#kuromama

Villain Deku: Don't let me drink any wine today.

Kurogiri: I can see you drinking wine at the other end of the room.

Please note he killed her in the same manner he killed Kuro-mama.

Tomoyo once said she can even communicate in people’s dreams at their moments of dying, when they enter that mental state that I don’t have words for, for obvious reasons. Like I think around this point, she has been begging Tomoyo to hurry to Suwa with reinforcements from the Amaterasu’s army and save her son.

Umiko had been told by the boy’s father (adoptive father, newly adoptive father, very newly she could tell) that he was shy. He’d said the little boy was still adjusting to the sudden upheaval his life had taken. The whole situation seemed rather dramatic even though she only knew the barest of details. Still, shy was one thing, reclusive and what Umiko was slowly beginning to suspect was mildly traumatized was another thing altogether.

She was thankful when the third graders stopped by after lunch for their hour of “helper time”. She knew just the pair of helpers to assign Fai to. 

Kinomoto Sakura was a peach and the closest Umiko had ever come to believing in angels. The girl didn’t have a mean bone in her body and she charmed everyone around her almost instantly. Li Syaoran was a serious boy with a heart of gold. All of Umiko’s students always felt safe around him and he was excellent at dealing with upset children. He would make someone a perfect husband one day.

As for the second kindergartner to join the little group, Umiko didn’t so much call him over as she scooped him up and plopped him beside Syaoran before tending to the rest of her class. Her son Kurogane adored both Syaoran and Sakura nearly as much as he loved her, and she knew he’d behave himself after their little chat earlier that morning over breakfast. 

“What’s wrong with him?”

“Nothing is ‘wrong with him’ Kurogane. He’s just had a very difficult time of things and he needs a good friend.”

“I’m a good friend!”

“I know you are sweetie.”

The way her Kurogane focused on little Fai Umiko would think that her son had decided it was his life’s mission to make sure that boy was happy from then on, no matter who or what tried to get in his way.

(and years from now wouldn’t she quietly laugh to herself through tears of happiness about how very accurate that stray thought had been)

Fai’s first day with his new group was a little rocky and Umiko worried that she might have over stimulated Fai, but the next day Fai was happy to see Kurogane, and as long as he didn’t stray far, Fai put on a brave face for most other things. Sakura and Syaoran were smitten with him soon enough and Fai followed Kurogane’s lead in adoring the pair of older children. 

It was with the sense of a job well done that Umiko watched the kids play castle, a well-worn favorite, two weeks later. 

“Roar!” cried Sakura, throwing her hands out wide and stomping about, the cutest dragon Umiko had ever seen.

Umiko watched as Sakura flew around the jungle gym, her arms flapping dutifully like wings, as she tried to look for a princess to capture. The usual victims were missing, however. Umiko’s niece, Tomoyo, was out with a cold, and two of the little girls that would often play the part of the captured princess were off playing their own games today. She watched and waited for Sakura to try and snatch up Syaoran, ready to put an end to that wrestling match before it even began. To her surprise, though, Sakura scooped up Fai.

“I have taken your princess, mighty knight!” Sakura declared while Fai giggled on her back. “If you ever want him back you must defeat me!”

Riding piggyback on Syaoran, Kurogane raised a stick (not again, Umiko had had the stick talk with him three times this week already) and let out a fierce battle cry. 

“Nothing will stop me from protecting my precious princess!” Kurogane swore and then spurred on his noble steed, Syaoran (saving Umiko from a heart attack by dropping the stick as soon as Syaoran started moving).

CHAPITRE 97 – The Young Man and the Princess

[3]

If I’m right, AND I DON’T REALLY WANT TO BE RIGHT, their final moment together doesn’t even get to be a private one, but one only fringing on the true affection between them. But the FLOATY BUBBLES SAY IT ALL, OK.

YOU CAN MEASURE FEELINGS IN FLOATY BUBBLES ALONE, AND LOOK HOW MANY THERE ARE.

The third panel is the most striking of them all, because I’m so sure that it’s their final touch. It’s an unusual angle with an unusual focus, and I think it’s emphasising that the end of this last gesture between them is their final goodbye. As he drops her hair for the last time, they will never see each other again. I just don’t know which one of them it is that’s about to die.

Hopefully not both but YOU KNOW HOW CLAMP IS. YOU JUST NEVER KNOW.

And then Kuropapa’s off to face his fate.

AND BLESS KUROGANE’S LITTLE HEART, HE WANTS TO GO TOO. BECAUSE HE FEELS ALL THE SAME FINALITY THAT HIS PARENTS DO BUT FROM WITHIN HIS EXTRA SPHERE OF POWERLESSNESS THAT SCARES AND FRUSTRATES HIM BEYOND WHAT HE KNOWS WHAT TO DO WITH.

SO HE WANTS TO HELP. HE WANTS TO DO ALL HE CAN TO TRY AND STOP ANYTHING BAD FROM HAPPENING.

BUT THERE IS NO WAY HE WILL BE ENOUGH.

No-one would ever be enough. 

It kills me how even in this, Kuropapa does it in the nicest way possible. 

He recognises the feelings Kurogane is having and affirms them. He acknowledges that Kurogane IS, in fact, strong, instead of taking the other possible route and insisting that he’s not strong enough. Because here, too, he knows that this might just be the last moment he gets, and he uses it as a moment of love and encouragement 

AND THAT LITTLE HEAD TOUCH. GET OUT OF HERE.

There is no way this is anything but the last thing Kuropapa ever gets to say to him. There is NO WAY.

LOOK AT THE ART OK. THE NINJAS ARE ALL FADING AS THEY TURN AWAY AND WALK INTO THE DISTANCE.

THIS IS IT. THEY’RE ALL GONNA DIE.

It’s so clear just how much these final words chained themselves around Kurogane’s heart and never left him. Even during his darkest days in the future, his obsession with strength always stemmed from this, and it’s so easy to guess that his bitterness and focus on revenge could have stemmed from an inverted version of this final statement that Kuropapa gives him. 

Kurogane, at his worst, sought strength to make up for the family he didn’t couldn’t save in this moment. 

Kurogane, as he grows to a better and healthier version of himself, realises that he has more family to protect, and also that he himself might also be worth protecting.

But even just here, in this one moment, Kurogane’s father’s words work on so many levels. Kuropapa does what he does to protect Kurogane, his wife, and the entire clan – even when the odds are very heavily implying that he won’t be enough. Kuromama too does what she does to protect them all. Her health is failing her, steadily slipping away, and yet she insisted on the final blessing to save her husband, because her strength too is all focussed around saving the ones she loves – her husband AND her entire clan, and everyone else in the country that relies on her.

And that’s what will hit Kurogane so hard later. Not only because losing his family in a horrible and violent manner is one of the worst things that could ever happen, but also because in his eyes he failed in the same basic tenant that holds his family together. He wants to go with his father to help protect Suwa, but he can’t. He’s meant to stay behind and help protect his mother, but he doesn’t manage that either. His strength, while recognised fondly by his father, is not enough – was never going to be enough. And that’s exactly what sends him into such horrifying spiral of murder and revenge and a desperate clawing need to reclaim some sense that he could have made a difference.

AND JESUS CHRIST WHAT IS SYAORAN GOING TO DO WITH THIS INFORMATION. HE’S ALREADY READY TO THROW HIMSELF UNDER A BUS TO RESCUE EVEN A SLIVER OF SAKURA’S SOUL. WE DON’T NEED TO ENCOURAGE THESE TENDENCIES WITHIN HIM ANY FURTHER THAN THEY ALREADY EXIST.

But actually, now that I think about it, that might be all the difference. Kurogane’s arc in the manga overall (so far) is slowly healing and allowing himself to recover. I have a lot of confidence that he’ll pull it off, because he’s come a long way already, and he’ll be all the stronger to protect his new family.

[2]

From their expressions at the top I get the feeling they both know exactly the kind of strain this is putting on Kuromama. He’s reluctant to ask her to do more – to ask her for anything with her current level of health – but she cheerily insists on it because it’s what she does. For everyone’s safety, they both need her to do her magic, even if he doesn’t want her to get any sicker than she already is. By the middle panels he looks like he’s resigning himself to it, and she’s trying to alleviate his guilt. And I LOVE this interplay between them. It’s gone so quick, blink and you’ll miss it, but it’s such a lovely little interplay of thoughts and feelings between them that doesn’t even necessary reach the dialogue that they’re saying out loud, and yet it all points to just how open they are to one another.

I love all this, but I’m increasingly convinced that this might just be the last time they see each other, and that makes it so much more tragic in so many ways. Because if Kuropapa had followed his original intention they wouldn’t have even had this final meeting, and this last glimpse of their relationship would never had had the chance to shine through. I don’t know if this IS their final meeting, or if the blessing she gives will change things for the better or worse in the pages to come, but I think it speaks volumes as to just how much their duty pushes it’s way right up into their relationship and forces them into actions they otherwise wouldn’t have picked for each other.

Because with this conversation they become ‘the priestess’ and ‘the protector’ instead of two people who love each other dearly, and they both know that this very well might be the roles they ever get to play.

And yet they do it anyway, because they must. Because of COURSE they do, because it’s who they are – even if it’s not all of who they are. They’re united in this cause, and being on the potential brink of death doesn’t change that even slightly. 

And as gorgeous and amazing this all is, Kurogane’s face perfectly sums up all my feelings about what is happening.

BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW WHAT’S JUST AROUND THE CORNER. 

[4]

The first panel doesn’t include cowboy sound effects, but I hear them anyway.

Thank you, American movies, for permanent searing yourself across my brain forever.

WELP HERE IT IS

THE OTHER HALF OF WHAT KUROPAPA STARTED

He was hiding his injuries so he could go right back into battle (even though this might mean dying)

And Kuromama did the exact same thing, pretending to be fine, and now ignoring her injuries to go straight back into the shrine (even though this also might mean dying)

They’re scarily perfect for each other in that regard. But it also means that they’re both definitely dying. This is it. This is how Suwa ends.

Because they didn’t have the time or strength to let themselves heal enough to protect their loved ones the way they wanted.

And it’s heartbreaking that both of their lives are going to end in utter failure of the one mission they cradle so deeply in their hearts.

But it’s also such a firm reminder to Kurogane (and the rest of the Tsubasa family, really) that you NEED to let yourself heal if you want to protect the ones you care about.

I’m not saying Kuromama and Kuropapa had a choice and made the wrong one, but the emphasis is clear that they were both presented with Kurogane insisting that they heal, and in both cases they didn’t (couldn’t?) do that thing, and then they both fail.

So turn this back to Tomoyo in Piffle reminding Kurogane that he, too, needs to heal. And he already knows that she’s right. Because it’s hounded him his entire life.

They just. Need. To let themselves heal.