â For a second, something almost like a smile flickers over his face.
It doesnât last. âCongratulations,â he says. You huff out a weak laugh. âHell of a party,â you mumble. Silence stretches. He shifts his weight, hands shoved into the pockets of his jacket like he doesnât trust them near anything breakable. âCan IâŠ?â he starts, then stops. Tries again. âCan we talk?â You look up at him properly. You remember Seokminâs words: He thinks youâre gonna leave. He thinks he deserves it. You also remember the office. The things you both said. The way they sliced you open deeper than you wanted to admit. But youâre tired of running.
You nod once, then scoot sideways on the step, patting the space beside you. He sits, leaving just enough distance that his knee doesnât quite touch yours. The yard spreads out in front of youâbarn, fences, open sky. The spot where the ambulance had parked is just dirt now. You start. âHe used to say it was my fault,â you rasp. âThe way he was.â Mingyu goes very still. You keep your eyes on your toes. âThat if I didnât push, he wouldnât snap. That if I was betterâquieter, more grateful, more⊠whateverâhe wouldnât need to drink so much. Wouldnât have to hit things.â You swallow. âWouldnât have to hit me.â His hands curl in his pockets. âNone of that is true,â he says immediately. âYou know that, right?â
"My head does,â you say. âMy nervous system is still catching up.â You look at him. âSo when you went for him⊠when you wouldnât stop⊠for a second, it felt like being back there. I know it wasnât the same, but my body doesnât always know the difference.â The words hang between you. He doesnât flinch away from them. His jaw flexes. âIâm sorry,â he says quietly. âFor that. For how it looked. For losing it like that in front of you.â
You watch his profile. âI know why you did,â you say, equally soft. âI know it wasnât about owning me. It was about⊠not losing me.â
He lets out a shaky breath. âI heard you,â he admits. âIn the shed. I heard your voice but it was likeââ he shakes his head. âI wasnât hearing words. Just noise. And his face. And your neck. I havenât wanted to hit something that bad sinceâŠâ he trails off. You know how that sentence ends. âI didnât stop when I shouldâve,â he says. âI crossed a line. Or I was damn close. Thatâs on me. Thatâs not on you. Itâs not because of you. Itâs not something you caused.â You nod slowly. âYou saved my life,â you say.
He looks like he doesnât know what to do with that. âI also called you someone elseâs wife,â he says, like heâs listing charges. âI threw your past in your face. I made your abuse about me. I punished you for being scared and for surviving. I have no defense for that.â You stare at your hands. âIt hurt,â you admit. âWorse than the bruises.â He winces. âI know.â
"You made me feel dirty,â you go on, voice shaking. âLike Iâd cheated on both of you by surviving. Like I shouldâve told you everything upfront so you could decide if I was⊠worth the risk.â He sucks in a breath, eyes closing briefly. âYou donât owe anyone your trauma on a timetable,â he says. âLeast of all some asshole rancher with a saviour complex.â He opens his eyes, looks straight at you. âYou didnât deserve that. Any of it. Iâm sorry.â The apology is simple. No but. No if. No excuses.
âI was scared,â you tell him. âOf telling you. Of losing this place. Of losing you. I thought if I said the word husband out loud, it would somehow make him real again. You were starting to feel like⊠the opposite of that.â
âYou are not her replacement,â he says suddenly, like itâs been burning a hole in him. âYouâre not a second chance at the same story. YouâreâŠâ he searches for it. âYouâre the first person whoâs made me want anything since she died. Thatâs not small. That scared the shit out of me. But itâs not about putting you in her place.â You let that sink in. âYou said you killed her,â you say quietly. He looks out at the pasture. âI was driving,â he says. âI was angry. I was stupid. Thatâs a kind of killing, in my head. I donât know if that ever changes.â He flicks a glance at you. âBut I donât want to use her as an excuse anymore. To hide. Or to hurt you.â
Silence stretches. The breeze ruffles your hair. Somewhere near the barn, a horse snorts. âIâm not leaving,â you say. He goes very still. âYou donât have to decide that now,â he says. âI already did.â You turn toward him fully, divorce papers crinkling in your hands. âIâm not running again,â you say. âNot from him. Not from you. Not from this place. This ranch is home. These people are my family. Iâm staying.â You take a breath. This is the hard part. âThe question is whether Iâm staying⊠just as a ranch hand,â you finish, âor as something more. With you.â
His mouth parts, then shuts. âAfter everything I said?â he asks, disbelief roughening his voice. âAfter what you saw in that shed?â "Because of what I saw,â you correct softly. âYou came anyway. Youâll live with your own shit for the rest of your life. I see that. I have mine too. But I donât feel owned here. Not by you. Not by them. Thatâs what matters.â
You search his face. âDo you want me here?â you ask. âHonestly. All of me. Mess and papers and bruises and everything.â His answer is immediate. âYes.â He swallows. âI⊠want you here,â he says, like the words are heavy and precious. âOn this ranch. In this family. In my life, if youâll let me. But if the idea of being near me makes your hands shake, if you canât trust me after what you saw, I will get out of your way. Iâd rather walk off this land than be another man you have to heal from.â Your eyes sting. You donât look away. âYou scared me,â you say again, because you wonât pretend otherwise. He nods, accepting the blow. âI know.â
"But I wasnât afraid of you,â you add. âNot the way I was with him. I was afraid of losing you. Of losing⊠this.â You gesture vaguely between you. âThatâs on me to untangle. And I want to. With you. If we do this slow. If we keep talking. If you promiseââ
"Anything,â he says, too fast. You almost smile. âIf you promise not to disappear when it gets hard,â you say. âNo more grunting across the yard and pretending you donât care. No more punishing meâor yourselfâfor wanting things.â He lets out a breath that sounds like itâs been trapped for months. âI can try,â he says. âIâm gonna screw up. Iâm probably gonna say dumb shit. But Iâll stay. Iâll talk. Iâll⊠try not to be an idiot.â
"Thatâs all Iâm asking,â you rasp. âWell. That and maybe fewer bar fights.â One corner of his mouth lifts. âNo promises if someone touches you again,â he says, then grimaces. âKidding. Mostly.â You huff out a sound that almost passes for a laugh. Your throat protests. He sees it. Very carefully, like heâs approaching a skittish colt, he lifts a hand. He pauses midway between you. âCan IâŠ?â he asks. âTouch you?â You look at his palm. Big. Calloused. Clean. You nod.
He moves slowly, giving you time to change your mind. His fingers brush your jaw first, feather-light, then tilt your chin so he can see the marks on your neck properly. His eyes go dark with something like grief. âI hate that I wasnât faster,â he murmurs. âYou were fast enough,â you say. His thumb traces your cheekbone once, then falls away, as if he doesnât trust himself to linger. You miss the touch immediately. âSo,â you say, voice raw but steady. âHome?â He frowns a little. âYou want to call this home?â
You fold the decree neatly, slide it under your thigh like youâre putting it to bed. âI already do,â you answer.
He looks at the bunkhouse, the barn, the house, the stretch of land beyond. Then at you, hunched on the step in an old hoodie with a healing throat and divorce papers in your pocket. âHome,â he says, more certain this time. He shifts, just enough that his shoulder brushes yours, solid and careful. You let it. For now, thatâs enough.
Later, there will be more work: lawyers and therapy and triggers you donât see coming. There will be days when you still wake up choking on air, nights when he still dreams of rain on glass and metal twisting.
But here, on the bunkhouse steps with the sun starting to slide down and the ranch humming around you, you let yourself lean into his solid warmth. For the first time since you ran, the word home no longer feels like a trap. It feels like hope. Like a future.
You wake to the soft tick of the old clock in the bedroom, to the weight of a warm arm slung over your waist, to Mingyuâs slow, even breaths ghosting across the back of your neck.
âYouâre staring again,â he mumbles into your shoulder, voice rough with sleep. âIâm thinking,â you murmur. He nuzzles closer. âAbout feed costs or about what youâre doing to me, leaving this bed at five a.m.?â You smile, rolling just enough to see him. His hair is a mess, sticking up in every direction. His eyes are half-lidded, soft in a way you still havenât fully gotten used toâlike he trusts the day to be kind. âBoth,â you say. âIn that order.â
âTragic,â he sighs. He leans in and kisses you, slow and unhurried. It still hits you somewhere deep, the way he can make a five a.m. kiss feel like a promise and not a goodbye. âUp, Rookie,â he murmurs against your mouth. âHerd wonât move itself.â You groan. âYouâre the one keeping me here.â
âYeah,â he says, lips quirking. âThatâs on purpose.â He steals one more kiss for good measure, then lets you go. Your boots wait by the bedroom door. So do his, a little bigger, a little more scuffed. Your hat hangs on the same hook as his. Your side of the dresser has a mess of hair ties and chapstick and a small ceramic dish Mae gave you for your birthday. Thereâs a framed photo of the three owners and you at the last county fair, all of you sunburnt and grinning like idiots. Evie swears itâs the only time sheâs seen Seungcheol smile that wide in public.
Downstairs, the big house smells like coffee and toast and Tessâs cinnamon something. Hana is already at the counter, ponytail looped through the back of her cap, lunchbox open, stealing bacon off a plate. âMorning, boss,â she says, bumping your hip. âDonât call me that,â you say, stealing a strip of bacon right back. âYouâre the one with your own coffee mug in the main house,â she points out. âThatâs, like, official rank.â Your mug does sit by the kettle now, nestled between Mingyuâs chipped one and Tessâs floral favourite. It says Rookie in big, hand-painted letters. Riley made it. Of course she did. âSpeaking of useless titles,â Riley says, shuffling in behind you with sleep in her eyes and one sock half-off her foot, âwhoâs taking bets on Seokmin actually asking Mae out on a real date before we all die of old age?â
âHe asked,â Tess says, sliding a plate onto the table. âShe said yes. Friday. Real restaurant and everything.â Riley gasps so hard she almost drops her coffee. âShut up.â
âWhat the hell, Tess,â you say. âYou didnât lead with that?â Tess smirks. âI enjoy watching you all suffer,â she says. âAlso, sit and eat before I start throwing things.â You sit. You eat. You listen to Hana complain about a parent who tried to argue fractions with Evie (âShe almost got herself arrested,â Hana says, grinning proudly), and to Riley brag about how many calves she can rope in under an hour. Tess rolls her eyes and mutters that if anyone breaks anything, sheâs not nursing them through it again. You laugh. You do it without worrying about who hears.
By mid-morning, youâre in the saddle, out in the middle pasture, the sun finally up and burning off the last of the haze. The grass is high, the herd spread wide, heads down. You ride like you were born to do it. Milo moves under you with easy confidence, your body matching his without thinking. Your hands are steady on the reins, your posture relaxed, eyes sweeping the herd for limps or stragglers. Thereâs a new kid riding a borrowed mare on the far side of the field. Sheâs nervous, all hunched shoulders and white-knuckle grip, legs too stiff. âHeels down!â you call across the distance, voice carrying clean and easy. âYouâre not choking a chicken, let your hands breathe!â She laughs, tension easing.
Somewhere along the way, you stopped being the one needing the constant corrections. Somewhere along the way, you started giving them. Seokmin rides up on your left, hat tipped back, smile bright as the sky. âLook at you,â he says. âBossing people around. What would Truck-Sex-You think of this?â You groan. âI hate that you call me that.â
âI hate that the horn squeaks when I hit it,â he says. âI will never forgive you for that.â You shove at his arm with your boot. Ahead of you, Hana whoops and takes off at a gallop, cutting around a pocket of cows in a smooth arc. She yells something back about you two moving your asses or eating her dust. âRookie,â Seokmin says, eyes glinting. âRace you?â You arch a brow. âYou sure you want to cry before lunch?â He gasps. âMingyuâs rubbing off on you. I hate it.â You grin. Then you nudge Milo into a run.
Wind whips at your face, your hat brim, your hair. The herd blurs at the edges as you and Hana and Seokmin weave through them, guiding, not scattering, whooping and laughing. Youâre aware of your scarsâthe faint ache at your throat when you breathe too hard, the old bruises that sometimes still twinge when the weather changesâbut they donât define the moment. You do. You and the horse beneath you, the land, the people yelling insults and encouragement in equal measure. You donât notice the two figures on the porch. They notice you.
From the porch of the big house, Mingyu watches you ride like itâs the only thing worth looking at on the whole damn horizon. You look different now than the day you stepped off that bus. He still remembers that girlâeyes jumpy, shoulders tight, heart wrapped in barbed wire. The one who flinched if someone opened a door too fast, who counted exits without meaning to. The woman down there now laughs with her whole body.
You lean into the turn as Milo cuts ahead of Hana and Juniper, whooping as you beat her by half a length to the makeshift finish line near the creek. Seokmin throws his head back in exaggerated despair, nearly falling out of his saddle.
âSheâs gonna be insufferable,â Seungcheol says beside him, taking a sip of coffee from his Worldâs Okayest Rancher mug (Evieâs joke, still his favourite). âShe already is,â Mingyu says, but thereâs no heat in it. Seungcheol follows his gaze. From up here, the ranch looks like the picture they used to tape to the inside of the truckâdream version of a future they werenât sure theyâd ever reach. Fences in good repair, barns freshly painted, herd fat and glossy. Workers moving with the easy rhythm of people who know what theyâre doing and know theyâre valued for it.
Business is good. The new irrigation pivots on the south field, which went in last fall. The winter calving season was their best yet. Thereâs talk of a small direct-to-consumer beef line; Tess is already experimenting with spice blends in the kitchen. Theyâre expanding the bunkhouse next year. Theyâre talking guest cabins the year after that. Thereâs a spreadsheet open on Mingyuâs phone with numbers that donât make his stomach hurt anymoreâjust his brain a little, in a way heâs learned to like.
âWeâll need another hand if we take that east pasture, though,â Seungcheol is saying. âSomebody good. Vernonâs already stretched, and Dinoâs gonna burn out if we keep throwing every night check at him.â Mingyu makes a noncommittal sound. He hears him. Heâs just a little busy. His right hand is wrapped around a mug. His left is tucked into the back pocket of his jeans, fingers brushing the small, square box thatâs been living there for the past three weeks. The metal corners press against his knuckles every time he shifts. It grounds him. It also makes his heart attempt weird gymnastics.
Seungcheol follows the line of his arm, the way his shoulderâs just a little too stiff. âYou gonna tell Rookie what youâve been carrying around,â he asks mildly, âor you gonna make us all suffer another year watching you hover?â Heat crawls up the back of Mingyuâs neck. âYou could pretend youâre not observant for once,â he mutters. âNo fun in that,â Seungcheol says. âRing burning a hole in your pocket isnât subtle, man. Seokmin almost sat on the damn box when you left your jacket on the couch last week.â Mingyu winces. âHe see it?â
âNah,â Seungcheol says. âI moved it. Almost had a coronary doing it. Felt like I was picking up contraband.â He glances at him. âYou waiting for something?â Mingyu cups his mug with both hands now, box momentarily forgotten. He thinks of everything between then and now.
Of papers and court dates and the day Alden called to say their problem was going to be someone elseâs problem for a very long time. Of the first time you raised your voice and he didnât flinch from it, just listened. Of the way you still sometimes wake up breathing too fastâand how, more often than not now, you fall back asleep with your hand in his. He thinks of the storm and the shed and the hospital and all the ugliness that brought you here, yes. But he also thinks of the morning you called the bunkhouse âhomeâ like it was nothing. Of the afternoon he found you on the couch in the big house, arguing with Tess about his grandmaâs biscuit recipe and claiming it as your own. Of the picture on the mantel of all of you last Christmas, Riley wearing antlers, Seokmin mid-sneeze, you laughing so hard your eyes are closed. âI was waiting to make sure you werenât gonna fire her,â he says dryly. Seungcheol snorts. âYouâre the only one weâd fire,â he says. âSheâs the reason weâre in the black.â
Mingyu smiles. He canât argue that. He looks back out at the pasture. Youâve dismounted now, hat tipped back, face turned up to the sun as you talk with Hana and Seokmin. You gesture toward the outer fence, probably arguing over which route is fastest for the afternoon rotation.
You look like you belong here. Like youâve always belonged here. His hand finds the box again, thumb rubbing over the seam. âIâm waiting to make sure Iâm not asking her to sign up for something sheâs still healing from,â he says finally. âMarriage, I mean.â
âYouâre not him,â Seungcheol says, no hesitation. âI know,â Mingyu says. âBut. Still.â Seungcheol is quiet for a beat. âYou know what she did on the anniversary of her divorce papers this year?â he asks. Mingyu arches a brow. âNo?â
âShe baked a cake,â he says. âUgly thing. Pink frosting. Riley wrote âHappy You Dayâ on it. She cut the first slice and said, âIâm not celebrating the end of something, Iâm celebrating that I was dumb enough to try. Means I can be dumb enough to try again.ââ He tips his mug toward the pasture. âThat sound like someone afraid of you asking?â Mingyu stares at him. âYou were listening from the stairs again, werenât you?â he says. âYou two arenât subtle,â Seungcheol replies.
Mingyu laughs, low and a little disbelieving. His heart⊠doesnât feel like itâs trying to crawl up his throat anymore. It beats steadily. Solid. Like itâs already decided.
Down in the field, you throw your head back and laugh at something Seokmin says, reaching out to smack his arm. Milo nudges your shoulder impatiently, and you turn to scratch his nose, all easy affection. Mingyu watches you for another quiet moment. Then he sets his mug on the railing. His fingers close fully around the box. âYou gonna go?â Seungcheol asks, though the answerâs written all over his face. Mingyu exhales. âYeah,â he says.
He steps down off the porch, boots hitting the packed earth of the yard with a familiar thud. The big house looms behind him, the barn off to one side, the bunkhouse farther outâevery piece of this place stitched into him now. He walks toward the pasture. Toward you. You spot him when heâs halfway there. Your whole face changes when you see himâit always does, even when youâre pretending it doesnât. Your smile is small at first, then bigger when he approaches closer and closer. You swing up into the saddle again to meet him at the fence, hat tipped forward, eyes bright.
âWhatâs up, boss?â you call, teasing. He grins. God, he loves you. âGot a question for you, Rookie,â he says.
And for the first time in a long time, thereâs no panic under the words. No, what if screaming in his head. Just this. You. The ranch humming around you both. Something solid under his boots and building under his ribs. He reaches the fence, hand already moving toward that back pocket, toward the small square box that isnât going to live there much longer.
You lean down from the saddle, curiosity and affection written clear all over your face, and whatever he was about to say settles, sure and steady, on his tongue. Heâs ready. To ask. To stay. To build whatever comes nextâwith you.
A/N: Okay so, I know this is crazy. Writing 50K words after just finishing a 61K story and telling you all I was going to disappear for a while. Good time for me to let you all know I suffer from major hyperfixation, and when I obsess over something, I literally CANNOT not finish it. Like, sleeping two hours and writing through the night. So, surprise (I guess?) Hope you enjoy. đ
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(Collage created by me. Credits to owners of the pictures taken from Pinterest.)